Description[]
Marvel vs. Elfen Lied! These two unstoppable killing machines have had their lives marked with tragic pasts, dead loved ones, and being captured and held by shady organizations for experimentation. Wil Wolverine claw his way through Lucy or will Lucy use her vectors to take Wolverine out'.
Introduction[]
Wiz: Much of humanity’s success as a species is rooted in its drive to question, to understand and to experiment. Sometimes, this same drive leads to tragedy and blood-shed.
Boomstick: Just ask James Howlett, better known as Wolverine.
Wiz: Or Lucy, Queen of the Diclonius.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their armors, weapons, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Wolverine[]
Wiz: James Howlett was born a frail and sickly child. He would have likely died young if he had not manifested his mutant powers which allowed him to gain a healing factor, enhanced senses, and a set of retractable bone claws.
Boomstick: Bet those things are murder on a sofa.
Wiz: Soon after, James killed his abusive, alcoholic father in a fit of uncontrollable, animalistic rage. And it turns out for James he found out that the family groundskeeper Thomas Logan was his actual (or in this case) illegitimate father.
Boomstick: After losing not one, but two dada he escaped with his childhood crush, Rose. Who he later killed again in a fit of rage. Guy could sure go through an anger management class.
Wiz: After that incident James would later go on to fight three major wars which included World War I, World War II, and the Vietnam War. James was later abducted by the secret Canadian experimental government program, Weapon X, which sought to turn him into the perfect, living weapon by coating his skeleton in the nigh-indestructible metal called adamantium.
Boomstick: Buuut, as Mewtwo taught us the last time we had Lucy as a combatant, trying to engineer the ultimate living weapon never, ever goes well. When Weapon X began erasing his memories, Little Jimmy flipped out and used his shiny, new adamantium claws to decorate the inside of the laboratory with evil scientist-guts.
Wiz: With his memories destroyed, James was lost, without a purpose. After a lengthy military service and a scrap with the Incredible Hulk, he joined up with the group of heroic mutants called the X-Men, and took on the code-name, Wolverine.
Boomstick: Wolverine’s claws can cut through dang-near anything. In addition to cutting steel with ease, he has cut the skin of supposedly indestructible guys like the Blob, Colossus and even the Incredible Hulk. He’s strong enough to lift two tons, so he can put a lot of force behind those claws.
Wiz: Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton also gives him incredible durability. He has managed to survive even hits from the Hulk and Thor. In addition, his ability to regenerate allows him to shrug off debilitating wounds in seconds.
Boomstick: Between his skeleton and his regeneration, Wolverine is virtually indestructible. He hassurvived countless rounds of gunfire, being stabbed repeatedly, having his faceblown off, being crushed by a steam-roller and even being stripped to the bone by a massive explosion. As if that wasn’t enough, Wolverine is a martial-arts master on par with Iron Fist and Captain America, and his reflexes are so good, he was once able to counter an enemy moving faster than the speed of sound. He’s also got enhanced senses, which make him an excellent tracker.
Wiz: Also, while Wolverine rarely appears to need tactics more sophisticated than “run forward and stab everyone you don’t like”, he has a massive pool of combat experience thanks to being over 200 years old and fighting in nearly every war in American history. He has demonstrated more than once that he is capable of using effective tactics and stealth to triumph when out-numbered.
Boomstick: Jeez, this guy has a lot going for him. Isn’t there anyway to stop him?
Wiz: Well, Wolverine is not without his flaws. Though he can function within a team when necessary, he is crass, impulsive and self-centered, and frequently insults his team-members and runs off when they need him most. Also, as mentioned above, being enraged or injured can cause him to go berserk, abandoning tactics and fighting like a rabid animal.
Boomstick Pfft. Who needs friends or tactics when you’re immortal?
Spider: Yeah, about that… while Wolverine’s healing factor is not without its limits. If he is decapitated or his brain is otherwise destroyed, he will die. His healing factor can also be over-worked and reduced by certain poisons, or overcome by a carbonadium blade like the Murasama. Also, while adamantium is frequently described as “virtually indestructible”, it can be cut by the rapidly vibrating metal called vibranium. It can also be bent or broken by a sufficient amount of pressure, as demonstrated by the Incredible Hulk, but this takes an absurd amount of force.
Boomstick: One thing’s for sure, though. If you piss off Wolverine, you’re… boned.
Wiz: …Really? Really?
Boomsticck: What? I was just trying tibea humerus. Don’t be so marrow-minded! I’ve got a skele-ton more where those came from, and if you don’t like my puns, that’s no skin off my bo—.
Wiz: Stop.
[Cllip from X-Men Origins: Wolverine]
Wolverine: I’m the best there is at what I do. And what I do ain’t very nice.
Lucy Diclonius[]
Spider: Lucy was—
Pixie: Blah, blah, blah! We already did Lucy’s analysis back when she fought Mewtwo. Let’s just get on with the fight already!
Spider [sighs]: If you insist…
[Clip from Elfen Lied]
Lucy: You have to understand. I was born to put an end to human life.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Wolverine stalks through the streets of a city in Japan. His keen senses soon guide him to his target; a young woman with pink hair and a pair of small, triangular horns. The X-man waits for his target to wander into an unoccupied street, then springs out from the darkness to confront her.
“Been lookin’ for you for quite some time,” Wolverine growls. “Xavier says you’re one of the most dangerous mutants he’s ever seen. Can’t exactly let you keep wandering around unsupervised. Time you got yourself a baby-sitter.”
The woman looks at Wolverine, blinks and cocks her head. “Nyu?”
“Don’t play dumb with me!” Wolverine roars, popping his claws. “You’re coming with me, one way or another.”
Nyu stares at Wolverine’s claws and steps back, trembling with fear. Abruptly, she lowers her eyes and goes still. When she looks up, it is not Nyu staring at Wolverine, but Lucy.
“Would you like to explain where you plan on taking me?” she asks.
“To some people who can teach you how to control your gift, use it protect humanity. But if that’s not your cup of tea, I’m sure we can find a nice, cold prison cell to keep you locked up in.”
Lucy smirks. “Oh, you want to protect humanity? Let’s see you protect it from me.”
FIGHT!
Wolverine rushes forwards and swings his claw at Lucy’s throat, but Lucy deflects it with a vector. The claw sparks and gives off a loud, ringing clang as it strikes the vector. Wolverine looks down at his claw, momentarily puzzled, then lunges at Lucy. The young Diclonius uses her vectors to leap over Wolverine’s head, and lands at the far end of the street, then picks up a parked car and hurls it at Wolverine. Wolverine ducks as the car goes sailing over his head. He charges down the street, his claws extended, but suddenly a vector slices open his pectoral mass. Blood spills down his chest, and he grits his teeth and snarls as the wound begins to close back up.
Lucy quirks her eyebrows. “You can regenerate? Interesting. I wonder how many times I’ll have to cut you before you stop getting back up.”
“Ain’t met a blade that can cut me down yet,” Wolverine spits back. “My skeleton’s made of the strongest metal around… but you’re welcome to try.”
Lucy vector-punches Wolverine in the face, and his adamantium skull rings with the force of the blow. With the X-man stunned, Lucy unleashes a flurry of vector-slashes, slicing rapidly across Wolverine’s face, torso and limbs. Blood mists the air, and Lucy seizes Wolverine, lifts him into the air and slams him into the pavement. Wolverine lays panting on the ground for a moment, but the wounds close up, and he stands. He can’t see anything striking him, but his enhanced ears reveal a peculiar sound, a quiet buzz of rapid vibration.
“Thought you were a telekinetic,” he mutters, “but that’s not quite right, is it?”
Lucy launches another vector slice, but this time, Wolverine listens to the sound of the incoming vibration and prepares himself. Just as the vector is about to slice into his neck, he throws up his claw and parries the attack.
Lucy stares, her eyes widening. “That can’t be possible…”
Wolverine smirks. “Alright, you had your shot. Now it’s my turn!”
The X-man charges. Lucy attacks with a barrage of vectors, but Wolverine parries them with his claws and keeps charging closer. Sparks fly around his gleaming claws as he advances. Just as he is about to close the gap, Lucy’s vectors sneak in from behind, and she severs both of Wolverine’s Achilles tendons. Ham-strung, Wolverine falls to his knees, and Lucy disembowels him, spilling his bloody entrails across the pavement. The X-man howls in pain and spits blood. He lays shaking on his hands and knees, and as his tendons begin to heal, a berserk rage engulfs his mind. He explodes off the ground and charges. Lucy tears at his flesh, but he ignores the wounds and drives both sets of claws straight through Lucy’s stomach, impaling her.
Lucy looks down in shock and terror as Wolverine lifts her off the ground, blood running from the claws protruding from her back.
“Game over, bub,” Wolverine snarls, then tears his claws out and kicks Lucy in the chest.
She hits the pavement on her back as her blood begins to pool. As Wolverine turns and walks away, Lucy lays reaching feebly at his back.
“Kouta,” she breathes. “I… no.” Lucy clutches her stomach as the flow of blood staunches and her wounds begin to close. “This isn’t the end.” She stands.
Wolverine freezes in his tracks as he hears Lucy’s vectors buzz to life. He turns to defend himself, but two vectors stab through his chest, shattering his adamantium rib-cage. Lucy’s vectors curl around and through his arms and legs, holding him suspended in the air in a crucifix-pose.
Lucy stares at him, her eyes narrowed in rage as she tightens her grip around his body. “Are you suffering? Don’t worry... I’ll put you out of your misery.”
Her vectors flash through Wolverine’s entire body from every angle, mincing him into a pile of pulped flesh and broken adamantium.
K.O!
Lucy hears police sirens approaching, and uses her vectors to leap away and escape.
Post-Battle Analysis[]
Boomstick: …Again? AGAIN!? MOTHER-FU—.
Wiz: In many ways, Wolverine and Lucy were pretty evenly matched. With his adamantium skeleton and superior healing factor, Wolverine outclassed Lucy in durability, and with his super-sonic reflexes and his super-hearing, he was actually able to defend himself against Lucy’s vectors… for a while. However, defending himself against a foe capable of attacking with at least eight invisible limbs at once wasn’t easy, and while Wolverine’s adamantium skeleton gave him tremendous durability, it still wasn’t hard enough to stop a full-force vector slice. The Marvel universe has shown us time and time again that adamantium can be trumped by vibranium, a metal that cuts using rapid vibrations. Lucy’s vectors work the exact same way, by using rapid vibration. Besides that, adamantium has been bent and broken before by the Incredible Hulk, who, at his peak, was strong enough to destroy a planet. Just like the Hulk, Lucy is a planet-buster, and perfectly capable of destroying adamantium. Even if you want to insist that her vectors can’t cut adamantium, she could have easily circumvented his indestructible skull by sending her vectors through his eye-sockets to destroy his brain.
Boomstick: Okay, so Lucy can cut Wolverine. Big deal. That doesn’t excuse a two-hundred year-old veteran soldier losing to a teenage girl.
Spider: While Wolverine did have more experience, Lucy’s no slouch when it comes to tactics, and upon being injured, Wolverine’s berserker rage clouded his ability to think clearly and form a winning strategy. While the two were matched in reflexes, cutting power and intelligence, Lucy’s vectors gave her a massive reach advantage, and without an effective way of fighting from a distance or closing the gap, Wolverine simply couldn’t overcome that advantage. Lucy’s vector-jumps also gave her a huge mobility advantage over Wolverine, making it even more difficult for him to get in close and put his melee skills to use.
Boomstick: But Wolverine fights telekinetic guys like Magneto all the time!.
Wiz: Yeah, and he usually loses horribly. When fighting Magneto, Wolverine almost always relies on teamwork and prep time. Today, he didn’t have those factors to aid him, and his durability advantage couldn’t change the fact that he had almost no means of getting close enough to land a fatal blow, especially when he had no knowledge of Lucy’s regeneration. Lucy, on the other hand, was perfectly capable of decapitating Wolverine the moment she laid eyes on him. Her sadism let the fight drag on much longer than it might have, but the moment she realized that Wolverine was a serious threat and stopped playing around, the fight was as good as over.
Boomstck: Someone told me Wolverine was going to win this fight… but I guess they Elfen Lied.
Spider: The winner is Lucy Diclonius.