| The Creeper vs. The Jungle Hunter | |
|---|---|
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| Season 2, Episode 5 | |
| Air date | June 18, 2017 |
| Written by | I'm Lynda |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Megamind vs. Syndrome |
Next Doctor Manhattan vs. Q |
By RedDead35000
The Creeper vs. The Jungle Hunter is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features The Creeper from the two Jeepers Creepers movies, and the Jungle Hunter from the 1987 Predator movie. (No link, it's like trying to hit a flipping moving target!)
Note: This Death Battle was written before the release of Jeeper Creepers 3, and as such it may not reflect subsequent changes in the character of the Creeper.
Description
Ernest Hemingway once said that, “There is no hunting like the hunting of man.” Well, these two would agree wholeheartedly. One make trophies out of people, and the other makes spare parts out of them!
Interlude
Boomstick: Mankind has always liked to think of itself as the top of the food chain, the ones who hunt, but are never hunted.
Wiz: Well, that was never entirely true.
Boomstick: Just ask your mega-mega-great-grandfather who got eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. You know, the one who’s last words were “Don’t eat me! Agh! Agh!”
Wiz: Well, it wasn’t true back then, and it’s not true now.
Boomstick: One of the great human hunters is the Creeper, the head (he he) antagonist of the Jeepers Creepers movies.
Wiz: And, the other one is the Jungle Hunter, the main antagonist of the 1987 Predator movie.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz, and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
The Creeper
Boomstick: Every 23rd spring, for 23 days, the Creeper gets to go out into the world and hunt.
Wiz: And what does the Creeper hunt? People.
Boomstick: Soylent Green is made out of people! [He he] Actually, it’s not bad. Tastes a bit like chicken.
Wiz: Well, the Creeper does not hunt for food. Instead, it hunts for spare parts.
Boomstick: Wiz, I think you better start from the beginning.
Wiz: Well, that’s the problem. At least as of now, we don’t know the origin of the Creeper. What we do know is that the Creeper is at least hundreds of years old, and has a humanoid body that he can regenerate new body pieces by taking similar pieces off of humans.
Boomstick: He hunts people down, and through their fear, can smell what they have that he wants. Kind of like me at a smorgasbord.
Wiz: No matter how damaged a part of his body is, he can remove it, and regenerate a replacement by ingesting a replacement part. Regardless of what the part looked like when he took it, when it regenerates onto his body, it looks like the part that he lost.
Boomstick: “Ingest,” that means eat, right?
Wiz: Well, it’s not really that clear. After the Creeper had a javelin thrust right through his head, he tore away half of his own head, and then ingested a boy’s head, tore off the damaged head, and sprouted a new head.
Boomstick: Holy crap! That’s...just plain weird. Badassed...but weird!
Wiz: It appears that the Creeper has a human-derived body, backed up by an apparently indestructible creature that is the permanent part of him. It provides at least the wings and clawed hood structure behind the head.
Boomstick: The Creeper does take damage when attacked, and has needed a number of new parts. But, though the injuries slow the Creeper down, nothing has been able to kill him. He’s been run over repeatedly by a car, shot repeatedly with guns, been thrust through repeatedly with a canon-fired harpoon, been blown up with a pickup truck, and had a javelin thrust right through his head, leaving him looking like a life-sized voodoo doll.
Wiz: And, interestingly, the Creeper does not seem to bleed, at least not much. Wounds that should have resulted in massive blood loss, resulted in only a little seepage. And, in spite of a vengeful father stabbing the Creeper over and over again, the creature only stopped moving when it ran out of time and went back into its hibernation sleep.
Boomstick: The Creeper is also very strong, much stronger than a normal human, being able to schlep around bodies like they are bags of laundry, and he has powerful wings that allow him to fly at speeds in excess of 100 miles per hour.
Wiz: “Schlep?”
Boomstick: Yeah, schlep. What, you don’t know English?
Wiz: What I do know is that the Creeper is a formidable opponent for anyone. He often carries a battleaxe, and creates shuriken out of human body parts. He is not to be taken lightly.
The Jungle Hunter
Boomstick: The Jungle Hunter! A member of an interstellar race of big game hunters. A race that like to go hunting...for humans..
Wiz: Known to themselves as Yautjas, these formidable people are high-tech hunters who live for the hunt. Their culture prizes the stalking and killing of dangerous prey.
Boomstick: And, they travel across the galaxy, hunting and killing all sorts of weird creatures.
Wiz: Yautja’s are tall humanoids, standing about seven feet tall and weighing over five hundred pounds. They are very strong, and utterly ruthless. They don’t necessarily give a prey a “sporting chance” – which is a human concept – but will often fire from ambush, using their superior technology to take a prey down quickly.
Boomstick: And they are UGLY MOTHER-F...
Wiz: Boomstick!
Boomstick: Wiz, have you seen these guys? It’s no wonder they all wear masks. They have a face that not even an alien monster-humper could love!
Wiz: Yautjas prefer to hunt dangerous prey, and they take trophies off of each kill. A Yautja maintains a trophy collection to show his worth.
Boomstick: They take the strong and the dangerous, steering clear of human females that are not armed
Wiz: And they have a formidable array of weapons. First of all, the Yautja wear a mask that give them information on their surroundings, and enhance their vision, especially in the infrared end of the spectrum, which they find useful when hunting.
Boomstick: And each Predator has a laser canon on his shoulder that interacts with a targeting computer built into his mask. Plus, he carries a wrist-mounted pair of blades that it can extend for hand-to-hand combat.
Wiz: And if they are going against particularly dangerous opponents, they have other weapons, such as netguns and all manner of bladed weapons, not to mention many heavy energy weapons.
Boomstick: The Predators love a good fight, especially one that they can win, and take a trophy from. They’ll never give a sucker an even break – they don’t believe in sportsmanship the way that humans do, and they love spreading fear and panic. Nothing flips their switch like reducing a strong opponent to a quivering pile of fear...just before they finish it off.
Wiz: They are formidable opponents who have been hunting humans for millennia, and they have gotten very good at it.
Intermission
Boomstick: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all. It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!
Death Battle!
Pre-Fight
Under a dark sky, the Yautja sat in the limbs of a tall tree, and peered at the skull in his hand. Just what was he doing in this abandoned corner of the universe? The land was flat and used by its human inhabitants to raise plants and herd docile undulants. The humans were, if anything even more docile than their undulants. He snorted in disgust.
The skull in his hand had belonged to a formidable canid – the leader of a pack of similar creatures. But still, they were hardly any challenge at all for him. To try to wring some entertainment from the fight, he had fought the entire pack barehanded. But still, the outcome of the fight was never in doubt.
He suppressed the urge to crush the skull. It was at least some miniscule trophy of this nearly worthless hunt. But it brought no glory.
He sighed.
A movement in the readings of his mask attracted his attention. His audio readout had detected a distant noise. He boosted the gain, and when the noise came again he recognized it as the scream of a human. The scream sounded again and again, and sounded to be from a number of different humans.
The Yautja set the canid skull aside, and leapt to the ground. Using his mask, he scanned the horizon, and decided that the screams were coming from the northwest. He engaged his cloaking device, and began running towards the noise.
The Yautja crested a ridge, and looked down into a shallow depression that contained a road and a large, yellow human ground vehicle.
A number of humans were running this way and that, screaming like frightened prey. But, what were they running from?
He looked from human to human, trying to discover what was going on. Suddenly, one of the humans rocketed into the sky, its shrieks sounding fainter as it rose.
He followed the human, but could detect nothing carrying it. Humans did not fly, and this one seemed to act like a captured prey, rather than merely an escaping one.
The human disappeared over a far ridge.
The Yautja resumed scanning the scene, slowly increasing the electromagnetic frequency of his visor. Infrared did not reveal whatever was preying on these humans. Slightly shorter wavelengths were useless in the low light of the deep night. But in the ultraviolet, he suddenly saw it.
A humanoid creature with wings glided down through the night, and bowled over a group of three humans. It did not appear to be a machine, it looked organic. But it had no real heat signature to speak of. A flying, night-hunting, cold-blooded predator? His data on this planet recorded no such creature.
The hunt had suddenly become much more interesting!
The Yautja ran to catch up to the fleeing humans. If he downed this predator from a distance, it would take him an unacceptable amount of time to reach where it had fallen. He was determined that he would do whatever it took to make sure that this prey did not get away from him.
FIGHT!
He had nearly caught up to a group of humans when instinct caused him to turn around. The creature was flying up from behind him, sailing at approximately two meters above the ground.
He fired while turning. One blaster bolt flew off harmlessly into the night sky, while the other one clipped the creature’s wing, causing its flight to derange. The creature crashed into the fleeing humans, scattering them, and sending them running off into the night screaming like the helpless prey they were.
The Yautja raced up to the spot where the creature should be, but found nothing.
He began scanning the immediate area, when the creature suddenly leaped at him. He fired his blaster, but the shot went high. The Creeper flew into him, knocking him to the ground.
The two combatants rolled on the ground, trading blows. The Creeper was stronger than he looked, and several blows of his fist damaged the Yautja’s mask. There was a popping and sizzling sound as its cloaking field collapsed.
Now seeing his opponent, the Creeper grabbed at its mask, hoping to tear it off, and expose its face. The Yautja extended his wrist blades, and stabbed the Creeper in the side. The Creeper howled in pain, and rolled off of the Yautja.
The Creeper leaped to its feet, as did the Yautja. The Predator was surprised when the creature lunged at him again, showing no sign that its injuries had even slowed it down.
The two opponents grappled again, the Yautja extended its wrist blades again, but the creature was too strong for it to bring its arms into the attack.
Suddenly, the Creeper lifted the Predator up, and then it pivoted and threw him some six meters distant. He landed with a crash.
The Yautja leaped to his feet, and zeroed his blaster in on the charging Creeper.
He fired.
The Creeper caromed into him, and both opponents went down again, grappling desperately with each other. The Yautja summoned all his might, and flipped the Creeper away over his head.
He leaped to his feet, and saw that the Creeper had done the same. A whole chunk of the creature’s torso was missing, but only a little blood oozed from the wound. ‘What kind of creature can take this sort of abuse?’ he wondered.
When the creature charged again, he stabbed at it with his wrist blade, hoping to find the creature's heart.
The Creeper howled in pain, and grabbed the Predator’s wrists in its hands again. The Predator fired his blaster into the Creeper’s upper chest, hoping to sever its head.
The head did not come away from the body, but the Creepers eyes seemed to lose their focus. The Yautja quickly brought in his wrist blades, and began slashing at his opponent’s neck.
After a number of blows, the Yautja howled its triumph, and lifted the Creeper’s severed head into the air.
It had been a glorious fight!
The Yautja looked down at the head in his hand, and turned and began running back towards his base camp. He could not wait to strip the skull of its flesh and study its structure. The teeth bared in its mouth looked like those belonging to few creatures on this planet.
K.O.!
Boomstick: There, I told you, didn’t I? There was no way that the Creeper could overcome an opponent with such firepower. This fight was too easy!
Boomstick: Wait…What the hell?!
After the Predator had moved on, the Creeper’s body twitched. And then it twitched again.
Suddenly, a wing extended up into the air and shuddered there.
Slowly, the Creeper’s headless body rose. It was shaking and shuddering. And then it started to shamble towards the bus.
The Yautja spent the rest of the night cleaning the skull, and then sat in his tree in the morning sunlight studying his trophy.
The basic structure looked remarkably human, but it had ridges and cavities that were rather different. Also, the teeth and mandible were distinctly different.
Suddenly, a sound caused the Yautja to look up. A number of large black avians had perched in branches around him, their squawking getting louder.
The Yautja blasted one with a casual shot, leaving black feathers floating to the ground.
The remaining crows flew up startled into the air, but then quickly re-landed, only a little farther away. They sat and glared at the Predator with beady black eyes.
The Yautja resumed studying its trophy. It could not wait to recount the fight to its peers.
Suddenly, a new sound captured the Yautja’s attention. It was music – human music.
He leaped to the ground, and began moving slowly towards it. Crows wheeled in the sky above him, as he activated his cloaking device.
He reached the end of the copse of trees that had served as his base camp. There he spotted a decrepit-looking human ground vehicle that was parked nearby. The music was coming from that.
“♪ Jeepers creepers, where'd you get them peepers? Oh, those weepers--how they hypnotize. ♪”
The Yautja studied the situation, but could detect no movement. Was the vehicle abandoned? And, if so, for how long?
The music ended and then the same piece seemed to start again.
“♪ Jeepers creepers, where'd you get them peepers? Jeepers creepers, where'd you get those eyes? ♪”
The Yautja moved cautiously up to the vehicle. He could not stop the gravel from crunching under his feet, and he knew that his cloak was not optimal at very close range.
He extended his wrist blades, and peered in through an open side window. There was no one in the control cabin of the vehicle.
He crept slowly to the back of the vehicle, and grabbed the handle of the door.
He threw the door open, and began casting his targeting system about the interior of the vehicle. There were cloth-wrapped bundles in the back of the vehicle, but no apparent operator.
Suddenly, the Creeper appeared over the top of the truck. He swung down with a large battle ax, the blade bighting into the Predator’s left shoulder.
The blade found an energy conduit, and both combatants began shaking as the electricity sparked through them. There was an explosion, and the Creeper was thrown from the top of the truck. The Predator was thrown backwards, and the lights for his battle system flashed red, before winking out all together.
The Yautja staggered to his feet, and retreated a few strides from the vehicle. He tried to restart his battle system. Bright green blood oozed from his shoulder wound, and he rotated his shoulder to try to assess the damage.
Suddenly, the Creeper charged around the truck, swinging his ax. The Predator parried the strike, and punched the Creeper in the face. The Creeper was turned by the blow, so he brought the handle of the ax up and thrust it into the Predator’s midsection.
The Predator bent under the blow, but quickly stabbed out with his wrist blades, catching the Creeper in the side. The Creeper spun back, bringing his elbow around, and smashing it into the Predator’s mask.
The Predator turned, and staggered away. The Creeper followed, and lifted his ax for a mighty downward cut, when the Predator kicked backward, sending him sprawling. His ax skittered away from him.
The Predator turned back and aimed a blow with his wrist blades at the Creeper’s midsection. The Creeper blocked the blow with his left arm, and punched the Predator in the mask with his right fist. The lights in the Predator’s mask flashed and danced with the impact. Alarm indicators flashed suggesting a total systems failure.
The Predator punched out with his wrist blades again, but the Creeper caught his arm and spun, throwing him over his shoulder to the ground.
Still holding onto the Predator’s arm, he kicked the creature repeatedly in the side. The claws on his feet bitting into the alien’s side, drawing bright green blood that oozed and dripped onto the ground.
The Creeper released his arm, and grabbed his mask. He pulled at the mask, lifting the Predator up off the ground. He pulled at the mask, and shook the Predator like a doll.
Suddenly, as the mask began to come away from his face, the Predator stabbed out again with his wrist blades, stabbing the Creeper once, twice and then a third time. The Creeper released the mask and staggered away.
The Predator released the last remaining catch from his dangling mask, letting it fall down and dangle from its cables and hoses. He looked at the Creeper and roared his defiance. This was the most glorious fight he had ever been in.
The Creeper looked into the monstrous, alien face, and bared his fangs, growling in fury at his opponent.
The two charged at each other again, and began grappling, even as crows whirled over their heads. The Creeper grabbed hold of the Predator’s arms, and lifted them up and then down. Then, he pulled down, and then lifted the Predator off of the ground. He threw him head-first into the dull-gray truck.
The Predator collapsed to the ground, and then tried to rise. The Creeper pounced on him, grabbed his head, and began smashing it into the truck again and again.
The Predator grabbed the Creeper’s leg, and pulled, throwing him onto his back. He jumped over, and covered the Creeper’s body with his own. Reaching his hands up, he wrapped them around the Creeper’s neck, and began to squeeze with all his remaining strength.
To his surprise, the Creeper merely grinned at him, and then extended his wings, propelling them off of the ground, and into the truck, the Predator’s back taking the worst of the impact. He crumpled to his knees.
The Creeper grinned his toothed grin down at the Predator, and began to punch him over and over again in the face. Finally he began hearing the sound of breaking bones, and bright green alien blood splattered across the side of the truck.
The Creeper released the Predator’s head, and the alien collapsed onto the ground. The music went on playing.
“♪ Where did ya get those? Golly, where'd you get those? Where did you get them there eyes? ♪”
The Creeper picked up his ax and turned back to the Predator. He had flipped open the control panel on his left wrist, but before he could push any buttons, the Creeper brought his ax down, severing the Predator’s right arm at the elbow. The Predator bellowed in pain, and then roared his defiance at his opponent.
The Creeper sniffed at the alien, and then ran the blade of the ax over his chest. The Predator snarled his defiance.
The Creeper went on torturing his opponent until he began to smell the creature’s fear. Learning what he wanted to learn, he hefted the ax, and brought it down, severing the Predator’s head from his shoulders.
KO!
The Creeper lifted the severed head, and held it up towards the sky. Looking beyond the swirling crows, he tried to peer into the distant sky, and he began to laugh – long and loud!
Results
Boomstick: Wait a minute! How could the guy with all the Space Age equipment lose?
Wiz: Well, the thing you have to remember is that these two opponents had never met before, and as such were unaware of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. The Jungle Hunter was able to overcome the Creeper with his weapons, but did not realize that the Creeper was difficult or possibly even impossible to kill.
The Jungle Hunter could have used his blaster to blast the Creeper to bits, but that is not what Yautjas normally do when they have overcome an opponent. Instead, they like to take a trophy off of their defeated opponent. Sadly, for him, even the loss of a head is not fatal to the Creeper. In fact, he pulled his own head off once!
Boomstick: So, after the Jungle Hunter defeated the Creeper, he was able to creep away and get himself a new one. What a rotten trick!
Wiz: Right! During that first fight, the Jungle Hunter learned virtually nothing about the Creeper, whereas the Creeper learned a great deal about the Jungle Hunter, his weapons and abilities. The Creeper is no mindless killing machine. He has learned enough about technology over the years to make a device that jams radio and cellular radio transmissions. And, he uses tactics to isolate and then overcome his prey. Frankly, what it comes down to is that the Creeper turned out to be a much more dangerous foe than the Jungle Hunter could have expected.
Boomstick: Faced with such an usual opponent, the Jungle Hunter just lost his head.
Well, the next Jungle Hunter along will get him.
Wiz: Don’t count on it. The Creeper seems to learn and advance by ingesting the important pieces of his defeated foes, and now he has a Yautja’s head. It could be that he is going to be out hunting the stars for them!
Boomstick: Anyway, as improbable as it sounds, the winner is the Creeper!
Next Time
The next time on Death Battle! we bring together two combatants with phenomenal cosmic power. Who’s going to come out victorious with we pit Doctor Manhattan against Q?
Trivia
- The Creeper did not appear when the Jungle Hunter was looking for it using the infrared wavelength for the simple reason that the Creeper is not a particularly warm individual. Humans show up brightly because of the warmth of their skin. This warmth is carried to the epidermis by the blood stream. In the movies, when the Creeper suffered damage, very little blood is shown to spray from the wounds, suggesting that it does not have much of a circulatory system, if any. As such, even if the Creeper has a warm internal temperature, there is little reason to believe that it would be carried to the epidermis.