Death Battle Fanon Wiki
Team Fortress 2 Battle Royale

TF2 Battle Royale
Team fortress 2 battle royale
Season 1, Episode 6
Vital statistics
Air date September 22, 2015
Written by Arigarmy
Directed by Arigarmy
Episode guide
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Team Fortress 2 Battle Royale is a What-If? episode of Death Battle.


All of the classes in the first-person shooter phenomenon face off to see who is the dominant class! Which of these nine competitors will be the dominant class?


Wiz : Every soldier has their own preference or assignment in roles of battle, and each may have their own strategy ready to be used in the line of combat.

Boomstick : I myself have my own strategy: SHOOT EVERYTHING!

Wiz : Terrible strategy.

Boomstick : Hey!

Wiz : The Scout,

Boomstick :The Soldier,

Wiz : The Pyro,

Boomstick : The Demoman,

Wiz : The Heavy,

Boomstick : The Engineer,

Wiz : The Medic,

Boomstick : The Sniper,

Wiz : And finally, the Spy. All of these combatants have worked together as one team, but now they will be separated onto their own to find out which of these combatants is the dominant leader and would win a Death Battle!

The Scout[]

(Cue Faster than a Speeding Bullet)

Wiz : Hailing from Boston, Massachusetts, the Scout is known as the quickest of the bunch, being able to capture points for the team faster than anyone else. That was his main purpose for the team, getting it done quickly and efficiently.

Boomstick : Being raised on the streets of Boston, he's going to have a moment or two being a huge dick while he's at it. Like, AT LEAST. He's the youngest of the entire team and wasn't able to keep up with their power at first. But after some thinking, he decided to use his best feature for his advantage: running.

Wiz : Speaking of speed, that's also his strategy... running. By using his speed, he can outrun and frustrate his opponents that are unable to keep up. His hit-and-run tactics have helped him in battle and progressed him and the others' goals. Not to mention he can easily get away with it before the enemies can even see him. He's so fast, he can outrun basic level fire from sentries and even trains!

Boomstick : So much speed! So much fast!

Special Ability[]

  • Double Jump - Scout is able to jump twice in midair; may be boosted with weapons or drinks



  • Scattergun - Scout's stock weapon of choice; more powerful in close-ranged shots. 6 Load | 32 Stock
  • Force-A-Nature - A more powerful rendition of the Scattergun, it only has 2 shots loaded per round and has a more powerful blast at the cost of recoil. If used in the air, the recoil will send Scout back a bit, making a pseudo third jump. 2 Load | 32 Stock
  • Soda Popper - A broken Force-A-Nature that was fixed back into it's own gun, it has it's own special ability of allowing Scout to jump up to 5 times for a limited time after traveling for a specific amount of time. 2 Load | 32 Stock


  • Pistol - A standard, ordinary pistol that can fire at fast speeds with 6 bullets per second. 12 Load | 32 Stock
  • Flying Guillotine - A simple butcher's knife that can be thrown from afar. It will make the opponent bleed and cause lethal damage if it is preceded by a successful Sandman Ball attack. 1 Load | Infinite Stock
  • Mad Milk - A simple glass of milk in a glass jar. If he throws it, the opponent will get a debuff that makes them receive a partial amount of the damage they've given to someone else. It can also temporarily disable a Spy's cloak and rid fire off of anyone. 1 Load | Infinite Stock
  • Crit-a-Cola - When drunk, the user will receive more power in their attacks, but in return will take a small amount of the same damage they've dealt. The user will also move a fourth faster then they were before. 1 Load | Infinite Stock
  • Atomic Punch - When drunk, the user will become invincible for a short amount of time, but in return cannot attack back. 1 Load | Infinite Stock


  • Bat (and a lot of others) - A simple, quick, and effective melee tool. It can swing twice in a single second and deals a moderate amount of damage.
  • Sandman - A bat, but with an attachable baseball. After the Scout bats the baseball, anyone that is hit by the ball will be stunned, which can be followed up by nearly anything he wants. The Flying Guillotine works well in this situation, because the stun makes it even more lethal. Of course, Scout can use the bat.
  • Atomizer - Although a weaker and slower form of a regular bat, it allows Scout to perform a Triple Jump at the cost of him losing some health by performing the third jump.

Wiz : The Scout has a special ability, of which he is able to jump twice in midair. He usually has his set of Primary, Secondary, and Melee weapons he can use in the battlefield. From the looks of it, he mostly has medium and light weapons with Shotguns and Pistols.

Boomstick : Don't let that idea fool you though, this man is a powerhouse. His standard Scattergun sure is a beaut, dealing more damage at close range. His Force-A-Nature gives off a bigger blast radius, which can send the Scout flying back into the air. I like this guy, he knows a good shotgun when he sees one!

Wiz : Scout has another shotgun known as the Soda Popper, which if he travels along with it for long enough, he will be able to power himself up with enough energy to jump five times into the air.

Boomstick : With his secondaries, he carries a regular pistol that can shoot six bullets in a single second! He also has a bunch of cleavers he can use to throw at his opponents, either making them bleed or chopping their faces into two! Finally, he has two drinks that he can use to step up his game.

Wiz : Crit-a-Cola increases the amount of damage the Scout will deal in exchange for a slight bit of damage back at him. Then the Atomic Punch makes him completely invincible at the price of him being unable to attack during the short lifespan of the powers.

Boomstick : His last set of weapons are made purely for whacking. Bats, fish, street signs, hammers, he can whack you with anything before you least expect it, but mostly it's just the bat. He also has the Sandman, which comes with a neat little baseball that he can whack, and if that ball hits you, you're going to be seeing stars...then a butcher's knife cleaved into your skull. Last but not least is his Atomizer, which allows him to jump three times at the cost of a little health reduction.

Wiz : All of these weapons help fit in with Scout's always moving playstyle. His primaries are well in various situations whether close or far away, his pistols are generally used from a distance, and his melee weapons can be used in different scenarios, quick hit-and-run schemes, quick kills, or as a last resort.

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Boomstick : Remember when I said the Scout was a huge dick? Yeah...

Wiz : Scout's arrogance and cockiness is one of his greatest faults. He usually angers his enemies by taunting and talking about them constantly, which can lead him into trouble. He always brags about how strong or stronger he is than the others, but that's 99.99% never true.

Boomstick : Not to mention if he wants to keep up his power, he has to be constantly moving. He's a frail guy, and a well placed shot can certainly cripple him or take him down. Not to mention that he's not the strongest out of all the members gun-wise despite his vast arsenal anyways.

Wiz : But the Scout is confident, maybe a bit overconfident, but he's no pushover in the long run. If he keeps moving fast for long enough, he may outrun the competition.

"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother, I hurt people."

The Soldier[]

(Cue the Art of War)

Boomstick : Ah, America. Land of the free and home of the fast foods-Er, I mean brave, brave, yes I meant brave!

Wiz : Some say Americans when it comes to war go berserk and mad, but it can't be that out of hand, can it?

Soldier screams maniacally

Boomstick : Is that the love child of Uncle Sam and Satan I hear?

Wiz : Mister Jane Doe, and yes, that is his presumed name, wished to fight in World War II with the hopes of honoring the American way.

Boomstick : Problem was, he was batshit crazy! Every single branch of the military denied him, so in shame he then flew to Poland, where he then trained himself in the art of war by himself. What did he do next? Oh, just go on a fucking Nazi murder spree! This guy's hardcore American!

Wiz : He kept going until he finally heard that the whole war was over four years after it ended in the first place. Don't worry, he got medals...made and decorated by himself.

Boomstick : Soldier's way of fighting is usually based around either two things. One is to either blow them up into mush, or two is to smash them until they're flat enough to make for a good sized American burger with a side of fries!

Wiz : Actually Boomstick, hamburgers are Germanic and fries are Belgian.

Boomstick : Well screw you Wiz, I'm going to the Statue of Liberty to embrace my patriotism!

Wiz : That was a gift from France.

Boomstick : Wiz, just stop. You're ruining my country.

Special Ability[]

  • Rocket Jump - By shooting downwards, Soldier can transport himself with large leaps to either ambush an enemy or to move from one place to another quickly and with long-distance coverage. He will get recoil by falling down with a few exceptions with some items



  • Rocket Launcher - A simple, plain rocket launcher. Rockets can travel up to 47 mph, and although it won't do as much, splash damage from the explosion will still hurt others. 4 Load | 20 Stock
  • Rocket Jumper - This does no damage to enemies, but it doesn't harm the Soldier when he begins his rocket jumps. This is used mainly for Rocket Jumping to help maneuver and perform ambushes from above. 4 Load | 60 Stock
  • Beggar's Bazooka - A launcher that is able to shoot a barrage of 2 - 3 rockets at a time. 0 Load | 20 Stock


  • Shotgun - A simple 12-Gauge Shotgun that's somewhat powerful and quick. 6 Load | 32 Stock
  • Buff Banner - With a sound of a horn, Soldier increases his damage output, making him deadlier.
  • Battalion's Backup - Similar to the Buff Banner, but in this case this raises Soldier's defenses.
  • Concheror - Similar to the Buff Banner, but in this case this raises Soldier's speed.
  • B.A.S.E Jumper - Once high into the air, most likely from rocket jumping, he can set off a parachute that allows him to gently float down from above or to attack when descending.


  • Shovel (and others) - A simple, powerful, and efficient melee weapon.
  • Equalizer - The lower the Soldier's health is, the more powerful this weapon becomes.
  • Market Gardener - A shovel that becomes most powerful while Soldier is rocket jumping, making it a powerful weapon that could kill in only one hit.
  • Escape Plan - Similar to the Equalizer, but in this case the Soldier's speed increases as his health drops.

Wiz : The Soldier is packed with offensive material, most noticeably rocket launchers. These rockets can go up to speeds of 47 mph, and both the direct hits and the splash radius from the explosion deal a great amount of damage to the opponent.

Boomstick : He has tons of these things! His standard rocket launcher can already pack a punch and send someone flying, and the Beggar's Bazooka can shoot up to three rockets at once. Then there's the Rocket Jumper, which doesn't hurt anything at all. Bright side is, he gets to do his special technique more easily!

Wiz : Soldier's technique is Rocket Jumping, where by shooting downwards he launches himself upwards to a great height both vertically and horizontally before coming back down. Landing from a large fall harms the Soldier, but he can use other weapons or accessories to muffle that damage by a bit.

Boomstick : He also has various shotguns and gear that can increase this madman's offense, defense, and speed. At the bottom he has a parachute that he can pop out midair in case he misfires a rocket jump or not to fall too hard, by then he can shoot rockets from above or just start whacking people with his shovels!

Wiz : Then there are his melee weapons. He has pickaxes that can increase the Soldier's power and speed depending how low his health is, but the loot is found within the Market Gardener. This shovel is the butter to Rocket Jumping's bread, making even a single hit after launching into the air fatal to even the toughest of foes. The only hard part is aiming it correctly from such a long fall.

Boomstick : Soldier likes to play tough. Rocket Jumping is his source of real mobility and his rockets pack a punch, especially the ones that can do shit like shoot three of them at once! Where does the team even find this stuff? Do they make them? I want it, and I want it now!

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Wiz : While Soldier is an amazing fighter, he's got some mental issues. Like, I'm talking about really insane motives here. He'll straight up taunt his enemies during battle or just go ballistic and go in guns blazing, wasting his ammo for the pure destruction on his enemies. It can work, I guess.

Boomstick : And uh, he's not the smartest in strategy...or anything really. It may take a moment for him to catch on to a situation. And while rockets and rocket jumping are helpful, they can both wear him down over time if he just keeps on going like that. Not to mention that he doesn't have that many rockets, and once they're all gone he loses his ability to rocket jump entirely.

Wiz : If the Soldier can just keep his composure, he would clearly take victory one rocket jump at a time.

"If fighting is the sure result of victory, then you must fight!"

The Pyro[]

(Cue Dreams of Cruelty)

Wiz : Some in the world are mad, mad with power. No, mad with elemental power!

Boomstick : Is this some Avatar : Last Airbender shit happening?

Wiz : What? No! Let us introduce the sadistic and diabolical madman himself, the Pyro.

Boomstick : So what's up with this guy? He's just wearing a fire suit and a mask. It's not that sca-

Pyro shoots the Scout with his flare gun

Boomstick : Oh.

Wiz : That thing is a destructive monster, only burning and murdering his way through the battle.

Boomstick : What kind of man gets into this?

Wiz : Actually the Pyro's gender is unknown. He or she has a purse and does some things considered feminine. In fact, there are many theories on how his gender can be determined by counting his genetics, personality, and among other things. If only we knew the answer based on a couple of pointers-

(Cue the Game Theory theme "Science Blaster" slowly getting louder as Wiz talks before being cut off by Boomstick and resuming the previous music)

Boomstick : Eugh, no! Don't try me, Wiz. I thought we stopped advertising.

Wiz : Fine. As for the Pyro, the reason he... she... it...?

Boomstick : Just call it a man, everyone else is a man!

Wiz : Alright, I get the hint Boomstick! The reason Pyro is so sadistic and careless is that in his mind, he's actually seeing things that isn't what is actually happening. In his head, he believes the world is really just a happy and magical land of joy.

Boomstick : But in reality, he's busy murdering people with flames coming from the depths of hell and/or his axe of splicing. Oh what a joy!

Wiz : Being from an unknown land with no official name, Pyro just seems to be in the group. In fact, most of his teammates fear him when it comes to a fight. But outside of battle, the Pyro seems to act and respond much like a regular person. Maybe something just triggers him, his goggles? We may never know-

(Science Blaster plays again in the middle of Wiz's dialouge before being cut once again by Boomstick)

Boomstick : I'm not making the joke. You can't break me!

Special Abilities[]

  • Afterburn - After he ignites others, the opponent will still be burning for a little bit, around 4-6 seconds. They will take damage as it goes on unless they extinguish the fire.
  • Compression Blast - Pyro is able to reflect shots by shooting compressed air. By using this, he can blast away enemies, reflect projectiles such as rockets, and even extinguish fires if needed to. It costs 20/200 of his fuel to use, however.



  • Flamethrower / Rainblower - A simple flamethrower that burns away at foes, having a breath of fire being shot out at a medium-ranged distance. The Rainblower is the same, but in the Pyro's eyes he shoots rainbows from a french horn/tuba hybrid. 12.5 of his fuel is used per second. 200 Load | No Stock
  • Phlogistinator - Fires a wave of energy that burns the enemy. If he uses it for long enough, he can enter a state where he becomes more powerful and fully healed. It cannot airblast. 200 Load | No Stock


  • Shotgun - A simple, powerful, and quick 12-Gauge shotgun. 6 Load | 32 Stock
  • Flare Gun - A small red flare gun. It shoots a small fireball that burns enemies on contact and does additional damage against burning enemies. 1 Load | 16 Stock
  • Detonator - Similar to the Flare Gun, except it's a bit weaker. It can however be detonated into a small explosion mid-air. The blast is strong enough to destroy Sticky Bombs. 1 Load | 16 Stock
  • Scorch Shot - When shot, this flare gun will make enemies be both ignited and be knocked away a few feet. This can destroy sticky bombs, and the bullet drops for a second, making anyone who steps on it ignited as well. 1 Load | 16 Stock


  • Fireaxe - A simple, powerful, and efficient melee tool. It has a sharp wedge on the face of the weapon.
  • Axtinguisher - A stone axe that becomes more powerful on an opponent that is on fire.
  • Volcanic Fragment - An axe made out of volcanic rock that when hit, the opponent will be on fire.

Wiz : Pyro's main weapon is a lucky guess considering it's in his name. He uses flamethrowers as a main weapon, and most of them can shoot flames up to 1,000 degrees Celsius or 1,832 degrees Farenheit. It takes up fuel quite quickly, but he's still got plenty of time to unleash his fiery potential.

Boomstick : With his flamethrower, he has two special things with it. First off the list is the fact that when he burns people, the fire is going to stay on them for a bit, them taking damage in the process. The second thing is that he has an air blast that can knock people away, extinguish fires if needed, or he can just straight up reflect things. Bombs? Rockets? Baseballs? No match for the airbending Pyro! Of course, it's still going to use a bit of his fuel to use it.

Wiz : He has numerous flamethrowers to choose from, some being a standard issue or some shooting energy. Each of them has their own ups and downs, making it a situational choice for the Pyro.

Boomstick : His secondaries mostly consists of flare guns. You know, the thing that was meant for safety and S.O.S. situations! He took that motto straight out of it and used it to burn more things! He has one that can make it explode in mid-air, it's awesome! And he has a laser pistol too?! Man, life is great.

Wiz : Then there are his melee weapons. Most of them consist of axes that we have chosen except for one. The standard fireaxe is well, an axe. The Axtinguisher gives more damage to enemies on fire, and the Volcanic Fragment puts anything it hits ON fire.

Boomstick : Pyro doesn't sit down nor run around like crazy. He just kind of strolls along, waiting for innocent people to walk into his fiery entrance to hell! Or rainbows considering what trippy shit he's seeing. If he needs to, he can use some weapons as ranged attacks, mostly his flare guns.

Wiz : The Pyro's fondness with fire is incredible. So incredible in fact that he can make fire without any form of weapon! He is able to make a ball of fire and shoot it out similar to Ryu's Hadoken move. And that thing can kill if the opponent's in close enough range.

Boomstick : Not to mention that everyone's scared of him and what he can do. Just one well placed start of a fire and he can have his enemies and surroundings covered in flames.

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Wiz : This doesn't mean Pyro is the ultimate warrior. For starters, he's a bit sluggish on the ground. Not to mention that he still has no idea what the hell is going on around him. Where he sees a magical land filled with rainbows and sunshine, he's busy chopping others heads off. If something seems right in his world, there's a chance it could be the worst choice in reality.

Boomstick : Pyro's fire is an incredible source of long as he doesn't run out of fuel. His flamethrower doesn't shoot fire forever you know. If he runs out of fuel, he can't do most of the crazy shit he can do like air blasting and easily getting the afterburn effect.

Wiz : But Pyro is a devastating opponent. Nobody wants to die from the excruciating torment that this monster will put on you in an instant of a second.

Pyro is seen walking away from a dying Soldier, whistling as he moves along

The Demoman[]

(Cue Drunken Pipe Bomb)

Wiz : Born in Ullapool, Scotland, Tavish Finnegan DeGroot was a prodigy in the art of explosives. So much that he was already doing it in grade school!

Boomstick : Little Tavish first tried to make an experiment to blow up the Loch Ness monster. Yeah... it kind of killed the people that adopted him.

Wiz : Why he was adopted is a long story, but we'll summarize it. Basically, born demolition men must be separated from their parents. Why? I have no idea, it's just their culture.

Boomstick : But that's besides the point! His other parents who raised him which turned out to be his real parents had asked him to work in a library to increase his family's legacy of jobs. No seriously, they have a bunch of jobs, like thirty. And they were blind!

Wiz : The librarian turned out to be the magician Merasmus. When working for him, he warned him to never look into the Bombinomicon, a sacred and possessed book.

Boomstick : You know he looked into that shit, right? He actually opened the book just to lose an eye and for that eye to become a monster! That teaches you to NEVER tell kids never to look into things, because I know form experience that they're going to do what you say not to do just because they want to know.

Wiz : Well, the book itself told him to look into it, so it's kind of not his fault.

Boomstick : Wait, that thing can talk? I would've thought I was on drugs.

Wiz : He eventually found a job working for as a mercenary in his specialty, a Demolition Man for the Reliable Excavation Demolition team... it's what the RED team stands for.

Special Abilities[]

  • Sticky Jumping - If the Demoman detonates a sticky bomb while he jumps over it, he can launch himself into the air. This costs more health than Rocket Jumping, but it launches the Demoman farther.
  • Charge - While holding the Chargin' Targe, he is able to perform the Charge move. After building up energy over time, he can quickly move in a single direction or more with accessories. If he hits an enemy, they will be stunned or damaged by the attack, leaving them open for another attack.



  • Grenade Launcher - A gun that launches red capsules that will eventually explode once shot or can be detonated if it makes contact with an enemy. It is able to bounce off of walls and every shot has no immediate sign of where it will land. 4 Load | 16 Stock
  • Loose Cannon - These shoot cannonballs rather than grenades. They shoot faster and have a shorter fuse than the others at the cost of having a weaker contact shot, of which doesn't explode on contact at all, rather knocking enemies away. 4 Load | 16 Stock
  • B.A.S.E Jumper - A parachute that can be activated whilst being in the air, presumably from a sticky jump. He will descend slowly until he hits the ground.
  • Ali Baba's Wee Booties/Bootlegger - Boots that not only make the Demoman faster, but it will also allow him to maneuver easier whilst charging.


  • Sticky Bomb Launcher - This grenade launcher launches grenades that can stick to a wall or any solid platform. If an enemy makes contact with it, it will explode. On the other hand, the Demoman can detonate these bombs at will. He can have eight laid out at once. 8 Load | 24 Stock
  • Sticky Jumper - A sticky bomb launcher that doesn't hurt enemies, but it helps the Demoman sticky jump around an area with less damage taken rather than if he used genuine bombs. He can have two bombs laid out at once. 8 Load | 72 Stock
  • Chargin' Targe - A wooden shield with a spike onto it, it enables the Demoman to perform the Charge ability. This shield also gives the Demoman a slight resistance to explosive and fire damage, even giving him afterburn immunity.


  • Bottle - A simple, quick, and efficient melee tool. It is literally just a bottle of alcohol that can break after a strong hit.
  • Eyelander - A possessed sword with great power, it's main ability is to gain more power and speed of the user for every time it beheads an opponent.

Boomstick : In his new job, he mastered his skills in explosives even more by using bombs to the extreme! It only takes one well placed bomb to be thrown out and someone is going to die immediately. He also brings his favorite scrumpy, that's beer by the way, to battle for funsies and to whack people who oppose beer. That'll show them!

Wiz : These bombs are a massively strong tool that the Demoman uses. It can ricochet off of walls, which can give it more range to those secluded in tight spaces. He can even detonate them before they even explode by themselves. Speaking of which, it also explodes on contact with any enemy, leaving for some lethal results.

Boomstick : If he wants to go old school, he can pop out his Loose Cannon, which shoot out cannonballs of fury! They may not explode just as they hit them smack in the face, but it will surely blow you away...into bits of human pieces.

Wiz : His sticky bombs also help him in two straightforward ways. One, they act as a trap by being able to stick to walls and floors, leaving things such as unsuspecting intruders to be bombarded by bombs, of which he can also detonate.

Boomstick : Two is that he can launch himself into in the air by stepping on them. And with the help of his Sticky Jumper, he doesn't take as much damage if he were to step on an actual bomb in the first place. He still has to land down from a long fall though. But no worries, he can activate a parachute to make him gently fall like a feather in the wind.

Wiz : The final piece of information of the Demoman's skill is another referred pseudo-form of him: the Demoknight.

Boomstick : This means he's got a shield and sword, or bottle, in his hands rather than his guns. His sword is the legendary possessed, yet mass produced Eyelander. This thing has one job, and that's to behead everything! For every head it cuts off, the faster and stronger the Demoman becomes.

Wiz : His shield is the Charin' Targe, a wooden shield equipped with a spike in the center. With it he gets an advantage of slight fire and complete afterburn resistance. But it's real purpose is to quickly ram into his foes with great force. Of which his charge is strong enough to knock back numerous enemies or leave them open for a quick strike.

Boomstick : All of this, and the sheer power of the Scottish man is incredible. He can lay out up to eight bombs at once, leaving for some deadly power. How powerful? Enough to decimate whole teams or even an entire BUILDING in one collaborated explosion.

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Wiz : However, the Demoman's arsenal can go against him. It may do well at damaging other opponents, but it does just as well against himself. One accident, and Demo could be greatly hurt by it.

Boomstick : He's also got one eye, which may not be the worst thing, but the real sucker for him is his drinking problem. He drinks that thing a lot, and he may not be as good if he's buzzed out. He may cause an accident, and Wiz just covered why that's a bad thing. Then again, I drink a lot. How come I'm not hurt?

Wiz : You're not in a gun fight, Boomstick.

Boomstick : That's bullshit, I've been in plenty gunfights. I took you to one!

Wiz : Against six others with guns of all kinds?

Boomstick : Well you got me there.

Wiz : But even with alcoholism as a weakness, it doesn't stop him from being a destructive being. His bombs and offensive capabilities just might make him the victor.

"Ahahahahahaha! They're going to have to glue you back together, IN HELL!"

The Heavy[]

(Cue Soda Popinsiki's theme)

Wiz : Mikhail, also known as the Heavy, is known as the mascot for the franchise. He is the man who can give what he can take, using slow, yet powerful attacks to win.

Boomstick : MOTHER RUSSIA! I always needed a reason to say that!

Wiz : He, as said by Boomstick, was raised in Russia during the times of the Russian Revolution. If you don't know what that is, just go and read a book. We don't have time for mini-lessons.

Boomstick : I thought you always wanted to talk about history.

Wiz : Boomstick, we have four other fighters to go over. Maybe if there were less combatants, maybe I would give it to you. This whole thing can't last an hour you know. Besides, you're contradicting yourself. You hate it when I do it.

Boomstick : Good point. Moving on, his father was against the revolution. So in turn the Heavy's father was executed and the rest of the family was sent to the best prison ever: Gulag.

Wiz : Slowly becoming enraged over time from his father's death, he snapped. It's implied that he was able to take out all the guards in the prison and helped his family escape.The family lived up into the mountains until the Heavy's life was changed when he was invited to join the RED team as their Heavy Weapons expert.

Boomstick : Once he joined, he became a machine of mass destruction. Neigh, a wall of pain!



  • Sasha the Minigun - A bulky gun that Heavy has named. It has to start up by spinning the shaft for a second before firing. It is stronger than a Level 1 Sentry Gun and is stronger at close range. He is able to spin the shaft before firing, preparing for an attack. 200 Load | 0 Stock
  • Tomislav - Similar to Sasha, yet this one doesn't make a noise while the shaft spins, making it quiet, and has greater range. However, it has a slower firing speed. 200 Load | 0 Stock


  • Shotgun - A simple, yet efficient and powerful 12-Gauge shotgun. 6 Load | 32 Stock
  • Sandvich - Heavy's favorite snack. He will be immobile for four seconds whilst eating his snack, of which will restore all of Heavy's health once he is finished.


  • Fists - Heavy will literally use his fists in battle. He can perform haymakers and uppercuts, both of which are strong attacks,
  • Warrior's Spirit - Makes Heavy weaker in terms of bulkiness, but it is stronger and heals the Heavy for every successful hit he performs.

Wiz : The Heavy may not have any special abilities by his side, but what he does have is sheer and raw power. His weapon of choice-

Boomstick : I'll take this one, Wiz. His minigun or "Sasha", which is a good name for a gun in my opinion, packs a punch at close range. It fires $200 custom made bullets and can fire at 10,000 rounds per minute!

Wiz : That is actually faster than the fastest shooting minigun ever created, which can only shoot up to around 6,000 rounds per minute.

Boomstick : God damn, these guys know how to make good weapons! He also has the Tomislav, which has a slower firing speed, but is completely silent. Great for ambushes and surprise killings!

Wiz : If he runs out of ammo, he can use his Shotgun as a backup weapon. In fact if you haven't noticed, a lot of these classes use shotguns as a backup weapon.

Boomstick : Obviously because shotguns are always a reliable weapon in every situation! But if Heavy's nearly down, he can eat his trademark Sandvich to heal him up in a jiffy. Snack time has never been so important in my life.

Wiz : Then as for his melee weapons he prefers to use straight and plain fisticuffs. Or if he wants to be a bit more versatile, he can use claws that can heal him upon impact and are stronger in general.

Boomstick : This man is made to tank, literally. He can tank many bullets before he has to heal up or eventually go down. He's a bit slow, but his power makes up for it. By using his mini-gun, he can mow down his foes quicker than they can realize what hit 'em. And do not even get us back onto his fists again!

Wiz : Alone, his fists are surely powerful, showing great power and abilities to knock around foes like they're mere ragdolls. He can even do this!

"POW!" Heavy brings out his hand in the form of a finger gun before his enemy completely explodes

Boomstick : Holy shit, he's got magic hands!

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Wiz : Heavy is a beast, but there are some flaws that weigh him down greatly. Firstly, he isn't really fast on his feet, maybe due to his weapon weighing him down.

Boomstick : He's also stupid-

Wiz : No Boomstick, Heavy isn't stupid at all! In fact, he's proven to be quite clever. It's just that he's easily an easy-to-hit target considering the large behemoth he is, and his strategy is very simple. Mowing down your enemies with bullets isn't very complex. Speaking of bullets, his ammo can drain down quite quickly, making his true source of ranged power depleted often unless he can replenish his ammo quickly.

Boomstick : Not to mention that Heavy seems indestructible, but that's usually because he has a Medic behind him keeping him in tip-top shape, and in here there is no help from others. But if the Heavy can tank through the pain, he might come out on top.

"People think they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe... I've yet to see one who can outsmart bullet."

The Engineer[]

(Cue More Gun)

Wiz : Dell Conagher was raised in the western parts of Texas. Whilst being raised, he has shown to be very intelligent in the art of mechanics. His grandfather Radigan took interest into him, picking him up into the art hoping he would succeed his legacy.

Boomstick : Why do so many people have to do machines?! It makes me feel stupider.

Wiz : He spent ten years in the Texan oilfields following his grandfather's footsteps into technology. By the time he came out, he became to and surpassed Radigan's works, being able to craft technology of numerous kinds! In fact, he has 11 science PhDs in his possession, of which helped him further in his craft.

Boomstick : What? Huh? How?

Wiz : He's just really smart, Boomstick.

Boomstick : I'm just going to forget that fact for now and focus more on his history. He later learned that he was actually pretty good at killing people and decided to become a mercenary of the RED team to become the actually good IT guy!

Wiz : His duty is simple, create quick machines to help the team or himself travel, heal, or have assistance by creating a machine that shoots other people that it detects.

Boomstick : As the man stated himself, life's problems can be solved with guns! This man. I can tell we're going to be good friends.



  • Shotgun - A simple, yet powerful and efficient 12-Gauge shotgun. 6 Load | 32 Stock
  • Widowmaker - A gun that is similar to the shotgun, but in this case it shoots the ammo used for the Engineers machines: Metal. The more damage he does, the more metal he gets back as a reward. As long as he has said metal, he doesn't need to reload. 200 Metal (6 Load) | No Stock (until Metal is retrieved)
  • Rescue Ranger - A long shotgun that shoots lasers. It can damage people, but it's main purpose is that it can heal his machines by shooting it, saving metal. If he wishes, he can use metal to make machines come to him from a long distance away. 4 Load | 16 Stock


  • Pistol - A simple pistol that is fast enough to shoot six bullets per second. For the Engineer, he has a large amount of ammo stocked for this gun. 12 Load | 200 Stock
  • Wrangler - A remote control device that allows the Engineer to take manual control of his sentries, making them aim and shoot where he desires them to do so. He is also able to make them pull up an electrical shield, which reduces damage taken from it.
  • Short Circuit - A small device that shoots electrical bolts at enemies, shocking them. It is also able to destroy enemy projectiles. It uses metal as ammo, 5 for a single bolt, and 15 to destroy projectiles. 5 Load | 200 Stock (Able to be used 40 times at most)


  • Wrench - A simple monkey-wrench that the Engineer can use to whack others with. He is also able to use this to enhance, upgrade, and repair his machines by whacking them.
  • Gunslinger - Instead of regular sentries, the Engineer will place down a frail, yet powerful mini-sentry. He punches instead of whacks, of which still works on sentries.
  • Eureka Effect - A bit weaker than the regular Wrench, but it's main purpose is being able to teleport the Engineer to a set location, saving travel time or to tend to machines that are long away from him.

Buildings and PDA[]

  • PDA - A device that allows the Engineer to build or destroy machines of his choice. How many machines they have out depends on how much metal he has.
  • Level 1 - A small tripod sentry with a single barrel used to automatically target and shoot at an opponent. It's shots per second can be doubled with the Wrangler. 150 Rounds of Ammo
  • Level 2 - A medium build sentry with two barrels. It shoots at a faster pace and again can be doubled with the help of the Wrangler. 200 Rounds of Ammo
  • Level 3 - A large build sentry with two barrels and rocket launchers. It can launch both bullets and rocket launchers. 200 Rounds of Ammo and 20 Rockets
  • Mini Sentries - Smaller sentries that cannot be upgraded. They are powerful, yet weak. They are only used if the Engineer has the Gunslinger. They are most vulnerable during their construction and only have the strength of a Level 1 Sentry. 150 Rounds of Ammo
  • Level 1 - A rectangular box-shaped device that can supply limitless ammo, health, and metal for the Engineer.
  • Level 2 - The same as before, but the benefits are increased more than the basic level Dispenser.
  • Level 3 - The same as before, but the benefits are increased even more than the medium level Dispenser.
  • Level 1 - Two as a complete set, these let the Engineer travel from one place to another in a jiffy. It takes ten seconds once someone has transported for it to become ready to be used again
  • Level 2 - Same as before, but this time it takes five seconds to recharge.
  • Level 3 - Same as before, but this time it takes three seconds to recharge.

Wiz : The Engineer, being intelligent, is always ready for battle by bringing his best tool with him : technology.

Boomstick : But let's get down to the basics. He holds numerous shotguns that he can use for numerous situations. Your basic 12-Gauge is perfect for any situation, whether to blow someone's head off or to make people step the fuck back from your limited edition Transformers Optimus Prime action figure plus!

Wiz : That's... very specific.

Boomstick : Because it happens, Wiz! He also carries a gun that uses his other ammo source Metal, we'll get to that bit later, and another that shoots lasers and can heal his machines, and we'll get to that later too.

Wiz : He also wields a pistol that is not only quick, but has up to 200 bullets worth of clips ready to be shot, meaning he can go berserk for as long as he wants until he runs low on ammo. And if he needs to go on hitting other with objects, he can use his wrenches or robotic arm to attack. His robot arm in particular is actually quite strong. If he lets it spin around fast enough, he can drill straight through his enemies.

Boomstick : Now to the part you've all been waiting on, his contraptions of doom! His sentries are automatic shooting devices that will pin down his enemies and take them out one well placed shot at a time. He can enhance these beauties by of all things whacking them with a wrench or punching it with his robo-arm! The higher it goes, the better it gets. It goes from one barrel, to two, then to rocket launchers! But if he wants to go simple, he can create Mini-Sentries thanks to his Gunslinger. This man is a genius of all weaponry, and I give him my medal of approval!

Wiz : Not to mention he also is able to build a dispenser, which instantly gives the Engineer health, ammo, and more metal to build with. He can even craft teleporters that allow him to go from one place to another without much effort. He is able to enhance both to their best abilities.

Boomstick : His Rescue Ranger can shoot blasts to heal the devices if they've been hit, and his Wrangler can give him full control of the damn thing with a built in shield that can protect them from incoming blows. But if he doesn't use his Wrangler, he can always use his Short Circuit to vaporize anything coming at him, even rockets!

Wiz : All of his contraptions and two of his weapons are used up by Metal. He needs it to build, upgrade, and repair his sentries or to use specific weapons such as the Short Circuit or the Widowmaker, a gun that rewards him with more metal the more he successfully shoots someone with the gun.

Boomstick : This man is a genius and a strategic king. If he's in danger, he can always use his Eureka Effect to teleport away to safety. In fact, mostly he never has to do any work. He can just sit back and relax on a robo recliner drinking beer, or he can grab a controller and play a game of "Shoot the person with your Sentry!"

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Wiz : Well, his contraptions aren't that great when you consider the downsides. First off, his machines aren't invincible, and they can be manipulated enough to be destroyed or revert back to their basic forms. Either that or they just become obliterated by gunshots.

Boomstick : The Engineer may be great, but his power mostly comes from the things he builds. By himself, he may seem strong, but definitely not the strongest lone gunman around. He needs metal to build the damn things, and if his dispenser is destroyed and no more metal is in sight, he's kind of at a disadvantage.

Wiz : But even so, the Engineer has ways to work around that, and his brains and machines may gun down his way to being the top class.

"Take this heavy caliber, tripod-mounted, little ol' number designed by me, built by me, and you'd best hope it's not pointed at you."

The Medic[]

(Cue A Little Heart to Heart)

Wiz : Doctors, healers of the wounded. They tend to care for their patients, but some can be completely overboard and do the unthinkable, using them as subjects for their own petty experiments.

Boomstick : Take this guy for example!

Wiz : This doctor hailing from Stuttgart, Germany was completely that and possibly more. He performed experiments of all kinds before one got out of hand, making him lose his medical license.

Boomstick : So when he went to work at the healer of the RED team, what did he do to help the team? Exactly just that.

Wiz : Well, he did kind of help in a weird way. He performed experiments on them that would help them when he was healing them in the battlefield.

Boomstick : What is that supposed to be, an energy beam?

Wiz : Actually yes, he uses it to of course heal his teammates while they are on combat so they can you know, survive. He's also able to pump them up via an UberCharge, making them invincible. In fact, he has one gun that if he shoots his teammates, they will be healed. The Medic is a team player, always going for the team. Whilst he must fight, he will fight alongside or behind his allies, usually the latter.



  • Syringe Gun - An air-powered gun that shoots small, but numerous needles at enemies. He can fire ten syringes per second. 40 Load | 150 Stock


All of these are useless because they heal his teammates, which in this fight are his enemies. You don't heal your enemies when you're trying to kill them, that's stupid.


  • Bonesaw - A simple, yet powerful and efficient melee weapon that can cut through enemies with ease.
  • Amputator - Similar as the Bonesaw, but this gives the Medic regenerative health over time.

(Cue MEDIC!)

Boomstick : Well alright then, let's look at what he has! ...What the fuck?!

Wiz : Yeah, the Medic isn't really suit with a lot for a real combat situation. But let's talk about the good things first so we don't break him over.

Boomstick : If it helps ease his pain. His Syringe Gun is pretty simple, he shoots out needles at his enemies. They may not be as powerful, but he definitely has tons of them to shoot with and they will get you eventually if you're hit too much. And honestly, would you like it if you were hit with a barrage of 40 needles to your back?

Wiz : He also carries around saws that he can use to slice others and has been seen with the ability to stab his opponents. One of them even gives him a small healing factor! Actually, he's a pretty good fighter at close range, being strong offensively.

Boomstick : ...

Wiz : ...

Boomstick : Is there anything else good about this guy?

Wiz : Combat-wise, no. We can shit all over him now.

Boomstick : Hooray for disadvantages!

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Wiz : Where do we even start? Oh yes, most of his weapons heal his teammates!

Boomstick : You may be confused at first, but then you realize that he's fighting his teammates. If he used those healing weapons, he's only helping them win!

Wiz : Don't mention that compared to the others except for when it comes to melee weapons, he doesn't stand much of a chance in firepower. He's easily outclassed!

Boomstick : He's not going to win, is he?

Wiz : Maybe with just a little luck, he MIGHT pull through...somehow.

"Let's go practice medicine!"

The Sniper[]

(Cue Magnum Force)

Boomstick : Out of all of the origin stories I've ever heard, this one is probably the weirdest of them all.

Wiz : Being born in the lost land of New Zealand, which is for some reason underwater encased inside a glass dome, he was born as Mun-Dee. While being a toddler, his parents had formed a rocket ship, of which they were beginning to prepare it's launch until something had interrupted it.

Boomstick : They got into an argument, accidents happened, and off he was out of the glass dome, of which broke and the water flooded and killed everyone but his parents, and presumably into space.

Wiz : But what actually happened was that the ship crash landed into the Outback of Australia, where he was then adopted and raised by a husband and wife. However, it seemed that Mun-Dee knew he wasn't Australian once he pushed the pieces together of the differences between him and the other Australian kids, but doubted it at the time.

Boomstick : Skip to years later, and he becomes an expert huntsman and sniper, whose by then collected several heads. You already get the gist, he joined the RED team as a mercenary and became a crack shot. Oh yeah, he found his parents again too. His mom took another rocket to space, his dad escaped using a submarine he and the team were using, and the Sniper got shot. What a happy reunion!

Wiz : With his power, he used his ability of marksmanship by claiming his kills for every headshot he's performed with ease and laid back. He's become a master of his craft, even waiting whole days just to get the job done. And it's well worth it, and it's implied to pay well.



  • Sniper Rifle - A rifle with a scope, the Sniper is able to get a zoomed in look from the scope. This gun was made for accuracy, and a well placed Headshot will automatically kill someone. 25 Load | 0 Stock
  • Huntsman - A bow and arrow that is powerful and quick, yet has less ammo and is better when up close. It can even shoot flame arrows if lit up. 1 Load | 12 Stock
  • Sydney Sleeper - A regular sniper rifle, yet it shoots jars of Jarate rather than bullets. Headshots do not automatically kill an enemy. 25 Load | 0 Stock


  • Submachine Gun - A carbine gun that shoots up to ten bullets per second with well accuracy, yet it doesn't do that much damage. 25 Load | 75 Stock
  • Jarate - A literal jar of urine that the Sniper can throw at enemies, making them turn yellow. This is great for revealing cloaked Spies, and can also immediately rid of the afterburn effect.
  • Razorback - This is a board that is attached to the Sniper's back. If gives him full immunity to one backstab before it breaks. By then, the Sniper would already know a Spy attempted to kill him due to the buzzing sound it makes, leaving them open.


  • Kukri - A Nepalese blade that is sharp and curved. Much like other melee weapons, it is quick, efficient, and powerful.

(Cue Conflict's Chime)

Boomstick : This guy is built for combat, but from a distance. His most reliable tool is his Sniper Rifle, a weapon that if you shoot it just right, you can make heads explode in an instant. If he has to fight closer, he can always use his SMG. Too bad it kind of sucks, so we're moving on to point out his blade: the Kukri! Perfect for slicing those pesky intruders!

Wiz : The Sniper usually prefers to stay back in a fight, merely "camping" in the area. It may seem cheap in the video game format, but it's actually a viable tactic. If it didn't work, how come he's still alive? It may backfire in his face sometimes, but he can always just find another secluded spot.

Boomstick : But he has more weapons, Wiz! No time for talk! He doesn't even need an SMG if be whips out his Huntsman, a bow and arrow packed with thirteen arrows. The more he charges his shot, the more powerful it becomes. Or you know, you can just stab people with the arrow. Either is fine by me as long as it gets the job done.

Wiz : But sometimes the Sniper also has to prepare himself for any situation to occur must he be spotted. So he usually brings two things with them

Boomstick : He has an entire glass of piss,or as it's known as, the Jarate! Jar based karate that is specifically designed to cover people in your natural lemonade. It's great for pranks, showing invisible people, and also to take out fires! Need to do it from a distance? No worries, the Sydney Sleeper is here to help! It will literally shoot your enemies with piss! It may not kill you with a headshot, but hot damn this thing is just boundaries above weird.

Wiz : He has also had a problem among Snipers in general. While they do an amazing tucked away and safe, if someone were to discover his base, he might have a problem since he is unable to see them, more focused on their scope than his surroundings, most particularly spies stabbing him in the back.

Boomstick : So he grabbed a board and strapped it to his back! It may snap in half once they try, but it's already long enough that the Sniper knows someone tried to do something. Why? It makes a fucking zap noise! By then, the Sniper would've either already chased away his foe or just end up killing them in the process.

Wiz : The Sniper is an experienced hunter, having many heads shot behind in his record. He has a weapon that he can use for long and short-ranged situations, albeit he prefers to be far away. His seclusion abilities are actually quite sneaky, having foes breathe their last breath before they even see him coming.

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Boomstick : But the Sniper still has a few things off about him. We told you numerous times that he prefers to be away and safe. His close-combat skills aren't as deadly and could be trumped by others.

Wiz : And if anyone happens to be nearby the Sniper, anything but a backstab is a guaranteed free hit for the enemy, rendering the Sniper at a disadvantage from the get-go.

Boomstick : But neigh I say, it will only take six well placed bullets for him to win the battle, and you better pray he doesn't spare an extra one on you!

"Because at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead."

The Spy[]

(Cue Behind You Right Behind You)

Wiz : A stealthy kill mission is simple, go in and obliterate your target. But sometimes you need to make your plan as stealthy and clean as your possibly, and kill swiftly and without a sound.

Boomstick : This is what this guy loves. Nobody knows who he is, but there is something. He's from France, the land of love, banged and still is banging BLU Scout's mom, and is a complete force to be known as the man who can kill in one one swift move of his arm and people will drop.

Wiz : This man's identity is also a secret hidden from us, and probably forever will to keep his character. However, some evidence has lead to that he may be related to someone. Maybe even related to someone from the BLU Team, maybe even someone from the RED team, people say it's the-

(Science Blaster yet again plays while Wiz is talking until Boomstick interrupts for the final time.)

Boomsick : Okay I know, it's a Game Theory! Can we move on now?

Wiz : Whatever you say. The Spy's tactics are simple, be stealthy and kill your enemies quickly, for that's his source of power. Like the Scout, he's very good at seeking an Intelligence, but prefers to be hidden in the shadows until he breaches through or has to rid of an enemy. Before anything, he has to take his most special ability: Disguises, and more on that later.

Boomstick : But this man is no ordinary man. Well, he is, but that's not what I'm saying. He shows no fear for his enemies and mocks the shit about how stupid they were to not find out he was an enemy, or in fact a spy at all. He's the douchiest spy you'll ever see, but it's one of those you just love them when they are.



Primary PDA[]
  • Disguise Kit - A small cigarette case that allows the Spy to transform into any of the other eight classes of his choosing. A puff of smoke forms until he finally becomes what he chooses. He will also be able to speak the same as the class he chooses.
Secondary PDA[]
  • Invis Watch - A watch that when activated, the Spy will be cloaked and completely invisible to everyone around him. It lasts for 9 seconds before he must convert back to normal, and the watch has to recharge back to full if he wants to have the longest duration.
  • Dead Ringer - A golden pocket watch with some editing done to it to make it look modernized on the inside of the clock. Once activated if the Spy is hit, it will drop a fake corpse whilst the real Spy is cloaked and walking away. It lasts 3 seconds more than the Invis Watch and grants him
  • Sapper - A boxed electronic device that is made to disable and destroy the likes of machines most likely built by the Engineer. It will first disable them, and then after long enough they will be destroyed
  • Red Tape Recorder - Similar to the regular sapper, but this time it doesn't destroy the sentry, merely reverse it's life cycle. If it were a Level 3 Sentry, it would revert to a Level 2 Sentry, then a Level 1 Sentry, then back to it's starting stage inside of a box.


  • Revolver - A standard six-chamber revolver that does well as Spy's only mean of ranged combat. It has decent accuracy and is reliable when dealing with away foes. 6 Load | 24 Stock
  • Ambassador - Weaker than the regular revolver at first, but it becomes much stronger and more accurate if the Spy successfully performs a headshot. 6 Load | 24 Stock


  • Butterfly Knife - Also known as Balisongs, they are the Spy's main melee weapon. By using this, he can stab his opponent, or most notably, perform a backstab. A backstab will immediately kill an opponent if nothing guards their back, for it multiplies the usual damage he would do by six.
  • Sharp Dresser - A sharp, hidden blade that is sheathed beneath the Spy's sleeves. He is still able to perform both normal stabs and backstabs using this.

(Cue Visitor)

Wiz : The Spy's gear is a little light, but he makes up for it by what he can do. Firstly, his disguises are one of his key factors. He is able to take disguise as any of the team members. Contrary to popular thought, he is able to take forms of those that are on the same color as he is, making it possible for him to be a class on the RED team. All that matters are who he chooses to take place as.

Boomstick : He's also got a watch that makes him invisible to the naked eye! It doesn't last forever, but it's still a massive tool in his arsenal. Or if he's in a riskier situation, he can pull out the Dead Ringer, and when hit he drops a fake corpse like a criminal in disguise, and then he can run away until he thinks of something else to do or for a new approach.

Wiz : Probably the most advanced in his arsenal are most likely his sappers. These are used to counter the Engineer's buildings, which are more of a nuisance to the Spy than you can think. At first, he will disable the buildings, and a few seconds later if an Engineer doesn't respond, they'll explode!

Boomstick : Alternatively, he can use the Red Tape Recorder, which is like the anti-age cream for machines! Too bad it's a bad thing though, because it'll turn those sentries back into their little baby stages, making them have to be built all over again! Onto his weapons-...where are his primaries?

Wiz : I told you Boomstick, he only carries little items, and he doesn't have any big guns hiding at all! But let's talk about the essentials first. His revolvers are simple. It's the only means of defense the Sniper has against away foes, and acts as his only means of ranged weaponry. If he's well enough with it, he could use the Ambassador, a weapon that gets stronger the more he shoots the head. It may not kill immediately, but it'll be more powerful.

Boomstick : Then the holy grail of his weaponry are his knives! We're only going to discuss two of these babies, so let's get started. His butterfly knives are his go-to when stabbing his opponents, being able to flip the blade out at any time. Actually, he even has a tinier version of it, and he keeps not only that bu also small well-done turkeys in his teeth! What the hell?

Wiz : He also has a hidden blade hidden under his cuffs and sleeves, also known as the Sharp Dresser. It's a great weapon for surprise attacks, is concealed easily, and is much easier to pull out rather than having to grab a knife, for here he can just bring it out with a move of his wrists!

Boomstick : The Spy is no pushover, and his best attack is the most dangerous of them all. Fear and tremble upon the almighty BACKSTAB TRICK!

Wiz : The Spy's backstab is an amazing attack when pulled off correctly. One hit from it will immediately killed, and comes at a complete surprise coming from behind you. It's completely easy to do as well, being a simple means of killing an opponent. This is the Spy's most prioritized attack, making it all the more likely for him to stay unseen until the right time has come to strike.

Flaws & Conclusion[]

Boomstick : Too bad he isn't the best out of every spy ever. He's a good spy and does well in the shadows, I get it, but his weaponry isn't that strong if you take away the backstab. Take away his knives or the ability to backstab, and he doesn't stand much of a chance.

Wiz : Not to mention that albeit a good tool, there's not much use for the Disguise Kit in this fight. Maybe to trick an opponent, but nothing else that helps. Not to mention that as stated by Boomstick, the Spy loves to talk. In fact, he always has something to say right before he kills someone. He's been successful with it so far, but someone quick enough may get past him in that area.

Boomstick : Not to mention his cloaks. Just because he's invisible doesn't mean he's invincible. Something such as a liquid would reveal him to the others. And then fire is also a thing, because not only will it show the Spy's figure, it's also going to hurt him greatly. But if he keeps in the shadows, he will surely slowly thin down the competition until he comes out on top.

"Right behind you." The Spy proclaims before he proceeds to backstab a Heavy and Soldier


Wiz : Alright, all nine combatants are set and ready to go! Let's settle this debate once and for all!

Boomstick : It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!


Nine different gates were seen out in an open plain. Wooden buildings and different houses were seen around the area. It wasn't anything the entire RED team had been into before. Was this a new territory?

Slowly, all of the members awoke in confusion, they asked who was there and identified the whole team one by one via an audio-activated speaker. They couldn't tell how close nor far they were from each other. All in shock, they slightly panicked until an intercom activated.

It was the administrator, so maybe she could help them out! Or at least tell them what happened, because they don't even remember what had happened hours ago, even some parts of the day before!

Administrator: Listen up, you scoundrels! You have decimated the BLU team and we are allowing you freedom and your paychecks for it! However, since we are all aware that you are all filled with horrid greed, we have made a compromise! You will all fight to the death!

By now the team had moaned and questioned the motives of the Administrator, but then something she said caught their attention, showing that they really were all that greedy.

Administrator: Whoever is the winner is of course free to go while the others are of course decimated in their own blood! You will find your weapons When you leave, you will receive a lifetime's worth of riches!

Scout: Lifetime of riches? Yeah, I'm actually good with that.

Sniper: Well golly gee, I've done things harder than that!? This'll be a breeze..

Heavy: Heavy will smash babies and win money!

They looked for the said weapons that the Administrator was talking about. There was a box of crates followed by their class name. In the crate were of course their said weapons. Not all of their weapons were in there, but it was good enough to stroll with in battle. All of the nine mercenaries began packing their weapons together.

Administrator: Your final mission will begin in 10 seconds!

All were ready to go except for the Medic. He was puzzled, for his Medi-Gun was nowhere to be seen. Have they forgotten it, or was it just a useless thing in this bout? All he had was a gun and two saws, so he began to doubt immediate victory.

Administrator: 7...6...5...

By now, all began to prepare themselves to storm out of the gates. With their basic weapons in hand, they were about ready for anything. They all have a strategy, go out and find their best place of offense. Some were far away, and some were just going in.

Administrator: 3...2..1...


The gates opened, and they all began storming out of their little cages and out onto the grassy plains. They heard other stomping too, and then they happened to turn their heads. All immediately stopped in their tracks. All of the gates were right next to each other.

The men were silent. This was actually a very awkward situation. All would stay so until a special man with a very heavy weapon began turning the shaft, making it spin.

They knew what would happen next, so they all ran. Scout tried to flee as quickly as possible away from the Heavy, the Soldier and Demoman began jumping away from height to height using their techniques, the Engineer used his Eureka Effect and went God knows where. As for the others, they tried to just take cover by using the nearby boulders as help from Heavy's soon-to-be rain of bullets.

The Heavy unleashed all hell as he could. Luckily, the boulders did help by acting at helpful shield against them. He got frustrated and taunted at the hiding cowards, hoping they would come out just in time for him to burst them into holed mincemeat.

Heavy: Come on out, babies! Heavy promise to take good care of you, ahahaha!

What he didn't know was that they had already fled, making sure they would be unseen by the boulder's obscurity blocking the Heavy's sight of them. The Engineer was trying to find a great place to begin work after he ended up in an area where he could still hear a faint sound of minigun fire. He stumbled upon a staircase and a porch and began to work on construction.


The Soldier was seen jumping away from building to building, traveling around using his Rocket Jumper. He landed onto a platform that had a two-way into an entrance and an exit. The Soldier sprained his leg when landing, making him fall over.

Solder: Dammit! Medic! Oh wait, that's right, we're fighting against each other. It's fine, I can work this out. Let's see, just angle this here and...

He tried to rocket jump again, but aimed wrong and went crashing straight through a window, making him land head-first into a wall. Good thing he was wearing a helmet!

By the time he fell, he noticed a cabinet open with three bottles of medicine, and one had fallen over. He began to walk over there, using his rocket launcher as a crutch. He picked up the bottle and began to drink it.

It was able to make him feel good as new and healed him quickly. He had a deceiving idea by that point. He grabbed the bottles and stuffed them in the jacket pockets on the inner side of his coat. All is fair in war, he would say.

Soldier: All's fair in war, I say!

Yeah, like that! Venturing on, he went on soaring through the skies. While he was jumping, he saw the Scout running about in an alleyway besides two of the buildings. He didn't care for the Scout right now, he wanted to follow the Demoman to show him the American way of rocketry!

(Cue Faster than a Speeding Bullet)

The Scout ran swiftly from left to right, making sure to look back to know nobody was following him. He made a turn to the right, hoping for the same thing. However, it was not so. The Medic could see the Scout from a distance. This was his time!

Whilst running, the Medic stood and fires his syringes at the Scout. Not noticing upon impact, he was successfully struck him with multiple needles. He felt the sharp pain, and tripped over when trying to examine what hit and struck him down.

He looked up at the Medic as he tried to grab and pull the needles out. He questioned what he was even doing in confusion and utter shock that his gun shoots needles.

Scout: Really, needles?! Out of everything you could've chosen?

Medic: Aha, my boy! Pain is always ze best medicine!

The Medic had reloaded and tried to aim at the Scout again, who was getting up, but he was way too slow. The scout pulled out his pocket pistol and shot the Medic twice, making him grab his stomach. The small boy then ran away, hoping to not see him again.

Man, bad luck must really love the Scout today. He got shot again, but thankfully it was from a weak weapon. The Sniper had panicked and shot him with the SMG. Even angrier, the Scout shot at the hiding sniper with his pistol. Like the Medic, the Sniper grabbed his stomach and saw the blood on his hand.

Sniper: Gaugh! Wanker!

Scout: There's more where that came from, kangaroo!

The Scout grabbed his bat and charged towards the Sniper. Seeing it coming, the Australian man brought out his blade. They began to swing at each others. For each swing, they moved forward, then back again to avoid getting hit. The Sniper did manage to cut a bit of the Scout's cheek, but it didn't even make him flinch.

He bunted at the Sniper's stomach. Having him bent over in reaction, the Scout then swung upwards whilst running, followed by a swing to the back, and then finally a last swing to the face before the Scout ran off to another area. The Sniper fell, not dead, just tired. He'll just rest there for a minute, nothing could possibly go wrong there.


The Demoman was sitting on a rooftop of a house drinking Scrumpy, having a nice time until he had to fight. Well, it wasn't lasting for long, for the Soldier had tracked him down and was aiming through a window.

The American hero shot his rockets in hopes of success, but instead missed. The Demoman had heard the noise and looked back in confusion. He spotted the Soldier and mocked him.

Demoman: Bloody hell? I know I'm a cyclops, but at least I can aim!

Soldier: Dammit! I'll get you, you maggot!

The Soldier launched himself to the roof, where Demoman stood, launcher in-tact. The madman grabbed his rocket and shot it. The Demoman was far away and easily dodged it, following up by firing a grenade. They kept at it, some blasting near each other.

Eventually, the Soldier was blasted away by recoil and off the rooftop, but held onto the gutters. Not giving up, he fired at Demoman one last time as for he shot a grenade. The two blasts collided and exploded, giving time for the Soldier to get back up.

Soldier: This isn't working, so let's settle this like men! No, like patriots! American Patriots!

He threw down his rocket and brought up a shovel. The Demoman obliged, putting away his launcher in exchange for his sword, the Eyelander.

They began to duel, with the Soldier surprisingly having a lead, whacking him like a madman. Enraged, the Demoman tried to behead the Soldier, but was lucky enough to duck, leaving only his helmet to be cut into two. They brought up to duel some more until eventually the Demoman cut through the wooden handle of the Shovel, breaking it into halves.

The Soldier didn't hesitate, he immediately brought a pickaxe and sent it into Demoman's shoulder, making him fall back. Soldier attempted to end it, so he grabbed into his pockets and through an object without looking, presumably already knowing what it would've been.

Assuming he had victory, he tried to drink another medicine bottle. Problem was, he threw the bottle at Demo, who by know had already noticed and was currently drinking the bottle. What did the Soldier try to drink? Why his own grenade! The Demoman mocked at the Soldier.

Demoman: Now that's just pitiful, lad. If you still want to pick up the fight, you'll have to follow me!

Using his Sticky Jumper, he placed a bomb and jumped away. Frustrated, it took a few seconds for the Soldier to unleash his anger, throwing the grenade as hard as he could. He will not let him nor his country be humiliated like this! He grabbed his rocket launcher and immediately sent after him.


The Sniper was still taking his nap after what the Scout laid onto him. He came to his senses minutes later, making sure nobody was around. He figured out what made him wake up, a sound of something a gun's time to run.

The Heavy began some more hellfire, making sure someone was around to be blitzed into pieces by his bullets. The Sniper saw a large two-story building and went inside, making sure the Heavy wasn't noticing.

He ran up the stairs and prepared to camp out. It seemed nearly perfect, even. He had two open doors that he could escape by, simply just marvelous!

He watched the scene go down, as noticed that the Medic was on his tail, preparing a sneak attack. He'll see how this goes, and could easily finish up the job once one kills another.

The Medic grabbed his saw and sliced Heavy in the back. The behemoth dropped Sasha, then faced the Medic with anger in his eyes. He attempted to slice the Heavy again, but it failed horribly with the large man grabbing the doctor's arms. He held him up and threw him towards a wall.

Sniper: Crikey!

The man was shocked that the Heavy could do such a thing. Speaking of him, he punched the Medic three times before he barely got up. The Russian man had enough. He pulled back his hand into his pocket as the Medic was pulling back.

Medic: What are you doing? There's nothing under there, don't be stup-!?

Heavy: POW!

Heavy brought out his hands with his fingers together, making it shaped like a small handgun. The instant he pulled it out, the Medic exploded into pieces, with bits falling out. Both the Heavy and Sniper were first shocked, but then burst into laughter.

KO! 1/8

Heavy: Ohohohoho! Doctor did not see it coming!

Sniper: Fan-bloody-tastic!

The laughter got too much out of the Sniper though. The Heavy had already left and entered inside the building. But still, it was a laugh worth talking about. He could just imagine it now, the tale of the pitiful doctor who died to a literal handgun.


The Soldier was keeping track of the Demoman's jumps. He may have had the lead, but the Soldier wasn't going to give up. He had kept a close eye on where he would've been, and thought of an easy way to tell where he would've been.

Well he wasn't close at all. He was about to rocket jump straight into a pitfall! On his final rocketjump, he noticed the large hole ahead. Being safe, he unleashed his parachute. Either he got lost or Demoman fell to his death.

That was a close one, soldier. He turned around to see where he would land, making sure to land- Oh hey, is that the Pyro? Now was his chance!

Soldier: Take this, you mumbling lunatic!

Another rocket crashed into the ground, catching the pyromaniac's attention. The OTHER maniac kept shooting rockets towards the Pyro. He managed to barely dodge them. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a flare gun. He went out into the open and successfully shot at the Soldier, lighting him up.

Soldier: Ow, ow! Fire! If you think you have fire, I'll dominate you with my fire!

About halfway down from the ground, he pulled out his Beggar's Bazooka and began loading them up. He didn't have many rockets left, but this was his time! After loading three up, he fired them all, hoping to obliterate the anti-fireman.

The Pyro had held onto his Flamethrower, lifted it up, and airblasted all three of them, sending them back into the Soldier's direction, but even faster than either of them could counter with enough speed.

Sodlier: ...Uh-Oh.

All three rockets made impact onto the Soldier. He may have survived one rocket, two if he was lucky, but this was just overkill. The patriot blew up as so did with the rockets, making his bits and pieces shower from above. The Pyro raised his Flamethrower in victory and moved on.

KO! 2/8


The Spy was roaming around inside the building, where he had stalked one of the others: the Heavy. He witnessed the Medic being killed from afar. He was so close to blowing his cover trying not to laugh by the humiliation! Oh yes, but where was he? Oh, right, he was going to confront him and finish him off like he did to the Medic!

The Heavy was holding the Tomislav, Sasha's ammo has ran out, and was spinning the barrel. This was riskier since the Tomislav is silent when spinning, so it's harder to figure out if he's ready or not. It didn't matter, the Spy had a plan for either situation. He appeared a bit away from the Heavy.

Spy: You do realize that you're not going to win this, no?

Heavy: Spy! Heavy will crush you!

That insult didn't seem to wear him down, only make him shoot more. He aimed at the Spy, but he's been cloaked already and probably hiding somewhere. To make sure he got him, he continued shooting his minigun until it ran out of ammo, making sure he got every nook and cranny and to hopefully shoot down the spy. The ammo did run out, but no spy.

That was, until he popped out again. This time, he had shaken his arm out, revealing a blade underneath.

Spy: Looks like that didn't work, you big lump of fat!

Heavy had grabbed some weird looking gloves and put them on. No, they were claws!

Heavy: Tiny baby man won't live for long!

They both exchanged blows to each other, with the Spy stabbing the Heavy up front numerous times, yet he's still standing while the large men claws at him. What's making him stay up for so long?

The Spy didn't think that for long, because the Heavy pulled a one-two jab to an uppercut, which sent the Spy to the ground. Something dropped from his pocket, so he immediately picked it up whilst grabbing his revolver. He made a witty remark before he realized something.

Spy: Any last words before you meet your make-...Oh.

The Heavy had kept a 12-Gauge Shotgun with him at all times. You'd expect him to only bring his minigun, but I guess even this guy knows he has to come prepared. It was just now pumped up and aimed at the Spy, who was doomed by this point.

Heavy: No!

Heavy shot at the Spy, making him plummet to the ground, dead as can be. Heavy thought business was done here, so he walked along to the exit of the building.


Well the Spy wasn't dead at all actually. The thing that he dropped was the Dead Ringer, which helped the Spy fake his own death. He knew it wasn't a right choice to attempt to go after the Heavy immediately, so he traveled along a path to see where he would be taken.


As for the Heavy, he ventured outside and took a break. He took out his favorite meal, the Sandvich. It was a delicacy beyond any other form of food out there. It was pure perfection. Every bite from start to finish was delicious to Heavy, making him feel filled and healed. Well, that was until a jar of urine hit him smack in the face.

The Sniper had taken a shot at the Heavy from the building he remained in, kicked back and cozy with a few jars of urine in the back from his small bathroom breaks. The Heavy got confused, then angry.

He began to shoot a few rounds into the air demanding who did this. Well to be frank, the Sniper himself was confused. He took another shot to be sure, and yet again the Heavy was shot with piss.

Sniper: Well that's the problem! I got the bloody wrong gun!

He switched out his mistaken Sydney Sleeper in exchange for his ordinary rifle. He aimed, waited for the Heavy to be still from his rampage, and took the shoot.


Sniper: Boom, headshot.

The shot was perfect and instantly killed the Heavy, showed him right for standing still like that.

KO! 3/8

The pierced and now dead Heavy spazzed out a bit before finally going limp and falling down to the Earth. Another well-earned head claimed by the Australian hunter!


The Engineer was almost finished with his positioning. He's got his dispenser, teleporters, and his sentry is up and running. He was sitting back in his robotic recliner drinking some beer, when something caught his ears. His Sentry began to fire!

Engineer: Alrighty, let's see what I reeled in today!

It was the Scout running around. He caught eye of the sentry attempting to fire, but it couldn't keep up.

Scout: That's a nice sentry you got there, overalls. Let's see if it can take my bullets fast enough for you to be it's personal nurse.

Engineer: String-bean, if you want to play that game you better know how to run a lot faster.

The Engineer began hitting his sentry with his wrench. Thanks to his dispenser, he doesn't need to worry about metal! The more he hit it, the farther it got upgraded, getting faster and faster. It was about too much for the Scout to keep up until he began shooting at it.

Engie tried to repair it using his Rescue Ranger, but the damage was inevitable. The sentry was destroyed, but at a cost for the Scout as well. He had to replace his gun, for it ran out of ammo. He decided to switch to the Soda Popper, he'll need the jumps if he wants dodge those sentries.

The Engineer had already left, presumably up the stairwell. Scout gave chase until he stumbled upon what was happening. The Engineer had had a set of Mini-Sentries built up as back-up, and he was controlling one of them with the Wrangler.

Engineer: Now this here isn't on autopilot, boy. You better start moving those legs.

He wasn't kidding, the manually controlled sentries were moving faster than the already automatically shooting mini-sentries. The Scout was hit a few times and had to go back down to think up of something. He thought for a moment, and had an idea. He moved around for a bit before feeling charged. Digging into his pocket, he grabbed a Crit-a-Cola and chugged the whole thing down.

He ran up towards the stairs and activated, well, something. He glew purple and began to jump incredibly high. He shot the Engineer, who was confused and surprised, twice, making him trip down for a second. Immediately after, the Scout took the Sandman and ball and hit the ball, sending it towards the Engineer, and directly hitting him onto the head whilst getting up.

With only a small fraction of time left, he leaped up as much as he could numerous times before he landed. He pushed back the Texan with his Soda Popper acting as a charging ram.

Scout: You got any last words before I completely own you?

Quick to get out, the Engineer pulled out a small stick. This special small weapon zapped the Scout, making him stunned for a moment. While he still could, the Engineer grabbed the Scout and placed a pistol onto his head, turning the tables completely.

Engineer: Now that wasn't the best idea, now was it? I'm about to grill you up Texas Sty-


Engineer: Spy! Grrrr, today's your lucky day, boy!

The Scout was pushed down to the floor as the Engineer tended to his sentries. He was able to save all but one of the sentries. When Scout regained his senses, he noticed that a red silhouette and puff smoke began to form. Just by this point, he didn't want to see the results.

Scout: Aw, screw this! I ain't watching this go down!

He bailed, completely ditching the Soda Popper. It was fine though, he still had one weapon up his sleeve anyways. As for the Engineer, he merely mocked what the Scout said, thinking the Scout thought he was going to come out on top.

Engineer: The boy's right. That coward's never going to see it comin'!

Spy: Right behind you.

The Engineer reacted quickly as if he already expected him. With a quick swipe, he struck the Spy with his wrench. The swipe managed to knock the knife out of the Spy's hand. Panicking, he held something tight in his hand as he tried to shoot Engie, but the opponent shot first, making him fall over surprisingly quick. And just for quick measures he shot the body twice while it was still down.

Engineer: Heh, you should've gotten more gadgets to make you survive bullets there, son.


Wait a second, why is that knife moving on it's own? Of course, another dead ringer antic brought up by the Spy! The Engineer was feeling safe, so he began to construct more sentries, which would soon be his demise. His mistake was very crucial, hearing only these last words.

Spy: Oh, but I do.

No matter what, death was inevitable for the Texas constructor. The Spy backstabbed the Engineer, utterly meeting his demise. The Spy picked up his body and tossed it down the previous stairs he constructed onto before.

KO! 4/8


The Scout was running away as before. He was around where the Medic had shot him with needles, then following into the path where the Medic was. All was okay until he heard some...explosions?

???: Yaaaaaaaargh!

The running Scout looked behind him and found that Demoman had been charging full speed at him. He tried to run faster, but the Demoman was seemingly on his tail. Luckily, there was an exit to the left of the Scout, making a quick escape.

That didn't stop the Scottish drunk. He began sticky jumping and landing down with strikes of his Eyelander and shots from his grenade launcher, and these looked like genuine bombs this time. All were of course misses considering this is the Scout, and he even managed to counterattack once.

But on the final attack attempted, the Scout had enough. He grabbed his bat and began striking the Demoman. Demoman tried to strike against the bat and nearly did, but he was overwhelmed by the speed. Onto his knees, the Scout ran away once again.

It didn't take the Demoman long enough to get back up, but he definitely had a plan. He sticky jumped around again, but he didn't pursue the Scout, only watched him. He thought up of something that just might work.


The Scout was still traveling along, making sure the Demoman wasn't on his tail. All was good, but he heard something. He saw a bullet hit the wall not too far from him. Shrugging it off, he kept going until it happened again, yet this time it broke through a window.

He noticed something was wrong. He hid as best as he could, peeking from the sidelines. He couldn't help but notice something: a sniper rifle was poking out of an open window. Who else could it be?

Sniper: Aw, bloody piss! Where did that kid go?

The Scout examined the area and noticed a path to the right side of the building onto the top level. He tried to see if it was possible to move to the area without being spotted. Eh, who cares? He ran as rightmost to the area as he could, making sure not to be spotted by the Sniper's hawkeye view.

He crept up the stairs, making sure to not make a sound. He was ready to ambush the Sniper, until he made one fatal mistake...he tripped. He slipped onto the board and made a loud thump onto the wooden floor, making the Sniper notice.

Sniper: ? 'Ey, piss off!

Scout: Oh, this ain't lookin' too good.

The Sniper grabbed his Bow and Arrow, attempting to shoot at the Scout. He managed to hide behind a stack of boxes, saving his life from an arrow pierce to the head. He smirked and taunted the Sniper, coming out of hiding and pointing at his face.

Scout: Yeah, you like that you little camping bag of-

The Scout would finish if it weren't for the fact that a jar of piss just hit him smack in the face, blinding him. He tripped over again, yet this made him miss another arrow. He tried to wipe his eyes off, but the urine was still intact.

Enraged, the gave the Sniper his own taste of that, throwing milk at him. He successfully performed the action, making the Sniper blinded and yet again with another failed shot.

The Scout finally managed to have wiped off his eyes whilst the Sniper was still panicking. With the chance still available, he grabbed his bat and sent another ball flying, hitting the Sniper smack on the head. Stunned, this was the time.

Running to get his ball, he grabbed a cleaver and threw it straight at the Sniper's face, making it cleave into his skull successfully. The Scout watched as the Australian huntsman slowly fell to the ground, dead from his face becoming split. He cheered onto his victory and insulted the Sniper.

KO! 5/8

Scout: Oh yeah! I did that, and you are DEAD! I mean look at you, you just camped out there just to get a knife to the face, and that's it!? You should be ashamed, pally! And get this...

He just kept rambling on and on about how great he was, oblivious to the fact of what was happening outside. He just fell into the Demoman's trap. Oh, what was he doing? He was setting up sticky bombs in and out of the building.

He set traps to specific spots so the Scout couldn't escape without a scratch, and the Scout didn't notice until he nearly got hit with one, going above his head and onto the ceiling.

Scout: ...that you-Huh? Wh-What? ...Oh no, not now!

The Scout backed up and hit a wall, but he didn't hit his back, he hit a can. He pulled out said can from his pocket and looked at it. "BONK! Atomic Punch"...that's it!

The Scout quickly tried to chug down the whole can, making him feel filled up with energy. Meanwhile, the Demoman was backing up, making sure none of the debris hits him. Just one click, and...


The whole top story was no more! Debris was falling, but among that debris was a lanky man falling from the sky, crash landing face-first into the ground. A hazy and wavy buzz was seen around him, slowly fading. The Scout slowly got up from the rush he just experienced, brushed himself off, and calmed himself.

Scout: Phew. Yeah, didn't even hurt!

Well, it was about to.

Demoman: Yaaaaaaaaargh!

Scout: What the?-...No, no, NO-


The Demoman charged in at the Scout and hit him with the Eyelander. With the force of the swing, the Scout's head was sliced off, and his body had been pushed back a bit. The Scout's head fell onto the decapitated body's chest, and with blood still running out.

KO! 6/8


The Spy spectated the battle from a distance, watching every single bit, even the explosion, Scout's death an all. He expected this to happen from the Scout, knowing how much of a loud mouth he is. But something smelled...a bit like fuel.

He turned behind him and noticed that the Pyro was slowly walking from afar, maybe about a few minutes behind. He had to finish off the Demoman in time for him to get to Pyro. So which person would be the best to confront him with...!

He's got it. A red glow appeared around the Spy, making him change appearance. His weapon changed too, making seem uncanny to the original. Finally, he walked up to the Demoman.

Spy (disguised as ???): C'mere, cupcake. I'm about to show you how war really is in hand to hand punching form!

He has taken form of the Soldier, as unknowingly to him he has already died, making this easier.

Demoman: Oh, so you finally found me, did you? Well then, I can't say no!

Good, the Spy was able to convince him to go into hand-to-hand combat. All he had to do was get him down and backstab him.

They charged at each other. The Spy tried to remain simple like the Soldier, but he couldn't help but pull a few extra moves when he was in danger. He eventually was triumphant, putting the Demoman in a lock of those you would see on pro-wrestling shows.

Spy (as Soldier): Any last words before I snap your neck into oblivion, you cyclops? Because I'm about to dominate you so hard your kin will-

That was his chance, but he felt a burning sensation among his back. Oh no, the Pyro showed up!

The Spy was burning for a few seconds, panicking in the fire as the Pyro began running up to the battle. He began spewing fire, not onto the others, but to the environment, setting it onto a blaze, circling around. By the time the Spy stopped burning, he revealed himself.

Demoman: Bloody hell? A spy!

Spy: But of course. Were you too drunk out of your mind to know that the dimwit doesn't fight like that?

The spy cloaked himself, running around rampant. Both the Demoman and the Pyro began searching for the Spy, setting traps and all. It all seemed hopeless until the Spy was eventually caught when his Inviswatch ran out of energy to hide him.

The Demoman used the last of his sticky bombs to set up traps, detonating them all. One of the blasts caught the Spy off guard, revealing himself AND blasting the Dead Ringer out of his hands for good.

Being nearby, the Pyro hit him with the Volcanic Fragment, setting him on fire yet again. With another axe, he wounded the burning man greatly, and even pushing him aside. The Demoman was done and ready to finish.

He filled up his last stock of grenades and fired two at the Spy. The explosion was strong enough to completely obliterate him to smithereens.

KO! 7/8


Now it was time for the final bout. Demoman shot two grenades at the Pyro. One he missed outright and the other he airblasted away before both exploded. He then shot up two others, one in the air first, and the other straight.

Pyro backed up and airblasted the grenade traveling through the air, meeting contact with the other grenade, of which both exploded. Now it was time to get close.

Grabbing his eyelander, the Demoman ran at the Pyro. He managed to keep the Demoman back by using his fire, albeit he had to dodge a few swings here and there. For some reason, the fire didn't burn the Demoman that much when he did manage to get hits in.

Bound to happen, the Pyro ran out of fuel, but he did improvise. On the last strike from the Eyelander, the flamethrower was used as a shield. The two weapons clashed, but the force was strong enough to break away the grasp of both weapons, making them push back a distance away from them.

All the Demoman had left was his shield and scrumpy, while the Pyro had an axe remaining. They dueled, each taking swings at each other. The Pyro eventually managed to hit the Demoman's leg with the back of the axe head in the knee.

In response, the clad Scottish warrior elbowed the Pyro in the stomach followed by a headbutt. The Pyro kept stepping back until he was cornered by a rock surrounded by the ongoing flames he has caused.

He had nowhere left to run, and the Demoman took this to his advantage. The final strike, the Demoman charged at the Pyro at full speed. The Pyro raised his axe overhead hoping to split the Demoman's head, and then something struck.


A weapon was dropped: an axe. The Demoman was successful, stabbing the Pyro in the chest with the spike attached onto the shield. Dropped onto his knees, he felt weary and close to blacking out.

The Demoman grabbed the axe from the scorching ground, held it upwards, and then made the final blow. He bludgeoned the axe into the Pyro's skull. It killed him instantly.


The Demoman was seen grabbing his Eyelander and leaving the fiery battlefield to collect his earnings.


(Cue Soldier of Dance)

Heavy: How could this happen?

Boomstick : God damn, now that's how you end a fight! Brutal and gruesome!

Wiz : While all the classes are insanely powerful, it was either set of either the Demoman's pure power or the Pyro's pure advantage lead against the others. But let's check the others first before we get to the big one.

Boomstick : We all knew the poor Medic would go down first. He's not the best in ranged combat and can be outclassed in melee weapons. It just had to be long enough before the poor doctor went down. He was never meant to be a fighter, only a team player.

Wiz : As for the poor Soldier, he was also a powerhouse, but his pure insanity and antics can get the best of him. Once he knew the Pyro reflected those three rockets, it was over for the poor American hero.

Boomstick : But the Heavy has insane power. If it weren't for the fact that he's an easy target and slow, he would've made it out higher onto the the ring, probably even the winner if he was lucky!

Wiz : The Engineer is a compatible opponent... with his machines working. Otherwise, he's only a decent fighter with tons of ammo to use. It was only a matter of time until the Spy managed to sabotage his victory and end him for good by countering with Sappers and other distractions. He's also a team player, yet he's more versatile and capable of bringing up a fair fight.

Boomstick : Then there's the Australian outback man. He had a nice run, but his spot would be found sooner or later. Since he isn't that suit for close-ranged battle, he didn't have much to fight for. If only he changed spots once and a while, he may have been never spotted. Not to mention that the Mad Milk had given off a more disadvantage to the Sniper once it had been thrown at him.

Wiz : The Scout is a quick kid, which gave him an easy advantage against the whole team. His downfall came from both his frail body and his over the top attitude getting the best of him.

Boomstick : Before we move on to the final match, there lies the Spy. His cloaks and tactics were truly antagonizing to the others, but the Pyro's fire could've easily tracked him down. All that was needed was a finishing blow that would be even worse than the numerous times he cheated death.

Wiz : Now for the final bout, Demoman vs. Pyro. The Pyro does have an advantage against the Demoman at the start by being able to reflect his bombs, but he has no way to counter the Demoknight.

Boomstick : Not to mention that the Chargin' Targe not only resists fire, but it also makes Demo immune to the afterburn effect, giving him more of the edge considering he nerfed Pyro's only way of keeping a high damage output. So it looks like when you split the team, only one Scottish savior will come out on top!

Wiz : The winner is the Demoman

This is Scarlet_Vampire_Flan495's version of this battle, given permission by the current adopter.


Wiz:First up is The Scout, The Speediest Of the 9 And Also the Underdog.

Boomstick:UNDERDOG MY ASS, Scouts Main Weapons Are Speed, and His Signature Double Jump and to Use as Fire Power, We are giving Him 4 Sets, Like the Game grants you.

Wiz:Set 1 Is His Default Scattergun, Pistol and Bat, all are Meh other then the Scattergun, That thing SERIOUSLY Helps when Fighting Bigger foes, Set 2 is The Shortstop, PBPP, and The Wrap Assasin, A very Decent Set that Lacks True Firepower.

Boomstick:Set 3 is Baby Face Blaster, Bonk Atomic Punch, & The Sandman, The Baby Face Blaster Starts Slowing Scout down, But then Ramps up his speed by about 90%! The Bonk Atomic Punch Makes Him To Fast to Hit, although He doesn't Feel Like Shooting then, and Finally the Sandman Stuns Bitches, and at the Longest range Stuns ANYONE for ABOUT 60 Seconds, But Scouts Strongest Set is His Last One, Set Four, He Has The Force of Nature, The Winger, & The Atomizer, This Set is A Very Aerial Set, Used More for Sneak Attacks, but when Used Right, It can Deck Even Sentries.

Wiz:Scouts Biggest Feats Are Being Quite Clever When it comes to Pressure Points, Being able to Kill a Heavy with just a Metal Bat with Only 3 hits, and Outsmarting the Bread Monster, which Takes Guts, however, Hes Very Frail, And some of his Attacks Lower his HP. But still, hes One to Not Be Messed With

"Scout:I Am The Scout Here!"


Wiz:The Soldier is A Very Masterful Strongarms Man, However, his Brains Cripple Him.

Boomstick:He's Already a Master at Firearms though, Also His 4 Sets!

Wiz:First is His Default Rocket Launcher, Shotgun and Shovel, all very Generic other than His Rockets, Which grant him a Ability ROCKET JUMP. which grants him a Very Powerful Jump which grants him the Ability to sneak Attack which His Shovel. Set 2 is Rocket Jumper, Manstread and The Escape Plan, The Rocket Jump makes him Easier to use his Rocket Jump but useless in Fighting, the Escape plan is a Suicide Plan.

Boom:Set 3 is The Original, The Reserve Shooter, & Finally The Equalizer, but His Best Move Set is Easily Cowmangler 9000 The Rightous Bison and The Half Zatochi. They are All Incredibly Powerful, and Can easily Kill Many, Like Soldier did During the War.

Wiz:But...That Brain of his MIGHT Just Kill him.

"Soldier:And anytime that Many animals are Together its Called a ZOO!...Unless its a FARM!"


Wiz:Oh Boy, Pyro, The Pyromaniac, is Crazy.

Boomstick:No, How about FUCKING PSYCHO?! Anyway Pyro Has 4 Sets like the Rest, His Shotgun Flamethrower and Fire Axe, All but the Flamethrower suck. the Flamethrower though can Use Compression Blasts, which is Basically a REFLECTOR.

Wiz:Set 2 is Phlogistinator, Flare Gun, & Powerjack, which Enables Pyro to use a Very Powerful Rage Mode, One which FULLY Heals Him! But No Reflector. Set Three is Degreaser, Detonator, & Neon Annihlator. the Detonator Grants him a Flare Jump, Which is A Mini rocket Jump.

Boomstick:Set 4 is Phlog, Detonator and Powerjack, Why? Combined these 3 For a Devastating Weapon combo, But...Pyros Locosy might end him...but nothing is more deadly than Pyro...other than his Dream.



Boomstick:Wiz is Busy, so ITS MY TURN!

Boomstick:Demoman is A Basically Black Version of Me, And Only has 1 Eye, But He doesn't Care too Much if He joined this War, He has Set 1 The Grenade Launcher, Sticky Bomb Launcher and A Bottle of Scumpy, Set 2 is his Last Normal Set, And He Has the Base Jumper Which Slows His Decent, A Sticky Jumper, and The Bottle Again, But this is When Demo Gets Serious, And Goes into a Know Form.

Boomstick:DEMOKNIGHT, Which Is FUCKING BADASS. His 1st Set For this Is The Base Jumper, Tide Turner and The Mini Version of the Horsemans Axe, And Finally His Strongest Set, Eyelander, Tide Turner, And Little Shoes, which Improves his Charge By 1000-Fold!

Wiz: However, This Guy Has A Weakness, His Eye, and his Drunkness, however, It doesn't Cripple him, and In fact, that's how he battles in War. so Sober him Up, He gets A LOT More Skilled.

Boomstick : AH! How'd you get back?!

"Demoman:Oh there Gonna have to Glue you back together...IN HELL!"


Wiz: Heavy Weapons Guy is the master of assaults and is the powerhouse of the 9 classes

Boomstick: He can annihilate anyone dumb enough to piss him off. And that may be partially due to his gear of extremely powerful weaponry

Wiz: While he is no stranger to hand to hand combat and is still a powerhouse in that regard. He does have some guns to his disposal including shotguns and miniguns. The Brass Beast can deal insane damage within seconds killing any ordinary human as long as they aren't too fast. But his gloves of running urgently can fix that by increasing his speed!

Boomstick: His Warrior sprit can increase his hand to hand combat strength and his holiday punch can make the target laugh so hard it renders them paralyzed for a few seconds. When injured the sandvich heals him up and the showdown can kill any normal human in one shot with the flick of his wrist. How the hell does that work?

Wiz: But his deadliest weapon in his arsenal is the Huo-Long Heater which not only fires bullets at 40 rounds per second but also surrounds the heavy in a ring of flames damaging anyone foolish enough to stand next to him.

Boomstick: The only downside to his minigun arsenal is they only last a few seconds of usage and he won't have any ammo left. But he'll still accomplish incredible feats. Including taking out an army of robots, and being able to kill the wizard merasmus and surviving a killer carnival filled with deadly go-kart games wait what the fu-

Wiz: Of course with any brute his speed is sorely lacking without the gloves of running urgently & he's reliant on a medic to aid him during combat but he's still got what it takes

Boomstick: Heavy will whip those babies into shape!

"Heavy: You are so small it's funny to me!"


Wiz: Dell Conagher is a soft-spoken Texan man with plenty of smarts.

Boomstick: He does machines.

Wiz: You're... getting a little ahead of me, here. Anyway, as the grandson of the great inventor Radigan Conagher, Dell was a prodigy in his grandfather's work. Following ten years in the Texan oilfields, he was capable of designing all kinds of machinery, and soon was able to continue his grandfather's work and exceed him,

Boomstick: Then eventually, he became part of the nine-man RED Team to take part against the BLU Team. Because someone had to be the genius of the bunch!

Wiz: As it turns out, Dell is surprisingly gifted in the ways of violence. His joining of the RED Team lead to more gun-based slaughter and mechanical tinkering.

Boomstick: Before long, he was capable of building four different types of buildings! His most iconic is his Sentry Gun, which goes "bang-bang-bang" and then there's no more of his opponents! His dispenser is able to heal any team-mates who are standing near it as well as supplying them an infinite amount of ammo, and his teleporter entrance and exit allow team-mates to get to the front lines faster!

Wiz: With enough metal, the Engineer is capable of upgrading his buildings to up to Level 3, which increases their capabilities. The dispenser allows more ammo packs and better healing, whereas teleporters have lower cooldown times. But the one that benefits the most from upgrades is his Sentry Gun.

Boomstick: Even a Level 2 Sentry Gun has its single-barrelled turret replaced by two revolving machine turrets! But at Level 3, this thing gets a glorious, and I mean GLORIOUS, little add-on - a small box at the top for firing QUAD-ROCKETS at foes! That's gotta be a firework's worth of pain!

Wiz: Well... give or take a few... hundred. Anyway, his buildings are technological, and in that case would have a weakness to water--

Boomstick: Which I think is absolute bullshit in this case! I mean, what do you call what is happening RIGHT HERE other than building Sentry Guns in water?

Wiz: Regardless of location, it seems the Engineer has no problems finding a location for his buildings, even underwater. He only has difficulties building on rough ground, requiring a flat enough surface to be able to support his machines.

Boomstick: Good thing he can pack up his stuff in an instant and haul it around as if it is second nature!

Wiz: But even with his machines waging his wars, Dell is perfectly willing to step onto the front line himself.

Boomstick: His own little personal armoury includes his trusty old shotgun, his pistol with 200 rounds worth of shootin', and a stock wrench to upgrade his buildings with. Then for his buildings, he has his handy-dandy PDAs, one for building them, and one for destroying them!

Wiz: He also appears to hold some of his grandfather's previous technology, such as the Wrangler, a device that allows for manual control of the Sentry Gun as well as offering it a defensive shield, as well as the Gunslinger, a robotic hand that replaces the Sentry Gun with a smaller Combat Mini-Sentry.

Boomstick: And how did he get to use it? HE SAWED OFF HIS OWN FUCKING ARM! That is some hardcore dedication! Not to mention this little beauty has a ripcord that, when pulled, does this...

Engineer pulls the ripcord on the Gunslinger and performs his Organ Grinder taunt kill.

Boomstick: Like Wiz when he just wants to go to the bathroom!

Wiz: Yea-HEY! *Robotic arm punch*

Boomstick: Worth it! Also ow, my arm!

Wiz: Anyway... like all members of the team, the Engineer can tap into a critical boost chance. As it is completely random, it can occur at any time. However, some weapons such as the Wrangler and Gunslinger do not get this boost.

Boomstick: Not that it matters in the second case, since three consecutive punches will give a critical hit guaranteed! Just like how I perform in bar brawls.

Wiz: Not really. Anyway, the Engineer's genius and tactical mind makes for an extraordinary member of the team. He's strong enough to haul his buildings around effortlessly, been able to continue his grandfather's work and research, and has designed all kinds of products for the team, still continuing to advance his knowledge to this day.

Boomstick: Unfortunately, every genius has its setbacks, and Dell's no different. He's more dependent on his machines to do the killing for him, and even then they require a metal supply in order to build, repair and upgrade. And not to mention it takes a HELL of a long time to get to Level 3 buildings in mid-combat!

The Engineer begins to play his guitar as his Sentry Guns take out more and more members of the BLU Team.


Wiz:Ahh, The Medic, The Most Ironically Sadistic of them All, But what He does Is Heal, although He Can and Will Resist Death.

Boomstick:His Medigun is So Strong he Can Revive Himself! But Now For Medics 3 Sets.

Wiz:Set one is His Default, And All 3 use a Medigun, That Also Holds Ubercharges, or Heal Shields, Set 2 Is Crusaders Crossbow, The Quickfix, and the Cousience Thinker, which Grants him the Ability to See How well his Foe is Doing in health, But Medic has his Strongest Set..Set 3

Boomstick:Blutsager LITERALLY Means Bloodsucker in German, The Medigun, and Finally the Subersawm which Grants him the Ability to Gain ubers from using it.\

Wiz:But...He is Very Frail, Just as Frail as Many others he works with, But with His Weapons that May Not Matter.

Medic:Lets go Practice...Medicine...


Wiz:The Sniper is most certainly a skilled Sniper specializing in hiding & headshots

Cues Sniper headshotting a heavy

Boomstick: He has himself a Sniper Rifle which does amazing damage when landing a headshot!

Wiz: However that's nowhere near his best Rifle as he wields The Machina

Boomstick: What is it like a Deus Ex Machina?

Wiz: No it actually pierces through the opponent when fully charged but gives a clear and easily traceable line

Boomstick: But if he needs more quiet the Hitman's Heatmaker will do just that!

Wiz: Of course that's just referring to his snipers, if he needs something less long ranged he has an SMG and a Kukiri which can stab right through a Spy's chest

Boomstick: Or he could use the Tribalman's Shiv which gives his opponents a bleeding effect although without as much power

Wiz: And then there's the Razorback which protects a stab in the back but it's only for one use, also there's the Jara-

Boomstick: that?

Wiz: Yes, yes it is

Boomstick: HAHAHAH! Is he gonna "piss" people off with that!?

Wiz: Ugh..the Jarate helps Sniper find opponents camouflaged and even cloaked.

Boomstick: Oh, I take back what I said.

Wiz: The Sniper is very determined. As he has been able to last for hours just looking for the opponent to snipe.

Boomstick: All just waiting it out with a cup of coffee.

Wiz: Also he has been able to quickly take out 2 opponents without much effort. He's also assassinated the Engineer and the Scout.

Boomstick: Yes I've been avenged!!

Wiz: However he isn't invincible as he is very vulnerable to attacks when he's zoomed in with his sniper rifle.

Boomstick: But even then he's still very well experienced, patient & deadly.

Sniper: Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.


Wiz: The Spy is a very skilled assassin, cutting through people with a butterfly knife and remain undetected by many.

Boomstick: The Spy wields a butterfly knife which while is a good weapon is nowhere near his best. So he has The Spycicle to freeze opponents or the Your Eternal Reward which is best for stealthy situations

Wiz: However he has the cloak which can make him invisible unless he bumps into someone. Or gets shot

Boomstick: Or a bunch of other things.

Wiz: However he also has the L'Etranger which increases cloak time but still is able to shoot at people but without top damage

Boomstick: Don't worry for a second! The enforcer & ambassador fix that real quick!

Wiz: Also he's a master at playing dead with the Dead Ringer as it turns him invisible but leaves a fake corpse behind, leaving the perfect opportunity to attack

Boomstick: Trust me, The Spy is a monster in combat. He fought the entire BLU team on his own and won, killed his celljmate Joey Murders with a toothbrush and seduced scout's mo-HAHA!

Wiz: I was trying to forget about that one..anyway Spy isn't perfect, he's far from an expert in direct combat and he isn't the best durability wise.

Boomstick: Hell, he's the class with the worst durability in that regard. But don't piss him off, because he's right behind you

Spy: You got blood on my suit.

Death Battle![]

It Was Finally Over, The War Was Over, The RED Team was At 2Fort Celebrating There Victory, Until Redtarch Tells them only One of them Will Get the Reward he Had for them, All of them Glare at each other, No Longer Allies, All but The Heavy And Medic, They All Knew the Battle Had Only Begun Now, and All ran To different Parts of the Stage.


Although a New War has Begun The Heavy and Medic Stuck together and Began searching Around, while Demo hid in BLUs old Base with stickys Near Most doors, However these were No Problem for the Soldier who made it through ease, And The Two Ex-Friends Glared at Each other, And The Become Shooting Rockets and Grenades respectively, While the Scout hid in RED Base, why? cause he KNew the engie was RIght outside, he wasnt Stupid.

Meanwhile The Pyro was hiding in the Sewers, Knowing Either the Sniper or Spy would Show up, but just to be sure hid in a Spot neither may be able to See him in, while in reality, the Spy rushed to to the Top of the Roofs of to Fort using his Knives as Climbing toolsm although it took him forever, and Saw the Panting Sniper, Readying to Pick everyone off.

Sniper:Wave goodbye to your Head...wanker..

BUt before he could the Spy tried to shove the Sniper, who dodged and Began Slashing with his Kukuri Blade while Spy dodged with his cloaks, while the Snipers sniper nudged and shot heavys chest.

Heavy:Medic! Medic:Yavol! And with That Heavy began Healing as they Walked towards The Abandoned BLU Base, as As they Do Soldier Kicks Demo to the Floor and Grins.

Soldier:If we Go down We Go Together! Soldier Then Ripped on of his Grenades off his Coat and began to jam it into Demos Mouth, who pushed it Out and Did the Same to Soldier, and Ran as The Mercenary Exploded.

Demo:DOMINATED!...but your still my friend..


KO 1!

Demoman Stood up and began to Prepare something for the Heavy Medic Duo, as Sniper And Spy still Fought, But As The Sniper Cuts Spys Head off, the Sniper Seemed to Have Lost his Rifle, so He Brings out the Machina, and Begins Looking for Foes...until the Dead Runged Spy Backstabs Him and Tosses him out the Roof and Uses his Body as a Safe Spot.

Spy:You Disgust me.

KO 2!

As That Happened the Heavy and Medic Charged Through a Bomb Filled Room via the Uber Charge and Saw Demo Laughing as The Headed towards Him,


The Bo,mbs Explodes and the Duo (More Heavy, Medic is Still intact) Was Killed, Causing the Demo to Cheer as He Walked upstairs, Ready to face the Rest.


Or Was It? the Medigun began to heal One of the Corpses and...The Medic was Alive once More, as He Mourned Heavily Quickly and Began doing a Quick Surgery on himself.

KO 3!

Engie:Come on Out Boy! The Engie was Getting Angered, He Knew Scout Could'nt Survive So he ran to Scout, but as He did, He Heard a Dreadful Noise, A Sound...of Sapping, the Spy had Completely Sapped His Machines

Engie:Sentry! Dispenser! The Engie Saw Spy Run, but he Bumped into Someone..The Pyro, Who Laughed as he Chased The Spy into a Corner, And Burned The Spy Alive.

Spy:Agh!!!! Pyro:Mm Mm!!

KO 4!

The Pyro Ran off to the BLU Base, to Finish off the Rest that May Be there, as Engie Took of his Glove to Reveal the Slinger, as He Deflected Demos Skullcutter, and Uppercutted the Scottish Man, and Laughed As He Began to Punch the Man, and then the Engie took out the Wrangler Grinned.

Engie:And another Thing..Your Ug- The Engies Head Suddenly Blew up as Did the Mini Sentry, As The Scout handed the Demo a Medipack, and Smirked.

Scout:Me, You, Quick Alliance, What Do ya Say?

The Demo Had No Choice, he Shook Scouts Hand, and Heard a Dreadful Muffled Cackle and Saw The Pyro Burning and Holding a fiery Medic Head


The Two Were Alarmed, But Demogot up and Charged Straight For the Pyro Who Flare Jumped over Demo and Landed on his Shoulders, and Then Axed Demos Head, And Then Looked Right at Scout who Double Shoots Pyro into the air, Barely Leaving Pyro Alive as Scout Rushed Into Pyro and Pyro did To as the Screen Went Black, when the Screen came Back, only One stood Up, The PYRO.


Pyro walked off Carrying the Billion He Earned, as The Others Hearts are Put into Robots.


Boomstick:HOW IN THE FUCK?!

Wiz:Boomstick...We Both Know Why The Winner is the Winner.

Boomstick:First was The Soldier, Whose Stupidity was the #1 Reason He Lost, He Barely Uses Grenades to Throw, and Only uses them as Suicide Moves.

Wiz:Then The Sniper, Whose Terrible at Close Range, and Is Definite Spy Food.

Boomstick:And Then theres The Heavy, who although Can Stop a Train, Is Nothing to Snipers And Demos After his Head. neither is the Medic...but He was Clever enough to Ditch the Heavy at the Last Moment, making sure he didnt Blow to bits, ensuring His Revival Via his Medigun.

Wiz:The Spies Also Doomed from the Start, As Pyros Know Spies Left AND Right, Which Means He Could make Really Good Work of Spy. and The Engies More Relaxed, Making him easy Pickings If Distracted and Teamed on, Which Brings us To Pyro, Medic, Demoman, and Scout. these four had the highest chances Of Winning, but The Pyro BARELY Took the Cake Against Demo & Scout. Like with Pokemon, there are ab out 460000 Results to this Fight, And Demo/Scout barely lost by 1%.

Wiz:Scout Won BARELY Due to the Fact that Even When underpressure, He Usually Stays Calm, And he can kill the Most DURABLE Team Member in 3 Hits From JUST his Bat.

Boomstick:Looks Like The Pyro Turned Everyones Victories to Ashes.

Wiz:The Winner is Pyro.

Remember that this is Scarlet_Vampire_Flan495's battle and not the original adopter's results. Then again, I'm not the one who just went to the very bottom just to skip the analysis, now did I?

TF2 Merc's clash

TF2 Battle Royal is a Death Battle by The Irish VS Writer


Season 1 Episode 20! The Mercs of TF2 Clash in a battle to the death! Who wins and who gets blown to bloody bits!


(Death Battle-Wiz and Boomstick)

Wiz: War, It's a subject that people really don't wanna talk about and how can you blame them? People have died by the hundreds just to fight for two countries who are just sitting on their arses doing nothing!

Boomstick: But in Video-Games - This subject is rarely ever censored. Like in the genre of First Person Shooter Genre, With such Games like Overwatch, Call of Duty and all those games. But one game reigns supreme over all the others Team Fortress 2, Mainly because of its sound gameplay and amazing characters.

Wiz: So today, we are gonna have all these well-written Characters battle to the Death!

Boomstick: The Scout, The Boston Basher!

Wiz: The Demoman, The only Black, Scottish Cyclops in gaming!

Boomstick: The Engineer, The Texas Ranger!

Wiz: The Medic, The Psychotic Doctor!

Boomstick: The Sniper, The Australian Hunter!

Wiz: The Spy, The Backstabbing French Fry!

Boomstick: The Heavy, The Russian Mow-Down Man!

Wiz: The Pyro, The Flame Obsessed Pyromaniac!

Boomstick: And The Soldier, The Rocket Launching Captain of America!

Wiz: While these Nine Men are essentially the greatest team in Gaming while together, But on their own who is the most deadly, Anyway we will only use each class' basic weaponry and none of their other weapons, Anyway It's time for us to find out who would win...A DEATH BATTLE!!!


(Faster than a Speeding Bullet - 17 seconds on loop)

Wiz: Born in Boston Massachusetts, Jeremy was the youngest and runt of his eight siblings. Sadly, for him, Jeremy didn't ever make it to the fight as he was way...too slow!

Boomstick: So Jeremy decided to solve the problem by running...and running and running! Until he was fast enough to not only make it to the fights but was the first one to get there. Jesus! Imagine if real life was like this, You weak? lift weights till you get strong!

Wiz: is...It's something called practice...

Boomstick: Oh is that right! I thought that was just a thing that teachers said to me just to annoy me! I guess I better get going and apologise to all their families...

Wiz: Jesus what the fuck is your childhood, anyway, Jeremy decided to get a better nickname, The Scout!

Boomstick: Yeah...The Scout sounds better than Jeremy in combat!

Wiz: For once your actually right! Anyway, Scout was hired to join the Red Team...and the Blue Team for some reason it's never explained!

Boomstick: It's Cloning Wiz, I saw it in an S.F.M video!

Wiz: That's fan made but that could make some sense! Anyway, Scout was hired to fight in a war of Mercenaries for a plot of land, And even though he's the second shortest man on the field, You can bet he's gonna be the first one on the scene and the last one to leave!

(Night of the Living Bread)

Boomstick: It's no wonder that Scout has survived for so long despite his lanky frame, He's got some good toys on him. First of all, Scout has his Scattergun which is his standard Shotgun, It Delivers ten pellets per shot and can fire 6 shots before needing to be reloaded. Which is a Bitch since one shot from The Scatter Gun can deal about 60 Damage and with a Crit it deals 180 Damage, oof that outta hurt!

Wiz: While Scout's main pistol may not be as strong as The Scatter Gun - it can still a pretty good weapon, It can fire 12 times before needing to be reloaded oh and it can shoot 6 rounds a second!

Boomstick: This Thing can hit pretty damn hard since a base shot does about 15 Damage and a critical hit will see the damage go all the way to 45, Yeesh! While that thing is obviously not strong as The Scattergun I would rather not get shot by that thing! But if Scout doesn't have any ammo left he has his trusty Baseball Bat!

Wiz: While from the outside in you'd probably think that is a strange startegy in combat against people with Machine Guns and Rocket Launchers but it is suprisingly effective since he can actually knock out a Blu Soldier, Can send people flying 85 feet away with just one swing- He can deal just about With 35 damage in base hits and 105 as a critical hit, it is a weapon I would not like to go against.

Boomstick: But if thing get bad for Scout he always has his Bonk Atomic Punch which is...just a can of knock off Coca-Cola, really Wiz? What can this thing actually do and why are we mentioning it

Wiz: Oh Don't underestimate Bonk! First of all, it contains 11 Pounds of Sugar which is enough to kill a normal human being, It allows him to not take damage for a grand total of 8 seconds! He Has to wait a 24-second cooldown time before he can have another, and sadly he can't use weapons during this. So yeah does that answer your question Boomstick?

Boomstick: Oh yeah it does and you know the way he's drinking 11 Pounds of Sugar, well you need to be very fucking tough and for a guy who has the second smallest amount of Health in the game he can tank quite a lot, he can survive getting hit by three rockets at once even while he was still injured.

Wiz: He was able to beat the shit out of a Blu Heavy, in close range and he was even pulled by the neck by Saxton Hale a guy who can punch with enough force to blow up a Yeti and who can casually punch with the force of 2,751 Pounds per square inch.

Boomstick: Holy Shit, This guy is a tough fucker!

Wiz: But even with all this - Scout isn't perfect, His Durability is nothing compared to his teammates, He can be very Brash and Arrogant and he is actually scared of Pyro and Rainbows make him cry! Oh and Spy is fucking his Ma! so that's not great.

Boomstick: But still even with all his weaknesses don't count out Scout, as he truly is...A Force of Nature!

Scout: If you were from where I was from, you'd be f**kin' dead!

Heavy is on the ground trying to reach for his Sandvich but Scout runs up the side of a container, jumps off and slams his bat into Heavy's head.

Scout: WOOO!


(Drunken Pipe Bomb)

Wiz: Hailing from Ullapool, Scotland to a poor family, Tavish De Groot from his early years was obsessed with explosions!

Boomstick: What's wrong with that? Me and Micahel Bay love that shit!

Wiz: I can't even begin to explain why that's wrong! Anyway, Tavish was always obsessed with explosions, He was so obsessed with explosions that he tried to blow up the feckin' Loch Ness Monster, but sadly this explosion killed his adoptive parents, This was all when he was six years old, SIX!

Boomstick: What a kid, I wish my son was like this kid, Not a little dumbarse!

Wiz: You have a son?

Boomstick: Oh Yeah! His name is Broomstick, and he is a complete dickhead, Like son, I don't care that you got a College Degree!

Wiz: Father of the year folks, anyway, He was taken to a school for orphans where he learned Rs of Rigging Explosives, Recklessness and really wanting to kill the Loch Ness Monster - If you can guess this is where he learnt all he knows about explosives

Boomstick: But things didn't last too long as he learnt by his parents that it was the way of the Demoman to be abandoned!

Wiz: So he's like you!


Wiz: Wait, Wait! Let's keep going, Demoman is really one of the most threatening members of the team despite his Drunkenness!

(It Hates Me So Much)

Boomstick: I swear Wiz after this episode I'm gonna drop you! As a Demoman, Tavish has got quite a lot of explosive weapons on him such as his Grenade Launcher, This thing obviously can shoot grenades at 49 miles per hour and it detonates around 3 seconds after it is fired and when it detonates, Boy it detonates and leaves a lot of damage!

Wiz: This thing usually does about 100 Damage in base shots but when you add on the crits he can cause 300 Damage! But if it hits after bouncing then it only does between 60 damage and 180.

Boomstick: (Mocking Phil Swift) Holy Shit! That's a lot of Damage

Wiz: And despite looking like the grenade launcher can fire six grenades before needing to reload, it actually only can fire four.

Boomstick: Demoman also has his most common secondary weapon, The Sticky Bomb Launcher. This thing is where Demoman gets his identity, So basically this thing shoots sticky bombs which he can use to put on doorways, As you can guess if someone walks on the doorway then BOOM it's spaghetti time!

Wiz: This Sticky Bomb Launcher fired at around speeds of around 34 miles per hour and he can lay up to eight stickies before needing to reload, and as Boomstick mentioned they cause a lot of damage to any unlucky sap who walks on them, Base explosions cause 103 Damage and Crit's cause 138 Damage!

Boomstick: With these explosives, Tavish can do one of the most badass things I have ever seen, He uses it to jump even higher to the point where he looks like he is flying. This Mother Fucker has balls!

Wiz: Especially since it nearly takes half of his health!

Boomstick: Crazy Mother Fucker! Anyway, Like every class in the game Demo has his own melee weapon, While it may just look like a bottle of alcohol, Well it is but he uses it like Grand Pappy Boomstick would beat people over the head with it so hard that it can cause 65 Damage, While it is strong and all it's not as strong as when Grand Pappy Boomstick would hit me when I was a child!

Wiz: But even with all his strength and explosive weaponry, Demo isn't perfect. For one he's a severe Alcoholic to the point where he could drink Beth Smith under the table but when you add on the fact that he has only one eye makes it very easy to sneak up on him and potentially flanking him.

Boomstick: But those mother fuckers better be prepared for a fight full of explosions and raining body parts!

Demoman: So! T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure. Prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the ol' brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end!

The Engineer[]

(More Gun)

Wiz: Born in Bee Cave, Texas. It was obvious that Dell Conagher was talented at building machines since he has received 11 P.H.D's!

Boomstick: HOLY SHIT!! Is that even possible?

Wiz: While for a real's impossible, however since he was born into a family full of Engineers from his Grandfather Radigan Conagher who invented a way for people to live longer and Fred his father who is the Engineer of Team Fortress Classic...which is a real team in the TF2 Universe!

Boomstick: Anyway, like all the other classes he was hired by Redman and his Brother Blutarch Mann but unlike many other of the classes in this fight, he isn't always the first man on the scene, in fact, he is the guy who is guarding the team's base.

Wiz: Engineer's mechanical genius allows him to battle against these stronger classes thanks to his weaponry and his many 'building' options.

(Mercenary Park)

Boomstick: Yeah Engineer has a class arsenal on him, like his stock shotgun. His shotgun usually carries 32 bullets with 6 bullets in each clip which would be pretty damn painful since a regular shot can do 60 damage and with those oh so common crits he can do 180 Damage!

Wiz: With the damage it does, the stock shotgun is used in an up-close battle to chip away at his opponent and he would then finish him off with his stock pistol.

Boomstick: The pistol fires a lot faster than a regular pistol that's for sure, Firing shots at the opponent with rapid-fire which makes it better since he can reload a lot quicker.

Wiz: The pistol also has a capacity of holding 12 shots which as we mentioned he can breeze through in a short amount of time, he also has the wrench is a great melee weapon if his opponents get a little too close to him as obviously, it has a blade on the top of it.

Boomstick: But the wrench can also be used to build his buildings.

Wiz: These buildings have made Engineer famous and a sheer threat towards the other classes and his most powerful buildings is his oh so powerful sentry.

Boomstick: This thing makes me really happy inside, Like seriously I would love to just hold onto that thing and mow down a whole army of eejits who try and fight me.

Wiz: Em...yeah, Well, The sentry is a single-barreled gun that has 150 health and it does take 130 metal to build so basically he will need to be careful not to use up all the metal.

Boomstick: With its massive flurry of bullets and auto-aim, The Sentry Gun is basically Scout's mains greatest fear as within a few seconds many classes just fall to the floor and when Engineer levels it up these sentry's gain the ability to shoot rockets along with bullets.

Wiz: The Dispensers allow him to heal himself and teammates along with giving him metal to build more sentries and any other buildings and the teleporter allows him to do what exactly you think it can do.

Boomstick: Sadly even without all of his great weapons and buildings, Engineer is not perfect in the slightest. He isn't really the best fighter in the entire game and is not really a guy you would see on the front lines because of...Scouts...

Wiz: And if he runs out of metal he will not be able to build buildings.

Boomstick: Still even with all of his flaws, Engineer is one man you should not mess with even with his calm and collected nature he is one man who will leave you in pieces if you step into his base.

Engineer: Take this Heavy Caliber, tripod-mounted little ol' number designed by me. Built by me. And you'd best hope, not pointed at you...

The camera suddenly pans out as suddenly we see the bloody bodies of all the classes that lie in front of the two sentry guns, both of them still firing at unseen targets with bullets and rockets.

The Medic[]

The Sniper[]

The Spy[]

The Heavy[]

The Pyro[]

The Soldier[]




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Team Fortress 2 Battle Royale