| Voldo vs. Vega | |
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| Season 4, Episode 6 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | June 14th, 2015 |
| Written by | ParaGoomba348 |
| Directed by | Anonymous |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Lelouch vi Britannia vs. Light Yagami | Boba Fett vs. Captain Falcon |
Voldo vs. Vega is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle, pitting Voldo from Soul Calibur against Vega from Street Fighter.
Description[]
Soulcalibur vs. Street Fighter! It's a battle of beauty and the beast in this battle of the clawed fighting game villains!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Clawed characters in video games, often with unpredictable movesets.
Boomstick: There's Voldo, who I can't even begin to describe what the hell it looks like-
Wiz: And Vega, the Spanish Ninja.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Voldo[]
Wiz: In the mid-1500's, an Italian man by the name of Voldo became the right-hand man to the weapons expert Vercci, who went by the nickname "the human life merchant".
Boomstick: What the hell is that thing?! This looks like it came right out of the German Dungeon Porn version of 50 Shades of Grey!
Wiz: Uh... I have trouble countering your claim, Boomstick. Anyway, Voldo, somewhere along the line, got really into bondage.
Boomstick: Like, REALLY into it.
Wiz: Voldo was tasked by Vercci to do one thing: Obtain the demon sword Soul Edge.
Boomstick: Which should sound like a bad idea to begin with, but hey, that's just me.
Wiz: However, Voldo and Vercci failed at finding Soul Edge, and soon Vercci learned that all his weapons and valuables were being sought after. Vercci sent all these, as well as Voldo, to a place he owned called The Money Pit.
Boomstick: As cool and fun as that may sound, The Money Pit is brutal. It's located off the shore of Sicily, and anyone who was dumb enough to go in had to deal with Voldo, who would kill them using his... claw-weapons... and... self-taught contortionism... and... bondage...
Wiz: Voldo's main weapons are dual katars, which are middle eastern weapons designed to be like claws. If wielded correctly, katars can smash through a person's sternum and even skull, allowing for a deadly combination of blunt force and piercing.
Boomstick: And don't even get me started on Voldo's weird zombie martial arts. No, seriously!
Wiz: Actually, as you stated earlier, Voldo's martial arts style is a self-taught contortionism, which mixes elements of dance and circus tricks with martial arts. This allows Voldo to be incredibly unpredictable and dangerous despite his lack of any sort of real training.
Boomstick: But then, even though that Vercci guy had already died, Voldo heard his voice telling him to go look for Soul Edge. So what did he do? He goes and grabs Yoshimitsu's katana, which, you guessed it, isn't Soul Edge.
Wiz: What an idiot.
Boomsick: I know, right?
Wiz: Well, after that... tremendous failure, Voldo went back to the Money Pit, only to find it completely flooded. He continued to travel the world in search of Soul Edge, and he did eventually find the sword as well as Nightmare himself. Nightmare took Voldo in as an apprentice, someone to do his bidding, if you will.
Boomstick: And after that, Voldo was just out killing everyone Nightmare and Vercci commanded him to. Man, this world is screwed if he ever gets a sense of free will.
Wiz: Well, that's one of his major problems. Voldo has never really been able to make his own choices, and has always lived his life taking orders from Vercci and Nightmare.
Boomstick: Voldo is a powerful fighter, despite his... absolutely disgusting and horrifying appearance... he's killed hundreds of sailors trying to break into The Money Pit, he's fought against tough Soulcalibur characters like Cervantes and Pyrrha Alexandra, and he's one of five characters to survive every single Soulcalibur game. Seriously, this guy is 67 years old now!
Wiz: But unfortunately for Voldo, in addition to the free will thing, he's also become blind and unable to speak for... reasons unknown.
Boomstick: Probably because of all the bondage stuff he's done.
Wiz: And while his bondage armor is... interesting, it's also not the most ideal armor in the world.
Boomstick: Can we stop talking about this guy now? (Vomits)
Vega[]
Boomstick: The child Vega was born to an abusive family in a Spanish slum where he had to scrape money off the streets in order to-
Wiz: Uh, Boomstick, Vega doesn't have a backstory like that. He was actually born as a Spanish noble to a wealthy family.
Boomstick: When Vega grew up, he learned how to fight! And then he went to Japan to learn Ninjutsu. And he wrecked shit at an underground fighting ring!
Wiz: Vega was known by many as the Spanish Ninja. But his villainous backstory didn't come in until he one day returned home to find his mother killed at the hands of his father. Since his mother was very beautiful and his father was, well-
Boomstick: He was fucking ugly.
Wiz: Well... yeah, Vega decided that anything that was beautiful was good and anything that was ugly needed to be destroyed. He donned a mask in order to protect his face from damage, and claw hand, and became Vega, ring fighter by day, and Vega, sadistic assassin by night.
Boomstick: Vega's fighting style mixes bullfighting and ninja moves. That bastard.
Wiz: Indeed he is. Because Vega's power is moderate and his durability is quite low, Vega prefers to outmaneuver his opponents and inflict steady damage on them over time.
Boomstick: He can also climb walls! Seriously, every time I fought Vega he used his stupid wall trick on me!
Wiz: Yes, interestingly enough, Vega is the only Street Fighter character able to interact with his stage. The dictator M. Bison found interest in Vega's fighting skill and employed him as an operative of Shadaloo.
Boomstick: Well that's bullshit! Because wouldn't Vega find M. Bison too ugly to work for?
Wiz: Well, it might have something to do with Cammy and Chun-Li and... actually, I don't know. But whatever, he worked for him. As stated before, Vega is a sadistic, cold-blooded killer who would rather torture his targets than kill them outright.
Boomstick: But that's only if his opponent is ugly! Against people who he considers too hot, like, y'know, Cammy, he won't even hurt them. In fact, even when Cammy was out to stop Shadaloo, Vega saved her and some of her friends from a burning building!
Wiz: This is true. Against ugly opponents, however, she shows no mercy whatsoever. This can backfire, however, because he will have a constant need to torture them and make them feel pain rather than actually kill them.
Boomstick: But he's Shadaloo's #1 assassin, so that probably evens it all out.
Wiz: Vega's bullfighting training also incorporates a claw hand which improves his range and power, but it can be knocked off of his hand after he blocks a few times. His mask is a similar way, and can actually be broken by regular punches and kicks.
Boomstick: But in order to do this, you have to catch Vega first.
DEATH BATTLE![]
ParaGoomba348[]
Somewhere off the coast of Sicily
It was a dark night off the coast of Sicily, and the Spanish Ninja Vega had been ordered to inspect the Money Pit. Supposedly, some of the world's most powerful weapons were stored inside, and Bison had taken an interest. So what did he do? He sent his #1 assassin to inspect the place, of course!
But Vega had heard rumors of a terrifying beast who guarded it. He had has claw and mask ready, and he was prepared to put his bullfighting and ninjutsu training to good use.
Vega jumped in through the opening of the Pit, only to be surrounded by lots of gold, weapons... golden weapons. He was quite amused at the sight. He picked up a golden claw hand similar to his own, then nodded his head in amusement.
Then he heard a grunting noise. A wet, garbled grunting noise. He turned around only to be horrified in absolute disgust at what he saw - it was the blind follower of Nightmare, Voldo.
"What a disgusting creature!" Vega yelled in disgust. "I'll dispose of you."
Voldo raised his hands in a zombie-like motion and moaned. Vega turned his head, disgusted.
FIGHT!
Vega ran towards Voldo, then slashed him across the stomach but made sure that he distanced himself as not to deal a lethal blow to Voldo. Voldo groaned in what seemed to be pain, and then slashed his claw at Vega, who quickly stepped back away from the claw-swing.
"How appropriate... ugly abominations like you shouldn't be allowed to move with such elegant grace and beauty like-"
Before Vega could finish his sentence, Voldo wrapped his arms around Vega and slammed him down onto the ground, wrestling-style. Vega winced as Voldo even touched him. Not out of pain, but out of sheer disgust that such an abhorrent creature would do so much as make physical contact with him.
In response, Vega stabbed Voldo in the shoulder, and then Voldo shrieked in pain as Vega pulled his claw back. However, Voldo's grip only got tighter.
"Get... the hell... off of me!" Vega kicked Voldo off of him, then kicked him in the face and followed it up with a few slashes to the face. Voldo gripped his face and and moaned in what appeared to be pain... but then quickly jabbed at Vega. The Spanish Ninja, in response, blocked the hit with his claw hand, then swiped it away then kicked Voldo in the stomach. Voldo fell down onto the ground with a zombie-like motion, then Vega jumped onto the wall of the Money Pit. He jumped off the wall and slashed at Voldo's arm, drawing some blood and causing Voldo to shriek and moan in pain.
Voldo turned around and jabbed at Vega again, and Vega leaned back just in time to avoid the attack... mostly. The tip of Voldo's katar had just barely pierce his chest, drawing the faintest amount of blood.
Vega glared at Voldo then began a large string of claw-attacks. He slashed at Voldo left and right, each time being blocked by the zombie-esque katar-wielder. When Vega's last attack missed, Voldo contorted his body into a circle - like a wheel, if you will.
This contortion left Vega stunned. In disgust, mostly, but also in shock and disbelief.
"No one... should be able to move their body like that... it's... disgusting!" Vega yelled at Voldo. He ran at the now-circular Voldo with his claw ready, but then Voldo rolled towards Vega as the wheel and... ran him over, so to say. Voldo jumped up into the air and prepared to gore Vega with his katar, but then Vega rolled out of the way. Voldo's katar got lodged into the ground, and then he struggled to pull it out.
While Voldo was stuck, Vega took this opportunity to kick Voldo in the shoulder. Voldo screeched in pain, but the force of Vega's kick was enough to lift Voldo's katar out of the ground. Voldo shuffled towards Vega then mimicked the kick that Vega had given him, this time in Vega's stomach. Vega grunted in pain, but then jumped back and clung back onto the wall.
"Your ugliness will soon be dispatched of." Vega taunted as he jumped at Voldo in a straight line-fashion, slashing at him in the chest. He landed back on the other wall, and then continued jumping at Voldo in a zigzag fashion, each time slashing at his midsection. Vega reappeared in front of Voldo, only to see the katar-wielding zombie-esque abomination still standing, and seemingly enjoying the pain.
"Are you... enjoying this pain?!" Vega asked. He stopped for a second, then his visible eye widened as he came to a horrible realization.
This horrid creature was enjoying this pain, and possibly to an extent which he could not imagine without being too horrifying and plain inappropriate to write out.
Vega quickly ran at Voldo, with his claw possibly being infused with lighting. Vega slashed at Voldo several times, each time splattering blood everywhere. A few drops of blood splattered onto Vega's mask as he angrily continued slashing. "You're done." He said to Voldo as he delivered one quick jab into his chest...
...Which quickly backfired as it made a "clang!" sound against Voldo's bondage armor.
"No... it cannot be..."
Voldo jabbed at Vega with his katar, and Vega blocked the hit with his claw hand. Unfortunately for the Spanish Ninja, his claw hand fell off and into the bottom of the Money Pit, where nothing except water was visible.
Vega looked down, and couldn't see his claw hand anywhere.
"That isn't good..."
Vega tried to kick Voldo in the face, but Voldo leaned back and dodged the hit. He flipped back up and jabbed Vega in the face, breaking his mask into pieces and piercing through his eyes and mid-face.
"Not the face!" screamed Vega. No... I can only imagine what he's done... he's... ruined me...
Voldo jabbed at Vega several times in the torso, each time splattering lots of blood until Vega's body was a completely bloody mess. Voldo jumped up and jabbed Vega in the back with his katars, then jumped in the air and got into his wheel-contortion again and spun around, shredding pieces of Vega's body and blood around like a blender. Dead skin, blood, bone, hair and pieces of Vega's mask scattered about as Voldo landed back onto the ground, leaving no pieces intact except what seemed to be pieces of Vega's spine.
Excellent work, Voldo!
Voldo heard the voice of his dead master, Vercci say. He casually went back to standing guard at the Money Pit.
K.O.!
A man in a red jacket approached the exterior of the money pit, then peered inside. After only a second, he was horrified at the things he saw and instantly turned back. It's hard to know what was more disgusting - Voldo, or the bloody mess that he'd made of Vega.
Results[]
Boomstick: Oh god, Wiz, why did the bondage zombie have to win?!
Wiz: *Vomiting sound is heard* Oh no, I really didn't want it to come to this. Well, here we go. Vega may have been a smarter, better-trained and faster foe than Voldo, but his advantages end there. Voldo is stronger, being able to hurt heavily armored characters like Nightmare and Mitsurugi.
Boomstick: Voldo is also more durable, having more base defense and health. Not to mention that... ugh... Voldo's katars are WAY better than Vega's claw, because Vega's claw has a history of getting knocked off, it's not exactly deadly, and he only has one of them. Meanwhile, a katars can break through human sternums and skulls and cause internal bleeding!
Wiz: But what Vega's biggest disadvantage was here was his constant need to torture Voldo. Yes, Voldo's ugliness meant that Vega would not go easy on him, but thanks to his training in bullfighting, he's been trained to torture his opponents. That usually works in his favor, but disgustingly enough, Voldo enjoys pain like some sick sadomasochist.
Boomstick: Vega is faster and all, but Voldo's contortionism and unpredictability meant that he was agile enough to keep up.
Wiz: However, this wasn't exactly an upstream battle for Vega. He was faster, smarter, and didn't rely on others for support. But with Voldo's armor, superior weaponry, and more battle experience thanks to having lived a longer life, it all became clear in the end.
Boomstick: Vega just didn't have a shred of hope in this fight.
Wiz: The winner is Voldo.
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Trivia[]
- Cameo Appearances:
- Vincent Valentine
- This is the first of ParaGoomba348's Season 4 battles not to feature a cameo from someone other than Vincent Valentine.