The Worker Vs Patrick is a What-If? Death Battle between The Worker from Whack Your Boss, against Patrick from Whack Your Neighbor.
Description[]
Two men with serious issues that stem from their hatred towards others annoying them, then murdering said other people in creative ways, be it with something extreme like a gun, to something simple like a ruler. Only one will live to whack another day, but which one? Find out in this Death Battle!
Intro[]
Skunk: When a person has anger issues, you normally want to go see someone for help, you know, figure out how to solve the problem.
Skel: But when you are willing to go to the extreme lengths of solving problems, I doubt anyone could help you.
Skunk: The Worker, from Whack Your Boss.
Skel: And Patrick, from Whack Your Neighbor. He's Skunk and I'm Skel!
Skunk: And it's our jobs to research their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win, a Death Battle!
The Worker Works Out Issues In Death Battle![]
Skunk: Work, work, work, every day people work, so many jobs, so many different things.
Skel: We got people who work as fishermen, police, doctors.
Skunk: Then we have the people who are least recognized, Officer workers, they suffer so badly.
Skel: You're telling me, they work with unreasonable hours, horrible people, and they get paid about as much as we do, which is like, nothing!
Skunk: True, and some people just snap, like The Worker, who we don't actually know the name of, so we will call them "The Worker" for the time being.
Skel: Well, "The Worker" has such a horrible boss, and talks about all the stuff and more we just mentioned, horrible over-time, work hours increased, pay decreased, no wonder he wants to murder his boss.
The Worker's Kills[]
Original Kills[]
- Pencil - Stabbed Boss with his own pencil in the neck
- Scissors - Slit Bosses throat with scissors
- Fists - Punched Boss to death
- Suitcase - Beat Boss over the face with suitcase, then stomped on it with their head in it
- Ruler - Threw a ruler clean into Bosses forehead
- Letter Opener - Gutted Boss
- Clock - Beat Boss to death with clock
- File Cabinet - Decapitated Boss after slamming his head with the file cabinet
- Flower Vase - Stabbed Boss in face until he died
- Computer Monitor - Slammed it into Bosses face, then threw it at them
- Feet - Stomped on Boss until they died
- Cabinet Door - Slammed Bosses face into it until they died
- Umbrella - Impaled Boss with umbrella
- Trash Bin - Beat Boss with the bin until they died
- Chair - Tied Boss to chair and threw them out window
- Cubical Wall - Mercilessly beat Boss off-screen, then threw them through the cubical wall
- Computer Tower - Slammed the computer tower on the Bosses head, crushing it
- Stapled - Beat Boss to death with stapler
- Golf Club - Beat Boss to death with golf club
- Mug - Beat Boss to death with Mug
- Coat Hanger - Threw Boss into coat hanger, impaling it into the back of their neck
- Keyboard - Beat his Boss with it, then shoved the broken keyboard down his mouth
- Lamp - Beat his Boss in the face, then electrocuted him
- Phone - Strangles his Boss with phone cord
Fantasy Kills[]
- Unicorn - Pulled a unicorn out the trash bin, which then impaled the Boss
- God - Called upon God's hands to crush his Boss
- Devil - Summoned the Devil to drag his Boss to Hell, where they killed him
- Nuke - Blew Boss up with a nuke while flying away from the explosion
- Water Cooler - Stuck hose into Bosses mouth, bloating them, then causing them to burst
- Magic Hand - Split his Boss in half
- Hand - Pulled his Boss inside-out
- Scanner - Stripped his Bosses body of all flesh
- Podium - Crushed Boss
Skunk: He can use a ruler like a throwing knife, sending it clean through his Bosses skull, beat his Boss to death with various items like bins, staplers, golf clubs and more.
Skel: He can even beat his Boss with just his own bare hands, killing him in just a good handful of punches, or throwing an object as heavy as a computer monitor or computer tower.
Skunk: But his kills aren't restricted to just office items, he has some special tricks up his sleeve.
Skel: Yeah, how he can split his Boss with the power of his mind, or pull him inside out, and even summon God or the Devil to assist in his murder!
The Worker's Feats[]
- Shown to casually pick up, throw, carry, and swing around many heavy items, like his computer
- Moves so fast his Boss rarely has time to react, and he appears as a blur
- Threw his Boss so hard he busted through a cubical wall
- Easily pulls his Boss around his office cubical without much struggle
- Threw a ruler with enough force and precision that it impaled his Bosses forehead, nearly instantly killing him
- With a jet-pack, he escaped a nuke explosion
Skunk: He has shown enough strength to casually swing a bin around at rapid speed, pull his Boss across his cubical in a second, he even out-flew a nuclear explosion with a jet-pack.
Skel: When you have God and Satan himself on your side, do you need even more ways to murder someone?
Skunk: Well we do need flaws in him, so lets talk about some.
The Worker's Flaws[]
- Mentally unstable
- Still human
- Couldn't pull a cabinet door off
Skel: Well he ain't as strong as you'd think, sure he can swing metal things around like they are paper, but he failed to rip a cabinet door off, so either that is a really strong hinge, or he just wasn't strong enough.
Skunk: He also is still a simple man, so he can feel pain like anyone else, and he can get exhausted, but that didn't stop him, no sir.
Skel: Well, Bosses beware, if you hire this man, be sure to treat him nice, or else you may face horrible consequences, very horrible consequences...
The Worker is shown throwing a ruler into his Bosses head.
Patrick Whacks Up A Tough Death Battle![]
Skel: Ah, an average life is something a lot of people want, it is lovely.
Skunk: Uh, yeah, because nothing is more relaxing than having a nice cold beer along with some barbecue, a-
Skel: And then your dumb neighbor comes along, angry your dog crapped on his lawn, and then you gotta beat the snot out of him.
Skunk: Uh, right... Anyways... Patrick may look simple and harmless, but he is far from either of those... He is a force to be reckoned with.
Skel: He lives with his grandma, or maybe his mom, we don't know, but he has a pretty chill life when nobody is bothering him. As mentioned before, Patrick was having a nice tasty BBQ with his dog, then Mr. Mustache came along and was like "Hey, I'm smelling your BBQ and I'm jealous and I want some!" or he is just mad your dog crapped on his lawn.
Skunk: Probably the 2nd, and don't quote people...
Skel: Whatever, but hey, Patrick then got the bright idea to murder his neighbor, but we'll talk about that later.
Skunk: He also has fended off 2 thieves, despite the fact they both had guns. He was sleeping then the poor unsuspecting burglars came around to his house and died.
Skel: He's also got a girlfriend, but she is her own story, but he still also chipped in with her, murdering two creeps and a serial killer while Patrick had a sword.
Skunk: He also managed to, well I guess it isn't murder if the neighbor was a zombie. He was able to kill the zombie neighbor with things like footballs.
Skel: Speaking of which, we have gone over all the necessary story now, so let's get to the weapons first!
Patrick's Arsenal[]
- Guns/Ranged
- Shotgun
- Pistol
- Nail Gun
- Other various heavy guns
- Bow & Arrow
- Melee
- Knives
- Can be thrown
- Frying Pans
- Baseball Bat
- Can have nails in it
- Spatula
- Bottles
- Trowel
- Chainsaw
- Ice Pick
- Cheese Grater
- Rolling Pin
- Hot Iron
- Fire Poker
- Prongs
- Nun-Chucks
- Knives
- Misc
- Chain
- Plant Food
- Phone
- Can call a hit-man
- Air Spray & Lighter
- Used as a make-shift Flamethrower
- Lamp
- Blender
- Vehicles
- Lawn Mower
- Car
- Allies
- Whisky (Dog)
- Hitman (Via Phone)
Skunk: He has A LOT of things he uses, basically whatever he can get his hands on.
Skel: He has knives, prongs, a fire poker, a pistol, a shotgun, make-shift weapons, everyday kitchen items and oh man the list goes on and on...
Skunk: He is able to use these seemingly by the fact his foes are too slow brained to even think about what to do, and are too confused, which why wouldn't you be after the person you are robbing grabs his candle holders and makes them into Nun-Chucks?
Skel: Valid... But hey, he also uses more than his weapons, he uses his skills!
Patrick's Skills[]
- Acrobatics
- Accurate Thrower
- Martial Arts Master
- Genius
- Super Human Strength
- Master Manipulator
Skunk: He can do front flips in quick succession, throw knives accurate enough to pin a person to a door, knows martial arts and is an absolute genius.
Skel: His mind is so damn creative, he killed people with a BBQ grill, laser pointer and his own trap he made in his own yard.
Skunk: He has tricked people into their own demise, like offering a smoke to a burglar, then lightning their head on fire, or blowing smoke in the burglar's face to distract them.
Skel: And duh, he has plenty of feats to be shown.
Patrick's Feats[]
- Caught people off guard multiple times
- Shoved a broken lamp through a man with barely any wind up
- Can man handle people easily
- Tricked people to their own death
- Knocked out his neighbor with one hit of a beer bottle
- Can carry his neighbor
- Can beat up burglars easily
- He also managed to hit a burglar hard enough to send them through a wall
- Stuck a sword through a burglar with ease
- Threw a rubix cube hard enough to slip a book out of a burglar's hand into their face
- Made holes in his neighbor's torso with a rake
Skunk: He can shoved things like swords and lamps through a person's chest with total ease, carry his large boned neighbor with barely much effort and threw a rubix cube so hard the burglar holding a book got it knocked out his hand into his face.
Skel: Patrick also has knocked people out with one hit of a bottle, and impaled holes in his neighbor with a rake. Damn, he is a mad and awesome dude!
Skunk: Don't be too impressed, Patrick still has his faults.
Patrick's Flaw[]
- Still human
- Can die
- Some things require time to be done before he can use a weapon
Skel: He is still a regular human, and like most, a bullet to the head will totally take him down. Not to mention the fact he needs time for some of his stuff to be used.
Skunk: But you'll still need to be aware of Patrick, as you don't really want to anger him while you're alone without a cop, or any authority figure...
Patrick is shown setting a burglar on fire.
Intermission[]
Skunk: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Skel: It's time for a Death Battle!!!
Fight[]
Location: All-In Store
The store is shown, no color, just like the two fighters are, and drawn in the same style. The Worker is shown walking down an Office Supply section, looking at staplers, rulers and other things. Patrick walks down the area, drinking a beer. Patrick would stumble into The Worker, knocking his suitcase out his hand, and all his items coming out, as Patrick steps on all of the items. The Worker would look blankly at Patrick, who is looking down at the stuff on the floor. Patrick looks up to see The Worker lifting a computer monitor above his head.
Fight!!!
The Worker throws it down, but Patrick avoids it, making the computer crash in the floor. Patrick grabs a pistol from his own pocket, and aims it at The Worker, who doesn't appear scared. Patrick shoots, but The Worker evades the bullets, then knocks the pistol out of Patrick's hand, causing it to misfire when it hits the floor, and the bullet shoots through a store worker's head, killing them, and causing them to hit a shelf, making gas cans drop, then a box of matches, causing the gas to light up, and spread around the store. People are seen being set on fire, screaming. The Worker grabs a letter opener, as Patrick grabs a knife. They swing at each other, hitting their blades against the other. The Worker swipes his letter opener sideways, cutting Patrick's knife blade from the handle. Patrick throws the handle at The Worker, making them drop the letter opener.
Patrick: You're pretty good...
The Worker grabs a keyboard from the shelf, then swings it, but Patrick steps back. Patrick grabs a lamp, and smashes the head of it. Patrick thrusts it forward, knocking the keyboard from The Worker's hand. The Worker runs off through the flames. Patrick follows, but loses track of The Worker. Patrick looks around, and then hears foot-steps. Patrick turns, only to get kicked in the mouth, knocking him over. The Worker shoves a water cooler head into Patrick's mouth, trying to drown him.
The Worker: Come on, die already.
Patrick would take a laser pointer out and shine it in The Worker's eye, making them stumble back and cover their eye. Patrick gets up and grabs a rake, while The Worker grabs a golf club. They swing, slamming the weapons into the other, making them rebound and push back. Patrick swings down, and trips The Worker. Patrick swings the rake down, but The Worker is able to roll out the way, then hits the golf club over the rake, breaking both of the tools. The Worker grabs a ruler from a shelf, then throws it. Patrick gets impaled in the shoulder. Patrick pulls it out and snaps it, then grabbing a lighter and spray can from his pockets. He sprays flames at The Worker, who ducks away.
Patrick: This is getting fun.
Patrick goes to where The Worker went, but sees he is gone. The Worker drops from above, wearing a jet-pack, and slams a bucket over Patrick's head. He slams his knee into Patrick's gut multiple times, then takes the bucket off, showing Patrick's face is slightly beaten. Patrick grabs a brief case, then swings it into The Worker's face, causing blood to come out, and giving them a black eye. Both of them headbutt each other, making both dizzy and stumbling back into piles of crates, which have random items in them.
Patrick: This is what I am talking about.
The Worker emerges from his pile, holding a stapler and phone. Patrick comes out his pile with a machine gun. Patrick fires, but The Worker dodges the bullets, coming up to Patrick and then slamming the stapler into his face, sticking a staple in Patrick's cheek. The Worker wraps the phone cord around Patrick's neck, and starts to strangle him. Patrick shoots a gas canister, and it explodes. The store is shown on the outside, then it explodes, sending body parts flying, people screaming with half their bodies blown off and on fire, and a mass of debris to crush any survivors.
Patrick and The Worker are shown having survived, covered in blood and soot. They both get up, and Patrick would take out another pistol, ready to shoot The Worker.
Patrick: No more tricks up your sleeve huh?
The Worker: Well, I got one trick in my hand...
The Worker would put his hand out, then Patrick's body starts to tear in half from the top of his head to the bottom of his torso. His body falls down as The Worker watches. The Worker grabs a chair and puts it down, sitting and then putting ear-phones in. He turns his tape on.
Tape: No when. No want. No worry.
K.O!
Conclusion[]
Skel: Well, that had a lot of unneeded death, but damn was it good.
Skunk: These two were pretty equal in certain aspects, both masters of using supposedly mundane items to murder others, both fairly strong, but The Worker held just the right advantages needed to win this kind of fight.
Skel: Both of them were technically normal humans, so both of them could be killed by a hit to their brain or internal organs, the main question was who would get that hit in first?
Skunk: While Patrick held guns in his possession, he did not have any impressive speed feats to boast, unlike The Worker, who is seen moving so fast he looks like a blur. Patrick is rarely if ever shown to have those kinds of reactions or movements, he pretty much only walks normally.
Skel: And to put another nail into Patrick's coffin, The Worker had the power to just magically tear Patrick in half! Patrick had no way to predict or counter such a thing, and sure Patrick could summon God, but so could The Worker, and he could also summon The Devil.
Skunk: While both had many ways to end the other, The Worker was just too fast and too tricky for Patrick to handle.
Skel: People must have split feelings about this one.
Skunk: The Winner is The Worker!