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Colossi Royale

Description[]

A colossal battle! Which part of Dormin's soul will prevail?!

Interlude[]

Boomstick: After years of terror, people decided to end the demon Dormin once and for all.

Wiz: Actually, he just split the soul into 16 colossi, which will today be pitted against each other.

Boomstick: Except for Hydrus, of course! Valus, the wandering incarnation of pain.

Wiz: Quadratus: The slow-moving mammoth of the beach.

Boomstick: Gaius, the sleeping beast that shakes the earth.

Wiz: Phaedra, the...

Boomstick: No! I hated to kill the little horse!

Wiz: *sigh* Avion, the giant bird of the lake.

Boomstick: Barba, the bearded beast of the temple.

Wiz: Kuromori, the climbing lizard.

Boomstick: Basaran, the sandstorm beast.

Wiz: Dirge, the underground snake

Boomstick: Celosia, the guardian of the flames who's afraid of flames.

Wiz: Pelagia, the thunder guardian.

Boomstick: Phalanx, the peaceful dragon of the desert.

Wiz: Cenobia, the ancient Cerberus.

Boomstick: Argus, the guardian of the destroyed city.

Wiz: And Malus, the living statue of destruction.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and i'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Valus[]

ValusTemplate

Boomstick: As Wander began his quest to destroy the colossi, his first opponent was an intimidating giant that wandered a mountain.

Wiz: As its name litteraly means painful, i have to agree, when you're gonna face him, you will get intimidated, as it is 70 feet tall, even though it's the 4th shortest colossus.

Boomstick: And battling it is almost impossible.

Wiz: No, it isn't, i killed it without taking damage.

Boomstick: Oh yeah? Well, i fell down that cliff in seconds.

Wiz: How? It isn't doesn't even send you flying!

Boomstick: Being stomped must be humiliating, so i threw myself.

Wiz: If you want, you can be smashed by the club.

Boomstick: So, can i make it accidentally hit its own foot?

Wiz: Then, it will try to stomp you.

Boomstick: Fuck it.

Wiz: It has also shown pretty good hearing, but it isn't t the smartest colossus out there.

Boomstick: I mean, who the hell turns back when someone climbs its leg?

Wiz: Still, it has pretty destructive force, but will it be able to outmatch the others?

Boomstick: I'm not sure, i've never seen them.

Wiz: *sigh*

Valus strikes Wander with its club.

Quadratus[]

QuadratusTemplate

Wiz: Just imagine going into the beach, and when you're relaxing, you notice a giant wall of rock.

Boomstick: And when you're going to check it, the wall is broken by a GIANT FUCKING BULL THAT TRIES TO STOMP YOU!

Wiz: One of the largest colossi, Quadratus is 98 feet tall and 140 long. And while it would be completely normal for a creature like that destroying the wall, it apparently breaks it down by simply walking into it. No effort, it just moved and the wall was gone. But while it's attacks are extremely powerful, it's extremely slow, and it rarely even hits an opponent.

Boomstick: But since most of it's opponents are only a bit smaller than this one. that weakness might not be so prejudicial. But while it's knees are protected, his feet are still weak to arrows, which might cause him to fall down, open for attacks. HEY WIZ, JUST NOTICED!

Wiz: What?

Boomstick: Just hear its noises! It's not a bull! It's an elephant!

Wiz: Did you just call Godzilla an elephant?

Boomstick: Fuck it.

Shows Quadratus introduction cutscene.

Gaius[]

Gaius 4

Wiz: On a giant platform on the middle of a lake, it sleeps, a giant that shakes the earth. It's name is Gaius, and it is 97 feet tall.

Boomstick: And it carries a giant sword, and is never disarmed, not even when it dies.

Wiz: Actually Boomstick, it is fixed into its arm.

Boomstick: Fuck it.

Wiz: However, if the sword gets stuck into something, like rock or some kind of rock, trying to free his weapon and arm might result on the loss of part of his armor.

Boomstick: But it is still has the farthest physical reach among all the colossi, and being stomped isn't the best thing to be hit either.

Gaius wakes up and prepares for battle.

GaiusTemplate

Phaedra[]

Phaedra

Wiz: After a trail of gravestones, a giant creature sleeps... It's name... Is Phaedra.

Boomstick: POOR HORSE!

Mechanical sound

Wiz: Phaedra stands at 97 feet tall and 100 feet long, being among the tallest of them all.

Boomstick: A minute of silence for the horse...

Wiz: Well... There isn't much else to talk about it.

Boomstick: So let's just stop suffering for the horse.

Phaedra squats down at the ruins, looking for Wander.

Avion[]

AvionHead

Wiz: In a foggy lake, a giant bird peacefully flies around.

Boomstick: No, pterodactyl.

Wiz: Definetely a bird.

Boomstick: Clearly a pterodactyl.

Wiz: Bird.

Boomstick: Pterodactyl.

Wiz: Mechanical arm.

Boomstick: What?

Mechanical Sound

Boomstick: Fuck it.

Wiz: Avion's name comes from spanish and means plane. It's wingspan is 116 feet, and it's lenght is 140 feet.

Boomstick: It's ability to fly and shape grant it the record of fastest colossus, and it only attacks if threatened. Too bad for the other colossi Death Battle is different.

Avion flies around until it lands on pillar.

Barba[]

Shadow-of-The-Colossus-1080p-Barba-12-935x1080

Wiz: Behind a wall in a temple, it lusts for destruction. It's name... Is Barba.

Boomstick: And being stuck behind a wall must leave anyone extremely pissed off. I mean, it will NEVER give up on its enemy. If its enemy tries to escape, he will destroy really small stuff, like pillars, barriers, temples...

Wiz: Its name comes from portuguese, and means beard. It is 24.4 meters tall.

Boomstick: Wiz, destroying stuff doesn't sound so threatening if it can't even catch you.

Wiz: Actually, it's faster than you.

Boomstick: RUN, BITCH, RUN! Fuck it.

Wiz: Barba's the only colossus to use its own fists as a primary weapon, and even though it falls for a ridiculously easy trap, Dormin tells us that "a fool, it is not".

Boomstick: I need to get out!

Wiz: You're stuck during its fight.

Boomstick: NO!

A wall opens up, revealing Barba behind it.

Kuromori[]

Kuromori 3

Wiz: Resting in an abandoned arena, is a 5 meter tall, 17 meter long lizard, named Kuromori.

Boomstick: Completely unable to chase, bite or stomp.

Wiz: Well, it is also able to spit poisonous gas and is the only colossus to be ever seen climbing, which might give it an advantage against its opponents.

Boomstick: Yeah... But its climbing skills aren't so good.

Wiz: If you climb a wall and your hands and feet are hit by arrows, will you stay there?

Boomstick: Fuck it.

Wander dies suffocated by the gas.

Basaran[]

BasaranGeyser

Wiz: Resting in a geyser plain, is the giant tortoise, Basaran.

Boomstick: Annoying as hell, i don't think you should give this 23 meter tall, 49 meter long fucker a rude awakening. Even though this piece of shit is slow as fuck, that's where the worst part comes.

Wiz: Exactly, what compensates for its low speed are its extremely fast electric missiles.

Boomstick: I was going to talk about the tons of glitches, but fuck it. Oh, and i just noticed!

Wiz: What?

Boomstick: The trees in Basaran's plains have the same texture as Barba!

Wiz: Just like your face in some seconds.

Boomstick: Wha...

Mechanical sound.

Basaran emerges from the geyser's dust.

Dirge[]

Dirge 1

Wiz: In an underground cave, it waits for a prey. It's Dirge, a 79 meter long sn...

Boomstick: Fucker.

Mechanical sound.

Wiz: Dirge might not be able to do much, but it's not only one of the fastest colossi, it's also one of the physically strongest, and probably the most agressive of them all.

Boomstick: Dirge also is a contender the record for most annoying.

Wiz: Just like you.

Boomstick: Fuck it.

Dirge emerges from the sand.

Celosia[]

CelosiaWander

Boomstick: When exploring an ancient dungeon, you'd expect everything to be dead. That's when an elefant sized, armored, fucking tiger comes out of the roof.

Wiz: And when you see it, you can already tell it's one of the fastest colossi of them all. It's also one of the few able to jump, and one of the most agressive.

Boomstick: I know, right? I mean, LET ME GET UP! NO! SHIT! YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK IT!

Wiz: However, Celosia's armor is vulnerable to fire, and falls from great heights, which might also mean too much pressure.

Boomstick: Let's just hope so while i try to get up and throw the controller on a wall.

Wander tries to get up, but Celosia charges at him again. Boomstick's raging scream is them heard.

Pelagia[]

Pelagia

Wiz: It's resting underwater, waiting for its victim, on a flooded city. It's name... Is Pelagia.

Boomstick: And what the heck is that? Turtle shell, gorilla stance, tusks as eyes, 27 meters tall, 30 meters long? Also, it's clearly not a good swimmer.

Wiz: It doesn't actually swim, it just walks on the lake's floor. That's why it got it's way into this battle and hydrus didn't.

Boomstick: Fuck it.

Wiz: It's tusks don't just serve as eyes, they can also produce thunder, and if it's charging at you, you better hide. If it finishes charging, there's no escape. But it still has some weaknesses...

Boomstick: Starting with its sa... I MEAN STOMACH!

Mechanical sound.

Wiz: Also, hitting one of those teeth-like things on the top of Pelagia's head will allow you to control the direction it is heading. It is still a tough...

Boomstick: And boring.

Mechanical sound.

Wiz: Opponent to defeat.

Pelagia destroys one of the flooded ruins.

Phalanx[]

Phalanx

Wiz: It is buried in a desert, trying to hide itself from a colossi-killing wanderer. The 170 meter long giant is known as Phalanx.

Boomstick: The poor thing didn't even harm you! Why would you kill such a majestic... Huh... Majestic... Creature?

Wiz: Well, since this is Death Battle, you won't be expecting Phalanx to be docile. And even if it accidentally hits you, it's gonna hurt. Unless you die right at the moment.

Boomstick: Phalanx can also be extremely unpredictable by burying itself and doing surprise attacks. And it can fly to prevent its enemies to hit it.

Wiz: But there's one way to make Phalanx go down while flying, and that's by hitting those sacks of... No one knows.

Boomstick: Just... Please don't kill it.

Phalanx crushes Wander when burying itself.

Boomstick: Ha! Suck it haters!

Cenobia[]

CenobiaWander

Wiz: An elephant-sized cerberus...

Boomstick: Lion.

Wiz: A guardian to a destroyed city... It's known as Cenobia.

Boomstick: Oh, it's so cu... LET ME GET UP! Fuck it.

Wiz: Cenobia might be among the smallest colossi, but it can still take down a giant pillar with only a few rams.

Boomstick: And its armor sure prevents some damage, but can be broken by extreme weight, so i don't think it will be taking this.

Wiz: However, it is still one of the fastest, most agressive colossus, and among the only able to jump.

Cenobia takes a pillar down, crushing Wander

Argus[]

Argus-0

Wiz: A 23 meter-tall giant has fallen into the valley.

Boomstick: And when it finally climbed all the way up, Argus was ready to destroy anything on its path. And wait 2 hours for me to find its weakness.

Wiz: As we just mentioned, Argus is among the few colossi that are actually able to climb. And while its not the largest bipedal colossus, it's the heaviest and strongest. In fact, a single stomp can crush a whole stone floor.

Boomstick: And by using its weapon, not sure if a club or a sword, it can crush whole walls or bridges with a single swing.

Wiz: And despite its weight, it is stil faster than regular human running speed. However, it is the only colossus to ever drop a weapon in mid-battle, and if it's disarmed, there's no hope for this guardian.

Boomstick: But it's still a tough powerhouse with an annoying, hard to find weakness.

Argus smashes the bridge in its arena.

Malus[]

Malus

Thanks for Ahomeschoolinggroudon for finding this one!

Wiz: Waiting for a challenger, ready to blast him or her into pieces, the final colossus, Malus.

Boomstick: Its lower half part of the body is a statue, i mean... Even if it dies, its living part only lumps backwards, so how is it supposed to kill us?

Wiz: Well...

Malus hits Wander with a shot, blasting him away.

Boomstick: Oh shit.

Wiz: It is sure enough to kill someone in a few hits. However, it can be easily be blocked by simple walls of stone.

Boomstick: Malus is 60 meters tall, so hitting its head is sure difficult. But it reacts to pain just like a human: By putting its hand in the wound, which might leave it open for attacks.

Wiz: One more problem is that if the opponent gets near it, there's no chance for the poor guy. The only thing it'll be able to do is struggle. But that doesn't mean it doesn't stand a chance, and its shots might grant him his second victory.

Malus points at Wander, warning him about the trouble the hero just entered.

Pre-Fight[]

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all!

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Fight[]

(Cues Creeping Shadow )

In a breezy field, part of the Forbidden Lands, a giant, shadowy creature, known as Dormin, calmly walks around.

Suddenly, a group of five men, leaded by Lord Emon, attacks the entity, which manages to take out one of them. However, by the time the man finally falls, Emon and the remaining soldiers are already on the entity's head, stabbing it. In a few seconds, the creature is already on the ground, breathless. It's body soon starts to turn into black tendrils, and each tendril floats to a different direction. The men celebrate the victory for a short time, and start preparing for the journey back.

However, the tendrils suddenly start each forming a certain shape, and as they finish, there are 16 colossi. (Even though they are soon only 15, as one of them, Hydrus, drowns on land.)

(Cues A Violent Encounter)

The 4 remaining man soon realize it is over. With a single stomp by Argus, every single bone of every single one of them is crushed, and there's a large pool of blood around their bodies.

However, the colossi aren't peaceful with each other either. After a few moments of simply staring at each other, Gaius, Valus and Argus all raise their weapons, Avion prepares flight, Cenobia and Celosia prepare to ram, and the others simply get into fighting stances.

FIGHT!

Colossi left- 15

As the other colossi start to move, Avion immediately takes flight before its hit. Celosia and Cenobia ram at each other, and the impact damages both armors a little. Gaius tries hitting Dirge with the sword, but the sand-snake burrows itself before the Knight Colossus could even swing. Barba and Argus slowly walk to each other, but before the bearded colossus even gets the enemy at its range, the other tries to hit him with its weapon. But before Argus swings, the oponnent punches its stomach, making it lose its balance, but it doesn’t fall down.

Meanwhile, Cenobia and Celosia are still repeatedly ramming at each other, as Malus suddenly shoots them. The blast caused by the shot breaks both of their armors, and leaving them unconscious. As Malus stares at the two smallest colossi, not sure if they are still alive, it hears stomps getting louder and louder. The final colossus turns back and sees the attacker is Phaedra, and immediatelly shoots...

Boomstick: THE POOR HORSE!

Shut up. It immediatelly shoots the agressor in its legs, breaking them. But as Malus turns back to protect itself from Phaedra, Basaran takes the chance, and fires three electric missiles at the stationary giant’s shoulder. In extreme pain, Malus covers the wound with its hand, but it then notices something incredibly fast flying around it, Avion.

As Cenobia finally gets up, it notices its opponent, Celosia, is still unconscious. It then prepares to finish its opponent off, until it notices something ready to kill both with a single attack, right above them: Quadratus. Cenobia barely manages to dodge the stomp, but the other small colossus didn’t have the same luck.

Colossi left- 14

Quadratus then attempts to chase Celosia, who is much faster, so it obviously runs away.

Meanwhile, Gaius is still looking for Dirge, who can do a surprise attack at any moment. That’s when a similar looking colossus, but longer, and able to fly, known as Phalanx, suddenly strikes the giant’s head, and it falls down, but isn’t killed or even knocked out by the fall. But as the knight colossus starts to get up, its enemy had already burrowed itself, just like Gaius’s previous opponent. As the colossus gets up, it starts searching for its 2 previous enemies, and it is suddenly hit by electricity, it turns back to see who’s the aggressor, that we know as Pelagia.

As Malus’s shoulder finally recovers, the final colossus is aware that if it blasts Avion, the blast will hit its head too, so it tries shooting Basaran, but the turtle colossus blocks the attack with an electric missile.

Despite noticing the enemy’s great speed advantage, Quadratus still chases Cenobia across the lands, until the Cerberus colossus is trapped against a mountain. With its enemy finally defenseless, the bull colossus slowly crushes the smaller colossus with its front left hoof.

Colossi left- 13

Quadratus then starts to slowly go back to where the battle started.

As Basaran protects itself from Malus shots with its electric missiles, it finally manages to hit the tower colossus’s shoulder, causing the same reaction as in the fight’s start. As the turtle colossus can’t reach the opponent’s letal points, it decides to finish off the other struggling enemy a few meters away, Phaedra. It shoots the horse colossus remaining legs, then slowly walks into the the fallen enemy, and stomps its head, crushing it.

Colossi left- 12

Boomstick: NOOOOOOOOOO!

(Cues In Awe of Power)

Shut up. Despite all the blows, Argus still resists against Barba’s fists, but hasn’t time to recover and attack. As the bearded colossus takes the enemy down, and prepares to finish it off, it is interrupted by Phalanx flying over the two, distracting Barba. Argus takes the opportunity, gets up, hits the enemy with its sword, causing it to fall down, and starts beating up with its sword until its definetely dead.

Colossi left- 11

As Quadratus walks back to the field where the battle started, it spots a smaller colossus, who hadn’t even battled the others yet: Valus. The minotaur colossus soon notices the enemy’s presence again, and strikes it with the club, which almost makes the bull colossus fall down. Quadratus then headbutts the enemy’s stomach, making it lose its balance.

Gaius raises its sword, ready to strike and insta-kill Pelagia, but the opponent quickly reacts by sending thunder at its legs. The Knight colossus obviously loses balance. Its enemy takes the opportunity to stand at only his back feet, and electrocutes Gaius’s head, instantly killing it.

Colossi left- 10

Malus shoulder finally recovers, and it tries shooting Pelagia, who’s a few yards away. But just like Basaran previously did, the colossus blocks the shots with electricity.

After some time fighting, Quadratus stands on its back feet, preparing to drop itself at Valus, crushing it. However, before it could even balance itself at two feet, the minotaur colossus strikes it with the club. The giant bull falls down, and its opponent finishes it off by stomping its head.

Colossi left- 9

As Dirge finally reveals itself, Malus tries to shoot it, but the sand snake dodges. It then spots a much smaller, lizard-looking colossus, Kuromori, and prepares to consume it.

Valus continues to walk towards the starting field, until Phalanx suddenly comes flying  in full speed, and hits it with one of the wings. While Valus falls down, unconscious, it’s still alive. That is, until Argus comes and finishes it off with the sword.

Colossi left- 8

Dirge tries doing a surprise attack, but Kuromori shoots its gas. Feeling suffocated, the sand-snake instantly burrows itself again, leaving the lizard colossus safe.

After some time flying around Malus head, trying to make it dizzy, without success, Avion finally decides to finish it off, and quickly craves its beak at the enemy’s brain. The last colossus desperately struggles, in extreme pain. However, it’s in vain, and in a few moments, it is over for the last colossus. The statue part stands still, but the body part slumps back, lifeless.

Colossi left- 7

Right after Avion gets its beak of its deceased opponent’s head, Phalanx suddenly passes flying trough Malus’s body, and one of the sand dragon’s wings cuts the last colossus’s body part off.

(Cues Liberated Guardian)

The Bird colossus instantly starts chasing the flying enemy down across the land.

After killing Valus, Argus finally reaches the starting field, where many corpses already turning into stone are. It notices some living colossi, though. It prepares to strike Basaran with the sword, but the turtle colossus soon counters with electric missiles on the opponent, causing it to lose balance.

A few yards away, Kuromori slowly walks to the dueling turtle and guardian colossi, hoping to suffocate them with the gas. However, Dirge suddenly comes right from bellow the lizard colossus, devouring it before it can react.

Colossi left- 6

No matter how Argus tries to hit Basaran, it is always countered with electricity, loses its balance, but doesn’t fall down.

Meanwhile, as Avion chases Phalanx through the lands, Pelagia notices, and shoots the sand dragon’s air bags, causing the flight to go down. As it’s being chased by two colossi, Phalanx decides to burrow itself again. And while burying, it accidentally hits Argus with its wings, causing it to finally fall down. Basaran then quickly  takes the chance, and finishes it off by stomping the guardian colossus’s head.

Colossi left- 5

(Cues Silence)

Avion then starts flying around, looking for Phalanx. But after some time flying, it needsto land to rest a bit.

(Cues A Messeger from Behind)

That’s when Dirge suddenly comes out of the ground to consume the bird colossus. Avion manages to escape the attack, and is chased accross the lands. The snake colossus never gives up, and continues trying to jump and consume the opponent.

It stays like this for a few minutes, until while Dirge is jumping with its mouth open, trying to devour Avion again, na electric missile hits the sand-snake’s mouth, killing it in a few seconds.

Colossi left- 4

Avion and Basaran prepare to face each other, until Phalanx finally comes back from the ground, with the air bags recovered.

Basaran and Pelagia both shoot the bags, while Avion simply goes craving its beak in each weakpoint. Phalanx’s flight goes lower every time a bag is shot. This, and the fact that it’s head has a beak craved into it, ultimately ends up with the sand-snake going to the ground, but this time it doesn't bury itself, neither does it move.

Colossi left- 3

Right before Basaran and Pelagia start shooting each other, Avion takes flight. The two electric colossi’s shots simply collide with each other, causing small blasts.

This keeps occurring for a few minutes, when Avion thinks its enough time for a surprise attack. It stops for a few seconds, then drops itself at full speed to the other two remaing colossi. However, they both notice the giant Bird coming, and electrocute it when its more than 40 meters above the ground, and the fall obviously kills it.

Colossi left- 2

(Cues Final Battle)

It’s finally time to end this, Pelagia and Basaran do the same thing they did right before Avion’s death. But while they shoot each other, they slowly walk forward, hoping to be able to physically kill each other. After some minutes, however, Pelagia’s thunder finally hits its opponent, paralysing it. Pelagia then slowly walks into the turtle colossus, and smashes its head with the front paws.

K.O!

Pelagia walks to the lake where it sleeps while the other colossi are turned into stone.

Conclusion[]

Boomstick: Thanks, Pelagia, you avenged the poor horse!

Mechanical sound

Boomstick: I hope this was the last in the season.

Wiz: You might think Malus would win, but let us get this straight.

Boomstick: Yeah... Malus missiles are sure fast and destructive, but some colossi can dodge, and others can block using their own projectiles.

Wiz: Now let us analyze the others in order by death.

Boomstick: Other than themselves, Celosia and Cenobia where unable to damage, or even reach most of the colossi.

Wiz: And while Phaedra is powerful, it had nothing against most others. Stop crying, Boomstick. Oh, and the same thing goes with Barba, Valus, Gaius and Quadratus. Sure, Argus could beat every single one i just mentioned, but not the ones with projectiles: Basaran, Pelagia and Kuromori, neither the ones who can do more than walk or run: Dirge, Avion and Phalanx.

Boomstick: And while Avion's speed could sure help it against most colossi, it couldn't stand up to the incredibly fast projectiles of Basaran and Pelagia.

Wiz: And while these two's projectiles sure protected them against the others, i could only protect one of them now. And not only does Pelagia's thunder come in more shots at the same time, it's also faster to reach, and faster to charge. Not to mention Pelagia's size advantage, which makes Basaran completely outclassed.

Boomstick: The other colossi fell down like... Stone.

A shocking victory (;

Wiz: The winner is Pelagia.

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