Description[]
Red VS Blue vs. Hyun's Dojo. They may be goofy characters, but they are also skilled swordsmen behind those armors.
Introduction[]
Boomstick: Sword fighting is a means of combat you will find anywhere, utilized by just about anybody. Even those who at first don't seem all that formidable.
Wiz: Like Lavernius Tucker, the Great Key wielder of the Blue Team.
Boomstick: And Gildedguy, the armored Slush Fighter from Hyun's Dojo. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Tucker[]
Wiz: On a far off planet, there is a Gulch, Blood Gulch, which is the setting of a war between two sides themed after a rivalry as long as time; Red VS Blue.
Boomstick: But it's not really a war because, spoiler alert, the two sides where in fact simulation troopers. Basically glorified training dummies for the members of Project Freelance to stretch their skills against.
Wiz: But as it turns out the Simulation Troopers of both sides would end having a greater impact than anyone would ever suspected. Including one member of the Blue Team, Lavernius Tucker.
Boomstick: "Lavernius"? Now that's a name for someone from a Sci-Fi series.
- Background
- Height: Est. 5'7
- Member of the Blue Team
- Father/mother to an alien
- Trained by Agent Washington
- Catchphrase: Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow
Wiz: Yeah, but it's a bit of a mouthful so he just goes by Tucker.
Boomstick: Like everyone else in Blood Gulch, Tucker had no idea that he was fighting a fake war, but probably wouldn't care either way.
Wiz: You see, Tucker is afflicted with a common symptom that plagues many a young man; a sex drive.
Boomstick: Probably wishes he had checked ahead before joining the army to make sure that it wouldn't be a sausage fest. It got so bad for old Tucker than he had to make a boulder his girlfriend.
Wiz: Ugh, the stories it could tell. Luckily we have some of Tucker to focus on instead. Like the time he found a legendary alien artefact; the Great Key.
Boomstick: You mean that plasma sword?
Wiz: Yes. The aliens constructed it as a means to access other legendary temples and to active their functions, but it can function as a sword as well.
Boomstick: Because when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death. And I thought Kingdom Hearts was good at presenting keys as deadly weapons.
- Arsenal
- Great Key
- Designated Marksman Rifle
- Magnum Pistol
- Fragmentation Grenades
- Plasma Grenades
- Mark VI Armor
Wiz: As Tucker was the one to pick up the weapon after its previous owner was killed, the blade will deactivate if anyone else other than him picks it up.
Popup: When Felix threw his own Great Key, the blade remained activated, so direct contact from someone besides the owner is what causes it to shut down.
Boomstick: The only way for someone to free it up to use is for them to eliminate the current user. But Tucker isn't going to just sit back and let that happen, because he's actually become fairly formidable with it.
Wiz: Well to be fair anyone with a giant laser sword would be dangerous to be underestimated but after receiving some quick training from the Freelancer Agent Washington Tucker got some skill in close-quarters combat. Who better to train him in the ways of an alien sword than a super soldier skilled with knife fighting?
Boomstick: Plus, owning the sword means that Tucker is immune to time manipulation. Whenever someone reverses time, Tucker remains aware of the previous time period, meaning you can't get the drop on him by reversing time, like Wyoming found out the hard way.
Wiz: The Great Key isn't all Tucker had on hand however. He also has a fairly sized arsenal of guns.
Boomstick: Like his Marksman Rifle or his Magnum Pistol, which itself has a yield of 3 megajoules (Regicide)
Wiz: And there are the two different kinds of grenades he can use.
Boomstick: Fragmentation Grenades, or Frags, are you standard kind of grenade which cause your standard explosion, but Plasma Grenades are much different to what we have, so much so in fact they keep getting mistaken for spiders.
Wiz: Although rarely lethal, the explosion from a Plasma Grenade can blast a person back with a concussive explosion, often resulting in a total knock-out. And in case there's anyone who hasn't noticed but Tucker always checked out in a Mark VI armor, which boasts an impressively survivability insurer. Not only does it serve to protect the wear from harm, but it can also recycle oxygen to enable survival in space or underwater.
Boomstick: For a really long time, as other users of the armor have demonstrated. You know, I think we still have our armors from that Meta VS Carolina episode somewhere in storage. Maybe we could bring them out and see just how tough they are.
Wiz: Well, we kind of already know. Remember, we analyze armor in addition to weapons and skills.
Boomstick: Spoilsport...so, how tough is this armor.
- Feats
- Somehow gave birth to an alien
- Defended an alien temple all by himself
- Survived a 50 megaton explosion
- Stabbed the Meta
- Tricked Felix into confession his true colors
- Scales to other Simulation Troopers
- Defeated Wyoming, Felix, Temple
Wiz: Well, Tucker and the other Blues and Reds survived being in close proximity to a bomb that exploded with 50 megatons worth of energy, and they all walked away from it just fine.
Boomstick: Pretty impressive for a guy who was rejected for actual combat. In fact he's become one of the most competent of the Simulation Troopers. Which would put him a bit above others like the Orange Lazy-boy Grif, who dodged point blank rifle fire from Agent Washington. That happened before they were friends.
Wiz: Even more impressively, Tucker once took to defending an alien digging sight from an Insurrectionist member.
Boomstick: In case you didn't know, the Insurrectionists were among the few groups capable of going toe-to-toe with Project Freelancer and that's no different for the one that Tucker had to ward off.
Popup: Specifically, it was unlikely that Tucker directly fought this Insurrectionist, as he was able to fight evenly with Agent Texas who would go on to curb-stomp Tucker. So it is likely Tucker warded them off tactically.
Wiz: And after that, Tucker became on the leader figures in the War for Chorus, uniting its divided people to fight their true enemy, Charon Industries.
Boomstick: Thanks to him and the other idiots, Charon's crimes were soon brought to light and was taken down. Tucker even got to wear the Meta's old armor so he and his friends could fight their way out of a tight spot. Too bad he didn't get to keep it; it was a good look for him.
Wiz: Well, it needed an AI to run, like the Active Camouflage he temporarily used. But the Great Key and his evolution into a capable soldier more than makes up for what he lacks.
Boomstick: Yeah...game. Bow-chicka-bow-wow!
Gildedguy[]
Wiz: The presentation of stick figure fights in animation are sometimes some of the most fluid and creatively shown.
Boomstick: It's a true testament to animators that they can make thrilling fights and compelling stories with characters who are literally just a bundle of sticks. And that's no exception for the adventures of a certain former Slush Fighter, Gildedguy.
- Background
- Height: Est. 5'9
- Rank: Wood
- Michael Moy's alter ego
- Occupations: Slush Invader, Rock Hard Gladiator, Animator, Duelist
- Likes bacon and hors d'oeuvres
Wiz: Before he was the armor wearing stick fighter he all know, Gildedguy was a simple house painter, but his real passion was to animate.
Boomstick: As animation is a long and lengthy process, he needed to find a way to pay the bills somehow, and I guess painting was the closest thing where he could utilize his artist skills. Takes a lot of skill to paint an entire surface the exact same color.
Wiz: Pretty sure it's not. Anyway, Gildedguy eventually stumbled upon a mysterious green pen.
Boomstick: Always happy to get himself a free pen for his work, Gildedguy pocketed it and used it to draw a suit of knight armor.
Wiz: To, most likely, his surprise, the armor ended up becoming real, and he wasted no time in donning it, claiming it as his own.
Boomstick: And why wouldn't he? Any artist has the right to claim their work as their own.
Wiz: From that moment onwards, Gildedguy would leave his job as a house painter behind to focus on becoming a full on animator. But being a part of a stick figure world meant that it wouldn't just be animating that would require a particular set of his skills.
Boomstick: Basically, stick figures are about two steps away from engaging in high paced battles with each other, so Gildedguy would have to stay on his toes cause a lot of battles were heading his way.
Wiz: Fortunately for him, Gildedguy was already a skilled fighter, as he demonstrated before he ever got his armor as a member of the Slush Invaders.
Boomstick: So wait, he went from a team of fighters to being a house painter? Weird. But anyway, Gildedguy's time with helped him develop skills in close-quarters-combat and wearing metal gauntlets must really improve the hardness with which he hits. But why use fists to see you through a scrap when you can instead use a sword?
- Arsenal
- Armor
- Reinforced by coins
- Sword
- Extends at command
- Stylus
- Generates hard light strands
- Used to fix his armor
- Armor
Wiz: Like his armor, Gildedguy created his sword using the mysterious pen. Resembling a Ninjato, a straight blade ninja sword created by Hollywood, although there are some historic swords with a similar appearance, I fell like it doesn't really fit with Gildedguy's overall appearance of that of a knight.
Boomstick: Oh who cares? A sword is a sword, and Gildedguy knows how to use it well, swinging it so fast is appears to bend about.
Wiz: It kind of does actually, and it can even extend dozens of times it own length, perfect for sweeping across the battlefield and catching anyone slow enough to not dodge in time.
Boomstick: To prove the pen is just as mightier as the sword, Gildedguy also uses a glowing stylus that he can use to weave hard-light cables in order to ensnare his opponents. Imagine; if his penmanship was any more jagged, then he could trap others inside of a barbed wire cocoon. Guess that's why cursive is so important to learn; it's so soft.
Wiz: The stylus is also used to repair Gildedguy's armor should it ever get damaged. There's also something else he uses in that regard. As it turns out, the armor itself is only simple copper and silver. He in fact uses golden coins to serve as the outer layer of the armor, to enhance it's toughness and to make sure he lives up to the Gilded part of his name.
Boomstick: Shouldn't he use a less expensive crafting component? Animators don't get paid for simply drawing a picture. Well, I mean they do, but not initially.
Wiz: Don't bring it up in front of Gildedguy, he gets jealously easily. In fact, it's kind of his inner darkness.
Boomstick: He's got a pretty good handle on it though. Like the time he absorbed the blaggard Bog into himself. He did this because their battle was otherwise a stalemate.
- Feats
- Harmed Bog
- Reacts to lightning travelling down a stand
- Fought Bog until daybreak
- Tricked Bog into entering his mind to imprison him
- Survived Jade's pillar busting attack
- Outran Clan Nemesis
- Defeated Jade, Bog, Oxob
Wiz: Bog was able to tank a punch from a giant who was large enough to stand above the cloud line and Gildedguy fought him until the sun came up.
Popup: Although Bog has the ability to regenerate, his body was still tough enough to remain in one piece after the attack.
Boomstick: Gildedguy has even fought Jade on two occasions. If you need context, Jade's the leader of Clan Nemesis, a whole team of skilled fighters who prevailed over their enemies in glory. And yes, they must have because there's a whole museum about it. History is written by the victors after all.
Wiz: Whilst Jade came out on top during their first battle, which had her slam Guildedguy with an attack worth 53 kilotons (Kepekley23), the second saw Gildedguy taking the win, by fighting clever and using Jade's obsession with her museum to his advantage.
Boomstick: Yeah, Gildedguy's a smart fella and always quick to come up with winning strategies on the fly. He can fight against others with lightning dodging feats and once even reacted to a lightning current as it travelled down a line straight towards him.
Wiz: Gildedguy has rarely lost a fight, in fact his record is 4 to 1 considering his first fight with Jade, but it's rarely a cakewalk for him. His armor can be damaged and he often wins by the skin of his teeth or his aforementioned on-the-fly thinking.
Boomstick: But an unofficial Rock Hard Gladiator is still a Rock Hard Gladiator, as Gildedguy has proven any times over.
Wiz: And is sure to do so in the future.
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
The Battle[]
Setting: Gildedguy's workroom
Gildedguy sat on his desk, working on his latest animation before his door was suddenly kicked open, startling him into dropping his pen. He turned to see a guy standing in blue armor in the open door.
Tucker: Hey bud, I heard that you're a Rock Hard Gladiator. Well, not to brag, but I'm the most Rock Hard guy around here. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. So I'm here to show everyone that I got what it takes to glad it out.
Gildedguy looked at him with a deadpanned expression for a moment before shaking his head and turning back to his work.
Tucker: Hey! I'm talking to you here. Don't you ignore me in favor of tedious and worthless animations.
Gildedguy froze and turned around, his eyes narrowed.
Tucker: Ah, now I've got your attention. So, you wanna go?
He drew out the Great Key and activated it. Gildedguy put his pen down and got up, drawing out his sword.
Tucker: Alright, let's go!
FIGHT!
Gildedguy darted forward and slashed downwards, Tucker bringing the Great Key up to block the attack. The force behind Gildedguy's charge carried over to their blade lock, propelling the two of them out the study and through the wall out into Gildedguy's backyard. As Tucker was pushed backwards across the grass, he tensed himself and dug his heels into the ground, bringing Gildedguy's pushing to a halt. Tucker thrusted the Key upwards to break the blade lock before slashing at his opponent, to which Gildedguy brought his sword back down to deflect before lashing out with a counter strike. Tucker skipped back from the slash before darting back forward with a stab. Gildedguy dodged to the side before then slashing down with his sword, the attack getting deflected by Tucker as he regained his footing to swipe upwards with his sword. The two swordsman then engaged in a tirade of attacks and deflects with each other until Gildedguy aimed a slash at the side of Tucker's head. Tucker brought up the Key to block the attack before his other hand came up holding his Mangum, aiming it directly at Gildedguy's face. The swordsman's eyes widened and he darted his head to the side to avoid the shot. With his opponent distracted, Tucker spun around and slashed out with the Key, forcing Gildedguy to skip back, the plasma blade nicking the surface of his armor. As soon as Gildedguy landed back on his feet, Tucker aimed and fired a hail of shots from his Magnum. Gildedguy swung his sword back and forth to deflect the bullets as they came at him, even slicing one directly down the middle before charging back forwards. He slashed his sword upwards, cutting the barrel of the Magnum in half. Tucker grunted in annoyance and stabbed out with the Key, his wrist getting grabbed by Gildedguy. Gildedguy himself stabbed at Tucker from the side and his own wrist was grabbed, leaving the two of them struggling against each other's holds. This was ended by Gildedguy bringing his knee up to strike at Tucker's hand, freeing up his wrist for another attempt at an attack. Tucker was able to wrench his sword-hand out, even as it was held by Gildedguy, to block the sword as it came at his chest. Tucker then charged himself forward, pushing Gildedguy back with the blade lock until he was able to knock him onto his back. The Gladiator countered by flipping Tucker off of himself to land above him on the ground. As the simulation trooper got back up to face his foe, Gildedguy slid around to deliver a kick to Tucker's helmet, knocking him backwards. Now facing the sprawling Tucker again, Gildedguy lunged forward with a stab, which Tucker was able to counter as he sat back up by angling the Key up so that Gildedguy's sword slid between the gap made the two blades; a quick twist of his wrist and Gildedguy lost a hold of his weapon, which was sent spinning away several feet to impale in the ground. Gildedguy blinked at his empty hand before pulling back when Tucker slashed out, the plasma blade leaving a scar in his armor.
Tucker jumped back to his feet, swinging the Key out at Gildedguy, who guarded his head with his arms braced against its sides. The plasma weapon left scorched scars on the gauntlets and across the front of the helmet in the form of a glancing blow, but Gildedguy brought this to an end by uncrossing his arms suddenly the moment Tucker brought the Key down on his forearm, repelling Tucker backwards. Before he could recover, Gildedguy drove his fist into his visor before grabbing his sword wrist and getting behind him, twisting on the arm to force Tucker onto his knees.
Tucker: OW, OW, OW!
Gildedguy yanked the Great Key from his hand and stabbed it down at Tucker's unprotected back. However, the key deactivated so that his thudded harmlessly against Tucker's back, prompting Gildedguy to look at it in confusion.
Tucker: Aw, what's wrong. Performance issues? Bow-chicka-bow-WOW!
Gildedguy interrupted his usual catchphrase to yank Tucker backwards, sweeping his legs out from beneath him with one of his own. As Tucker was suspended mid-air, Gildedguy drew back his fist and slammed it into Tucker's face, driving him a few inches into the ground head first.
Gildedguy pulled back, letting Tucker get back to his feet so that the latter could see the former had tossed aside the deactivated Key and put his fists up.
Tucker: Close-quarters? Alrighty then, if you want a taste of my fists of fury, your wish is my command.
He threw out a powerful punch that was instantly caught by Gildedguy.
Tucker:...huh...
The Gladiator responded with a barrage of punches into Tucker's face and chest, which culminated in knocking him backwards. Tucker shook his head, snarled and came at Gildedguy again with a trio of punch, which were all strafed around by Gildedguy so he could deliver an uppercut into Tucker's chin. His next attack wasn't so lucky however, as Tucker was able to guard against it before countering with a roundhouse kick which smacked into the side of Gildedguy's head. Seeing he was finally getting somewhere, Tucker continued to throw punches at Gildedguy, nailing him the gut several times, but when next attempting a strike to the side of the head, Gildedguy grabbed his wrist and delivered a head butt. Dazed by the attack, Tucker couldn't react before Gildedguy delivered a powerful haymaker to his face that sent him flying back off his feet. He didn't fly back far though as Gildedguy grabbed him by the ankle to hoist him up and slam him onto the front of his chest, throwing up a cloud of dirt and leaving a small carter. Tucker rolled onto his back, groaning as he did whilst Gildedguy cracked his armored knuckles.
Tucker: On second thought, I'm just gonna go with guns.
He sat back up, his battle rifle aimed at Gildedguy, who scrambled to avoid the bullets as they were fired. Eventually, he ducked behind a tree, hiding their as Tucker got back to his feet for a clearer series of shots that riddled the trunk. Gildedguy peaked out as the magazine clicked empty, but Tucker reloaded quickly to continue firing, earning Gildedguy a glancing shot to his armored cheek. He pulled back behind the trunk, seeing a pile of bricks in front of himself. Stretching out a leg, he swept the brick up into the air, which instantly drew Tucker's attention even though he didn't stop firing. This was when Gildedguy charged out from behind the tree, his green stylus at the ready. As Tucker noticed him coming nearer, Gildedguy sent out a stand of green energy that snared the gun and allowed the Gladiator to pull it from his hands. Tucker stumbled forward as his weapon was wrenched from his grasp before Gildedguy flicked his wrist so that the butt of the gun smacked into Tucker's face, pushing him back before Gildedguy did the same again to this time strike him the head's side. As Gildedguy went for a third attack with this method, Tucker was able to grab the gun and pull on the string tied around it, pulling Gildedguy forward so that he could smack the butt of the gun across Gildedguy's cheek. Gildedguy recoiled back from the strike whilst Tucker pulled a grenade from his belt, priming it and throwing it straight at Gildedguy. The explosive clonked against his helmet and Gildedguy instinctively caught it, only having time to look down at the device and widen his eyes before it exploded.
Gildedguy was launched backwards, smashing through the wooden fence of his garden and out into the street. His armor was scarred and smoldering, but he got back to his feet regardless. Tucker picked up his Key and activated it as he stepped after Gildedguy.
Tucker: Right, now what?
Gildedguy narrowed his eyes at Tucker and held his hand up, revealing a strand was coming from the stylus. Tucker followed the line to see it extended past him and was wrapped around the hilt of Gildedguy's sword. Gildedguy tugged on the strand, pulling his sword forward. Tucker only just deflected the sword up into the air as it came at him, but this just freed it up for Gildedguy to jump up and grab the weapon. Landing behind Tucker, Gildedguy began swinging the sword all about him, extending it to a great length and making it seem like it was bending into a tornado. Tucker was barely able to parry the attacks but the intensity of them soon grew too intense until it culminated in Gildedguy swinging the extended sword upwards. Tucker guarded against the upwards strike but in doing so sent him flying up into the air.
From his place up in the air, Tucker looked down at Gildedguy and drew his arm and key back as he began to fall back down.
Tucker: Right, I'm ending this-
The Great Key's blade of plasma suddenly separated into two pieces.
Tucker:...now?
Gildedguy jumped up to meet the shocked Simulation Trooper, his sword flashing once as he slashed upwards, cutting through Tucker's waist. Tucker's life ended at once, his two halves crashing down onto the ground after Gildedguy had landed back on his feet. He flicked the blood from his sword before laying it across his shoulder in satisfaction.
KO!
Gildedguy sets about fixing his armor with golden coins and his stylus.
Outcome[]
Boomstick: And that's why Gold is the highest ranking color instead of Red or Blue. Whilst Tucker was one of the more formidable of the Simulation Troopers, the league Gildedguy belonged to was just a tad bit higher. After all, reacting to lightning and electricity certainly puts Gildedguy several times faster than poor old Tucker.
Popup: The Meta's Armor and Armor Enhancements are not available for Tucker to use without an AI, which he does not possess normally.
Wiz: Indeed it does and that's not all Gildedguy had going for him, as he has shown plenty of creative and critical thinking during a fight which would somewhat at the very least help him stay ahead. Also, whilst Gildedguy has shown to be at least well-versed hand-to-hand combat, Tucker primarily relies on his plasma blade for most. Disarm him of that, and Gildedguy's goal would be a whole lot easier. And whilst Tucker was the only one of the two to possess firearms, Gildedguy's extending sword meant that the distance difference wasn't all that vast.
Boomstick: But what was vast, or at least notable, was that Gildedguy was way to strong for Tucker to last against.
Wiz: Let us explain; one of Gildedguy's battles had him deal damage to Bog, who took a giant's punch worth 312 megatons of TNT (Kepekley23).
Boomstick: That punch left no visible damage on Bog, but Gildedguy's own punches were able to tear through him like paper, and that was before he used his sword.
Popup: It's possible animation limitations couldn't show if there was visible damage, but the fact remains that Gildedguy was able to harm Bog in the first place.
Wiz: With the strength to harm someone who can take hits of over 300 megatons of TNT, Gildedguy definitely had the strength needed to put Tucker down, who only took attacks of at most 50 megatons.
Boomstick: So it was only a matter of time before Gildedguy smashed through Tucker's armor, and the rest of him.
Wiz: In the end, Gildedguy's speed, strength and talents helped him pull the win.
Boomstick: And leave Tucker feeling a little Blue.
Wiz: The winner is Gildedguy.
Next Time[]
Immortal monsters
With undying hate
Trivia[]
- Connections: Both are armored sword wielding characters from web series who found special items (the Great Key and Pen respectively), enabling them to be dorky yet efficient fighters. Both have also been part of other groups of ragtag fights (Reds and Blues and Slush Invaders respectively) and have interacted with members of elite warrior groups (the Freelancers and Clan Nemesis respectively).
- Animation: Hand-drawn.
- OST Idea: 'From Cyan's Dojo', which is a pun on Hyun's Dojo, the channel which Gildedguy appears on which refers to the general color of Tucker's armor.