The Scout vs Dash is a Death Battle by The Irish VS Writer
Description[]
SEASON 1 EPISODE 3! TEAM FORTRESS VS THE INCREDIBLES! Two speedy fighters from the 1960s have a race to the Death! Will Dash out par Scout or will he know the wrath of the Force of Nature!
Intro[]
(Death Battle-Wiz and Boomstick)
Wiz: The 60s. It was a time for the growth of American Culture, Such as the creation of Spider-Man, Iron Man and many other different successful superheroes!
Boomstick: Hell that must be why so many movies, games and T.V shows try to relive those days! Like these two speedy characters from teams of different moral areas!
Wiz: The Scout, TF2's Speedy, Force of Nature!
Boomstick: And Dash, The Incredible son of Mr Incredible! He's Wiz and Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win...A Death Battle!
Scout[]
Wiz: Born in Boston Massachusetts, Jeremy was the youngest and runt of his eight siblings. Sadly, for him, Jeremy didn't ever make it to the fight as he was way...too slow!
Boomstick: So Jeremy decided to solve the problem by running...and running and running! Until he was fast enough to not only make it to the fights but was the first one to get there. Jesus! Imagine if real life was like this, You weak? lift weights till you get strong!
Wiz: Well...Boomstick...it is...It's something called practice...
Boomstick: Oh is that right! I thought that was just a thing that teachers said to me just to annoy me! I guess I better get going and apologise to all their families...
Wiz: Jesus what the fuck is your childhood, anyway, Jeremy decided to get a better nickname, The Scout!
Boomstick: Yeah...The Scout sounds better than Jeremy in combat!
Wiz: For once your actually right! Anyway, Scout was hired to join the Red Team...and the Blue Team for some reason it's never explained!
Boomstick: It's Cloning Wiz, I saw it in an S.F.M video!
Wiz: That's fan made but that could make some sense! Anyway, Scout was hired to fight in a war of Mercenaries for a plot of land, And even though he's the second shortest man on the field, You can bet he's gonna be the first one on the scene and the last one to leave!
Boomstick: I can see why these bigger guys would get fucked, Scout has such a large arsenal of shotguns, Like a whole lot of them! But let's go over them. His first gun is his Scattergun, This goes without saying this fires more than one bullet at once but what makes this thing give me a bulge in my pants that isn't a sandvich is that it fires 10 pellets per shot!
Wiz: Yeah that's very inappropriate but I'm just gonna ignore it! The Scattergun can fire 6 shots before needing to reload and considering the fact that one shot can do about 100 per cent damage, Now imagine getting shot by that thing 6 times!
Boomstick: Truly a terrifying thought!
Wiz: True! Scout's next weapon is the Force of Nature, This fires double the amount of pellets than the Scattergun as it can fire 12 pellets! This thing has 50 per cent faster-firing speed and Deal 10 per cent less damage per pellet and it needs two shots before reloading.
Boomstick: But what makes this weakness not as bad is that it gives him an extra jump! Speaking of jumps, Scout can jump twice into the air! That doesn't seem to make sense!
Wiz: It really doesn't sense to jump a person needs to be standing on something think and the air isn't thick obviously, Regardless, Scout has his Soda Popper which gives him another extra jump, But this can also build up his hype meter that can boost his damage.
Boomstick: How much damage? Well about 480 per cent, Now that's a bitch! Anyway, Scout's next weapon is honestly the funniest shit I've ever heard of The Baby Face's Blaster, Now you may be thinking that this just sounds like Han Solo's gun if he looked like Stewie Griffin but no, This gun can increase his speed the more damage he deals!
Wiz: Now that cues the question, How fast is Scout? Well, he can dodge Sentry Fire and run at about 22 Miles Per Hour at top speeds! But in the Mann vs Machine update, he can go over 200 Miles Per Hour! so overall pretty god damn fast!
Boomstick: Scout's also got his Bonk! Atomic Punch! Which provides Invincibility for 8 Seconds which is strange since this thing is full of Radiation, Which you'd think would kill somebody but apparently this guy is so tough he can drink this stuff, The only weakness of it is the fact that he needs to wait for 24 seconds before he can have another! Jesus how tough is this guys body?
Wiz: Well so tough that he can tank getting hit by three Rockets and was only barely fazed. Can survive getting lit on fire by Pyro's, massive falls from the top of a building and he can survive being shot multiple times without too much damage.
Boomstick: Speaking of which, Scout is very strong as he can knock out a Bear with Amelia Earhart's femur bone! Once moved a large hollow shell made of balsa wood and styrofoam the size of Ayers rock with just one hand and Once hugged Miss Pauling tight enough to squeeze blood out of her eyes by accident, Just like Grand Mama Boomstick!
Wiz: He's beaten the shit out of a Blu Heavy who can wrestle and suplex Bears, hell he can even send people flying hundreds of metres away with Ease!
Boomstick: This is backed up with the fact that he can smash robots to bits! Anyway, Scout has his Mad Milk which basically causes all damage done to enemies while they're covered in mad milk restores 60% of the damage to Scout's overall health!
Wiz: Scout's also has many Baseball Bats, He has Lightsaber Baseball Bats, The Sandman which can stun opponents with his balls, Both Figuratively and Literally! He's also got a candy cane, a Lucile stolen from Negan, A Fan, The Atomizer which gives Scout a triple jump and The Sun on a Stick!
Boomstick: He's also got some pistols such as his Winger which is used for long range and can fire 5 times before needing to reload and The Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol which can fire 12 times before needing to be reloaded and can fire 4.7 rounds a second! Scout also has a Grappling Hook which allows him to swing around the place like Spider-Man!
Wiz: His weapons don't stop there as he has his Power-Ups which can double his already insane strength, Return all the damage returned as Health, Make himself faster by 80 per cent and allows him to heal!
Boomstick: He's also got his Spellbook Magazine a vintage edition of the witchcraft magazine "Casters Quarterly" found in the back of a closet which when equipped allows him to use Magic Spells. Such as firing Fireballs, Teleport. Can be cloaked in Magic, Can summon a monster names Monoculus by throwing a skull, Can Fire a wave of electricity, Can summon Meteors and many other things!
Wiz: It doesn't end there as he has his Pick Ups which is used to slow down other racers, These weapons include, another grappling hook, Homing Rockets, A Remote-Detonated Bomb, A Freeze Ray, A Shock Wave and can shoot fireballs!
Boomstick: Holy Shit! Look at all them weapons!
Wiz: Don't expect that since he has a load of weapons that he is perfect cause he isn't. His Durability is nothing compared to his teammates, Can be very Brash and Arrogant, Some of his weapons lower his Durability, Guns have limited ammunition, while other items have a cooldown time between use and he's scared of Ghosts and Secretly The Pyro!
Boomstick: But still even with all his weaknesses don't count out Scout, as he truly is...A Force of Nature!
Scout: That's right, fancy pants, myself! So why don't you take your little failure, roll it up sideways, and-
Spy points to his wristwatch.
Scout: Okay, crap, I gotta go.
Scout takes a drink but pops back in.
Scout: Screw you, though.
Dash[]
Wiz: In their heyday, the Supers were the greatest heroes in 1950s America, Whenever you were getting robbed a Super would soon save you, But the two most popular heroes of this time were the Incredibly strong Mr Incredible and the stretchy Elasti-Girl
Boomstick: Woah! Look at that girl's ass!
Wiz: Yeah it's something, But these two were the 1960s greatest Super Couple, hell they had a wedding where the only people that attended were superheroes!
Boomstick: Huh the Supers sounded so cool what happened? I bet they all lived happily ever after..
Wiz: Well....about that...
(Clip shows Mr Incredible getting sued)
Boomstick: Yeah that's not good...
Wiz: Yes it didn't go well for the Supers, because of the amount of Collateral Damage caused during their battles had cost the government millions and they decided to basically make being a Superhero illegal!
Boomstick: But it wasn't too bad as they weren't arrested right on the spot! Instead, they were forgiven of all the crimes but weren't allowed to do any form of Super Hero-ing ever again. During that time Mr Incredible and Elasti-Girl done the nasty business and had three kids their emo daughter Violet, Their all-powerful baby and the one we're talking about today Dash...
Wiz: Dash was pretty bored of normal life and decided to start pranking his teachers along with trying to get into sports! Which was pretty easy for Dash since he has Super Speed, hell this was so easy that he was forced not to do sports by his mother!
Boomstick: Fucking juicy assed bitch!
Wiz: But when a villain named Syndrome started attacking, It was time for the supers to stop their retirement and get back into Hero-ing, Finally, Dash could show what he could really do!
Boomstick: And oh boy! This kid really has the talent to kick people's asses like he is really REALLY Quick! So Quick that he put a thumbtack onto his teacher's chair and then rushed back into his seat faster than a camera could even catch, so how fast is that Wiz? And this better be original instead of stealing it from a Film Theory!
Wiz: Where did you get that one from you dummy? Eh Hem! Now in the video, it only shows him running in one frame! Now if we assume this was recorded on 24 frames per second as most video cameras were at the time, That would mean Dash would be running a distance of about 4 meters in just 1/24th of a second that translates to a speed of 96 metres per second or 214 Miles per Hour!
Boomstick: Holy Shit! No wonder the kid could run on water!
Wiz: Speaking of which to calculate his strength we need to find out how much force he would be exterting if he charged at an opponent and slammed into them at top speed! Now since Dash was running at about 214 Miles per Hour and his acceleration is about 9216 Metres per second, Now if we multiply his acceleration by his mass which is about 32.5 KG since that is the normal weight of a child in the 60s, we discovered, actually well I discovered that if Dash was to charge at you at full speed he would hit you with 67,300 Pounds of Force!
Boomstick: Holy shit so your telling me this kid can punch you harder than the engine of a plane?!
Wiz: Well...yes...I don't know how you knew this! Anyway, this feat is most certainly an outlier since Dash has never been shown to hit that hard since he barely even fazed two of Syndrome's men with a flurry of punches! And plus to do this he would have to slam into somebody at top speed which isn't that useful in combat!
Boomstick: Yeah well Shut Up! Anyway, Dash really can take quite a punch like he tanked punches from Elasti Girl and Mr Incredible and he could still keep going! Wow, that's sad, Poor kid he's getting beaten by his Super-Powered parents that's even worse than getting hit normally!
Wiz: They were mind controlled! Anyway, Mr Incredible is strong enough to stop a train! Which would mean Dash could survive getting hit with over 299,000 pounds of force!
Boomstick: Yeesh! now I thought I was tough when I was a kid!
Wiz: While Dash doesn't seem to have any weapons in the movies, But in the Disney Infinity game he has the Magic Wand which allows him to create objects and delete objects and it also allows him to fire blasts of energy that can harm his father, his mother and his sister!
Boomstick: And you know how tough those fuckers are!
Wiz: But sadly Dash isn't perfect, As you could notice, Dash's bio is a lot shorter than Scout's due to the fact that he doesn't have many weapons! He's also very Brash and Arrogant to a fault
Boomstick: Yeah he doesn't have much on him, But also Dash isn't really that strong as we mentioned, he barely even fazed two of Syndrome's men with a lot of punches! But even with all his flaws, Dash is truly the most powerful child prankster in cartoon history and I know that this little fucker is proud of it, and he damn well should be!
Dash: cool...COOL!
Dash shouts as an echo travels around a cave until it is revealed to be the shuttle of a rocket
Dash suddenly runs away as the flames catch up to him!
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, We've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: It's time...FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!
Fight[]
Location: Metro Ville - The Incredibles
It was absolute pure mayhem. The Mann brothers had decided to continue its war for land in the bustling city of Metro Ville, While the Mercs battled against each other, The Supers of the area all have been trying to stop this battle by all means necessary. But the newest Supers on the scene was the Parr family, Mr Incredible, Elasi-Girl, Violet and Dash all jumped out of The Incredi-Mobile and watched the scene of the warzone. "Oh My God!" Helen gasped as she covered her mouth in shock. Mr Incredible wasn't too shocked as he bent down to his knee to go to eye level to his children. "Kids don't attack any of these men, Sneak up on them and knock them out as quick as possible, and if they spot you run away as fast as possible do, you understand!?" Bob explained.
"Yeah, dad!" Violet said only for Dash to shout up excitedly "Yeah, Dad, I'll go in kick their butts and leave!" Bob smiled as he rubbed his kid's heads before he let Helen kiss them on the cheek before they left. Violet wasn't there for long as she ran towards The Spy and turned invisible. Dash smirked as he suddenly ran across the streets, He looked around every street and alleyway looking for any of these men. This search lasted only a couple of minutes before he suddenly stopped as he spotted Scout battling against a Medic, The Medic fired needles at Scout in the attempt of killing the speedster only for his projectiles to meet air as Scout dodged all of them.
Scout suddenly equipped his baseball bat and slapped Medic in the face with it sending the doctor on the floor, Blood pooling out of his mouth while his neck bent in an unnatural way. Scout wiped his mouth before he turned around and saw Dash trying to sneak up on him, Scout looked down at the kid in confusion as Dash made an awkward smile on his face.
"Em, Hey Kid...where's your parents?!" Scout questioned as he hid his bloodied baseball bat behind his back, "Well...em...I'm here to stop you criminal!" Dash's fear turned into confidence as he put on a Superhero pose, with his hands on his hips.
Silence filled the streets as the two stared at each other in confusion...until Scout suddenly burst out laughing, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Oh...very funny kid but seriously!" Scout coughed as he tried to regain his composure. Dash though didn't find this funny as he growled in anger and punched Scout in the face sending the Merc flying backwards due to the force.
(Faster than a Speeding Bullet - 17 seconds on loop)
Scout stopped himself, as he skidded across the street before he looked up at the little boy who had just challenged him to a fight. "Look, Kid! I didn't want to fight you, But now I do so get ready to get your ass kicked!" Scout shouted anger as he got into a stance with his baseball bat behind the back of his head.
"I'm gonna kick your butt criminal!" Dash shouted confidently as he suddenly charged towards Scout at top speed, "Come on then!" The Scout replies as he charged towards Dash at top speed as well.
FIGHT!
The two smashed into each other, Scout attempted to knock Dash out quickly as he took a swing towards the child's face. Dash was too quick, as he ducked under the attack and flung an uppercut straight into Scout's chin, stunning him and knocking him on his back. Dash suddenly jumped atop Scout and began battering him in the face over and over again, These punches were going so fast that his hands looked like a blur of red and black. The Problem was though, Scout wasn't getting hurt by these attacks, in fact, these were just like getting a backhand slap! Scout smirked even through all these punches, shocking Dash before he grabbed the boy by his collar and punched him in the face sending the child flying into the air before he crashed onto the road.
Dash pushed himself up as he felt his head in pain until he saw Scout charging forward, Bat in hand. "Uh Oh!" Dash mumbled as he shot himself up and ran away at top speed away from Scout. Dash bolted across the streets as he kept looking behind himself hoping not to see Scout coming close behind. This lasted for a couple of seconds before Dash finally saw that Scout was gone. "Phew!" Dash breathes in relief as he looks forward only to see Scout reeling his Bat backwards, Dash tried to slow down but it was way too late as Scout suddenly smashed him in the head with the bat causing Dash to be launched off his feet and into the air as he shouted in pain. Dash smashed on the concrete as he began rolling down the road.
After a couple of seconds, finally, Dash stopped bouncing across the road as he clutched onto his head in pain, "Ow...this was a bad idea!" Dash said under his breath as he felt a bump on his forehead. Suddenly he heard the sound of footsteps coming behind him, Dash frantically turned his head around only to see Scout charging towards him with his left hand extended. Dash had practically no time to react before he was grabbed by his collar and was dragged across the road.
This brutal dragging lasted for maybe a couple of seconds before Scout finally decided the kid had enough and flung him towards a wall. Dash shouted in pain as he bounced off the wall and onto his knees. Before the speed demon could attempt to leave Scout slammed into him and pinned him against the wall. Scout reeled his fist back in the attempt to bash The Incredible in the face with a punch, But thankfully for Dash, his eye-poke worked making the merc drop him as he screamed in pain clutching his eyes. Dash landed on the floor and with all his might he punched Scout in the balls making him clutch his baby makers as he stumbled backwards in pain. Dash then charged towards Scout, jumped upwards and bashed Scout in the face with a punch sending Scout on the floor once again, except this time he was in a lot more pain.
Dash remembered the last time this happened and this time he learned his lesson, The Speed Demon grabbed a hold of Scout's metal baseball bat and raised it above his head, nearly toppling him over due to the weight before he finally got back to his stance. Dash shouted as he began smashing The Scout in the torso over and over again with all his might, Making The Force of Nature cough in pain. Dash raised the bat once again before he smashed it down to Scout's face, splitting his lip and breaking his nose.
"Oh, That's It!!" Scout shouted as he kicked Dash in the face sending the child crashing to the floor clutching onto his bloody nose as he equipped the Soda Popper, Dash saw this and with one scream of fear, He began circling Scout. "Come on ya Little Shit!!" Scout shouted in anger as he began firing in the direction of The Incredible in an attempt to blow him to bits only to meet air. Dash dodged these bullets and charged towards Scout once again with his fist reeled backwards, Scout though knew about this as he did a double jump to evade the attack before he fired a round into Dash's back sending him on his face as he shouted in pain.
The Incredible pushed himself up as he felt his back, Thankfully there was no blood but the bad thing for him is that the shots had blown a couple of holes in his costume. Scout then grabbed Dash by the back of his collar and flung the kid through a shop window, Dash shouted in pain as he crashed through the window before he slammed onto the floor, Dash stood back up and looked around the shop only to find out this was a weapon shop. "What can I get here...AHA!" Dash shouted as he suddenly saw a Magic Wand that appeared to have sparks coming out of the top of it. Dash zipped to the weapon and picked it up.
"Come on out you Little Shit!" Scout shouted as he jumped into the shop, Only to receive a blast of magic to the torso sending him crashing to the floor, Scout jumped up only to see a large metal box over his head. "Ah!" Scout shouted in fear as he jumped away from the hollow jail cell. Dash didn't really think Scout would dodge this and was shocked by this, distracting him.
Scout charged towards Dash and fired a couple of rounds into his chest. Dash shouted in pain as blood squirted from his chest as his wand shot blasts towards any object, These objects include A Whole Building full of people, A Super and a whole school. Scout continued firing into Dash's body, Blowing his arm off and blowing a hole through his side making him fall to his knees.
The Scout ran behind Dash and with all his might he swung it straight into the back of Dash's head sending the child flying nearly 100 feet into the air and away, "And It's a home run!" Scout shouted as The Speed Demon kept flying and flying until he smashed head-first onto the side of a roof, cracking his head open before he suddenly kept falling until he finally landed and smashed to bits of bone and blood making everyone in the scene stop what they're doing and stare at the twitching corpse, before screaming and running away.
After Dash's death, Scout cracked his neck before he ran away from the scene and then began battling against another Medic once again.
(Stop Music)
K.O!
Result[]
Boomstick: Holy Fucking Shit! I don't think we are allowed to show that happen to a kid!
Wiz: Well, to be honest, this was how this fight was gonna end from the start! Let's start from the beginning, Scout had a significant advantage with weaponry since Dash doesn't have any other than his Magic Wand which is useful and all for creative building...but in a battle to the death...no not really!
Boomstick: Sure The Magic Wand can create and delete shit, But this isn't really that useful against Scout since Dash needs to slowly target what he wants to destroy or he needs to slowly figure out what he wants to build!
Wiz: The Problem with that is that Dash doesn't have enough time to choose what he wants to do since Scout's speed and weapons allowed him to kill Dash within a couple of seconds! And also those blasts from the wand are completely useless against Scout since he's just way too tough for it to actually kill him!
Boomstick: Wait but Wiz! Didn't we use maths to find out that Dash can punch with the force of 67,300 lbs, wouldn't that be enough to overpower Scout at the very least or Hurt him?
Wiz: While that is true Dash can punch that hard...If he actually could do that on the fly which he can't since Dash would need to take a couple of steps back and slam into Scout at top speeds! But when we actually see Dash fighting against two of Syndrome's men we see that he barely fazes them, Do you really think if Dash who can't even really harm two regular humans could hurt or even faze Scout a guy who can tank getting hit by three rockets at once!
Boomstick: Yeah...when you say it like that you make it seem like that's impossible!
Wiz: But let's say that Dash could punch somebody that hard with every hit, It still wouldn't be close enough to match Scout's strength feat of sending any class in TF2 flying 72 feet into the air and feet away. Scout can do this to Heavy who weighs about 300 lbs! To do this Scout would need to hit Heavy with the force of 300,000 lbs of force which completely destroys Dash's greatest strength feat!
Boomstick: And when you add onto the fact that Dash's only weapon is his wand while Scout's weapons add more to his health speed and such, I bet you can kinda see where we are coming from!
Wiz: Sure Dash has the speed advantage but he's just not strong enough to overpower Scout's durability! and when you add on Magic Spells, Power Ups and Pick Ups this fight change from a very one-sided fight to a complete stomp!
Boomstick: Wait didn't Dash tank getting hit by Mr incredible wouldn't that make him tougher!
Wiz: Slightly...But just because he can take a little more doesn't mean that he can bypass Scout's durability and even survive any of Scout's weapons! Also Sure that feat is very impressive, Scout's strength feat allowed him to at least hurt Dash, Hell, If Scout used his taunt and sent him 78 feet into the air, It would kill Dash no problem!
Boomstick: Fuck Fair Point!
Wiz: Overall Scout was stronger, had better weapons and his power-ups and pickups left Outmanoeuvred and Outgunned!
Boomstick: Look's like Dash really had a bad fall from grace
Wiz: The winner is The Scout!
