Death Battle Fanon Wiki
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Description[]

Mario Bros. vs Skylanders! Which money-grubbing maniac will take home the gold?

Intro[]

Wiz: Gold. This shiny, rare mineral has driven many to insanity in their attempts to claim it.

Boomstick: Case in point, these money-grubbing freakshows.

Wiz: Trigger Happy, the Golden Gunslinger.

Boomstick: And Wario, Mario's obese clone.

Wiz: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick, and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Wario[]

(Cue Super Mario Land 2- Overworld Theme [Remastered])

Boomstick: There aren’t many people who don’t know Nintendo’s favorite mascot and cash cow, Mario.

Wizard: Since his beginning in 1981, Mario has inspired countless other video game franchises. But there came a day when he inspired a video game portraying the plumber’s evil side.

Boomstick: Yeah, if his evil side gained 100 pounds, had a wardrobe malfunction, and had a plastic surgery/brain surgery go horribly, horribly wrong.

(Wario: Wahaha! It’s-a me! Wario!)

Boomstick: Real creative name, Nintendo. “Oh! What are we going to name the evil version of Mario?” “Oh, have you tried turning his ‘M’ upside-down?” “Brilliant! Cut! Print! Give that man a raise and start the merchandise, clothing lines and unnecessarily sexy cosplay!”

Wizard: Actually Boomstick, that name is quite creative. Wario’s name actually comes from combining Mario’s name with the Japanese word “Warui” meaning “bad.” So his name is, in a sense, “Bad Mario.”

Boomstick: Wow. Props to you Nintendo, you clever, clever Japanese bastards.

(Cue Starring Wario)

Wizard: Wario came from humble—and homely—beginnings as a chunky copycat who stole Mario’s castle…

Boomstick: Wait, he has a castle?

Wizard: I guess Peach must’ve given him one after he saved her for the umpteenth time.

Boomstick: Then why does he live in that cramped house with his beanpole brother?

Wizard: Luigi probably gets lonely. Like I was saying, Wario stole Mario’s castle, hypnotizing and wiping the minds of its denizens while…

Boomstick: Wait a minute! He knows hypnotism?

Wizard: Apparently…

Wario: Obey Wario! Destroy Mario!

Boomstick: Not very good, is he?

Wizard: It’s more of a hobby, I guess. He apparently accomplished this while Mario was saving Daisy in Sarassaland.

Boomstick: Geez, you’d think with all the ladies Mario’s saving on the side that Peach would dump his sorry ass.

Wizard: After being beaten by Mario and kicked out from the castle, Wario has played a the role of a treasure-hunting anti hero, rescuing princesses…

Boomstick: Because he wants their treasure.

Wizard: Freeing helpless creatures…

Boomstick: And then forcing them to build him a mansion.

Epsilon: And creating a minigame empire…

Boomstick: To, of course, make a butt-ton of cash. The fat fuck's got so many greedy ulterior motives; he’d make a good politician.

(Play last scene from Wario World commercial)

(Cue Wario's Theme)

Wizard: Despite his overweight appearance, Wario is actually crafty and powerful. He has almost superhuman strength, said to exceed Mario’s and even rival Donkey Kong’s and Bowser’s strength!

Boomstick: He can pick up massive objects and enemies as well as swinging them around or just chucking them across the map!

Wizard: He can also make use of his strength through his various combat techniques. His Dash attack has him charge headlong into an enemy and ramming them for huge amounts of damage. His Piledriver move picks up an enemy and slams them to the ground headfirst.

Boomstick: The Corkscrew allows him to spin into the air and rocket back down like a flabby meteor. And his Earthquake Fist shakes the ground as well as anything that’s on it! Wario can even make use of his fat ass to ground pound any unfortunate chump that happens to b underneath him. I don’t think there’s a worse way to die than being sat on by that thing.

Wizard: Don’t be so sure. Wario doesn’t just have outer strength. His greatest strength is inside of him.

Boomstick: Wow. That’s cheesy even for you.

Wizard: No, I mean it’s literally inside his body. Wario’s gastrointestinal system is likely the most lethal weapon he has. He can stretch his jaw to the point where he can bite the head off of an opponent twice his size. His stomach is capable of digesting nearly anything he swallows. Adding insult to injury, Wario’s favorite food is garlic. So if he chomps you, you’re stuck with that smell on you for quite some time.

Boomstick: Not to mention that the garlic gives him power! After eating a bad clove of garlic, he becomes his alter ego, Wario-Man!

(Wario's Final Smash)

(Cue Red-Brief J's Showdown)

Wizard: The Wario-Man form increases Wario's power and speed, allows him limited flight...

Boomstick: And gives him an outfit more ridiculous than Mario's Frog Suit!

Wizard: Bizarre wardrobe aside, while in this form no attacks can visibly faze him. However, he is not invincible. He still takes damage; he just doesn't react to it. And, of course, this form doesn't last for long, so he has to use it wisely. Also, that bad clove of garlic messes with his digestion in horrible ways. After a few seconds in this form, Wario can use his most powerful, and most disgusting attack: the Wario Waft.

(Show Wario’s gas attack from SSBB Trailer)

Boomstick: This brings back horrifying flashbacks of my ex-wife and Taco Bell. (Shudder)

Wizard: The Wario Waft is a fart so powerful that it not only knocks his opponents back, but it launches himself in the air. However, after being used once, he has to wait for it to recharge.

Boomstick: And as we all know, if he tries to push out a fart, it doesn't come out the way you expect.

Wiz: Wario doesn't just have physical strength. He has a vast arsenal of technology at his disposal. He has two modes of transportation: The Wario Mobile, and the Wario Bike.

Boomstick: The Wario Mobile is a… very, very purple convertible that- like its driver- is powerful, but fast.

Wiz: The Wario Bike is a yellow motorcycle that is very fast, but is very hard to control. Wario apparently likes the bike so much that he keeps in his pocket… somehow.

Boomstick: When he’s done with the bike, it can be picked up and thrown, or, if Wario doesn’t want it stolen, he just… eats it. Hang on… If he eats the bike… then maybe he pulls it out of---

Wiz: MOVING ON, he also has an arsenal of disguises that he can use due to him stealing… er… finding a magic wand named Goodstyle.

Boomstick: Geez, does everything in the Mushroom Kingdom have a mustache?

Wiz: His thief disguise makes him run faster and jump higher, the Dragon disguise can spit fire, and the Cosmic disguise allows him to shoot lasers.

Boomstick: Wario’s definitely got power to spare, but as you can imagine, his weight does make him rather slow. Not to mention all that blubber makes him a pretty big target.

Wiz: And even though he may be stronger than Mario, he has lost to him several times, whether he fights him head on, or competes against him in various sports.

Boomstick: He’s also so greedy that once he sees anything that looks like wealth, he drops everything he does to get it.

Wiz: Nonetheless, Wario’s power has helped him take down entire pirate crews, best colossal monsters in a golden pyramid, destroy an evil gem with his bare hands, and even win himself his share of princess kisses.

Boomstick: Move over Mike Myers! There’s a new fat bastard in town!

Wario: Wait till they get a load of me! Wahahahahaha!

Trigger Happy[]

(Cue Scrap Shooter Theme)

Boomstick: Oh, God. This thing gives me the creeps.

Wiz: How so?

Boomstick: Look at him! Those piercing beady eyes, that nasty long tongue, that insane laugh… He’s got the makings of a serial killer!

Wiz: Despite his appearances, Trigger Happy is one of the most well-known heroes in Skylands. However, even though his name is well-known, not much else is known about this pint-sized gunman. Nobody even knows where he came from. Legend has it that he appeared out of nowhere one day in a village under attack by bandits. And after seeing the bandits…

Boomstick: He pulled out his twin golden pistols and unloaded, like, a million dollars in gold coins at those bandits, who promptly hauled ass out of there! The town became rich, and Trigger Happy became a legend!

Wiz: It didn’t take long for word of his deeds to reach Master Eon, who promptly invited Trigger Happy to become one of the Skylanders…

Boomstick: A super group made up of more mutated freaks than the X-Men!

Wiz: Actually, Boomstick, they… pretty much are the Skylands equivalent of X-Men.

Play this over Master Eon speaking:

(Prof X: We were born with extraordinary powers… abilities… the next stage in human evolution.)

(Cue Skylanders: Title Screen)

Boomstick: This thing solves problems the way I do: Blasting them to smithereens!

Wiz: It’s quite easy for him to do so as well. His two golden pistols rapidly fire gold coins and never run out of ammunition. The coins don’t do much damage by themselves, but in rapid succession, they can really leave a mark.

Boomstick: I want a gun that shoots money! Not enough money to by booze? Bam bam bam! Tax people won’t get off your ass? Bam bam bam!

Wiz: And that long tongue of his isn’t just for show. He can use it like a whip or a grappler to swing off of various objects. Trigger Happy can also throw explosive golden objects, ranging from safes to pots of gold to a giant coin that does more damage if it lands heads-up.

Boomstick: Where does he keep those?

Wiz: Probably the same place Wario keeps his bike.

Boomstick: You mean in his—

Wiz: MOVING ON!!!! He can also fuse his guns to fire a charge shot or to create a money minigun that fires bankloads of coins at an even faster rate than normal. While he’s firing his minigun, he can shoot a laser out of it that deals massive damage.

Boomstick: His coins really burn holes in your pockets. And your entire wardrobe. And that’s not even his best attack! He can pull a rocket out of nowhere and ride on it, traveling for long distances before coming to an explosive landing.

Wiz: But for his most powerful attack, he fuses his guns and charges them up to full power and releases his ultimate attack: the Golden Yamato Blast. An enormous golden laser that obliterates anything in its path and is even powerful enough to knock Trigger Happy back a bit.

Boomstick: I’ve seen bigger lasers.

Wizard: He also has a sidekick named Trigger Snappy, who has all of the powers of Trigger Happy, but half the size, meaning half the durability, half the power, but twice the speed.

Boomstick: And a voice that’s twice as annoying…

Trigger Snappy: Heeheehee! No Gold, No Glory! (Screen Shatters)

Wiz: Even with all of his firepower, he’s not very strong himself.

Boomstick: Really? I mean he can throw all of that huge golden stuff… and those guns that he carries look pretty heavy…

Wiz: That may be, but he has terrible durability. He officially has the lowest health out of any of the Skylanders. In other words, he can deal the damage, but he can’t take it.

Boomstick: But he’s got more than enough speed to make up for his lack of defense. He’s also so efficient with his guns that he doesn’t even have to aim! He zips around like a mosquito and stings like one too!

Wiz: Even with his low stats, he’s helped defeat two dark portal masters, an ancient robot civilization, These… purple things… and an entire gang of world-infamous criminals.

Boomstick: If you hear his laughter, you can’t run. You’re already his.

[Trigger Happy Intro]

Intermission[]

Wiz: All right, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!

Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!

DEATH BATTLE![]

Time and Date: Friday, 11:00 PM

Location: Big City

A city is illuminated by neon lights. For some reason, the bustling city is empty, save one loud, purple convertible with music cranked up to maximum volume.

After a long days work of thievery, Wario rides in his convertible down an empty street, digging for gold… in his nose, anyways.

Among the neon lights, Wario spots a glimmer on the ground. A shiny gold coin. Not bothering to stop, he jumps out of his car--- which careens into a light post--- and grabs up the coin.

Looking to his left, he sees a trail of golden coins. He picks them up one by one. After a while, the golden trail stops. Wario looks up and stares into the barrel of a golden pistol.

He jumps back and sees the owner of the gun. It was a short, furry, red… thing. After spinning his pistols and sticking them in his pockets, he points at the pudgy plumber and growls.

“DROP MY AMMO!” yells the red gunslinger. “IF YOU DON'T, I'LL—“

“Hold up! Yer ammo?” Asks Wario. “Ya mean all these coins that I found on the ground? Why’re ya shootin’ this valuable gold?!”

The red gremlin points one of his guns at Wario. “NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX! GIVE 'EM HERE!”

Wario eyes the shining gun in Trigger Happy’s hand. “Say, pal… You wouldn’t happen to know where you got them beautiful pistols, wouldja?”

Trigger Happy glares at the overweight plumber without changing facial expression or lowering his pistol. “MADE 'EM MYSELF!” He responds.

A glint appears in Wario’s eyes and a sly smile stretches across his wide face. “Really?” he snickers. “So those are the only ones? Would you mind if I… borrowed them for a little bit?”

Trigger Happy cocks his guns and aims them at Wario’s bulbous, onion-like nose. “BACK OFF, CHUNKY! THESE ARE MINE!”

Wario calmly pulls a golden pocket watch out of his purple overalls. He swings it back and forth in front of Trigger Happy’s yellow, beady eyes. “I don’t think you understand. You will give me those guns.”

“NO I WON'T.” Trigg says, confused.

“Wha?” Wario looks over the watch and sees Trigger Happy’s eyes looking in opposite directions.

Wario throws the watch on the ground as his face quickly changes from a crafty grin to an angry grimace. “Look, you little munchkin! I ain’t leavin’ here without those guns! So either you hand ‘em over, or I’ll rip ‘em outta yer stumpy little mitts!”

Wario grabs onto his guns and tries to pull them away. Trigg pulls back, trying to get them out of Wario’s grubby hands. In the struggle, the short shooter pulls the trigger. A coin shoots out of it and hits Wario square in the nose. Wario reels back, growling and clutching his nose.

Trigg brushes himself off and aims his guns back on the pudgy plumber. “WARNING SHOT, FATSO! THERE'S PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!”

Cue “Count Cannoli- Gametal

Wario looks at his gloves, now with drops of nose blood on them. He shakes with rage. “You… damaged my beautiful face…” He growls. “I’ll… I’ll…” He glares at the gremlin gunner and says with a roar, “I’LL SKIN YOU ALIVE YOU LITTLE PUNK!!!!”

FIGHT!![]

Wario rushes at the gremlin with a dash attack, but Trigg leaps out of the way and fires a couple shots at the plumber powerhouse. Wario blocks two with his arm and grabs one in his teeth. He reels back and spits it directly at Trigg. The crafty gremlin grabs it back with his tongue and loads it back into his gun.

However, that coin was laced with Wario’s saliva, which reeks of garlic. After landing, Trigg bends over and tries to scrub the taste off of his tongue.

Wario takes the opportunity and charges into the gremlin with ramming speed, stunning him. He grabs Trigg by the legs and swings him around and around, launching him towards the wreckage of Wario’s convertible. Trigger Happy lashes out his tongue, which wraps around the lamppost.  He spins himself around the lamppost before letting go and flying straight towards Wario.

“HERE COMES TRIGGER HAPPY! IN THE FACE!!”

Wham! Trigg rams directly into Wario’s oversized gut. Seeing his foe doubled over, the gremlin slams his guns together and fires a charge shot into Wario’s face. He proceeds to spin his guns around like nunchuks, pistol-whipping Wario several times before firing three well-placed shots into his leg, gut and teeth, respectively.

The shot to the teeth knocks Wario onto his back. Trigg jumps back and begins charging his guns. Wario leaps up and grabs the guns, wrenching them out of Trigger Happy’s hands. He then punches Trigg in the face multiple times, before grabbing him and piledriving him onto the pavement. Wario launches into the air with his corkscrew attack and dives toward the red menace. Trigg quickly reaches into his pocket and grabs the first thing he finds: a solid gold safe. He yanks it out and chucks it at the massive madman.

CLANK! Wario’s head hits against the safe, stopping him in his tracks. Wario falls to the ground, dizzy. The safe falls directly on top of him and explodes, launching Wario into the distance. Trigg quickly grabs his guns and fuses them into a minigun and looses a flurry of shiny bullets toward his fat foe.

Wario sits up and sees the coins flying towards him. With a yipe, he turns tail and runs. While he runs, he notices the coins catching up to him, followed by the feeling of them hitting him square in the butt. They hit him until he ran behind a metal crate in the street. He can feel the coins clanking on the side of the crate.

“Gah!” Wario groans. “This little munchkin is tough!” Suddenly, he hears a British voice coming out of his pocket.

“Might I be of assistance sir?”

Meanwhile, back by the wreckage of the Wario Mobile, the money minigun had screeched to a stop. Trigger Happy, confident that he won, turns and begins to walk away.

Part 2: Silent but Deadly?[]

“I AIN’T FINISHED WITH YOU YET!!”

Cue “Wario: Master of Disguise: Terrormisu

Before Trigg can turn around, he feels a sharp blow on the back of his head. He flies across the empty road before landing on his stumpy feet and skidding to a halt. He regains his bearings and looks at the person that hit him.

“YOU AGAIN? DON'T YOU KNOW WHEN TO QUIT?”

The masked plumber cackles triumphantly. “I am no longer the handsome man you once knew! I am now the master thief known as the Purple Wind! I am silent but deadly!”

Trigg looks to the camera and says (As an aside) “I should tell Stealth Elf about this guy...” He then pulls out his guns and aims them at the—now masked—plumber and lets out a maniacal laugh. “CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES ALL YOU WANT, JERK! I'LL KICK YOUR BUTT JUST AS---“

His taunt was cut short as he received a gloved punch to his face. When he looked back, he couldn’t find a trace of the person that punched him. Just as quickly, he feels a series of punches being delivered all over his body.

Now feeling intense pain from the repetitive punches, he falls onto one knee. Panting, Trigger Happy frantically looks around, seeing several of the Purple Wind's afterimage. Seemingly out of ideas, he fires wildly around in a circle, trying to hit the real plumber. After hearing the 'clink' of a gold coin against Wario's forehead, Trigg takes advantage of the stunned thief and tosses another safe of gold at him.

SMASH!

The gold safe hits his head and explodes, stunning Wario. Trigg fuses his pistols into his money minigun and starts firing directly into Wario’s open mouth. After about 15 seconds of this, the coin flow slowed. Wario bends over and spits out all of the coins in his mouth, gagging and choking. He looks back at his attacker. His face takes on a shade of white as he sees a laser brewing in the minigun.

BLLLLLLLLAAAAAAZZZZZZTTT!

The laser hits Wario and knocks him back into the darkness of an alleyway.

Trigg knew that it couldn’t be over. He points his guns into the darkness and begins charging. The ends of his guns begin to glow brightly as his ultimate attack was almost ready to fire.

Suddenly he hears a noise in the distance. It sounds like… an engine.

VRRRRRRRRRMMMMM!!!

Trigg quickly dives to the side as a yellow motorcycle speeds out of the darkness, just narrowly avoiding it. Wario makes his motorcycle do a quick turn and skid to a stop. “Let’s see how you do against the Wario Bike, munchkin!” He yells with a laugh.

Seeing Wario’s shiny ride gave Trigger Happy an idea. He reaches into his pocket and grabs a giant golden rocket. He jumps on top of it and gets ready to ride.

Wario stares in shock. “How the… Where did you get that rocket???”

“WHERE'D YOU GET THE BIKE?” responds Trigger Happy with a smirk.

“Touché.” muttered Wario.

Part 3: Street Race[]

Cue “Wolfgang Boss Music

After a moment of awkward silence, the Wario Bike’s motor revs and the rocket’s engines fire up. In an instant, they were off. They both fly down the empty roads on their vehicles. Trigg notices that Wario is in his view and fires three charged shots. One hits Wario on the back of the head, getting his attention. The other two Wario sees and manages to dodge them.

Wario knew he couldn’t dodge the coins forever. He grabs Goodstyle out of his pocket and draws a tail on his large rear. Suddenly, Wario changes into a dragon. He sees Trigger Happy fly overhead. Taking a deep breath, the costumed criminal spits a jet of fire in his direction.

Trigg spins around and sees the fire coming towards him. He veers his rocket and narrowly avoids it. He fires several coins at Wario while simultaneously dodging Wario’s nasty breath. Wario continues spitting fire at the rocket that flew above him.

Eventually, Wario’s fire breath manages to press back against Trigger Happy’s firepower. Trigg manages to duck, and the fire singes the top of his head. Wario takes another deep breath and prepares to scorch the red gremlin to ashes.

Knowing that he couldn’t withstand another fiery onslaught, Trigg flips around and tosses a golden safe at the Wario Bike. Wario sees the golden projectile flying at him and lets loose his flames again. The flames manage to push back against the safe.

But then Wario sees a shadow over his head. Over the safe flies a massive golden pot.

SMASH!! The pot lands directly on Wario’s head, stopping the fire. The safe that was being pushed back falls directly in front of Wario’s bike, flipping it forward and throwing Wario to the pavement. Trigg flies ahead on his rocket, cackling loudly.

Wario looks at the rocket getting smaller as it flies off. He sees what remained of his bike on the ground and, in a fit of rage, picks up his bike and throws it at the fleeing rocket with a grunt.

Trigger Happy, celebrating his win, doesn’t notice the wreckage of his opponent’s vehicle flying at his rocket. The Wario Bike crashes into the rear of the rocket, exploding and sending the rocket on a downward spiral towards the ground. The explosion launches Trigger Happy through one of the buildings.

Part 4: A Snappy Surprise[]

He crawls out of the wreckage limping and in severe pain. He looks up and--- through blurred vision--- sees his opponent storming towards him. Then, he passes out.

Wario walks up to the unconscious red gremlin and looks down at him with a grin. “Ya put up a good fight, kid,” Wario growls, “but now, I’m gonna end it.” Wario raises his fist in the air and prepares to deliver one final blow to finish him off.

CLANG! Two golden pistols smack the sides of Wario’s head.

Wario whips around to attack whoever smacked him. But nothing was there.

BANG! Wario feels something hard and cold crack against his jaw. He stumbles back in confusion. He looks down and sees what looks like his little red foe, but … littler.

“What the heck are you???”

Cue “Dr. Krankcase Theme

The mini marksman pulls out two pistols almost the size of his body and points them at the confused plumber. “BACK OFF!!!” The tiny gremlin squeaks. “I'LL PROTECT HIM TIL MY LAST BREATH!”

Wario stands back up and cracks his knuckles “That can be arranged, pipsqueak!”

Suddenly, the tiny terror jets to the left of Wario and fires several shots at him. Wario tried to hit him, but he couldn’t seem to catch him. Trigger Snappy runs circles around his obese opponent, firing multiple shots at him and hitting him on nearly every square inch of his body. Wario decides he’s had enough. He raises his fist and slams it to the ground.

“EARTHQUAKE FIST!”

With a smash, Trigger Snappy flies upwards, allowing Wario to land a powerful punch in his face and send him flying. Wario grabs Goodstyle and draws himself a helmet, turning him into Cosmic Wario.

The pseudo-spaceman fires a laser at the flying gremlin. Snappy manages to dodge the laser and lands without a scratch. Wario fires several more lasers, but Snappy dodges every single one. Quickly, the speedy shooter reaches into his pocket, grabs the first thing he feels, and throws it.

Wario looks up and sees a giant coin (with Trigger Happy’s mug on it) about to fall on top of him. He fires a laser at the coin, hoping it would veer off course.

Unfortunately for him, all it does is make it land heads-up.

BOOM! The coin lands directly on top of Wario, crushing him into the road. Snappy breathes a sigh of relief and runs over to his fallen hero. Trigg wakes up with a cough. He looks and sees his mini-me staring down at him and smiles.

“BOUT TIME YOU GOT HERE, SNAPPY!” He groans with a laugh.

Snappy smiles and reaches into his pocket, pulling out some fruit. “Here. You should eat something.”

The aching gunman gladly wolfs down the fruit. He immediately feels better.

“C'MON!” Snappy says happily. “LET'S GET BACK TO THE ACADEMY!”

Trigger Happy doesn’t move. He looks at the colossal coin. “IT'S NOT OVER YET!”

Part 5: Deranged Easter Bunny vs Pink Nightmare[]

Cue “Gamer: Mom

Suddenly, a fist smashes through the coin, causing it to explode. The twin gunners ready their weapons.

From the remnants of the coin rises a shadow. Suddenly, the shadow vanishes.

Amidst the smog and fumes, the two gunmen stand back to back. Trigg’s eyes and ears dart back and forth, trying to see/listen for any sign of the ominous shadow. Snappy does the same.

"KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED, SNAPPY…” When no response comes, he looks towards where Snappy was. Nothing was there except for a dull yellow cloud. He feels a hand on the back of his neck and fires a shot behind him. He hears the shot hit its mark, but the grip does not loosen.

With a painful jerk, the hand pulls Trigg off of his feet and drags him across the pavement. Trigg fires multiple shots behind him, but he continues to be dragged by the powerful hand. In a flash, Trig is lifted into the air and slammed into the pavement. He flips over and looks up at whatever it was that grabbed him.

“I gotta say, Red,” Says the man above him, “You’re harder to kill than a cockroach. But it ends here! Wario-Man will make sure of that!” Through blurry vision, Trigg saw who it was. It was indeed Wario, but wearing a pink outfit with cloves of garlic all over it.

“ARE YOU… EVER… GONNA RUN OUTTA COSTUMES?” Trigg wheezes.

“I’ve had enough of yer smart mouth!” Wario-Man raises two fists into the air to finish him off. “Now I’ll smash it into mush!”

Trigg rolls to the left, narrowly dodging the punch. The shockwave, however, launches him into the air.  Trigg throws two safes down at the pseudo superhero. Both hit him directly on the head, but he didn’t flinch.

Trigg looks at his enemy with a horrified expression. “WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU??” screams Trigg. “AND WHERE'S SNAPPY??”

“Oh, you mean yer little midget friend?” Wario-Man sneers.

He pulls a small pair of golden pistols out of his pockets and wipes his mouth. “He was tough to swallow.”

Cue “Bringing Order to Kaos

Trigg looks at the pink monster with a face mixed with horror and hate. With a roar, Trigg fires everything in his arsenal at the menace across from him. He lobs safes and pots of gold and unloads every ounce of ammo he can get out of his minigun. All of them hit dead-on, but Wario-Man doesn’t move a muscle.

“WAHAHAHAHA!!! Just give up!” the heavy heathen yells triumphantly. “You can’t even scratch me! I’m invinci—“

Suddenly, Wario stops gloating. He falls to his knees and grabs his stomach. “Graaaaghh…” he moans, “My… stomach…. What the heck… did I… eat…?”

With a lurch, something shoots out of Wario-Man’s mouth. A clove of green garlic with a note carved into it. “Her’Es what gAVe Him tHe pOWers! gOod luCK siR!”

Trigg sheds a small tear. “THANKS, SNAPPY... I WON'T LET THIS GO TO WASTE!!”

Trigger Happy holds his guns in front of him and begins charging his final attack. Wario, now back in his original state, climbs back onto one knee and sees the red gremlin charging an attack. He quickly turns around and begins readying… his own attack. 

“GOLDEN YAMATO BLAST!!!”

A massive golden beam bursts forth from Trigg’s pistols.

“PPPPFFFFFFVBBBBFFTTTTT!!”

A huge cloud of fumes rockets out of Wario’s colossal caboose.

The two golden beams meet each other and collide with a blast of light. Both forces push against each other with unbelievable force. The Golden Yamato beam begins to push back against Wario’s warhead waft. The latter, realizing that he might lose this battle, looks around for something—anything—that could give him an advantage. Not letting up, Wario slowly walks forward and grabs onto the one thing he can get his hands on. Then, with a quick tilt, he launches himself—and the object—into the air, narrowly avoiding the Golden beam.

The beam dies down. Trigg falls to his knees, thinking that he vaporized his opponent.

Then, he looks up in horror.

SMASH!!!!!

Wario lands on the paved road and stands up. Behind him is the wreckage of his purple convertible. Two red, furry arms holding pistols are sticking out from under it. Wario walks over to the wreckage, picks up the two golden pistols, and walks away.

K.O.!

Results[]

(Cue WarioWare, Inc.)

<Wario is shown riding on the Wario Bike, shooting coins into the air.>

Boomstick: As if that guy needed to be any richer…

Wiz: Trigger Happy’s speed and gadgets certainly helped him avoid powerful attack multiple times, but Wario’s durability trumped any card Trigg had up his non-existent sleeves.

Boomstick: Not to mention Wario had just as many gadgets as Trigg. And while Trigger Happy has stood up against numerous foes that threatened the world, he usually has the help of the other Skylanders.

Wiz: Wario on the other hand has faced just as many powerful foes single-handedly, often armed with nothing but his fists and his brute strength.

Boomstick: In the end, Trigg’s gold and glory couldn’t match Wario’s fart of gold.

1

Wiz: The winner is Wario!

Next Time[]

TRAILER

P.S. Somebody was nice enough to make this trailer for me without me even asking!

Alternate Ending[]

SMASH!

Wario lands on the paved road and stands up. Behind him is the wreckage of his purple convertible. Two red, furry arms holding pistols are sticking out from under it. Suddenly, the furry arms and the pistols vanish in a flash of light. In an instant, a small, green elf warps in front of Wario.

Wario looks down at the elven girl with confusion. “Can I… help ya?” asks Wario with a tinge of uncertainty.

“You were the person that defeated Trigger Happy, correct?” asks the elf.

Wario then beams with pride. “Dang right, I did! Heck of a fight, wouldn’t ya say?”

The elf glares up at Wario in anger. “I’m not here to congratulate you. By attacking Trigger Happy, you are now an enemy of the Skylanders. Prepare to taste judgment!”

Wario bursts out laughing. “WAHAHAHAHA!!! So yer friends with that runt? If yer as big of a wuss as he is, I’ll take you all out in a snap!”

As if on cue, several other creatures warp in behind the elf: A shark, a fish with a harpoon gun, two purple dragons, a lava creature… there were too many for Wario to count.

Wario lets out a small fart as the Skylanders rush him.

KO!

Boomstick: Oh yeah… Forgot about the whole “Portal Master” thing… We won’t be covering this, right?

Wiz: I guess Wario technically won against Trigg… so… Let’s just leave it at that, shall we?

Boomstick: OK!

Wiz: The winner is Wario!

Author Comments[]

So, this is my first Death Battle. I tried to do everything in my power to make Trigg win, but Wario's win was unavoidable. That's the main reason why I made the Alternate Ending. I'd appreciate feedback from anybody, if they feel I could have done more. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for Fawful vs Sans!

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