| Murder Drones vs Akira! | |
|---|---|
| |
| Season | 1 |
| Overall Episode | 5 |
| Season Episode | 5 |
| Air date | 9/28/2024 |
| Written by | Arson Lord |
| Animated by | Arson Lord |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Zombie vs. Zombie |
Next Henry vs Oliver |
Intro[]
Wiz: Uzi Doorman, the edgy teenage host of the Absolute Solver.
Boomstick: Tetsuo Shima, right hand of the Great Tokyo Empire and Esper number 41.
Wiz: Superpowers are usually played as a net positive for those with them. Sometimes though, they can corrupt those who wield them, forcing the wielder into murderous lifestyles just to get their bloodied hands on the very thing that restrains them.
Boomstick: When these powers awaken in minds that are still developing, it's up to how they view the world to determine if their hands were the wrong ones. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
Uzi Doorman Thinks Dumb Things Are Frickin’ Cool on DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: In the distant future, humanity has created a race of AI advanced to the point of complete sentience.
Boomstick: And as any human would, the first thing they do with robots is reinvent slavery! Good old humans, we never learn.
Wiz: Despite being designed with complete physical superiority to humans in mind, these robots, known as worker drones, did not rebel against their oppressors. Mostly due to humanity doing just fine at destroying themselves.
Boomstick: They carbombed the mining planet they lived on, ending all organic life on it. What good luck for the drones! With humanity gone, they rebuilt society, picking up where humans left off.
Wiz: Everything seemed hopeful, with bright futures ahead. That was until the Murder Drones showed up.
Boomstick: Boom! Title drop! Yeah, these guys lived up to their name. So, drone society was forced into living in bunkers behind strong doors.
Wiz: The one responsible for these doors was a drone named Khan Doorman. However, while Khan was considered a hero, he had a daughter who was almost the polar opposite. This was Uzi Doorman.
Boomstick: Uzi grew up almost orphaned, with her mother falling victim to the murder drones and her father focusing on doors rather than his daughter. Reminds me of-
Wiz: Don't you dare. Despite her parents' lack of presence and being considered an outcast, Uzi was fueled by a singular goal: kill the murder drones to free the workers. To achieve her goals, she studied in technological fields, creating many relatively successful inventions, though nothing groundbreaking.
Boomstick: That was until she made her SICK AS HELL RAILGUN! F**K YEAH! It functions by converging photons through magnetically amplifying them-
Wiz: That's not how that works.
Boomstick: -A process she described as a bunch of sci-fi nonsense-
Wiz: Which it is.
Boomstick: But it still works, so who cares! Early one morning, she snuck out to find the last piece she needed to complete her ultimate weapon- and to kill a murder drone!
Wiz: And she would do just that, only to find that the murder drones could not only regenerate but were also completely sentient. Luckily, the newly regenerated head on the murder drone had damaged sensors, causing it to not recognize Uzi as a worker drone. It introduced itself as Serial Designation N.
Boomstick: After a rough start to their friendship, N would rebel against the company to join sides with Uzi, going as far as to help her kill his abusive boss, J!
Wiz: Within that “rough start” to their friendship came the awakening of something inside Uzi’s code, a program she inherited from her late mother, the Absolute Solver.
Boomstick: N and Uzi’s adventures didn’t really focus on the program much, with the two thinking of it as just some mildly concerning virus, until J recovered from death with its aid, taking an eldritch form to kill drones across the colony! Safe to say that they were definitely intrigued by it at the very least, though Uzi needed some space after she watched a hologram of her dad die during the encounter.
Wiz: During her temporary return to working solo, Uzi realized that she wasn’t going to make progress alone. So, before the school’s prom, she found N and reunited with him, the two of them went onward to stop N’s teammate V from massacring the dance.
Boomstick: And what better timing could they have had, as just moments after they arrived another worker drone possessing the Solver, Doll, would use the program to attempt to kill V.
Wiz: After a brief fight resulting in Doll’s momentary death, N, V, and Uzi attempt to find clues in Doll’s home, only to be ambushed by the very same drone. This ambush brought Uzi’s Solver to a whole new level, bringing it from simply shattering mirrors and subtly repairing damage to full-on telekinesis.
Boomstick: Believe it or not, but it only grew stronger from there! With the Solver, Uzi can move things without touching them, fire them like bullets, and break them in multiple ways!
Wiz: However, the Solver comes at a dark toll for the user. They must regularly consume oil, the robot equivalent of blood, to remain at optimal temperatures. When deprived of the substance for too long in combination with losing control over her emotions, Uzi began to transform into something organic.
Boomstick: She grew fleshy bat wings, and a tail similar to the murder drones’ tails but with a reptilian head at the end of it replacing the acid canister. Within this state, she lost control of her actions, going full-on feral animal mode on her classmates, hunting down four of them. She was only stopped when V attempted to fight her, but surprisingly even the murder drone was no match for Uzi!
Wiz: Instead, N managed to calm her down after throwing her skywards, reassuring her that everything would be ok if they worked together. While Uzi becoming a horror certainly wasn’t optimal, after N’s talk she was able to incorporate it into her base form, being capable of summoning and retracting her wings and tail at any time.
Boomstick: With her friends by her side, she found more and more leads on just what the Solver was. At one point, she even restored the murder drones’ memories from deletion, and in those memories, she found the main host of the Solver: Cyn.
Wiz: Cyn was the first drone infected by the Solver. We don’t know much about them, only that they wished to destroy everything. They mostly work in the background, letting events play out before taking the best opportunity to make things move in their favor.
Boomstick: They do this through the usage of the Solver, of course! Cyn can place drones into a state of paralysis identified as Error 606, create holograms effective enough to hide their entire eldritch form, possess other Solver users, and even create black holes!
Cut to Wiz and Boomstick
Wiz: Black holes are incredibly powerful in almost every conceivable way! Not only does Cyn create them out of thin air, meaning she creates the entire mass of the black holes with pure energy output, but they’re also, you know, black holes! If you stand too close, your atoms get shredded into the closest possible thing to literal nothingness! To demonstrate just how absurd black holes are, I've created a localized black hole generator!
Boomstick: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Wiz: Hah! Of course it isn't! DUMMI!
DUMMI: I brought the generator.
Wiz: Now, let’s practice science!
Wiz presses a large button on the machine, but nothing happens.
Wiz: What? But… I did all the math right… unless…
DUMMI’s screen displays a ping
DUMMI: You might have messed up a coordinate. Unrelated, but don't check the news.
Awkward silence as Wiz slowly presses the button again to destroy the black hole.
Cut back to the analysis
Wiz: Let's not discuss that. Cyn was a threat to the murder drones even through memories, having the capability of deleting their OSes without physical contact!
Boomstick: Despite this, Uzi was able to rescue her friends from mental annihilation by interfering and temporarily possessing Cyn back! Take that, you Lovecraftian computer virus!
Wiz: With more clues than ever, the trio decided to descend into Cabin Fever Labs, meeting up with J and the murder drones’ old human friend, Tessa, along the way.
Boomstick: The labs… didn't go too well. Robot dinosaurs called Sentinels were released by a drone residing in the labs and later on Doll, and Uzi began stressing herself and the Solver to the point where she began creating black holes herself!
Wiz: In order to let the others move on, V made the ultimate sacrifice, staying behind with the Sentinels to let everyone else go further. She left, finally after so long of knowing each other speaking Uzi’s name, to tell her that she trusted her.
Boomstick: Further into the labs, N, Uzi, and Tessa were split up. It was while they were split up that Uzi discovered the events that led to the planet’s core collapsing: actions by her own mother.
Wiz: This emotionally weakened Uzi, a matter made even worse when Doll’s corpse walked into the church she was in, telling her only to fight back. It was then that Tessa went through with her side of the plan: to kill Uzi.
Boomstick: Luckily for Uzi, N saved the day! He brought up enough willpower to decapitate his old friend for the sake of helping his new friend survive through the means of a crucifix-shaped USB port patch thingamabob that he got from Uzi’s mom’s revived heart! Weird Solver stuff, they can kinda just do that. Unfortunately, Uzi was already fully weakened to the point where Cyn could take control. Even though N snapped Uzi out of the possession, Cyn got one thing off: they broke the patch.
Wiz: Worse still, Tessa turned out to not be Tessa, and was actually Cyn’s physical form wearing Tessa’s skin like a suit.
Boomstick: Remind me why people online unironically said that kids could watch this show.
Wiz: Cyn kickstarted a second core collapse, planning to consume the planet like she did Earth, with a massive black hole. As they began to pull in N and Uzi though, Uzi decided to give her best friend a chance to survive. She practically launched him out of the church, leaving him with the message, “Die Mad.” The ensuing explosion launched her almost entirely out of orbit, the durability needed to survive this would be 139 Zettatons of TNT, enough to survive the Earth being blown up right on her twice over!
Boomstick: Don’t think N was just going to sit there and let Uzi sacrifice herself though, because immediately afterward he HOTWIRED A F**KING SPACESHIP FROM J! That’s one way to get back at your abusive boss!
Wiz: N rescued Uzi from space after she talked with her revived mother, and they had a plan to get rid of Cyn. Uzi, being the only remaining Solver host, would have to be the one to kill Cyn by destroying her core.
Boomstick: And she had plenty of powers to do that with! After reuniting with N, she held more control over her emotions than ever, allowing her nearly full access to anything a Solver user can do! This included making her own black holes and throwing them through the planet faster than the speed of light!
Wiz: After many close calls with Cyn, V returned, although she nearly fell victim to Cyn while trying to protect N.
Boomstick: Luckily, Uzi saved those two once again. Cyn tried to control her again, but this time it didn’t work, because she finally found her peace. With her friends by her side, she was able to control her emotions and accept herself for who she was. Yeah, she's edgy! She's angsty! Maybe she is cringe! And God damn it, she's free! F**k yeah!
Wiz: Though the battle following this declaration was close, Uzi came out victorious in the end. With one final blow, Uzi pulled out Cyn's heart and melted it with sunlight! Despite this, Cyn still made one last attempt to survive.
Boomstick: Within their heart was a null, one that contained Cyn's mind. Cyn attempted to eat it, but Uzi beat them to the punch- er… bite.
Wiz: Uzi's consumption of Cyn's mind resulted in a complete fusion of their bodies, causing Uzi to gain Cyn's abilities while keeping her own consciousness.
Boomstick: Uzi reunited with N and V, and finally, after so many years, everyone on Copper-9 was free! Worker drones no longer had to fear being eaten by murder drones, N and V didn’t have to kill for Cyn anymore, and Uzi finally accepted herself for who she was! She made her happy ending a reality, even if she now has to deal with Cyn possessing her tail from time to time.
Wiz: If you asked random drones before that fateful night when Uzi confronted the murder drones just what they thought of her, they'd say she was a loser, a freak, a weirdo. If you asked them after all of this happened though, they'd say all that and more. She's the hero of Copper-9, and she'll make damn sure you know it!
Tetsuo Shima’s Power Grows on DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: A new type of bomb has been detonated over Tokyo. World War Three has begun.
Boomstick: Years later, Tokyo has rebuilt itself into Neo-Tokyo, better than the old one in every way! Well, except for the people living there, it kinda sucks for them.
Wiz: For many impoverished people, living legally simply wasn’t an option. So, many chose to join gangs, if only to make a living.
Boomstick: The gang way of life spread down to even the youth of Neo Tokyo, many orphaned and delinquent children chose to join gangs as well, though for them it was more about being cool than living.
Wiz: Among the gangs that the youth created, one would become more iconic than any other. This was the Capsule Gang. Within its members, there was one who yearned to shine above the rest and become the leader. This member was named Tetsuo Shima.
Boomstick: Tetsuo’s home life was uhhh… not great we’ll say, and his life after eventually ending up in the orphanage certainly wasn’t much better, what with the constant bullying from his peers. That was until his new best friend, Shotaro Kaneda, showed up and stood up for the guy! The two of them had each other’s back, and when Kaneda started a biker gang, you know Tetsuo was in on it too!
Wiz: Despite Kaneda being his best friend, Tetsuo desired to be the leader of the Capsules, to be better than everyone else. Tetsuo craved power. On one fateful night, while the Capsules were riding through restricted land, Tetsuo would get his wish, though not in the way he expected.
Boomstick: After nearly crashing into a child in the middle of the road, Tetsuo was severely injured. Luckily for him, that child wasn’t exactly supposed to be out there according to the government, so Tetsuo got himself a free trip to child experimentation! That doesn’t sound right…
Wiz: Indeed it doesn’t. As it turns out, the very same science that made the new type of bomb that started World War Three could be used to turn people into living superweapons. That child, and now Tetsuo, were these living superweapons, along with a few others.
Boomstick: These child soldiers were called Espers, and Tetsuo became number 41. So, with the monkey’s paw sufficiently curled, Tetsuo began to use his new telekinesis to do basically anything he wanted. He went to the Capsule’s rival gang, the Clown Gang, and used his powers to scare them so badly that they made him their leader!
Wiz: Tetsuo’s powers gave him many great abilities, the aforementioned telekinesis being one of them. But it wasn’t just that, he could teleport, regenerate, read minds, see the future, and so much more! Unfortunately, his new powers came with a cost. Tetsuo needed to take special drugs to keep his powers under control. Drugs so potent that a gram would kill an average human. Tetsuo’s power grew over time, with the drugs helping keep them under his control.
Boomstick: Eventually, Tetsuo would hear of another powerful Esper, Akira. Boom! Title drop again! Anyways, Tetsuo wanted to find Akira to learn about how he could become even more powerful, so he rampaged through the city to find him.
Wiz: His rampage caused the government to intervene, with them shooting a massive satellite laser down on him, completely severing his arm. Mostly undeterred, he rebuilt his arm with metal and technological parts and continued on his search. He found Akira in a vault deep underground, and when Tetsuo did find Akira, the manga and anime took different paths.
Wiz: In the manga, Akira was still alive, and with his help, Tetsuo was able to flatten Neo-Tokyo and create the Great Tokyo Empire. Akira was the emperor of this land, and Tetsuo was his right hand.
Boomstick: And you already know Tetsuo abused the hell out of his new status! Namely, he got all the… wait, isn’t he like 15? Ew… Moving on, Tetsuo got a look into Akira’s mind, and even just that fleeting glimpse showed him one thing: Akira was more powerful than he could comprehend! No, literally. Tetsuo was in a state of shock for some time after that.
Wiz: With this power and a craving for it in mind, Tetsuo left to find another esper, number 19, to explain just how he could get his hands on such absurd strength. As it turns out, her explanation, in Tetsuo's eyes, was “a bunch of metaphysical bullsh*t,” but it's actually quite a concrete answer to how espers work. All of reality exists inside of a Cosmic Stream, an infinite universe, but Akira does not exist inside the Stream. Akira is stronger than what we can comprehend in the most literal fashion. For Tetsuo to reach his full potential, on the same level as Akira, he must rid his body of influences and overcome his weaknesses.
Boomstick: That just so happened to include getting off the drugs so… no dice, right? Well, he tried to lay off the pills, but the toll it took on him was way too much, and he caved shortly after. But he tried again, throwing out his pills entirely, going clean! Without them though, he was put through what can only be described as mental agony. Y'know when you have a really, really bad headache? Yeah, that times a billion. Eventually, though, he persisted through the pain and was reborn in a massive flash of light!
Cut to Wiz and Boomstick
Wiz: Scientists researching the event described it as a Big Bang, as if witnessing the birth of a new universe!
Boomstick: Wait wait wait, Tetsuo made a new universe!?
Wiz: Not necessarily. The scientists described the event as having every property that the Big Bang did, minus the scale, hence why they called it a miniature Big Bang, it was functionally the same as the Big Bang, just not on the full scale. To demonstrate-
Boomstick: Oh no, we are NOT doing that again! Did you check the news after last time?!
Wiz: No? DUMMI told us not to.
Boomstick: To hell with that, do it.
Wiz pulls out his phone, looks at the screen, and goes wide-eyed
Wiz: …On second thought, I think the Big Bang generator could be repurposed into a pretty good miniature particle accelerator.
Cut back to the analysis
Boomstick: Anyways, after Tetsuo returned from his viewing of the Stream during rebirth, the first thing he did was create a massive magnitude 8.5 earthquake across all of Neo-Tokyo!
Boomstick: Then, he took a nap due to the mental toll creating the earthquake took on him. But right when he woke up, he was back in action, teleporting to a military battleship and completely blowing up the place! After telling them that their experiments with the espers were dumb and that the way they were looking at things was wrong, of course. Safe to say, his control over his powers was better than ever! He could teleport as if it were nothing, casually read others’ minds as if he were just listening in on a conversation, and even regenerate entire limbs!
Wiz: When he returned to his empire, Tetsuo planned a demonstration of his powers to stop followers from being drawn to outsiders. During the night of the demonstration, Tetsuo flew up to the moon faster than anyone could see and punched it. The impact of the punch cratered the moon and caused the material expelled to begin orbiting it! Given the diameter of the moon, the radius of the hole, the distance between the moon and the ring, and assuming a timeframe of around 30 seconds, Tetsuo had to have output 1.82 Zettatons of TNT!
Boomstick: It also might have screwed up gravity, like a lot. But that's no big deal, it was temporary. The bigger deal here was something number 19 foresaw from the moon's cratering: Tetsuo reached power comparable to Akira without drugs and without losing who he was. Number 19 planned to use that to her advantage, wanting to use Tetsuo to kill Akira, something that would likely put both down for good. Tetsuo's power would soon degrade his personality until he was on the same level as Akira in both power and mentality. He would become nothing more than a puppet, reacting only to what happened around him and nothing more.
Wiz: Tetsuo had already begun suffering the consequences of his power, and he knew it. He hid his robotic arm, for it began developing the physical manifestation of those consequences. His powers began growing more and more, beginning to slip from his control. He went on a rampage, killing many people, but when he calmed down, he could hide his arm no longer. It had mutated into an abomination of flesh and metal. As he rested though, his arm continued to mutate. It began growing, swelling up in bubbles of flesh, with metal elements sticking out every which way.
Boomstick: Soon enough, he grew into what can only be described as an abomination, a mutated form caused by ego death. His mutation is his body's response to the loss of the drug, causing the loss of control over power. His body no longer was strong enough to hold the power he possessed, so it began mutating and growing to absorb everything around it, seeking only to grow more.
Wiz: He ravaged an entire military base, unable to be stopped, even by himself. His personality lost control over his powers, and he became a horror. Constantly suffering, only seeking more power. He killed many throughout a long and arduous fight before his full power was awakened upon being hit by a satellite laser. In his full power, he shed his human form to become a pseudo-God.
Boomstick: A pseudo-God that just so happens to look like a massive fetus. Bleugh. Good thing it’s not close to lunch. Tetsuo fully lost control over his powers and instead began to simply destroy everything, with the main goal of continuing to grow more and more. Eventually, his powers went fully berserk, and he created a massive explosion, similar to the one at the start of the war. Number 19 used Akira to make another explosion to counteract Tetsuo’s.
Wiz: The resulting clash of explosions ended not just Akira and Tetsuo, but all of the espers. A message that mankind is unfit to play with the power of God. Neo-Tokyo was in ruins, but humanity would continue to persist because we don’t need the powers of Gods to thrive, just our own unbreakable determination.
Boomstick: Although in the anime things ended a bit differently.
Wiz: Yes, with Akira not exactly being alive in this version, Tetsuo’s expansion of energy was uninterrupted, until Akira’s very spirit was called upon by the espers, which drew Tetsuo into a higher plane of existence where he was God. It’s kind of ironic. In death, Tetsuo got the power he always wanted and fought so hard for. With that power, Tetsuo, after years of violence, could finally know peace.
Prelude[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set and we’ve run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE![]
A spaceship flies towards a ruined city, briefly resting on a building to use its spider-like legs to boost itself upward if only for a flip, landing on the ground shortly after. Two humanoid figures emerge from the pod’s door; a taller one with a pilot’s cap and a long jacket, and a shorter one with a beanie and a sweater. Exposed to the planet’s night sky, their skin could be more clearly seen, revealing that they were, in fact, robots. The taller one had yellow lights imitating eyes on its face while wearing a headband with other yellow lights. The shorter one had eye-lights with a gradient that went from yellow to purple. The taller one’s hair was a gleaming silver, whilst the shorter one’s was a deep mauve. They walked from their vehicle, being sure to lock it once they were far enough away. Following this, the shorter one began to speak.
“Aw hell yeah! This is gonna be great!”
The taller one responded to her comment, clearly proud of his work, “I’m glad you like it, Uzi! I thought, y’know, since we kinda started off on that whole mission of “murder all humans”, it’d be cool to finally do that!”
“N, you’re the best, you big dork,” the shorter one, now identified as Uzi, complimented, “I’m impressed you even managed to make the pod work in that way, rewinding time to go back to when the humans were alive while avoiding paradoxes-”
“Let’s not look too deep into this, we’re on vacation!” the tall one, now known as N, disregarded. The two of them continued to walk into the ruins that used to be a city, unaware of someone watching them from atop a tall building.
Tetsuo had felt a disruption within the Empire as if something shouldn’t be there. He teleported to the scene, far enough away to not be spotted. There, he saw the two humanoid figures climb out of the spacecraft. Robots. Using his telepathy, he listened in on their conversation, they were planning to kill all of humanity. That would be a non-ideal outcome, what’s an emperor without an empire? He decided to intervene.
Uzi and N walked through the ruins of the city until they saw a person walk outside of a building. He wore a sleeveless white shirt, a torn red cape, and navy blue cargo pants. He was just about as tall as N.
“Looks like we found the first one! Hey N, you want the honors?” Uzi asked the taller drone, who appeared hesitant.
“I dunno Uzi, we came here for you, and I don’t really think-” N tried to deny, being cut off by a very evident change in his body. He was glowing a sickening red. “…Oh my robo-god, I’m glowing! Why am I glow-!” Before N could complete the reference exclamation, he was rocketed into a building across the street.
“Hey flesh-bag! What the hell was that for!?” Uzi screeched at the assailant.
“Hm, army must’ve gotten tired of throwing their men in here. They employ you tin cans to kill me instead?” Tetsuo questioned, already knowing the answer. He just wanted to mess with them.
“What? No! I’d never-”
“Don’t bother, I already know what you’re here for, so let me make something clear to you, toaster,” Tetsuo walked up close, towering over Uzi, “You’re on Akira turf. I make the rules here.” Retaliating to Tetsuo’s approach, Uzi manifested the Solver glyph before the fingers of her right hand.
“How about this: you leave us the hell alone, or things get ugly?” Uzi growled.
Tetsuo chuckled, “You idiot,” he began, a crooked grin plastered onto his face, “THEY ALREADY DID!!” Tetsuo threw a punch into Uzi’s gut, launching her into a building. She got out of the structure, launching the debris at the Esper assailant using the Solver. Tetsuo dodged most of it with ease, opting to toss the pieces that would hit him away long before they would’ve made contact. He ran towards Uzi, throwing another punch, but this one was reciprocated by the Solver host.
Uzi kicked upwards at Tetsuo, who jumped back to dodge. He used his telekinetic abilities to throw a car at the purple-haired drone, while the latter used her Solver to smash it to large pieces and throw the aforementioned pieces right back at the Esper. Tetsuo kicked the car's front out of the way and molded its back half into buzzsaws, which he launched back at Uzi. The Solver host made a finger gun with her hand and blasted each of the saws to pieces that were quickly scattered every which way.
While she did that, Tetsuo lifted many smaller objects such as lamp posts, glass shards, and pipe segments, and blasted them toward the drone. Uzi had but a split second to activate her Solver, sending the objects around and behind her. Retaliating, she turned over a building that was right beside Tetsuo, falling onto Esper 41. It met the ground with a deafening crash, and the Solver host turned around to go find N, believing Tetsuo to be dead. Right when she took the first step, Tetsuo rocketed out of the debris and grabbed the back of her head, dragging the drone's face through the pavement and up a tower. He let go of her at the peak of the building's height, letting her fly up before soaring to her position and spiking her into the ground. Uzi met the ground with a sickening crunch, though she had little time to recover. She briefly closed her eyes, and in a fraction of an instant, she punched right at the spot Tetsuo teleported to, causing the boy to release a pained grunt.
Before either could speak, Uzi manifested the Solver’s glyph, with the same symbol appearing on Tetsuo’s right arm. Uzi snapped her arm to the side, tearing Tetsuo’s arm off. The Esper cried out in agony, while his disconnected limb spilled crimson blood onto the street, forming a large puddle. Uzi prepared to deliver a killing blow, picking up a lamp post with the Solver as her weapon of choice. Tetsuo wasn't going down so easily.
“I'LL KILL YOU! YOU FUCKING METAL BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU!!” Tetsuo roared at the purple-haired drone. He grabbed the post from the Solver’s clutches with his own telekinesis, before using it to impale Uzi, pinning her to a nearby building. He used his powers to stop the bleeding from his lack of an arm. He looked back, just to make sure Uzi could see him. Then, he grabbed something from a nearby building, or perhaps rather someone. Uzi's eyes widened, becoming hollow rings.
“Hey there… human… guy… could you please put me down?” N asked politely. Tetsuo was too blinded by rage at the moment to hear anything. N's body began to contort and compress, as the tall drone began formulating pained pleads. “Ow-ow-ow please stop that-ow-ow-!”
Moments later, Tetsuo had made a mechanical arm out of the tall drone's body. A voice called out to her from her now-exposed tail.
“Uzi. Why do you hold back? He killed big brother N. LET YOURSELF IN-” Cyn directed, though Uzi cut them off by smacking the reptilian head away. Uzi brought out her bony wings, the left side gray and the right purple, and took flight at the levitating Esper.
Tetsuo punched at Uzi, who flew higher out of the way. She used this height as an opportunity to foot-dive into Esper 41. She followed the attack up with an uppercut to Tetsuo’s gut, paying him back for the one he performed at the start of their brawl.
“And just for the record!” Uzi yelled as she jetted upward to meet Tetsuo’s new altitude, “This is your fault!” She threw a punch, meeting Tetsuo’s metal fist throwing one as well. The collision knocked both of them backward. They began tearing apart the city with their powers. Uzi picked up a large building while Tetsuo rended a different structure into pieces and hurled them at the drone. Uzi used the Solver to grab her mom’s pickaxe from the spaceship, using it to hit the oncoming projectiles away. Grasping it with two hands, she bolted over to Tetsuo and swung at him. He counterattacked with a punch from his mechanical arm, before hammering his fist into Uzi’s head, sending a spiderweb of cracks across her screen. Uzi disregarded the pain and slammed the pickaxe’s sharp end into Tetsuo’s hip, lodging the tool into him. He let out a shriek as it made impact, before throwing it to the side, out of Uzi’s hands. Uzi used this as an opportunity to hit Tetsuo down to the ground with a spike similar to the one he performed on her earlier.
As she reached the ground, she obtained her previously lost gun by using the Solver to grab it. Tetsuo flew upwards, his injuries almost completely healed when he saw the gun in his opponent’s hands and heard her voice.
“Bite me!”
A neon green beam of light burned its way toward Tetsuo, who pulled his metallic arm backward and sent his fist careening into the laser. The two forces collided with a brilliant explosion of neon green and faded red, the result of which dealt significant damage to Tetsuo’s arm, but sent the gun’s blast right through Uzi’s lower torso.
The Esper felt a monstrous pain in his head, and when he looked at his arm he could see flesh bubbling out of the cracks in its mechanics. He was losing control. His hair began to turn from its regular color to white. He lowered himself to the ground, attempting to hide his swollen arm with his cape. Alas, it was to no avail, as his skin began fading to a pale cyan and his cape was torn off by his loosening grip on his psychic powers. Wires began emerging from the ground as Tetsuo's power grew, causing him more pain.
Uzi regenerated the damage from the blast, but a low oil warning appeared on her visor. She couldn't take much more. Deciding there was nothing else to lose, she let loose more of her organic parts. Her wings spread, two large crab-like claw arms sprouted, and multiple tendrils grew.
The two stared down the other’s calamitous form, knowing full well that only one of them was leaving this encounter. There was no going back now. Uzi readied a [null], while Tetsuo pulled more wires from the ground.
The wires stabbed toward Uzi, who launched her tendrils to counter some of these, using her claws to tear through the others. She shot the [null] with a finger gun, which went straight through Tetsuo’s right arm. The Esper barely reacted but ensured his opponent knew he felt it.
He laughed, “Heh… hah, that HURT!!” Tetsuo's left arm extended to envelop part of a nearby building, its swollen biomechanical mass disturbing Uzi.
“Eugh, and I thought Cyn was gross,” she insulted.
“I am. Thinking face. Creative with my so-called grossness. Smug expression.” Cyn butted in as a tail.
“Shut it.”
“It's my turn now!” Tetsuo roared, reminding Uzi of what she was doing, “DIE!!” Tetsuo tore the building he anchored himself to from its foundation, sending it hurtling toward Uzi. The Solver host called her mom's pickaxe to her as if it were Mjlnoir, and the tool crashed through the building completely unphased and landed in Uzi's hands. Uzi used the tool's flat end to smash the oncoming structure into tiny pieces. She charged at Tetsuo with the pickaxe in hand, while the latter took aim at Uzi with his right arm. He extended his flesh mass once more, to which Uzi used the Solver as a means of ensuring she remained untouched by it for the time being. Wires began emerging from the ground by Uzi, wrapping around her lower legs.
“What the hell?!” Uzi shrieked, using a [null] to remove the wires. She lifted her left arm to the air, using the Solver to create a larger than-average [null] above her, which began firing pitch-black buzzsaws at Tetsuo. He teleported out of the way of each one, avoiding Uzi at the same time. Uzi began to use her tendrils to attempt to grab Tetsuo, to little avail. She created [null]s all around the battlefield, uncaring to any damage beyond this point. Tetsuo teleported right in front of Uzi, who hit his chest with the pickaxe she carried, before using a [null] to annihilate his right arm.
Suddenly, she was pushed into a building by an invisible force, undoubtedly of Tetsuo’s creation. She regained her bearings, only to look upon the rapidly swelling mass that used to be Tetsuo. Her eyes turned hollow and her jaw went slack as she looked upon the blob of flesh and metal with an infant's head. It let out a horrific cry, one Uzi was unsure of whether it was a declaration of war or a call for help. Her head felt like it would explode as its scattered voices sounded off inside her head.
“LET ME TELL- LISTEN HERE YOU- HOW MUCH I HATE- I CAN HANDLE THIS- I AM NOT WEAK- I'LL BREAK YOU ON MY OWN-” the voices all called into Uzi’s head before they all came together to form one overall message, “DIE!!!”
Uzi got up, ready to take action, as one more voice, all alone, pleaded to her, “It hurts… please…” it was Tetsuo himself, trapped in the mass. Uzi flew upward on her bony wings, ready to do something she never thought she would do: help a human.
Meanwhile, a small, fleshy creature with a single glowing yellow eye scuttered between buildings with its three crab-claw legs. It heard a scream and looked back for a second, seeing the organic mass that released it.
“Aw, biscuits.”
Back in the action, Uzi flew through the sky around the mass as it swung its many bloated arms it continually formed and deformed at her, barely avoiding each swing.
One of the arms reached her, which she defended against by using the Solver to knock it away. She shot multiple [null]s at the thing, all of which were largely ineffective against the behemoth due to its sheer size. While she was distracted with attacking, it used wires to grab her and bring her close as it began to glow a blinding neon blue. Uzi was unable to move, only capable of opening a holographic purple computer window and beginning to type in it as the neon light expanded. It began to consume her as she finished what she was typing. Within the purple window was the word NULL, and she snapped her fingers to have its effect take place. The blue light was dispersed by a new purple one rising from the ground, consuming the entire city in an instant. Every cloud nearby was pushed back miles away by the sheer force of Uzi’s attack. Uzi was free to fly on her own once more as the fleshy horror was weakened by the command’s destruction. She created a massive [null], catapulting it towards the biomechanical mass before closing the black hole right when it reached the mass's center, detonating the flesh pile from the inside out.
The entire battlefield calmed down momentarily, until Tetsuo, in his human form once more, missing most of his right arm, emerged from the discarded flesh for one final last-ditch effort to put the drone down. He rocketed upward, charging at Uzi with nothing but his fist. Off-put but not distracted by the boy's arrogant display, Uzi manifested the glyph once more. It appeared before her right hand, purple in color, as the symbol appeared over Tetsuo’s head as well. Suddenly, Tetsuo felt an inferno of pain in his head, as if his whole brain was being torched. His vision went completely black except for the violet glyph of the Absolute Solver. His one hand instinctively clutched his head. He roared in agony, the shout beginning to fade as his pain continued. It silenced after a few seconds, as Tetsuo fell limply to the ground below. The Absolute Solver’s symbol was charred onto his forehead, signifying how his brain was fried.
Uzi swooped down to view his body. She was unsure how to feel. On one hand, humans suck and this guy was a douchebag, but on the other, he was clearly in a constant state of pain. She looked wistfully at his corpse, perhaps not regretting killing him, but regretting that she couldn't save-
“Uzi!!” N's core excitedly shouted, ecstatic to see her in one piece after the encounter. He jumped up onto her, using his trio of claws to climb up to her shoulder.
“N?!” Uzi gasped, almost not believing that he was alive after seeing him become an arm. The two laughed together, happy to be reunited.
“So… what exactly was the deal with that guy?” N asked. Uzi winced.
Uzi hesitated, “…I think we should cut this vacation short.”
“Agreed.”
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: Some “vacation” that was! You think hotels around there are cheaper now?
Wiz: Let's break this down, because I'm sure there's one burning question on everyone’s mind right now: is Tetsuo universe level? Well, first of all, we can't use Tetsuo as he is at the end of the anime, due to how vague the ending is.
Boomstick: But if we don't use Tetsuo at the end of the anime, then why do we use Uzi at the end of Murder Drones?
Wiz: That's a very good question! See, the ending of Murder Drones has Uzi fusing with Cyn, in a form where Uzi has complete control. We can see that Uzi does have control over powers that only Cyn previously had. Meanwhile, the ending of Akira is much more open to interpretation, and we don't ever get to see the powers Tetsuo may have gained from it. In short, while both “forms” are only seen at the very end of their respective series, we know much more about Uzi’s than we do Tetsuo's.
Boomstick: Yeah, and you can't scale Ego Death Tetsuo to his regular human form for a bunch of reasons. Namely, Ego Death is caused by Tetsuo getting too strong for his regular human form to handle. So, it'd be pretty disingenuous to say that regular human Tetsuo is capable of Ego Death stuff.
Wiz: That leaves the Akira Event, also known as the miniature Big Bang. It's important to point out that Esper Number 19 specifically said “Even scientists don't grasp what their calculations truly show them,” so the scientists have ironically little say in what this event truly was. In the manga, the Akira event was the action of Akira ascending beyond the Stream, which is an infinite universe.
Boomstick: Tetsuo does make one of these in his regular human form, but only while he had no control over his powers after not taking the drugs for a bit. So, him doing this in human form is out of the question. However, Ego Death makes Akira events in both anime and manga, and it is the incarnation of Tetsuo losing control over his powers. So, that's that, base form Tetsuo isn't universe level, but Ego Death Tetsuo certainly is.
Wiz: With all of that in mind, let's take a look at the main show of this fight: stats. Uzi survived the second core explosion, and should more than likely scale to her own durability through fighting Cyn. This puts Uzi's attack potency at 139 Zettatons of TNT, almost 77 times stronger than Tetsuo punching the Moon!
Boomstick: In terms of their telekinetic power, it's a little different. For Tetsuo, we don't really see him with any stronger feats than the Moon punch, but we know his telekinetic power, at its peak in his human form, should be about equal to his physical power.
Wiz: Uzi, on the other hand, can create black holes out of nothing! The biggest black hole we see in the series was created by Cyn, though Uzi fused with them so the two should be equal in power. Cyn made a black hole in the center of Earth. Comparing its size to that of the planet’s curvature, Cyn must have output 30 DUODECILLION TONS OF TNT! That's almost 17 quintillion times stronger than Tetsuo’s telekinesis!
Boomstick: Safe to say that human Tetsuo wasn't going to be matching that, but Ego Death absolutely could! Remember, Ego Death is comparable to Akira, who is beyond the Stream, so Ego Death is universe level, possibly higher! Despite that, Tetsuo is still bound to fighting on a physical plane, so if his body was destroyed, it'd still be game over. And it just so happens that Uzi has just the ability for that: null. This power can create black holes, which break things apart at the subatomic level! Not to mention that its area of effect is consistently large enough to blow holes through planets! So, with both sides having options to kill the other in one hit, it all came down to speed.
Wiz: In terms of movement speed, Tetsuo jumped to the Moon before anyone noticed, which would result in speeds 12 times faster than light. However, Uzi is far beyond regular worker drones, one of which was able to dodge a crashing spaceship! The speed of this is vague, but the spaceship likely took between two days and two weeks to go from Earth to Copper-9. Assuming a middle ground of one week and measuring just how far the drone was from the ship before he began moving, the drone must have been moving at over 44 times faster than light! This is almost 4 times faster than Tetsuo!
Wiz: So at the end of the day, Tetsuo had many advantages, being infinitely stronger in his Ego Death state is a big one. But Uzi's general statistical superiority other than that combined with her ability to destroy matter would ultimately grant her the win.
Boomstick: Tetsuo could have forty-won, but against Uzi, he just had to bite the dust.
Wiz: The winner is Uzi Doorman.
Next Time[]
Henry vs Oliver (Henry Stickmin vs Stick RPG)
Trivia[]
- Sprite Credits:
- Connections between Uzi and Tetsuo
- Both of them are teenagers (Uzi is 18-19 as confirmed multiple times, and Tetsuo is 15).
- Both possess psychic powers that allow them nearly unmatched power in their worlds. Their powers come at a dark toll though, requiring an awful substance (Oil, which is essentially drone blood, and drugs) to keep them from losing control. When deprived, their bodies begin to mutate.
- Both of their powers also delve into hypothetical physics (Uzi’s singularities and Tetsuo’s big bang).
- Both of them were at the bottom of the social hierarchy before the events of their respective media.
- In terms of actual hierarchies, they’re dead opposites, with Uzi being the daughter of someone who basically runs the city and Tetsuo being impoverished.
- Cyn and Akira are similar from Uzi and Tetsuo’s points of view, with the two of them being the strongest wielders of the power that they also possess, capable of granting them more power, at a cost.
- SHORT
- The track for this episode would be titled Absolute Ego, in reference to the Absolute Solver and Tetsuo’s state of Ego Death. Additionally, Tetsuo wants Absolute power, and Uzi has a God complex, so she has a big Ego.
- It would be a futuristic synth-wave nightcore track.
- References
- N’s line at the beginning when Tetsuo grabs him is referencing Shadow’s iconic quote from Mewtwo vs Shadow, “Oh my God I’m glowing! Why am I glowing?!”
- Uzi’s line about things getting ugly and Tetsuo’s response that they already did is a reference to Murder Drones vs Helluva Boss, a video animated by Moro.
- Uzi’s line about this being Tetsuo’s fault is a reference to Mob’s line from Mob vs Tatsumaki.
- Ego Death’s assorted voices say “LET ME TELL- HOW MUCH I HATE-” which is a reference to AM’s hate monologue from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. The voices also say “I’LL BREAK YOU ON MY OWN-” which is a reference to the same lyric from [inHuman], the background track for Cole MacGrath vs Alex Mercer.