| Jason Voorhees vs The Pyro | |
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| Season 1, Episode 6 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | May 25th, 2020 |
| Written by | Datamari |
| Directed by | Datamari |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Knuckles the Echidna vs Katsuki Bakugou | Mr. Incredible vs Red Ranger |
Description[]
Friday the 13th vs Team Fortress 2! The battle between the silent killer and the crazed pyromaniac is about to commence! Who will win, the Crystal Lake killer, or the RED/BLU team's top tier pyromaniac?
Interlude[]
Bubbles: Cold blooded murderers with absolutely no remorse for those they kill, violent ways in which they do so, and all behind the guise of a mask.
Neo: Like Jason Vorheees, the quiet Crystal Lake Killer from Friday the 13th!
Koopa: And The Pyro, the happy-go-lucky and psychotic pyromaniac from Team Fortress 2.
Neo: She’s Bubbles, he’s Koopa, and I’m Neo!
Koopa: ..and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win..
Koopa, Bubbles and Neo: A DEATH BATTLE!
Jason Voorhees[]
Koopa: Campfire stories. In concept, they’re made to invoke fear into those who hear them. However, most of the time, these stories are false, more meant to give easily-scared campers something to fear while out on a camping trip.
Neo: But one of those dumb tales are actually true: the story of the Camp Crystal Lake killer, Jason Vorhees!
Bubbles: However, for someone so towering and powerful, Jason started out as a seemingly normal boy.
Koopa: Well, I wouldn’t say “normal.” Jason suffered from hydrocephalus, which caused buildup of fluid in the cavities deep within his brain. Because of this, Jason was homeschooled in the outskirts of the town he grew up in. However, unable to find a babysitter for him, his mother brought along young Jason to her job; a chef at Camp Crystal Lake in the summer of-
Neo, singing: BACK IN THE SUMMER OF 69!
Bubbles: ..actually, it was the 50s.
Neo: Aw, come on, Bubbles. Let me have my fun. Anyways, due to Jason’s disability, he was bullied relentlessly by the children there, and because the counselors there were too busy Marvin Gaye-ing and getting it on in the cabins, the kids threw him in the camp’s lake where he eventually drowned. You know, normal kid stuff!
Koopa: Out of rage and grief, Pamela murdered the counselors there, and was eventually killed herself by the last remaining survivor. The camp closed soon after.
Neo: But because of horror movie magic, Jason actually survived the drowning. He then built a shrine in his mother’s memory.. kinda creepy, but whatever floats your boat. He then stayed at the camp, becoming the silent, hockey-masked wearing cold-blooded murderer we know and love today!
Bubbles: ...loved?
Neo: Yeah! Who doesn’t love Jason?
Bubbles: Um.. yeah, anyways, standing at over 7 feet tall and weighing over 300 pounds, Jason picked up many different abilities in all those years of killing innocent campers.
Koopa: Jason can use just about any melee weapon given to him, but his preferred weapon is the machete. Sharp and long and combined with Jason’s immense strength, it’s enough to cut through just about any human. Even still, he’s more than capable of using his bare hands to murder his victims.
Bubbles: Despite many claiming that Jason is quite slow, he can actually be pretty fast, being able to outrun helicopter gunfire and kill many soldiers before they could react. If that isn’t enough, Jason picked up some supernatural maneuvers in his many slaughters.
Koopa: Due to being undead, he’s practically immortal, with things like fatal wounds, diseases and aging having no effect on him. He can still die, but it’s hard to keep him down. He’s been revived by lightning, and can even hypnotize people with his heart to eat it, causing Jason to return by possessing them.
Neo: Ew! Even for my standards, that’s gross! Jason also has the ability to teleport in the fog, allowing him to appear right behind his victims. Plot convenience for the win!
Bubbles: Jason is an incredibly powerful foe, being able to casually destroy doors, tear a man’s head clean off, survive shotgun blasts to the head, and even killed the nightmare on Elm Street himself, Freddy Krueger.
Neo: Yeah, and you thought all the superhero crossovers were dumb. Despite all of this, however, Jason isn’t completely overpowered. He has a fear of water due to the whole drowning thing, and can often be left dead in his tracks if reminded of his mother.
Koopa: Plus, his regeneration factor can only go so far, as he wasn’t able to recover from decapitation or being chained to the bottom of Crystal Lake.
Neo: But even with these small flaws, Jason Voerhees has proven himself to be one of the scariest and deadliest killers in all of horror history. When you hear those chants, you’d better pray.
Jason: …
The Pyro[]
Koopa: In 1850, a wealthy entrepreneur passed away of old age, leaving his wealth and family business to his two sons.
Neo: But as brothers tend to do, they fought over who should be the rightful owner of their father’s land.. FOR DECADES. Geez, couldn’t you have just done a coin toss or something?
Bubbles: The two brothers eventually decided to wage war, hiring different creeds of mercenaries, such as the Sniper, a long-range assassin who killed from afar, the Heavy, who uses a massive machine gun to mow down his enemies, the Scout, who uses speed and his bravery to kill his opponents quickly, and many more.
Neo: But none are as terrifying as the masked man with a god damn flamethrower, the Pyro!
Scout: No, I ain’t- I ain’t talkin about that freak. Alright? H-he’s not here, is he?
Koopa: The Pyro’s backstory is shrouded in mystery, but one thing is for certain. He’s borderline delusional and insane. See, while on the outside, he looks like a crazed pyromaniac who wants nothing more than to burn his opponents to ashes, in his mind, he’s frolicking through a candy-colored fantasy land aptly named Pyroland.
Neo: Jesus, and I thought I was messed up. Anyways, as mentioned before, Pyro comes equipped with his flamethrower, packed with plenty of ammo and the additional ability to put out fires with an air blast, and can even push some people backwards. Additionally, he can use a standard shotgun as well as a flare gun, which can set people on fire from long distances.
Bubbles: He also tends to use a fire axe, as well as the Powerjack, a weapon that can heal him on successful kills. Pyro also has a variety of other abilities at his disposal, such as.. the Hadoken.
Neo: Wait.. the Street Fighter Hadoken?
Bubbles: Yeah. It’s.. literally the Hadoken.
Neo: Well.. that’s neat? Besides that, however, he can also use a move called Armageddon, where Pyro blows a stream of bubbles and puts them on fire. Yeah, this dude’s kinda messed up, even for my standards.
Koopa: He can also.. ugh.. take a match and put it against his butt and fart, causing the fire to stream forward.
Neo, laughing hysterically: THAT’S AWESOME!
Bubbles: Flaming flatulence aside, Pyro is still an incredibly dangerous foe. He’s able to defeat an entire BLU team by himself, survived an explosion made by his own flamethrower, defeat the Heavy in the Meat vs Match battle, and even fend off a giant bread monster. Amongst those BLU team members are the Scout, who can kill the Heavy with nothing but a metal baseball bat and survive rockets from the Soldier.
Neo: Rest in peace, Rick May, you beautiful bastard...
Koopa: With all of this being said, Pyro still has his weaknesses. Most of his weapons are short-ranged, and require him to get up close and personal. Because of this, Pyro likes to use brute force rather than think ahead.
Neo: But overall, this insane schizophrenic is easily one of the deadliest mercenaries to ever grace Team Fortress. All it takes is that goddamn muffled laugh to strike fear into any RED or BLU team.
Pyro: Mmm mm mmmmm!!!
Interlude[]
Koopa: Alright, the combatants are all set. Let’s end this debate once and for all!
Neo: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
Pre-Fight[]
The RED Team’s own Scout, Pyro and Engineer are seen camping by 3 tents, sitting around a campfire in the forest, unknowingly camping out at Camp Crystal Lake. Scout and Engie were chatting amongst themselves while Pyro stared into the fire, entranced by it.
Scout: So, you think those stories of a killer are real?
Engie: Heh, they’re about as real as your chances with Pauline.
Scout: Well, then we’d better watch out for that guy, then.
The two laughed, and the Scout reached for a beer, but noticed that all of them were gone.
Scout: Huh. We must’ve forgot ‘em. I’ll go get some more from the truck, I’ll be right back.
Engie: I’ll go with you, I need to get my guitar.
With that, Scout and Engie stand from their spot, stretch for a bit, and walk onto the trail, leaving Pyro behind as he stares into the roaring fire. On their way, the two talk about the potential danger of someone following them.
Scout: I-I’m serious, I’ve heard stories of people dyin’ here. Don’t you think we should head out before it gets too dark? Or at least find a different camping spot?
Engie: Come on, Scout. We didn’t come all this way just to pack up and go home because you’re scared of a little rumor. Stop worryin’ about fake killers and enjoy the wildlife!
As the two are rambling on, a tall man with a machete can be seen in the distance. The two get to the truck they came in on, and begin grabbing the rest of their stuff, though Engie notices that his guitar is nowhere to be seen. Scout takes out his pistol, keeping watch as he searches the truck. Engie is too distracted looking for his instrument, so Scout goes out to see what the commotion is.
When Engie finds his guitar, he notices Scout gone.
Engie: Scout? Scout, where are you?!
Engie takes out his own gun and wanders into the wilderness, looking for his fellow comrade. Back at the campsite, Pyro is still enamored by the fire. Right behind him is the hockey-mask wearing killer himself, Jason Vorhees. The man raises his machete and slashes downwards, missing the Pyro as he rolls out of the way, causing the log below him to crack in half. Pyro takes out a fire axe and stands his ground.
FIGHT!
Fight[]
The two raise their weapons and clash, struggling for a moment before Pyro kicks Jason in his leg, causing him to reel back slightly. He then takes his axe and digs it straight into Jason’s shoulder, cutting a few inches deep into his skin. Jason looks at the axe, then back at Pyro.
Pyro: ...mmm? (Huh?)
Jason takes the axe out of his shoulder and throws it to the side, beginning to walk towards Pyro as the RED member runs away. The Pyro runs back to the truck in which they came from, looking for his flamethrower. Jason stomps towards the Pyro, sliding his machete along the ground. Pyro looks back and scrambles to find his weapon, and settles on his shotgun since he can’t seem to find what he was looking for. He loads the shotgun as fast as he can, panicking as the towering killer broke into a sprint, looking to end it quickly. Pyro takes it and shoots Jason in the head, causing chunks of his head and brain to fly away. Despite this, Jason shakes it off.
Pyro: mm, mmmm mm! (Aw, come on!)
Jason grabs Pyro by his shoulders and throws him against the truck, using multiple heavy punches as his head bounces against the hard steel of the vehicle. As Jason goes for one more punch, he’s interrupted by his opponent blocking and holding it back, giving him a swift kick in his groin. Jason steps back, and Pyro uses this opening to tackle him to the ground, delivering his own flurry of punches. He also uses the opportunity to get up and search for his flamethrower, eventually finding it in the backseat of the truck.
Jason gets up and runs at Pyro with his machete once he sees the large weapon, but is stopped by the enormous flames set by the flamethrower. As the fire roars from Pyro’s signature weapon, Jason’s jacket begins to burn, as well as his skin. Pyro laughs as he knows he’s already won. Despite all of this, Jason stomps forward as if he were trying to traverse a heavy windstorm. Pyro’s manic laughs stop when he realizes his opponent isn’t burnt to ashes, and his stream of fire comes to an end when Jason digs his machete into Pyro’s left arm, causing him to drop the heavy weapon. Pyro holds his arm in pain, taking the weapon out and throwing it to the side. Jason is now half-burnt, with only parts of his clothes still on, though they’re scorching as well. With no other weapons to use, Jason and Pyro engage in a fist fight, which ends in Jason pinning Pyro to the ground with his foot. He goes to end it, raising the foot to bring it down onto the pyromaniac’s skull, but misses as his opponent quickly rolls out of the way. Pyro gets up and steps back, balling his hands behind him and sending out a large blast of fire at Jason.
Pyro: mmMMmm! (Hadoken!)
Jason takes the attack and flies a few feet back, nearly knocked out by the attack. Pyro dashes back to the campground, Jason wasting no time going after him, stomping away as he retrieves his machete.
Pyro grabs his fire axe and sees a lake, running towards it. He sees a small boat and a few paddles and gets in, setting his axe down and rowing his way to the middle of the lake. As he thinks about what to do, he notices the fog getting thicker, thus becoming harder to see the land he came from. Pyro notices extra weight on the boat, knowing that the man he was being hunted by was right behind him. As Jason takes his machete and brings it up to slash downwards, Pyro takes out his Flare Gun and shoots it at Jason’s head, causing the Crystal Lake killer to hold his face and fall off of the boat. Pyro sits back down and holds on as the boat tips over.
Pyro looks over and sees Jason go straight down, figuring out that he can’t swim. Pyro stands in victory, triumphantly chanting. The RED member rows back to land, getting ready to head home and hopefully find his fellow team members. He walks along the dock, but out of seemingly nowhere, Jason bursts through the dock and grabs Pyro, pulling him down into the river with him.
The last shot is Jason walking off of the dock as he drips, with Pyro’s mask floating on the top of the river.
Post Fight[]
K.O!
Neo: Shock twist!
Bubbles: Pyro may have had a wider arsenal of weapons, and was definitely more… mentally put together than Jason, who’s strategy for a fight is just murder, murder and even more murder, but unfortunately, Pyro didn’t last long enough to put the killer down. Being a human doesn’t exactly help him, as he’s prone to more deadly attacks that Jason would’ve simply brushed off like it was nothing.
Koopa: It’s true that Jason has a fear of water, but he’s been shown multiple times to be able to overcome that fear. While Pyro was smart in taking his opponent to the water where he could limit their playing field and use his fear to his advantage, he didn’t have enough time to figure out how to put Jason down for good.
Neo: Plus, Pyro’s weapons didn’t have enough time to really hurt Jason, as he’s survived explosions and taken gunfire straight to the face! But I know what you’re thinking, how can an average human beat Jason, but Pyro can’t?
Bubbles: Pyro could theoretically kill Jason if he had preparation and knowledge of his weaknesses, and in the nature of a Death Battle, we couldn’t exactly have Pyro fight him with that sort of predetermined knowledge.
Koopa: Also, even if Pyro were to search around the camp for a clue as to how to defeat Jason, most of Jason’s victims were those who were unaware of how to deal with him because of his sudden attacks. While Pyro definitely lived longer to figure out a solid strategy, it wasn’t enough to outmatch his opponent’s pure brute force.
Neo: In the end, Pyro was too LAKE!
Koopa: The winner is Jason Voorhees.
Next Time on Death Battle![]
Neo: Next time on Death Battle!
???: Take a chill pill, gramps!
???: Okay, first off, who the heck says "take a chill pill" anymore, and two, don't call me gramps, I'm still in my prime! I don't care if you're a teenager, I'm gonna put you in your place!
MR. INCREDIBLE VS RED RANGER!
COMING JUNE 1ST!
Alternate Ending[]
Pyro notices extra weight on the boat, knowing that the man he was being hunted by was right behind him. As Jason takes his machete and brings it up to slash downwards, Pyro takes out his fire axe and clashes once more with Jason's machete, the two staring down one another. Pyro is able to swipe the machete away from his opponent's hand, causing it to fall and sink into the lake. As Jason suddenly starts to lose his footing, Pyro brings the axe down onto Jason's head, splitting it in half as the mask breaks, revealing Jason's misshapen face cut sloppily down the middle. Jason's body finally falls into the lake, and Pyro takes a victory stance.