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Why the f*** did I do this?

Description[]

Sleepy Hollow (Season 1 Episode 10) vs The Garten of BanBan.

Scarecrow640s first bonus battle, its a fight between two monstrous creations however one protects a kid vs while the other experiments on them, also i am 100% sure that the toy the Golem transformed from looks like ban ban and no one will convince me otherwise, anyway, lets begin.

Introduction[]

deadpool: are we really doing this.

sheldon: yes, now shush and lets begin.

deadpool: fine, the Golem, resurrected protector of Ichabod cranes son from sleepy hollow.

sheldon: ban ban, the demonic scientist who controls the garten of ban ban.

deadpool: have you ever had a super random idea, like say when you saw something you got reminded of another thing that looks vaguely similar, well this was what happened when the maker of this saw the toy the Gollum transformed from, and now we’ve got this hot garbage.

sheldon: however afterwards we thought of some contrasts that made it a slightly better idea, I’m sheldon cooper and this is deadpool, and we’ll analyse their… very limited amount of stuff to figure out who would win…

both: a death battle.

The Golem[]

sheldon: sleepy hollow, throughout this quaint little town there lies many myths and horror stories, but as I’m sure you know there is one known above all others, the story of ichabod crane and the headless horseman.

deadpool: oh yeah, he shares a cartoon with mr toad.

sheldon: indeed, however then true story of what happened is slightly different.

Deadpool: yeah, cause turns out ichabod was one of the leading warrior in the revolutionary war, only rather than fight with the English he had switched teams to fight alongside ol’ Washington, and as it turns out the English weren’t the only problem.

Sheldon: there were also demonic forces about, led by the fierce demon moloch, but not all of the supernatural were bad, the Americans were in fact working alongside a coven of good witches, and one of which just so happened to catch cranes eye, her name was Catrina.

Deadpool: long story short, the two fell in love, had sex a few times, and the Ichabod was killed in battle by another warrior who he managed to behead, this is what would have been the important point for any big character in sleepy hollow, but not actually today.

Sheldon: yes, as it turns out, Catrina herself was pregnant, but this was troublesome as, well the coven wanted her child due to him being valuable to the future, but she didn’t want that for her child, so she looked safety with another friend who was also helping a bunch of slaves, however a curse had followed her and upon giving birth the protective aura of the house was broken, causing a big root monster to attack, but not before she had sent her son Jeremy away alongside a doll she gave him.

Deadpool: yeah, though it should be noted that her son was kinda a fire starter, literally, just by crying fires began to start, and lets just say that because of that, he got sent to an orphanage, yeah, and things only got worse from there.

Sheldon: the owner of the orphanage was known for beating the kids, and just because Jeremy decided to go up for some more supper the man decided to make an example of him and began whipping him, which led to some of his tears landing on the doll, which was not actually just a doll, it had a magical curse placed on it that made it Jeremy’s protector, in other words, a Golem.

Deadpool: and god damn was it a good protector, its strong enough to bust open a massive locked door, crush both a car and a human like paper, and even knock over a massive lamppost with just a sideways swing.

Sheldon: it was capable of taking on an entire group of revolutionary soldiers and was fast enough to seemingly disappear from sight, though with the context of those scenes it seemed as though to moreso just be that its good at stealth, or it has teleportation, though the former is still pretty impressive considering its size and likely weight.

Deadpool: its also pretty impressive that it was able to keep up with trained soldiers in a fight, considering they’ve likely spent years in combat.

Sheldon: but lets talk about one of its most interesting things, its possible immortality.

Deadpool: yeah, basically throughout the episode it is consistently stated that the only thing that can kill it was the blood of Jeremy, or someone who shared its blood, so what can this do for it in the fight.

Sheldon: well, we know that its immortality was because of magic, and we also know that various stuff was tried in an attempt to kill it yet nothing could, now this could likely be associated with the fact that its made of clay, a fairly malleable substance, this possibly means that it can either regenerate (be it putting the pieces of clay back on or just getting new pieces), or it can just keep on going no matter what is done to its body, either a viable option, and either tells you that it is fairly difficult to kill.

Deadpool: yeah, i may go with the regen, mostly considering how it was magically assembled when emerging and will likely magically reassemble itself.

Sheldon: hmm, well alright then, anyway the golem was able to keep him safe for several years, and since it’s also been shown to understand humans this implies human level intelligence, unfortunately the coven eventually got news of the boy travelling with a golem and confronted him, but since they could not destroy the golem, they went for the next best thing and banished it too an alternate realm, before then burying Jeremy alive… yeah not a good fate, but also not the end of the golem, or Jeremy but that comes later.

Deadpool: basically remember how Ichabod had died, yeah he was eventually brought back to life through a curse, and when he found out he had a son he took a mental journey to the other dimension to find his wife, which opened up a portal for the golem to get back through, though it came out through the ground and pushed itself out of a large amount of dirt.

Sheldon: and upon re entering our world it decided to track down all members of the coven (implying some ability to sense them), and promptly killed them, but they did kinda deserved it so it all works out, unfortunately it was also attacking innocent people, even sending a man several feat away with a hit.

Deadpool: so sadly, Ichabod knew what he had to do, and with a shard of glass coated in his own blood, the last remnant of his unknown son died in his arms, (sniff) goodbye pal.

Sheldon: it was certainly one of the deadliest monsters of that world, and should you pick a fight with it, you will end up crushed.

*some dirt is seen moving before the golem bursts out of it and lets out a roar.

Banban[]

Sheldon: welcome to Banban’s kindergarten, it’s a… well, kindergarten, you take you’re kids there and then come back and pick them up, however this one is a little different.

Deadpool: yeah basically under the place was a massive facility that housed a bunch of monsters that were created by people, it’s basically you’re average generic horror game plot, only these ones look a bit more messed up.

sheldon: this is because of a substance called givanium… ok, and it basically brought all of these things to life and made them really veiny.

Deadpool: like my di-

Sheldon: but unsurprisingly these experiments turned on them, and one of the smartest of these experiments was Banban.

Deadpool: not much is known about this monster, however what we do know is that he was nicknamed the devil… and flumbo, but after taking over he actually began some experiments of his own, and seeked out the kids who were in the care of a big orange jellyfish.

Sheldon: eventually a person came down to the facility, looking for their missing child, and seeing an opportunity Banban decided to manipulate them into getting the key cards for him, mostly due to the fact that he was afraid of some of the other creatures.

Deadpool: he then knocked the parent out, stole their key cards and brought them to another bit to experiment on later, until the parent broke out, alongside their drone, which by the way most of the characters are unaffected by being hit by, which is impressive considering how much that can hurt.

Sheldon: afterwards he then appears again to tell the parent that he is also looking for the kids and then actually helps them escape, before then telling them to go meet stinger Flynn, and then the last time he appears he was transformed by stinger Flynn into what has been noted as his hellish form.

Deadpool: and hoo boy is the hellish form where it’s at, the guy now has razor sharp teeth specifically for chewing through bodies to get too that pancreas, something he’s apparently addicted too, not too mention it has sharp horns on its head as well.

Sheldon: he’s fast enough to keep up with opila bird, considering how much it looks like an ostrich it’s likely opila can run at speeds as high as 45 mph, though it was also slowing down throughout the chase.

Deadpool: it can also kill the player, who tanked a moderate fall that knocked them out, opila also tanked a fall which vs battles user flashlight 237 calced to be worth 2930 joules of energy , and was back up a while later.

Sheldon: though this isn’t to say base ban ban doesn’t have anything, he’s got… syringes that he can use to get the givanium out of other experiments, and considering their size they would likely kill someone is stabbed through the right place.

Deadpool: unfortunately he was later killed by a hit from jumbo josh… well unless he comes back in the next chapter of course, he also put up a bit of a fight and jumped several feat in the air to hit his face.

Sheldon: he… is certainly a horror game monster, one who will get your pancreas.

Banban: sharing is caring, your pancreas is mine.

pre fight[]

the combatants are set, lets get this battle started.

we open up on an abandoned lab as some humming fills the area, some scuttling can be heard off in the distance as we enter a room and see one of our combatants, he has a lab coat, red skin and even has some horns on his head, his skin was also slightly veiny but that not important, he was currently working on a new experiment as he hummed away to himself, only to stop as he heard a thumping sound right outside the door, curious, Banban got up to go and see what it was, though just in case it was one of the more hostile creatures he grabbed a couple syringes for self defense.

as he exited into a corridor he turned left and began walking as the thumps grew louder until he turned too see he was only a few feet away from something he did not recognise, yes it was a similar monster but this one did not hold any of the traits of a givanium experiment, its skin was grey and smooth, and it looked as if to be covered in stitching.

slightly worried, Banban took a deep breath before speaking in a monotone voice “who… what are you” as he spoke he felt his body almost freeze up, something that intensified as the golem let out a loud roar before charging towards the horror antagonist.

FIGHT[]

the devil quickly managed to regain his footing as he dove out of the way of the golems strike before attempting to launch his own punch, one which barely staggered the beast, who proceeded to launch a backhanded slap that knocked flumbo several feet away and into a wall, almost dazing him and causing some whiplash.

as Banban attempted to catch his breath he once again dove out the way of an incoming hit as he brought out one of his syringes and stabbed the giant needle into the golems leg, “t-that should slow you down” he exclaimed, knowing he should have hit a vein, only nothing happened and the golem once again turned around to the surprise of Banban who began scooting backwards before entering a full on run away from the beast.

as he turned a corner he stopped to once again catch himself “woo, okay, gotta think of something, also gonna need to figure out what this is” he thinks before formulating a plan in his head and rushing into another room.

a few minutes pass by and there is just silence, we can see Banban standing in front of a door with a large pile of syringes next to him, all in preparation to fire upon the golem and test its limits, only, nothing was happening, it definitely should have entered by now, it was just a mindless beast right, so many questions went through the devils head as a bead of sweat drips down his head, awaiting the monster that was currently trying to kill him.

all of a sudden the door began creaking open as Banban let out a yell and began firing syringes non stop, whatever had open the door would certainly be a pincushion by now.

only problem was, there wasn’t anything at the door, and before he could question it a wall suddenly fell down, its other side very dented as the golem entered the room, “t-the hell, how strong is this thing” he exclaims in shock as the golem begins approaching him only for Banban to charge into its side, knocking it over as he began running as if his life depended on it, which it did.

as the devil ran he turned another corner only too stop as a certain sound filled his ear, scuttling, and it was coming from a nearby roof, giving the experiment a new idea as he formulated his plan, meanwhile nearby we can see the golem walking through a corridor, this… thing it was searching for had attempted to harm the child it was protecting, so a few broken bones felt like a good payback for it, but this thing was making it a lot more difficult to do.

All of a sudden the golem stopped as it heard incoming scuttling and looked up to see a blue spider with a large open mouth crawl on the roof above it, as it observed the spider crawl right above its head it didn’t notice Banban hiding nearby observing this creatures eventual defeat as Nabnab dropped down onto the golems head and began biting, only for the golem to instantly grab its two sides of its mouth and begin pulling in opposite directions, leaving a pained shriek to leave to spider mouth as it struggled in the golems grip before finally being ripped in half, spraying a blue coloured blood all over the place.

The golem suddenly turned as it heard a gasp from Banban as he stared in shock at the death of the creature that had almost killed him several times, though before either could register what was about to happening an orange tentacle has suddenly grabbed ahold of Banban from the side and had dragged him off.

all of a sudden a large booming voice is heard throughout the area as the golem looks around “you are an interesting creature, and in his current state I do not believe Banban could keep up with you, so what if we try this”, all of a sudden the golem hears nearby running as it turns around to see Banban coming towards it, only now he had demonic white eyes and exposed sharp teeth, as the golem walked towards him hellish Banban had one things to say…

“YOUR PANCREAS IS MINE”

all of a sudden he leapt towards the golem and launched several hits towards its chest, knocking it back as the golem launches a hit to his side that slams him into a wall, only now Banban wasn’t nearly as fazed as he launched back forwards and bit down upon the golems arm, ripping it off as it spat the arm out in disgust “is that… clay”, though suddenly he was caught of guard as the golem let loose another punch with its one remaining arm that let out a loud crunch within the devils body, causing him to clutch his stomach in pain as he backed away.

as Banban attempted to recuperate he was grabbed by the face and slammed into a wall several times, causing a bloodstain on the wall before tossing him in the other direction and slamming its hand down into his leg, crushing it as Banban let out a yell of pain as the golem lifted him up by his shoulder and squeezed, crushing more bone as it slammed him into the floor, cracking his spine and causing some internal bleeding as he tried to crawl away, only to be caught of guard by a punch to the back of his head, causing brain matter to erupt out the top as the golem got up.

K.O

looking around, the golem proceeded to walk off in search of the child it had to protect.

Elsewhere, Opila bird walks by a mirror thats image changes to that of a forest as moloch observed a place that could be useful in forming an army.

RESULTS[]

Deadpool: wow, that was slightly better than i thought it would be.

Sheldon: Banban held some advantages in this fight, he was scientifically smarter and possibly faster, depending on how you scale him to Opila bird.

Deadpool: yeah, except the ostrich thing wasn’t actually anywhere near how fast it actually likely is, i mean, even an ordinary mother could outrun it temporarily, not too mention there is some potential bullet timing speeds in sleepy hollow, heck even the other characters feats of reacting to the horseman’s sword swings reach at minimum 48 mph, so the golem definitely held reaction speed.

Sheldon: not too mention fighting skill, its taken on numerous trained soldiers throughout the years, something that cannot be said for Banban.

Deadpool: and when you get down to it, the golems feat of crushing steel can reach a force of 40,000 psi, which in joules equals 7809511.4, or 7.8 megajoules which is 2665 times stronger than the fall Opila tanked, and while its possible jumbo Josh’s feat reaches higher, Banban was one shot by the guy, so he in no way scales.

Sheldon: even without its potential immortality, it was clear Banban wouldn’t stand much of a chance.

Deadpool: guess we can say goodbye to that hollow Garten.

Sheldon: the winner is, the golem.

next time[]

… this was a bonus episode there is no next time.

track[]

this would be known as clay pancreases in reference too how one is made of clay and the other enjoys pancreases.

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