| Minecraft vs. Plants vs Zombies! | |
|---|---|
| |
| Season | 1 |
| Overall Episode | 4 |
| Season Episode | 4 |
| Air date | 7/9/2024 |
| Written by | Arson Lord |
| Animated by | Arson Lord |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Sephiroth vs. Drakoth |
Next Uzi vs Tetsuo |
Intro[]
Wiz: The Zombie, a constant menace of players in Minecraft.
Boomstick: The Zombie, the only menace of players in Plants vs Zombies.
Wiz: The undead invasion is a classic topic for all things sci-fi.
Boomstick: It has even found its way into games that nearly everyone you ask will know. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
The Zombie ends DEATH BATTLE's 5 year hardcore run![]
Wiz: Minecaft is a simple game. You mine resources, build shelter, and survive.
Boomstick: But when the sun goes down, those last two become necessities, as a horde of monsters fitted to murder try to kill you in any way possible.
Wiz: You have the explosive kamikaze that is the creeper, the marksman with a bow and arrow that is the skeleton, and of course the zombie.
Boomstick: The zombie can easily be one of the most dangerous mobs in all of Minecraft if the player is not prepared. Usually, the zombie just walks toward players and punches them to attack, but it can do much more.
Wiz: See, the Zombie is, well, a zombie. Its design is supposed to look like a zombified version of the default skin, Steve. In other words, the Zombie is an undead visage of the player themselves. Therefore, it can use almost any weapon or armor that the player can. Additionally, zombies tend to work better in packs, so it's a good thing that the Zombie can occasionally summon other zombies when attacked. However, similarly to how a player would utilize the resources from an environment to their advantage, the Zombie is able to adapt to its surroundings.
Boomstick: In its normal form, it burns when making contact with sunlight, like most League of Legends players do, but in desert biomes it has evolved into a husk that is immune to the sun. When it's submerged in water for too long, it becomes the drowned, able to wield tridents that can have a lot of helpful enchantments.
Cut to Wiz and Boomstick
Wiz: The trident is probably one of the best weapons in it's arsenal. With enchantments like Channeling, which summons a lightning bolt on what it hits, Impaling, which makes it deal up to 2.5 times the normal damage to entities in the water or being rained on, and Loyalty, which has the trident return to the user when thrown.
Boomstick: You can't forget about Riptide like that!
Wiz: Well, it is a very situational enchantment. You have to be standing in water or be in rain, and if you land on the ground, you'll probably die of... what are you doing?
Boomstick: Flying.
Boomstick proceeds to throw a trident he was holding, launching him upwards at a high velocity, before he hits the ceiling and falls down with a thud.
Boomstick: Ow...
Cuts back
Wiz: The Zombie's arsenal isn't all that makes it terrifying, that would be its raw power and durability.
Boomstick: Yeah, the thing's an absolute tank, having the same amount of health as a player! With full diamond armor, it can survive up to 9 point-blank TNT blasts!
Wiz: Given that TNT can blow up an average of 30.9 stone blocks per explosion and assuming that Minecraft's stone is comparable to real life's rhyolite, each TNT should be worth 0.137196 tons of TNT, meaning the Zombie can tank up to 1.23 tons of TNT!
Boomstick: and the Zombie can potentially even hit with the power of TNT as well, thanks to being naturally much stronger than the players.
Wiz: The Zombie isn't without its downfalls, however. It is incredibly dumb, opting to take the strategy of walking towards its to-be prey very slowly, and it doesn't have too many ranged options other than the trident.
Boomstick: Even so, if you encounter this Zombie at its peak, this walking corpse will make you one of its own.
The Zombie has eaten DEATH BATTLE's brains![]
Wiz: The world of Plants vs. Zombies is an interesting one, to say the least.
Boomstick: Doctor Edgar Zomboss and his army of the undead faced the world with having their brains eaten in numerous ways, but a lone hero named Crazy Dave faced the zombie problem head-on with the power of... gardening.
Wiz: And these plants were somehow enough to defeat the zombies time and time again.
Popup: this battle will be combining all variants of the zombies into one, for more variety.
Wiz: These zombies have... weird tactics of facing the plants, that's for sure.
Boomstick: Weird is understating it. They've got poles that they can pole-vault with, zombie-dolphins they use to swim faster, pogo sticks that let them jump super high, and that's just scratching the surface.
Wiz: These zombies certainly have weird tactics of mobility, but they get truly crazy when they want to defend.
Boomstick: Hell yeah they do! They've got traffic cones, paint buckets, football gear, screen doors, and that's just the first game. In PVZ2, they've got sarcophaguses and bricks they can put on their heads... and that's pretty much it for PVZ 2, but that's because the sequel has the zombies take up arms and go full on "offense is the best defense" because f**k yeah it is!
Wiz: They have stuff like zombie chickens, parrots and weasels, a turquoise skull that makes a devastating energy beam that can reach up to 12 feet away, dynamite, the ability to summon dancer zombies, and torches that burn everything they touch.
Cut to Wiz and Boomstick
Wiz: I take a personal preference to the many interesting technological mecha Zombies of the Far Future world, such as the defensive Shield Zombie, which makes a massive force field that's almost impossible to break through, or the plant-pushing Mecha-Football Zombie, which, as you might guess, can push plants.
Boomstick: Aw c'mon with that nerd sh*t Wiz, we both know that the Wild West is way cooler! With defensive zombies like the Poncho Zombie, who can have a literal metal grate under its stylish poncho, and the offense based Chicken Wrangler Zombie, who unleashes like a bazillion zombie chickens upon being hit! Besides, its got dynamite and sh*t, how could you not love it?
As Boomstick is saying this, DUMMI floats in
DUMMI: I think Dark Ages is the best, because it represents my emotional state approximately 97.84% of the time.
Both seem to ignore DUMMI's comment
Wiz: Well, I can show you that the mechs are far superior to your cliche western trope of an area!
Wiz pulls out a claw reminiscent or one from the Robo-Cone Zombie
Boomstick: Oh you're ON, hypocrite.
Boomstick pulls out a lit piece of dynamite and throws it. It bounces off DUMMI harmlessly and lands on the ground
Boomstick: Huh, I thought it would've exploded by now.
Wiz: I thought it would've exploded halfway through that comment, y'know, for comedic timi-
The dynamite explodes, as we hear both hosts coughing while the Technical Difficulties screen goes up. When it goes back down we cut back to the analysis
Boomstick: coughing lightly, before clearing his throat Yeah, PVZ2 has some pretty cool stuff, but the Garden Warfare games have got a whole bunch of wacky weaponry you just wouldn't want to see a ZOMBIE wielding, like an RPG, grenades, healing bombs, Imps with bombs attached to them, and a whole lot more.
Wiz: These zombies have lots of weapons, and there's no real way to do them all justice. However, arsenal isn't all that is keeping these zombies afloat, they've also got a good bit of durability as well. For example, some of the mechs from the Far Future and most Zombies with bricks on their heads can tank Cherry Bomb explosions, which should be worth 0.694351 tons of TNT. The Zombies are also incredibly fast at times. For a reference point, the turquoise skull zombie fires a laser that is powered by sunlight. Comparing its speed to ingame frames for the reference point, the fastest of the zombies would be moving at 23,873,000 kilometers per hour, more than 2% the speed of light.
Boomstick: Yeah yeah they've got stats and all, but we're pretty clearly forgetting something.
Wiz: What's that?
Boomstick: For undead beings without brains, they actually have a semblance of human intelligence, if not much. They've been shown capable of being able to write mostly coherent sentences, which again, pretty impressive for something without a brain.
Wiz: Huh, I guess you're right. Never expected you to be the one talking brains.
Boomstick: I have a degree, you know.
Wiz: Regardless, even if they do have some level of sentience, that doesn't detract from the fact that it is a very child-like sentience. They still aren't all that bright.
Boomstick: However, one point stands clear among the rest: if you encounter these zombies, your brains will cease to be yours.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for an AD BREAK!
Wiz: wait what
Advertisement time[]
Wiz: Uhhh... Lean is a very cool drink?
Boomstick: Ima chug it.
Wiz: You probably shouldn't-
Boomstick proceeds to chug the whole can, before running offscreen and vomiting.
Boomstick: Oh God, it's time for- just roll the f*cking battle.
DEATH BATTLE![]
[Time: Modern Day, around 20:09]
[Location: Somewhere in Neighborville]
A green, blocky, humanoid figure shambles down the streets. Wearing glistening bright blue armor and donning an equally shimmering blade of the same color, this is Minecraft's Zombie (who will be referred to as MC for the rest of this script). Suddenly, it stops in its tracks as it spots another walking corpse. A very shriveled humanoid figure of a lighter green pigment, with an eye bulging out of its head and jaw hanging open as if barely connected. Sporting a brown suit and placing a bucket upon its head, this is Plants Vs Zombies' Zombie (who will be referred to as PVZ for the rest of this script). Both undead look the other in the eyes, and begin shuffling towards their opposite.
FIGHT!
Upon reaching the other, MC swings its blade at PVZ, who just barely gets hit, costing it its bucket. PVZ counters by pulling out a pogo stick and bouncing over MC, landing an attack from behind, which doesn't do much damage due to the armor. However, this hit causes a few more Minecraft Zombies to appear, so PVZ quickly puts on an afro and summons dancer zombies to deal with these other zombies. During this, MC closes the gap between it and PVZ again, but this time PVZ dodges as MC is swinging its sword. PVZ then places a whole bunch of bricks onto its head as if it were a helmet. MC swings again, but PVZ is able to take the attack this time thanks to the bricks. PVZ then lands a powerful swipe onto MC, damaging its helmet.
Meanwhile, at Zomboss's Headquarters...
Zomboss is sitting at his desk, as if waiting for something to happen. Suddenly, he sees action on one of his many cameras he has set up around Neighborville. It appears to be... one of his own browncoat zombies battling with a different, blockier zombie? Intriguing... Looking at a button on his desk, he debates with himself.
Zomboss: Well, I could, but... eh who cares it'd be funny.
Zomboss presses the large red button, labelled Project Paradox.
Back in Neighborville...
MC cuts down the final Dancer Zombie after they had defeated the other Minecraft Zombies that it had previously summoned. The two undead, now without their summoned allies, glare at one another, before MC makes a sudden move and tackles PVZ. At that very instant, a portal appears behind PVZ, and both of them are sucked in.
[Time: Wild West, around 19:40]
[Location: Not OK Corral]
PVZ is launched into a chicken pen, getting tangled in chicken wire and Zombie Chickens. MC shambles over to PVZ who is bouncing towards MC at the same time. MC swings its sword, cutting the chicken wire and unleashing the Chickens. As MC swings at the horde of undead poultry, cutting them down one by one as they gradually deal more and more damage to its armor, PVZ is able to hastily shuffle over to a large building labelled "Sheriff" and grab a bunch of dynamite. As MC is finishing off the last of the Chickens, PVZ puts on a poncho. MC is finally done dealing with the Chickens, and begins to stumble over to PVZ, who is also shuffling towards it. Suddenly, PVZ throws a cluster of dynamite, which MC manages to catch, and the explosives detonate in MC's hand. In the smoke cloud that ensued, PVZ was unable to see MC walking over towards it, and when PVZ saw it, it was too late as MC swung its sword at the poncho PVZ was wearing. With a loud CLANG! the sword bounced off and the poncho was whisked away, revealing a metal plate underneath. With another swing, the plate went flying off. During that swing, PVZ was able to swipe at MC again, right as another portal appeared, this time behind MC. Both went into the portal.
[Time: Far Future, around 21:18]
[Location: Unknown Factory]
MC stumbled backwards through the portal, while PVZ simply landed on the ground, about as elegantly as a walking corpse can. PVZ then looked behind it, seeing a Shield Zombie's pod, devoid of a zombie within it. PVZ took this opportunity and climbed inside. As MC regained its bearings, it looked at its opponent, residing inside a large pod, with two claws coming from compartments on it. PVZ activated the pod's force field, with the large aquatic green lasers flaring to life as it did so. The claws extended to reach MC, who simply cut through one of them and tore off the other, before "dashing" towards the pod, being stopped by the force field. MC slashed and punched at the lasers, which began to give way. As this happened, PVZ abandoned ship and shuffled towards a different part of the factory, which had a Mecha-Football Zombie. However, it was rudely interrupted when MC got through the Shield pod and performed an overhead slash at PVZ, finally shattering the bricks that had been on PVZ's head this whole time. As this happened, a new portal opened underneath the both of them, sending both to a new area.
[Time: Big Wave Beach, around 19:57]
[Location: Unknown Beach]
Both undeads are dropped into an ocean, and while PVZ puts on its snorkel gear, MC simply sinks. MC begins to shake as it sinks deeper into the water, and it drops its sword. Suddenly, MC ceases shaking, taking on a new form, a Drowned. As it pulls out a glimmering trident, MC begins to aim its new weapon at the vague silhouette of its opponent, before throwing. With this, MC is launched through the ocean, and sent careening into an unsuspecting PVZ. This deals massive damage to PVZ, and it only escapes a follow-up attack when it is saved by a Zombified Dolphin. PVZ charges at MC, as the latter begins aiming its weapon again. The two meet in the middle, a portal opening once again. The two are swallowed by the new portal.
[Time: ???]
[Location: Minecraft]
A monstrous thunderstorm rages overhead, as two living dead are thrown from a portal. They look at the other, and pull out their strongest weapons. MC pulls out a different radiant trident, and PVZ readies a turquoise skull. MC throws this new trident, which PVZ dodges by a hair. The trident calls down a massive bolt of electricity from the sky, scorching the ground beneath the strike and severing PVZ's left arm up to the elbow, before returning to its owner. PVZ uses its sudden movement to catch MC off guard, firing a lean laser beam from the skull. MC jabs its trident forwards, in an attempt to intercept the beam, but the trident shatters on impact with the laser. The laser continues its path, scalding a hole through MC's chest, shattering the middle part of its chestplate as well. Before MC can react to anything else, PVZ throws a leftover bundle of dynamite at MC, blowing up in its face. This knocks MC's helmet off, along with sending it flying into a nearby hill.
PVZ closes in on MC, who is only able to feebly attempt to punch at PVZ before PVZ sends a hand into MC's now exposed head, finishing it off. PVZ looks at its now prey, seeing no delectable brains inside the head, rendering all of this a huge waste of time and effort. With a saddened look, it shuffles into a portal bringing it back to Modern-Day Neighborville, empty handed.
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: Aw man, no brains in sight. That sucks...
Wiz: This was an interesting battle to debate to be sure, but in the end the Plant battling zombie just had better conditions for victory.
Boomstick: Let's start with the cool stuff, stats!
Wiz: Surprisingly, the PVZ Zombie didn't have much that could actively get through the Minecraft Zombie's massive durability, which is more than 1.7 times stronger than the PVZ Zombie's strongest attacks. Despite this, the PVZ Zombie had many options of simply negating the Minecraft Zombie's durability altogether, such as torches or lasers. Additionally, the Minecraft Zombie's strongest attacks were actually more than 5 times weaker than the PVZ Zombie's highest durability.
Cornerbox: You can argue Plants Vs Zombies having cosmic feats through scaling in many ways, but for this bout we simply decided to use more direct feats, as we were able to justify Plants Vs Zombies winning without the cosmic feats. They can still apply, we just didn't feel a need to bring them up here.
Boomstick: So in terms of stats, it isn't too hard to argue that the PVZ Zombie could simply outlast the Minecraft Zombie's attacks until it managed to land a fatal blow. However, the big one here is speed.
Wiz: Correct. The Minecraft Zombie cannot move very fast, capping out at around 4.3 meters per second. Meanwhile, the PVZ Zombie can move at 6,631,389 meters per second, which is over 1.5 MILLION TIMES FASTER THAN THE MINECRAFT ZOMBIE.
Boomstick: Yeah, with a speed difference like that, I find it unlikely that the Minecraft Zombie would reliably pull off a win.
Wiz: This was an interesting debate, but the PVZ Zombie's arsenal, durability, and absurd speed made the Minecraft Zombie meet its final death.
Boomstick: The Minecraft Zombie just couldn't plant a victory, no matter what plan it crafted.
Wiz: The winner is the Zombie from Plants Vs Zombies.
Next Time![]
Other things[]
After almost two years and a name change, I'm back. Now that I'm done with this, I'll remaster the worst of my old scripts, Sephiroth vs Drakoth. This is because I don't want to finish Uzi vs Tetsuo before Murder Drones Episode 8 comes out, just in case.