Tsunade vs. Rangiku Matsumoto is a What-If? episode of Death Battle.
Description[]
Two attractive females (and slackers) fight each to the death.
Interlude[]
Wizard: Guess what? We're making another Naruto vs. Bleach battle!
Boomstick: This time it's Lady Tsunade...the Fifth Hokage.
Wizard: And Rangiku Matsumoto, lieutenant of the 10th division of the Gotei 13.
Boomstick: Guess what our job is!
Wizard: That's right. We analyze their skills, then make them fight each to the death.
Tsunade[]
Wizard: Tsunade is the Fifth Hokage...however, she wasn't always the Fifth Hokage.
Boomstick: Back before she was the Hokage, she was a member of the legendary Sannin, along with Orochimaru and Jiraiya. And yes, Orochimaru has been in Death Battles before.
Wizard: Jiraiya in fact was offered the title since Orochimaru was a lunatic who killed the Third Hokage...well technically, he forced him into a heroic sacrifice, but you get the idea. However, he decided that Tsunade would be a better candidate for the title than he was.
Boomstick: Either that, or he was even more of a slacker than she was!
Wizard: Unfortunately for Tsunade, her life prior to being Hokage wasn't so pleasant. She lost both her younger brother AND her boyfriend Ran.
Boomstick: Does she want to kill herself?
Wizard: No, fortunately. At least Jiraiya's still around...oh wait, no he's not.
Boomstick: That poor woman.
Wizard: Ah yes...still, at least she has her apprentice Shizune and Sakura.
Boomstick: That's something!
Wizard: Tsunade is not a member of the legendary Sannin for nothing. For starters, she's an excellent healer. In fact, her skill in healing is legendary.
Boomstick: Aside from her healing skills, she's also capable of superhuman feats. For example, she's ridiculously strong!
Wizard: She once punched out a Susanoo. She's also clearly stronger than her apprentice Sakura, who was capable of launching a 400-ton iron block into the air.
Boomstick: She has also her own slug summon, Katsuyu!
Wizard: She can also transfer her chakra to others, and rearrange the nerve signals in their brain to practically paralyze them.
Boomstick: However, Kabuto was able to work around it. She also used to have a fear of blood, and she's also horrible at gambling despite her love of it.
Wizard: In fact, whenever she DOES win at gambling, something bad always happens.
Boomstick: Here's hoping she doesn't win the lottery!
Wizard: Yeah...that would be really, really bad. What if Sosuke Aizen himself shows up and destroys the Leaf Village?
Boomstick: That's not something I want to think about. Can we start thinking about Rangiku and her big beautiful-
Wizard: I hope you don't mean what i think you mean.
Boomstick: I was going to say face!
Wizard: Sure you were. Onto Rangiku.
Rangiku[]
Wizard: Rangiku is a Shinigami who serves underneath Hitsugaya, who despite looking young happens to be a Soul Society captain.
Boomstick: What a prodigy!
Wizard: Yeah. Unlike Hitsugaya, Rangiku doesn't take her duties as lieutenant seriously.
Boomstick: Naughty girl!
Wizard: However, this doesn't mean that she isn't an effective combatant when the situation calls for it.
Boomstick: She's also pretty smart! Don't assume that she's a brainless beauty, because she is not!
Wizard: I guess looks really aren't everything.
Boomstick: Are you nuts?
Wizard: Of course I'm nuts. I'm a mad scientist.
Boomstick: I still think I'm crazier. She's also strong enough to hold off a giant Arrancar who was trying to crush her with her foot!
Wizard: Rangiku is capable of taking on large groups at once with her zanpakuto.
Boomstick: Though she typically wields her blade, she also has shown skill unarmed. Whenever someone in the human world gives her perverted advances, you can bet she's ready to punch and kick them! She's done that to me more than once.
Wizard: Why am I not surprised?
Boomstick: She can also turn her blade to ash...wait, why would she want to destroy her own weapon?!
Wizard: That's actually an efficient tactic. She can use the ash to attack her enemies. Each participle is in fact a tiny blade. She can create her own lethal tornado to attack her foes this way.
Boomstick: She can also create a wall of ash!
Wizard: She also has enough stamina to hold her own in a fight against three Fraccion!
Boomstick: However, she has yet to unlock her bankai. Maybe they just don't get along.
Wizard: This is also her first Death Battle on this very wiki, so don't expect her to know the rules of Death Battle. And yes, this is a joke.
Boomstick: Let's make them fight to the death already! I want to see whose hotter!
DEATH BATTLE![]
Tsunade was feeling rather angry. She just received a ton of paperwork by Shizune.
"This makes me so mad!" exclaimed Tsunade, smashing her desk with her bare hands. "I feel like fighting someone to the death!"
She then remembered something.
"Oh wait, that's right. There's nothing stopping me from doing that. This is a Death Battle." remarked the Sannin.
She was going to have a lot of fun.
"Who shall I fight to the death?" asked Tsunade.
She then remembered something. Apparently, people thought that Rangiku Matsumoto was sexier than she was.
"How dare they! I'll show them!" shouted the Sannin.
She decided to go pay Rangiku Matsumoto a visit.
"I'm going to kill you, Rangiku!" exclaimed Tsunade.
"Not if I kill you first!" shouted Rangiku.
FIGHT!
Tsunade punched Rangiku in the face.
"Ow! Not in the face! That's the sexiest part of my body!" shouted Rangiku.
"You sure it's not your bosom?" inquired Tsunade.
"Oh, right. Silly me." answered the lieutenant.
In retaliation, Rangiku pulled out her blade.
"It's going to be so much fun cutting you to ribbons..." answered Rangiku. Now everyone would know that Bleach was better than Naruto.
"Fat chance!" stated Tsunade.
Immediately, Rangiku swung her blade at Tsunade.
However, Tsunade blocked it with her bare hands.
"How are you doing that?" asked Rangiku.
"You'd be surprised what I can live through..." answered Tsunade.
"What do you mean by that?" inquired the lieutenant.
Tsunade showed Rangiku a video of her shielding everyone from Pain.
"Damn..." remarked Rangiku.
Rangiku decided to do something different. She turned her own weapon to ash.
"You turned your own weapon to ash? That seems kind of...stupid." remarked Tsunade.
"Actually, it's not." answered Rangiku.
Suddenly, Tsunade found herself being cut up by what seemed to be tiny blades.
Things only got worse for Tsunade once they assembled into a tornado.
"This Death Battle is too easy..." remarked Rangiku.
"Wanna bet?" answered Tsunade.
"Wait, you're still alive?" questioned the sexy Shinigami.
"Yes, I am!" nodded the Sannin. If she were dead, the fight would be over and Rangiku could go back to slacking off at work.
Rangiku noticed that there were markings on Tsunade's body.
"Um, what's with the tattoos?" questioned Rangiku.
"It's my Byakugo Seal." answered Tsunade.
Curious, Rangiku noticed that the cuts in Tsunade's body seemed to be regenerating.
"How are you doing that?" asked Rangiku.
"Thanks to the Byakuga Seal, I get to regenerate myself constantly and increase my strength drastically...it's pretty useful." noted the Sannin.
"Oh bloody Hueco Mundo..." said the Shinigami. How was that even fair?
"Now then, why don't I introduce you to a little friend of mine?" inquired Tsunade.
Tsunade summoned Katsuyu.
"Um, define little." answered Rangiku.
Katsuyu proceeded to spit acid on Rangiku, stripping her to the bone.
"I think I'll hang this as a trophy outside my office!" cheered Tsunade.
Unbeknownst to Tsunade, Jiraiya was watching nearby.
"I think it's for me to whip out a restraining order..." noted Jiraiya.
KO!
Conclusion[]
After killing Rangiku, Tsunade decided to take a bath...in Rangiku's blood.
"This is so nice and refreshing..." remarked Tsunade.
Meanwhile, Hitsugaya was having a chat with Rangiku.
"Maybe if you hadn't slacked off on your duties, this wouldn't have happened to you!" exclaimed Hitsugaya.
"I'm sorry, Hitsugaya..." apologized Rangiku.
Boomstick: Well, that didn't turn out too well for Rangiku!
Wizard: According to the poll, Rangiku was more popular than Tsunade was. But what does that matter? This wasn't a popularity contest!
Boomstick: Unfortunately for Rangiku, though she had a slight speed advantage, Tsunade beat her in both strength and durability. And don't assume that Rangiku would have won simply because Yoruichi managed to beat Kakashi by a landslide and Byakuya managed to beat Itachi...Bleach doesn't always have better fighters than Naruto does!
Wizard: And unfortunately, Rangiku has not taken on an opponent that was strong as Tsunade before. On the other hand, Tsunade had taken on Madara, though she hasn't necessarily won against him.
Boomstick: Her regeneration abilities would also counter what Rangiku could throw out at her...and unfortunately, Rangiku has yet to unlock her bankai, so she wouldn't get to use it like some other Bleach combatants would.
Wizard: Tsunade could also mess up Rangiku's senses, which would decrease her combat potential drastically.
Boomstick: And Rangiku did not have a counter for Katsuyu, since she can split herself into pieces without dying!
Wizard: Katsuyu could also give Tsunade a healing or shield her if the situation called for it.
Boomstick: I guess Tsunade really slugged Rangiku!
Wizard: The winner is Tsunade.
Trivia[]
This is Rangiku's first Death Battle.