Made by Flynn Hathaway
Intro[]
Valve vs EA! sequels are normally feared in most communities, but these ones are loved! (BFN is just as good as GW2 fight me) Which side will win? Well I'm gonna find out!
Rules[]
- Team Fortress be fully composited
- Due to how the rules of this wiki work, not every Zombie will be used, rather, I will pick the Zombies that are closest to the mercs.
- Uni-to-multi PvZ will not be used.
- Zomboss and Administrator will kind of be used, but only as leaders for the teams, they will not directly influence the battle.
Interlude[]
Triangle: Sequels...
Monke: Oh God no! Not sequels!-
Triangle: Shut the f*ck up! These are far better then your average sequels. Team Fortress, the ragtag group of mercs from Team Fortress 2.
Monke: Oh hell yeah! And The Zombies, the undead army from the Plants Vs Zombies shooter games! Heee''sss Triangle and I'm Monke!
Triangle: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill to find out who would win... A Death Battle!
Team Fortress hits DEATH BATTLE! with a random crit![]
(Cue: Rocket Jump Waltz)
Triangle: In the year of 1850, a rich old man by the name of Zepheniah Mann was convinced by idiot sons Blutarch and Redmond Mann to buy a bunch of USELESS land in New Mexico, Zeph never forgave them for it.
Monke: In fact, he was so pissed that, on his deathbed, he left his sons NOTHING but the land, leaving them to fight over it for the rest of their miserable lives. Pretty harsh in my opinion, like, all it is is most of a state?
Triangle: *Sigh and facepalm* Eventually, one brother hired mercs to take the other's land, sadly, the other brother had the same idea... One brother then had the idea to build a life-extension machine, again, the other having the same idea.
Monke: Flash forward to 1972! We now have the team of mercs we will be looking at today, along with the owner of Mann Co. himself, SAAAXXXTTOOON HAALLLLEEEEE!
(Cue: Playing With Danger)
Triangle: Before anything else, we'll look at the stuff all the mercs share, starting with the magic spells! There's the shadow leap, which allows the mercs to teleport by throwing ball at where they want to go-
Monke: Now where have I heard that before...
Triangle: DO NOT INTERRUPT ME! Phew, there's Fireball, pretty simple, throw two fireballs. Overheal, makes a merc untouchable for a second and rapidly heals surrounding team members. Swarm of Bats, it drags mercs into the sky as they get chomped by the bats. The Pumpkin MERV tosses a giant pumpkin forward, which splits into smaller pumpkins-
Monke: BEFORE BLOWING THE FUCK UP BY BEING SHOT, WOOOO!
Triangle: *Sigh* Yes, that is what happens. Stealth makes the user invisible for 8 seconds, Summon Monoculus summons a giant flying eyeball that attacks foes, skeleton horde summons skeletons, Ball O' Lightning summons a lightning ball that sucks in foes and deals damage, Meteor Shower calls in a meteor shower in a condensed area, and, finally, Minify makes a merc tiny and much stronger!
Monke: Onto the Mannpower mode. In this, EVERY merc gets their very own shiny grappling hook! Onto the power-ups, Strength gives the mercs a power boost, haste makes 'em fire and reload faster, Resistance makes them tougher to take down, Reflect, well, reflects 80 percent of damage onto the attacker, Vampire heals the mercs for all the damage they do, Supernova creates a massive blast that forces opponents to drop their weapons, regeneration FULLY fills their ammo every five seconds, agility makes them run faster and jump higher, and King gives them a buncha buffs and gives said buffs to surrounding teammates! There's more but those are too Game Mechanic-y.
Triangle: Next up we have these neat lil' things called Canteens! The mercs can use these to give many helpful effects, such as becoming invincible for 5 seconds, doing triple damage for 5 seconds, refilling all of their ammo, teleporting them to home base, and insta-upgrading a Sentry built by an Engineer! (More on those later.)
,(Cue: The Art Of War)
Triangle: Moving onto the feats, All of the mercs can dodge shots from the Pomson 6000, which is directly stated to fire out blasts of radiation! This holds true with other laser weapons, such as the Righteous Bison and the Cow Mangler.
Monke: As for how hard they can hit and how much they can take, well mercs as frail as Scout can survive at least one meteorite from that spell we mentioned, Uhhhhmmm... Triangle you do this for me!
Triangle: Based on the size and fact that these seem to move similar to the Pomson and Bison's shots, that would be worth 45 gigatons of TNT! (See this calc for more info) And this was one of the weakest mercs!
Monke: Welp, we've discussed everything we can about the mercs except for... The mercs themselves. Welp, let's get started!
Meet The Scout[]
(Cue: Faster Then a Speeding Bullet)
Triangle: Born into being the youngest of 8 boys from the south side of Boston as "Gods gift to women" (No, we are not joking) Scout quickly realized that the best way to solve problems would be through fisticuffs. However, his brothers would quickly end fights before he had the chance to sock some people in the nose. So he thought that, instead of punching the hardest during the fights, he'd be there and end it before his bros were halfway there! So Scout began to run, and run, and run, eventually being able to outspeed his brothers!
Monke: Also somehow getting the ability to f@cking double jump!?
Triangle: Don't ask, it's TF2.
BACKGROUND
- Name: Jeremy
- Height: 5'10"
- Weight: Unknown
- "Think fast, Chucklenuts!"
Monke: After being hired by The Administrator as one of the best of the best, Scout naturally got some weapons from Mann Co., Such as his modified shotgun known as the Scattergun! This baby fires FAR more pellets then your run-o'-the-mill shottie, and Scout has TONS of different versions of this weapon!
Triangle: There's the Force-A-Nature, which can send people flying backward. The Shortstop, which fires more compact blasts. The Soda Popper, which has a meter which, when charged, gives Scout more jumps. The Baby Face's Blaster, which slows Scout down at first, before speeding him up after dealing enough damage. And, last but not least, The Back Scatter, which does TONS of damage from behind!
PRIMARY WEAPONS
- Scattergun
- Force-A-Nature
- Shortstop
- Soda Popper
- Baby Face's Blaster
- Back Scatter
Monke: Now onto the tiny mann's secondary weapons! He has a basic as-all-hell pistol, There's the Winger, which trades clip size for jump height. There' the Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol, which trades clip size for healing bullets. There's the famous (And full of radiation) Bonk! Atomic Punch, drinkin' this mean soda makes Scout so fast, nothing can hit him, though, the more stuff he dodges, the worse the slowdown afterward is. Next up we have the Bonk! Spin-off, The Crit-a-Cola! This makes Scout deal double damage... While forcing himself to take double damage, oof. There's the Mad Milk, which Jeremy can coat people with to make every hit landed on them by ANYONE steal health!
(We Cut to the hosts)
Monke: I always wondered what this stuff tastes like, well, bottoms up!
Triangle: WAIT NO MONKE THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY MI-
Monke: Ahhh...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Triangle: *Sigh* Anyway, last but not least we have the Flying Guillotine, which is literally a clever that Scout tosses around.
SECONDARY WEAPONS
- Pistol
- Winger
- Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol
- Bonk! Atomic Punch
- Crit-a-cola
- Mad Milk
- Flying Guillotine
Triangle: Onto his melee weapons, he has his basic metal baseball bat, which he can give you a right whack with, there's the Sandman, which lets Scout fire a baseball that can slow down people hit by the projectile, the Candy Cane, which drops health packs upon killing a foe. There's the Boston Basher, which can make foes bleed with its nasty spikes... But, if he misses, Scout will take some damage and begin to bleed. The Sun-On-A-Stick is a nasty weapon that does TRIPLE DAMAGE against burning foes! There's the Fan O' War, which can do this neat thing called "Marking for Death", which forces the target to take double damage for 15 seconds! The Atomizer is a fairly simple weapon, it lets Scout triple jump and deals double damage in the air, at the cost of a damage penalty when on the ground. And last but not least there's the Wrap Assassin! This thing can fire exploding baubles! Festive AND practical!
MELEE WEAPONS
- Bat
- Sandman
- Candy Cane
- Boston Basher
- Sun-On-A-Stick
- Fan O' War
- Atomizer
- Wrap Assassin
Monke: But this chucklehead ain't perfect. He's VERY cocky and easily one of the most squishy out of the mercs, along with all of the listed downsides of his various weapons. Still, this Boston Boy's a threat, and he'll either annoy or beat you to death!
"I'm A Force-A-Nature (BONK!). If you were from where I was from, you'd be f-ckin dead! WOOO!"