| Cthulhu vs. Melkor | |
|---|---|
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| Season 5, Episode 1 | |
| Air date | January 31, 2020 |
| Written by | I'm Lynda |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Ass Blaster (Tremors) vs. Velociraptor (Jurassic Park) |
Next Dash and Violet vs. Lash and Speed |
Cthulhu vs. Melkor is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Cthulhu from H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos, and Melkor from J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings books.
Description[]
It’s Lovecraft versus Tolkien when we bring Cthulhu and Melkor together and make them fight!
Interlude[]
Velma Dinkley: Dark gods, evil reality warpers that make life a living hell for mere mortals.
Egon Spengler: Like Cthulhu, H.P. Lovecraft’s Great Dreamer.
Velma: And, like Melkor, J.R.R. Tolkien’s darkest of dark lords.
Egon: But, what happens when they come together?
Velma: I’m Velma Dinkley, of Mysteries, Inc.
Egon: And I am Dr. Egon Spengler, of the Ghostbusters
Velma: We are serving as special guest hosts for this very special Death Battle.
Egon: We are experts in the field of the occult, and that is why we have been brought in to analyze the combatants, their weapons, armor and skills, and determine who would win a Death Battle.
Cthulhu[]
Velma Dinkley: Before there was anything remotely resembling human beings, there were the Outer Gods, a group of ancient deities who were unbelievable powerful and unimaginably alien. These beings are beyond human comprehension, and humanity is beneath their notice. They appear simultaneously malevolent and uncaring to humans, in the way that a man walking down the street appears simultaneously malevolent and yet uncaring to the ants that he steps on.
Egon Spengler: And, alongside these Outer Gods are a group of unimaginably powerful entities called the Great Old Ones. You may think of them as “gods” if it helps your understanding of them. They are not quite as powerful as the Outer Gods, but neither are they as remote. They are clearly Class 7 Entities, and very inimical to human life.
Velma: While the Outer Gods are generally beyond caring about individuals, or civilizations or even worlds, the Great Old Ones move between worlds, moving whole civilizations like toys to be played with and then discarded. Fortunately for us, most of the Outer Gods and Great Old Ones fell into a death-like sleep, with only their dreams affecting our reality, usually for the worse...the much worse.
Egon: Now, the most well-known of the Great Old Ones is an entity known by the name of Cthulhu. Cthulhu was born on the planet Vhoorl, in the twenty-third nebula, the spawn of Nug, a spawn of Shub-Niggurath and Yog-Sothoth. At some point he travelled to the binary star of Xoth, and spawned descendants there of his own.
Velma: Dr. Spengler...
Egon: Call me Egon.
Velma: Sure, Egon! I just wanted to point out that you used the word “spawn” because these creatures are beyond the simple notions of male and female, and they do not create descendants the way that more normal creatures do.
Egon: That’s right. Later, Cthulhu, his children, and a race known as the “star-spawn of Cthulhu” travelled to Saturn, and approximately 350 million years ago they travelled to Earth, where they warred with a race called the Ender Things. Eventually, an agreement was reached, dividing the Earth, and later Cthulhu lapsed into unconsciousness in the sunken city of R’lyeh.
Velma: Sadly, Cthulhu has his followers; worshippers who are working towards the day when Cthulhu will reawaken, and stride the Earth once more.
Egon: Now, Cthulhu has a strong suite of powers. First and foremost he can warp reality with a thought. And with Cthulhu’s thoughts being so twisted and alien, the reality he creates is nothing short of insane. Indeed, even looking at him is enough to drive most people insane.
Velma: He appears to be huge, described as being as tall as a mountain. He has wings, which presumably means that he can fly. And, he can work magic.
Egon: He also has the telepathic ability to enter men’s minds, and affect their thoughts and actions, often driving them to one level of insanity or another.
Velma: And, he has the ability to regenerate. However, it does appear that he can be harmed by mundane weapons, like when being rammed by a sailing ship seemed to cause him some damage.
Egon: Therefore, Cthulhu does appear to be somewhat below godlike in his power, but he in nonetheless a formidable adversary.
Melkor[]
Velma Dinkley: In the time before time, the creator-god, Eru Iluvatar, created the Ainur. These somewhat lesser beings were his emanations, his servants, his companions, and his co-creators of the world.
Egon Spengler: The greatest of the Ainur was Melkor, who had the most power and the most knowledge.
Vekma: Like all of the Aunir, Melkor knew that Iluvatar was going to create the world, and Melkor was impatient to get on with it. As such, he began to wander the Outer Void, the “Outside,” searching for the Flame Imperishable, Iluvatar’s power of creation.
Egon: Whatever Melkor found in the Void, it was not the power of creation, but it turned him strange to the other Ainur. And when the Ainur sang the world of Arda into creation, Melkor wove many alien and discordant themes into the music.
Velma: And when Arda was finished, a number of the Ainur entered the world, and became the Valar. Melkor was the greatest of the Valar, but the rest chose to follow Manwë, who was more in tune with Eru Iluvatar.
Egon: Melkor became the enemy of the Valar, and when the elves, the first-born of Iluvatar, arrived, he immediately seized all of them that he could find, and used his magic to torture and twist them into the creatures known as orcs.
Velma: This led to the War of the Powers, when the Valar combined to wage war against Melkor, and they defeated him. The light of the world was gathered into two magical trees, which provided a beautiful illumination for Arda.
Egon: One of the greatest of the elves, a man by the name of Fëanor, took some of the light, and made three magical gemstones called, the Silmarils. Now, Melkor was so consumed with hate and greed that he slipped away from the Valar, got together with a monstrous spider from the Outer Void, named Ungoliant.
Velma: Together, Melkor and Ungoliant slipped back into Valinor, killed the magical trees, stole the Silmarils, and then slipped back out into Middle-earth.
Egon: Not only had the Silmarils bewitched their creator, and Melkor, but apparently, they bewitched anyone who looked at them. Ungoliant, who had vastly grown in power, demanded all of the gemstones that Melkor had, and as she consumed them, she grew even greater in power. Eventually, she demanded the Silmarils...
Velma: And that was the end of their friendship. Melkor told her to get lost, she started to wrap him up in spider silk, and Melkor had to call in his powerful allies, his Balrogs, to help him out.
Egon: After that time, Melkor faced many battles, and with each, he seemed to move closer and closer to winning the war for Middle-earth. That is, until the Valar decided to intervene one last time, and they waged a final war against the Dark Lord.
Velma: Melkor was cornered, maimed, bound in magical chains and cast out into the Timeless Void. There, it is said, he waits, and at the end of the world, he will learn how to break back into the world, and will precipitate the final battle, the Dagor Dagorath, where he will be slain once and for all.
Egon: Now, Melkor is a formidable opponent, one who has spent uncounted years in combat. He has such reality warping powers that he was able to spill oceans, destroy mountain ranges, create firestorms, and much more. He is also a shape shifter, appearing pretty much any way that he wants.
Velma: Beyond magic, he has an array of armors and weapons, including Grond, referred to as the Hammer of the Underworld. Each blow of this weapon brings down a lightning bolt, and leaves a crater in the ground.
Egon. Melkor is not all-powerful, however. When he fought the mighty elf, Fingolfin, the elf actually succeeded in wounding Melkor’s foot, leaving him with a limp for the rest of his life.
Velma: What must be remembered is, though Melkor was the greatest and most powerful of all the Ainur, the longer he lived in Middle-earth, the more of his power he poured into the place to warp it into his own image.
Egon: He warped elves into orcs, he created vampires, werewolves, trolls and dragons. And, he changed the face of the land, pouring his power into the very fabric of the world. As he did this, he became weaker and weaker, until one day he was defeated by the Valar, who now were more powerful than him.
Velma: So, in many ways, how powerful Melkor is, depends on when you meet him. But, that said, he is always a powerful enemy, with truly god-like power.
Intermission[]
Velma Dinkley: Alright, the combatants are set, so let's go ahead and end this debate once and for all.
Egon Spengler: It is definitely time for a Death Battle.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Pre-Fight []
In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu lay dreaming.
And as he lay drowned and putrefying, his servants paraded around him, wailing and howling and groaning his praises.
And in his rabid dreams he saw death and madness and destruction. And in his maniacal dreams he smelt blood and decay. And in his demented dreams he heard...a dim, small voice.
His smallest finger moved, and all R’lyeh went quiet.
In the Nethermost Hall of mighty Angband, the dread lord Melkor sat upon his basalt throne. The Silmarils shown brightly in his iron crown, their light casting foul shadows on the walls, as his servants gibbered and hooted and howled his praises.
But Melkor sat silent as his eyes gazed far, into the darkness beyond Arda. There, in the darkness beyond darkness, something moved, and the void roiled and bubbled.
And Melkor stared at the darkness beyond darkness, and his thoughts were troubled.
And in her lair of shadows and silk, Ungoliant, the mother of spiders, trembled and was afraid.
In the Great Desert of Far Harad, there lay a place of desiccated, rocky valleys. And in the living rock of one deep valley was carved a temple whose lines and angles flowed in a strange and unearthly geometry. And in the depths of that temple lay an inner sanctuary, the unholiest of unholies. Burning braziers and flickering torches cast macabre dancing lights on the walls, while chants and insane music and screams of pain filled the air.
Suddenly, four men, dressed in the garb of the surrounding desert-dwellers, burst into the sanctuary, dragging a struggling figure between them. They pinned the struggling elf to an upright post at the back of the room, bound him there, and then moved back, knelt to the ground, and sat watching him.
A female figure undulated into the sanctuary, the rich, yellow material of her head-to-toe wraps doing little to conceal the curves and swells of her form. She moved up to the bound elf, raised her arms, and loosed the material that covered her face and head. It slipped back to reveal soft and alluring features, topped with a mass of inky-black hair. The elf involuntarily gasped at her beauty, unable to take his eyes off of her. Her looks were strangely exotic, somewhat human and somewhat elf, somewhat both and somewhat neither.
All that the elf knew was that he had never met such a woman before. He licked his lips. The woman smiled at him, and his heart began to melt at the beauty of it. But then he despaired as he perceived that the smile was more feral than it was friendly.
“Hail, Quendë,” she purred, “first born of Ilúvatar.”
She began to walk around him, her moves more graceful than that of the most accomplished dancer. The elf turned his head to try to keep his eyes on her majestic beauty.
“My minions have sought long for one such as you.”
Her movements become faster and more undulating, turning into a dance as she moved around him again and again. His head swiveled back and forth, as he tried to keep her in his field of vision.
Then, she stopped in front of him.
She licked her lips, and said, “So much power, but so little of it you perceive.”
She reached up, and ran her fingers down his chest to his beltline, her touch as light as that of a butterfly. The elf was so enthralled by the woman that he did not even feel his tunic slide off of him, shredded as if with a knife.
“You do not know me, or my kind, I know. My name is Nyarlathotep,” she purred.
“It...It is a beautiful name,” the elf stammered.
Unnoticed by the elf, the chanting in the room had risen higher and louder.
“Would you serve me, Quendë?” she asked.
'Gladly,” he said back to her.
“I need your power,” she breathed. “Will you give it?”
“Gladly,” he answered.
The chanting rose higher and louder.
“Of your own free will?” she asked.
“Gladly!” he exclaimed.
“Then give it,” she said with a predatory smile.
“Gladly!” he yelled.
She raised her hand, and ran it down his chest to his beltline, her index finger tracing gently across his skin.
The elf shrieked in mortal agony and his skin split beneath her fingernail. His organs spilled out, glistening in the dancing light of the temple. The chanting rose higher and louder, augmented with screams of pain and screams of madness.
Nyarlathotep smiled triumphantly.
In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu’s eyes snapped open. His servants fell to the ground, and writhed in obeisance to him. He turned and looked across the void.
“A feast!” his minions shouted. “A feast of the damned!”
In the land of Palisor, above a fetid swamp, a great and terrible storm began to boil. Clouds roiled and careened across the sky, as great bolts of lightning sizzled across the heavens, and struck the ground with mighty crashes.
In the midst of the dark and angry clouds, a shape of monstrous proportions began to coalesce. It towered over the landscape, with huge wings, and tentacles descending from its face. Mighty Cthulhu was come to Arda.
About his feet, his spawn slithered through the swampy waters, seeking dominion over this new land.
A deep and mighty horn sounded from the walls of Angband, and the black gates swung open wide. The hosts of Melkor issued forth from the bowels of the fortress, including orcs, trolls, balrogs, vampires and werewolves. And last of all strode the Dark Lord himself. He was armored all in black, with the dread warhammer Grond in his hand. And upon his head he wore an iron crown, with the three Silmarils burning brightly in it.
Melkor turned his eyes east, and he and his host marched off to war.
On the Plains of Decision, the two armies stood upon opposite sides, drawn up for battle. And towering over each of the armies stood their mighty masters, Cthulhu and Melkor.
The light of the Silmarils shown across the dark plains like stars fallen to earth. Cthulhu gazed in wonder at the gemstones, and a lust for the stones welled up in the blackness that was his heart. Almost involuntarily, his hand rose and he reached out for the Silmarils.
Wrath blossomed on Melkor’s face as he beheld Cthulhu’s desire for the Silmarils.
“I know your kind, Old One,” he shouted. “But know me. I am the Elder King: Melkor, first and mightiest of all the Valar, who was before this world, and who made it. All of Arda is in my shadow, and its fate is in my wallet.”
He raised Grond, and pointed the hammer at his foe. “This is not your world, it is mine. Begone now, or know the wrath of the Master of the Fates of Arda!”
FIGHT! []
Cthulhu opened his mouth and shrieked. The sound smote upon the ears of Melkor, and the madness in it smote upon his mind. Melkor clamped his hands to his ears, and slowly sank to his knees, his teeth grinding in his mouth.
The High Priest of the Great Old Ones stepped forward, the light of the Silmarils glittering in his rheumy eyes. He reached out his hand, and grabbed the front of Melkor’s iron crown, his palm covering all three of the magical stones.
Suddenly, Cthulhu’s shriek of madness turned into a shriek of pain. Evil, black smoke rose from his hand.
Melkor surged from where he was on his knees, his hands grasping the wrists of Cthulhu’s arms.
The Lord of Angband sneered into Cthulhu’s face, and cried, “Foul creature! Monster of the Void! You shall not have this world, nor any part of it! You will not take what is rightfully mine!”
The two titans grappled and strained, and the forces arrayed around their feet surged forward. A mighty battle raged across the plains, as monster fought monster and nightmare fought nightmare.
The tentacles on dread Cthulhu’s face writhed and wrapped around Melkor’s face, probing and poking.
Suddenly, Melkor reached down to the right, and picked up Grond from where it had fallen on the ground. He swung it around, and the hammer impacted on Cthulhu’s head. There was a great explosion, and the Great Old One staggered to the side and collapsed to the ground.
Melkor advanced on his fallen opponent, and then he raised Grond up towards the storm that raged across the face of the land. Lightning danced across the sky, and arced in mighty spans to the hammer.
Suddenly, Cthulhu’s form seemed to melt, and stream up, and then the Dreamer was again upright, in front of the Dark Lord. Cthulhu seized Melkor, and again the two began to grapple.
As the two entities fought physically, they also fought with the magical powers of their natures. The ground around their feet writhed and wracked, as the very fibers of Arda frayed and tangled.
Lightning poured from the sky, into Grond, and crackled across their bodies. Again, Cthulhu’s tentacles probed Melkor’s face, and then first one and then another entered his nostrils.
Melkor screamed in pain, and Gothmog, the Lord of the Balrogs, broke his battle, and looked up at his liege in fear.
Melkor suddenly crouched down and seized Cthulhu’s body. Then, he stood up, lifting the Great Old One on his shoulders. With a snarl of rage, he lifted his opponent into the air, and then smashed his body to the ground, thoughtlessly crushing numerous soldiers of both sides.
Cthulhu again flowed to his feet, and renewed his magical attack. His scream of madness filled the air and Melkor fell back a step under the assault. Suddenly, the mighty Valar opened his mouth, and began to sing. He chanted a song of strength and owning. Then he sang of power and lordship. Then he sang of glory and mastery.
Now mighty Cthulhu stepped back, buffeted by Melkor’s magic. The song changed yet again to one of domination and command. Suddenly, Cthulhu’s very substance began to change. Starting at his feet, he began to turn to stone! The transmogrification seeped up and up. Cthulhu bellowed and focused his magic on his own self, but Melkor’s song overwhelmed it.
Finally, the entirely of Cthulhu stood as a gigantic pillar of titanic proportions.
Melkor pulled Grond back, and then swung the hammer with all his might. When the weapon connected with the rock, the body of Cthulhu shattered and flew across the plains, leaving a mesa standing along against the skyline.
Suddenly, the essence of Cthulhu flowed back towards the center, and again the Dreamer stood upon Middle-earth. But, the form of Cthulhu looked vaporous and less substantial.
Melkor roared at his opponent, “This world is mine by right! I am the greatest creation of Eru Ilúvatar! The natural king of all creation! You shall not take it from me!”
Then he screamed in wrath, and ran at Cthulhu, knocking him to the ground. He straddled the Lord of R'lyeh, lifted Grond, and struck him on the head. He struck him again and again, the heavens thundering their answer to every blow.
The Great Old One’s very blood and brains shot out across the plains, as Melkor continued to smash at his opponent.
Suddenly, Cthulhu and his children melted into smoke, and the smoke flowed back into the storming heavens, and was gone.
Melkor stood, and looked at the sky, panting out breathes that could be heard for miles.
His battered army cheered around his feet. Then, he turned, and began to head back to Angband, the owner of all he surveyed.
K.O.! []
On the Plains of Decision, Nyarlathotep replaced her veil across her face, and looked up at the mesa that would long be known as the Mountain of Shadows.
Then, she shrugged, and turned to walk away. This world had escaped her grasp, but there were ever more worlds to conquer. And, most likely, the Lord of Angband would not remain forever.
Anyone watching her walk away would have seen her shimmer, as if walking through a great heat, and then disappear.
Results[]
Velma Dinkley: Jinkies, what a fight!
Egon Spengler: Yes, it was truly a clash of the titans. But, while both of the combatants were extremely power, neither was totally godlike in power.
Velma: Cthulhu had a great arsenal of magic, but his greatest weapon was his very alienness, which could shatter the minds of most people that he encountered.
Egon: However, Melkor had already encountered creatures from beyond Arda’s space and time, most notably Ungoliant. So, his mind-shattering attacks were not effective, or at least not totally so.
Velma: And while Cthulhu relies on his size and his magic to accomplish his attacks, Melkor was something of a warrior, using weapons, such as Grond to come to real grips with his opponent.
Egon: But, Melkor’s greatest power was his song magic, which he used to help create the world of Arda. Melkor’s lieutenant, Sauron, used this magic against the elf, Finrod, but the greatest of song magic was used by the Ainur. This allowed Melkor to bend and shape the very matter of Arda to his will, and when Cthulhu entered Arda, he became subject to it.
Velma: So, basically Melkor sang him to death. I’ve heard would-be singers like that!
Egon: The winner is Melkor.
Next Time[]
High School is a hard time, especially when you have superpowers. Sparks were bound to fly when we brought [[Dash and Violet vs. Lash and Speed|Dash and Violet Parr and Lash and Speed from Sky High]!