Batman vs The Green Goblin (Detective Comics VS Marvel Comics)

Description[]

DC VS Marvel! Two phantoms of the night take one another on in a battle to the finish! Will the Green Goblin be brought to justice, or will Batman meet his pumpkin-themed doom?

Introduction[]

Wiz: Batman, DC Comics' Caped Crusader.

Boomstick: And the Green Goblin, Spider-Man's viridian villain!

Wiz: These two billionaires take on the visage of phantoms of the night, but they use it for opposite means.

Boomstick: So, if they ever met, the obvious choice would be for them to fight! Cliche? Yeah. Do we care? Nope!

Wiz: I'm Wizard-

Boomstick: And I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win.. a Death Battle!

Batman[]

Boomstick: Stop me if you've heard this one before- two parents walk their kid down an alley, get mugged and friggin' die!

Wiz: While that is the abridged version, many know this as the night billionaires Thomas and Martha Wayne were gunned down in Gotham City's Park Row- now named Crime Alley.

Boomstick: Gotham was always kind of a cesspit- I mean, it's in New Jersey, for cryin' out loud- but the death of those socialites pushed the broke folks with guns over the edge!

Wiz: Gotham turned from a once slightly normal town to one of the most dangerous places not just in America, but in the world.

Boomstick: And there was just too much- goin' by the book, the police couldn't do diddly squat!

Wiz: Gotham needed a hero. Someone reliable, who could operate effectively without interference from corruption.

Boomstick: Remember Tommy and Mart's aforementioned kiddo? Well, that was Bruce Wayne! And he inherited the Wayne fortune. Like Andrew Tate!

Wiz: What?

Boomstick: Shut it, wagey! Anyway, young Bruce went on a global excursion trip and learned every. Single. Martial art. Ever.

Wiz: When he returned, he spent his billions building equipment and gadgets to fight a one-man war on crime- with assistance from the police when he needed it. Remembering childhood trauma regarding bats, he donned a disguise and went to fight crime...

Boomstick: As the goddamn Batman!

Wiz: Combined with his aforementioned martial arts mastery, Batman is highly skilled in boxing thanks to the golden-age hero Wildcat.

Boomstick: He wears a badass super-suit that's lined with an altered Kevlar! Bullets basically do nothing!

Wiz: His assortment of gadgets contains grappling hooks, smoke pellets, tear gas, grenades, and an assortment of bat-shaped throwing stars, commonly known as Batarangs.

Boomstick: He's got sharp Batarangs, explosive Batarangs, gas Batarangs, flashbang Batarangs, tracking Batarangs, magnet Batarangs- he's got a lot of Batarangs.

Wiz: And this isn't getting started on his countless vehicles-

Boomstick: WIZ REMEMBER WHAT WE SAID-

Wiz: Fine... take it away.

Boomstick: Batman has a lot of freakin' rad rides. His Batmobile he cruises the streets with is armed to the frickin' teeth! It's got missile launchers, mounted guns, riot suppressors, oil dispensers, the whole damn nine! And his Batwing can take to the skies, but it mostly has the stuff the Batmobile has, similarly to the Batblade, his bike. Awesome name, by the way.

Wiz: The vehicles can reach maximums of Mach 1 speeds. But he's not all gadgets. He's got a lot of impressive feats under his utility belt. He's survived being shot, stabbed, blown up, impaled, and can lift upwards of 2,500 pounds. He's dodged bullets and missiles, and even lasers. This would make him faster than light! Batman's also survived skyscrapers falling on his head. Batman's also repurposed many of his enemies' weapons, such as Scarecrow's fear toxin which he used to make Aquaman afraid of water.

Boomstick: Batman is a master of stealth, similar to me after I drink my vodka martini shaken not stirred. He's regularly able to sneak up on Superman. You know, the guy who can hear heartbeats from across the universe?

Wiz: Batman has trained and honed his senses to an absurd level, being able to smell pheromones to see an opponent's emotion. He can literally smell fear. And he's incredibly smart- he's constructed multiple suits that can battle cosmic threats.

Boomstick: Awesome.

Wiz: But Batman has one glaring weakness- he will never kill. Anyone. No matter how evil, how utterly despicable, he will never take a life. Never stoop to that level. Because once he goes there, he'll never come back.

Boomstick: But if you're a would-be criminal, and you see a shadow in the night sky, run like hell.

Vigilante: But why endure this lone crusade, fight a fight you just can't win? If asked, the Bat would tell you- "Someone's gotta stand up to all this sin."

Green Goblin[]

Wiz: Norman Osborn's father was not a good man.

Boomstick: Tell me about it.

Wiz: When Norman was just a boy, his father dumped the family fortune down the drain and blamed it on the people around him. Determined not to end up like his father, Norman worked and worked.

Boomstick: He married his college girlfriend and had a kid named Harry. But when he founded his company Oscorp, he had a run-in with... Satan! Y'know, just like meeting a guy on the street.

Wiz: Mephistopheles, actually. The dealmaker appeared before him and made him an offer. Guaranteed success for the soul of young Harry.

Boomstick: Being a huge power-hungry dick, Norman agreed. I guess all men become their fathers... am I gonna leave my kids?

Wiz: Mephisto made good on his deal. His business partner was arrested on charges of embezzlement, and Norman was free to run the company as he intended. Going over his partner's notes, he discovered a formula which would enhance his physical attributes. He created the formula but a resentful Harry switched the chemicals.

Boomstick: This caused the formula to blow up in Norman's face. Literally. But then he went insane and tried to take over the gangs in New York. Ah, the good old days.

Wiz: The explosion dropped him into a slow spiral into insanity. Becoming the supervillain known as the Green Goblin, he tangled with Spider-Man numerous times and was responsible for the death of his then-girlfriend, Gwen Stacy.

Boomstick: The movie still did that moment dirty.

Wiz: Eventually Goblin and Norman became seperate personalities, dueling for control of the body. But despite his mental stability- or lack thereof- the Goblin is a forced to be reckoned with.

Boomstick: His Goblin Formula enhances his strength, speed and agility to a level comparable to that of Spider-Man, who's capable of taking jaws clean off in a single punch. He's been shown to lift over 9 tons! But let's talk about his gadgets! He. Has. BOMBS! So many types of bombs! Explosive bombs, gas bombs, stun bombs and glue bombs! He can also zap you with his finger lasers!

Wiz: And let's not forget his signature weapon and method of transportation- the Goblin Glider.

Boomstick: Not only is this puppy super fast, like, 90 miles an hour, it has a hidden blade which can stab you and a rope that can tangle you up! It's faster than Spider-Man!

Wiz: Norman has survived being hit by an entire bag of pumpkin bombs, which are capable of melting through three inches of steel.

Boomstick: But Norman's hubris would be his undoing! During a fight with Spider-Man he was impaled by his own glider and died. Then he came back. And he died again.

Wiz: But no matter what gets in his way, what stops his progress, what hinders his goals, Norman Osborn is a man of drive. And he will always find a way.

Green Goblin: Good news, lowlifes! The city's gone green! Say hello to the new big man of crime- the Green Goblin!

Intermission[]

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.

Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Death Battle[]

It never looked like this.

Falcone Tower was lit up with a green glow. Lights pulsed from within like some sort of rave. But anyone that knew Carmine Falcone knew that he wasn't a man who hosted raves. Obviously there was a hostile takeover in progress. And by the look of things, it was working. As the sounds of laughter and music filled the streets, people were struck by fear.

But the lights from Falcone Tower were not the only lights in the sky.

The Bat-Signal lit up, sending a sign across Gotham City to all ne'er-do-wells. The shadow that protected the innocent would spread its scalloped cape across the skies. He was vengeance. He was the night.

He was Batman.

The beating of music from the alight tower began to grate on Batman as he looked through his binoculars, spectating the events of the party. Pumpkin-masked figures bobbed up and down, mosh pits raved, rapists and murderers mingling merrily. The way he saw it, Batman had two options. One- he could go in with no red tape. Burst through the window and crack skulls. Or he could play it stealthily, sneak through and pick them off. If this were any other raid, option two would be preferable. But there was no shortage of alcohol at the party, and anyone who could pose a threat to the mission was either drunk, or the person he was after.

Batman heaved a sigh and shot his grappling hook at the building, the prongs digging into the concrete. He leapt off the rooftop he stood on, before smashing through the glass window feet first. The partygoers screamed. Guns and fists were raised. But the lights still blared. The music played on. Batman pulled a small metal bar from his utility belt, along with a handful of pellets. Putting the bar in his mouth, he dropped the pellets as a white mist began to spread across the room. Soon enough, the ravers realized just what they'd been hit with as they wheezed and sputtered, falling to the floor.

"O-oh, fuck!" one yelled. "I-it's t-tear g-gas!"

One pumpkin-masked partygoer, a large man, approached the Caped Crusader, staggering about as he coughed and breathed harshly. He threw a sloppy punch, easily countered as Batman twisted the arm of his attacker. Seven joints hollered in agony as the man was finished off with a kick to the face. He fell unconscious as Batman continued straight on. He pushed a door open, where he encountered a strange sight to be certain.

Carmine Falcone was bound with rope, muffled screaming coming from his tape-covered mouth. Batman glanced at him, then to the man who lay across the grand, throne-like armchair in front of him. He wore a green bodysuit, with purple shoes, vest and pointed hat. He had ghoulish orange-yellow eyes, and he had a small pouch by his side. He looked at Batman with sly, cunning eyes and gave a grin, showing off dirty, yellow teeth.

"The man of the hour makes his appearance at last," he crooned, changing his position so he faced Batman, "I was wondering how long you'd be in there."

Batman removed the bar from his mouth as he closed the door behind him. "All of your goons are either unconscious or choking on tear gas."

"Ouch, not even gonna entertain my smack talk?" he said slyly, standing. Falcone made a muffled noise, which earned him a boot in the face. "Quiet, lapdog." he said scornfully. "Now, Batman, you don't know me, but I-"

"The Green Goblin," Batman said flatly, "enemy of the Spider-Man. You've come to Gotham. Looking to expand your criminal empire. It won't work. Get out of my city."

"So you do know. You're smarter than I thought, Batman." he said with a smile. "Now, let's do what you came here to do."

Raising his fists, the Batman offered a single, one-word answer.

"Gladly."

ROUND ONE: FIGHT![]

The two rushed at each other, with the Goblin throwing a jab. The Batman, however, slid under the punch, grabbing his green-clad adversary by the wrist and ramming his fist into the abdomen of his opponent. A fourth was stopped by a knee to the chest, Batman sliding back. The Goblin rushed at him, and before the Dark Knight could react, an emerald-covered fist hammered into his nose. He was flung back, and not giving him a moment to breathe, the Goblin was on him and unleashing an onslaught of punches to the Caped Crusader's torso. Batman groaned in pain as Goblin lifted him again, this time by the ears of the mask.

"See, I'm not like those saps you always fight. I'm stronger!" He yelled, tossing Batman across the room. He rushed after him, grabbing him by the throat and dashing him against the wall. "I'm smarter! I'm just better!"

Batman dropped a small grey pellet on the floor, and a thick fog spread across the room. A smokescreen formed, and the Goblin cackled. "You think that'll work? I'm almost feeling disrespected! Die." He said, lifting his foot to crush his opponent's skull, but when he brought it down, all he met was the floor beneath him. Bewildered, he looked around for any sign of Batman, but he was nowhere to be found. He snarled, before looking up.

"Ready when you are."

The ax kick landed right on the back of his neck and sent the Goblin into the floor. Oscorp's CEO growled as he got to a knee, but he was only met by a punch from a black gauntlet. Followed by another. And another, and another, and another. After five consecutive shots to the jaw, the Goblin finally fell to hands and knees. He groaned, then wheezed, then finally... laughed. Beneath his whited-out lenses, Batman rolled his eyes as the Goblin's laugh turned to a cackle.

"AHAHAHA! Gotta say, Batsy, you're really bringin' my best out here!" he said amusedly. "What say we have another round? But not in this cramped office, ohhh nooo." He pointed out the window- into the sprawling streets of Gotham. "Out there. With them."

Batman said no words, but his actions were clear enough. He cracked his knuckles.

ROUND TWO: FIGHT![]

The Goblin's smile grew, before opening his pouch and taking out a small pumpkin. He hurled it at Batman, and an explosion rocked Falcone Tower. Batman flew across the street, before a green blur slammed into him. It was the Goblin, stationed on a flying silver glider and holding Batman by the throat. "I can show you the woooorld~" he sang, in a horrid, scratchy voice like nails on a chalkboard. Batman slammed his elbow into Goblin's ribs, with his opponent recoiling, dropping him in the process. Batman fell to the streets below- before a sleek black car drove through the streets, Batman landing in the drivers seat.

Inside the cockpit of the Batmobile, the World's Greatest Detective's hands glided over the controls, before locking onto a pair of joysticks with red buttons on top of them. He flipped the lids off, before pressing down on the buttons as two cylinders came from the hood of the car. Two missiles blasted out of it, with Goblin swerving to avoid it. "Ah-ah-ah!" he said, wagging his finger mockingly. "My turn!" he cackled, pitching a pumpkin bomb at the Batmobile. A mounted gun popped out of the hood and let off a short burst of bullets, the bomb exploding before it could reach its intended target. The car swiftly overtook the glider, its pilot snapping its head around and lowering his vehicle. From the back of the car oil spilled from a tube, painting the glider black. It weighed down, the glider skidding across the floor, sparks grinding along the ground.

The Goblin lifted his index finger and aimed it at one of the tires. He bumped about, before getting a good aim and firing a laser from the tip of his finger. The tire began to deflate, before the Batmobile split in half to reveal a motorcycle in its place. The Batblade swerved around, before its driver pulled out a Batarang and tossed it at the Goblin. It grazed his arm, causing a short yelp. He growled, before pulling another pumpkin bomb from his pouch and tossing it at Batman. It went over his head, but let out a substance covering the road like tar. The Batblade was stuck as the Goblin came to a stop in front of him. Batman growled an expletive, as the Goblin sat on the end of his glider.

"Y'know, I really did not think that was gonna work." he said with genuine amusement. "I've only used that glue bomb, like, once ever."

"It didn't work?"

"Beggin' your pardon?" Goblin said, before looking down to see the red light flashing on the grenade beneath the Batblade's wheel. "Son of a-"

BOOM!

The Batblade exploded through the road, landing on subway tracks. The Goblin Glider fired up as it gave chase, the two racing along the tracks. Batman turned before tossing another Batarang. This one combusted in a flash of white light, stunning the Goblin as he stopped short. "Ngh... HA! Think you can get away from me?" He yelled, before tossing a pumpkin bomb at the wall. It exploded, and Goblin gave chase. He continued to toss pumpkin bombs at the walls, before he found Batman. He sped up the glider, as a blade popped out from the bottom. He caught up with the Batblade, which was on a collision course with a train. The Batblade flew up, slamming through the train's front and rocketing through carriage after carriage. The passengers flattened themselves against the wall as the Goblin ran past. Eventually, he managed to throw the Batarang that had cut him at Batman, sending him flying off the motorcycle. He tumbled through the carriage, as the Green Goblin walked towards him.

"Come on, Batman, gimme somethin' here!" he said, walking towards him. "I'm carrying the dialogue here!"

"You're sick," growled Batman, "you need help."

"Not sick," he said slyly, "crazy. Sick would imply a cure."

Batman kicked him in the shin, causing him to double over and fall onto the floor. Batman took control, mounting his opponent to deliver multiple shots to the face. However, while this would obviously cause pain to any normal man, the Green Goblin was far from normal. He was laughing. And as Batman increased the power of his strikes, he laughed more. "You're finished! Give up!" he barked. The Goblin smiled, before a pumpkin bomb rolled out from the pouch.

The carriage they were on exploded. Bodies were scattered across the floor. Batman stared across the destroyed carriage, half his mask eviscerated in the blast. The Goblin hobbled to his feet, half of his mask scorched off similarly to Batman. The two stared across from one another, standing in the wrecked carriage. Goblin searched in his pouch. Empty. Batman scoured his utility belt. Nothing.

"No gadgets?"

"Nope."

"Good."

"Very. Shall we?"

Batman gritted his teeth in rage.

"Gladly."

FINAL ROUND: FIGHT![]

The two rushed at each other, with Batman delivering multiple swift bodyshots in succession before slamming both his fists into the Goblin's temples. He gripped his head in pain, opening him up for a roundhouse kick to the jaw. He went down, but Batman did not relent. He continued to lay his fists into Goblin, ruthlessly pounding him. "YOU KILLED ALL THESE PEOPLE!" he screamed. Reminded of this, Goblin began to laugh. "SHUT UP! STOP LAUGHING!" he said, accelerating the beatdown.

"Y-you really crack me up," groaned the Goblin, before being hit by a knee to the nose. He toppled to the floor as the train stopped at a station. Batman grabbed his emerald adversary by the hat and dragged him through the station, and into the open air. The sun was beginning to rise now, the orange glow illuminating them as they brawled in the middle of the street. No longer was Batman pulling his punches, his gloved knuckles beginning to wear from the exercise they were getting on Goblin's face.

Eventually, Goblin managed to turn the tables. He tackled Batman into an alley and began to punch him in the face. Batman's nose bled as the purple-gloved fists smashed into his jaw and nose. Eventually, Batman monkey-flipped him off and combat rolled backwards, landing in front of Goblin against the alley's wall. He punched Oscorp's CEO in the face until he went down, at which point he paused to catch his breath. A perfect opportunity for a silver blur to ram straight into him.

SHRK!

***

"What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you?"

***

"You're retired, Jim. Why don't you leave?"

"Hope, Batman. I have hope for this city. And when that hope pays off, when this city pulls itself from the darkness, I want to be there."

***

"You were wrong, Joker. This city has hope. They're better than what they are."

***

"But until then, I guess I'll watch the tenth circle burn. Ha."

***

"You're not some great terrorist. You're another madman trying to destroy a city that cannot be destroyed."

***

"We can change it."

"We can. And they want to change. So we need to help them change."

***

"I believe in Gotham City."

***

Blood leaked onto the Goblin Glider, its blade firmly embedded in Batman's abdomen. He stared down at the maroon liquid, before coughing up more of it. He gritted his teeth as he looked at the smiling Goblin, grinning smugly as he nonchalantly strolled towards Batman, running his finger down the steel glider. "Remember when I said no gadgets? I lied." he said, before letting out a short cackle. Batman, however, grinned along with him, blood running down his chin.

"Remember when I sliced your arm with that Batarang?" he said, with a hint of smugness in his tone.

"What?" Goblin said, before falling to the ground. "WHAT? WHAT DID YOU DO?" he asked, frightened. Batman smiled, before ripping out the glider from his stomach and putting a hand over his wound. He heaved tiredly.

"I laced it with the Scarecrow's fear toxin. Ambulophobia. The fear of walking. You're going to stay in this alley, unable to stand for the rest of your life." He kicked the device that controlled the Goblin Glider from Norman's hands, before stepping on it, crushing it. The Goblin screamed in anguish.

"NO!" he yelled. Batman picked up the Goblin Glider and smiled.

"As for this? It'll fit nicely with the giant penny." he growled, dragging the Glider away, not listening to the pleas of the Goblin. He pressed a finger to his ear. "Alfred? Prepare the medical equipment. I've been stabbed."

KNOCKOUT![]

Results[]

Boomstick: Damn! I guess Stormin' Norman wasn't the sharpest in this fight!

Wiz: This was an extremely close fight. Like, extremely close. Both were even in so many categories that it ultimately came down to three things- skill, arsenal and intelligence.

Boomstick: Norman had Batman beat in strength and durability thanks to the Goblin Formula, but thanks to his laser-dodging feats he'd be strong enough to avoid most attacks. He's also durable enough to survive blasts from the pumpkin bombs.

Wiz: So Norman couldn't rely on his raw power to take Batman out. I don't think it needs to be stated that Batman vastly outskilled Norman here.

Boomstick: Gobby's certainly no slouch, but Bats is trained in literally every form of martial art. And he's even made new ones! He's a master of fighting! Norman just couldn't contend with that amount of skill.

Wiz: Plus, Batman had a wider and more effective arsenal. The Batmobile was faster than the Glider's stated top speed, 90 miles an hour to Mach 1, while it wouldn't necessarily hurt him tear gas would certainly hinder him, and his sharp Batarangs could cut Norman's skin.

Boomstick: But what about the Goblin Formula? Couldn't Norman just infect Batman with it and turn him insane?

Wiz: Sure, but the Formula turning you insane was very slow for Norman, and Batman has far more will than him. Plus, while he certainly isn't all there, Batman's brain is stronger compared to Norman's slice of swiss cheese he calls a brain.

Boomstick: 'Sides, Bats has tons of stuff to stop him from inhaling toxic gas. Speaking of toxic gas, how about the fear gas at his disposal! If it could make the king of the sea scared of water, it could definitely make an already insane guy turn even more cuckoo.

Wiz: Now to the most important deciding factor of this fight- intelligence. Norman is a genius, there's no denying that. But Batman is the second-smartest man on Earth, next to Lex Luthor. You know, Lex Luthor. The guy who solved the Anti-Life Equation?

Boomstick: Norman doesn't even crack Marvel's top 10! In terms of nerd-power, Batman was wayyy ahead!

Wiz: Is that what you're gonna call smart people now? Nerds?

Boomstick: Just callin' it like I see it, Wiz.

Wiz: ...anyway, while Norman had him outdone in the stat department, Batman had the skills, arsenal and pure mental horsepower to finally rout the Green Goblin.

Boomstick: Guess Norman just couldn't put his money where his gob is!

Wiz: ...

Boomstick: That was hilarious! How can you not laugh at that? You've gone batty!

Wiz: (sigh) The winner is Batman.