| The Doctor X Kamui Tokinomiya | |
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| Season 2, Episode 6 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | 4/2/15 (APRIL FOOLS DAY SUCKS!) |
| Written by | BMHKain |
| Directed by | BMHKain |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Sakuya Izayoi X Fiona Mayfield | Lilica Felchenerow X Nanase |
The Doctor X Kamui Tokinomiya is a What-If Episode of DEATH BATTLE featuring The Doctor Portrayed by Peter Capaldi.
Description[]
Doctor Who X Arcana Heart! Two Time mastered entities finally meet in battle! Will The Doctor, his cleverness, and his Sonic Screwdriver (Maybe even a Spoon?) make for an interesting fight, or will Kamui, and her Katana; Tamayorihime, slash through more than mere flesh?
Note[]
I'll be using The 12th Iteration of the Doctor for this one. Anyone who cares to respect my statement may stay, otherwise, I recommend watching Season 8 of the Current Doctor Who series to examine his flawed, yet amazing personality Peter Capaldi seems to pull off every time...
Interlude[]
Wiz: Time: It has many identities, and even one can master it without notice, or even abuse its power inexplicitly.
Boomstick: You said something? I couldn't help but seeing these two time warriors abuse time for the sake of JUSTICE! What could be better than that? PRACTICALLY NOTHING.
Wiz: The Doctor, The Last of the Time Lords.
Boomstick: AND Kamui Tokinomiya, Thousan Years Protector, and Arcana Maiden of Time!
Wiz: Many regulations are to be in effect for this fight. While both combatants can pause time, they can't travel through it for any and EVERY reason. Also, either combatant can enter the TARDIS, but is not allowed to operate it. Cheating death by Regeneration is also not allowed, thus The Doctor can't use his regenerations. Finally, Companions can't interrupt meaning whatever is with The Doctor at the time, and Konoha, who Kamui treats as though she is her guardian is out too.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their Weapons, Armor, & Skills to find out who would win... A DEATH BATTLE.
The Doctor[]
Wiz: Space. The last place to find an opponent to fight. The place: Gallifrey, a planet once thriving with life, now destroyed. With carnage of such atrocities like Daleks-
Dalek: EXTERMINATE!
Wiz: Cybermen-
Cyberman: Prepare to be UPGRADED!
Wiz: This kind of technology is further evidence the idea of Aliens are very much alive.
Boomstick: But none more sleek, and awesome than the Time Lord; MORE SO, the last of them!
The 11th Doctor: Yowza.
Wiz: Actually, that's not the Doctor we'll be using. Instead, we'll be focusing on the 12th and FINAL Doctor. Sorry Matt Smith fans.
Boomstick: But for the select few who care, you'll be amazed!
Wiz: This variant of The Doctor only lasted a season so far, and he's already proven to be a match against the rest of his predecessors.
Boomstick: Also, even though he can be witty, he has a threatening demeanor. Hell, he trapped poor Clara Oswald because his Sonic Screwdriver can only do so much for lifting weight!
Wiz: It should already be noted that a Time Lord's muscle mass is more amazing than that of an Olympic Weightlifter-
Boomstick: Or Data of Star Trek the Next Generation!
Wiz: Right. But his true power lies within his Signature Sonic Screwdriver.
Boomstick: Now, before we go further into the Doctor's signature tool, keep in mind he doesn't always had this tool in his arsenal. Take the 4th Doctor from the days of yore, portrayed by Tom Baker. He had many tools in that bag, but only a regular screwdriver is in there!
Wiz: In fact, it wasn't until the 9th Doctor when we saw the popularity of the Sonic Screwdriver; Who, only lasted one season.
Boomstick: Poor Christopher Eleccson...
Wiz: This tool can analyze Data for the Doctor to use for future reference. It can even be used for a light, and even destroy small spacecraft, which is obviously impossible, as this isn't a weapon that can over- WHAT.
Boomstick: What it can't affect is wood. There is nothing to analyze in there! And not even The Doctor's spoon can stop it!
Wiz: But The Doctor has a lot of Physical/Mental ability that surpasses that of Humans. He can potentially have Deadeye aim, at someone, and shoot point blank, and still kill.
Boomstick: Or in the case of Him X Robin Hood, in a duel of ARROWS no less, Their arrows split each other's arrows, until Doc's had enough!
The 12th Doctor: This is getting silly...!
BOOM!
Wiz: Hell, you could even say a spoon can deflect singular bullets from a pistol, or resist steel from a sword. Doctor Who has indeed done them all. But not only is he a combat expert, and has mastered the Sonic Screwdriver, His intellect is near perfect.
Boomstick: IN FACT, the only opponent he can lose to in any game is eiter his FORMER Robot Dog, K9, and himself! And I dunno about you, everybody, BUT I'VE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW THIS ALIEN BYPASSES OTHERWISE IMPOSSIBLE TO AVOID SITUATIONS WITH EASE! We've attempted the same scenarios in real life. Trust us BBC, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Wiz: It seems his wit must be his biggest weapon of intelligence, because the 10th, and 11th Doctors evaded regeneration because of this.
Boomstick: Um... Can we get to the plusses please? I can't help but imagine the stupidity I'll be forced into because BBC America brought this to the USA...
Wiz: It should be noted The Doctor (The 12th in tis case) has only gotten smarter, and more powerful than ever. Even as he permanently lost his youthfulness now, his speed, strength and stamina is better than a normal human.
Boomstick: Despite their former enemyship, the Centaurians, who were enemies of The Doctor FOR YEARS, ultimately made peace as a result of giving up one of their own. He ultimately was part of a conference regarding The Doctor's NAME, and even fought off Robots with organic parts! Holy... crap!
Wiz: The Doctor even seems to know so much about Time, and Space, it questions our own History, and Science elements. How does Steven Moffat, an episode writer of the show do it?
Boomstick: BUT, the worst has yet to come. Even with Two hearts, The Doctor can feel a lot of pain even with one heart damaged! Talk about DOUBLE CARDIAC ARREST!
Wiz: Even just puncturing or even ripping out of The Doctor's hearts will kill him beyond what he can expect. As the Eleventh Doctor, he almost lost to his Cyberman form, which was defeated by use of his Sonic Screwdriver.
Boomstick: ONE MAJOR FLAW HE HAD was he wanted The Master, yes there is another Time Lord, to help The Doctor. If it weren't for the Final Iteration, he would want help from her, yes, The Master was a Man, but before she died she was a Woman, He would need help forever.
Wiz: No matter what iteration of the Doctor is, no matter how old, or young, the Doctor will be in our Heart and Soul of Nostalgia...
Boomstick: Unless one Arcana Maiden can end ALL the Nostalgia Whoring...
The 12th Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I've lived for over 2,000 years. I've made many mistakes. It's about time that I did something about that...
Kamui Tokinimiya[]
Wiz: Long ago, before our civilization cared much less for magic, there is a World unlike our own. Perhaps 1000 years prior to the First Arcana Heart Game, The Legendary Elemental Arcanas fought some of the worst evils of all... As war plagued the streets of Japan, the Legendary Arcana Maidens fought for their lives to save all that ever was... Ultimately, Good prevailed, at a cost of many, MANY lives. Thankfully, the one remaining Legendary Maiden survived the carnage only to be awoken by her Arcana of Time: Anutpada. When that day comes, all hell will break loose again, and a New generation of Arcana Maidens would need her help more than ever. Her name... is Kamui Tokinomiya.
(*Cues Record/dj Scratch Sound Effect*)
Boomstick: WHAT!!! That's FUCKING BULLSHIT! A friggen High-Schooler saved what's left of the EARTH!!!?
Wiz: As a matter of Fact, Yes! Kamui has assisted the New generation of Arcana Maidens to this day, and is an ally of Heart Aino.
Boomstick: fucking... pink-haired... heart-shaped ahoge... WHORE!!!
Wiz: Kamui is known as the Thousand Year Protector, and has a sword built just for her; A soul slashing monstrosity of a sword that is called "Tamayorihime".
Boomstick: SINCE WHEN THE FUCK DID TAMAGOTCHI BECOME ROYALTY TO THE JAPS!?
Wiz: Incorrect. Tamagotchi has nothing to do with it. Tamayorihime is a Katana that cuts through AETHER, an elemental substance within souls, without cutting the skin, or flesh.
Boomstick: I fear this... But then again, at least we don't have to see brains blown up, or blood and gore!
Wiz: It's worse than it sounds. When one's soul is destroyed, that person doesn't go to Heaven, nor Hell, rendering them as nothing but a hollow shell.
Boomstick: AW CRAP!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS BITCH!?
Wiz: Let's let her skill set decide how dangerous she is... Koufu is Kamui's Counter move. Depending on what variant she uses, she can counter Low, Standard, or two differing Air attacks.
Boomstick: DAMN, Hakumen isn't gonna like this...
Wiz: Uruma has a dependant startup, and afterwards, depending on how far she goes, can either be a hit or miss slash. Even if it doesn't hit the opponent, it can stop the opponents attack sometimes...
Boomstick: This is confusing Compa fans already, and she sexually harassed Neptune.
Wiz: I don't think anybody wanted to read that...
Boomstick: I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS, COMPA! YOU MADE A LAVENDER HAIRED CUTIE DEPRESSED, AND HER IDIOCY HAS SHIFTED TO FUCKING DEPRESSION! LOOK WHAT YOUR IDOL HAS DONE!!
Wiz: ... Anyways, Kanna is a sword drawing move that can slash, or even sweep the enemy from their feet!
Boomstick: I BETTER HOPE WHEN THE DAY COMES WHEN COMPA FIGHTS NEPTUNE, THE LATTER ANNIHILATES HER!!!
Wiz: Tenza is an aerial crescent slash that slams the opponent to the ground, and depending on what variant is used, can slash 1-3 times.
Boomstick: RAPE MY FAVORITE KLUTZ-
Wiz: We get it! Compa is evil! Now shut up already!
Boomstick: ... okay...
Wiz: Wazabane is an aerial move that DIVEBOMBS the opponent, while Habaki shoots a projectile at the opponent at varying ranges.
Boomstick: BUT, it doesn't end there! each of those moves has an upgraged version thanks to Kamui's Kunugi! At a cost of some health, Kunugi powers up your specials, and overtime, you can gain that life back!
Wiz: Such powered up moves include: Kagesuki increasing the power and speed of Uruma, Sazarashi turns Kanna into a 3 hit move, Seizan broadens the range of Tenza's reach of attack, and Finally, Kodama stores the button you used until you use it, ore you get hit, or block.
Boomstick: And that's NOT EVEN THE END OF IT!
Wiz: Muon slashes through the opponent, and knocks them down, while Horobi allows Kamui to do her best Sephiroth impression.
Boomstick: DON'T DO IT! You know HOW MUCH that moment made me sob my fucking eyes out! And if it didn't to you, YOU ARE A HOLLOW MONSTER!
Wiz: We haven't even gotten to the Critical Heart, or even the DAMNED move list for Kamui's Arcana!
Boomstick: Shit.
Wiz: Shi Matsuri requires a counter to be hit to use it, but it is one of the most powerful Critical Hearts EVER.
Boomstick: One slash... ONE FUCKING SLASH CAUSES ABSOLUTE ANNIHILATION!!!
Wiz: What Boomstick is trying to say is: one slash will kill anyone who hits that counter. THERE IS A REASON ONE OF KAMUI'S PALLETES MAKES HER LOOK LKE HAKUMEN...
Boomstick: Screw Jin Kisaragi! Kamui Tokinomiya is the one true Hakumen!
Wiz: But we haven't even begun to talk about Kamui's Arcana!
Boomstick: UUUUAAAAGH!!!
Wiz: Impurity makes even a back dash dangerous by making a double of Kamui that, when hit, the opponent will pause for a bit, while causality creates charged doubles that attack after you, making this Passive ability, YES, this is passive, unpredictable.
Boomstick: Freedom from Bondage is Anutpada's only special. It is a floating orb that can be used as a shield, but can be reflected right back. Watch out Kamui...
Wiz: Emptiness teleports is opposed to other Arcana which simply allows Homing Cancels, whereas infinite Light traps the opponent in time for quite awhile.
Boomstick: Freedom from Words is one hell of an Extend Force! Kamui is faster, & I dunno who, or what can keep up!
Wiz: Finally (AND WE PROMISE TOO.), Original Unproducedness will make you say: Za Waruwho? It pauses time for 8 seconds, which is an eternity in a fighting game.
Boomstick: BUT ONE FLAW: IT'S SOOOOOO FUCKING SLOW THE BUILD UP!!!
Wiz: Despite arguably being one of the better Arcana Blazes, 3 seconds of build time also seems like forever, you would expect the Arcana Maiden of Time to learn from somebody like Dio Brando and his STAR PLATINUM: THE WORLD ABILITY.
Boomstick: Are we done with the moves? I can't take much more of this!
Wiz: Yes.
Boomstick: Thank FRICKEN whatever caused my Compa Tourette's!
Wiz: We don't want to hear from it!
Boomstick: Sorry...
Wiz: Kamui has been fighting before this Millenium even occurred, giving her massive experience in combat!
Boomstick: She looks sixteen, but she's paused her age cycle for WAY longer! In actuality, she has been living for over a millennium!
Wiz: As one of Arcana Heart's Greatest, Her Sword can turn living beings into HOLLOW, HOLLOW corpses.
Boomstick: And if you thought that wasn't bad, she doesn't even need to puncture flesh to kill!
Wiz: Anutpada is one of Arcana Heart's most technical of the best, allowing for unique moves you wouldn't normally think of. Even it's Extend Force is the equivalent of Kiritsugu Emiya of Fate/zero's Time alter Magic!
Kiritsugu Emiya: time alter... DOUBLE ACCEL!
Boomstick: Time Powers! AWAY!!!
Wiz: But even one of Arcana Heart's most popular has her flaws... As an honorable fighter, she doesn't take out opponents mindlessly-
Boomstick: Like- OW! What the hell was that for?!
Wiz: You wanted to keep talking about Compa, I have her weapon.
Boomstick: Anyways... Kamui never truly fought the Avalonne Sisters, Parace L'sia either time, or even Gilgamesh! It was all Heart's doing!
Wiz: She sometimes also feels pity unless someone makes her Dog-Ninja-Companion-Thing upset for any reason. That's how you make her mad.
Boomstick: But, even with those kinds of flaws, Few Arcana Maidens can beat Kamui, and Rivals can't do any better... I dunno how a Time Lord can fare...
(Mei-Fang attacks Kamui while in counter status...
SHING!
Shi Matsuri occurs, annihilating Mei as a result of electrocution.)
Announcer: BREAK DOWN!
Boomstick: Oh shit.
DEATH BATTLE[]
Lightning RIPPED through the sky as a Dimensional Rift slashed itself open by force, just as a police box materialized via space/time continuum.
(TARDiS Roars)
As what is actually a spaceship landed on the wet grass, A doggirl dressed as a kunoichi/ninja Hybrid examined the Tardis for a bit, only to be shocked by an old Scottish man coming out.
???: Augh! This isn't modern-day Japan! This is a genocidal mess created by some damned excuse for a creator!
Konoha, worried the 2000+ year entity tried to communicate with what is actually an alien...
(*Cues Samidare OST - Evaporation*)
Konoha: Um... Pardon me, but... Who- No... What are you?
The Doctor: Oh, jeez! I'm the Doctor, you damned excuse for a bitch!
Konoha: But, it's not my fault I'm here investigating the place, Doctor...
The Doctor: I don't mean bitch as a female insult! I meant it as a female dog terminology! Do you even know Biology when you see it?!
Konoha had a worried gut in her. She was more into Physical Education than, well, anything else, really. She backed off, but The Doctor didn't even budge. As Konoha kept backing off, she tripped over a rock, and fell from behind. As The Doctor came closer to Konoha, she asked:
Konoha: Are you going to r-
But she was interrupted in the process.
The Doctor: Don't be such an idiotic excuse for an alien. I don't do pornographic activity to damn Beastkins. Your question is beyond idiotic... & I'm quite curious if we're on the same boat about why it's beyond idiotic, now STOP with that sexual pose! As a Beastkin your age, you're not going to have children right now.
Konoha was somewhat relieved she doesn't have to have intercourse with another non-human, but with a squirming body, she won't admit it, but she does want to be involved in sexual affairs...
Konoha: W-well, about that...
(*Cues 05 Dogfight [Fate Zero OST 2]*)
Then, a woman stabbed an energy sword in front of Konoha, who already has desires for such heinous activity. Her name is Kamui.
Kamui: Leave her alone, old man.
The Doctor: As I already said to your friend there, I don't do pornographic activity towards Beastkins. The only reason she's blushing is that she wants to have her "babies"; disgusting I will admit.
Kamui was then mistaken, then woke up the Dog Kunoichi, telling her to find some boys her age elsewhere. Now her eyes were set on The Doctor.
Kamui: I'll forgive you for telling the truth. But that isn't enough to set you free from the fact that you made my friend perversely aroused. You will pay the price.
(*Cues TD Miko's Theme: Shoutoku Legend ~ True Administrator*)
The Doctor: & I thought the Furry Convention is out...
FIGHT!
Kamui tried the Mid-Version of Habaki, and The Doctor simply used his Sonic Screwdriver, circled it around the projectile, and it diminished. Doctor Who charged at Kamui, but Kamui used Kanna to sweep Him from below.
Kamui: Eat the Ground.
Despite hitting the ground, The Doctor simply somersaulted back to his feet.
The Doctor: I'm more clever than you think...
The Doctor Pulled out... A spoon. And went on the defense. Kamui striked with a combo of slashes, all blocked by one spoon.
Kamui: Nan-da? (What?) None of my attacks are working! What is that eating utensil made of?!
As her Tamayorihime was being deflected by a mere spoon, Kamui was kicked in the gut by The Doctor against his, & her free will. It did so much damage Kamui fell to the ground with Tamayorihime out of hand. The Doctor ran to the Soul Slashing energy blade, grabbed it, and scanned its blade with his Sonic Screwdriver.
BZZZZT!
The Doctor: Just when I thought Magic couldn't exist. THAT, is a soul cutting weapon! It doesn't cut through flesh! It simply turns those into HOLLOW BODIES!
Disgusted, The Doctor threw the Tamayorihime to the ground, and ran, just as Kamui was about to wake up. As Doctor Who tried to run, Kamui picked up her Tamayorihime in a jiffy, and chased suit.
(*Cues (High Quality) Shadow of the Colossus OST 29 - Sanctuary *)
As Kamui closed in, The Doctor entered the Tardis, just as Kamui passed it. She tried knocking, nothing. But then she remembered the spoon The Doctor had, and felt the door of the Tardis. It had a wooden feel, couldn't be too hard for Tamayorihime to cut through...
Kamui then used a bit of her health with Kunugi, Sazarashi was then used, slashing open the door in 3 hits. She then entered...
Kamui: Wha? This is beyond what I had in mind... It should be smaller than this!
The Tardis: Bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Almost Every variant of The Doctor said it himself. Kamui searched around for The Doctor, He SHOULD be close! As Kamui went downstairs, she searched for a bit. Nothing. Did the Doctor commit suicide for some weird reason? No. Is he hiding? Yes, but it's unknown where... As Kamui was thinking, she was surprised to see The Doctor successfully catching Kamui, flipping her from her feet, with the Doctor now wielding Tamayorihime.
(*Cues Doctor Who Series 8 Soundtrack - 12th Doctor's Theme Extended Version*)
As Kamui got up, she couldn't imagine anyone else fighting with her own weapon... The Doctor then slashed his adversary with Vim, Vigor, and force. Seeing her hopes of victory fade away, Kamui used Infinite Light to pause time JUST enough to retrieve her marquee weapon. Without a true weapon in his arsenal, all The Doctor can do is swing the Tamayorihime out of the way. But could he? As he was evading slashes with just his hands, Kamui used something The Doctor couldn't evade by what he's doing right now...
(*Doctor Who Series 8 Soundtrack - 12th Doctor's Theme Extended Version ends*)
SHING!!!
It felt as if time itself stopped. But then...
Slashes from all over we're slaughtering an old man-looking Time Lord. Shi Matsuri has arrived in DEATH BATTLE, and The Doctor's fate was ultimately sealed...
There was no further reason to continue the fight.
K.O.!
Ashamed for fighting an old man with no disregard for a way to avoid the fight altogether, Kamui simply left the Tardis altogether. She later met with Konoha, who eventually cheered her up with a milkshake.
Results[]
(*Cues Doctor Who: Listen - Brave Fears - Unreleased Music*)
The 12th Doctor: I am DOCTOR IDIOT!
Boomstick: Don't worry, Doctor, we don't hate you. We just wanted to find a semi-valid foe for you...
Wiz: This Fight was unpredictable! The primary constant was Kamui's Tamayorihime, whoever currently owned it.
Boomstick: The Doctor is Known for his wit!
Wiz: But, Wit can only go far... Despite wielding a myriad of weapons, It's not just wood the Sonic Screwdriver can't affect. Magic is something of mysterious power that could shut down The Doctor's signature tool...
Boomstick: Kamui is a force to be feared! Not only does Kamui use an AEther killing weapon, SHE CAN CONTROL TIME JUST AS EASILY AS THE DOCTOR!
Wiz: Plus, unlike everyone's favorite Time Lord, Kamui Tokinomiya is an Ever Evolving Soul killing machine.
Boomstick: At least he is kinda a W- Ah what the hell! The comments were right!
Wiz: The winner is... Kamui Tokinomiya.
Next Time[]
WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
The Battle between Arcana Maidens, and In-Births of the wind is coming soon...
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