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| Season 1 |
| Episode 6 |
| Overall Episode 6 |
| "Family Man" |
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| Previous Episode: Terra Branford VS Milla Maxwell |
| Next Episode: Trevor Philips VS Johnny Gat |
Description[]
Street Fighter VS Mortal Kombat! Two classic fighting game military men are about to face off in a war games level clash of the good ole red, white, & blue!
Introduction[]
Mewtwo: Many things can drive a man to do things he wouldn't otherwise. Money, power, lust.
Bowser: But sometimes it's just plain patriotism! America! Fuck yeah!
Mewtwo: And these two arcade days of yore rivals served their country well.
Bowser: Guile, the man with the best theme song in all of fighting games!
Mewtwo: And Jax, Major of the Earthrealm Special Forces.
Bowser: I'm Bowser & he's Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor, & skills in order to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Guile[]
Mewtwo: Imagine this. It's the early 90s & you're a kid with some change on the weekend. Where would you go?
Bowser: Oh that's an easy one! The arcade, obviously!
Mewtwo: And while many enjoyed the racing games, it was the fighting games that drew in the crowds.
Bowser: We're talking like a dozen or more people lined up & waiting to play kind of crowds! If you weren't there you wouldn't get it, but these things were a massive success in their heyday!
Mewtwo: And what was arguably the first game to kick off this craze? None other than Street Fighter II.
Bowser: Wait, what happened to Street Fighter one?
Mewtwo: The original Street Fighter wasn't the same kind of fighting game as Street Fighter II was. For example, it lacked the wider variety of characters that SF2 would eventually have.
Bowser: And while you've got your martial arts students like Ryu & his echo fighter Ken, your Interpol officer & professional helicopter Chun-Li, the stretchy yoga man who spits hot fire like your's truly Dhalsim, the green-skinned jungle man of Brazil Blanka, the brick shithouse-level sumo wrestler E Honda, & the Red Russian Cyclone superpower of a wrestler Zangief, the stone-faced man with the strange blonde hairdo still did his part to stand out from the crowd!
Mewtwo: This was none other than William F. Guile, an American soldier who has a personal score to settle with Master Bison.
Bowser: Master Bison! Here's our hero! Gonna take pollution down to zero!
Mewtwo: ...
Bowser: ...
Mewtwo: ...
Bowser: Sorry.
BACKGROUND
- Full Name: William F. Guile (Supposedly)
- Age: ~Early-Mid 40s (Speculative)
- Height: ~6'0 (~182 cm)
- Weight: ~200 lbs. (~90 kg)
- Colonel of the U.S. Air Force
- Brother-in-law of Ken
- Likes include his family, his hair, & John Wayne movies
- Dislikes include M. Bison, natto, & bears
- Implores you to "go home and be a family man"
- "He was born in the U.S.A.!, born in the U.S.A.!"
- His theme fits with anything you can imagine
- Famously portrayed by... Jean-Claude Van Damme?
Mewtwo: Anyway, William tends to go by his last name, Guile. Guile is one of the most well-known Street Fighters. Primarily for his special moves, which we'll get to shortly.
Bowser: When Guile joined the military he befriended fellow soldier Nash, who took Guile under his wing & taught him his own techniques.
Mewtwo: This friendship gave them both a worthy sparring partner, and they would spar for hours at a time. Unfortunately, nothing good lasts forever. As during a mission, Nash stayed behind with M. Bison as a massive explosion went off, presumably killing them both.
Bowser: With his best friend gone, Guile began putting all of his effort into avenging his fallen comrade by trying to put an end to Bison himself.
Mewtwo: And Guile has the tools for such a job. He's well-versed in both martial arts and wrestling, which his fighting style greatly exemplifies.
Bowser: But let's be honest, his real skills are the tricks he picked up from Nash!
SPECIAL MOVES
- Sonic Boom
- Sonic Blade
- Sonic Hurricane
- Sonic Tempest
- Flash Kick
- Double Flash
- Flash Explosion
- Step Kick
- Reverse Spin Kick
- Spinning Back Knuckle
- Knee Bazooka
Mewtwo: Moves like the Step Kick, Reverse Spin Kick, Spinning Back Knuckle, & Knee Bazooka are all quite basic & easy to understand. They are all essentially exactly what they sound like they'd be.
Bowser: The Flash Kick is Guile's crazy gravity-defying overhead kick that sends him upwards into the air!. And The Double Flash & Flash Explosion are basically stronger versions that add in more Flash Kicks!
Mewtwo: But the move that Guile is more well-known for isn't any of those.
<Guile: "Sonic Boom!", repeating over and over for a bit>
Bowser: Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom! Trouble keeps you running faster! Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom! Save the planet from disaster!
Mewtwo: ...
Bowser: Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom! Spinning through a world in motion! Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom! Sonic Boom!
Mewtwo: Are you done yet?
Bowser: Okay, even I have to admit that that one was a little forced.
Mewtwo: Considering that Guile's Sonic Booms have been able to destroy things like aircraft, I wouldn't make light of them.
Bowser: I would say it must be from that tough-ass military training, but Guile has a bit of an on-and-off switch when it comes to discipline. While he's mostly known for being stoic and serious, he's also been hotheaded on occasion. But that's usually only when he's dealing with Bison. You know, because of the whole dead mentor thing.
Mewtwo: In any case, Guile is a dutiful man who loves & serves his country. Fighting the good fight for the sake of his family as well as every other American citizen.
Bowser: Even if he is barely home to see his family because of his obsession for revenge on Bison, when you hear his theme, you know there's an all-American ass-whooping coming your way!
(Guile: "Go home and be a family man!")
Jax[]
Mewtwo: Every military has their specialized fighting forces. Like the Navy and the Air Force.
Bowser: But sometimes you need a REALLY specialized force. We're talking like the Marines kind of special!
Mewtwo: And what better name could there be for such a force than... "Special Forces?"
Bowser: Lazy name aside, the Special Forces of Mortal Kombat are pretty awesome! There's your klassic MK kombatant Sonya Blade, her once-upon-a-time daughter Cassie Cage, and even Kenshi's son Takeda! Oh, and the bow guy...
Mewtwo: Before we continue any further it's important to note that Mortal Kombat's continuity has changed considerably over time, especially in more recent years. There's the Original Timeline from the original Mortal Kombat until MK Armageddon, the Alternate Timeline from MK 2011 until MK 11, and the Current Timeline, which is currently only MK 1.
Bowser: But Mewtwo, Jax's appearances in the Current Timeline have been pretty limited. I don't think he has much to work with there...
Mewtwo: True. Which is why we're primarily looking at his appearances from the previous two timelines, of which Jax made his first appearance in Mortal Kombat II.
BACKGROUND
- Full Name: Jackson Briggs
- Age: ~Late 40s-Early 50s (Speculative)
- Height: ~6'8 (~203 cm)
- Weight: ~250 lbs. (~113 kg)
- Major of the U.S. Special Forces
- Father of the sorta-maybe-not-really-future MK kombatant Jacqui Briggs
- Gave Kano his klassic metal faceplate
- Was originally going to be Kurtis Stryker during development
- Credited as "Jaxx" in the original MK film (Alongside the equally infamous "Rayden", lmao)
- An honorary Epic Sax Guy
- Took on Mr. Ed without his cybernetics (Side note: Kids, watch MK Annihilation if you haven't yet. You'll enjoy the laughs)
- Doesn't do brutalities, only fatalities
Mewtwo (continued): Jax's main method of fighting is by utilizing two of mankind's natural weapons, his fists. And while Jax was no slouch with his bare hands, his cybernetic augments made him far stronger than before.
Bowser: Strong enough to tear your limbs off and smash your head into mush! Strong enough to break your ribs off & tear off the upper half of your head! Jax is a guy I wouldn't want to get into a boxing match with!
WEAPONS
- Bionic Arms
- Tonfa
- Club
- Submachine Gun
- Shotgun
- Thumper (Grenade Launcher)
- Rocket Launcher
Mewtwo: Besides his bionic arms, Jax also isn't afraid to wield a club or tonfa. He's even been known to use firearms if needed.
Bowser: Not to mention the heavy artillery like a grenade or rocket launcher! Beeeeeesssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh BOOM!
Mewtwo: Even without weapons Jax's time in the military has made him quite adept at martial arts & wrestling maneuvers. He's also had some... modifications made to his arms over the years that allow them to do more than simply punch someone's lights out. Even a warrior like Johnny Cage couldn't compete with Jax's raw strength.
SPECIAL MOVES
- Energy Wave
- Hammer Punch
- Ground Pound
- Gotcha Grab
- Multi-Slam
- Power Bomb
- Underhook Slam
- Belly To Belly Suplex
- Back Breaker
- Dash Punch
- Heat Missile
- Plasma Ball
- Piston Punch
- Overhead Smash
- Major Pain
- L.A.W Rocket
- Stiff Armed
- Thumper
- Heating Up
- Buckshot
- Lethal Clap
- Ripped
- Duck & Weave
- Burning Hammer
- Briggs Barricade
- Briggs Bash (X-Ray Move)
- Bring It (X-Ray Move)
- Honorable Discharge (Fatal Blow)
- Head Clap (Fatality)
- Arm Rip (Fatality)
- Super Quad Slam (Fatality)
- Boot Squash (Fatality)
- Slice-N-Dice (Fatality)
- Head Stomp (Fatality)
- Air Machine Gun (Fatality)
- Smash & Grab (Fatality)
- Three Points (Fatality)
- T-Wrecks (Fatality)
- Jax The Ribber (Fatality)
- Coming In Hot (Fatality)
- Still Got It (Fatality)
Bowser: A warrior like Johnny Cage? The movie actor who abuses special effects in his films? Please Mewtwo, the only warrior I see in Johnny Cage is of the keyboard variety!
Mewtwo: Is that so? Johnny Cage is a descendant of a Mediterranean war cult, which is where his green fireballs and strange energy reserves comes from. Not to mention that both he AND his former daughter defeated the fallen Elder God Shinnok.
Bowser: Oh... yeah... I kinda forgot about that part...
Mewtwo: Regardless, Jax has proven himself time and time again to be one of the mightiest mortals of Earthrealm.
Bowser: And now that we're done with both analyses, I know what time it's about to be! Yes!
(Jax: "It's time somebody shut you the hell up!")
Interlude[]
Mewtwo: The combatants are set, I've run the data through all possibilities and we'll soon have our answer.
Bowser: It's time for a Death Battle!
Battle[]
Inside an old, rundown arcade, a looming, shadowy figure approached the old, dusty cabinets. Despite the ravaging of time upon the devices, they whirred back to life upon the beckoning of the figure. The dark & dank building now illuminated by the bright lights of the arcade screens as many sounds began to play from the various games starting up. The figure then simply waved its hand, causing all of the cabinets to arrange themselves around in a massive circle, enveloping the center of the arcade. With the breadth of the arcade at their disposal, the figure waved its hand once more. This time causing all of the machines to deactivate, leaving the arcade in both darkness & silence once again.
Until finally the machines reactivated. But the figure was nowhere to be seen. Despite this strange turn of events, the machines were functioning once again with no signs of stopping anytime soon. However, two of the cabinets began to glow as they were surrounded in a soft blue light. One of them was Street Fighter II, the other Mortal Kombat II. Eventually, bright sparks began to fly out from the machines accompanied by crackling electricity & loud static noises as a mass of pixels float off the screen and slowly take on a three-dimensional shape!
The first of these formed into a blonde-haired man wearing army fatigues, his face was stoic but he observed the strange & unfamiliar environment he found himself in all the same. The second mass of pixels formed into a man wearing gauntlets on his arms & pants. He was also confused, but before either of them could wonder what just happened to them, the arcade goes silent briefly before the entire landscape around them changes to match their respective universes. Behind the blonde man, lies a military base. Behind the man with the gauntlets, lies a desert. The only thing separating these two wholly different settings was a single black line intersecting them, a simple boundary.
The man wearing the gauntlets then finally said "What the hell's going on here!?" The blond gave a simple "No idea." as a reply. Before their conversation can continue, they are surrounded by energy and are transformed, altered, changed, what have you. The blonde-haired man was now a bit more rugged-looking, as was the man with the gauntlets. Speaking of which, the gauntlet fighter was now smoking a cigar as he said "I couldn't help but notice your ink." The blonde man said nothing in response, wondering what this stranger had to say. The man whose arms were now firmly coated in metal continued by saying "Which branch do you serve?" The blonde-haired soldier simply replied with "Air Force. You?" The man with the metal arms said "Special Forces, until I retired." The blonde man said "Special Forces? Are you a Beret?" The man took out a cigar and lit it as he said "Not exactly. Anyway, you got a name?" The blonde replied with "Guile. Colonel Guile. And you are?" The man took a puff of his cigar before saying "Major Jackson Briggs. Jax for short."
Now that the fighters were introduced, a voice boomed across the land. "Combatants. Hear me & listen well. You are from two different worlds on the cusp of becoming one. This process is irreversible & unpreventable. Once these worlds have completely merged together, they will both end after a period of 24 hours. The only way you may save your world is by defeating your opponent standing before you in singles combat, in a battle... to the death." Guile & Jax were both astonished by this strange turn of events, and while they both questioned what this unseen voice's motives were, the line between them disappearing and their respective realms beginning to merge together quickly informed that whoever the voice was, they weren't bluffing.
"I don't know what the Hell is going on here, but that voice from the sky doesn't sound like he's lying!" exclaimed Jax. Guile sighed before saying "It appears that you are my opponent it mentioned. This is quite the dilemma." Jax scoffed before saying "Look, I don't have any problems with ya, but if it's between my world, my family, and a stranger..." Guile got into his fighting stance as he calmly stated "I understand Major Briggs, I have no quarrel with you either but it appears that neither of us have a choice in the matter anymore." Jax then put out his cigar & got into his fighting stance as he said "No holding back, Colonel. May the better soldier win." As the two warriors prepared to clash, two distinct voices joined one another in announcing the start of the matchup!
FIGHT!
The two soldiers immediately go on the offensive, matching up rather evenly with a few punches. That is, until Jax begins heating up his fists and singes Guile's connecting fist, causing Guile to roll backwards. Jax attempts to close in, but Guile suddenly throws his arms forward, the sound of which makes a loud booming noise as a projectile of energy comes out of Guile's arms and travels towards Jax. Jax stops & looks at the approaching projectile before deciding to use his bionic arms to block the attack. The Sonic Boom explodes upon impact with Jax's arms, but Jax emerges perfectly fine as he closes the distance with a running Dash Punch! Which Guile manages to evade by throwing a kick upwards & soaring through the air with a leap as Jax passes by underneath him!
Jax stops his dash as Guile lands behind him and turns to face him, intent on landing a blow this time. However, he is met with a hard knee from Guile that sends the Major stumbling backwards. While Jax is off-balance Guile attempts a Step Kick, only for Jax to grab his leg & prevent the attack from connecting. Guile struggles to escape Jax's vice-like grip, but makes little progress before he's pulled towards Jax & lifted into the air by his foot! Jax swings Guile's body around, repeatedly slamming him onto the ground a few times, before stopping and saying to the dangling Colonel "I expected better from you soldier." Guile then suddenly swung his free leg upwards & into Jax's chin, breaking his grip on Guile's leg & allowing Guile to land another upward kick upon briefly touching the ground! This one made Jax stumble back & wipe some blood away from his now-broken nose before he threw a heavy right at Guile, who evaded it before hitting Jax in the chest with an elbow.
However, Jax caught the elbow partway through and pulled Guile towards him before suddenly lifting him up into the air and driving him back to the ground with a huge suplex! As Jax scrambles back to his feet, Guile manages to jump back up to his feet with a minimal amount of stumbling. Guile then rolls backwards before launching several Sonic Booms in a row, the repeated cascade of energy flowing freely towards his opponent. Jax, with a mighty thunderclap, caused all of the Sonic Booms to dissipate and even pushed Guile back slightly before charging towards him! Seeing this, Guile charges up his technique further and unleashes a huge & powerful Sonic Tempest. Jax stops & crosses his arms in front of him, but the Sonic Tempest proves to be considerably more powerful than the previous Booms as it blasts Jax head-on & envelopes the area in smoke! Guile peers through the smoke, not seeing or hearing his opponent, and so he cautiously approaches.
Only for Jax to suddenly exclaim "Gotcha!" as he reaches out of the smoke and grabs the surprised Guile, easily lifting him off the ground with one arm! Guile's surprise was only momentary, as he expected the Major to survive his attack, as such he was already attempting to fight his way out of Jax's grip. Meanwhile, Jax began laying into Guile with repeated strikes from his free arm, dealing some "Major Pain" to the Colonel despite his efforts of defending himself. Guile pulls off a desperate Flash Kick, finally creating some separation from Jax, before following up with another Flash Kick that sends Jax upwards into the air! Guile quickly launches a barrage of Sonic Booms at the currently helpless Jax, blasting him over & over again in mid-air. Jax crashes back onto the ground with a massive Ground Pound, pushing Guile away from him & tearing up the ground!
Jax then launches an Energy Wave towards Guile, who jumps over it and launches a Sonic Blade towards Jax. Jax blocks the Sonic Blade, but it still pushes him back slightly, giving Guile time to close the distance between them. Guile lands a few quick strikes before Jax blocks one and lifts him up into the air for a massive powerbomb! As Guile lays sprawled out on the ground, Jax goes for a running penalty kick-like strike. Guile narrowly avoids the strike before elbowing Jax's shins, bringing the big man down to his knees! Guile follows this up with a kick that knocks Jax onto his back. Guile takes a moment to catch his breath as Jax struggles back up to his feet, his shins burning with pain the entire time. Guile goes for another hard elbow, but Jax shoulder tackles him through a wall beside them, sending both of them to the ground. Guile makes it to his feet first, battered & bruised, with Jax still struggling to make it back to a vertical base.
Guile moves in for a Spinning Back Knuckle, but Jax intercepts his arm by the wrist before grabbing his other wrist. "I've had about enough of this, Colonel." said Jax through clenched teeth. Guile only grunted in response as the two men attempted to overpower one another with brute force, their biceps bulging as they both began to put their all into this final test of strength! And, in a final burst of strength, Jax fights his way through the pain burning throughout his body and he begins to pull Guile's massive, broad shoulders & arms downwards. Guile puts up his best resistance, planting his feet and offering his own impressive strength as a counterweight to Jax's. Unfortunately for the all-American hero however, Jax's strength proved greater on this day, as with a guttural roar of "primal rage", Jax brutally rips & tears the Colonel's arms from his body!
The usually stone-faced World Warrior couldn't help but show some emotion, one of extreme pain as the blood began to gush from the stumps of what used to be his arms. As Guile recoils in pain, Jax drops the arms onto the ground, his chest still heaving with exhaustion from the force he exerted. He then places his arms into another thunderclap-like motion as they heat up again, before slamming them together against Guile's head, brutally smashing his skull, causing blood to squirt everywhere & splattering the leftover brain matter onto the wall behind Guile's headless, & lifeless, corpse. As Guile's body fell over onto its back, blood gurgling out of the stump of the neck, Jax lit a cigar & took a puff in remembrance of his fallen fellow countryman.
KO!
Conclusion[]
Bowser: I think that's a little too much red soldier, we're gonna need a heck of a lot of white & blue to balance this out!
Mewtwo: Guile was a tenacious foe to be sure, but he was unfortunately punching above his weight class.
Bowser: Yeah, Jax being almost an entire foot taller & about 50 pounds, or 20 kilograms, heavier than Guile was already leaving Guile at a disadvantage in terms of power & reach.
Mewtwo: I was talking about their attributes.
Bowser: Last time I checked, height & weight were attributes. Ha! Checkmate atheist!
Mewtwo: Grr... anyway, let's talk about speed first. Scaling them to their respective casts, Guile is in the subsonic range for movement & supersonic range for reactions due to being able to keep up with people like Cammy or Cody. Jax would be only a little faster than a regular human in terms of movement, but would also be in the supersonic range for reactions due to everyone being able to react to machine gunfire.
Bowser: So Guile could move faster, but they were pretty much even in reacting to each other's attacks.
Mewtwo: That said, some characters in Mortal Kombat have demonstrated the ability to react to explosives & even lightning. Which could theoretically place Jax more in the hypersonic range. Moving onto strength, suffice to say that this one goes pretty much exactly how you'd likely expect it to. Guile is roughly in the small building ballpark, again, being comparable to other Street Fighters like Chun-Li or Cammy. Jax, meanwhile, has fought characters like Johnny Cage, who defeated Shinnok. Even without this taken into account, MK characters have been shown to be able to destroy materials like diamonds & even titanium for the klassic Tests of Strength. Together, this means Jax is likely far stronger but the degree of which is hard to judge.
Bowser: So Jax has strength in the bag but Guile is still likely faster provided we're not giving Jax crazy scaling. What about durability?
Mewtwo: Their durabilities would mostly measure to their strengths, leaving Jax as both stronger & more durable & Guile as most likely being faster. Unfortunately, speed alone wasn't enough for the All-American Colonel to pull off an upset.
Bowser: Not to mention the fact that Jax had some serious firepower! And I'm not talking about those guns either! Between the shotgun, machine gun, & rocket launcher, Jax had way more than enough firepower to overwhelm Guile!
Mewtwo: Now would also be a good time to mention that Guile dislikes using firearms, as such, he likely wouldn't attempt to use Jax's weapons against him. There is also still the matter of Jax's bionic arms having, quite frankly, strange abilities such as turning into blades & launching plasma-like projectiles. Guile possessed few means to combat such a deadly pair of weapons.
Bowser: And so this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause!
Mewtwo: The winner is... Jackson Briggs.
NEXT TIME[]
"What kinda fucking animal do you take me for!?"
"What? You think I give a shit about you not liking me? Fuck off."
"Fuck you! Fuck your pizza! Fuck everything it stands for!"
"So make yourself a fucking waffle!"