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Wade Watts (Ready Player One) vs Charlie Anderson (Escapist Dream)
Wade vs Charlie.png
Season 1, Episode 1
Vital statistics
Air date September 24, 2020
Written by ManishMan1213
Directed by
Episode guide
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Wade Watts vs Charlie Anderson is a What If? episode of Death Battle starring Wade Watts from Ready Player One and Charlie Anderson from Escapist Dream.

Description

Battle between two literary protagonists famous for nerdy pop culture. Both are nerds who use superpowers inside a digital simulation. One fought to obtain control of his digital world, while the other fought to save it. It’s time to end the debate on which is better: Ready Player One or Escapist Dream.

Interlude

Wiz: As comics, anime and video games rise in popularity in recent years, so did fiction about heroic geeks battling it out to save the world.

Boomstick: Hail to the nerds, baby! Our two fighters today will show you that maybe geeks aren’t the loser betas we’ve known them to be.

Wiz: Like Wade Watts, the alter-ego of Parzival, the champion of the OASIS.

Boomstick: Versus Charles “Charlie” Anderson, the sweet superhero savior of Escapist Dream. He’s Wiz and I’m boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Wade Watts

Wade as he appeared in the book.

Wiz: The year was 2045 and in this near future, energy crisis, overpopulation, and global warming have caused widespread economic collapse and poverty.

Boomstick: Like most fictional futuristic worlds, this future fucking blows. Capitalistic megacorporations rule the world and governments are pretty much in sleep mode. It sucked so much that one person named James Halliday, who may or may not have autism, created a different world where he and others can escape the real cruel world.

Wiz: Enter the OASIS, a simulated digital universe that is part video game and part social network. In this world, people can create avatars of themselves and use it to basically have fun. But the OASIS is something more than just a glorified MMORPG. In this place, people can actually make money selling and trading with each other. Something that they could never do in the real world.

Boomstick: So not only is it an MMORPG and Facebook, it’s also Ebay. Got it! However something would happen that would change the OASIS forever.

(cut to James Halliday’s famous “farewell” video about the Easter Egg)

Wiz: Before OASIS creator James Halliday died, he created this elaborate Willy Wonka-style easter egg hunt competition. Whoever wins this competition, would be given control over the OASIS.

Boomstick: And that’s where the “Hunt” was born. Netizens, calling themselves “Gunters” or egg-hunters, challenge and fight each other in order to find this easter egg. What’s funny is that the clues of this Hunt is based around Halliday’s love of 1980s pop culture. These kids are literally fighting each other based on one old man’s nostalgia. Like seriously...

Wiz: Tell me about it. The 1980s weren’t even that great. Technology was fragile as hell, Ronald Reagan was the President, and then there’s this weird abomination of a children’s show they called Alf. But anyways, yeah, these people are killing each other based upon someone’s obsession. Go figure. And one one of those Gunters, the greatest of them all, was Wade Watts.

(cue Wade Watt’s first entrance into the OASIS)

Boomstick: Wade Watts is your typical loser young adult who… you guessed it… lost his parents, lives with his abusive aunt, and generally lives a life that sucks. His only happiness in life is being inside the OASIS. Donning a blue hip avatar and taking the username Parzival (the same knight who went to find the holy grail in Arthurian legend), Wade too joined the Hunt.

Wiz: What gave him the edge over his competitors is his similar encyclopedic interest in everything 1980s. This allowed him to basically barrel through most of the clues and challenges, ranging from the unique to just utterly bizarre. Like the times he fought a lich in an arcade game called Joust, recreated lines from an old film called WarGames, played a guitar, and even had to recite… Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

Boomstick: It’s kinda obvious that Halliday’s a bit special hence why his challenges are a bit special too. But that’s not one of the dumbest things in this game. Like seriously, it took the Gunters five years. FIVE YEARS! To discover an invisible wall and find a clue by driving backwards in a racing game?! In our world people could find all the glitches and shortcuts in Dark Souls in just months after its release.

Wiz: I know, pretty dumb. But you gotta understand that the Gunters’ job is made more difficult with them fighting each other. Wade Watts would learn it the hard way when he crosses paths with an evil corporation known as the Innovative Online Industries or IOI. This corporation has a whole army of near-invincible Gunters known as the Sixers (because their usernames pretty much contain the number 6 in them). After hearing of Wade’s recent achievements, they feared that he might find the egg before them. And so they harass and hunt down the young gamer, even going so far as blowing up his aunt’s house.

Boomstick: Damn! Those guys are evil! One thing to note about IOI is that they want to find the egg to make OASIS subscription-based and add bullshit like ads and microtransactions, in order to leech off more money from its users. You know, they kinda remind me of a similar company in our own world…

Wiz: You mean EA?

Boomstick: Oh they’re definitely EA. And in order for Wade and his avatar Parzival to fight them, he would need some of his trusty video game weapons. He’s got all sorts of items that it would take time to list them all. But his main weapons include a laser blaster, a +1 flaming sword, and a ring of teleportation that allows him to teleport anywhere once a month. He’s got the holy hand grenade and a Chekhov’s Gun, which when used, can destroy anything in their path. For protection, he has an armor that can shrug off bullets and rayguns in any direction.

Wiz: All of these items are kept inside a “bag of holding”, which is basically a bottomless bag similar to the magic satchel of that dead-comic-character-who-should-not-be-named! He used them to defeat enemies such as Kobolds, Sixers, and a Red Dragon. But his most prized possession is his Delorean, which he outfitted with a Max Headroom AI and Ghostbusters memorabilia. It can’t travel through time, but it can phase through solid objects. He’s got a mech too in the form of the Leopardon, a giant 60-meter tall super-fighting robot.

Boomstick: But why does Wade need a mech for when he can transform into frigging Ultraman! By using a magic capsule, Wade can transform himself into the Ultraman, complete with the costume, flight, and the legendary Ultra Slice and Specium Ray. Although he can only transform into Ultraman for three minutes a day, it was enough to defeat frigging Mechagodzilla!

Wiz: But all of these pale in comparison to Wade’s ultimate weapon. After being cornered by the better resourced IOI, Wade was pretty much screwed. That is until his other Gunter friends rallied him up to finish the final clue. After doing so, and meeting a hologram of James Halliday (who himself thought that Wade went too far with his obsession), he was given the ultimate prize: Halliday’s Egg. This item gave Wade overpowered powers, like killing Sixers by just highlighting and selecting them to die into oblivion, resurrect people, and gain unlimited powers and hit points which basically made him invincible.

Boomstick: Holy shit is that badass or what?!

Wiz: Not only that. In case Wade is ever killed, he can always resurrect himself using an extra life.

Boomstick: Wish I had an extra life… But while Wade can do all of this, he is not perfect. He is cocky, misogynistic, and kinda full of himself. He’s also pretty much a stalker to his ex. And let’s not even get into his disturbing masturbation problems.

Wiz: Even so, Wade powered through all of his challenges in life, with research, detective skills, and a little bit of deception (especially when it came to those jerkass IOI). He eventually confronted the megacorporation by urging the rest of the Gunters to band together and fight a world-wide digital revolution. He and the Gunters would eventually succeed and he even won the girl in the end!

Boomstick: Thumbs up to the ultimate nerd!

“You'd be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever.” - Wade Watts

Charlie Anderson

Charlie as he appeared in the book.

Wiz: Imagine living your whole life as a geek, reading the latest comic book, playing the newly released video games, and binge-watching whatever new stuff is on Netflix (except for that Cuties film… please stay away from that). Have you ever wondered if you could live the life of your favorite fictional character? To transcend from your boring meek life to a life filled with superpowers, achievements, and adventures?

Boomstick: Well you’re in luck, cause there is a place made exactly for you! For only the price of a brand new gaming PC, you can buy a machine that will take you to this virtual reality world filled with superheroes, anime characters, and all kinds of movie and video game badasses. Enter the world of the Escapist Dream!

(cue to Charlie Anderson being transported for the first time to the Escapist Dream)

Wiz: One blonde geek from Buffalo, Wyoming would take the opportunity. Charlie Anderson may look like your typical 17-year-old comic geek but this kid’s been through a lot. During his sophomore year in high school, he literally watched his best and only friend Carl... commit suicide... right in front of his computer.

Boomstick: HOLY SHIT!

Wiz: This tragedy, and coupled with the fact that he’s got no friends, prompted Charlie to buy a virtual reality machine so he could visit the Escapist Dream, and experience what it feels like to be a real superhero. Donning a crazy cosplay combination of a Jedi robe and a blue Superman t-shirt, his adventures in the Escapist Dream had begun.

Boomstick: Like the time Wiz first met me during the annual “shoot the nerd” competition in Texas, Charlie would meet new friends inside this virtual reality world. He met Launa, the loving, caring but serious antihero, and Jim the programmer, a nasty bitter jerk with an occasional heart of gold. His friendship with the two would soon entangle Charlie into a dark quest that would take him traveling across the Escapist Dream.

Wiz: You see, the Escapist Dream may be this awesome fantasy digital world, but for the past few months, it's been plagued by computer bugs that've been turning the place crazy. This in turn, has been turning a few of the visitors a little bit insane too. As these viruses continue to fester and infect the virtual reality world, his new friends would draw Charlie in an quest to destroy them. This would lead Charlie to a path of fighting and defeating every nerd, geek, otaku, and gamer who's been drawn to the bugs. And in order to do that, Charlie will need his new comic book powers.

Boomstick: Damn right. Inside the Escapist Dream, every geek is allowed to use whatever superpowers they want. From any comic book, film, anime, video game, novel, you name it! As long as they are not omnipotent or too OPed. With this mechanic, Charlie can become a Jedi, complete with Force powers and lightsabers. He can also use the powers of his favorite superhero, Superman, complete with the heat vision, flight, super strength, speed, and durability. He can summon any forms of equipment he wants as well, from a green lantern power ring to Spider-Man’s web shooters.

Wiz: If you think that’s cool, this kid can also use anime powers to a minor extent. Like the time he defeated the president of the otakus with a sexy-no-jutsu which made him nose-bleed to death.

Boomstick: Woah wait? He literally defeated a weeb using “ecchi”?

Wiz: Exactly

Boomstick: That’s… I don’t even know what to say to that.

Wiz: With great powers also come great feats, and Charlie has a lot of them. He’s fast enough to react and use the Force against bullets even after they have been fired. He’s strong enough to lift a car and toss it like a pillow. His strongest weapon however, is Thor’s legendary Mjolnir. Not only does this comic book item allow Charlie to zap people with lightning and smash their heads away into space, it also gives him tremendous durability, which helps in surviving attacks that can blow up the moon.

Boomstick: Damn this kid’s strong. And he needs to, since the people he went up against are equally powerful too. Like the time he fought a physics-controlling AI supervillain, a super-fast Japanese maid/waifu ninja, and a crazy bookworm with the powers of Harry Potter. His adventures would culminate in a large war against a couple of geeks who took control of the bugs and the Escapist Dream. Charlie himself would also fight (spoilers) Jim when he too went crazy, and that guy can destroy moons. During the final destruction of the Escapist Dream, Charlie manages to briefly resist being deleted as well.

(cue to the final battle for the Escapist Dream)

Wiz: One excellent trait about Charlie is his intellect. Although he considers himself an idiot, the kid knows how to strategize and find ways to defeat his enemies, such as the time he deduced how to kill an army of superpowered jocks.  With Mjolnir he was also strong enough to destroy the bugs which was considered to be indestructible, giving him one hell of a hax ability.

Boomstick: That being said, he’s not invincible. The Escapist Dream only gives its visitors 100 health points, and continuous damage and sudden set-up attacks can deplete it. And like the characters Charlie inspires from, he can be a bit naïve and compassionate. He sometimes risks his life to save anyone, even those who had betrayed him. Jesus. He’s just a young kid and he’s turned into the stereotypical “nice guy” huh?

Wiz: Yeah pretty much.

Boomstick: Well even so, Charlie’s got it all. He survived getting shot multiple times, getting stabbed, getting fists drilled unto him, and getting slammed into the moon. Even as a kid, he’s one tough sonuvabitch. And he needs to in order to survive the Escapist Dream.

Wiz: It seems nothing can stop this comic book kid.

I’m still a superhero. And superheroes don’t die, we only get rebooted!” - Charlie Anderson

Wiz: All right the combatants are set. We’ve run our data through all the possibilities.

Boomstick: Right now… It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!

Battle

(Come And Get Your Love by Redbone)

In an unknown virtual reality world in God knows where, Wade Watts sits in a chair in his bright blue Parzival avatar. He doesn’t know where he is but he doesn’t care; he might have just found an undiscovered part of the OASIS. So for the meantime, he decided to look around while listening to his walkman to the sound of Come Get Your Love. The place doesn’t look that much, besides a white blank that seems to go for miles.

But then, BOOOOM! A huge deafening explosion rocked the area. Wade looked behind him and saw another kid, dressed in a Jedi robe and a Superman t-shirt, who made a superhero landing. It was the teenage Charlie Anderson, and when he looked up, he too was scratching his head on where he was.

“The hell is this place?” Charlie muttered. “Did I just transport myself to that Construct place from the Matrix?”

“Hello there,” Wade greeted.

“Oh, ha! I get the reference, Obi-Wan,” Charlie replied. “Say bro. I don’t know where I am now so maybe you can help me. I was headin’ towards this Playstation Convention you see and--”

“Playstation? Why do you want to go there? Go buy a Nintendo and play real games, noob.”

“Excuse me? Nintendo? That kiddie console? Ha!”

“You take that back! Nintendo is the best! That thing’s got Super Mario, Legend of Zelda, and Street Fighter! That company is the reason why video games survived the crash of--”

“It was cool back then but now? I’d rather buy me an Xbox One S.”

“Alright that’s it!”

(Goodbye Summer, Hello Winter by FantomenK)

Wade grabbed his laser blaster and started firing at Charlie. But the kid managed to roll out of the way before drawing his lightsaber. As Charlie blocked more of Wade’s attack, the latter yelled, “Star Wars? You are soooooo mainstream!”

“Oh shut up!” Charlie said before using the Force to take away Wade’s blaster. He then used telekinesis to grab Wade’s underwear before giving him the nastiest 3-foot long atomic wedgie.

“Aiiiiieeeeee!” Wade howled in pain as Charlie laughed. But his laughter didn’t last long as Wade used his ring of teleportation to escape. He then appeared behind Charlie’s back and slashed at him with his flaming sword. Charlie was stunned, but managed to block several more attacks from the now pissed-off Parzival. Wade made sure to strike hard and firm to finish this fight quick before the kid can unleash yet another Force attack.

But Charlie was having no problem dealing with Wade’s pathetic attacks. His training from Jim allowed him to easily block Wade’s attack. The blue gamer tried to thrust his sword at Charlie, but the comic geek managed to swipe the flaming sword to the side before giving him a front kick that sent him tumbling away. As Wade got up, he started thinking of a plan to beat this kid quickly. Then the idea came to him.

As Charlie dashed towards him and jammed his lightsaber, he was surprised to see that his lightsaber didn’t stab right through Wade's blue avatar. He instead found out that he actually stabbed the thick armored hide of Ultraman himself. Wade had used his capsule and transformed into the super-fighting Japanese warrior. As Charlie tried to run away, Wade started to stomp at the poor geek.

“Did you know that the original Ultraman only ran for 39 episodes? You on the other hand? Won’t even last 39 seconds!”

(We're Not Gonna Take It by Twisted Sister)

“News flash dweeb!” Charlie said as he flew towards Wade’s face and looked him face to face. “That’s got to be the worst trash talk from a self-proclaimed gamer I’ve ever known!”

Charlie then swung his lightsaber at Wade but the latter managed to block it with his Ultra Slice. Unfortunately for the comic geek, the gamer managed to grab him before throwing him to the ground, creating a huge crater. Wade then tried to stomp at the downed Charlie but the geek managed to quickly fly off in time. As Charlie flew back into the air and faced Wade face-to-face, he then fired his heat vision. Wade saw this, and striking a cool Ultraman pose, fired a beam of his own.

Heat vision and specium ray crashed into each other, and as the two poured all their efforts to make their respective attack win, Ultraman’s powers were just too much. Charlie was then engulfed by the ray and sent screaming into the horizon.

With his enemy gone, Wade decided to strike an anime pose before starting to walk off. Never has he been in such a tough battle for a long time. But then, a lightning bolt struck him at the back. That blast was so powerful that he turned back to his regular Parzival mode because of the pain.

“What the?”

“It ain’t over, loser!”

Wade looked up and saw Charlie in the air, now sporting an Asgardian helmet and the Mjolnir. Charlie was electrified with lighting all around him, and he doesn’t look a bit friendly. “Oh you are so screwed now!” Charlie yelled. The comic geek then raised his hammer and summoned lighting to strike where Parzival was laying. As Wade initially tried to dodge the lightning bolts which seemed to strike everywhere, for some reason he then decided to stay where he was. Charlie was dumbfounded, but Wade just looked at him with a smile, saying, “Yeah okay genius Try to hit me now! Everyone knows lightning won’t strike the same area twice. I’ve watched that during an episode of G.I. Joe. And knowing is only half the battle!”

Upon hearing this, Charlie just laughed. “You are fuckin’ trippin’ bruh.” He then sent a large powerful lightning from his hammer which disintegrated the foolish Wade to ashes. In an instant, Parzival was gone and only Charlie was left standing.

“That’s enough of that!” Charlie said as he decided to fly away. But then, the whole sky turned black and the whiteness of the place was transformed into pitch darkness. Charlie landed himself back to the ground and was blinded and scared by the darkness all around him. He kept his hammer just in case but he could feel it in his spine that this was not yet over. And something was coming which was gonna hurt really bad.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!” Wade appeared godlike and ablaze, like the Wizard of Oz in that old movie. He might have been caught off guard but thankfully he's got that extra life. Knowing this opponent is much more powerful than he looked, Wade decided to unleash his ultimate weapon: Halliday’s Egg.

“I’m Parzival! Also known as Wade fucking Watts! My father named me because it sounded like a superhero name. But after gaining the power of the OASIS, right now I don’t feel like a superhero. Now you can see me only as a god!”

“Oh yeah? Well go fuck yourself!”

As Charlie looked up, an unlimited number of holy hand grenades started falling down from the sky. Panicking, he tried to escape but explosions started to rock the area and he was getting pummelled and pummelled by them everywhere. The kid was getting beaten up as explosions rocked his body mercilessly. And as this happened, Wade Watts just watched and laughed. This kid made a big mistake dissing Nintendo. And he made an even bigger mistake messing with him.

“Now time to finish this!” Wade said from the sky as he highlighted Charlie, preparing to blow that kid up into oblivion. Charlie, even as he is getting blown up again and again, sees what Wade is doing. Knowing that he needs to do something fast, Charlie summoned his power ring and created a large green bubble forcefield to protect himself from grenades raining all around him. He then flew in quick speed towards the gamer. Before Wade can press the button to eradicate Charlie, the young kid then smashes Mjolnir on Wade's chest.

As blood poured from Wade's mouth and he tried to catch his breath, he yelled to the kid, “H-how? Who are you?!”

“You fuckin’ idiot,” Charlie said. “You can’t kill me. Can’t you see this symbol right here? I’m a superhero. And superheroes don’t die… WE ONLY GET REBOOTED!”

Charlie then twirled Mjolnir before smashing it right at Wade’s face. Parzival then seized to exist, and Charlie was the only one left standing. Overjoyed, the kid did his wacky celebration dance and performed a victory dab at the end.

KO!

Results

Boomstick: Holy shit… those references are cheesy as fuck… they hurt!

Wiz: Yeah sorry about that. But anyways it seems that Charlie proved to be stronger, faster, and more durable than Wade. While Wade has fought a lot of enemies, none of his feats could get close to Charlie’s. This kid can literally react to bullets, has the strength of Superman, and can survive shit that can destroy the moon or a whole galaxy. Being slightly trained by a former British marine in hand-to-hand combat also helped.

Boomstick: But Wiz, base form Parzival is not on par with Charlie but with Halliday’s Egg, shouldn’t he be able to just one-shot the kid? And isn't he supposed to be unkillable?

Wiz: Oh that instant kill would certainly destroy Charlie. But keep in mind that Charlie's superior speed meant that he can react faster before Wade can target and use his insta-kill. And remember Charlie's hax that allowed him to destroy the indestructible computer bugs? If he can do that then there's no question he can put down an immortal like Wade Watts.

Boomstick: Oh man. So it looked like it was game over from the start for Wade Watts.

Wiz: The winner is Charlie Anderson.

DBFWinnerCharlie.png

Notes

  • The similarities between the two include the fact that they are teens, they are geeks, and had their adventures inside a virtual reality world. The books both came from are known for their extensive use of pop culture references.
  • If it's not obvious, I strictly only used the book versions of the two characters. This is Wade and Charlie by the end of their first books. So sadly, no such things as Zemeckis Cube or twin blasters here.
  • There were a lot of references in the battle. Try to find them all :)
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