(NOTE: This was originally a battle on a blog made in 4/1/16 due to Internet Persona characters being banned from the wiki. But as of 7/9/16, they have been made usable due to a majority of votes.)
They're gonna take you back to the past.
The Kid vs The Angry Video Game Nerd is an off-season What-If? Episode of Death Battle by Ahomeschoolingroudon, as well as his April Fools Fight of 2016. Featuring The Kid from I Wanna Be The Guy against The Angry Video Game Nerd from the eponymous web series.
Description[]
Notoriously difficult video game protagonist against a gamer himself! These two throwback to the good, the bad and the ball-bustingly challenging times of the Golden Age of gaming. And they've also taken on foes from that Golden Age as well, but whose abilities will make them come out on top? And which throwback to the past will be past?
Interlude[]
Dark Pit: Hey, weren't the other hosts supposed to meet us here?
Alucard: Nope, they abandoned us because they didn't want to bother with a blog battle.
Dark Pit: Great, so now we're getting tossed to the side? And over what? It better not be a battle over two fighting game buttmonkeys.
Jin: ...Cry in shame it is.
Dark Pit: OH FOR FUCK SAKES--
Jin: Well think about it this way, we don' need no Wiz and Boomstick! We can host this battle our damn dilly dally selves can't we?
Alucard: ...Whatever he said.
Dark Pit: Yeah, right. Doubt this will end well, anyway... I mean, who's even gonna bother reading a blog fight these days--?
Jin: The Kid, the main protagonist of the game that not even us S-Classes can be able to get past!
Alucard: And the Angry Video Game Nerd... Some guy who probably sits in his basement recording some web show or something.
Jin: Show some dignity, will ya'! Put your back into it laddie!
Dark Pit: ...Whatever. But that's only because you can manipulate the wind which you used to create a HURRICANE THAT FUCKING DESTROYED MY HOTEL ROOM I PAYED 200 BUCKS FOR--!
Alucard: And we're the subhosts, and we will be watching these two FIGHT TO THE DEATH! ...No not the angelic buttmonkey and the Irishman.
Jin: I'M NOT IRISH--!
The Kid[]
(Cue: Home Sweet Grave - Guilty Gear Isuka)
Alucard: Some games are easy, some games are challenging, then there are the games that are harder than my dick once getting into an argument with Sir Integra--
Dark Pit: Oh for fuck sakes you always have to bring that up.
Alucard: That’s because it’s true. But with that aside, these games usually have their protagonists getting killed constantly. Such is the case with The Kid.
Jin: Yeah, I already know how Rishō got so pissed off with that game he used his manipulation of Earth to bury his computer.
Dark Pit: How the hell do demons have access to computers?
Jin: We have access to televisions, so of course we would computers laddie! Anyway, The Kid’s motivation was pretty much given away in some pretty simplistic nature. Just wanting to become The Guy.
Alucard: Or in other words try to get his stones to drop sooner.
Dark Pit: Oh, this is only gonna go so well for me, I can tell.
Alucard: Boo hoo, I don’t give a fuck.
Jin: Yeesh, it’s like I have the carry this entire analysis on my back. But anywho, when it comes to this kid’s weaponry he mostly sticks to just one weapon, a good ol’ fashioned pistol!
Dark Pit: Just a pistol? What a waste of potential.
Alucard: Unlike me who has two pistols that contain bullets with the potential to rip straight through your skull.
Dark Pit: Doubt it.
Jin: Well, it’s not all just pistols. As while it can just shoot normal bullets at rapid fire, considering we’ll be using the composited versions of The Kid. He can also charge up some of his shots, before being able to fire them, as expected these are the types of bullets you don’t wanna beat around the bush!
Alucard: Still nothing compared to The Jackall
Dark Pit: Which is nothing compared to the Dark Pit Staff.
Alucard: Which one?
Dark Pit: ...Okay, should have seen that one coming.
Alucard: In what wa--
Dark Pit: Great. This is one thing I should’ve saw coming when taking part in this.
Alucard: Dude, you’re seriously just asking for thes--
Jin: Guys! Seriously, we’ve got an analysis to do here! Don’t make me have to wind up a typhoon in here so you can actually do what your supposed to do!
Dark Pit: Alright, alright. Wasn’t my fault anyway. But as for some other gear, that’s just about it except for a parachute that he’s only been able to use once. Though, this isn’t much of a surprise as The Kid is more centered around avoiding attacks and maneuverability.
Alucard: Maneuverability did you say--?
Dark Pit: Okay, how many times are you gonna--
Jin: ALRIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH YOU TWO THAT ME EARS CAN HANDLE! TORNADO FIST EXPLOSION!
Dark Pit: I didn’t even--! Wait, what the hell is a--
BOOM!!
.png){kind=link}
(Cue: Going Commando - Gux)
Jin: Okay, I think everything has been cleared up now. And by cleared up, I mean completely cleared out of this room, but oh well it’s their fault.
Dark Pit: ...Even though I didn’t even do anything.
Jin: But anywho, just because The Kid doesn’t have that much of an arsenal doesn’t mean he can pack a whoopin’. As he’s been able to defeat the likes of Mike Tyson, Bowser on his koopa clown car, hell even a Dragon Devil that was able to push aside the moon, Dracula himself & Mother Brain were not able to defeat this guy! Or rather, this kid I should say!
Dark Pit: And uh... Wait, you seriously had to give me this part of the script?
Jin: Yes, I can only talk for so long before me ears start a wigglin’ again.
Dark Pit: ...O-kay? And, The Kid has even been able to defeat the likes of gigantic green-skinned hadoken breathing spinning piledriving Zangeifs. Yes, this is one of those types of games. And on top of that, has been able to get out of the way of shit like... The fucking moon falling towards him from above, and Tetris blocks. Heck, at the very end of the game he managed to survive a several story drop and just walked it off.
Jin: And last but not least, he was able to defeat none other than his own father The Guy. Who also seemed to go under some ridiculous supersizing abilities as the rest of the foes that The Kid has fought.
Dark Pit: But, there’s one critical flaw to The Kid’s attributes. He’s a victim to the one-hit deaths, where if he gets hit once he’ll get completely splattered all over the walls.
Jin: But, The Kid’s still had plenty of abilities to get through all of the obstacles that he has fought. Even the cheap and unfair ones that cause people who are playing his game to writhe in their own agony.
The Kid: Wait...! Former grandfather The Guy, you killed him!
The Guy: As you will now try to kill me... Or be killed yourself!
The Kid: NO! I WANNA BE THE GUY!
Angry Video Game Nerd[]
Dark Pit: I, still don’t see how this is gonna work. Like, seriously just some guy that’s been recording things in his basement--
Jin: Fine! Just read along with the script and this will be a piece of cake, I can cover most of it. And think about it this way, no need to worry about Alucard as he was completely obliterated by the--
Alucard: HEY KIDS WANNA SEE A DEAD BODY?!
Dark Pit: ...You just HAD to jinx it, didn’t you Jin?
Jin: Eheh... But anyway, we’re here to now get through none other than the Angry Video Game Nerd, who was just your average video game reviewer. Only that he had to get past several opponents and even his own game!
Alucard: Wait, what? Now all of a sudden even fucking video game reviewers have powers? This world has gotten a lot less imaginative.
Jin: And one of the Angry Video Game Nerd’s main reasons for his abilities are his massive variety of weapons at his disposal. With the one he uses the most being the Super Scope, a firearm similar to that of a sniper rifle that can fire extremely damaging shots one after another.
Dark Pit: Uh, yeah. Just about everyone would know this so long as they’ve played Super Smash Brothers. And in order to get superhuman strength, he is able to equip the Power Glove on his right hand.
Alucard: Who even needs gloves in order to have power in your hands--
Dark Pit: No, we’re not going there. He also is able to use the Odyssey Gun, which is pretty much a rifle. And the NES Zapper that has unlimited ammunition, and is able to fire a barrage of bullets all at once.
Alucard: And what is most likely the only ability of this guy that would actually be useful in real-life, the F-Bombs. Which can be dropped like ordinary bombs by simply saying the magic word, the word in question you already know what it is so why bother explaining shit. And he also has a Power Pad on his back for flight as well as a U-Force to reflect projectiles.
Jin: And lastly, he has a traditional bow and arrow. And even a lightsaber straight out of the Star Wars franchise! The closest thing us Shinobi have ever gotten to that is Touya’s Ice Sword.
Dark Pit: Pch, I could make one of those in my sleep.
Jin: But what about being able to master this in your sleep? More specifically, being able to use the Hadouken and Sonic Boom from Street Fighter respectively. And he’s also able to fire a laser beam from his eyes by shouting ‘WELCOME TO DIE!’
Dark Pit: ...I guess I could give him some credit...
Alucard: What, are you seriously getting your jimmies rustled over some video game critic?
Dark Pit: Oh you’re one to talk.
Jin: Yeesh, they just cannot keep focus... But one attention grabber for sure is what the Angry Video Game Nerd can summon, as soon as he says ‘The power of Super Mecha Death Christ compels you!’ And yes, it’s exactly what it says, he summons Super Mecha Death Christ. Which can fire missiles, a barrage of bullets, lightning from his eyes and more! All just to defeat The Devil who possessed the Super Mario Bros. 3 cartridge.
Alucard: Back in the day they used to call me The Devil.
Dark Pit: How appropriate, you’re the devil to my sanity.
Jin: But even so, this critic doesn’t even need to use the Super Mecha Death Christ in order to overcome foes! As he’s defeated Freddy Krueger in the Dream World, R.O.B, Bugs Bunny, Jason Voorhees and Fred Fucks. The latter of which caused Game Land to get destroyed. And he’s flown to the sun in around 10 seconds, threw Independence Day around the world in around 6 seconds. And in the Nintendo Power intro, literally both the Earth and the Galaxy explode!
Dark Pit: ...Okay what the fucking hell, now all of a sudden fucking video game critics are able to overpower those who actually do work? Whatever god came up with that decision, I’d like to punt him completely off his feet like I did with that robot-like being back in the day.
Jin: That ‘god’ is none other than the Internet.
Dark Pit: ...Figures.
Alucard: Besides, the Internet is why I’m the Crimson Fuckr in the first place.
Dark Pit: More motivation for me then.
Jin: But this pal ain’t perfect sadly, as he isn’t really that bright and gets angered really easily. As it is is namesake. And his fighting isn’t brought out too often, making his fighting experience kind of lax. But he’s still going to this day, and that’s gotta be worth something!
Dark Pit: ...Well, with the exception of his other weakness. The cinemas. Now THAT was a disaster.
Angry Video Game Nerd: I'm losing my faith in the NES library! Was there any quality control here? You know, that seal of quality, did that mean anything?! Did anyone look at these games before they dumped them in the back of every KB's and Toys R Us? How many of these games are worthless?! All the LJN ones, I can tell you that! But there are good games here, there are! Zelda, Mario, Metroid, Contra, Castlevania, Mega Man... but then, A BIG FUCKING SHITSTORM HIT IT! A SHITSTORM, OF HORRIBLE GAMES! And in the middle of it all, a rainbow! A rainbow of shit! LJN! And Bill and Ted might even be, the worst LJN game on the NES. It doesn't just have some "flaws," there's no good and bad, this game isall bad. Like, I'm impressed! How did they do it? How did they make it so bad? Bad doesn't even describe it! It's disgraceful! It's putrid! In fact, I even looked up the word "putrid" in the dictionary. There's no definition. It's just a picture of Bill and Ted on the NES! Curse this fucking game! Curse the plastic that encases this dung heap! Literally! It's a plastic shell filled with shit! IT'S FUCKING SHIT! It's... it's ass... it's gar-bitch... and that's it. Good night.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Dark Pit: Let's just get this over with...
Jin: The wind of rage is almost upon us, and the peaceful residents of Game Land have been moved into something a bit more cheerful of a setting.
Alucard: Let's end this... 'Debate'... No fuck it, let's just end it in general as this really isn't much of a debate that people have tossed around.
Jin: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
Ahomeschoolingroudon[]
Angry Video Game Nerd’s Room
(Cue: Main Theme - Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures)
Cameras were surrounding the area; all of which being controlled by a single man named Mike Matei, as it seemed like another episode of one of the most popular webshows was soon to air. As the star of the show was walking into the camera’s view, the star being none other than James Rolfe, otherwise known as The Angry Video Game Nerd.
And with him was a computer, as there were not any cartridges this time around for the game he was about to play. “Surprisingly enough, I am using a computer this time around. Because I can only play this the same way as the rest of the internet.” The Nerd mentioned, as he opened up a game on his browser named ‘I Wanna Be The Guy.’
Mere moments after opening up the game and clicking start, he was greeted by the first screen with some apples dangling off trees in the scenery. As The Nerd attempted to walk past the first apple that was hanging above his character in the game, but just was only able to watch as the apple descended down quickly and struck his character. Only taking one hit for that character to meet his fate.
GAME OVER
PRESS ‘R’ TO TRY AGAIN
“AAAASS!” The Nerd shouted out of fury upon failing at the first screen of the game, knowing that there would be ridiculous amount of attempts to get through this section. He pressed the ‘R’ key in an attempt to do the whole thing over once more, as he was able to slowly move his character away from the oncoming apples.
“Okay, so these apples are just like the thwomps from Mario. You just need to get used to them--” The Nerd attempted to say, as his character jumped forward, only for him to be struck by an apple that seemed to defy the laws of physics as he fell upwards at his character, causing The Nerd to fail a second time.
GAME OVER
PRESS ‘R’ TO TRY AGAIN
“FUUUCK!! I can’t even get past the first screen of the game because of this horseshit! This is just too damn hard! It’s shit and only masochists should play it, end of story!” The Nerd snapped just moments after his failed attempt, as you could tell on his face he was now seething.
(Cue: Hunt a Soul - Guilty Gear Isuka)
The Nerd was about to delete the file for the game due to his anger controlling his behavior, but he was soon stopped... By a voice, coming from the game itself.
“You there, monster! You may think that you have all the power in the world, but you don’t know what it’s like unless you are in the game itself!” Called out the voice of the character he was playing as, named The Kid. Seconds later, The Nerd was finding himself getting pulled into the game.
“Ah fuckfarts, not again!” He shouted, before getting completely pulled into the game that he was playing, it turned out that this might not make for such a short review after all.
Within I Wanna Be The Guy: The Game
This was just like the world that The Nerd was trying to get past, with the trees off in the distance with apples ready to drop on it’s unsuspecting victims. Though by that point, both The Nerd and The Kid were not unsuspecting to those apples. But they were too focused with each other in order to bother for the moment.
“I know you’re the one that brought me into this mess you fuckface! Now get me out of here you fucking butt-mongrel!” The Nerd shouted in fury at the protagonist of the game he was in, but it did not seem like he would comply. “NO! I WANNA BE THE GUY!” The Kid shouted back, as he drew out his pistol.
“Then fuck you, you shitty anus brain abomination!” The Nerd retorted as he drew his own firearm of sorts, the NES Zapper. He already had plenty of batteries for it in order to have it last, and now he was ready to clash against this new character. Like he had done with plenty of characters before him.
FIGHT!
(Cue: Assholevania - Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures)
The two combatants quickly got themselves into high gear, as The Nerd was the first to take fire, quickly being able to aim in The Kid’s general direction. But rather than taking his time and firing each shot with accuracy, he repeatedly jammed his index finger on the trigger like a madman.
RATATATATAT!
Bullets were sent flying everywhere, though they were all heading directly towards The Kid at an extremely quick rate. This caused him to take a leap of faith over the barrage of bullets, with his cape hovering over him from behind as he did so, though he quickly realized he was about to drop down where one of the apples would follow.
As the apple dropped down from the tree and The Nerd had thought that this was just an easy victory, The Kid hopped again whilst he was still in the air, performing a double-jump. And because he was able to get away from the trajectory that the apple was falling from, it was a clean dodge and it just fell to the ground.
“For once I fuckin’ hate double jumps.” The Nerd remarked in silent but noticeable fury upon seeing this, and seconds later The Kid landed on his feet. Just ten meters away from where The Nerd was standing, before taking aim with his pistol and opening up his own rapid fire.
RATATATATATATAT!
“Oh shit!” The Nerd spouted out, flabbergasted upon seeing the amount of bullets he shot earlier seemed to just be rebounding back at him. Even though that technically was not the case. Before the bullets could hit him The Nerd took quick aim with the NES Zapper, rapidly hitting the trigger as quickly as he could.
RATATATATATATATATAT!!
It may have been hell on his fingers, but The Nerd was still able to counteract the bullets that was shot at him by The Kid. With each bullet blasted at each other being struck by the other, causing them to just dissipate.
With that barrage having been proven unsuccessful, The Nerd attempted to get up close in The Kid’s range, as if long-range fire would not work well. Then perhaps point-blank fire could. The protagonist of the game that these two were in sprang up as soon as he saw this, prepping himself for the oncoming assault.
As soon as The Nerd was just a few feet away from making a direct hit at The Kid, he clamped his finger down on the trigger of the NES Zapper, firing a shot that almost seemed like it was about to put The Kid down.
Well, almost.
The Kid was able to be nimble enough on his feet that he zoomed past The Nerd in a flash, which caused him to angrily turn around, with his NES Zapper pointed back towards him. He fired another shot, which caused The Kid to jump forward. And he might have been subconsciously crafty in the process, as the bullet struck a tree that was behind him.
CRACK!
The bullet caused a hole to get bursted into the tree, causing it to start collapsing towards the ground, as The Nerd saw it was about to land directly on him. “Fuck!” The Nerd shouted, as he rolled to the side in an effort to avoid getting crushed, while The Kid watched as he double-jumped onto a cloud.
CRASH!!
The tree found itself collapsing in mere moments, as The Kid had thought it had crushed his opponent due to the speed that it fell to the ground. But upon turning to his right, The Kid was able to learn that his perspective was dead wrong. “WHAT!?” The Kid shouted spastically, as The Nerd turned towards him as his opponent was still up in the clouds.
Literally.
“W-well, you still won’t be able to get past the abundance of apples like you weren’t able to in the game...!” The Kid replied, trying to keep a firm grip on his fear, though you could tell that he was shivering in his boots. But The Nerd just grinned as he pointed his NES Zapper at the apples, before opening fire at them.
BANG BANG BANG BANG!
All of the apples were shot at and were struck by direct hits by the NES Zappers rounds, and it did not even take a second for the apples to get disintegrated by the blasts, as the ashes were carried off by the winds. The Kid now had change of look from trying to remain calm despite being fearful, to just plain fearful.
“Now I’m playing with power! And by power, I mean the Power Pad!” The Nerd shouted in confidence, as he pulled out a gray floor mat with twelve different pressure-sensors, and he attached it to his back. Moments before the Power Pad was equipped on his back, The Nerd flew up into the skies towards the cloud that The Kid was atop of.
The Kid quickly attempted to hop to the next cloud, not having to worry about what The Nerd experienced when playing the game and the apples falling upwards rather than downwards, due to The Nerd having shot all of the apples into dust. And because of this, The Kid was able to jump to the next cloud without much hassle.
Though there was still plenty of hassle in general, as The Nerd was attempting to shoot at him while he soared through the skies with the assistance of the Power Pad, which was fluttering due to the winds. The Kid was able to platform his way into the next screen, which was practically coated with spikes.
“Now you’re about to feel the wrath of the power, Nintendo Pow--WHAT THE FUCK?!” The Nerd shouted out of shock upon seeing the amount of spikes, as he knew even with the help of the Power Pad this could very well be rough if he was not careful. As he attempted to point the NES Zapper at The Kid, who was jumping to the next cloud.
But once The Kid looked upwards, all he could see was a bed of spikes heading right down in an attempt to both stab him and squash him at the same time, just like the trap that The Nerd had mentioned one time in his Super Pitfall review. But rather than this one being unescapable, The Kid was able to jump off the cloud towards the left, as the bed of spikes only landed on the cloud itself.
The Kid used this as his chance, facing towards The Nerd up in the skies while double-jumping back onto the other side of the bed of spikes, where there were not any spikes in the first place. The Kid pointed his pistol, while The Nerd pointed his NES Zapper back in his direction.
And they both began to continuously fire.
RATATATATATATATATATATATATAT!!!
They both kept firing, with countless upon countless amount of bullets getting launched out of their firearms. The Nerd just treated his NES Zapper like it was a Machine Gun and just kept firing constantly, as did The Kid with his pistol. And it seemed like they would just stay like that constantly, at least until one bullet was successful at making it’s mark out of the many that were fired.
The Kid’s bullet, to be precise.
(Cue: Stage Boss #1: Butsutekkai - Ikaruga)
While it may have only struck The Nerd’s leg and pierced a small and barely noticeable hole through the Power Pad, it still hurt like hell for the target. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUUCK!” The Nerd shrieked, with a small amount of blood dripping out from the small wound. The Nerd was able to cover it in order to stop the bleeding; before turning back to The Kid, his pissed off meter starting to scale higher.
“Your mother!” Was all that The Nerd could muster up to say for the moment, unable to think of a good remark due to the pain that he felt, whilst the bed of spikes was being raised up higher into the skies, bringing The Kid upwards in the process.
And due to these turn of events and the turn of his anger, The Nerd pulled out another one of his accessories. This time it was the one that had the capabilities of granting The Nerd with strength more than any human could pull off, no less any nerd. This accessory was none other than The Power Glove, it’s so bad.
This accessory was attached to The Nerd’s right arm, as he was still able to fire his NES Zapper despite having it on. Though for what he was about to do, he grasped that firearm with his left arm for the moment as he flew towards The Kid. The protagonist of the game that The Nerd was trapped in attempted to get a perfect head shot, but his foe was just too fast.
The Kid was entering a panic attack once he realized that he was too close to get a hit in to even risk getting a head shot, jumping backwards in a frenzy while The Nerd swung his Power Glove equipped right arm forward in a jab. While The Nerd might not have been quick enough to strike the fleeing foe, he did strike the platform he was atop of. And the punch did damage to it far beyond that of a crack.
BOOM!
It exploded.
Each individual spike found itself scattered before getting launched across the skies, with some of them getting launched towards The Kid, causing him to make a desparate double-jump that was able to save him by just a couple of centimeters, as they cut through small parts in his cape before closely whizzing past him.
Though he was able to safely land on one of the platforms by a dangerously high amount of spikes, it would not be safe for long due to the platform quickly beginning to descend because of his weight. And that was not the only problem that he was about to face, as The Nerd was heading his way.
“I’m gonna break my foot off in your ass!” The Nerd shouted out of rage, before throwing another punch with the Power Glove at The Kid, and he missed again. Though once more he was able to destroy the platform The Kid was standing on, with the force to create a second explosion.
BOOM!
The blazing pieces of the platform fell down the small pit below it, as The Nerd was still attempting to land just a single hit at The Kid, up until he noticed that one of the small spikes that were launched from the explosion of the previous platform rebounded from one of the spike coated walls, piercing the velcro that kept the Power Pad on The Nerd’s back.
“Fuckshit!” The Nerd spouted out as soon as he felt the Power Pad slip off of his back, as he knew that now he would be unable to use his flight ability like he had been using to his advantage ever since he started using that accessory. And not long after, the two rapidly began to descend down the small pit, though thankfully they were able to avoid getting shish kabob’d.
But instead they were falling down from an altitude that not even they could comprehend, as The Nerd was attempting to swerve himself towards The Kid during the beginning of their fall in hopes that he could land a strike in. The Kid however was not panicking as what he was planning to do would kill off two birds with one stone.
As soon as The Nerd was attempting to swing his fist forward, The Kid ascended upwards into the sky, as he had opened up a parachute that he sometimes used upon entering a level. Not only did this allow for him to avoid the oncoming strike in the knack of time, but also allow for a safe drop while The Nerd would be going down a very, very large drop.
And The Kid thought that he could add insult to injury, as he looked down while The Nerd was still dropping, gradually descending faster as the ground began to approach, before firing a few shots from his pistol at The Nerd. The shots were able to strike him, though unable to kill him as he grunted in both agony and anger, as the shots now caused him to descend further down.
As it seemed like The Nerd was just a minute or so away from impacting the cold, hard ground below...
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK....!!!!!”
That was all that The Nerd was able to shout as he was descending fast enough to the point of breaking the sound barrier, and this lasted up until he was just a few meters away from the ground, and The Nerd was too out of breath to say anything witty before hitting the ground due to his shouting, and instead all he could do was just...
CRAAAASH!!!
Base of Mount Fuji
(Stop-Music)
A large crater was formed into the surface of Earth, though it was just barely out of the way of Mount Fuji so it would not do any harm to the mountain. Just moments later The Kid was able to land; only his was a safe one due to his parachute, before looking back at the crater that The Nerd had formed.
The Kid had figured that the fall was enough to put his foe down, even though he was unaware of his surroundings, perhaps it would be best to go back to his search of finding The Guy, and become the new ‘The Guy’ once and for all--
(Cue: Laughin’ Jokin’ Numbnuts: Heavy Metal Remix)
BANG!!
The Kid was immediately startled by the sound of the gunshot he heard, as it came straight from the crater. And he had the right to be startled, as the shot that was fired from the crater that The Nerd had formed by crashing into the ground. Though while The Kid was able to avoid the bullet fired at him, he was still petrified regardless.
And while all of this happened, The Nerd was slowly wandering out of his crater.
“Now you’ve done it, gone and PISSED ME OFF!!” The Nerd shouted, now showing the most amount of rage that he’s shown... Well, pretty much in the last review that he had done. But that was beside the point, the point was that he, was, PISSED.
“T-that’s impossible!” The Kid cried out, barely able to muster up the courage to even speak with his enraged combatant he was put up against. And within seconds The Nerd revealed that he had put the NES Zapper to the side, in favor of his Super Nintendo’s Super Scope. Even if he found it ridiculous that the actual trigger was at the top rather than where it was supposed to be in any other gun ever made.
But even so, he could still fire it like a traditional gun, so that hardly even mattered.]
The Kid was too speechless to even utter a single word out of his mouth, as he was anticipating for when The Nerd’s next move would take place. Which was quicker than he would have hoped, as The Nerd quickly began firing rounds that were much, much more powerful.
The Kid continued to jump away from each and every shot, though some of them were still able to graze the clothing that he wore. But even so, The Kid was still able to keep standing, as he attempted to fire some rounds at The Nerd whilst he was still in the middle of firing his Super Scope.
But even despite the attempt of trying to catch The Nerd off guard, this would prove useless for The Kid once their two barrages of bullets met, as within seconds the bullets fired from the Super Scope overpowered that of the pistol’s bullets. And because of this, the bullets fired from the Super Scope were now starting to head towards The Kid.
Now this was when The Kid seemed like he was about to leap out of his own skin in fear, as he frantically ducked under the oncoming bullets, albeit his panicky state paid off as he successfully avoided the bullets once more. The Nerd seemed to now just be fed up with long-range, as he thought that now was his chance to get up close and personal with his fighting.
He pulled out what seemed to be the hilt of the sword, but from what The Kid could see there was no actual blade there that he could see. Or at least, at first due to it being a Lightsaber straight out of Star Wars. And as soon as it was activated, The Kid once again remained as fearful as ever.
But The Kid continued to try and sound like he was not fearing for his life, and pointed his pistol at the opposing foe. “Y-you don’t belong in this world!” The Kid declared.
“YOUR ASS DOESN’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!!” The Nerd shouted with the same fury that he felt when he dropped down the pit, before charging towards The Kid with his lightsaber at the ready.
SWISH!
The Kid pivoted to the side just in time, as The Nerd had swung his lightsaber downward, as the unexpected evasion caused the lightsaber to strike the ground and sparks to fly all over the place. And the potential that The Nerd’s lightsaber had at his disposal quickly turned from a strength to a flaw, as it burned through parts of the ground until it got wedged between two rocks.
“Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me!” The Nerd shouted out of rage as soon as he saw that his lightsaber had gotten itself stuck, as he attempted to pull it out of the ground. And this was when The Kid went from fearful to becoming courageous enough to fight back against The Nerd while he gotten himself in a pickle.
“I WANNA BE THE GUY!” The Kid shouted upon pointing his pistol at The Nerd while he was still attempting to retrieve his lightsaber, but it was all for nothing as The Kid began firing a bunch of bullets at The Nerd. It did piss him off further, something that The Kid sure did not want to see be brought out, but it still was quite the painful experience that The Nerd had to face.
And you could very well tell how painful it was for him to endeavor by the expressions he had on his face, one that could only resemble that of sheer agony. “AAAAAAASSSSS!!!” Was what The Nerd shouted upon The Kid ceasing his fire, before falling over to the ground, with blood stained across the entirety of his clothing. “And I will also become the hero, first by exterminating you from this game!” The Kid added.
The Nerd still had the strength to push himself up slightly, as the Power Glove was also there to assist with such. “No...” The Nerd muttered, giving The Kid a fearsome glare whilst clutching something that he held near and dear to him.
“This is my hero!!” The Nerd shouted, revealing what he was clutching was none other than a plushie of his childhood icon, the platforming hero that started it all, Mario. He then attempted to toss the Mario plushie at The Kid in hopes that, while it would seem absurd, his throwing arm was enough to strike his foe and finish him off.
But as it turns out, he would be incorrect.
The Kid was able to hop over the oncoming Mario plushie, making what seemed to be the last ditch effort on The Nerd’s end almost pointless. The Kid pointed his pistol at The Nerd while he seemed to be still down for the count, about to fire. “As I have said, you don’t belong in this w--!” The Kid was trying to say, but soon realized that The Nerd...
...Was now starting to get back on his feet, even if he was struggling to do so.
“T-the power...” The Nerd was trying to say, as he was also trying to stay steady upon getting off the ground. He scraped off all the blood and dirt that covered his attire, while The Kid attempted to fire a bullet out of his pistol, though he was hesitant of doing so.
And it was not hard to see why The Kid was so hesitant, as this time it was The Nerd who dodged the oncoming attack, with a tilt to the left.
“The power of christ...” The Nerd still attempted to say, coughing in the middle of his sentence. The Kid still tried to treat this as nothing, perhaps maybe his foe was just making a final prayer before his inevitable doom, so as such he attempted to fire another shot at his foe. Though The Nerd clenched his fist, tilted himself to the right, and mustered his voice up to let out a loud chant. And it could only mean one thing.
“THE POWER OF SUPER MECHA DEATH CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!”
(Cue: Final Gauntlet Part 2 - Contra III: The Alien Wars)
“WHAT?!” The Kid shouted, though he was more surprised than he was questioning what he had just said, before the ground beneath him began to rumble. And all that The Kid could hear and feel was the oncoming of explosions, and a deadly presence heading his way...
BOOM!!
“FUCKERS!”
This was no normal Jesus Christ that someone religious would be accustomed to, in fact it was quite the opposite. As it looked a ton more mechanical than it did holy, and it had countless amount of barrels when it came to guns. Including that of the one you would see on a rocket launcher. Though, this could be the idea of holiness for some people who browse the internet.
But besides that, this new figure was exactly what the chant said, Super Mecha Death Christ.
And this guy was not one to take prisoners, as he wasted no time in shooting at The Kid with his nearly full arsenal, which caused the panicking combatant to start scaling Mount Fuji in an attempt to avoid the relentless onslaught of bullets that was heading his way. And this onslaught was nothing like the Mother Brain fight that he faced before, so he had no choice.
And this strategy seemed to start working out for him quite well, due to all of the bullets just getting soaked up by Mount Fuji rather than blowing The Kid to bloody bits. At least, until Super Mecha Death Christ was about to unleash another part of his ludicrous arsenal.
This time he was bringing out something that would certainly be a doozy to both Mount Fuji and The Kid, instead of just regular bullets, he was instead bringing out a collection of missiles. Now The Kid was once again getting panicky, but he figured that if he could scale all the way up the mountain to avoid attacks, he could just as easily scale back down in order to get the same effect.
Without any time to waste, The Kid started to scale down the mountain as Super Mecha Death Christ fired off the first missile, with The Kid yanking his cape along with him so it would not get snagged by the oncoming projectile. And this would turn out to work well, as the first projectile was a few meters short of missing it’s target.
BOOM!
The Kid hopped over to the side as soon as the explosion was generated by the missile, as Super Mecha Death Christ could not afford to stand around and stall, before firing the second missile at The Kid. Only for it to have the same results as the first time, even with the same amount of meters off.
BOOM!
This time The Kid pivoted to the left instead of the right, so he was back in the direction where he first started off scaling down the mountain, though of course he was much closer to the base of it than earlier. “FUCKEEERS!!” Super Mecha Death Christ shouted again, only even louder as he fired off a third missile.
BOOM!
Only there was no three times the charm this time, as The Kid just slid down the rest of the mountain that there was to scale down, making a solid landing while the explosion failed to even graze him. The Nerd was just getting worried upon seeing the end result of the destruction as dust settled, with a lot of Mount Fuji having been blown to pieces and the whole mountain seemed slightly unsteady.
“Watch where you are fucking shooting that thing, I would rather not risk summo--!” The Nerd attempted to warn Super Mecha Death Christ, but the holy being stopped him from speaking by whacking him with one of the barrels of his gatling guns. “WATCH YER FUCKING LANGUAGE!!“ Was his response, before pointing all of his weaponry back at The Kid, who was twirling his pistol in his hand.
RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT!!!!!
Super Mecha Death Christ shouted what seemed to be a battle cry, as he fired countless of his machine guns, gatling guns, name just about any type of gun that you could think of and he was using it right then and there. The Kid had to dash as fast as he could to the right, firing some of his own bullets from his pistol at the opposing enemy.
Now this was turning into a complete bullet hell, as an unimaginable amount of bullets continued to be fired from both Super Mecha Death Christ and The Kid respectively. Though while some of which were able to counteract each other, other bullets have been able to slip by and either nearly hit The Kid, or because the mechanical yet holy being was such a large target, be able to strike him.
While all of this was going on, The Nerd looked up into the skies, as he could have sworn that he was able to see something. And he was right, none other than his trusty Power Pad from before had been falling slowly from the skies after he had fallen earlier, “Better late than fucking never.“ The Nerd muttered under his breath, as he snatched the Power Pad out of the air, just in case he were to need it prior to looking back at the bullet hell nearby.
“FUUUUCKEEEEEERS!!”
More bullets continued to be fired from Super Mecha Death Christ and The Kid, the former of which adding onto the chaos with his eyes starting to discharge with electricity, able to spice it up due to not having to worry about the impossibly high amounts of recoil a normal person would be getting up to this point.
ZZZZAP!!
Two blasts of lightning were launched out of Super Mecha Death Christ’s eyes towards The Kid, though directed just beneath him so it would not hit him directly. This was being used as a distraction, and it seemed to work as The Kid suddenly just stopped in his tracks. Without hesitating, Super Mecha Death Christ fired another missile towards The Kid, and this time it seemed like it would hit it’s mark head on.
BOOM!!
The explosion was too massive in order to see whether The Kid was really hit or not, as The Nerd could just barely see that he was trying to jump backwards in order to avoid the oncoming attack. But he sure figured that The Kid was as good as dead by that point, so he felt it was safe to approach the scene.
“Well, at least that bullshit is over with.” The Nerd commented, as if he were to be an alternate persona known through folklore simply as, the ‘Bullshit Man.’ But The Nerd was just whacked by the barrel of Super Mecha Death Christ’s gatling gun for a second time. “I SAID, WATCH YER FUCKING LANGUA--!!”
WHIIIIRRRR!
Super Mecha Death Christ’s scolding was interrupted by a sound coming from the smoke caused by the explosion, as it quickly began to clear out, showing The Kid pointing his pistol as it seemed to be charging up a shot, Mega Man style. Before The Kid fired it quicker than Super Mecha Death Christ could defend itself, striking the holy yet mechanical being right in the face.
This caused Super Mecha Death Christ to let out a roar, as he was trying to let out another onslaught of bullets while The Kid was charging up another blast from his pistol, in the midst of all of this The Nerd fleeing from sight with his reacquired Power Pad.
“FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRS!!!!!“
This was the last thing that Super Mecha Death Christ could say, as The Kid fired the charging shot from his pistol that he was trying to make as powerful as possible in order to put an end to this, as Super Mecha Death Christ was not even his main combatant. Though it was successful, as it completely blew the artificial holy being’s head open. The Kid then fled the same way that The Nerd did, as he was right about to...
BOOOOOOOOM!!!
Self destruct. Which he very well did, having his explosion span several meters across, which caused The Kid to jump once, then use his double-jump to cause the explosion to just be a hair off from making contact with him and ending the chaos that still ensued. But that will just have to take longer for one to end off the other, as The Kid landed back on the ground, without a scratch on him.
The Kid looked back, wondering where his foe had wandered off to, thinking that perhaps he just fled from the entirety of the fight. And maybe he would automatically be deemed the winner after all--
ZOOM!
(Cue: Final Battle - Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures)
“Now you will feel the true wrath of the power, NINTENDO POWER!” The Nerd shouted, as he had now gotten the Power Pad strapped back onto his back, enabling him for flight like he was at the start. And that was not the only accessory he had with him, he also had a Konami Laser Scope on his head, the Super Scope still and the U-Force.
The Kid however, was sick and tired of remaining fearful all this time, he figured that now was the time that hopefully he could stand against The Nerd in a final showdown. As The Nerd ended up drawing out an unconventional weapon to start out with, a bow and arrow that he used against the Sega 32x.
He inserted an arrow into the bow, before pulling back whilst he took aim at The Kid, who was surprised that he was even using that type of weapon in the first place. As soon as The Nerd was able to take aim with this weapon, he fired away at The Kid with the arrow. Though it was just not enough, as he pivoted to the right.
“Alright, screw this!” The Nerd shouted upon seeing how taxing firing that shot was just for a result like that, even if he did somewhat see it coming due to how much The Kid has been able to dodge throughout the entire fight, to the point where he felt like it was a miracle that his feet haven’t gave out. A miracle for the foe anyway, definitely not for him.
The Nerd tossed the bow off, knowing that it would not work out as well as it did on the Sega 32x that he used it for. He instead put his hands up in a pose that would not seem out of the ordinary if he were to be in say, Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat. In fact what he was about to do, was from the former.
“HADOUKEN!” The Nerd shouted, launching a blast of blue spirit energy from the palms of his hands as he thrusted them forward. Though The Kid was very well startled by this, he had experience with Hadoukens thanks to his fight against the gargantuan green Zangief nicknamed only as Kraidgief, so he was able to jump over it no problem.
BOOM!
Instead, the blue spirit energy was able to strike Mount Fuji, being able to detonate another portion of the mountain that seemed like it was ready at any moment to collapse in on itself. The Kid was now charging up his pistol for a shot at The Nerd, which he was beginning to charge up as soon as he avoided the Hadouken...
WHIIIIIIRR!
The Kid was ready to fire this at any moment, as while he was still up in the air from avoiding the Hadouken, he pointed his pistol at the seemingly vulnerable Nerd. Keyword being seemingly, as he was about to pull off another Street Fighter technique, this time one that The Kid was not as familiar with.
“SONIC BOOOOM!”
With a quick cross slash using both of his arms, The Nerd tossed a wave of energy in the shape of a crescent that was heading straight towards The Kid in a flash, “W-where did he get this power?!” The Kid spouted spastically, accidentally shooting his charged shot off into the skies while trying to avoid the wave of energy. Though while he did fail with his charged shot, he still avoided it by leaping over it, as it joined the Hadouken in striking Mount Fuji.
BOOM!
Now it seemed even more so that Mount Fuji was ready to collapse in on itself at any waking moment of it’s short life that it was about to have at this point, as The Nerd picked up a higher altitude in the air upon seeing that The Kid was able to dodge that as well, before glaring right at him. As it seemed like he had another scheme up his sleeve.
“THE KID, WELCOME TO DIE!!”
Upon uttering those famous words first coined by the master of magnetism, The Nerd fired lasers colored that of orange from his eyes, without even needing the help of his Konami Laser Scope. The Kid’s eyes widened upon seeing this lasers, it along with the Hadouken and Sonic Boom soon made him realize that this was no game player at all. He had his own powers that he could use at will.
And this could end very, very badly in the end because of it.
The Kid was able to push this thought to the side in the meantime, as he leapt backwards onto the battered Mount Fuji so he would not get fried by the laser and have no more thoughts at all. Now The Nerd new that he would have to use some more desperate measures, he knew that he should not have to use this now, but still.
“It’s time to start dropping some F-Bombs!!” The Nerd shouted, as he had a handful of bombs in his right hand, which still had the Power Glove attached to it. “FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUUUUUCK!!” He added, before dropping five F-Bombs at The Kid while he was still on Mount Fuji, which The Nerd was just able to put two and two together as The Kid jumped off of the close to collapsing mountain. If the mountain gets destroyed... Then that means that, the creature would get summoned...
“OH SHIT!!!” The Nerd shouted upon realizing this, but the F-Bombs were just a second away from detonating, so it was too late now...
BOOOOOM!!
(Cue: Final Battle - Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures II: ASSimilation)
The F-Bombs had detonated, destroying all that was left of Mount Fuji as The Nerd and The Kid could both feel that something was about to rise from below, something that would prove to be completely taxing. Though The Kid still felt like it was time to finish the fight, as the creature began to rise from the depths...
RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE!
The Kid pointed his pistol at The Nerd once again, as he began charging up another one of his shots while The Nerd was distracted by what was rising, as he could already see his head popping out of below where Mount Fuji was once standing. As he could only get the attention of The Kid by the whirring that the pistol was making.
As soon as The Nerd was able to turn his head around, The Kid fired the charged shot at the unsuspecting target, causing him to spring up by the unexpected surprise. The Nerd pulled up the U-Force into the trajectory line that The Kid fired his pistol at, causing the charged shot to just get reflected back at him.
The Kid was now the one to get caught off guard, as the reflected shot was moving even faster than when it was shot out of his pistol, which caused The Kid to hastily duck under the oncoming shot. It was successful, but he was soon interrupted by the creature underneath Mount Fuji, which had now fully risen from the depths, as he let out a very loud roar that shook the ground beneath it.
RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE!!
This creature’s name was the one that would be familiar to that of The Nerd, though confusing to anybody else who would try to say it, Death Mwauthzyx. Or as the Nostalgia Critic would attempt to pronounce it, Tfphffmwxicks. Though this creature was nothing to laugh at, as he was the one who created God and Satan, and is able to have potency unlike no other before him.
But even with this looming threat upon the two combatants, they just continued to duke it out, with The Kid attempting to continuously shoot at The Nerd with normal rounds from his pistol, and The Nerd shooting from his Super Scope and from the Konami Laser Scope, whilst shouting “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!”
But this time it was The Nerd’s firearms that were able to get the upper hand, as he overwhelmed The Kid with constant steams of bullets, before letting out one more “FUUUCK!” Which allowed him to toss an F-Bomb in his direction, as The Kid could only hear the ticking... Moments before...
BOOOOOOOM!!
A massive squirt of blood was all that The Nerd could see outside of the smoke that came from the bomb, and being able to hear it audibly as it seemed to echo within his ears. As it seemed like his foe had been killed off, and the screen showed this too.
GAME OVER
PRESS ‘R’ TO TRY AGAIN
But as The Nerd turned back to Death Mwauthzyx after putting an end to The Kid, he realized that the foe he had killed off was the sacrifice that he needed in order to slightly weaken the beast underneath Mount Fuji, due to him roaring even more audibly than before, as the satellite singly turned on his head. And this could only mean disaster, right out of the gate...
B-BB-B-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The satellite getting turned caused the universe that they were in to get completely wiped out of existence entirely, as The Nerd was just in the midst of all of this chaos caused by Death Mwauthzyx, as it seemed like the multiverse was next in line to get wiped from existence entirely...
But amazingly, The Nerd fought back.
He pointed his head towards Death Mwauthzyx so the Konami Laser Scope was in his direction, as well as pointing his Super Scope in that direction as well, before shouting final words to the beast. “So, your name is ‘Death Mwauthzyx?’ Well I’m about to fucking show you what death really is like, YOU SHITLOAD OF FUCK!!”
Constant streams of bullets were launched from the Super Scope along with the Konami Laser Scope as Death Mwauthzyx roared out of agony, before one last F-Bomb was dropped in his mouth. And it finished it all off with a...
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
Death Mwauthzyx was very well dead, as The Nerd looked around to see that the Game Land he was in to get completely obliterated by any believable measure, widening his eyes as he saw this. “OH SHIT GAME LAND IS FALLING APART!” While explosions absolutely filled the entirety of the world he was in.
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
Angry Video Game Nerd’s Room
As soon as the explosions filled the entirety of the Game Land, The Nerd was launched straight out of his computer screen and back on the couch with an “Oof!” The Nerd shook out of his disoriented state, as he looked back at the game, and then recalling back to what he had just witnessed.
“I had just killed off the main protagonist of the game! And brought about Death Mwauthzyx onto that Game Land and completely obliterated it! All because I gave it dissing! What was I thinking?!” The Nerd shouted, in order to close off the review.
But, he did still come out victorious, once and for all.
K.O!
Conclusion[]
Dark Pit: ...What. In the fuck. Did I just witness?
Alucard: You don’t wanna fuckin’ know.
Jin: Well, sadly this one was not as fair as we would have hoped. While sure that The Kid is able to defeat that of Kraidgief, the moon pushing Dragon Devil and Bowser. As we have stated, it takes only a single hit for The Kid to meet his end. And with the amount of projectiles and close-range abilities The Nerd could do, this would prove to be the his critical downfall.
Dark Pit: Yeah, the bad part is that The Nerd has pretty much every single advantage under his belt with the exception of experience. Not only did he have the terrain advantage with the Power Pad and the strength advantage with the Power Glove, but was also more than capable of taking a beating, like he’s done with R.O.B.
Jin: And, The Kid just could not keep dodging forever, as the Nerd’s speed is incredibly ludicrous. Remember how we’ve said that The Nerd is able to go from Earth to The Sun in 10 seconds? Well, the distance between Earth and The Sun is 92.95 million miles, so that means that the Angry Video Game Nerd could go at 9,295,000 miles per second, or 33,462,000,000 miles per hour! To put that in perspective, the speed of light is 671 million miles per hour. So he’s nearly fifty times the speed of light!
Alucard: Yeah, and with speed like that it’s no fucking wonder how The Nerd was able to get a hit in when it came to The Kid.
Jin: And just recently with the release of Angry Video Game Nerd II: ASSimilation, it turns out that this would get even worse. As with the help of the Nostalgia Critic, The Nerd was able to defeat Death Mwauthzyx from the movie. Who is able to erase the universe and the multiverse from existence, collapse the ultra and mega verse and flatten the six dimensions into one!
Dark Pit: Yeah, I’m still salty over the fact that a reviewer all of a sudden has these abilities.
Jin: So, with destructive potency that high and speed that incredibly fast it was no wonder that The Nerd was able to bring this one home. As The Kid’s better knowledge on fighting still would not cut it. Just should not be kidding around, here.
Dark Pit: ...Can’t believe I’m saying this, but the winner is, The Angry Video Game Nerd.