| Wario VS Shadow | |
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| Season 3, Episode 6 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | January 13, 2018 |
| Written by | TheMetallicBlur |
| Directed by | TheMetallicBlur |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Ryu Hayabusa VS Joe Musashi | Vergil vs Raiden |
Description[]
Super Mario VS Sonic the Hedgehog. Two of Mario and Sonic's negative counterparts who went good and ride motorcycles. Will Wario be the most powerful by fart? Will Shadow take him down with his Black Arms? Stay tuned!
Interlude[]
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
Technus: If there's one thing any hero has, its an evil twin.
Vulkanus: For Tennyson, it's Albedo.
Technus: For the ghost child, it's Dan Phantom.
Vulkanus: But what happens when the bad twin goes good?
Technus: Then you get these two.
Vulkanus: Wario, the treasure hunter with a penchant for Garlic.
Technus: And Shadow, the artificial hedgehog with a penchant for Chaos Emeralds.
Vulkanus: He's Technus and I'm Vulkanus.
Technus: And its our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a death battle.
Wario[]
(*Cues: The Moon - Super Mario Land 2*)
Technus: Wario is one the seven star Children, destined for greatness.
Vulkanus: But Bowser's also a Star Child, yet I don't see any of his greatness since he loses all the time.
Technus: Growing up, Wario loved money and riches, but there was one problem. Mario was always just more popular than he was and had much more. Naturally jealous, Wario would grow up to do Mario harm.
Vulkanus: Why does that sound so familiar to me?
Ultimate Kevin: I've had it with you, Tennyson! Beating me since we were kids. Everything always going your way.
Technus: Wario decided to get his revenge by hypnotizing everyone into giving him their riches and then scattered the Golden Coins and the keys to Mario's castle across Mario Land.
Vulkanus: How on Earth does Mario have his own land, or citizens, or even a castle for that matter?
Technus: One of the Seven Star Children, Vulkanus. One of the Seven Star Children.
(*Cues: Laserbot Battle - Wario World*)
Vulkanus: As one of the seven Star children, Wario is exceptionally durable, fairly fast, and unbelievably strong. He possesses a stomach that can eat anything and has a ton of Bob-Ombs at his disposal.
Technus: Wario specializes in throwing his opponent. A prime example of this is his Wild Swing-Ding where he spins his opponent 23 times before throwing them.
Vulkanus; One of his other moves is the Dash Attack where he shoulder-charges his opponent. He can also use the Ground Pound attack and Earthshake punch to make his opponents stumble.
Technus: And like any evil twin, he can use his rival's moves. Like the Jump, where he jumps on his opponent.
Vulkanus: And when that's not enough, he can always slam his opponents down using the Piledriver.
Technus: He can also Grab his opponents to throw them and even use the Wario Waft, a fart that can range from a tiny poot to a massive explosion when charged up. Its only flaw is that it gets weaker the more its used. But when Wario hasn't used the move for a long time, it can be a massive explosion.
Vulkanus: Wario also has his very own motorcycle called the Wario Bike, capable of reaching speeds up to 217 miles per hour.
(*Cues: Wario's Theme - Mario Strikers charged*)
Technus: Wario can use his bike to run over his opponents and even bury them as well. He can also heal himself by eating his own Bike.
Vulkanus: But what makes him a true threat in battle is Garlic. With Garlic, not only can he heal himself, but by eating any kind of Garlic, even nasty Garlic, Wario becomes Wario-Man.
Technus: In this form, Wario becomes faster, stronger, and doesn't flinch from attacks, and he can even fly. On top of that, he specializes normally in spamming attacks like they all do, right?
Vulkanus: But even without Garlic. Wario's fast enough to keep up with the Shake King, strong enough to lift and throw Dino-Mighty, who weighs 139 tons, and has even defeated Rudy the Clown and Black Jewel.
Technus: And he's so smart that he managed to create a transdimensional portal in mere seconds.
Vulkanus: But he does have weaknesses. Wario can tend to often act hotheaded and he's got an extreme greed problem, like Disney's Scrooge McDuck.
Technus: His Wario Bike has terrible drifting and in his Wario-Man form, while he doesn't flinch from attacks, he still takes damage. Also, his Wario Bike can move too fast for his own good.
Vulkanus: But hey, with nuclear fart, burying Bike, and Garlic, Wario might just be one of Mario's most vicious and enduring rivals.
Wario: You know, there's no I in team, but there's an M and an E, and that spells me, Wario! Bwahahahahaha!
Shadow[]
(*Cues: Shadow's All-Star Theme - Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed*)
Technus: Fifty years ago, a man by the name of Gerald Robotnik wanted to create a being who could cure dieases, specicfally speaking Neuro-Immune Deficiency Syndrome.
Vulkanus: Basically, the Sonic version of AIDS. One victim of NIDS happened to be Gerald's own granddaughter and Eggman's cousin, Maria Robotnik.
Technus: His first attempt resulted in the Biolizard, an unruly creature growing at an alarming rate, leading to his abandonment.
Vulkanus: Gerald seeked help from Black Doom, leader of the Black Arms, a hivemind alien race with the intention of harvesting the humans as a food source. Together, they would start Project Shadow.
Technus: So with Gerald's research and Black Doom's DNA, Shadow the Hedgehog was created.
(*Cues: This Machine - Sonic Heroes*)
Vulkanus: Shadow was created to not only cure NIDS, but also to combat the Black Arms as Gerald feared they might try to take over the Earth. But he wouldn't discover this until fifty years later.
Technus: Shadow and Maria bonded on the ARK, but unfortunately, G.U.N arrived on the scene. They weren't really fond of Project Shadow. They stormed the ARK and even shot Maria in front of Shadow while he was in a stasis pod.
Vulkanus: Before Maria died, she sent Shadow down to Earth and he would not be discovered for another 50 years.
Technus: This guy sounds an awful lot like Zero from Mega Man X. Anyways, he was found by Dr. Eggman on Prison Island. Shadow decided to help the doctor since he was awoken from 50 years.
Vulkanus: See, Shadow kind of lost his memory due to his 50 year nap and helped Eggman and Rouge collect the Chaos Emeralds.
Technus: After collecting six Chaos Emeralds, Eggman used them to power the Eclipse Cannon to destroy half the moon. After that, the Ark then hurtled into the Earth.
Vulkanus: After hearing Amy's plead for help, Shadow remembered some of Maria's words. She wanted him to bring happiness to the people of Earth.
(*Cues: All Hail Shadow - Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)*)
Technus: And in order to do so, Shadow posseses great durability, impressive strength, and unbelievable speeds due to being a hedgehog. He can home onto opponents with the Homing Attack as well as follow that up with the Chaos Attacks, rev up his speed with the Spin Dash, and even create a Tornado with three Spin Kicks.
Vulkanus: Shadow also possesses the ability to warp time and space using Chaos Control. He can warp space by teleporting himself and other objects even though he can teleport naturally. And he can manipulate time by stopping it.
Technus: He's also got many moves that stem from his Chaos Control, including Chaos Spear, a move where he fires bolts of chaos energy shaped like arrows that can harm, paralyze, or even pierce through armor.
Vulkanus: He can fire them from the air, launch them from his palms, or even just grab onto them and throw em' like actual spears.
Technus: He can heal with Shadow Heal, summon distorted space on the ground with Roaming Chaos, and even bash through anything while covered in chaos energy and increase speed with the Sonic Boost.
Vulkanus: But his strongest move is Chaos Blast, a move where Shadow can unleash an explosion of chaos energy that's about 60 feet wide. Shadow can also concentrate it into a beam for better accuracy.
(*Cues: I Am All of Me - Shadow the Hedgehog*)
Technus: Aside from the Shadow has two special elements to help him out. The Dark Rider, which is a G.U.N motorcycle that is super fast and is packing machine guns with bullets that can destroy boxes.
Vulkanus: Why is he teaming up with G.U.N? Didn't they kill Maria and didn't the Commander try to kill him?
Technus: They made ammends. Anyways, the second element Shadow can use is the Chaos Emeralds to turn into Super Shadow. This 1000 percent increase makes him faster, stronger, and practically invulnerable.
Vulkanus: If that wasn't enough, Shadow's Chaos Powers get a huge boost. His Sonic Boost is boosted 1000fold to the Super Sonic Boost. the Chaos Spears get strengthened up to the Spear of Light, which come in nine and home onto their opponents. And to top it off, his Chaos Control and Chaos Blast are even more powerful than before.
Technus: But even without the Chaos Emeralds or the Dark Rider, Shadow is fast enough to outspeed Chaos Control, strong enough to flip up a semiautomatic truck with one hand, and tough enough to survive a fall from the moon and back.
Vulkanus: And with just one Chaos Emerald, Shadow's Chaos Control is so refined that he can literally travel between dimensions with it as seen in Sonic Rivals 2 where Shadow uses Chaos Control to teleport him and Metal Sonic out of the Ifrit's dimension.
Technus: Shadow has also beaten his prototype, the Biolizard and even Mephiles the Dark, a demonic shadow creature who absorbed Shadow's shadow. On top of that, he even managed to beat Sonic the Hedgehog, even when he had help from the Diablon. And as Super Shadow, with the help from Super Sonic and Super Silver, Super Shadow managed to defeat 1/3 of Solaris' power.
Vulkanus: But as awesome as he sounds, he's not the perfect lifeform. He's extremely arrogant to a fault and his Hover Shoes have bad traction, although this may just be for offense. And the Super form can only last for so long.
Technus: Actually, that's just a game mechanic. But no game mechanic or weakness could ever blur out his greatest and proudest accomplishment yet. He defeated Black Doom in battle and used the Eclipse Cannon to destroy the Black Comet and end the Black Arms race once and for all. Clearly, Shadow the Hedgehog has lived up to Maria's promise.
Shadow: I'm Shadow the Hedgehog, and I made a promise I intent to keep. With the power of these Emeralds, Black Doom and his army are finished. This is WHO I AM!
Pre-Death Battle[]
Technus: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Vulkanus: It's time for a DEATH BATTTTTTTTTTTTLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Death Battle[]
(*Cues: White Acropolis (Snowy Peak) - Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)*)
Shadow was in hot pursuit of someone in Station Square.
Commander: Shadow. Do you read me? The person responsible for the gem robberies has been located somewhere north of town.
Shadow: Understood. Initiating the mission now.
Shadow teleported to the northern part of town and found Wario stealing jewels and gems from the museum.
Wario: With my new value converter, I'll be rich!
Shadow: Hey, you! Drop those gems and jewels and come with me immediately!
Wario: Who are you and why do you want me to come with you?
Shadow: I don't need to explain myself to you. Now drop the valuables and come with me!
Wario: Thinking I'll just surrender is pretty dumb. But thinking I'll just drop my valuables is just plain stupid.
Shadow: A defiant one, eh? No matter. Guess I'll just have to knock you out!
Fight!
(*Cues: VS The Shake King - Wario Land: Shake It!*)
Shadow jumped and hit Wario with the Homing Attack and then followed up with five Chaos Attacks and knocked Wario back. Shadow then started revving up his Spin Dash and then let loose. Wario used the Earthshake Punch and knocked Shadow up and then grabbed his legs and proceeded to use the Wild-Swing Ding. Wario started spinning, but Shadow teleported out of there and fired Chaos Spears from the air.
Wario intercepted with a Bob-omb and created a huge explosion that blew Shadow into a building and out. Shadow then noticed his Dark Rider and got on. Wario proceeded to grab his gems, but heard the noise of a motorcycle coming. Wario turned around and saw Shadow on his Dark Rider. Wario summoned his Wario Bike and started to drive away.
(*Cues: Battle Highway - Sonic Battle*)
Wario was getting away, so Shadow teleported in front of him. Now Wario was the one giving chase. Shadow noticed a turn and went that way. Wario tried, but the handling wasn't good enough and Shadow teleported behind Wario and shot the back tire, causing Wario to crash into a wall.
Shadow: That went better than I hoped.
Shadow then started firing bullets at Wario, but they kept bouncing off his body. Enraged, Shadow kept driving towards Wario and then crashed the Dark Rider into Wario, causing an explosion. Wario ate Garlic and healed up and proceeded to grab Shadow, but Shadow jumped up and then jumped off the building to hit Wario, but Wario caught him and attempted to piledrive him, but Shadow teleported out of there.
Wario charged at Shadow with the Dash Attack, but Shadow used the Sonic Boost to get away. Wario gave chase and tackled Shadow, but Shadow felt nothing. Shadow tackled Wario and caused him to stumble. Wario charged up his fart and unleashed the Wario Waft, blowing Shadow back into a wall and Shadow landed on his feet.
Shadow: Ugh! After this, I'm gonna shower.
(*Cues: Boss Battle - Wario Land - Super Mario Land 3*)
Shadow decided to retaliate and ran close to Wario and used Chaos Blast.
Shadow: Chaos Blast!
Wario ran towards Shadow using the Dash Attack, but Shadow teleported. Wario ran to use it again, but Shadow intercepted by placing a Roaming Chaos on the spot Wario was about to step on, causing Wario to be flung into the air. Shadow then froze time with Chaos Control.
Shadow: Chaos Control!
Shadow then used the Homing Attack and then followed up with some Chaos Attacks. Shadow then summoned two Chaos Spears to his hands and grabbed onto them. Shadow then started slashing at Wario with the Chaos Spears at speeds exceeding eyesight. Shadow then threw them both at Wario and unfroze time, causing Wario to feel the pain and be launched into the street.
Shadow: You know, you should be wary of space-time manipulators.
Wario: That's nothing new.
Shadow teleported to the roof of a building and started running down while using the Sonic Boost. Shadow then hopped down and tackled Wario so hard he was pushed across the street before going inside an abandoned building. The force that Shadow hit with was so hard, it caused the building to start collapsing.
Shadow: See you never.
Shadow started hopping off the debris that came from the collapsing building and watched as the building fell down on Wario.
Shadow: You could've made it easier for yourself and just surrender.
Shadow started to walk away, but then heard rumbling sounds from behind him and saw that wario survived and emerged as Wario-Man.
Wario-Man: It's not over yet! This is my ultimate form!
Shadow: Two can play that game.
(*Cues: Live and Learn - Sonic Adventure 2*)
Shdaow summoned the Chaos Emeralds out of him and started absorbing their power and became Super Shadow.
Super Shadow: Behold the ultimate power!
Super Shadow and Wario-Man took to the skies. Super Shadow punched Wario-Man, but Wario-Man didn't even flinch.
Super Shadow: Wha? *growls*
Enraged, Super Shadow punched Wario harder, but nothing happened. Wario-Man launched the Wario Waft, blowing back Super Shadow.
Super Shadow: Two can play that game. Chaos Blast!
Super Shadow launched Chaos Blast in the form of a beam that hit Wario-Man, but he wasn't blown back. Super Shadow started Super Sonic Boosting at sub-relativistic speeds, but Wario-Man wasn't effected one bit. Super Shadow then flew towards Wario and started hitting him real hard with punches and kicks, but Wario-Man was still unaffected.
Super Shadow launched the Spear of Light, but Wario-Man was still unaffected. Wario-Man laughed and flew towards Super Shadow and started punching him and knocked him back, but Super Shadow brushed it off.
Super Shadow: Like you, I'm invincible.
Wario-Man summoned his Wario Bike and charged towards Super Shadow, but he countered with Chaos Control.
Super Shadow: Chaos Control!
Super Shadow teleported him and Wario-Man down back to the streets. Super Shadow charged up a Chaos Spear and fired it at Wario-Man, laying waste to multiple city blocks, but Wario-Man was just peachy.
Wario-Man: You're good. Too good.
Wario reverted back to his base form and collapsed due to all that damage from Super Shadow. Super Shadow detransformed himself and picked up all the Emeralds. He saw Wario down on the floor, turned around, and walked away.
Shadow: You weren't a match for me. You never were.
Shadow snapped and summoned distorted space inside Wario's head, blowing it to pieces.
K.O!
Results[]
(*Cues: Throw It All Away - Sonic Adventure 2*)
Vulkanus: That line was colder than Sub-Zero's Ice Blasts could ever hope to be.
Technus: Wario may have held the strength and durability advantage, but it wasn't helpful against someone like Shadow.
Vulkanus: Wario at best can lift a 139 ton dinosaur with ease, but Shadow can go 3 to 6 rounds with people who can lift 500 tons.
Technus: And while Wario can survive the destruction of the moon, the moon in the Mario universe is the same size as an island.
Vulkanus: As for Shadow's advantages, speed was a no-brainer. Wario can keep up with sub-relativistic speeds, but Shadow can exceed lightspeed.
Technus: Such as how he can outspeed Chaos Control.
Vulkanus: Both fighters have battled and defeated giant lizards before.
Technus: The big difference being that Shadow took on his lizard with expertise and timing while Wario just threw her away.
Vulkanus: Nice one!
Technus: Oh thanks. Anyways, this gave Shadow the intelligence advantage.
Vulkanus: But Technus, Wario built a transdimensional machine in seconds!
Technus: That may make Wario mecahnically smarter, bu that doesn't equate to his combat intelligence. And when it came to moves, Shadow's just edged out Wario's.
Vukanus: Neat puns! Shadow's Chaos Blast was much better than the Wario Waft as he could spam it and it would keep the same power while the Wario Waft would only get weaker.
Technus: Plus, the Chaos Blast could be concentrated into a beam, giving far better accuracy.
Vulkanus: Their motorcycles were equally skilled, but what gave Shadow an edge was that his motorcycle was weaponized while Wario's wasn't.
Technus: And with the Dash Attack and the Sonic Boost, the Sonic Boost covers and protects Shadow while the Dash Attack doesn't really protect Wario, making the Boost a much better move.
(*Cues Never Turn Back - Shadow the Hedgehog*)
Vulkanus: Shadow also had a lot more versatility, able to freeze time, teleport, and even paralyze.
Technus: But once it came down to Super forms, Wario was doomed. While Wario-Man doesn't flinch from attacks, he still takes damage. But Super Shadow is practically invincible.
Vulkanus: The invulnerability of a Super form can be bypassed, but Wario-Man didn't have the power to bypass it. And seeing Wario-Man not flinch from attacks only made Super Shadow try even harder.
Technus: Despite his best efforts, Wario was no match for Shadow's superior speed, intelligence, abilities, versatility, and super form.
Vulkanus: Wario got Shad-owned.
Technus: The winner is Shadow the Hedgehog.
Advantages and Disadvantages[]
Shadow - Winner
- +Faster
- +Smarter
- +More versatility
- +Teleportation rendered grabbing and throwing moves useless.
- +Better ranged attacks.
- -Weaker
- -Less Durable
- -Could not counter the Wario Waft's smell.
Wario - Loser
- +Stronger
- +More Durable
- +Garlic was more efficient than Shadow Heal.
- +Has Battled Space-Time Manipulators.
- -Slower
- -Dumber
- -Main moves consist of grabbing and throwing opponents which was rendered useless by teleportation.
- -Most moves countered by Shadow's moves.
- -Less versatility
- -Bob-ombs only ranged attack option and easily countered.
Trivia[]
- This is TheMetallicBlur's first fight to compare advantages and disadvantages of the combatants.
| Wario VS Shadow | |
|---|---|
| Season | ? |
| Overall Episode | ? |
| Season Episode | ? |
| Air date | hopefully within eight years or less lol |
| Written by | Wither |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous ? |
Next ? |
Wario VS Shadow is an upcoming What-If Death Battle in Wither's Death Battle line-up.
Description[]
Wario VS Sonic the Hedgehog! Prepare yourselves for yet another installment in the famous infinitolology! This time around, it's time for the "dark", "evil", motorcycle-riding counterparts of the main heroes to fight! These anti-heroes may seen selfish and cruel, but deep inside they truly have a good heart. Will Wario's wafts blow Shadow off his feet? Or will Shadow be too edgy for Wario to handle?
The Basics[]
- Connections: Both are the darker anti-hero counterparts to the main heroes of two competing platform series (Mario & Sonic) who ride motorcycles; both were introduced as villains, before redeeming themselves into an anti-hero and receiving at least 1 platforming game starring them in the lead role.
- Sources: All possible and reasonable game feats, items and abilities will be used for Wario and Shadow. The Archie Comics and Super-Mario-Kun will not be used.
- Host Bios:
- Greg: Sporting short hair dyed gray, Greg is the Boomstick of the host panel. He's an idiot and a weirdo 1st class, who loves hot girls and lacks the ability to resist trying to flirt with them right off the bat. 16 years old, Greg "wastes" most of his time having epic gamer moments. In other words, he is a role model for all of us, no? [Greg's text is in bold.]
- Zoë: A girl with long, light brown hair who loves screwing around. Always frisky and playful, Zoë does her best keeping the atmosphere happy and bright, and she cannot resist trolling her follow hosts. Her eyes too, are a pure black. At 14 years old, Zoë is the youngest host, but her knowledge of anime, manga and derivations thereof always impresses her friends. [Zoé's text has no special styling]
- Zack: At 17 years, Zack is the oldest of the hosts, and additionally the most serious, too. He just wants to get the episode done and over with. Due to this, as well as his nerdy calculation skills and daily dose of obscure and random facts, Zack is consistently the target of his friends' memeing and jokes. Zack loves reading comics and graphic novels, possessing a huge stockpile of them in his Comic Vault. Zack wears glasses and dyed his hair pure white, because why not? [Zack's text is in italic.]
- Melissa: A 15-year old girl with long hair dyed a crimson red and mascara, who always suffers from her horrible temper and unpolite attitude. Swearing and curses are part of her everyday vocabulary, and she commonly trolls her friends when they annoy her, even if not directly. Melissa specializes in movies and TV series (excl. anime), and has extensive knowledge of weapons and magic, which she has herself studied. Despite pestering him all the time, Melissa secretly has a crush on Zack and admires him for his knowledge. Not that she would ever admit this however. She's way too proud for that. [Melissa's text is in bold AND italic.]
Interlude[]
Zoë: The world of gaming in the 1990's was dominated by two key platforming heroes: Nintendo's Super Mario and SEGA's Sonic the Hedgehog. They both had their own archnemesis in Bowser and Baldy McNosehair, but eventually, both Nintendo and SEGA concluded that their hero needed someone extra. A darker rival, to be precise.
Zack: For Mario, this became none other than Wario, the treasure hunter, gamedev and businessman from Diamond City.
Greg: And for Sonic, this is obviously Shadow the Hedgehog, the gunslinging, cursing black and red hedgehog who's still searching that damn fourth Chaos Emerald.
Melissa: These two edgelords will be facing off in an epic duel of the evil counterparts. As the hosts, it's our job to analyze the numbers, feats, weapons and all that shit, I'm sure you get it by now. Name's Melissa, and I brought three pals with me: Greg, Zack & Zoë.
Zack: Ladies and fellow gentleman, I think it's time for...
Everyone: "A DEATH BATTLE!"
Wario[]
Zack: The Super Mario franchise is a beloved series of games. Nearly all of them tell the certified hood classic tale of the fat Italian plumber beating up that damn turtle king. But Bowser is far from Mario's only enemy; yet not even the bubble-spitting frog, the jester on drugs, the bean scientist on even more drugs or that random alien guy come even close to being the personal rival to Mario that this combatant is.
Melissa: We're obviously talking about Wario — Mario's seemingly eternal rival. He truly is the inverse of Mario in almost every way: ugly, even fatter, unhygienic, selfish, greedy and impolite. But would you have guessed that this is partially Mario's own doing? The two are actually childhood friends, but Mario treated Wario like a sack of trash. They always played cops and robbers together, but out of all 1256 total times they played this game, Wario was the robber in all but one game, and even when he was finally the cop for once, Mario made fun of him!
Greg: Christ, that really makes you look at Mario in a different way. And goddamn, Mario also flattened him with a Thwomp and tricked him into picking Piranha Plants from a garden? Are we sure MatPat wasn't on ecstasy?
Zoë: Mario himself was not inherently malicious while doing all that — moreso just oblivious and really, really stupid. But it sure didn't matter much for Wario, who viewed him as a bully. He decided to get back on Mario and wrote him a letter after many years to "catch up". Mario trekked to Wario's place, and is somehow unaware that all of the villains he runs into are trying to kill him. When he finally defeats Wario and sees him burst out in tears, Mario apologizes for his past mishaps, which Wario accepts. ... Immediately thereafter, Mario decides to play another round of cops and robbers, christens himself the cop and starts to beat Wario with a toy gun.
Melissa: Mind you, this is the same guy who has an actual doctorate and makes medicine. Go figure.
Zack: Some extra years pass and Wario is still discontented with his old bully, so he comes up with a far grander revenge scheme. While Mario is away in Sarasaland, kicking alien ass and saving Princess Daisy, Wario brainwashes all the citizens of Mario Land and takes over Mario's Castle—
Greg: MARIO HAS A FUCKING CASTLE?! AND HIS OWN COUNTRY?! When the hell did that happen?!
Zack: —forcing Mario to face him once more and take his castle back. He eventually faces Wario in the throne room and defeats him. The plumber's rival runs off, but this is certainly not the last we see of him. Wario would go on to have many adventures of his own, both as a treasure hunter and a successfull gamedev. ... Well, that's one version of his backstory anyway. You could also use the one where he's accidentally created by Dr. Light from Mega Man while he tries to cure Mario from a disease that makes him look pixelated.
Melissa: There's no way in hell that actually happened.
Zack: Club Nintendo begs to differ.
Melissa: ...
Zoë: Uhh ....
Greg: ... Zack. Do me a favour and NEVER talk to me about this again.
Zack: I thought you guys loved trivia?
Melissa: ... Well yes, but uh, you see, this is far too cursed for our tastes.
Zack: Alright, I get it. Let's continue with the analysis.
(Occupations held by Wario only in Club Nintendo are postfixed by (c.) for clarity and to avoid confusion)
— Name: Wario
— Age: 24 / 25 (Same age as Mario)
— Height: 170.1 cm (5' 7")
— Weight: 139.7 kg (308 lbs)
— Job: Treasure Hunter, Video Game Developer, Businessman, Farmer, Doctor, Theme Park Manager, Stadium / Factory Owner, Host of the Wario Bowl, Bomb Store Owner (c.), Landlord (c.), Tourist Guide (c.), etc
— Makes appearances in Rhythm Heaven and Densetsu no Starfy 3 (As well as the Starfy manga)
— In the comics of Club Nintendo (A German Mario magazine licensed by Nintendo), Wario was canonically created by Dr. Light from Mega Man. Like, seriously.
— Apparently owns a bomb store where he employs Bomberman
➤ Funnily enough, this same story contradicts / retcons Wario's creation by Dr. Light.
Greg: Wario is certainly an interesting fighter, to say the least. His pure strength is far above that of a normal human. He can effortlessly lift a heavy weight with one hand while talking to his mom on the phone, stun enemies by WALKING into them, create earthquakes by punching the floor, piledrive huge fucking dinosaurs, lift and yeet King Bob-omb high into the air and even shake a whole fucking castle by ground pounding! I sure do wish I had an ass like that.
[Popup] King Bob-omb's weight has been calculated as being at least 15 tonnes.
Zoë: Speed is a surprising strong suit for Wario as well, unlike what you'd expect from a guy like him. His Shoulder Bash technique, which we'll elaborate on later, can break the sound barrier. He can match the Shake King, who can catch up to Wario literally anywhere on the world within three minutes if the escape timer runs out; this was calculated at 276,378 kilometers per hour, or 76,771.66667 meters per second. In the imperial system, this equates to 171,733.327376 miles per hour and 251,875.546818 feet per second. Or, put simply: Mach 225.6147!
Melissa: Or how about Wario's ability to keep up with and match Ashley and Red, who, in WarioWare: Smooth Moves, flew to the moon in four seconds? This turned out to be 90,776 kilometers per SECOND, which equates 326,793,599.99997 kilometers per hour! In imperial units, this equates to 56,405.5913 miles per second and 203,060,128.85 miles per hour! That's EASILY Mach 264190.919674, or relativistic speed. 0.3c, to be specific.
Zack: And we haven't even gotten to his sheer endurance yet!
Greg: ... Ohhhh boy ...
Zack: Wario can take a WHOLE lot of punishment. Remember that time when the whole tennis stadium blew up in Mario Power Tennis? Our colleagues Wiz and Boomstick already ran their mathematical brains on that one, and they concluded that the blast must've been AT LEAST 2.4 megatonnes. And Wario was right in the epicenter of the blast! He can take atmospheric re-entry and midair spaceship crashes, walk out of a plane crash unharmed, and survive the Shake King's cloud-dispersing explosion, which was calculated at 18.437 kilotonnes of TNT.
[Popup] The Shake King's explosion was initially calculated as 41 zettatonnes, but the calc in question was later rejected due to a myriad of different issues and errors, such as the thickness and diameter of the hole being overestimated and the cloud thickness being inflated. The calcer also assumed that the distance between the beam and the POV is just over 9000 km (5592.3407301 miles), which as a result would indicate that the horizon is over 10000 km (6213.7119224 miles). This, among even more holes in the calc, led to a full redux, which led to a significantly "lesser" (albeit still not bad) result.
Zoë: In fact, Wario is SO tough that many different sources of injury barely lay a scratch on him, but instead power him up somehow! If he gets flattened by a mallet, he becomes Spring Wario, who bounces all over the place for a while until turning back. Or if he gets flattened by a D-Bat's weight, he becomes flat, can fit in tiny holes and glides through the air, although he can't attack in this state.
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