A crook and a cat walk into a bar... | |
---|---|
Season | 1 |
Overall Episode | 6 |
Season Episode | 6 |
Air date | 10/13/2023 |
Written by | BigShark81913 |
Episode guide | |
Previous Klowns vs Martians |
Next Klaymen vs Wayne |
Therion vs Puss in Boots is a What-If? Death Battle written by BigShark81913, featuring Therion from Octopath Traveler and Puss in Boots from Dreamworks.
Description[]
Octopath Traveler vs Dreamworks! When it comes to thieves, few are more cunning and talented than these two. Will Therion take one of Puss’ many lives, or will his quest towards freedom be cut short?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Trust is essential to living an acceptable life, despite if you’re one of the most feared legends of the land.
Boomstick: But some people can still be a badass despite depending on other people!
Wiz: Like Therion, the fabled thief hailing from Bolderfall.
Boomstick: And Puss In Boots, San Ricardo’s favorite fearless hero. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win...a Death Battle.
Therion is ready for DEATH BATTLE! Are you?[]
Wiz: Somewhere in the far off, desolate area of the Cliftlands lied a town called Bolderfall, a fairly large area with a rich, upper class towering above the poor plebeians.
Boomstick: And poor people weren’t even close to the main problem! The place was absolutely crawling with bandits, barbarians, and other gangly folk. Hell, you couldn’t even take a pleasant stroll around town without getting jumped!
Wiz: But among the scum of the Cliftlands was a feared and skilled thief with rumors of his exploits spread far and wide. This mysterious bandit was Therion.
Wiz: He... also had a thing for apples.
Boomstick: But, as you could probably tell from his… well, just how he looks in general, you could probably tell this tricky thief has a tragic past in store. Like, anime-protag level shit.
Wiz: Stealing from a young age, Therion was imprisoned at age 12 and there he met another thief and his future partner in crime, Darius. Darius had realized how gifted Therion was and had devised a plan to manipulate him and lead him to the top.
Boomstick: And they did become the best! Therion and Darius were the big dogs of the swindling business! That was, until Darius shoved Therion off a cliff and left him for dead. Harsh.
Wiz: Prior to… Therion’s mishap, Darius was offered by the villainous Cianno group a place in their ranks if he permanently got rid of his partner. Given that he was already at the top, Darius instantly took the offer.
Boomstick: Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark! Therion somehow survived taking the tumble down the cliff and ending up in the Bolderfall place we talked about earlier, and decided to crash there for basically most of his life, spending all his time honing his skill to get the last jab at his despicable red-headed gremlin of a friend.
Wiz: There he began to build more of a name for himself and keep stealing and stealing from the richer citizens. However, on one fateful day, he decided he would be the first to successfully steal from the fearsome Ravus Manor, a massive mansion with tales told of unseen riches hidden within.
Boomstick: And, after a successful bit of sneaky hijinx and LOTS of dead guards, our favorite slimy thief got his hands on a… small, colored egg? Modern art is shit nowadays.
Wiz: The object he attempted to steal was the Sapphire Dragonstone, one of four legendary and powerful artifacts that contain a mysterious magic that is said to derive straight from the dragons of old.
Boomstick: Blah, blah, blah. Anyways, he was caught in surprise by Heathcote, the butler of Ravus Manor. And the old bastard knew how to use a blade!
Wiz: Therion eventually bested Heathcote in combat, but the butler slipped one more dirty blow and attached a Fool’s Bangle on the thief. A Fool’s Bangle was a mark of shame that dishonored any thief wearing it.
Boomstick: Just like how I have that tattoo in my armpit to show that I’ve been banned from every Olive Garden in the United States! Wanna see?
Wiz: …soon after, Therion was introduced to the current owner of the manor, Cordelia Ravus. Cordelia explains to him that, in order to have the Fool’s Bangle removed, he would have to travel across the continent and collect all the missing dragonstones.
Boomstick: Wait, so he’s going to do this bitch’s chores so he can get a stupid steel bracelet removed?
Wiz: Essentially. With his current quest in mind, Therion went out to explore the entirety of Orsterra, ranging from the arid deserts of the Sunlands to the snow-covered plains of the Frostlands.
Boomstick: Don’t forget Noblecourt in the Flatlands, where Therion got his first clue on the whole Dragonstone confusion. The first stone was supposedly kept in the mansion of Orlick, a fat pig of a man who spent his time dirtying his fingers with Cheeto dust like a League fan.
Wiz: Actually, no. Orlick was nestled in his home, avidly studying the Dragonstone and it’s origins, slowly degrading his sanity and health. With the help of Barham, Orlick’s old partner, Therion was able to break into the mansion and confront Orlick.
Boomstick: Resulting in the death of the fatass, which was completely unnecessary because his cholesterol would have ended him first.
Wiz: With the first Dragonstone obtained, the thief continued his journey which landed him in the creepy black market of Wellspring, a town in the Sunlands. There he found the merchant keeping the stone, and attempted to steal it.
Boomstick: Suddenly, a group of bandits leap out of nowhere and rip the merchant into pieces! That took one hell of a turn! Therion chased after the crooks, of course.
Wiz: The thief chased the bandits into their den, where he was surprised to see one figure among all their riches: Darius. After supposedly killing Therion, Darius plundered many different areas and formed an entire platoon of bandits to spread his name across the globe.
Boomstick: That’s just nasty! As Darius delivered his villain monologue, Therion was engaged in combat by Gareth, his new right-hand man. As one does, our favorite edgy thief killed Gareth in cold blood and went to collect his Dragonstones while dealing with his past.
Wiz: Therion eventually ended up in Northreach in the Frostlands where Darius’ group was had made their playground of rats. There he was met by Heathcote, who revealed that he had a past life of crime and wanted to help the thief tie up loose ends and collect the Dragonstones.
Boomstick: And he did so by stripping a guarding brigand down to the tighty whiteys and infiltrating in his clothes. Inside of the base, he was met by his former pal and they had a wild duel for the treasure!
Wiz: Therion emerged victorious, taking the Dragonstones and leaving to head back to Bolderfall. Darius, however, was not so lucky, as he was killed by his own men in his weakened state. With a cheer from his rich employers, the thief returned to his homeland and delivered the prize to Cordelia and Heathcote. He had the bangle removed, and took away more than riches from his journey: he learned the value of friendshi-
Boomstick: Don’t get all Aesop’s Fables on me! For now, I just want to check out the weapons!
Wiz: Along with his high amounts of cunning and intellect, Therion has a selection of special abilities used in combat. Starting off, we have Steal, which… is pretty self explanatory. He just takes something from the opponent, whether it be useless or extremely powerful.
Boomstick: There’s also Wildfire, a magical ability that allows Therion to roast the opponent like a T-bone on a grill! Damn, he must be fun at parties.
Wiz: The HP Thief allows him to deliver a blow to an opponent and steal their health, allowing him to get out of sticky situations with this one move.
Boomstick: Therion can use Shackle Foe to… well, shackle a foe, which lowers their strength for a short period of time. He can also use Armor Corrosive, an ability that lowers the challenging knucklehead’s defense.
Wiz: Steal SP lets Therion rob his foe’s energy, and Share SP allows him to distribute it to allies or himself.
Boomstick: Fleetfoot increases his speed when used, Snatch doubles the amount of loot received when robbing some random feller, and Incidental Attack allows Therion to strike back instantly when attacked.
Wiz: Finally, Aeber’s Reckoning, his most powerful move with divine energy, allows him to deliver many crushing blows with a dagger faster than the eye can track.
Boomstick: Superpower mumbo jumbo aside, Therion’s got an assortment of cool swords up his dirty sleeve. He has the basic, need-to-have, slice and dice swords like long swords, iron swords, and the other easy tools. However, he’s got a selection of freakin’ awesome fantasy blades.
Wiz: The Feather Saber and Angel Saber increase his accuracy and inflict drowsiness upon his opponents. The Falcon Saber heavily increases accuracy.
Boomstick: The handy Captain’s Sword can deprive a target of its defense pretty quickly, and the Moonblade and Enchanted Sword make it extremely easy to land a critical blow. The Snipe Saber also makes it quite simple to hit a foe by increasing accuracy.
Wiz: And last but certainly not least is the Deathly Blade, a powerful sword that kills the opponent instantly, no matter the amount of defense.
Boomstick: Damn! That sounds like a fun tool.
Wiz: Along side his blades, the thief has a large selection of daggers for closer combat as well.
Boomstick: The Stinging Dagger inflicts poisonous damage upon any foe attacked by it, the Befuddling Dagger confuses an enemy and increases the user’s speed, and the Falcon Dagger increases speed.
Wiz: The Piercing Dagger and Silver Dagger increase evasion, while the Magus Knife puts the opponent into a deep sleep. Heathcote’s dagger, gifted to Therion by the butler himself, is capable of increasing any amount of fire damage dealt to the foe with just one slash.
Boomstick: The Doombreaker, besides from having an awesome name, increases the chance that a hit will be a critical. Finally, the Battle-Tested Dagger lowers the opponent’s accuracy, essentially making them a punch-drunk buffoon.
Wiz: Over his quest to recollect the Dragonstones, Therion has done some pretty crazy things. For example, he was able to dodge slashes and blows from Heathcote, who, despite being an old man, is described to move faster than the eye can track in combat.
Boomstick: Plus, the travelers are capable of taking direct hits from and dishing blows to Galdera, who matched the gods who shaped the whole world themselves! Though, this doesn't mean that he directly compares to Galdera, instead you could scale him to a lower part of his power.
Wiz: For instance, since Galdera has enough power to flood the entirety of Orsterra, that means Therion and a select few were capable of matching this amount of power all together.
Boomstick: But, despite having some neat feats, the Therion package comes with some flaws as well.
Wiz: Therion acts quite cocky and reckless at most points, to a dangerous level. This trait also leads him to underestimate his foes, and from what we saw with Heathcote, that usually doesn't end well.
Boomstick: Plus, like most rpg characters, Therion has a limited amount of energy and constantly needs to recharge his batteries.
Wiz: But in the end, Therion is a masterful thief with a high, unbeatable reputation.
Puss In Boots laughs in the face of DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: In a far off land where fairy tales are reality and every child's dream comes true was a Spanish town that went by the name of San Lorenzo. This town was usually overrun by criminals who would harm the innocent and leave nothing for the citizens after they plundered.
Boomstick: Yeah, this Spanish shithole definitely needed some sort of hero. Luckily for them, one would come around on a fateful day.
Wiz: One night, a stray cat was abandoned at an orphanage during a dangerous thunderstorm. The kitten was taken in by the loving owner of the building, Imelda, and raised with strong morals and a sense of justice.
Boomstick: The ginger cat eventually wore a cape, hat, sword, and a fancy, iconic pair of boots. That's right, we're talking about the legendary Cat in Shoes.
Wiz: Ugh... deciding to become a famous thief, the skilled cat donned the legendary name, Puss in Boots.
Boomstick: Puss met another unwanted orphan at the orphanage, known as Humpty Dumpty. Doesn’t he fall off a wall or something?
Wiz: Together, Humpty and Puss would share one common dream: to find the mythical magic beans and steal the Golden Eggs from the Giant’s Castle. This led to them leading a life of crime, robbing hundreds of beans to find their prize.
Boomstick: However, during one of their daily heists, Puss in Boots accidentally saved the mother of a famous royal guard from a furious bull. This madcap mishap marked Puss as a hero, leaving Humpty Dumpty in the dumps…ty.
Wiz: Humpty would eventually become overcome with jealousy and anger, leading him to plot Puss’ downfall. The egg tricked Puss into robbing a bank in the nightfall, stitching together his maniacal plan.
Boomstick: When they were trying to escape from the bank, Humpty duped the wagon and left Puss with all the stolen money. The guards eventually caught up with him, and Puss was hero no more.
Wiz: The fearless cat finally had felt true fear, and he decided to leave San Ricardo for good. Imelda, his fame, and his friendships meant nothing to him anymore. He spiraled down and fell into the life of an assassin, taking lives for simple cash.
Boomstick: Eventually, after many long years, our edgy sword cat was met by Humpty one night… and the egg had a little idea for a big buck robbery. They were going to steal the fabled golden eggs from… a castle in the sky? Are they gonna take a plane or something?
Wiz: Actually, Boomstick, the first part of their quest was to obtain the magic seeds, which would grow a humongous beanstalk that would touch the top of the clouds.
Boomstick: Ohh, like that fairy tale! Uhh… the Ugly Duckling!
Wiz: …after a long search across the lands, Puss, Humpty, and a reluctant helper named Kitty discovered the beans were in the hands of the couple of crime, Jack and Jill. They battled the duo and grew the giant beanstalk using the stolen beans.
Boomstick: They reached the fabled castle in the skies, and they found the stash of crackpot eggs. Unfortunately, the eggs were too heavy to carry down the stalk, so they did the reasonable thing. Abduct the mother’s goose’s infant child! Pretty neat, right?
Wiz: Puss, Kitty, and Humpty managed to take the baby down the beanstalk where they were jumped by Jack and Jill as revenge and they stole the beans while leaving Puss and Kitty to die. Upon awakening, they discovered that Humpty was missing and tracked him back at San Ricardo.
Boomstick: There they discovered that Humpty was the mastermind behind it all, from hiring Jack and Jill and even cosplaying as a fucking cat to blend into the background. In a sense, he was always there.
Wiz: It turns out that Humpty had led Puss to San Ricardo to be arrested, still jealous of their childhood seperation. The ginger tabby was turned in to the officials and Humpty began to give the eggs from the baby goose out to the town, branding him as a hero.
Boomstick: Until, suddenly, the big fat mother goose from the castle fell from the sky and began to destroy San Ricardo!
Wiz: The goose began to search the town for the eggs, which leads to Puss and Kitty being broken out of jail to aid in the fight. They decide to take the baby goose and use it as bait to lure the mother goose, also called the Great Terror, away from the town.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, the duo, along with Humpty, were on the bridge as it was crumbled by the fatass goose. Puss grabbed hold onto Humpty and the baby goose, but knowing he couldn’t hold them both, the egg let go of Puss’ paw, dropping him off the bridge and turning him into a golden egg. The Great Terror took its baby back to the castle and Puss continued his adventurous lifestyle once more. I wonder how much Humpty would sell for…
Wiz: Along his journey, Puss had both enhanced his swordsmanship and gained a few weapons along the way. Starting off, we have Puss’ iconic rapier, which he has amazing skill with wielding it and it is his second most prized possession, beside his boots.
Boomstick: Another handy tool he has is a small iron dagger given to him by Kitty Softpaws, which is both great for going in for close hits against foes, and cutting butter.
Wiz: One of his most infamous features is his stare, which is capable of nullifying even the most broad and serious of warriors. I mean, just look at the little guy! Isn’t he cute?
Boomstick: Cute? I’d burn that thing alive for a snickers bar!
Wiz: …alongside his powerful weaponry, Puss is also no joke when it comes to feats. For instance, Puss has the highest bounty in all of Mexico and is feared by basically all throughout the land.
Boomstick: For feats of strength, however, a few slashes from Puss’ sword were capable of launching a burly warrior straight into a distant mountain! He was also capable of fighting on par with Dulcinea, who could cut through rock and leave craters with single blows.
Wiz: Another impressive feat from Puss is the fact that he was able to tank direct blows from Shrek, who was capable of sinking an entire military ship by hitting it with a bottle!
Boomstick: For speed, our favorite cat in shoes was capable of dodging lightning magic with no speed amplifications or that shit. He was also capable of catching an arrow in his mouth!
Wiz: Feats of strength aside, let’s note that Puss was capable of utilizing a guitar in combat, even defeating three trained warriors with the said instrument. Also, he was capable of destroying a massive giant with a strike from a bell!
Boomstick: Despite his surprising strength, Puss also has some pretty stupid weaknesses. One of them being… hairballs? What the hell?
Wiz: Despite being a legendary swordsman, Puss is also a cat at heart, and is easily distracted by string and lasers. Another thing is that, if the opponent is heartless enough, the stare can be resisted.
Boomstick: But, what we all know is that Puss is fucking awesome! Spanish cats with swords are always awesome, but oh well.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! We've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
Death Battle[]
Inside the brick tavern of Bolderfall, a bustling crowd drank and partied. Beer and spirits were littered everywhere with no sense of silence among the crowd. At the counter sat a clearly annoyed customer wearing a scarf and dirty rags. He slowly took a sip from the glass of beer and slammed it back on the table. The bartender walked over to him and leaned on the counter. “Oy, Therion, are you thirsty for another?” he politely asked before grabbing the cup and wiping it down with a dirty washcloth. The white-haired man deeply replied, “I’m fine.” The bartender rolled his eyes and stacked the glass back into the cupboard with the others. The chattering in the back continued as brigands, citizens, and the elderly all rejoiced.
Suddenly, the bell on the door rang and the speech came to a halt. Everybody in the building looked at the door and saw nobody standing in the entrance, before looking down. On the ground stood a ginger cat with a fancy hat, buckled boots, and a belt that held a shining rapier. The crowd began to laugh and resume their rambling. The feline slowly strutted to the counter and leaped up on the seat before nestling and releasing a sigh. “Bartender, give me a warm glass of leche.”
The bartender frowned and began to fill the glass with a random beer before handing it to the cat. The mysterious cat slowly licked the drink before gagging and tossing the glass to the back of the building. Therion quietly glanced at the strange cat before the cat turned and yelled at him. “What, is there something in my teeth?” Therion replied, “You’re not from around here, are you?” The cat suddenly flashed an angry expression before asking, “What, you’ve never heard of me? The legendary, fearless, Puss in Boots?”
Therion shook his head and replied, “Why exactly are you here?”
Puss reached into his belt and removed a rolled piece of paper. He unfolded it, and showed the contents. Under the large letters reading WANTED was an artist’s depiction of a purple-clad bandit with a blade. Puss unsheathed a small knife from his belt and stabbed it through the bounty, which read, “DEAD OR ALIVE: $530,000.” The cat looked at Therion and said, “I’m looking for this freaky ladrón. Have you seen him anywhere?”
Puss held the paper up to Therion’s face which clearly shocked him. Noticing this, the cat pulled the paper closer to him and looked at the tattered sheet. His eyes widened in shock as he made the sudden realization: this mysterious man was the thief, and he surely had to take him to the authorities!
Puss wiggled his claws around the blade and ripped it fiercely from the sheath and stabbed it through the table. “You are the thief, and I will collect your bounty!” Therion sprung from his seat and reached to grab his blade. “This’ll be fun.”
FIGHT![]
Puss quickly sprinted towards Therion and leaped in the air, with the thief shifting to the right to avoid a slash from the blade. The cat sliced at Therion multiple times before lifting his sword up one more time, and instantly being disarmed by Therion. Annoyed, Puss leaped onto Therion’s face and began to scratch rapidly before being picked up and thrown across the room. “This might be harder than I thought,” the cat groaned as he pulled his blade out of the wooden floors. However, he looked around the room, and Therion was not in sight.
“What the-“ the cat was instantly cut off as a blade fell down towards him, luckily catching it with his own. Therion grunted and kicked Puss away before activating fleetfoot and bouncing across the walls to reach him. Puss hissed and hopped forwards, putting his blade in front of his face. The two swords met, and Therion was launched downwards into a table. The ginger tabby successfully landed on top of another table before raising his arms towards the roof. “Are you not entertained?” the cat shouted, enticing the crowd and forming a ravenous cheer for the cat.
Therion, clearly annoyed, jumped off the table and sliced at Puss’ ground, knocking a multitude of mugs and plates off the table. The man sitting at the table began to shout before realizing Therion had rejoined the battle. “Let’s get this over with.” the thief whispered, lifting multiple daggers and tossing them towards Puss like darts. The cat sprinted to avoid them on all fours, dodging all but one knife which pinned his hat to the wall. Therion kicked the cat’s sword away and lifted another knife and tossed it towards the trapped cat, who… somehow managed to catch it in his mouth. “What the hell?” Therion said.
Puss wiggled his head out of the hat and ripped it off the wall before putting it back on his head. “Are you ready for more?” the cat cockily spoke. Therion snapped his fingers and a flame suddenly sprouted from behind Puss, who hissed in terror as his tail was lit on fire. The cat tried to stomp the fire off his tail, before realizing that the fire had burnt the shelf standing above him. Multiple vases fell from the sky and smashed the cat over the head, nearly knocking him out before noticing Therion slash at him again.
The tabby fell out of the way of the blade and noticed that his rapier ended up on the other side of the drink counter. He leaped on top and grabbed a bottle, with Therion in tow. Puss lifted the bottle towards Therion and yelled, “Fear me, if you dare!” The thief only scoffed before smashing the bottle instantly with his sword, spraying beer all over Puss’ face. The cat unsheathed his claws and repeatedly slashed to block Therion’s hits before ending up at the other side of the counter and regaining his blade. Therion lifted his arm and grabbed the Stinging Dagger before slashing at Puss’ hair, only leaving a small scratch on the head. Meanwhile, the crowd began betting money on who they believed would win.
“Oh, mierda.” Puss groaned as the poisonous effect began to spread throughout him. Therion chuckled and advanced towards Puss. The tabby, however, was heavily affected by the mix of poison and alcohol, which caused a strange hallucination to pop up in his head. Therion suddenly shifted into massive balls of yarn, and Puss’ eyes widened. The cat hissed and began to crawl all over Therion, ripping his skin and clothes with his claws. Therion was knocked over, the angry cat still grabbing on his leg. “Heh.” Therion muttered, and punted Puss off his leg with one swift kick. The cat hit the top of his head against the wall, finally having his sense knocked back into him.
The crowd leaped off their chairs and began to rhythmically bang on the table, creating a tune. Puss, overjoyed, leaped on top of a table and began to tap dance. “Yes! Yes! Tell me! Who is your favorite, fearless hero!” The crowd all verbally agreed, ticking Therion off. He dashed towards the table and flipped it over before delivering a direct punch towards Puss, bruising him and launching him out the door. Therion ran after him and slammed the door. The crowd, however, swung the door open and ran out into town, not wanting to miss out on the action at all.
Puss pulled himself up from the middle of the cobblestone roads before coughing out a drop of blood. Therion stood in front of him from a distance, holding his blade in a fighting position. The crowd circled around the two, preparing for an intense cage match. Puss dashed towards Therion and their blades matched, launching sparks left to right!
The two swords parried against each other multiple times and left the brawl to a standstill. The thief reached into his back and pulled out the Moonblade, glistening in the sunlight. Puss attempted to block the downwards thrust from the blade, proving unsuccessful as the smaller rapier launched backwards along with Puss. A group of spectators caught Puss from leaving the circle as they tossed him back into the arena with his sword. “Ooh, a little firepower!” Puss remarked as he wiped the blood from his mouth and lifted his trusty rapier once more.
Therion’s blade crackled with a shining light as he swung it downwards towards Puss, which the cat quickly outmaneuvered, leaping in the air. Puss managed to catch his foe’s sword midair before tossing it backwards into the crowd and thrusting downwards towards the thief’s head. The purple-clad crook managed to catch the sword, however, with a silver dagger. “You’re outclassed.” Therion chuckled, as Puss landed on his feet. “Oh, if it’s a knife fight you want, then it’s a knife fight you’ll get!” Puss reached into his belt and lifted Kitty’s dagger above his head before aiming it towards his foe. “Try me!”
Puss scampered towards Therion and lifted his knife, with his foe doing the same. The swords clashed once more, which Puss being sent upwards from the impact. Therion thrusted his dagger in for a good hit, but the knife barely brazed the ginger tabby’s whisker. “Missed again, amigo!” the cat mockingly said, as he landed on his feet. Therion, however, pulled out a multitude of daggers from under his sleeve and began throwing them at his smaller opponent. The cat quickly slashed at the knives and laughed, before seeing a single knife lodged into the cobblestone road. “Get a better aim!” the cat laughed.
“Maybe I should.” Therion quietly chuckled, and he snapped his fingers. The knives that had formed a circle around Puss were launched upwards by a spiraling wildfire, and they began to descend towards the cat at supersonic speeds! Puss shouted as the knives descended upon him and began to light the area around him on fire. One knife stabbed through the edge of his cape, and it was suddenly covered in flames! The cat ripped his cape off and threw it to the side. All the other knives, however, missed Puss as the flame extinguished.
“Don’t bother me again.” Therion said, as he began to walk away from the massive cloud of smoke. While he was leaving, Puss leaped out from the smog and unsheathed his blade! Therion grunted and caught the sword with his own, as the crowd gasped in suspense. The thief lifted the Falcon Saber with his left arm and tossed it towards Puss, who narrowly dodged the blade. The sword, however, suddenly turned around and began to charge towards the bounty hunter at full speed! The Falcon Saber sliced off the tip of Puss’ whisker, lunging him backwards and sending his weapon rolling across the street.
“Ay caramba, I need a glass of milk.” Puss said under his breath after leaping back up and running to grab his sword. Therion chuckled. “Really? I’m ready for more. Are you?” Puss promptly removed his blade from the dirty streets and clicked his boots together. “Let’s dance, caballero.”
Puss scampered towards Therion on all fours and lifted his blade, striking against Therion’s single iron dagger. The thief kicked Puss away and tossed his dagger towards the cat who pushed it into the distance with his sword. The knife, unfortunately, smashed through a nearby wooden vault holding a mass amount of gold, creating a massive flood of golden coins that began to cover Bolderfall. The gold swept away entire bazaars, more wooden crates, and the entire circle of spectators.
Puss fortunately was able to pull himself up from the stream of cash and safely regain his ground on top of a wooden crate. Therion’s arm stuck out from beneath the flood and he pinned his dagger into a floorboards before pulling himself up using the knife. He was bruised and bloodied, but still held his blade, ready to fight. Puss raised his blade toward Therion and began to speak. “I am the unbeatable Puss in Boots, and you will-”
A nearby sign from a tavern struck Puss’ hand and sent his blade flying down into the near bottom of the flood, as the ginger tabby stared in shock. “Uh oh.”
Therion leaped into the air and charged down towards Puss, snapping his crate into two with his sword. He slid down the gold waterfall to corner Puss as the cat leaped from object to object to escape his armed foe. The thief tossed a dagger towards Puss, which caught his boot and sent him tumbling down into a seafood stand. As Therion loomed over him with his blade in the air, Puss reached his arm under the gold and grabbed something sharp…
Only to find out it was nothing but a simple marlin.
The sword and swordfish clashed, and Puss’ frown turned into a devilish grin. “I think I can make this work.” Therion rolled his eyes and struck again, his blade still matching the fish. Suddenly, the seafood stand crumbled under them, and they were both sent tumbling down the rapids of glimmering gold. Therion caught himself on a piece of wood and lifted it above his head, slamming it towards the fish which caught it on the blade. Puss threw the now useless marlin into the swirling typhoon of money.
While sliding down the golden rapids, Puss spotted his blade lying on the rooftop. “Oye, idiota!” the cat yelled, grabbing Therion’s attention. He lifted his blade, but as soon as he struck it downwards, Puss grabbed it using his claws and began surfing down the flood. Therion noticed his clever idea and grabbed another piece of wood before sliding down the rapids as well. Puss saw a multitude of people in the rapids and he lifted his arms. “People of the town, give me a boost!” The people all raised their arms as Puss hopped across their hands and landed on the roof. He picked up his blade, tipped his hat, and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you guys out later.”
The cat bounded up into the air and began to speed towards Therion like a bullet. The latter had drawn his own iron sword and aimed it towards Puss to block a hit, until his blade unexpectedly snapped in two. The rapier stuck directly through Therion’s chest, leaving a bloody stain as he groaned and spat out blood. “You… you stupid, dirty cat!” Therion yelled as he lifted the Enchanted Sword from his back.
“Oy vey.” Puss muttered, before he was struck directly in the chest by Therion, sending him flying hundreds of feet into a townhouse across the river of gold. The ginger tabby smashed directly through the wall and landed on the table with his sword stuck next to him, leaving the people inside of the building utterly confused. Therion began his descent towards his opponent’s current location and lifted a new sword from his back to continue the duel.
Puss groaned and lifted his head up from the rubble. A mariachi band was performing inside the building, unaware of the chaos occurring outside. The ginger tabby looked out into the distance and saw Therion again, now with a more basic iron sword in his hands but the same cockiness still existing in his eyes. Puss reached for his sword, but it was too far away and he was too weak to grab it. There was only one thing he could do now.
“Let’s see you try this on for size, fuzzball!” Therion’s yell echoed throughout Bolderfall, as he lifted his sword to finish off his foe. He leaped into the air and stared down at his stunned opponent, ready to win. Puss, however, reached to remove his hat from covering his face and revealed his hidden plan.
Puss’ eyes widened at the second Therion was above his and they seemed to sparkle. He grabbed his hat and looked sadly above to give a signal to his foe, who was already confused. “What the-“ Therion muttered, before Puss started to curl his lip. Therion’s eyes widened as well as he fell to the ground, stunned by Puss’ hidden ability: a good old-fashioned cat stare.
Puss regained the strength to grab his weapon and he stood up while pointing his blade towards Therion, who was stunned on the ground. “As much as I hate to admit it, I refuse to end your thieving life right here while you are disarmed.” Puss said, while Therion laid on the floor. “Big mistake.” the cocky thief muttered, as he grabbed his sword and leaped off the ground! “I’m ready for more!” Puss cracked his neck and his fingers. He snapped his fingers and yelled to the mariachi band, “Play something epic!”
Puss and Therion clashed blades once more, both with a burning fire and hopes of victory in their eyes. Therion overpowered Puss and slashed downwards towards the cat, who caught the blade with his claws and tossed it in the already damaged support beams of the building. “I’ve got more.” Therion said, as he reached into his back and grabbed the Doombreaker dagger, glistening in the sunlight. He tossed it towards Puss, who just barely dodged it as it bounced off a vase in the back and was sent bouncing across the room.
Therion and Puss shrugged and continued their duel, despite the twirling piece of iron slinging across the wooden building. The knife landed in between the strings of the lead guitarist and it slingshotted towards the struggling support beam, easily snapping it in two and crumbling the entire building. The two fell back into the flood of gold along with the mariachi band, who still continued to play. Therion popped out from under the gold, wearing Puss’ hat. He slightly laughed to himself, which ticked the ginger tabby off. “You fool!” the cat yelled before trodding across the gold to reach is foe.
As the town around them crumbled, the two drew their blades and continued their endless duel. Steel against steel, broadsword against rapier, they continued their unfinished battle. Puss swiped his sword upwards and knocked the hat off his foe’s head as it fell downwards and landed back on the head of the small cat. The two turned their heads and noticed that the flood of gold was heading towards the edge of the cliff. Refusing to let anybody else get hurt, Puss had a plan.
The cat swiftly lifted a crate from the pile of cash and tossed it towards a watchtower, destroying it in one hit and sending it smashing down. The debris blocked the flood of gold from falling off the cliff and keeping all of the civilians safe.
Unfortunately, Therion and Puss’ patch of gold did not make the cut and they both began to plummet to the ground. “You fool! Now we’re both going to die!” Therion yelled, drawing his blade and striking it down towards Puss, who caught it again with his own. The two began to strike at each other again, attempting to memorize each other’s patterns of movement and going in for the perfect blow. Therion, however, had an idea, and he grabbed a chest from the descending pile of gold and crawled inside. “Get out of the chest and fight, idioto!” Puss yelled, before he noticed what his opponent was doing and looked down.
SMASH![]
The dust settled, and the humongous pile of gold was finally left still. The lid of the chest opened, and Therion crawled out, lifting his blade once more and looking around the area for his opponent. “I guess you’re dead now, cat?” he cockily yelled out into the arid desert. Suddenly, a paw burst from beneath the gold and Puss leaped out. He grabbed his sword from the ground and looked fearlessly into his opponent’s eyes. “Let’s end this, amigo, once and for all.”
The two legendary bandits charged towards each other for the final time and slammed their blades together. Therion snapped his other hand and another wildfire swirled around the area. The cat hissed and repeatedly slashed his pristine rapier, with the thief managing to block each hit with his own longsword. The rapier eventually wore down the other sword and it snapped in two, while Puss chuckled. “Let’s see how you react to my wild card.”
Therion lifted the terrifying Deathly Blade from behind, and pointed it towards Puss who grinned at his worthy opponent. “Puss in Boots laughs in the face of death!”
The cat bounded in the air and swooped downwards for a strike, the wind blowing his torn cape and hat upwards. He had never felt this much exhilaration in his lifetime! Therion readied his blade for one fell swoop, and yelled. He wanted to end this battle once and for all.
SHING![]
Puss landed on his feet behind Therion. The two silhouettes stood still for a few seconds, until Puss dropped his blade and clutched his chest. Before falling, he muttered, “That was fun.” before the top half of his body dislocated from the bottom and rolled down the mound of gold.
Therion turned, and looked at his foe’s corpse. “Hmph. Don’t start things you couldn’t even finish.”
The thief slowly walked into the sunset, leaving a tale to remember for the lowly town of Bolderfall.
KO![]
- Ending Screen A: Therion finally ends up back in Bolderfall after climbing the mountain, only to be met by yelling civilians and angry betters. He merely shrugs and walks into the shadows.
- Ending Screen B: Puss’ hat lies alone in the midst of the wasteland, before being discovered by a caravan of merchants. One man picks up the hat and the sword and his eyes widen.
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: Wait, Wiz, won’t killing the cat get PETA on our tail? We’d better pack our things and head for the Mexican border!
Wiz: Surprisingly, this was more confusing than it looked on the outside. Both opponents were skilled enough to win the fight in an instant.
Boomstick: Especially when you take a look at how fast Puss was. Therion’s best speed feet overall was being able to move faster than an old butler, meanwhile Puss was capable of dodging full lightning bolts!
Wiz: Puss was also definitely the superior in fighting tactics, given the fact that he was capable of using a guitar to fight off multiple trained warriors with scimitars and was able to use a bell and some rope to defeat a mountain giant.
Boomstick: But this doesn’t mean that Puss topped Therion, at all. Let’s think about how many weapons our favorite cocky crook has! Moonblade, Enchanted Blade, you name it. Hell, he’s got more weapons then me!
Wiz: There was also the fact that Therion has direct access to summoning fires, which Puss has little to no protection against.
Popup: Despite Puss’ clearly having superior striking strength, Therion was leagues too durable for Puss to kill in a few blows as he had taken hits from Galdera, who is stated to have the ability to flood the entirety of the continent of Orsterra.
Boomstick: There’s also the fact that Therion was way smarter than Puss, which would lead to him being able to trick the cat easily during a fight. This doesn’t mean that Puss is stupid, but he has been tricked pretty easily in the past. Plus, we already know that Puss has died stupidly many times in his past lives, so why wouldn’t Therion be able to just take his overconfidence and use it to win?
Wiz: And, while Puss is a legendary swordsman, he is still a cat at heart, meaning that he is weak to all things cats are distracted by, such as lasers and hairballs.
Boomstick: While Puss did have the clear speed advantage, Therion was still able to keep up because of his various speed buffs and speed-inducing blades.
Wiz: Let’s also take into consideration the fact that Therion has spent his entire life fighting and stealing, while Puss in Boots hadn’t led his life of adventure until he was older, giving Therion the clear experience advantage here. Puss was the more speedy and battle-ready opponent, but Therion was too equipped, durable, experienced, and overall smart for the cat to win.
Boomstick: I guess Therion wasn’t letting the fight drag-on… stone, which left Puss with a case of cat’s got your tongue.
Wiz: The winner is Therion the Thief.
Next Time[]
Willie: It all started with Hoborg, a being who had to create because he had to make a world full of beauty and wonder.
Gibby: My feelings will embrace your memories until you beg me to hark!
Trivia[]
- The connections between Puss in Boots and Therion are that they’re both hardened, wandering swordsmen, who although skilled, are humbled time and time again, eventually learning their weaknesses and growing as people to rely on those around them; as well as earning some degree of freedom, either literal or metaphorical. Both were also betrayed and left for dead by their partners in crime (Darius threw Therion off a cliff and thought he was dead;Puss was branded as an outlaw by Humpty), however, there is a contrast in that sense (Darius and Therion kept their hate for each other until the final duel;Puss and Humpty finally forgave each other before Humpty’s death).