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The Demoman vs. Gambit
Backgrounder (182)
Season 4, Episode 1
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Air date May 8th, 2015
Written by ParaGoomba348
Directed by Anonymous
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[[The Demoman vs. Gambit|

Backgrounder (182)

The Demoman vs. Gambit]] is a What-if? Episode of Death Battle, pitting The Demoman from Team Fortress 2 against Gambit from Marvel's X-Men.


Valve VS Marvel! Which explosion extraordinaire will blow up the competition?


Wiz: Explosions - They're awesome, they're badass, and they let us know which characters are dangerous.

Boomstick: As if Michael Bay himself, the demolition man of Team Fortress' RED Team, The Demoman!

Wiz: And the mutant thief of the X-Men, Gambit.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.


Wiz: The child Tavish Finnegan DeGroot was born to a poor family in the Scottish Highlands, and he knew from the beginning that he wanted to be a demolition man.

Boomstick: Yeah, by attempting to blow up the fucking LOCH NESS MONSTER! And then... kinda... got... taken away... from his adoptive parents... man, this almost sounds like a superhero origin story.

Wiz: Since then, Tavish was sent to a lowly grammar school, where he honed his bomb-making skills. Either they never caught this kid, or just let him off easy, because I can't think of a school that would ever let their students make explosives.

Boomstick: That sounds like the kind of school I'd go to!

Wiz: But then, as part of a really convoluted and nonsensical tradition, Tavish learned that all demolition men, or Demomen, are abandoned until their skills are developed enough. But then after reuniting with his parents, things started go downhill... again.

Boomstick: See, mommy said that Tavish needed to get a job, and daddy had 26 jobs before he died... and was blind. At the age of thirty.

Wiz: So Tavish set out to find a job, and ended up becoming a library cleaner. But then he was told not to look upon a cursed book known as... *sigh*

Boomstick: What is it, Wiz?

Wiz: Sorry, this story is getting a little too crazy for me. He was told to never look upon a cursed book known as the Bombinomicon, but... he did.

Boomstick: And now... he only has one eye. Hey Deathstroke! We found a new friend for you!

Wiz: Demoman was almost completely possessed by the book, but Merasmus stepped in and made sure that didn't happen. But then after all that, he joined the RED Team and became... The Demoman.

Boomstick: Because Demo loves explosives so much, that's what he used for his weapons! His standard weapon is the grenade launcher, which, well, launches grenades! Awesome... His other explosive gun is the stickybomb launcher, which fires spiked explosive bombs which can stick to anything! Except people.

Wiz: Which was basically just for the sake of balance...

Boomstick: But it's still a badass weapon! Being more of a defensive guy, ol' Demo likes to use a whole bunch of these bombs to make traps and- HO-HOLY SHIT HE JUST TOOK OUT THE ENTIRE BLU TEAM!

Wiz: But if Tavish ever decides that he needs to get up close and personal, he carries a Scrumpy bottle. Scrumpy being another form of alcohol.

Boomstick: But seriously, he uses a bottle as a weapon! Man, last time I got drunk and decided to blow stuff up, things didn't turn out so well.

Wiz: The Demoman is not, however, limited to blowing stuff up and drinking. In case he needs a bit more mobility, and he has some health left over, he can use his own stickybombs to jump large distances. However, this will deplete some of his health and as such cannot be used if he is low on health.

Boomstick: Never mind this guy's weird origin story and missing eye! How the hell can this guy even walk? I mean, he blows himself up, drinks constantly, and he has no depth perception!

Wiz: I... don't know. Video game logic? With his explosives and surprisingly effective melee tactics, The Demoman can be a formidable foe. He's held his own against the BLU Team, wiped out one form of the BLU Team with just one stickybomb trap, and was so good with a sword that he cut off a fountain's head!

Boomstick: The Demoman can blow up his enemies all he wants, but one thing he'll never get over... is his alcoholism. I have the same problem, but... I still have both eyes, and I'm not in Death Battle.

Demoman: What makes me a good Demoman? If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with ya now, would I?


Wiz: Mutants - many of them are the cause of accidents. This was not the case with Gambit, who was clearly a mutant from the day he was born.

Boomstick: See those red eyes of his? Yeah, his pupils were red instead of black. So his biological parents abandoned him, and he was kidnapped by some guys who called themselves... the Thieves' Guild.

Wiz: This child was raised in the ways of thievery, and once tried to pickpocket a man named Jean-Luc LeBeau. Instead of getting upset about it, LeBeau took him into his family and gave him the proper name, Remy LeBeau.

Boomstick: Buuuuuut then as part of a peace pact between the Thieves' Guild and the Assassins' Guild, Remy was arranged to marry this chick, Bella Donna Bo-u- sorry, what?

Wiz: Boudreaux. Anyway, this didn't work out, as her brother objected to the marriage, and then tried to kill Remy. Remy killed this man in self-defense, and as a result was excommunicated from the Thieves' Guild in an attempt to keep peace between guilds.

Boomstick: And then ol' Remy traveled the world and joined the X-Men in order to learn more about his powers, and adopted the nickname... Gambit. Alright Wiz, so you know how all mutants in X-Men have some sort of weird power?

Wiz: Yes I do, Boomstick.

Boomstick: Well, Remy learned he had the power to blow shit up!

Wiz: Indeed he does. You see, Remy doesn't just "blow shit up", he literally converts the potential energy in an object to kinetic energy, and somehow this causes the object to explode. It takes longer for larger objects to explode, but he hardly needs to blow up larger objects.

Boomstick: His trademark weapons are playing cards, which usually explode with the same force as hand-grenades! They're also much easier to store than hand-grenades, and no one would ever see an attack like THAT coming.

Wiz: He also wields a telescopic bo staff made of an adamantium alloy, and as such is nigh-indestructible, as well as some throwing knives and spikes. But, it doesn't end there. In addition to converting potential to kinetic energy, he can also increase an object's kinetic energy. This can give his bo staff the power to level houses, or his cards the force to even pierce through metal.

Boomstick: And if that wasn't enough, Gambit literally has the power to make people believe everything he says! It's some sort of hypnotic charm he has, and he doesn't even have to try to do it. Man, if only I could have that power...

Wiz: However, stronger minds have been shown to be able to resist this. In addition, Gambit can use static interference to resist mind-invasion. He's not immune to it, but it is very painful to anyone who even attempts it. Gambit is also trained in Savate, Bojitsu, Street Fighting, Acrobatics, and Fencing, making him an excellent hand-to-hand combatant.

Boomstick: And all this was AFTER defeating the New Son, joining the X-Men, resisting his Death persona, and being considered to be one of the best thieves in the world!

Wiz: But all that aside, Gambit is not perfect. While he has a huge number of projectiles, they're not unlimited. His hypnosis can be resisted, and his mutant power is completely ineffective on living tissue. Yes, we know that he was able to do this for a while. But he can't anymore. Finally, as a result of his red pupils, his eyes are hypersensitive to light.

Boomstick: This guy takes "Blinded by the Light" to a whole new level. But, Gambit's got too many things going for him to be worried about that.

Wolverine: Are you Remy LeBeau?

Gambit: Do I owe you money?

Wolverine: No.

Gambit: Then Remy LeBeau I am!



It was a regular day for the RED Team. They had managed to defeat the entire BLU Team, and now they were ready to head home. When The Demoman got inside, he noticed that his body of scrumpy was missing. He angrily pounded the wall. "What makes me a good Demoman? Scrumpy makes me a good Demoman! Do you think that I'd be a good Demoman if I didn't have scrumpy?" He stormed off in a rage.

As he walked off, he saw a man in the distance. This man was none other than the X-Man, Gambit. And he was drinking none other than... a bottle of scrumpy.

"My scrumpy!" The Demoman rushed at Gambit. Meanwhile, the mutant thief had thrown the bottle down on the ground.

"Man, this stuff tastes like crap." Gambit muttered underneath his breath. But then he saw The Demoman rush from behind him. Gambit got into battle position, ready to fight.



Gambit swung his telescopic bo staff at the Demoman, sending him flying a few feet away. Demoman quickly got back up, and fired his grenade launcher four times at the mutant thief. Gambit looked at the grenades around and was about to run off, but all four of them exploded and sent Gambit flying into the air.

The Demoman then equipped his stickybomb launcher, then fired a few rounds where he predicted Gambit would land on the ground. Gambit landed back down on the ground, and then began running towards the Demoman. The stickybombs all exploded after Gambit had ran off, all the explosions missing him. Gambit pulled out a few cards and threw them all at Demoman.

"Did you just throw cards at me?!" Demoman asked the mutant. But then all the cards exploded, leaving a huge cloud of dust where Demoman was. After all the dust cleared, Demoman was still standing, but he was down on one of his knees, coughing. Demoman saw Gambit running towards him with his bo staff ready to hit, and then Demoman responded by firing a stickybomb downward and then jumping upward.

"How in the world did he do that?" asked Gambit. He looked up at Demoman, only to be met with a rain of grenades falling down from Demoman's position. Gambit quickly tried to escape, but he tripped over one of the grenades. "Oh, that's not good." Suddenly, all the grenades exploded and sent Gambit flying. Demoman grinned and laughed as Gambit fell back down on the ground several feet away.

Demoman tried his stickybomb technique again, but Gambit was rushing back at Demoman before he could. Gambit swung his bo staff in an upward motion at Demoman, launching him straight into the air. The mutant thief pulled out some more cards, then threw them all at Demoman in mid-air. Demoman fell down to the ground, and the cards all landed on top of him and exploded. Demoman's back was covered in blood and wounds, but he still knew that he had some fight in him.

The Demoman pulled out his favorite close-quarters weapon, an empty scrumpy battle. He swung the bottle into Gambit's face, but Gambit's face armor shattered part of the bottle upon impact. Demoman angrily stabbed Gambit in the lower shoulder with broken bottle. Gambit's shoulder began to bleed, and he then pulled the bottle out of his shoulder and threw it back at The Demoman, hitting him in a similar location. However, this time the piece of glass exploded, leaving a gaping hole in Tavish's shoulder.

Gambit pulled out a throwing spike and threw it at Demoman, but then suddenly the spike bounced off of The Demoman's body somehow - he was glowing a red color. The Demoman grinned as he fired more stickybombs out of the stickybomb launcher. Gambit swung his bo staff at the bombs, but then the bombs all stuck onto Gambit's stuff.

"Uh-oh." Before Gambit could do a thing about the bombs, they all exploded on the staff. This blast sent Gambit flying again, and separated him from the staff. Gambit's jacket was covered in holes, and Gambit was bleeding from his upper torso. The mutant thief gritted his teeth, and then ran towards his bo staff, which The Demoman had picked up.

"Let's see how you like it!" Demoman swung the staff at Gambit, but the thief grabbed the staff from the Demoman before it could hit him. Gambit swung the Demoman off of the staff, then thrust the end of the staff into the Demoman's chest, breaking his sternum and ribs. Demoman got back up, staggering.

"Look, Demoman. It's probably not a good idea for you to continue fighting me, okay?" Gambit said in his hypnotic voice. The Demoman stared at Gambit for a few seconds, and nodded. Then Gambit took this opportunity to grab hold of Demoman's grenade launcher.

"Hey, hands off the weaponry, laddie!" The Demoman quickly grabbed the gun away from Gambit, but before he could fire it again, the whole weapon exploded! It resulted in a huge explosion which sent the Demoman flying. The Demoman's whole front section was bleeding heavily, and then Gambit swiftly threw some throwing spikes and knives into the Demoman's limbs, impaling them onto the wall of the RED base. "Oh, *bleep* that can't be good."


The entire RED base exploded. In the rubble was The Demoman, but he was missing his limbs. He'd been reduced to a head and torso. Gambit made his way towards the Demoman, who was very clearly angry at Gambit. "Hey Gambit! You *bleep*ing suck at being a Demoman! I'll always be a better Demoman than you!"

Gambit, however, didn't feel like talking. He threw a card into the Demoman's eye.

"Agh! My eye!" The Demoman squirmed around as the card exploded, blowing up the Demoman's head and leaving nothing behind but a bloody torso.

"Well, let's see what's in here..." Gambit looked through the rubble of the RED base, only to find pictures of Rogue kissing other members of the RED team. "Oh, she's got some explaining to do."

"She sure does." said a mysterious figure behind Gambit, sporting a red jacket and wielding a gun.



Boomstick: KA-BOOM! That was awesome!

Wiz: This match was surprisingly close. The Demoman is superior in terms of sheer destructive capability, but Gambit seems to have the edge everywhere else. He is faster by a good margin, and his mutant power meant that he had an edge in versatility.

Boomstick: And Gambit is WAY better at close-combat than Demo is! Yeah, Demoman might have become proficient, but Gambit is a master of three martial arts! He also has that awesome telescopic bo staff, which, as stated before, he can manipulate the kinetic energy of to even level houses!

Wiz: One question some might be asking is, "What if we allowed The Demoman to have his other weapons?" Well, let me answer this. If we allowed that, we would have had to allow New Son's Gambit, who can actually make living tissue explode. If anything, that would give Gambit an even BIGGER edge.

Boomstick: This battle ended with a bang.

Wiz: The winner is-

Michael Bay: Hey guys! I loved this battle so much, I wanted to make a movie out of it! Is that alright?

Wiz: Uh... sure...?

Michael Bay: Alright!

Wiz: Anyway, the winner is Gambit.

Win gam


  • Cameo Appearances:
    • Rogue
    • Vincent Valentine
    • Michael Bay