Nostalgia Critic VS The Angry Video Game Nerd is a What-If? Death Battle pitting the Nostalgia Critic from Channel Awesome against the Angry Video Game Nerd from Cinemassacre.
| Angry Video Game Nerd vs. Nostalgia Critic | |
|---|---|
| |
| Season 1, Episode 1 | |
Vital statistics
| |
| Air date | 07/07/18. |
| Written by | W-LM27 |
| Directed by | W-LM27 |
Episode guide
| |
| Previous | Next |
| [N/A] | Emmet VS Jesse |
Description[]
Cinemassacre VS Channel Awesome! These two online behemoths battle it out to see who's anger reigns supreme!
Interlude[]
(Cue: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates)
Wiz: Pop Culture has exploded in, well, popularity over the past few years, but with all that positive energy comes many naysayers.
Boomstick: And nobody's as upset about fiction as these two 30-Somethings.
Wiz: The Nostalgia Critic, he remembers it so you don't have to.
Boomstick: And the Angry Video Game Nerd, taking you back to the past to play the games that suck ass. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Nostalgia Critic[]
Wiz: Born somewhere in Italy, a young boy grew up relatively normal. But when he got older, something began to peak his interest.
Boomstick: Cartoons, Comics, Movies, all that fictional stuff.
Wiz: But things got a bit too out of hand, as this small hobby gradually became an obsession. And one that would stick with him through his adolescence and adult life.
Boomstick: And when he realised that all the old things weren't *quite* what the rose-tinted glasses showed, he began to feel sadness, anger, but most of all - Nostalgia.
Wiz: This overwhelming power of childhood memories tainted by his adult outlook had received consciousness, in the form of the Nostalgia Critic
(Cue: The Review Must Go On - Nostalgia Critic Theme)
Wiz: Over the past decade or so, the Critic has spent it nit-picking and tearing apart some of the most heinous of old and new properties he could find.
Boomstick: Like a dog with a squeaky toy, or my ex at a fast food restaurant, NC just couldn't stop putting himself through this pain just to achieve what he thought was peace.
Wiz: However, that only made him angrier and, as such, more explosive... In more ways than one.
(Cue: One of Critic's many explosions)
Boomstick: NC's power of explosions is so strong, he can create them just by yelling! I wish I could do that...
Wiz: And I'm glad you don't. These explosions can range in size and power depending on his internal anguish. They can either blow of a single door or flatten a city. It's amazing how someone could have such a messed up mind where the smallest of things could affect him that way.
Boomstick: I dunno, Wiz, I've seen what bad parenting can do...
Wiz: ...ANYway, the Critic has more than just explosions to his advantage. He's also got an amazing plethora of gear.
Boomstick: Like his signature handgun, with seemingly infinite rounds of head-blasting and back massaging, or a proton pack equal to that of a regular Ghostbuster.
Wiz: He has an NES controller that can freeze time, several melee weapons from baseball bats to lightsabers, an Earthquake-inducing tuning fork and a "People who don't like Darkwing Duck gun".
Boomstick: However, there's one thing that trumps everything already shown, and that's his love for-
(Cue: Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas - Nostalgia Critic)
NC: "CHRISTMAASS!!!" The Planet Explodes
(Cue: F**king Love Christmas Music Video - Nostalgia Critic)
Boomstick: Holy shit!
Wiz: Once a year, the Critic can tap into the mystical powers of Christmas itself, and become the harbinger of Yuletide Massacres.
Boomstick: With his "Christmas Spirit" boost, he can create planet-destroying explosions, fly fast enough to shatter every conceivable ozone layer and is immune to tranquilisers.
Wiz: He also wields his Blade of Christmas, a sword he used to slay the Christmassian Queen, and has a 'Super Santa' form which basically turns him insane.
Boomstick: This absolute beast of a power proved he truly was the Champion of Christmas. Santa Christ would be proud...
Wiz: Who?
Boomstick: Santa Christ, y'know? Part Santa, part Jesus, likes pancakes?
Wiz: Suure...
Boomstick: And even without his Christmas Spirit, he's still REALLY strong. He can lift a giant bottle of Jägermeister, dodged a bullet while sitting down, survives several explosions, burning alive and eating a cyanide pill.
Wiz: However, this does not make him invincible. He does feel pain, he's just grown to tolerate most of it. He's a coward, opting to run away from most fights than confront them.
Boomstick: And a good death stare is sure to bring him down a peg.
Wiz: Despite all this though, his impeccable willpower and overwhelming strength make him something to remember.
NC: "I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to!"
The Angry Video Game Nerd[]
Wiz: 1988. A year most people think of when it comes to cinematic and fictional brilliance, with many enduring classics being released. However, not everything was as good as it seemed.
Boomstick: Unbeknownst to many of the general public, a horrifying beast would appear to terrorise many unsuspecting. Its name? Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde for the NES.
Wiz: The game itself wasn't very good, and anyone who used their hard-earned cash on it would be sorely disappointed. But, while most would just move on, one lone man would stand up against its corrupt power.
Boomstick: And, while this man's true name is unclear, he's adopted one that suited him fairly well - The Angry Video Game Nerd.
(Cue: The Angry Video Game Nerd - Intro Song (8Bit))
Wiz: The "Nerd" often focused on old video games, specifically those that didn't hold up well, and began to tear them a new one.
Boomstick: Starting with Castlevania II and Jekyll and Hyde, he'd slowly get to everything from R.O.B the Robot to Berenstain Bears-
Wiz: -Berenstein.
Boomstick: Whatever. He's dealt with a lot of shitty games, and as such has fairly decent willpower.
Wiz: But combating these games - in more ways than necessary - required more than just the will to do it. He needed equipment.
Boomstick: Good thing he has his NES Zapper, with the ability to see invisible creatures and the power to shoot energy blasts.
Wiz: He also has his Gloves of Power, which allow him to break stone with a single punch, a lightsaber and a plethora of other weapons.
Boomstick: Even without his gear, he still has a lot of power. Like the ability to grow to the size of a giant skyscraper!
Wiz: He has laser eyes, Sub-Zero level freezing power, can fly to the sun in seconds and can even damage foes just by using his words.
(Cue: AVGN - Ghosts n' Goblins)
Nerd: "Fuck this fuckin piece of fuckin shit, fucker game!"
Boomstick: And don't forget about his Super NES AVGN Form, which gives him a significant power boost. And, to top it all of, he can heal any wounds using the power of BEER! I knew that alcohol could fix anything!
Wiz: Uhh...
Boomstick: What?
Wiz: Nothing, nothing...
Boomstick: Okay... Well, there's still one more thing the Nerd has that gives him real strength - his insane pain tolerance. He's survived ripping out his own heart, can sleep on lava, and survives a nuclear explosion without damage.
Wiz: Okay, I've seen many insane things in my time, but this might just be it. There is NO way a normal man could survive any of that!
Boomstick: But can't he though?
Wiz: He shouldn't!
Boomstick: Eh, you science too much. Anyway, the Nerd has survived beating after beating, to the point where he gets a zenkai-like boost every time he's beaten near to death.
Wiz: Which all culminated in the day where he faced off against Death Mwauthzyx.
(Cue: Angry Video Game Nerd II: ASSimilation Soundtrack - Final Battle)
Boomstick: Death Moth zits?
Wiz: Death Mwauthzyx, a Cthulhu-like being and creator of both God and Satan, with the power to wipe out all of existence with a turn of his head.
Boomstick: WOW, that's strong. And yet, somehow, the Nerd managed to single-handedly defeat him, even as a certain someone tried to assist.
Wiz: All of that and more makes him an extremely challenging foe.
Boomstick: Extremely challenging doesn't always mean unbeatable though, as he's been hurt or beaten by a lot of things, self-inflicted or otherwise.
Wiz: He's extremely gullible, allowing smarter opponents to get a few steps ahead of him, and having his guard lowered often leads to him becoming easier to defeat.
Boomstick: Not to mention he has... err... verryy weak bowels.
Wiz: Eugh!
Boomstick: But even with those setbacks, he's still super strong.
Wiz: He's beaten the Joker in combat, can dodge point-blank pistol fire and is a surprisingly decent athlete.
Boomstick: It really is best not to underestimate "The Fucking Nerd"
(Cue: Castlevania II: Simon's Quest - Angry Video Game Nerd - Episode 1)
Nerd: "This game sucks."
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLLLLL-
Fight[]
Setting: The Nerd's House The Nerd is looking through his collection of games, trying to see what game he should look at next. He finally picks out one - a fictional Nostalgia Critic video game - and gets ready to tear into it. But before he can, however, his home's door slams open as the Nostalgia Critic enters, visibly irritated.
Critic: "NEEEERRRRD!!!"
Nerd: "The fuck do you want, jackass?!"
Critic: "Oh, you know what I want - REVENGE. You've burned me FAR too many times. First the feud, then you gave me that stupid Dragon Ball movie, and now you want to go and tarnish MY name again?! I won't stand for i-"
Nerd: "-Hey, didn't you shit-talk my movie?"
The Critic stands there in silence, realising that he did, in fact, get vengeance on the Nerd once before. With the Critic in a vulnerable state, the Nerd charges at Critic, landing a swift punch to the jaw, sending him back into a cabinet of games.
FIGHT!
(Cue: RWBY - Caffeine)
The Critic stands back up as several game cases fall to the ground. The Nerd goes in for another punch, which the Critic narrowly dodges. The Critic, seizing the opportunity, takes hold of the Nerd's arm and begins to spin him around knocking over the cabinet he crashed in, before tossing him into his television set.
Nerd: "AH SHI-"
The Nerd crashes into the wall behind him, destroying his TV in the process. After regaining his footing and finding a broken game controller on the ground, he glares at the Critic with death in his eyes.
Nerd: "You're gonna pay for that, shithead!"
Critic: "With your wallet!"
The Nerd looks back down and spots an NES Zapper. He swiftly picks it up and begins to fire at the Critic, with the blasts setting fire to whatever it hits. The Critic dodges the blasts and ducks behind the cabinet from earlier. He then grabs his handgun and proceeds to fire back at the Nerd.
Critic: "Eat lead!"
With each shot cancelling out each other, the Nerd walks towards the Critic, still shooting, while picking up a baseball bat along the way. As the Critic stands up to shoot at the Nerd again, he finds himself face to face with the grumpy gamer himself. On instinct, the Critic fires his handgun point-blank at his opponent, but the Nerd miraculously manages to dodge it. The Nerd then swings back the baseball bat.
Nerd: "Play ball, asshat!"
Critic: "I'll do you one better-"
Just before the baseball bat can hit him, however, the Critic presses "Pause" on his NES Controller, freezing time. He then takes the baseball bat from his opponent and lines it up for his next shot.
Critic: "-and play two."
While unpausing time, the Critic swings the baseball bat at the Nerd's sack, hitting him square in the balls and stunning him for enough time to get several more hits in. The Critic reels back for one more swing as he hits the Nerd in the head with enough force to send him flying into the YouTube comment section. As the Nerd gets up from falling into a "Spongebob VS Naruto" suggestion, he looks above him to see the Critic climbing down - albeit fairly cautiously. The Nerd then decides to attack the Critic WITH the comments, tossing up several of them to knock the Critic down.
The Critic manages to dodge the first few, but gets continuously hit with the next dozen, subsequently pissing him off.
Critic: Fuck- gets hit by one comment' -this- gets hit by two, one in front and one behind -fucking- gets monster combo-ed by consecutive comments, one of which saying "AVGN > NC" -SHIT!!!"
Having had enough of eating others' words, he grabs one of the comments and tosses it down towards the Nerd, while blowing up the others with a gigantic explosion. The comment sent down by the Critic narrowly misses the Nerd, as he gazes up to see the Critic jumping down, with a giant explosion behind him.
Critic: "HERE COMES CRITIC!!!"
The Critic lands next to the Nerd, pulling out the baseball bat - now on fire thanks to his explosions - and begins to swing at the Nerd. The Nerd manages to dodge each swing, before pulling a pen out of his pocket and throwing it at the Critic, knocking the baseball bat out of his hand.
Nerd: "Eat code!"
The Nerd, now hovering off the ground thanks to his flight, grabs the Critic's head and proceeds to grind it into the bottom of the webpage, creating a giant lined crater and tossing him into the side of the page, making a decent-sized crack. The Critic slumps down, with the Nerd standing above him.
Nerd: "Any last words?"
Critic: "Yes, actually."
The Critic, to the surprise of the Nerd, pulls out a tuning fork and bangs it on the ground. The Critic holds a tone to match the pitch of the tuning fork, as the site around them begins to crumble.
Nerd: "Aw come on!-"
The YouTube page shatters, leaving only the window to the Nerd's house, as the two of them fall into the abyss of the internet. The Nerd catches up to the Critic, and the two begin to clash, crashing into and through several different websites and apps along the way. Eventually, they end up in the first of many stops - the Rooster Teeth website. More specifically, the Death Battle page. The two 30-Somethings look around at their surroundings.
Nerd: "Who'd be pathetic enough to spend their lives obsessing over fictional things, like games and movies? What a bunch of-"
Critic: "Oh hey, a lightsaber!"
(Cue: Boku no Hero Academia OST - You Say Run)
The Critic, standing next to the thumbnail of "Darth Vader VS Dr Doom", steals Vader's lightsaber from inside the box. The Nerd, not wanting to be left out, jumps to the "Master Chief VS Doomguy" battle and takes MC's Energy Sword. The two clash, entering a fairly mediocre sword battle. The two slash at each other, countering the others' attacks and "accidentally" cutting a few battle thumbnails in the process, with the Nerd being pushed back for the most part. The two lock blades, their faces right against each other. The Critic, surprising the Nerd, causes an explosion sending him back.
Nerd: "AH FUC-"
The Nerd hits the wall, dazed and a little dizzy. The Critic, meanwhile, walks towards his weakened foe, when he's met with a surprise himself. The Nerd, surprised by the sudden explosion, had an explosion of his own, and one the Critic had accidentally stepped in. The Critic recoils in disgust, while the Nerd gets back up and charges at him, getting a few hits in with the Energy Sword. The Critic blocks with his lightsaber.
Critic: "HA! Got you!"
Unfortunately for him though, he placed his blade in between the two edges of the Energy Sword, allowing the Nerd to disarm him.
Nerd (In a Mocking Tone): "HA! Got YOU!"
The Critic then causes another, smaller explosion, causing the energy sword to fly off. The two then stand there silently staring at each other, before...
Critic: "You suck."
Nerd: "No, you suck."
Critic: "Well you suck more."
Nerd: "Well you suck ass."
Critic: "Says the guy who shit himself."
Nerd: "Says the guy that gets upset over a Bat Credit Ca-"
Critic: "YOU'RE DEAD!"
The Critic, enraged again, yells loud enough to explode the site, as the two tumble off into the internet again. As the two seemingly slap-fight each other, they're separated by a giant wall and fall into two separate websites. The Critic ends up on Cinemassacre, while The Nerd appears on Channel Awesome. The Nerd looks around for anything he could use, but there doesn't seem to be anything.
Nerd: "That jackass doesn't even have any weapons around here. Almost as empty as his threats-"
Just then, the Critic busts in wielding the Cinemassacre Logo - a giant chainsaw.
Nerd: "Hey, that's mine!"
Critic: "Then take it!"
The Critic swings the chainsaw around a few times, with the Nerd narrowly dodging, until the Critic manages to stab the Nerd directly in the chest, cutting him open and laughing maniacally. Then, just for fun, he tosses the Nerd up to the top of the page using the chainsaw. The Nerd falls to the main bar on the site, finding a bottle of beer. Quickly gulping it down, he miraculously heals all his wounds. He stands up, before tossing the bottle down, hitting the Critic on the head and causing him to drop the chainsaw. The Nerd then jumps down, and they crash out of the site yet again.
After a few more crashing and bashing, they fly into another, fairly cold site. The Critic manages to make his landing near their entrance, while the Nerd flies straight into a pile of snow. He manages to make his way out of the giant ball, complaining all the way.
Nerd: "Stupid-ass snow, always ruins things. Too cold... Wait..."
As the Nerd steps out into the open area, it becomes clear to him where they are. The snow, the festive tree, the giant countdown clock with a "246 Days 'Til Christmas" sign above it. And then he looks to The Critic - standing deathly still, staring down to the ground, blood and sweat dripping from him.
Critic: "It..."
Nerd: "No..."
Critic: "It... It's..."
Nerd: "Don't you fuckin' dare!..."
A giant grin emerges on the Critic's face, his eyes widened.
(Cue: Jacksfilms - A D*ck On Christmas)
Critic: "CHRIISSTMAAAASSS!!!"
He yells to the rooftops as a red and green aura envelops him, choirs of angels and devils singing in unison, his hair going from, well, non-existent to long, glowing, flowing, spiky red hair. A blade of pure joy forms in front of him, as his Christmas Spirit overwhelms him and the madness begins to take its toll.
Nerd: "Well fuck..."
The Nerd grabs his Zapper once more, as he braces to begin the fight. The Critic simply looks up to him, before the terror begins.'
Critic: "Merry Christmas... YA FILTHY ANIMAL!!!"
The Critic, practically a Super Saiyan, flies at the Nerd at Super Sonic Speeds. The Nerd fires his Zapper, but it's no use as the overwhelming joy protects the Critic from harm. The Critic crashes into the Nerd, before "coming to town" on him. Knocking him against anything, throwing him left, right and centre, the Critic is close to practically breaking every bone in the Nerd's body and manages to decimate both his and the Nerd's glasses. The Nerd, falling down after being flung around for potential miles, pulls off one more shot at the Critic, who simply turns the blast into a candy cane and eats it whole.
Nerd: "Ohh no..."
Critic: "OHH YEEESSS!"
The area around the two completely combusts as the Critic lets loose a Planet-Sized Explosion, destroying the entire site. As the Nerd floats through the emptiness of the internet, the Critic jumps off of a piece of debris and charges what can only be described as a "Christmas Kamehameha".
Critic (To the tune of "Tis the Season"): "~Falalalala. Lala. La. LA!!!~"
Nerd: "Jesus Chri-oh wait-"
The Critic fires the blast, enveloping the Nerd whole and sending him all the way back to where they began - The Nerd's House, now completely enveloped in flames. The Nerd, broken and covered in his own blood, struggles to get back up to his feet before eventually falling back down. The Critic floats over to the Nerd, ready to finish him off.
Critic: "The power of Christmas COMPELLS YOU!"
Nerd: "But... But it's April..."
The Critic then turns to a burning calendar on the wall, to show that it was, in fact, April. The truth hits so hard his Christmas Spirit form disappears in smoke.
Critic: "Aww..."
(Cue: ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD Epic Orchestral Theme)
The Nerd, still severely injured, manages to find a half-full bottle of beer. He drinks it, only restoring him partially. Just as he does, a strange flow of electricity appears between him and his NES Accessories. Gaining more and more strength, he finally manages to stand up, crushing the bottle with his bare hands - making them bleed, naturally. The Critic snaps out of his Christmas less Induced State of Trance, but it's too late as the Nerd powers up to his Super NES Angry Video Game Nerd form.
Critic: "Mine was coole-UGH!"
The Critic's quip is cut short by a punch to the nuts as the Nerd is back up and ready for fighting. The Critic desperately tries to block and defend himself, but the speed and strength of the Nerd are far too overwhelming. Backed into a corner, the Critic has only one last thing up his sleeve.
Nerd: "Suck it, asshole!"
Critic: "Do you... really think... you've won..?"
Nerd: "Uh, yeah. I kicked your ass."
Critic: chuckles "Oh, not yet..."
The Critic's eyes glow white, as a powerful aura surrounds him. Using all his remaining strength, he would create an explosion with enough power to surely destroy the Nerd once and for all - in a manner similar to that of Vegeta's Final Explosion. The aura sends the Nerd back, almost as strong as an explosion itself.
Critic: "REMEMBER ME IN HELL, PUNK!!"
The Nerd manages to hold back the aura-explosion, as he grabs an SNES Super Scope, and begins to charge it. The Critic continues to fire explosion after explosion, trying to both charge his last blast and weaken or kill the Nerd without killing himself. The Nerd, with the Super Scope charged up, prepares to pull the trigger.
Nerd: "Remember THIS, bitch!"
The Nerd fires, adding on his own laser vision to the blast as the beam flies towards the Critic. With no options left, the Critic unleashes his full force - a mountain-level explosion heard for miles. The explosion and the beam struggle against each other, with neither combatant willing to give up. But despite the Critic's best attempts, the Nerd's beam pierces through the wall of explosions, hitting the Critic full force. As he sees his body melt away, the defenceless Critic screams to the heavens, echoing around the vicinity...
Critic: "N... Neh... NEEEEEEERRRRRRRDDDDD!!!..."
As the dust clears, a lone man is left within the crater remains of wherever he once lived. His gear crumbles off him, as he takes a victory swig of alcohol.
Nerd: "Fuck that guy."
KO
The Nerd is surrounded by piles of beer bottles, drinking away his pains figuratively and literally. Meanwhile, the Critic's hat floats through the air... also it's on fire.
Analysis/Results[]
(Cue: The Avengers Theme)
Boomstick: Damn.
Wiz: Both combatants displayed an impressive amount of skill, but the Nerd's power won the battle.
Boomstick: AVGN and NC were close to equal when it comes to regular speed, with the Nerd winning by a narrow margin. However, most everything the Nerd had was stronger than the Critic.
Wiz: While the Critic did have an advantage when it came to normal lifting and striking strength, the Nerd makes up for that with his gear. And the average Critic's city-sized explosions wouldn't do much to the Nerd, who's survived much worse than that.
Boomstick: "But Boomstick, wouldn't Critic's Christmas Spirit give him enough power to decimate the Nerd?"
Wiz: While his Christmas boost DOES give him a significant edge in every other category, the Nerd has survived enough to where the Critic's strongest attacks in that form would be minor at best.
Boomstick: Not to mention that said Christmas Spirit can only come out when Christmas is near enough, so 90% of the time that's not gonna be the case.
Wiz: It would only be a matter of time before the Critic exhausted himself, giving the Nerd the opportunity to strike.
Boomstick: In the end, going in a fight against the Nerd was the Nostalgia Critic's critical failure.
Wiz: The winner is the Angry Video Game Nerd.
Trivia[]
- This is W-LM27's first battle on the wiki.
- The link between the two combatants is that they're internet personalities focused on pop culture and, more specifically, angry reactions to it.
- There are several references in the "episode"
- The terms "Super Santa" and "Champion of Christmas" are references to TeamFourStar's Dragon Ball Z Abridged. "Plan to Eradicate Christmas" for the former, and "Lord Slug Abridged" for the latter.
- In the AVGN rundown, the mention of the "Berenstain/Berenstein Bears" is in reference to the popular theory concerning the name.
- The part of the fight where the Critic sends the Nerd into the comments is a reference to when Dante Basco did the same thing to the Critic in his "Top 11 Best Avatar Episodes" episode.
- During the 'Word Battle' segment of the fight, the AVGN brings up a "Bat Credit Card". This is in reference to the scene in "Batman & Robin" where it's first revealed, and the resulting meltdown the Critic had.