Description[]
DC VS Sega! Two of fiction’s fastest speedsters clash in a battle faster than the speed of light in order to determine who is the true embodiment of “speed”. Will the Scarlet Speedster overcome his spiky opponent, or will the Blue Blur spin dash to victory? Stay tuned to find out!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Speed, the measurement of how fast animals, people and objects are.
Boomstick: And these two speedy heroes are among the fastest beings in their universes, however only one can claim the title of the fastest speeder in fiction! Wally West, the Flash.
Wiz: And Composite Sonic the Hedgehog, the Blue Blur.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick!
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
The Flash (Wally West)[]
Wiz: Of all the superheroes in the DC Comics Multiverse, none give the thrilling legacy and mythological expansions of the Flash.
Boomstick: And Barry isn't the only speedster running around in red tight spandex! Hes got a whole legacy of spandex speedsters!
Wiz: But of all the Flash Family members from Max Mercury to Impulse, none paved way for a greater legacy then the legendary Wally West.
Boomstick: Wait you're telling me Kid Flash became a Flash too? Like that little ginger boy?
Wiz: Why yes as a matter of fact. But before he was the Flash, he was...just Kid Flash.
Boomstick: Turns out being related to the Flash just so happens to give you a pass for being able to perform the bullshit he can do! And like every superhero, Flash needed a sidekick that was just as bullshit as him...only slightly less.
Wiz: But everything changed in the fateful comic of Crisis on Infinite Earths.
Boomstick: The Multiverse was in havoc because a big guy in a suit of armor called the Anti-Monitor decided "fuck you, I'm gonna turn you from infinite to finite!" and began destroying the Multiverse.
Wiz: With the Anti-Matter Canon closing in on the remaining five universes, someone had to stop it. Barry Allen stepped up to the plate, sabotaging the canon, but at the cost of taking his own life...well sort'ave. It was kind'ave revealed that he went into the Speed Force?
Boomstick: Rule of thumb for comics; if a character dies, don't cry. They'll be back whether its convenient or not.
Wiz: In Barrys' absence stood Wally West, where all that was left behind for him was his costume and his legacy. Wally did what he needed to do and took up the mantle of the Flash.
Boomstick: And he did so a little...too well?
Wiz: Like his former predecessor, Wally possessed multiple powers at his disposal via a mystical source of power known as the Speed Force. A quasi-mystical dimension of a near infinite pool of energy that gives speedsters their insane and versatile powers.
Boomstick: In lay-mans terms, its the Super-Convenient-Bullshit-Get-Outta-Jail-Free-Force! Like seriously, this shit lets you do basically anything! Broke your leg? Speed Force. Stuck in a universe that doesn't even exist? Speed Force. Bullets about to blow your fucking head off point-blank? Speed Force! Seriously, there is no getting around this thing.
Wiz: With the Speed Force, Wally gets insane powers and abilities, most notably super speed, but also superhuman strength and durability.
Boomstick: He can form cyclones and tornadoes by just spinning his arms and legs, phase through solid objects or people if hes feeling particularly passive aggressive, generate lightning from his body, and heal quick wounds on the fly.
Wiz: He can travel through time like Barry, and has even traveled to a point where Death itself doesn't even exist on a CONCEPTUAL LEVEL!
Boomstick: Like I said Wiz...Speed Force. Just...Speed Force.
Wiz: One of his more notable abilities is one that was taught to him by Barry called, the Infinite Mass Punch. His mass approaches infinity and his speed goes beyond light, and hits foes with the force of a White Dwarf Star, which was strong enough to knock out a White Martian in just one punch, and these are creatures that can give Superman the hurt.
Boomstick: But that isn't anything to his ability to steal the speed from others. Once he taps your ass, you'll be a nice trophy for his basement.
Wiz: Speed Steal allows Wally to steal the speed of others, even non-Speed Force users, and in some instances can do it to the point where his opponents are immobilized, making them take a statue that takes a century just to blink.
Boomstick: A fate worse then death! And since hes a DC character, he gets a DLC of having a lot of tough shit that he takes right up his spandex ass. Such as surviving in a universe coated with anti-matter, the same shit that erases planets from existence, casually just standing there and...brooding?
Wiz: Wally was also able to resist Doctor Manhattan erasing him from existence in the waking events of the Flashpoint Paradox, granted it sent him to the Speed Force, Wally has shown plenty of times he can enter and exit the Speed Force whenever he wants too.
Boomstick: He can take hits from his arch rival, Hunter Zolomon who Wonder Woman claims can hit harder then Superman, survived being tackled across the planet, and hits from Mongul, an enemy of Superman.
Wiz: Wally once also survived running to the end of the universe and fit himself through the “pinprick” that is the infinite singularity that is the Big Crunch, effectively withstanding the implosion of the universe.
Boomstick: Bu- Wh- Agh- What were the writers of the 90s THINKING when they write this shit? How does a GUY IN A SPANDEX SUIT THAT RUNS FAST SURVIVE THE IMPLOSION OF THE EXPLOSION THAT STARTED THE UNIVERSE, SOMETHING THAT SPANS BILLIONS OF LIGHT-YEARS?
Wiz: Yes.
Boomstick: Wallys strong enough to slug it out too, even his kicks alone hit with the force of a Moon! So his punches nuke stars, his kicks nuke moons, does his head-butt nuke planets?
Wiz: I...wouldn't be surprised.
Boomstick: But we can't forget Wallys insane, and quite frankly immeasurable speed! Hes outran the explosion of the Big Bang, and even instantaneous teleportation itself!
Wiz: To be fair, Wally needed to absorb the kinetic energy of every human on Ea-
Boomstick: And if that doesn't convince you, Wally is outright fast enough to outrun the concept of thought and the Speed Force itself! All right thats it! I'm done! I can't take anymore comic book shenanigans, its giving me an existential crisis!
Wiz:...Can't say I blame him. But luckily my mind was built for withstanding this much horse shit. Wally also generated 60% of destructive speed in his race with Barry in the Flash War, causing the fabric of the Multiverse to fall into jeopardy, affecting multiple realms of reality such as the Microverse, the Sphere of Gods, and the Green, a metaphysical realm that is linked to all of Creation...yeah...
Boomstick: But despite ALL OF THIS, Wally still (somehow) has his flaws. Sometimes being so damn broken makes you pretty cocky and usually he relies on his Justice League buddies to help him out while sometimes he just messes around. And hes gotta eat a lot. Like a lot, lot.
Wiz: And the Speed Force itself can sometimes spontaneously rupture, causing him to trip or fall randomly.
Boomstick: Even then, nothing like that has ever slowed him down.
Wiz: Wally has time and time again proven to us what it means to be living in the moment, and growing up and breaking the boundaries. His connection with the Speed Force and ever expanding Flash Family is what makes him the fastest man alive.
Keystone City is under the protection of a man who can throw haymakers like machine-gun fire... who can create cyclones with a wave of his arm... who can outrun gravity. Keystone is my city.
Composite Sonic[]
Credit for the Sonic info goes to BangJang96 and vh1660924 on DeviantArt.
Wiz: Sonic the Hedgehog has many origins. In the Games, Sonic lives in a world where humans and anthropomorphic animals peacefully coexist. In the Comics, he was the son of two war veterans of a conflict between anthropomorphic animals and futuristic humans, and in the Sonic X anime the Blue Blur and his friends lived on another planet and were transported to the planet Earth as a result of the phenomenon known as Chaos Control.
Boomstick: Origins aside, the main thing all these versions of Sonic have in common is that he is a blue hedgehog who spends his days kicking the egg-shaped ass of his nemesis, Doctor Ivo Robotnik/Doctor Eggman, a crazy scientist who dreamed of ruling the world with an iron fist.
Wiz: Sonic has several abilities to aid him in his never ending battle against Eggman. He’s strong enough to uproot a tree with his bare hands, smash apart robots with ease, destroy fleets of battleships, grab and throw back a missile with one hand and during his fight with Metal Sonic created an explosion capable of dislodging a mountain-sized rock, a feat estimated to require 75-199 megatons of TNT.
Boomstick: Sonic’s strength is also on par with Shadow the Hedgehog’s who was capable of playing tug of war with the Final Mova plant-kaiju monster who was using an large planet as his base. Also, despite being a fairly small blue hedgehog, Sonic is a pretty durable motherfucker! He can survive the vacuum of space with no issue whatsoever, had his butt repeatedly burned by boiling lava, endured being frozen alive, shrugged off plasma shots, taken hits from Knuckles who is strong enough to cause volcanic eruptions with his punches and tanked blows from Super Shadow and Super Scourge.
Wiz: However, Sonic’s most impressive physical attribute is his speed...
Boomstick interrupts.
Boomstick: Oh boy, here we go...
Wiz: Game Sonic can run at supersonic speeds and run across water, however Archie Sonic can go way WAY faster, easily being able to surpass the speed of light many times over. He’s been able to run across a country in seconds, spin dash enough to appear invisible, temporarily outrun an artificial black hole, outpace and dodge meteors, can blitz several robot masters including Quick Man, was able to reverse the Quantum Dial with his speed, a device capable of rupturing the space time continuum. Sonic has also gathered a 1000 other versions of himself across the Cosmic Interstate and when pushing his speed to the limit, everything around him appears frozen and he can warp reality.
Boomstick: Long story short, Sonic is REALLY fucking fast!
Wiz: Sonic is really agile, being an Olympic level athlete, is able to grind on rails and dodge attacks in mid-air. He’s able to run for days on end without stopping and has resisted the corruptive influences of Dark Gaia as well as several other instances of mind control.
Boomstick: And don’t let appearances deceive you, despite being pretty cocky, Sonic has shown to be quite intelligent. He learned how to use Chaos Control just by watching Shadow the Edgelord perform it once, is pretty cunning in battle and is skilled at exploiting his opponent’s weaknesses. Most impressively, he’s outsmarted Eggman multiple times who has an IQ of 300 which is more than the combined IQs of Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein combined. How can a blue hedgehog accomplish all these crazy feats?!
Wiz: Chuckles We haven’t even got onto his techniques, equipment and transformations yet. Anyways, Sonic is a skilled swordsman and martial artist. He has shown proficiency in boxing and judo, defeated the 3,000 year old martial artist Segata Sanshiro as well as Ultimate Emerl, who had the combined abilities of Sonic, Shadow, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Rouge, E-102 Gamma, and Chaos, has 4000 years of combat knowledge, the energy to destroy stars, and all seven Chaos Emeralds in its possession.
Boomstick: Being a hedgehog, Sonic is pretty skilled at burrowing and digging through the ground. His quills are sharp enough to cut through metal, tingle when Sonic is in danger and can harden and soften at will, like my dic~
Boomstick gets slapped by Wiz’s robotic arm
Boomstick: Oh come on, Wiz! It was worth pointing out the comparison!
Wiz sighs
Wiz: Trust me, Boomstick, it really wasn’t. Disgusting jokes aside, Sonic’s most famous technique is the Spin Attack/Spin Dash where he curls up into a ball and attacks opponents with his quills. There’s also the Homing Attack where Sonic jumps into the air and locks onto foes before launching at them and the Blue Tornado where he creates a tornado around his opponents that not only sucks out the nearby oxygen and temporarily suffocates the opponent, but also sends them flying upwards and disarms them of any weapons they were previously carrying.
Boomstick: The blue blur also has the ability to vibrate his molecules in order to heal himself from injuries and can even grab and throw balls of water at his opponent in order to distract them.
Wiz: Sonic can pick up several spherical shields to aid him in battle. The regular shields protect him from all kinds of attacks, the fire shield negates fire and heat damage and the bubble shield allows him to breathe underwater. However, these shields will disappear after a single hit, so Sonic can’t afford to be too reliant on them.
Boomstick: Another handy tool in Sonic’s arsenal are his rings. They can increase his speed and strength in battle, defend Sonic from damage and open up portals to other dimensions. When I find myself a new wife, I’ll be sure to her give one of these rings for our engagement!
Wiz: These rings are mere child’s play compared to the most powerful ring of all, the One Billionth Ring. This ring protects Sonic both physically and spiritually and can even preserve Sonic’s life force to prevent it from being destroyed, like the time he was completely vaporized by the Ultimate Annihilator and returned to life just fine.
Boomstick: Continuing through Sonic’s never ending list of equipment, he has a medallion around his neck that can transform into a guitar capable of shooting laser blast, a talking sword named Caliburn who can advise Sonic in battle and the Time Stones, a group of stones allowing Sonic to travel through time and change history.
Wiz: Sonic also has own Extreme Gear called the Blue Star, a hoverboard fuelled by air that is capable of creating mini tornados and smashing through cars with ease. His blue enerbeam stems from his communicator device. It can grab onto opponents, redirect incoming projectiles and even be used as a whip.
Boomstick: The blue hedgehog is friends with the Wisp aliens who can lend Sonic a helping hand and grant him a number of unique abilities, however to save time, we’ll only be discussing his strongest Wisp powerup, the Final Color Blaster, a technique where Sonic uses the combined power of all the Wisps to attack an opponent.
Wiz: However, the most handy tool in Sonic’s arsenal are the seven Chaos Emeralds which give Sonic access to the pool of energy known as the Chaos Force. With a single emerald, Sonic’s power is greatly increased and he has the ability to teleport using Chaos Control, however when he has all seven emeralds, Sonic can use the technique of Chaos Control to its fullest effect being able to teleport massive objects, scatter objects, slow down time and even stop it completely. The power of the Chaos Emeralds is also capable of bringing about a Super Genesis Wave, an event capable of rewriting the entire Multiverse and wiping people out of existence.
Boomstick: And to top it all off, the seven Chaos Emerald allow Sonic to access his Super form. Super Sonic increases Sonic’s power a thousand fold, allows him to fly, is nigh-invulnerable, grants Sonic the ability to turn intangible and makes Sonic capable of contending with godlike beings. The form was even strong enough to destroy an entire pocket dimension during Sonic’s battle with Hyper Knuckles. Alright Wiz, now it’s time for me to show you my Super Boomstick form!!
Boomstick gathers seven beer cans around himself and attempts to power up, but ends up farting instead, causing Wiz to hold his nose.
Wiz: Charming, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Whoops, that must have been from the cheeseburger I ate last night!
Wiz ignores Boomstick and continues with Sonic’s analysis.
Wiz: It should also be mentioned that while the Super form has a time limit in the games, Sonic can use the form for as long as he needs in the comics and when he does decide to drop out of it, he returns to his base form in peak physical condition, regardless of his state prior to the transformation.
Boomstick: However, if you thought Super Sonic was Sonic’s only transformation, you’d be wrong! While Sonic’s Super form stems from positive Chaos energy, Sonic can draw upon negative Chaos energy to become Dark Sonic. While the form greatly increases his speed and strength, it makes him a lot more brutal and sadistic. He’s also only briefly tapped into the form once and that was only because the lives of his friends were at stake, so it’s not a transformation he has much experience with.
Wiz: If Super Sonic isn’t enough for Sonic to claim victory over an opponent, he can use the Master Emerald to temporarily upgrade the seven Chaos Emeralds into the Super Emeralds. With a single Super Emerald, the Blue Blur enters his Ultra Sonic form which not only grants Sonic the traditional abilities of super strength, super speed, flight and invulnerability, but also allows him to create portals to other dimensions and manipulate elements through the use of atomic manipulation. Long story short, the form essentially makes Sonic a wizard.
Boomstick: You’re a wizard, Sonic! Harry Potter memes aside, with the power of all seven Super Emeralds, Sonic unlocks his ultimate form, Hyper Sonic. This form is likely to be at least seven times as strong as Super Sonic, allows Sonic to breathe underwater and grants him a unique attack, the Hyper Flash, a blinding flash of light that causes severe damage to anyone nearby.
Wiz: Sonic has many impressive feats to his name. He’s foiled Dr. Eggman’s schemes multiple times, defeated the likes of Perfect Chaos, Metal Overlord, Solaris and Time Eater, stopped the Space Colony ARK from colliding with the Earth alongside Shadow, fought and defeated the godlike Sigma-3 with Super Armour Mega Man’s help and alongside Hyper Knuckles and Turbo Tails bested Master Mogul who held power equivalent to 12 Chaos Emeralds.
Boomstick: Despite his insane level of power, Sonic is not without his flaws. Being only 15, he’s pretty cocky and has a huge ego While he has learnt to swim in the comics, he hates being around water. He can still be damaged in his transformations by beings equal to or stronger than him, his Ultra and Hyper forms also have time limits and can’t even last a full minute without a steady supply of rings. Additionally, while he can bring about a Super Genesis Wave using the Chaos Emeralds, he has little control over the effects of the wave which could completely change his personality and wipe him out of existence if he’s not careful. Finally and most importantly, he has one of the WORST fanbases ever. Trust me, you DO NOT want to be looking up Sonic fan art on the internet. Wiz did it once and he had nightmares for weeks!
Wiz glares at Boomstick before continuing
Wiz: However, when the world is in danger, you can guarantee the Blue Blur will always speed to the rescue!
Sonic: Alright! Our next adventure awaits us so there’s no time to waste! Yeah, we’re Sonic Heroes!!!
Pre-DEATH BATTLE[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
