| A Professor and a Communist walk into a bar... | |
|---|---|
| Air date | TBA |
| Written by | Professor Mewtwo and RohgeKiller |
| Episode guide | |
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Professor Mewtwo vs. RohgeKiller is a What-If? Death Battle created by and featuring Professor Mewtwo and RohgeKiller.
Description[]
Professor Mewtwo vs. RohgeKiller! Two writers turned fighters with a reputation for over-the-top action and nonsense. Can the Master of Gifs vanquish the Master of Walls or will the Professor be crushed under the might of Soviet Russia?
Disclaimer: This is your last chance to leave before things get really weird.
Trailer[]
Interlude[]
Wiz: Professor Mewtwo, the world-wandering Master of Gifs.
Boomstick: RohgeKiller, the Soviet-powered Master of Walls.
Wiz: The Death Battle Fanon is home to writers with many different styles, but none posses a greater combination of imagination and determination than these two brilliant yet bizarre bringers of Death Battles.
Boomstick: But now these two are taking their hands off the keyboard and using them to duke against one another. You might want to hold on to your seats for this one! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle!
Professor Mewtwo[]
Mewtwo: So you wish to learn the legend that is Professor Mewtwo? (*Overcompensating laugh*) Prepare yourself for this three hour documentary covering my greatness. It all started way waaay back in the year-
Boomstick: What the!? How did you get in here!
Popup: Heads up, Professor Mewtwo is a fourth-wall breaker. Oh… I guess you already knew that.
Mewtwo: The back door next to the dumpster full of dead interns.
Wiz: Could you just let us do our job?
Mewtwo: Hey, it’s my own analysis! I should be allowed to pitch in every now and then!
Boomstick: Fine. As long as it ain’t Deadpool, I’m ok with it.
Wiz: Anyways, Professor Exl Mewtwo was born just north of the Middle of Nowhere, USA. His life wasn’t all that great being socially awkward and prone to bullying.
Boomstick: You know you’ve had it rough that bullying goes on for years starting with getting ganged up on in Kindergarten and being framed for starting the fight all the way to being socially outcast and bullied in High School by a furry of all things.
Mewtwo: I thought I told you people not to mention the furry!
Wiz: Left all alone, the young Mewtwo entertained himself with the thoughts in his head and the many fictional worlds he had seen in TV and Video Games. He imagined living a better life in those fictional worlds, but the more he imagined the stronger his thoughts became.
Mewtwo: My big brain thoughts were so strong that I could image those worlds to impossibly precise details, and somehow that gave me psychic powers that let me open portals to those worlds. Now that I got my second chance, I dived into the multiverse to live the thrilling life I’ve always dreamed of.
Wiz: Unfortunately, reality, no matter which universe it’s in, is often disappointing.
Mewtwo: Yup, it’s not all sunshine and lollipops, except for that sunny universe filled with lollipup people. Then again they satanists armed with chainsaws…
Boomstick: Sounds like a wacky over-the-top adventure which is a typical Monday for this dimension-hopping maniac. There may not be a place Professor Mewtwo truly belongs to, but whenever he arrives the whole world is turned upside down. And I’m not just talking metaphorically, his presence literally increases the amount of chaos that happens.
Wiz: You see every universe has a predetermined destiny where every factor within it is accounted for. However, since Professor Mewtwo is not from those universes, he became the unaccountable factor that can create an infinite amount of timelines from his own actions. This singularity manifests itself as a form of cosmic energy that radiates from Mewtwo and cannot be contained or controlled, not even by Mewtwo himself.
Mewtwo: I call it my Anti-Plot Aura because it’s basically an F U to Plot Armors. It affects pretty much everything around me causing random fluctuations that drastically alter the course of destiny for the sake of making things go chaotic. The Anti-Plot Aura also undoes predetermined events like fates and prophecies meaning there is no guarantee on what will happen while I’m around. But to be honest, it’s not a blessing. More of a double-edged sword really.
Wiz: As the Aura is chaos by nature, it will cause events that either benefit or determine Mewtwo at the most random moments possible. In short, it’s extreme luck both good and bad.
Boomstick: The latter luck seems to be the more common one. Take for example, the first few trips that all ended in near death experiences. After one particular experience involving 300 tonnes of C-4, a cyborg Poodle, and… Nazi Cheese?
Mewtwo: Don’t ask.
Boomstick: Professor Mewtwo was blasted into one of his own portals and crash landed in Cerulean Cave where he met the real Mewtwo. Normally, the Genetic Pokémon would straight up murder anyone who got near him, but in the most unlikely turn of events, Mewtwo took a liking to Mewtwo.
Wiz: The Pokémon took a liking to the human, or the human took a liking to the Pokémon?
Boomstick: Yes.
Mewtwo: Since we were both loners with psychic powers, and the fact that I was the first person to ask for his autograph, the not-me Mewtwo trained me so I could control my powers, and have a better chance of surviving future adventures.
Wiz: First time I’ve heard of a Pokémon training a human.
Boomstick: It is a “Psychic” Pokémon after all. That’s basically a super smart Pokémon.
Mewtwo: What he said.
Popup: Professor Mewtwo is a skilled Pokémon Trainer who has successfully completed the Pokédex and won the Champions Tournament. However, he does not use his Pokémon outside of Pokémon Battles as he does not want them to get hurt in his personal affairs.
Wiz: Through this unorthodox training Professor Mewtwo honed his psychic powers which he expresses with several powerful abilities. He can telekinetically lift objects, levitate in the air, create force fields to protect himself or trap others, and create astral projection to communicate with others from across the multiverse.
Boomstick: Mere parlor tricks compared to the real stuff like he can concentrate that psychic energy into destructive power. By concentrating it into his hands, Professor Mewtwo can forge an array of weaponry including swords, scythes, hammers, giant fists that surround his little fists, and my personal favorite the handgun.
Mewtwo: You ever hold your hands out and pretend to be firing real guns. Well I don’t pretend. My finger pistols fire actual bullets of psychic energy that are more powerful than any puny metal bullet. I love to take down hordes of enemies with rapid fire strikes, but if push comes to shove I can go Mega Buster mode and charge up energy for a super powered blast that leaves nothing in its wake. And then there is my Psychic Explosion, where I concentrate on a target so hard that they spontaneously combust into flames, it's mostly used for stress relief though I do it's a guaranteed kill if I get enough time to pull it off.
Boomstick: Stress relief? Are you referring to that one Italian girl you killed across multiple timelines?
Mewtwo: Trust me, the Miraculous fanbase is thankful for that.
Wiz: And surprisingly, it gets even deadlier. Professor Mewtwo’s psychic prowess is so incredible that it can warp the fabric of reality itself. By spending massive amounts of psychic energy he can use Overwrite an attack that literally “overwrites” events so that the outcome is completely different from whatever is expected, such as the time he used it on Yoel Jun and shorted his time freeze ability from three minutes to three nanoseconds.
Boomstick: Sure, that kind of power makes Mewtwo sound invincible, but his brain can only produce so much psychic energy and if he overuses it, he’ll be left mentally exhausted. Don’t worry though, Professor Mewtwo can always reverse the flow of his psychic energy to absorb energy and replenish his supply.
Mewtwo: It’s kind of like a PK Magnet, and it makes no exceptions either. Natural elements, ki, magic, other psychic energies, whatever the fifth thing is I can absorb it all. Just slap on a blond wig, and I could be the next Captain Marvel.
Wiz: Still psychic powers can only go so far which is why Professor Mewtwo has made a habit of picking up new equipment in the many worlds he visits, and he manages to store it inside pocket dimensions he accesses using his portals.
Boomstick: He’s no stranger to standard swords and firearms, but his personal favorite weapon is Silver Moon, a crescent blade forged on Remnant and upgraded by several of fiction's greatest blacksmiths. A good swing from this baby can easily slice someone’s head clean off, and it gets deadlier when one of its three built-in Materias that imbue the blade with fire, ice, and electricity. Plus it can be thrown like a boomerang to mow down armies like grass on a lawn.
Mewtwo: I also like to carry around more explosives than the Demoman and Junkrat combined. The giant nukes and rocket launchers are always a classic, although my preferred choice are the Bomb-Ombs from SMG4’s universe because they can do this.
Professor Mewtwo takes out a Bomb-Omb and hurls it. Wiz and Boomstick duck out of the way in time and the Bomb-Omb bumps into DUMMI instead.
Bomb-Omb: My main goal is to blow up.
DUMMI: What a coincidence. My main goal is to get blown up.
The Bomb-Omb explodes and makes DUMMI blow up.
Boomstick: Hehe, I love it when DUMMI gets hurt.
Wiz: I’m surprised you find THAT weapon amusing when you have the arm of Peanut Butter which creates explosions so massive they can reach the moon and the Sandal of Jesus Christ, a legendary artifact containing enough holiness to kill 657 prostitutes in a single att- OK WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS SH*T!?
Mewtwo: I assure you everything in that script is true.
Roshi: I can vouch for him.
Mewtwo: We’re not done yet. I’m a huge fan of card games and my love for it led to me weaponizing my favorite card game Cardfight Vanguard! It’s the reason I base my sexy looks after Ren Suzugamori, plus red and black is an edgy color combo. When I’m not throwing my Vanguard cards like shurikens filled with psychic energy, I can activate their abilities for unpredictable power plays.
Wiz: Most notably Shirayuki can reduce enemy power, Leaf Mirage can nullify a single strike, and the deadly trio of Left Arrester, Right Arrester, and Zanbaku can completely paralyze an opponent in exchange for a high energy cost.
Popup: Aside from Murakumo decks, Professor Mewtwo is also skilled in using Tachikaze, Dark Irregulars, and Dark States decks.
Boomstick: And thanks to a magic arrow he stole from DIO, he has a Stand named Paramore. It’s intangible and invulnerable to non-Stand users, but it’s real power lies in the ability to make clones of anything it touches. Granted, there is some nerfing as the clones are pretty fragile and anything that happens to the original will happen to them too.
Mewtwo: Everybody loves a good JoJo reference, and if they don’t (*takes out shotgun*) pray to God I never find out where you live.
Boomstick: Of course, there is one ability Mewtwo has that we can’t forget: the power of gifs!
Mewtwo: Ha haa! Good call saving my signature ability for last!
Wiz: Traveling the multiverse has presented Mewtwo with mind-blowing sights and he figured that the best way to share those sights would be to capture those events and rebroadcast them on a physical plane of existence, and with his psychic prowess, it’s entirely possible.
Boomstick: Mewtwo can store events into his mind and project them into reality like a 3D movie, that’s actually 3D. These gifs may last only a few seconds, but a few seconds is all that's needed to unleash massive explosions, laser beams, deadly memes, and anything else he committed to memory. How does the f*ck does he even do this?
Mewtwo: I have mastered the ways of ezgif.com, that’s how.
Boomstick: …Whatever you say, man. Your powers can get weird sometimes, yet they have led to some pretty bada$$ during your adventures, such as defeating one of the strongest beings in the Vanguard universe: Zeroth Dragon of Zenith Peak, Ultima. What a mouthful.
Wiz: Ultima is no joke. He is a weapon of mass destruction with unfathomable power. Another Zeroth Dragon, Meggido, could sink a continent and they are both likely superior to Meteokaiser, Victoplasma who destroyed a planet in a single swing.
Mewtwo: I’ve had my fair share of planet busting too you know. Sometimes a wind up in some evil version of Earth where all the heroes are dead and the bad guy reigns supreme. What do I do about it you ask? I just find fun ways to wipe those Earths off the face of itself . There are so many unique ways to do that I made a book about it. Remember to grab your own copy of 101 Ways To Destroy A Planet, available at the Barnes & Noble in El Dorado for eleventy ninety-nine.
Wiz: We need to stop allowing sponsorship.
Boomstick: At least making planets blow up isn’t Mewtwo’s only for fighting evil. He’s teamed up with iconic heroes to stop threats to the multiverse like Dimentio and Galeem, forced SMG4 and Perfect Cell to shorten their fight before it got out of proportion, and even outsmarted the most vile person in existence: Deadpool.
Mewtwo: High five to anyone who remembers Deadpool vs Eric Andre.
Wiz: Professor Mewtwo has accomplished a lot for someone who seemed destined to be the eternal loser. He may not have found out where he belonged, but his dimension-hopping adventures have made him something of a legend who managed to get his own museum in Metropolis, full of the many artifacts he’s picked up over the years. Mewtwo even found friends to help him overcome his loneliness and aid him on many wild adventures.
Mewtwo: My closest friend, Kuro, has been my most reliable backup, though we like to compete against each other on occasion. We’re basically an even match which is impressive since he once ran from the central US to Australia in under 30 seconds to get an early copy of Pokémon Legends Arceus. That kind of speed requires moving over 1470 times the speed of sound. You need that kind of speed in order to dodge point-blank laser fire and swing your leg so fast it kicks someone into the moon, which I can also do.
Wiz: It honestly feels like you can do just about anything. Too bad that despite suffering many mishaps, you still tend to be rather cocky and fail to think things through sometimes. This typically leads to causing trouble that throws worlds off balance. Guess it can’t be helped when you’re a living embodiment of chaos.
Mewtwo: I do question whether what I’m doing is right sometimes, but it’s nothing ice cream can’t help me cope with.
Boomstick: Oh, and don’t you also go into a berserker rage when you hear your least favorite song. You know the one that goes: “♪The sun will come out, to- ♪”
Professor Mewtwo launches a psychic bullet that barely misses Boomstick’s head.
Mewtwo: That was the warning shot! Next time, I won't miss!
Boomstick: Got it…
Wiz: It may not all make sense, but for a man who has seen it all it doesn’t have to. Truly there is no better combination of brilliance, craziness, and epicness than that of Professor Mewtwo.
Boomstick: Hey, how did you become a Professor anyways?
Mewtwo: Well this scene only has a couple seconds left, but I’ll tell you. It all started when-
RohgeKiller[]
Wiz: The year was 1945. The end of the second World War was drawing near as allied forces closed in on the remaining German fronts. At the head of one of the advancing nations was the Leader of Soviet Russia, Joseph Stalin, who vowed to envelop all of western Europe under the Iron Curtain.
Boomstick: And once all that nasty business with a certain mustached man was taken care of, there appeared to be little that could stop the might of the Communist nation.
Wiz: Until an out of control, intoxicated alien crashed his spaceship right into the Premier Stalin, and, because he couldn’t leave well enough alone, decided to possess the communist leader's body and assume his identity. It was then that-
Boomstick: Imma stop you right there, Wiz. These characters are getting ridiculous. A high as hell alien took over the body of one of the worst dictators in human history? You can’t convince me the creator of this wasn’t also high.
Background[]
- Alias: Rohge, Rouge, Rooge, Rug, Stalin (assumed identity)
- Age: Unknown
- Race: Unknown, Martian
- Occupation: Supreme Leader of Soviet Russia, Ruler of all known 7-11s
- Doesn't understand what Communism is, but supports it anyway
Wiz: Well it doesn’t get any less stranger from here. This being, whose species names are almost untranslatable, was sent to Earth by his people with the intention of conquering it and turning it into their new home. There was just one tiny problem…
Boomstick: He’s a fucking idiot.
Wiz: At least by his own species standards, yes.
Boomstick: To humans… well, he’s still dumb but he could pass for a Tik Tok user. I mean, he had one mission: take over the entire world. But he decided to stop in Russia and just… kinda chill there.
Wiz: After effectively walling off most of the nation by literally building a giant wall around the entirety of its perimeter-
Boomstick: Not sure if a certain presidential joke is appropriate here…
Wiz: Rohge became the Leader of Russia, if only because no one had the courage to challenge an overly eccentric and violent alien inhabiting the body of their former supreme leader. Despite not knowing a thing about communism or even how human politics work, he somehow managed to keep the nation from collapsing and even closed all the gulags.
Boomstick: I guess it was the least he could do considering his mere presence caused entire nations to almost start WW3. Who'd have thought people would freak out upon hearing that a crazed alien was now in charge of the worlds largest nuclear arsenal at the time. No wonder the world went out of its way to try and boot him off.
Wiz: And it's all made even stranger when you realize that the majority of his defensive strategies for protecting his new nation revolve around building giant walls between him and his opponents.
Weapons and Abilities[]
- Marxmen
- Duel Pistols
- Communist Eye Beams
- Fairly small in comparison to his eyes
- Can be amplified
- Superhuman Strength
- Superhuman Speed
- Dance Break
- Anyone in a 3 mile radius dances with him for no apparent reason
- Can dance for hours on end if no one stops him
- Random Bullshit
- Throws anything from chairs to human shields
- Invincibility
- If the Soviet Anthem is playing in the background, he becomes completely invincible until the song ends.
- Pray he never finds a 10 hour version
Boomstick: We’re not joking. Almost everything he does involves walls. His guns: They shoot walls. His swords: Are just walls on sticks. If he needs to throw something, he throws a wall. I seriously can’t understand how this guy became leader of anything.
Popup: The walls he builds are compiled of whatever material lies around, so their strength varies.
Boomstick: You'd think this wouldn't be much of a problem for the modern world, given the amount of tanks and heavy artillery that most armies possess.
Wiz: But despite that fact, it somehow worked. The world literally threw everything at him and yet his ‘’wall based’’ strategy prevented multiple invasions from both other counties and even his own people, once they realized he wasn't going to take over the world himself. By just building so many different barriers between him and his opponents, Rohge forced entire wars to stop just because his opponents got tired of constantly tearing his defenses down, only for him to build more.
Walls[]
- Sizes Vary
- All can be used as shields or projectiles
- Wooden Wall
- Mud Wall
- Brick Wall
- Steel Barred Wall
- Tungsten Wall
- Titanium Wall
- Some can be outfitted with cannons
- Clear Glass Wall
- Specifically for fighting birds
- He watched Birdemic and got really paranoid
- Bomb Shelter Walls
- F I N A L Walls
- Can be seen from space
- Can ''supposedly'' withstand nuclear warfare
- Has never been tested
Boomstick: And oh boy, eat your heart out Bob the Builder, because this guy can build for days. Stone walls, steel walls, walls rigged with dynamite, cannon mounted walls and even literally walls of fire. But his greatest creations are the ones that cemented him as a complete and utter loon… the Final Walls.
Wiz: Built with the explicit purpose of defending Russia from all out nuclear war. And while not properly tested, it's hypothesized that they can withstand the might of an all out nuclear war. If we were to take that at face value, the output required to wipe out a country the size of Russia would round out to about 15,00 warheads, or 3 billion tons of TNT. That's… extremely unlikely even for this guy to accomplish, but he did manage to build one wall that halted a 10.5 megaton explosion, so I suppose its not entirely impossible.
Boomstick: How he does this is really anyone's guess, but imma chock it up to some alien equivalent of toon force.
Wiz: That’s not too bad of an assumption, seeing as he can build massive structures made of anything from rocks to titanium in a matter of moments without breaking a sweat. The laws of reality are somewhat warped when he's around.
Popup: More complex walls take more time, meaning he needs both room and time to prepare them.
Boomstick: But if his opponents managed to get in close, or just fly over the walls because he apparently doesn’t believe in ceilings, he can utilize even stranger weaponry. Aside from a pair of pistols that he named after an ideology he still doesn’t understand, he can fire lasers from eyes powerful enough to destroy solid brick.
Strength[]
- Beyond Peak Human Strength
Durability[]
- Comparable to the walls be builds
- Rubbery body is build for punishment
- Bomb Shelter Walls withstood a 10.5 Megaton Bomb
Speed[]
- Deceptively fast
- Can react to his own lasers
- Builds his own walls within minutes
Intelligence[]
- Offense and Defense is very WALL based
- ''Somewhat'' Competent Military Strategist
- Successfully monopolized 7-11
Popup: It's been hypothesized that the strength of his attacks correlates with his patriotism. Hence why he fights harder when his nation is in danger.
Wiz: Though admittedly quite small, these lasers are his primary weapon for anyone he can’t defeat physically. Up close, he isn't much to fear. He did take over the body of an aging dictator after all, but he's durable enough to fight multiple armed soldiers at once thanks to his rubbery body. Indirect hits will usually bounce right off him, but should he find himself completely outnumbered, he can use his reality bending abilities to ''command'' anyone around him to dance uncontrollably.
Boomstick: I like to call it The Red Fever.
Wiz: But thats not even the weirdest thing about him. Having become wrapped up in the idea of Socialist Communism, despite, again, not knowing what it is, if someone decides to play the Soviet National Anthem around him... he becomes completely invincible for its entire duration.
Boomstick: I'm drawing the line there Wiz. You seriously expect me to believe that THIS guy is the leader of Russia? A bumbling, dancing, 7-11 obsessed fool? I can accept a lot of dumb things, but this is where my patience dies. What's next? You're gonna tell me he’s survived multiple assassination's attempts, a leisure walk through a battlefield, held back an invading force from a literal Martian armada and defeated the reborn Mechahitler on two separate occasions?
Wiz:...
Boomstick: I quit.
Wiz: Patriotic, Passionate, and completely confused by the idea of roofs, Rohge had accomplished almost all of what he wanted. Despite practically holding the world hostage with his antics, Rohge is still beloved and seen as relatively harmless, just wanting to watch over the people who reluctantly welcomed him onto the planet. Behind his childish escapades lies a being who only wanted to be loved for who he was, something that even his own species couldn’t give him.
Boomstick: I still don’t like him. But I’ll give him this, at least he doesn’t have a Super Saiyan form like every other terrible original character.
Wiz: Well, actually…
Boomstick: I quit. Again.
Wiz: During the Martian invasion of Earth where not even his most powerful walls could stop the alien invaders, Rohge absorbed the ‘’ethereal’’ patriotism of the world. Giving his usually rubbery body a major overhaul.
Boomstick: It’s like what people who don’t take steroids think steroids actually do to the body. It made him the single buffest man alive. Every punch generates massive amounts of energy, to the point that the U.S mistook his blows for mini-warheads, and each attack only makes him stronger. He ran so fast that he crossed Russia, longways, its under a minute.
Wiz: That checks in at 437 times the speed of sound. And, assuming he does absolutely nothing but dominate his opponents, like he did by leaping from UFO to UFO, eventually making it to Mars, he can exude enough energy to destroy Mars in a single punch.
Boomstick: That’s over 50 Zettatons of TNT. And I here I thought this guy was just another run-of-the-mill, Jar Jar rip-off.
Feats[]
- Won the ‘’Slightly better leader than the actual Stalin’’ award
- Genuinely tried to be a good leader
- Survived multiple coups
- Successfully defended Russia from Martians
- Defeated MechaHitler, twice
- Build walls strong enough to counter Nuclear offensives
Faults[]
- Has never won a single war
- Though has never lost one either
- Flying opponents can bypass most walls
- Isn't all that intelligent
- ''Wall based'' strategy is pretty much all he has
Wiz: Yes, Rohge is VERY strange indeed, and its not worth questioning how exactly he does everything he does. But if there is one thing you can count on, its that he is his own worst enemy. He has an extraordinary lack of common sense who someone who was originally supposed to take over the world.
Boomstick: It should come as no surprise that the same being that wasted billions on buying every 7-11 in the world isn’t really all there. To this day he still has no idea what Communism is despite claiming he supports it, and didn’t even realize he was in a war until it was over. He’s either ignorantly blissful, or blissfully ignorant.
Wiz: And despite his strangely powerful arsenal, he prefers to simply build barriers between him and his problems and just leave it at that. His entire strategy, while effective, is almost entirely defensive and relies on frustrating the opponent and baiting them into making mistakes. If facing a clever foe who doesn’t fall for his tactics or someone with an overwhelming offense, he may struggle to gain any ground.
Boomstick: And physically, he really isn’t much. If his body wasn’t so rubbery he’d have been killed years ago. But I guess if there was really any real problem with him, he would have been killed, or at the very least run out of town. For all his stupidity, he does at least try to be a good leader. He destroyed all the gulags, passed civil rights laws, tried to make sure everyone was happy and even if the world is still kinda freaked out by him, its not like he went out of his way to start any wars. He genuinely just wants to have fun... Maybe I've been a bit harsh on him.
Wiz: Did I mention he once tried to ban any and all alcohol?
Boomstick: Nevermind. Fuck this guy!
Intermission[]
Pre-Fight[]
FIGHT![]
Results[]
Wiz: The winner is...
Music/Soundtrack[]
Trivia[]
- This is being co-written by both Professor Mewtwo and RohgeKiller
- The Soundtrack name, ''The GIF-t of Communism'' is a reference to Mewtwo's propensity for making Gifs for the fanon, and Rohge being a ''Supposed Communist'', as dubbed by Mewtwo himself in SMG4 vs. DevilArtemis Cell
- There will be User Cameos at some point.
Mewtwo's Test
Rohge's Test