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Vash the Stampede vs. Flandre Scarlet
Backgrounder (567)
Season 6, Episode 3
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Air date January 31, 2016
Written by ParaGoomba348
Directed by Anonymous
Episode guide
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Vash the Stampede vs. Flandre Scarlet is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle, pitting Vash the Stampede from Trigun against Flandre Scarlet from Touhou.


Trigun VS Touhou! Both leave destruction everywhere in their wake, one on accident but is treated as a villain, and one on purpose but no one would ever suspect! Who will survive?


Wiz: Destructive, apocalyptic power comes in many different forms, often personified in the forms of feared characters with that power.

Boomstick: Sometimes they'll take the side of good, like Vash the Stampede, the sixty-billion double dollar man!

Wiz: Or the side of evil, like Flandre Scarlet, the Scarlet Vampire.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

Vash the Stampede[]

Wiz: Rescued as an infant alongside his brother Knives Millions, Vash the Stampede was destined for none other than greatness when the woman Rem Saverem decided to serve as their adoptive mother.

Boomstick: But just like how we are with goldfish, she was more than surprised to see that the two boys grew up from infants to young children in less than a year. That's because they're Plants, which are like humans, except like humanoid robot batteries.

Wiz: And for a good while, Vash and Knives were forbidden from exploring the SEEDs airship, which the two spent a majority of their young lives on. Because they were young and curious, they eventually came across something which they were not supposed to see - another Plant, being experimented on to the verge of her death. Horrified and appalled by what the humans did, Vash became suicidal.

Boomstick: But right before Vash could end it all, Rem stepped in at the last second. In a defensive, Vash left her wounded and hurt. This is where he kinda decided that hurting people was wrong, as he felt a horrible guilt after hurting her.

Wiz: Rem confided in Vash her tragic backstory, and with a motivational speech that Shia LaBeouf would gush over, she convinced young Vash that he could change the world and make it a loving and peaceful place.


Boomstick: Much later on in his life, fast-forward a hundred years or so, Vash traveled to the city of July in order to find some guy. However, his twisted brother captured and trapped him.

Wiz: In an attempt to awaken Vash's dormant Plant powers, Knives incidentally created a massive explosion which resulted in the death of over 200,000 innocent people, though Knives definitely got what he deserved as he was severely wounded in the process. But since Vash was at the scene of the crime, and Knives was the one who looked injured, the bounty was placed on Vash as he began his life running from the long arm of the law.

Boomstick: He got himself a bounty of sixty billion double dollars. D-don't ask why it's double dollars. But he also gained a new nickname - the Humanoid Typhoon, named after all the destruction left in his wake.

Wiz: Heavily inspired by American Western movie protagonists, Vash springs into battle with huge revolver, the .45 Long Colt.

Boomstick: This big gun can hold 6 rounds, which sounds like it's not a lot, but it's just enough for Vash as he knows how to make all the right shots!

Wiz: Vash's aim is no less than superhuman, being able to hit targets far outside of the range of a normal revolver. And despite the Long Colt being designed to be wielded left-handed, Vash is skilled enough to wield it with his right hand.

Boomstick: Now, I know what you're thinking. "Boomstick, Vash is so badass that he just chooses to wield his left-handed revolver with his right hand", right? Well... kind of, but no. See, during a fight with Knives, Vash's arm was ripped off and replaced with a cybernetic robot arm! Inside this robot arm is a fully automatic submachine gun, which serves as a nasty surprise to anyone who thinks they've worn out his revolver.

Wiz: Strangely enough, his cybernetic arm could possibly hold an infinite amount of bullets. It's never really touched upon.

Boomstick: And if the going gets really tough, Vash could always pull out the knife hidden in his boot for a last-ditch effort! Though usually, it's more for escaping from tight situations rather than actually used for combat. Huh, explains why it gets broken so often.

Wiz: Vash can even utilize a weapon similar to an AK-47, though it was only ever seen once. And in his climactic final duel with Knives, Vash brought out a weapon which was used by an old friend of his earlier in the series - the Cross Punisher, a huge cross-shaped gun used by the assassin Nicholas D. Wolfwood. This gun takes a lot of strength to wield, and Vash has it, though even he has noted its weight. Inside the gun is a lot of smaller pistols, which can also serve as a nice surprise from anyone expecting shots from the cross.

Boomstick: Being a Plant, Vash has access to a lot of cool stuff that no regular human does! He can reach the escape velocity of the huge planet Gunsmoke, he'll never physically age past his 20's, he perceives reality much faster than any regular human, he can dodge bullets before they even leave the gun, and he's way more intelligent than any normal human could ever be!

Wiz: Though, one wouldn't know it from his mannerisms. In battle, Vash gives off the demeanor of a naive idiot with no sense of strategy. However, this is all a guise. In actuality, this strategy is meant to lead his opponents to believe that he is an idiot, and as such make them let their guards down. And through his implied idiocy, he studies their tactics and turns it against them.

Boomstick: Which serves as kind of a rude wake-up call for anyone who thought they were fighting an idiot.

Wiz: But Vash has one weapon which stands out above all the rest - himself. See, his Plant body has a special power within it, which uses his revolver as a catalyst. By tapping into his Plant self, he can alter his arm's shape to turn into a cannon-like appendage, known as the Angel Arm.

Boomstick: Hoo boy, here we go! The Angel Arm is so destructive that it can clear an entire city in its path, leaving absolutely nothing behind, by scatting its particles throughout different dimensional spaces! Now THAT'S kind of gun!

Wiz: The Angel Arm also allows him to fire miniature black holes at his opponents, or protect him from damage completely using a shield-like form.

Boomstick: And even though it hurts like hell when he activates it, if he charges this bad boy more he can even punch holes in the moon! Now that's a wake-up call!

Wiz: Through his Plant physiology, Vash has veered bullets off-course by kicking pebbles at them, defused a Plant about to suffer a fusion meltdown, he's destroyed cities and continents and most of the moon accidentally, but the scariest thing is that it's been stated that if he were to fully charge the Angel Arm, he could destroy the entire planet Gunsmoke.

Boomstick: Oh, and by the way... Gunsmoke is basically the size of Jupiter.

Wiz: However, if he could, Vash would avoid fighting altogether. Despite the sheer power he brings to the table, he is a gentle pacifist and only fights if absolutely necessary.

Boomstick: And while his Angel Arm is basically a guaranteed victory, it too has its downfalls. He still needs to charge it to activate it, which usually involves a process of hurting himself and going overboard with its power.

Wiz: Since a Plant is technically a human battery, the Angel Arm runs off of his own life force. If he allows himself to charge the Angel Arm too much, he will wear himself out and die.

Boomstick: But hey, he still got back at his douchebag of a brother, Knives. And even though he's basically a walking death machine, he's a nice guy at heart. Awwww.

Vash: This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Vash the Stampede.

Flandre Scarlet[]

Wiz: Non-native vampires to the world of Gensokyo, possessing incredible power that makes them feared by everyone around, the Scarlet sisters are true forces of nature who are incredibly dangerous and could spell disaster for the world at hand.

Boomstick: One of the sisters, Remilia Scarlet, knew that her sister Flandre was way too powerful, just putting it lightly.

Wiz: In order to make sure that her sister didn't essentially cause an apocalypse, Remilia kept little Flandre cooped up inside the gigantic Scarlet Devil Mansion. And since Flandre had little to no experience with the outside world and how it worked, she obliged out of respect for her sister.

Boomstick: So Flandre spent the next 495 years or so reading classic literature and playing with a teddy bear. Man, I could never do that. I think that would actually make me go insane.

Wiz: It actually did make her go insane, just saying. Things only got worse when she witnessed the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil, where she suddenly found herself interested in the outside world.

Boomstick: So what did Flandre do? She planned an escape from the mansion, of course! Y'know, even though this giant mansion has armies of fairies, a time-manipulating maid with way too many knives, and lots of pits and dead ends where it's easy for someone to get lost and die of starvation.

Wiz: And interestingly enough, Flandre almost succeeded. That is, until a rain-summoning witch acted at the last second, keeping Flandre indoors.

Boomstick: And for really good reason too! Some magician girl known as Marisa Kirisame found that out the hard way when she sneaked into the mansion and found herself face-to-face with the Scarlet Devil!

Wiz: With Marisa being mostly unsuspecting, Flandre attacked, thinking she just wanted to play. Which was understandably terrifying, knowing her reputation and power.

Boomstick: Being a vampire in the Touhou universe, Flandre has access to a pretty wide array of abilities. She can fly even though her wings don't look like they're strong enough to propel her through the air, turn invisible, turn into a swarm of bats, and disappearing into a red mist!

Wiz: But Flandre's main method of attacking involves magical bullets known as Danmaku, which can be relentlessly fired off with no known limit. While the bolts are designed to be nonlethal to sentient beings, they can still easily destroy large structures.

Boomstick: Flandre can do just about anything with her Danmaku abilities: She can fire bolts from four different directions, like a square, or fire them off in a circular direction like a clock's hand moving forward or backward. And she really likes to name these attacks after classic literature elements, which seems to be a big thing with the Scarlets.

Wiz: But by far one of Flandre's most confusing abilities is her ability to clone herself. She can create up to three clones of herself, each of which straddle the line between completely independent and complete slaves. The three clones can unleash more waves of Danmaku to confuse her foes.

Boomstick: Or she can just trap 'em in a cage of Danmaku and then fire off gigantic eye-shaped bolts! Man, she's pretty intense sometimes. She can also basically create a bullet hell maze that has just convenient enough openings for her opponents to just barely squeeze through. So that's nice of her!

Wiz: In addition, she can even create cross-shaped gigantic Danmaku which does more damage and is harder to avoid, or rainbow-colored bolts that fall onto an opponent like rain. And when she gets serious, she will unleash storms of Danmaku which become nearly impossible to avoid.

Boomstick: Damn... and this makes dodging rain look easy.

Wiz: But Flandre isn't completely limited to long-range combat, not at all. If she is to be pulled into close-range, she can wield the giant sword Laevateinn, which resembles a clock hand for some reason. According to mythology, this is the same sword which the Norse god Loki wielded, and could be used to incinerate the entire world.

Boomstick: But whether she can do that with this sword... well, let's just say we have no fucking clue. But hey, she can also use this sword to create waves of flaming knives, so that's a plus!

Wiz: However, the reason she was kept inside of the Scarlet Devil Mansion wasn't because of her Danmaku, or because of this sword, or even because she's a vampire. It all lies within one ability which allows her to, in the words of others, "Destroy Anything and Everything". By squeezing her hand into a fist, she moves the "eye" of an object into the palm of her hand and crushes it. As a result, the object she targets is destroyed without so much as a trace.

Boomstick: Oh, and if she can see the object, the "eye" is in her hand. And it's basically stated to not really have any limits, so... yeah. You'd be pretty screwed.

Wiz: To make matters worse, Flandre doesn't even know the extent of this ability, and sometimes forgets she can even use it. So much that she's even done it on accident. But by far her most impressive feat with this ability is when a meteor came crashing down into the planet, and all Flandre had to was crush its "eye". In her own words, she went "squeeze" and the meteor went "boom".

Boomstick: It's because of this that everyone's so scared of her! Well that, and the fact that since she and her sister basically share the same abilities, that also means that she can fly at faster-than-relativistic speeds quite casually, and she's sometimes stated to be more dangerous than her sister, or even the time-manipulating maid Sakuya Izayoi!

Wiz: Add in a regenerative capability that lets her shrug off wounds that would be fatal, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

Boomstick: Buuuuut it's not all sunshine and rainbows for little Flan. She's been kept in a mansion her life, and doesn't really know anything about the outside world, which makes her pretty naive and gullible.

Wiz: Not to mention that rain is implied to be a weakness of hers. While immune to most of the weaknesses of common vampires, Flandre is terrified of rain and possibly weak to it.

Boomstick: But you know what? Most people are terrified of Flandre, and definitely weak to her.

(Marisa is looking around in Flandre's room)

Flandre: Who are you?

(Marisa turns around as the lights come on, clearly frightened)

Flandre: I asked, who are you?



Vash Flandre SET

(Cue Castle/Fortress - Super Mario World OST)

Interior of the Scarlet Mansion, in a dark hallway

Nightfall had struck. The hemisphere had fallen asleep. The stars had come out. Just like every other night, one wanted man would be spending this night fleeing from bounty hunters, though they usually were very little of a threat to this man. Rather, this fugitive knew that anyone who was trying to track him down would generally fail, and he had a fair amount of mercy and pity for them.

To avoid injuring anyone who might be after his enormous bounty, this man had taken refuge in a gigantic house - no, mansion. For whatever reason, the doors were left unlocked, and the whole mansion seemed to be completely deserted - or so it seemed.

A lone figure crept through the shadows of the hall, with the sound of his boots tapping the ground and the occasional metallic clicking. As the figure continued walking, he approached a candle lit on the wall, with just enough light to illuminate the surrounding area. The figure was revealed as a tall man in a long red jacket, with circular bifocals upon his head. His golden blond hair spiked up, sort of like a paintbrush. In his right hand (which was wearing a black glove; his other hand wore one too) was a large silver revolver. This man was infamous for bringing destruction everywhere he went, even if it was never on purpose. The sixty-billion double-dollar man - Vash the Stampede.

As he steadily walked through the hallway, he suddenly felt a chill rush down his body. While he wasn't quite afraid, per se, something definitely felt... off. There was something that lay ahead, something supernatural. Vash took a deep breath as he clutched the handle of his revolver, continuing to walk forward along the hallway, passing some more lit candles.

After a few seconds, Vash neared a needlessly tall red-brown door, with a golden, elliptical doorknob which stood exactly at his face height. He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes, and just eyed the door for a few seconds. He slowly inched his left hand toward the door, trembling as he questioned whether to open the door or not.

Did Vash dare see the other side of this door, what could possibly be behind? He did need somewhere to take refuge, and it seemed like a dark room in solidarity would be a perfect place to hide for the night before continuing his journeys in the morning...

...Yet, for whatever reason, his stomach flopped over in his stomach as he gripped the doorknob. Something wasn't right.

(Cue Septette for the Dead Princess - Touhou OST)

Another chill ran down Vash's back as suddenly he felt a short breeze coming from behind him. He slowly turned around, his finger on the trigger of his gun as stepped into a defensive position, pointing his revolver at a figure in the short distance.

This figure appeared to be the silhouette of a little girl, except floating in the air, with bat wings that extended from her back. She wore a long, plain pink-white dress with frills at its edges, and a red ribbon tied at the waist as well as red sides of the dress. Atop her head was a pink-white mob cap with a short red ribbon tied around that as well. Her hair was a pale blue, cut to the length of her neck and her face was a pale white, and above her expressionless mouth was a death glare - her eyes focused themselves upon Vash while glowing a blood-red color. This hellish girl was known only to the residents of the Scarlet Devil Mansion as Remilia Scarlet.

"Run free." Remilia softly demanded, her voice echoing through the corridors of the mansion. Vash almost reflexively pulled the trigger of his gun, but instead just gripped the doorknob behind him with his left hand as he stumbled through the open door, ending up in the room behind it. After getting up, he slammed the door tight and took a deep breath as he exhaled in relief, then sat down.

(End music)

The room he had ended up in was darker than the hallways. There were no candles to illuminate the room, though a few points of interest were clearly visible.

There was a large queen-sized bed in the corner of the room, with curtains around the edges so one could not see inside. Right at the edge of the bed was a short coffin, and if one looked very closely he would be able to see a cross shape on it.

Vash got up onto his feet, his curiosity beginning to take over. He knelt down and cautiously examined the coffin, but then turned away and got back up. "Probably not a good idea to look... I wouldn't want to upset the dead or anything."

Suddenly, Vash's heart skipped a beat as the lights flashed on. Everything became visible. Vash trembled, clinging to the handle of his gun. When suddenly, he heard a voice similar to that of a little girl's.

"Who are you?" asked a haunting, yet innocent voice. Vash turned slightly to face the source of the sound - it was a young girl dressed almost exactly like Remilia, with a similar hair style except with a white-blonde. Her dress also had a red top portion rather than white-pink, and her wings were not much more than black wires which extended from her back, with rainbow crystals sprouting from them to form what almost looked like wings. Her eyes were the same blood red, though her expression only displayed curiosity. She hugged a teddy bear close to her chest, holding it right next to her heart as she floated down to face Vash. This was the feared sister of the Scarlet Devil - Flandre Scarlet.

Vash looked directly into Flandre's deep red eyes, and exhaled as he lowered his hand. "I'm Vash, the Stampede. You?"

Flandre gave a little smile as she squeezed her teddy bear closer. "I'm Flandre. I live here. This is my room."

Vash chuckled a little, and then slowly began to head toward the door. "Sorry, I should probably get out of here now-"

Before Vash could exit, Flandre gave a quiet whine like that of a little girl's. "Vashy... can you stay here to play?"

Right as Flandre's words left her mouth, Vash smiled and turned toward the girl. "Well, sure. If you insist."

Flandre's smile grew as she set her teddy bear onto her bed, then clapped. "Yay! Vashy wants to play!" She grinned as six red bolts of magic energy materialized behind her. Vash's happy-go-lucky expression suddenly turned nervous as the blasts of magic all fired at Vash with a speed even faster than bullets. With haste, Vash weaved around each of the bullets and then did a backflip into the air, landing on the other side of the Scarlet Devil's bed. The Danmaku she had fired all crashed into the wall behind Vash, cracking and crumbling pieces of it to leave a large hole in the wall.

"...Oh..." Vash struggled to get a word out as he sputtered out that nervous "Oh". He crouched behind the bed, gripping onto his revolver. I guess this girl isn't quite as nice as she looks..."

"Vashy~!" Flandre cooed. "Play with me some more!"

Vash gulped, gripping the trigger of his revolver as he stood up, taking aim at the girl.

He didn't want to have to hurt her, but he had to get her out of the way somehow.


Flandre instantly closed her eyes and gave a short smile as she gripped the sides of her skirt and gave a curtsy toward Vash. A moment after, she raised her arms up into the air as a glowing red circle surrounded her body, and a red hexagram appeared inside. Flandre jumped up into the air as she took flight, her face going from docile and innocent to outright devilish.

(Cue Kirby Quest: Battle Theme - Kirby Mass Attack OST)

Vash kept a steady grip on his revolver as he aimed at the girl, when Flandre held out her right arm as a laser-like beam of red bolts of magic energy was fired out of her palm, aiming right at Vash. Not a moment too soon, Vash did a backflip to narrowly dodge the Danmaku beam. To Vash's surprise, the beam stopped itself before hitting the wall behind Vash. Instead, beam separated itself into seven rows of Danmaku lasers, each of which moved horizontally. With not a moment to lose, Vash jumped in between the Danmaku rows as the bolts all passed by him harmlessly.

"Hmm, this girl is tougher than I thought," Vash muttered as he pointed his revolver at the vampire again. Flandre sighed with disappointment, seeing Vash still in one piece and completely unscathed.

"Taboo: Laevateinn"

Flandre's mouth curled downward in a scowl as her eyes fixed themselves upon Vash. She suddenly materialized a sword-like weapon with a clock hand type appearance in her hand, and then she swung it horizontally - as if it were the hand of a clock. Vash tilted his head in confusion at the strange gesture, but then suddenly the room seemed to be turning in a clockwise direction. Another beam of Danmaku fired from Flandre's hands, turning in that same clockwise direction.

"Whoa!" Vash quickly began to run away from the laser beam, trying not to stumble over his own feet as the room seemed to turn. Suddenly, the room seemed to be turning in a counterclockwise direction as the Danmaku turned into circular rows of beams aiming at him horizontally again. This time, Vash pulled out his revolver and aimed - not at Flandre, but at the Danmaku which was heading in his direction. Then, he pulled the trigger.


A large, black-silver bullet fired from the barrel of Vash's gun, aiming right toward one bolt of Danmaku heading toward him. Suddenly, time seemed to slow down significantly as the bullet headed for the Danmaku bolt in slow-motion. After a few seconds, the bullet hit the Danmaku bolt head on as it then ricocheted off that bullet, and then off of another one, and off of another one, with a stream of red light following after the bullet. Within a timeframe of less than one second, each of the Danmaku bolts had dissipated as Vash's revolver was smoking.

Flandre made a frustrated pouting face at Vash, then sighed as the clock-hand sword disappeared from her hands. "You know what? You're making this very difficult."

Vash made a nervous grin and then scratched the back of his head, closing his eyes. "Hey, don't blame me! I'm just trying to stay alive here!" His voice began to trail off as he spoke those last lines, still gripping onto his revolver for defense.

"Hmm..." Flandre closed her eyes, still gripping the edges of her skirt. In the blink of an eye, she floated to the other end of her room, then raised her hands up as four clear orbs about the size of beach balls all surrounded Vash in a diamond shape. One could see a square red card in her right hand as she activated her next attack.

"Taboo: Cranberry Trap"

Vash kept a steady eye on the orbs as each of them began to circle around him, gradually increasing their speed. He kept his revolver steadily aimed at the sister of the Scarlet Devil, but his heart began to pound faster as suddenly, smaller, red and blue orbs of Danmaku began to fire from the clear ones. In one quick motion, Vash extended his left arm, the mechanical one - and from out of his wrist emerged an erected machine gun.

With not a moment to lose, Vash jumped up into the air and pointed his machine gun downward and diagonally, then fired a wave of machine gun bullets.


In only a few quick seconds, Vash fired enough bullets around him to dissipate the bullet hell of Danmaku that Flandre had created. Then, he landed back down on his feet with grace and elegance, not slipping over himself in the slightest.

Flandre raised her hands up into the air again, this time firing out waves of Danmaku in a fan pattern, with only the shortest visible gaps between the bullets. Without any sort of hesitation, Vash quickly jumped between the gaps between each bullet wave, dodging any sort of wave of Danmaku completely. Then, Vash pulled out his Revolver once more, and aimed directly at Flandre.


"Whoa!" Flandre's eyes widened as she quickly floated to the side to narrowly avoid the bullet, but the door and wall behind her had crumbled to bits from only that shot. Red dust and wooden splinters kicked up as the battlefield was completely obscured to Vash and Flandre.

After a few seconds had passed, the battlefield suddenly became visible once more - except now, Flandre had disappeared from sight completely.

"Where did she go?" asked Vash, trembling as he held his revolver steady. Suddenly, he felt something tap on his shoulder twice. Vash reflexively pivoted around in a 180-degree turn, his arm position not once faltering as he was face-to-face with the sister of the Scarlet Devil.

"Weren't expecting that, were you?" asked Flandre, her face displaying a smug and devilish grin as her eyes seemed to be flickering with that ominous red glow they've had this whole time. With a reflexive motion, Vash leaped backward on one foot, seeming to almost glide backward as he kept his aim on Flandre. He fired another bullet at the vampire-


-Who attempted to float to the side to avoid the bullet again, but ended up taking a gunshot to the shoulder as she was flung against the wall of her room. Stars appeared in Flandre's eyes for a split second as she felt a burst of whiplash in her head. She fell to the ground, completely dizzy and concussive. However, unfortunately for Vash, right as he had finished his sliding motion, he tripped over his own foot and was sent falling down the stairs of the adjacent room.

(Cue Vash's Theme - CPS2 Originals)

"Whoa!" Vash lost his balance as he stumbled over the first step and began his descent. He tumbled and rolled down each of the steps, trying to catch his balance as he would feel his head hit a step, or his knees, or his arm. He just couldn't get up.

Suddenly, Flandre recovered from her mild concussion as she shook her head and then took flight down the stairs, where she began to descend as well and keep up with Vash.

"Va-a-ash~!" Flandre cooed. "We're not done playing!" The Scarlet Vampire raised her hands up, this time holding another red card in her right hand. This card displayed a black four of clubs on the front of it. After Vash noticed what was on the card, he saw something else which surprised him.

"Taboo: Four of a Kind"

Vash noticed that there were four Flandres flying down after him. Each one looked exactly identical to the first one. As Vash continued falling, he had to wonder whether he'd hit his head so hard that he was seeing things, or if Flandre was just a strange opponent that way.

Each of the Flandres began to fly faster, each of them extending their arms toward the Humanoid Typhoon. They all fired out waves of red Danmaku which spread out in a fan motion, just like before - except with four of them, that would make it difficult for Vash to avoid the attacks, especially with him falling down the stairs like this.

Flandre clones remaining: 4

The Flandre clones lined up in a horizontal line as Vash held out his revolver, aiming at the Flandre in the middle-left. With his target acquired, he pulled the trigger-


-But since he was falling backward, his arm moved upward at the last second as Vash hit his head on another step. This sudden motion caused the bullet to move in an upward direction. However, the bullet hit a Danmaku bullet which just so happened to be positioned diagonally above it, and once more the bullet ricocheted off of each of the Danmaku bullets, with a streak of red light trailing the bullet once more. In the blink of an eye and a flash of red light, all of the Danmaku had dissipated and the bullet struck one of the Flandre clones in the midsection. That particular Flandre clone gripped her side in agony as blood spilled out onto the staircase, and she was significantly slowed down as a result.

The other Flandres didn't seem to pay any mind to this, however, as the Flandre on the far left fired out five latitudinal lines of yellow orbs at Vash, taking a fan-shaped pattern as they all aimed toward Vash. In just the nick of time, Vash extended his left arm as he fired out another stream of machine gun bullets toward the Flandres-


-And immediately, the bullets completely dissipated the yellow orbs coming his way, and there were still a few bullets left as they hit the Flandre in the middle-left once more. The Flandre in the middle-left was sent to her hands and knees, her body being completely riddled with bullet holes. Within seconds, all the blood seemed to pour out of her body as she disappeared completely without a trace.

Flandre clones remaining: 3

The Flandre in the middle-right then fired out a similar wave of latitudinal lines of orbs, except these ones were green and were closer together but also seemed to move slower. As the orbs approached, time seemed to slow down for Vash once more as he narrowly positioned himself to be completely horizontal to squeeze between the Danmaku orbs unscathed. He aimed his revolver at the Flandre clone in the middle-right, but before he could pull the trigger his eyes widened as it felt as if he'd taken a heavy punch to the stomach. He looked down to see that a laser beam-like stream of Danmaku had hit him directly in the stomach, catching him off-guard as he fell backward some more.

Vash fell down onto another step, landing down on his elbow as he fell. This motion was just enough for him to pull the trigger of his revolver, which ever-so-conveniently happened to fire right in the middle-right Flandre's direction. Fortunately for that Flandre, the one on the far right fired off three circular waves of blue Danmaku orbs, which fanned out as they fired. One of the orbs hit the bullet which was aiming toward that Flandre, which knocked the bullet off-course and into another Danmaku orb. Once more, the bullet ricocheted off of the orbs and bullets surrounding the area, this time acquiring a blue streak which trailed the bullet. Within seconds, the orbs and bullets had completely dissipated as Vash's gun was still smoking.

"That was lucky," Vash muttered underneath his breath, before realizing that he was running out of bullets. "Man, who knows what else this girl could do... I need to be careful..."

(Cue U.N. Owen Was Her? - Touhou OST)

Suddenly, another Flandre clone began to take flight toward Vash at a faster pace as she fired off the same yellow orb pattern at the 60 billion double-dollar man. Vash attempted to duck underneath the orb bullet hell, but couldn't react in time as a yellow orb hit him square in the face, feeling like a burning sensation unlike that which he'd ever felt before. He suddenly began to fall down further, hitting his back on the steps as he kept falling. From behind his boot, his hidden knife slipped out of its sheath, glowing with the reflection of Danmaku. Vash eyed at the loose knife with intrigue - and then realized exactly how hit could be helpful. He grinned, then pointed his machine gun arm at the knife as he fired off another wave of machine-gun bullets-


-But instead of the bullets aiming for any Danmaku or the Flandre clones, the bullets all aimed right for Vash's knife. The knife seemed to dance and jump around as the bullets hit it with a "ching!" sound, yet it seemed completely unscathed from any of the bullets. However, he had positioned the bullets and knife exactly so that the knife would fly right in Flandre's direction - and the knife impaled Flandre right on the forehead, right between the eyes. That Flandre clone's eyes narrowed as they lost their lustrous red glow, and blood poured out from her forehead as she slumped down onto the ground. The Flandre clone's body dissipated into thin air as Vash continued falling down the stairs, this time hitting his knee on a step.

Flandre clones remaining: 2

The Flandre clone on the far right narrowed her eyes at Vash as she began to fly down toward him, getting into close-range. Vash reached down into his pocket and drew his huge silver revolver once more, and held it right up to Flandre's forehead, the barrel being mere inches from the space between her eyes. She rolled her eyes at Vash and sighed. "Wow, you're really going to pull the trigger on a little girl?"

Vash's eyes widened as he let out a faint gasp. His grip on his revolver suddenly began to falter as he looked deep into the glowing red eyes of the Scarlet Devil.

How could he hurt her?

Especially when she was just so small, and so cute?

But then he remembered - this girl had been trying to kill him. And since she could clone herself, and there were two clones, clearly he had to do something. He'd have to remove the clone directly in his way, then figure out a way to get away from Flandre but at the same time spare her.

Swallowing a gulp of air and saliva, Vash aimed his gun toward Flandre as he took advantage of the position he was in. He then pulled the trigger-

-But suddenly, everything stopped. All the Danmaku in the area froze. Vash froze in place before the bullet could even exit the gun. Flandre stayed completely still. Everything seemed to be completely frozen in time.

After a few seconds, a young-looking girl in a blue-and-white maid outfit with silver-gray hair tied in a braid began walking up the steps, and caught an eyeful of Vash and Flandre's fighting scene. For a few more seconds, she tilted her head in confusion at the two harbingers of destruction, then scratched the back of her head. She shrugged, then continued walking up the stairs. In a few seconds, she completely disappeared from view.

Once the time-stopping maid disappeared, Vash and Flandre were allowed to move freely once more. Vash then finished pulling the trigger right at Flandre's head, then-


In one gunshot, blood was splattered across the area as the Flandre clone that was in front of him then fell to the ground, her eyes and face lifeless. Within seconds, the last Flandre clone had dissipated into a red mist.

Then, Vash looked directly at the original Flandre, who now looked angrier than ever.

"Alright, if that's the way you're going to play..." Flandre then extended her arm toward the still-falling Vash, then unleashed a laser beam of blue Danmaku bullets at Vash. Vash could only catch a glimpse of the bullets as he was sent hurdling toward the ground as the end of the steps had reached the two fighters. Unfortunately for Vash, right when he landed on the ground he fell down on his face - shattering his glasses upon impact.

Flandre then loomed over the downed Vash, stepping down on his back. Vash slowly pushed down on the ground, looking at Flandre as he struggled to get up. "Hey, look," Vash began, his face turning into a goofy smile. "We don't have to fight, do we?" he asked.

As Vash finished his question, Flandre stepped off of Vash and then took a step backward. She covered her mouth while giggling, then curtsied again. "Well, of course we don't have to fight-" she replied, a green card appearing right in her hand. Vash's eyes widened as he braced himself for the inevitable-

To be continued...

Part 2[]

Vash pulled himself back up onto his feet, and began to take in the new surroundings of the area. The two appeared to be in a basement-like area, and the walls dripped with a mysterious wet substance. Vash could hardly see anything around him as very little light hit the basement, and furthermore he could not tell how large or spacious it was.

However, Vash had little time for inspection of the basement as he suddenly saw Flandre float upward into the air, still holding that green card in her right hand.

(Cue U.N. Owen Was Her?)

"Taboo: Kagome, Kagome"

Vash stepped back, holding his revolver at his side as small green orbs of Danmaku began to fill up the basement, illuminating the area with their ominous green glow. His eyes widened as he saw the Danmaku arrange in a cage-like formation around Vash and the surrounding area; there was literally nowhere for him to go as he was trapped in the Danmaku.

"Man... gonna have to figure a way out of this one, too..." Vash muttered to himself. Right as Vash began to think about a way out of this one, Flandre raised up her hand as a large, orange Danmaku orb the size of a beach ball materialized in her palm. Without any sort of hesitation, she chucked the orb at Vash at an inhuman velocity, much faster than any normal human would ever be able to track.

But fortunately for the Humanoid Typhoon, he was anything but a normal human.

"Gotta think of something!" Vash shouted out as he saw the orb approaching him, and quickly. There was almost nowhere to move in the Kagome, Kagome trap of green Danmaku. But then suddenly, he reached behind himself and pulled out a cross-shaped weapon - the Cross Punisher, which belonged to Vash's late friend Nicholas D. Wolfwood.

Vash nodded and gave a slightly dejected sigh as he remembered his good friend Wolfwood. How he would always fight for his ideals, and how he and Vash used to take on bad guys as a team.

But now, it was Vash's turn to return the favor. He placed the Cross Punisher on the ground, standing upright and then pulled a hatch on the cross, revealing a row of small pistols. Vash pulled two pistols from the cross and fired three shots from each one.




Vash tossed the two guns to the ground as the bullets fired out, each of them hitting the orange Danmaku orb that Flandre shot at Vash. The orb dissipated as four of the bullets hit, and the last two bullets began to sail through the air toward Flandre. The Scarlet Vampire's eyes widened as the two bullets approached her faster than she could possibly perceive, and then both bullets pierced through her stomach. Blood splattered from behind her as she slumped over onto her hands and knees, bleeding from her torso as she coughed blood onto the ground.

"Ugh... you're not playing very fair, are you?" Flandre asked, her eyebrows curling downward as her face went from docile and innocent to outright menacing. Her fangs became even more visible than ever before blood dripped from her mouth. Suddenly, the green Danmaku surrounding Vash began to close in on the 60 billion double dollar man. But he reached into the Cross Punisher once more and pulled out two more pistols, and fired three more shots from each one.




With only six shots, each of the bullets ricocheted off of the green Danmaku. A green streak of light trailed behind each bullet, zigzagging all the way around the room. In a time frame that no normal human could ever perceive, each of the Danmaku had completely dissipated as Vash tossed those two pistols onto the ground. With the green Danmaku gone, the room had gone pitch-black once more.

Flandre narrowed her eyes at Vash and gave a frustrated huff, then raised her hands up as she fired out wave after wave of circular, fan-pattern blue Danmaku. However, much to her dismay, Vash jumped, ducked, and weaved around each Danmaku bullet, being completely unaffected by each one. To him, dodging these Danmaku bullets were second nature.

"That's it... I'll show you just how terrifying I can be!" Flandre shouted out, raising her hands up as she was now holding a blue card in her hands. Vash gulped as he aimed his revolver at Flandre again, preparing himself for the absolute worst.

"Taboo: Maze of Love"

Flandre floated up higher into the air as she released a circular wave of blue orb-shaped Danmaku at Vash, but she also fired out a wall of cyan-colored Danmaku bullets - with no feasible opening besides one small gap, but to get to that Vash would need to traverse through a "maze", so to say, of blue and cyan Danmaku.

Fitting name, isn't it?

With a nod, Vash quickly dashed past the blue Danmaku orbs, jumping over or weaving around each one. Within a moments' notice, Vash jumped right through the gap of the cyan Danmaku maze, only to see another wave of cyan Danmaku bullets - with a gap right on the other side of the room. Vash huffed as he made a mad dash all the way to the other side of the rather spacious room as he quickly weaved and positioned himself through the gap, but he wasn't quick enough to react to a blue Danmaku orb, which was right in his face. Before he could do anything, the blue Danmaku orb collided with his face. Though it didn't hurt much, the motion was enough to knock him down to the ground, but fortunately this ducking motion was exactly what he needed to evade the oncoming wave of cyan Danmaku.

Flandre narrowed her eyes once more, but then raised her hands up as she then released the same wave of Danmaku - except with red orbs and orange bullets. Vash nodded once more as he jumped around the red orbs and in between the walls of the orange bullets, narrowly avoiding being hit each time. Then he pulled out his revolver and aimed right toward the center of the maze, where he knew Flandre would be - he just needed one shot to end this all - as he pulled the trigger.


As if guided exactly by radar, the bullet weaved right through the bullet hell, not making contact with any Danmaku as it glided all the way toward the center of the Maze of Love. It looked like it was going to be a direct shot-

-But Vash's eyes widened as he didn't hear the bullet pierce through Flandre's body. Instead, the bullet hit the wall on the other side.

Vash had missed.

As the Maze of Love ended, Vash didn't see anything in the place where Flandre had once been. Instead, a black bat was floating in that place, and it had avoided the bullet completely.

Vash nodded once more, then he extended his left arm as he revealed the machine gun again. He ran toward the Flandre bat and unloaded a wave of machine gun bullets on the bat-


-And then blood splattered from behind the bat as it fell down to the ground, riddled with bullet holes. The bat lie in a pool of blood as a wing twitched.

(Stop music)

"Whoa!" Vash put his arm down as he looked at the dying bat. He sighed and closed his eyes, then picked up the bat in his hands. "Oh no... how could I have allowed himself to do this... whatever happened to Thou shalt not kill?"

The bat slowly raised its head up at Vash as its wing twitched again. Its eyes opened up, then flashed an ominous red as it miraculously took flight back into the air. Vash's eyes widened as it looked to have been completely unharmed, and then the bat flew up to the center of the room once more and reformed itself into Flandre, her body appearing unscathed once more.

"Ha! You're so easy to trick!" Flandre taunted, wearing a devilish grin on her face. "Y'know, it's really unfortunate that you ended up down here. You must have some really bad luck!" She laughed, baring her fangs. "I bet you were so caught off-guard! Oh, play with me, Vashy~! Ha! Unsuspecting people like you are what make this world so interesting!" She then pulled another card, this one having all the colors of the rainbow, in a diagonal striped pattern.

Vash looked down at the ground, and sighed. He closed his eyes as he thought to himself - "I knew this girl was far more than what she appeared, but I just thought she was a sweet little girl... I guess I really need to stop expecting these things out of people..."

"Forbidden Barrage: Starbow Break"

Flandre laughed again as she raised her hands up once more as a star-shaped formation of rainbow orb Danmaku formed around the room - there was no corner where one wouldn't see Danmaku being formed. Vash kept a steady grip on the trigger of his huge revolver as the rainbow Danmaku then all began to converge on him at once - and he knew exactly what to do.

Vash eyed a yellow Danmaku orb right in front of him, and then moments before the orb would hit him, he fired off a shot from his revolver-


And once more, a rainbow streak trailed the bullet as it ricocheted off of each Danmaku orb. Within seconds, each orb had completely dissipated.

Flandre's eye twitched as she gave another frustrated huff, and this time pulled out an indigo-colored card.

"Forbidden Barrage: Catadioptric"

Suddenly, blue Danmaku orbs began to fall from above like hail, which Vash nimbly sidestepped around before any of the orbs could hit him. Then, a snake-like pattern of blue Danmaku orbs began to weave its way toward him at an incredible velocity. Not faltering in his dance-like movements to avoid the indigo orb rain, Vash extended his left machine-gun arm as he aimed toward the snake-like formation of indigo orbs-


-And the Danmaku-snake-form was dissipated, but then another one began heading toward him, from the side-


-Again, the snake-like formation was harmlessly dispatched of, but then two approached him - one from the front, and one from behind. To which, Vash turned sideways and extended both of his arms, making a "T"-shaped formation. He fired his revolver and machine gun at exactly the same time-



-And the snake-formation behind him dissipated completely, while the one in front of him had only the head dissipated as the bullet ricocheted off of the head of that Danmaku, then off of the indigo Danmaku which was raining down from above. As if Vash had planned out this move in advance, the bullet ricocheted off of the bullets exactly so that the bullet he fired would pierce right through Flandre's chest-

"Gah!" Flandre shouted out as she then fell down to the ground, blood spilling out of her chest. Similarly, right when Vash had fired that shot, he had not prepared himself for the snake-Danmaku which only had its head destroyed, and was still headed toward his chest-

"Aaah!" Vash was similarly knocked back as he fell down onto his rear, still clutching onto his revolver. He looked at the downed Flandre and watched as she coughed up more blood onto the ground. He pushed himself back up, gritting his teeth as he was now back onto his feet. Flandre similarly got herself back up and took flight once more.

"Alright, Vash, I'm done playing. Now, it gets serious." Flandre stated, her face devoid of any of the innocence she presented earlier on in the fight. She held up a cyan card with dark blue cross on it.

(Cue U.N. Owen Was Her - Demetori Cover)

"Forbidden Barrage: Counter Clock"

Two blue hexagrams appeared to either side of Vash, and then suddenly two Danmaku orbs about the diameter of Vash's body appeared from the hexagrams. Then, four large streams of light emitted from the orbs, forming cross shapes. The orbs then began to turn in a counterclockwise direction, the streaks of light just about to hit Vash head-on.

"Whoa!" Vash ducked right underneath a streak of light, then jumped over another one. His remarkable agility had saved him several times until now, and he wasn't about to lose so easily. The orbs continued turning, threatening to trap him between the streaks of light.

"Come on! Get him! You can do it!" Flandre shouted at her Danmaku cross-orbs, her eye twitching as her mouth had formed itself into a demented slasher smile. To her dismay, Vash continued ducking, weaving, and jumping around the Danmaku cross-lights - until Flandre fired off a laser of blue Danmaku, aiming from Vash's blind spot.

Vash jumped over the beam of light once more, but then he turned around to see a blue Danmaku laser headed right toward him - and he couldn't even react as the laser hit him right in the face, causing a horrible burning sensation all across his face as his glasses were destroyed completely. Vash was flung right into the orb behind him, which made a sizzling sound as it burned his back. Vash reflexively jumped up and behind the two orbs, and then his happy-go-lucky expression and demeanor turned serious.

"If that's the way you're going to play this," Vash huffed. "Then I'm going to have to unleash some powers of my own." Vash held his revolver toward Flandre again - but this time, gray-silver angel wings began to form behind Vash's shoulder as the same gray-silver metallic material started form all around his arm. Within seconds, his arm had transformed into the infamous Angel Arm - and it began to glow with a black light as he aimed it at Flandre.

Flandre's heart skipped a beat as she stepped back, her eyes widening and her jaw dropping. "B-but..."

Vash nodded and sighed. "I didn't want to have to do this... but you leave me no choice." He then fired off a black blast of energy toward Flandre, forming a black-purple sphere between the two of them - and then suddenly a vortex formed around the black mass, with Flandre's Danmaku flooding inside of it. It was none other than a black hole.

"N-no..." Flandre muttered, now breathing heavily as her mind went into panic mode. Flandre felt herself being sucked in at a faster pace than she thought she'd ever logically be able to react to.

It has an eye... I just have to... Flandre thought to herself as she made a squeezing motion with he hand. Kyuu~! She whispered.

Suddenly, the black hole in the middle imploded upon itself, the force sending Vash and Flandre flying to opposite sides of the room. There was nothing left where the black hole once was, not a trace whatsoever.

"Wh-what?!" Vash shouted out, his heart now beating rapidly. How did she do that...?

"That's. The last. Straw." Flandre boldly stated, now holding a white card in her hand. "I'd like to see you handle this."

"Secret: And Then There Will Be None?"

Flandre seemed to vanish from view completely. Vash stood there, his Angel Arm still activated. Red and blue orbs of Danmaku rapidly converged onto Vash as the 60 billion double dollar man stood there, his Angel Arm still glowing. Much to anyone's surprise, Vash's body was completely unaffected by the Danmaku hitting him. It all just seemed to disappear upon contact, harmlessly bouncing off of his body.

"Where is she?" Vash grunted, a vein popping in his head. He began to breathe heavily as his arm went numb. He was sweating profusely as he struggled to remain standing. And the Angel Arm was glowing with a blinding intensity.

Suddenly, Flandre reappeared right in front of Vash.

"Alright, how did you-" Her eyes widened as she saw herself face-to-face with the Angel Arm, which was pointing right at her. "No..." She then remembered the black hole which appeared in the center of the room - and she didn't want to have to think about what this would do now.

Vash began to scream out in pain. "Look, little girl, this is going to hurt me way more than it's going to hurt you, and I'm sorry!" He clenched his eyes shut as he prepared himself to unleash his most powerful attack yet.

Flandre stepped back, her heart racing with fear as she trembled in front of the activated Angel Arm. "No... I can't-" Flandre then eyed Vash, but then nodded as she figured out what to do.

"Love! And! Peace!" Vash shouted out, about to exert all his power at once-

"Kyuu~!" Flandre shouted, clenching her fist tight as she aligned Vash's "eye" with her palm. Before Vash could fire out the Angel Arm, he felt a burning chill - his nervous system went numb as his heart stopped, and he couldn't even move. The Angel Arm lost its glow, and didn't even get a chance to fire.


That was Vash's last thought as everything went black.


(End music)

A loud explosion could be heard as Flandre was flung all the way to the end of the room. Dust kicked up everywhere as she hit the back of her head against the wall, coughing up dust. But when the dust cleared, there was nothing left where Vash stood, except for the Cross Punisher and the guns that were left there.

Not a trace remained of the 60 billion double dollar man.

This was the girl who had finally defeated Vash the Stampede.


Suddenly, Flandre's older sister Remilia floated down the stairs, and appeared right in front of Flandre. She looked around the room, noticing all the destruction and bullet holes around.

"...Where did that man go?" asked Remilia, her cold demeanor still keeping up.

"I..." Flandre wore her innocent expression once more. "I don't know..." she cooed. "I just... squeezed my hand, and... he went boom..."

Remilia grinned as she patted her little sister's head. "Good... good..."

Flandre's Room

Sakuya finally made it up the seemingly endless stairs, where she made it up to Flandre's wrecked room. Her eyes widened as she stepped through the hole in her wall, and could see bullet holes all around, and Flandre's bed was in shambles.

Dust and rubble surrounded the room. It was like a tornado - no, typhoon - had hit the room.

Sakuya sighed as she pulled her duster from her pocket. "Remilia... Remilia, Remilia, Remilia. There's a reason we keep your sister locked up," She stated, beginning to dust off Flandre's bed. "Next time you want someone out of here, deal with him yourself.


Boomstick: Yep. There's a reason they keep that girl locked up.

Wiz: Amazingly, this was likely one of the hardest battles to ever determine the outcome of. Vash is easily a superior marksman of the two, and with Flandre's Danmaku being nonlethal, especially with Vash's superior durability, it seemed that Flandre had her work cut out for her.

Boomstick: Both characters can move at relativistic speeds casually, and Vash has reactions going even faster than light! However, since Flandre is implied to be able to go much faster, it's definitely possible she could move at that speed too, especially since she dodged a ray of light once.

Wiz: And while Vash is an incredible tactician - definitely superior to Flandre in that regard - it's really not helpful to him in this scenario. Vash is adaptable, yes, but his strategy relies on playing himself as a fool and making his opponents underestimate him. However, this is something that works best on opponents who fancy themselves as tacticians, and are more likely to go easy on easier opponents. But Flandre? Uh... she's practically insane. She wouldn't go easy on anyone, and this includes Vash.

Boomstick: With Vash being able to evade and survive Flandre's Danmaku easily, and Flandre's healing factor and speed being able to survive Vash's weaker attacks, it all came down to their two most powerful attacks - and this is where it gets tricky.

Wiz: First off, Vash's Angel Arm. While this weapon was able to destroy most of the moon, and is implied to be able to destroy a planet at its full power, the fact is that he still needs to charge it - and before that, he needs to activate it. Both of which serve as a window of opportunity for Flandre, especially since Vash is a pacifist and loathes using the Angel Arm in the first place, even though he'd inevitably need to bring it out.

Boomstick: But then there's Flandre's destruction of everything! See, she can destroy anything that has an eye. Anything! And that includes Vash! "Oh, but Boomstick, lightspeed reflexes!" Well... it's nothing Vash would ever be able to dodge or see coming, because it gives no warning to when it will strike, and Flandre doesn't have to do anything before using it! Hell, she could have used it the moment this battle started!

Wiz: And she doesn't even know the full extent of this ability. As a matter of fact... no one does. It's far more powerful than anything she could do otherwise, and the meteor feat? That was effortless. Imagine how powerful this attack would be if she actually put some effort into it. In fact, she's even been known to use this attack on accident. It really explains why she spent all that time locked up.

Boomstick: Vash could never defeat something so "Kyuu"-te!

Wiz: The winner is Flandre Scarlet.

Flandre wins


Vash the Stampede[]

  • +Easily the more tactically-inclined and experienced
  • +More durable body
  • +Could survive Flandre's Danmaku easily
  • +Adaptable fighter
  • +Angel Arm is basically a guaranteed one-shot
  • =Around equal in speed, if not a little faster
  • -His strategy of playing the fool plus his pacifistic nature did him no favors
  • -Weaker attacks were almost useless
  • -Still needs to activate Angel Arm
  • -No resistance to Flandre's Kyuu, which he would never be able to react to or see coming

Flandre Scarlet[]

  • +Danmaku attacks would force Vash on the defensive
  • +Wouldn't really be fooled or affected by Vash's usual strategy
  • +Healing factor kept her in the game
  • +Had just enough time to react to Vash's Angel Arm
  • +Could simply Kyuu away Vash's black holes
  • +Kyuu is basically a guaranteed one-shot
  • =Around equal in speed, if not a little slower
  • -Less durable body
  • -Would still be annihilated by Angel Arm, if Vash got the chance
  • -Less experienced