Susan Pevensie VS Katniss Everdeen

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Description[]

Grace and beauty are mere footnotes when discussing these two adventurous archers. Which arrow-handling heroine will triumph, and which will get the shaft?

Prelude[]

Wizard: Glory. Power. Honor. To most, these skills would be things that you need to work for all your life. To be revered by those around you and inspire hope and courage. But to these two, it comes naturally, as the flames of rebellion don't light themselves.

Boomstick: Susan Pevensie, the gentle High Queen of Narnia...

Wizard: And Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wizard: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!

Susan Pevensie[]

Wizard: No matter where you go, the people around you will always seek some sort of leader. Whether it be a president, a commander, a queen, or simply an older sibling. Susan Pevensie was born in 1928, and was the second born of four children. Though she tried to help her mother keep her younger siblings Edmund and Lucy safe, it could not stay that way forever.

Boomstick: When Susan was only twelve years old, World War II struck her home in London, England. Though she and her family got out safely, their house was destroyed in an air raid. To protect the children, the English government had parents ship off their kids to temporary foster homes in the country, safe from the bombings. Or maybe they just wanted to give the parents a break for a few years, I dunno.

Wizard: Staying at the home of the mysterious Professor Digory Kirke, Susan became worried when Lucy began to ramble on about a magical world in the wardrobe.

Boomstick: Oh come on. Why worry? Magical lands exist in the weirdest of places.

Wizard: Such as?

Boomstick: Haven't I ever told you of Beer-gun-istan? It's this world populated by sentient guns and beers, and I found it in the folds of my couch. I like it there.

Wizard: Uh huh. Well, unlike Beer-gun-istan, the world described by Lucy was real. It was the land of Narnia. After stumbling upon the land with her three siblings, the Pevensies discovered it to be ruled by the malevolent White Witch Jadis. After being found by two large, talking beavers...

Boomstick: Heh heh.

Wizard: ... the Pevensies were told of a prophecy that four humans, two male and two female, were destined to defeat Jadis and bring about the return of the heroic lion Aslan, who would then appoint them the kings and queens of Narnia.

Boomstick: Though she thought it sounded completely batsh*t crazy at first, Susan agrred to help the Narnians after Edmund was kidnapped by the Witch. So she and her siblings began their journey to Aslan's camp. Along the way, they met Santa Claus, because at this point, why the f*ck not?

Wizard: Father Christmas bestowed the children with various gifts and tools. To Susan, he gave a bow and quiver of arrows, which would prove to be Susan's weapons of choice throughout her life. The bow is ivory, and uses some sort of magic to keep intact and strong for hundreds upon hundreds of years without wearing out.

Boomstick: Also, if she concentrates and keeps a clear head, she can't really miss! That's right. I don't know if it's her own skill or some kind of divine intervention, but the bow is extremely accurate as long as Susan trusts that it will hit its mark. Granted, she can miss if she isn't concentrating or looses faith in the bow, but that's a rarity!

Wizard: She also received a magic horn that, when blown, will call for aid. The sound of this horn can reach across universes, and can bring people to help her. However, it is important to note that the "aid" is not always immediate. Depending on who hears it and how far away they are, the "help" can either be for immediate danger or more long-term issues.

Boomstick: Using her wit and new tools, Susan and her siblings managed to find Aslan, rescue Edmund, and soon join into the war against the Witch. After her defeat, Susan became the High Queen of Narnia: Queen Susan the Gentle.

Wizard: Susan ruled her kingdom for decades, helping in politics and battles. Even after she left Narnia to return to the real world as a kid again, she returned and fought again in the Narnian Revolution against the Telmarines.

Boomstick: Susan is wise and logical, and often prefers to use diplomacy and reason over bloodshed. But that sh*t's boring, so she also knows how to fight! She's fought in several wars and battles, where she usually leads the archers in long-rage combat. However, she's no slouch on the battlefield, and has no problem fighting close-up with a quick draw and fire, or by stabbing with her arrows.

Wizard: She's also athletic, and is extremely proficient in horseback riding and swimming, the latter of which she won several awards for in her Earthly schools. She's also clever and level-headed, and always tries to keep a clear mind and direct approach when in battle. However, this is also one of her flaws.

Boomstick: As tough as she is, she can be predictable, and groups of enemies can find ways to overpower her. And despite ruling Narnia for decades, she actually preferred to stay and focus on diplomacy and politics when her siblings went off to fight in wars.

Wizard: On top of that, she isn't really much harder to kill than average person, though her unique skills are usually enough to keep her safe. Despite her flaws, she won't go down anytime soon.

Boomstick: Hail to the queen.

Prince Caspian (offering Susan the horn): Look. Maybe it is time you had this back.

Susan Pevensie: Why don't you hold on to it? You might need to call me again.

Lucy Pevensie (riding away with Susan): You might need to call me again?

Susan Pevensie: Oh, shut up.

Katniss Everdeen[]

Wizard: In the dystopian country of Panem, life is little more than misery. After a violent civil war, people were forced into individual districts and made to offer up two children, a girl and a boy, every year to fight in the Hunger Games, a deadly televised gladiator battle in which twenty four children go in, one comes out.

Boomstick: Which would be awesome, aside from the whole... you know... killing kids thing.

Wizard: However, from the fiery coal ashes of District 12, would come the most unlikely of saviors: Katniss Everdeen.

Boomstick: Katniss and her family lived as simple merchants and workers, with Katniss sneaking out and hunting with her friend Gale. Using a bow and arrows, she hunted small and large animals, selling them for money or bringing them home for her family to eat. Everything was going well up until the day her father died in a mine explosion, which was probably caused by a cigarette. Snuff them out, people. Anyway, her mother mentally shut down, forcing Katniss to basically raise her younger sister Primrose by herself.

Wizard: That is until the Reaping for the 74th annual Hunger Games, where Primrose was picked. In a desperate attempt to save her sister from certain death, Katniss volunteered to take her place.

Boomstick: Katniss was brought to the Training Center in the Capitol, where she practiced her natural gift with a bow and arrow. She also continued to hone her skills in wilderness survival and stealth, which she previously used during her hunting trips.

Wizard: It wasn't long before she ended up in the Hunger Games, where she fought through other kids, lost some friends, and eventually met up with her future lover Peeta. Together, they managed to defeat the other tributes and even blackmail the Gamemakers into letting them both win. Despite never wanting to return to this life, Katniss was thrust back into the fray the next year, and soon became a symbol of rebellion against the Capitol. She was picked up by the rebellion, where she stood as an example of hope and strength.

Boomstick: Katniss has wielded many bows, but her go-to during her rebellion days is a black military-grade one made by her friend Beetee. The bow is extremely durable and adjusted to Katniss' size and strength.

Wizard: The bow also comes with three types of arrows: normal metallic ones, incendiary flame arrows, and explosive arrows that have enough power to blow the wing off of a military aircraft. And if the arrows weren't deadly enough, Katniss displays insane amounts of skill with the weapon, able to shoot small targets such as apples and squirrels (which she hits in the eye), and distant targets like security cameras and airborne military craft, which is easily hundreds of feet away.

Boomstick: She's also good with other weapons, such as knives, spears, and traditional firearms, though she always prefers the feel of a bow over those. Speaking of guns, her costume, the Mockingjay, is designed to be both fashionable and functional. It's temperature-resistant and bulletproof Though both temperature and bullets will still hurt, they won't do nearly as much damage.

Wizard: She's an expert survivalist, and can easily distinguish types of fruits, plants, dirt, and even identify normally invisible force fields. Not surprising, she's done quite a bit. She's fought in two Hunger Games, several revolution battles, and even made her way through a booby-trapped Capitol on a mission to assassinate the corrupt President Snow. And we didn't even mention her durability. She's survived a fog of acidic gas, mutant animal attacks, being shot, being nearly strangled to death, and...

Boomstick: Being freaking electrocuted when she stood next to a tree as it was struck by lightning! And she even managed to fire her electrically charged arrow before she went down!

Wizard: Despite all of that, she's by no means unkillable. While durable, she can be put down by a well-placed bullet or enough force. And though she's tough, she's emotional and can often let her rage, sorrow, PTSD, or all three influence her during a battle, making her somewhat sloppy and hotblooded.

Boomstick: Still, I'd think twice before messing with the Mockingjay.

Katniss: I'm going to kill Snow. Nothing good is safe while he's alive. And I can't make another speech about it. No more cameras. No more propos. No more Games. He needs to see my eyes when I kill him.

Interlude[]

Wizard: All right, the combatants are set. It's time to end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!

DEATH BATTLE[]

The scene opens with a vast forest. Sunlight beans through the trees, and the sounds of chirping birds and buzzing insects can be heard. In the bushes, Katniss peeks out, bow drawn. She is searching for prey to bring home.

Nearby, Susan is taking a walk through the woods. She runs her hands across the firm trunks of the trees and the soft leaves, causing them to rustle.

Katniss hears the rustling and quickly and quietly moves to see what is causing it. She positions herself in between two trees, careful to say upwind. She looks out into a clearing, where something is coming from the other side. She readies her arrow.

Susan continues walking, and sees a clearing. As she heads towards it, she briefly notices a glow on the other side, similar to light reflecting off of dark metal.

Katniss knows that whatever she is aiming at will walk right into her arrow. She takes a deep breath, and fires.

Susan hears the sound of a bow being fired and jumps down and into the clearing. An arrow pierces the tree behind her, where her head would have been. She pulls out her bow.

Katniss jumps into the clearing.

Katniss: You're not an animal.

Susan (standing up): Another assassin trying to kill royalty. No matter, you're not going to escape to try it with one of my brothers or sister.

Katniss (drawing an arrow): Look lady, I don't know what you're on about, but you probably just ruined my chances of getting decent prey today.

Susan (drawing an arrow): Pray for mercy, killer.

FIGHT!

Katniss quickly fires and arrow at Susan, who rolls and dodges. Susan takes a knee, and fires her arrow at Katniss. Katniss barely dodges, with the arrow skimming her face and cutting some of her hanging hair. Katniss falls back, then rolls behind a large tree. She readies another arrow as Susan rapidly fires into the tree, her arrows sinking in deep.

Katniss waits for Susan to reach for another arrow, then leaps out from behind the tree and fires at her. As the arrow flies, Susan dodges to the side, but the arrow skims her cheek, leaving a bloody red cut. Susan jumps behind a rock, and Katniss rushes around. Susan pulls out her horn and starts to blow. However, just as a note leaves the horn, the tool suddenly shatters as Katniss fires and arrow clean through it. Susan fires another arrow and leaps away. The arrow strikes Katniss in the side, hitting her and causing her to fall back. She gasps and looks down at her wound, where just the very tip of the arrow managed to pierce her armor and stab into her. She reaches down and pulls the arrow out, bleeding slightly.

Katniss looks around, but cannot see where Susan is. She looks at the ground and sees the trampled dirt and foliage, and is able to mentally track Susan in a tight grouping of trees. Katniss ducks behind the rock as another arrow barely misses her, ricocheting off a stone behind her.

Katniss: This will draw you out.

Katniss grabs and explosive arrow from her quiver. She takes a deep breath, knowing that as soon as she pops up to fire the arrow, she will be in Susan's line of sight.

Susan huddles between two trees, waiting for Katniss to show herself so she can make the finishing shot.

Katniss holds her breath, then quickly jumps up and to the side, firing her arrow. Susan does the same. Susan's arrow hits Katniss in the shoulder, piercing her armor. Katniss is thrown back, with the arrow embedded in her flesh. At the same time, Katniss' arrow reaches the trees, and strikes the ground a few feet away from Susan. It explodes, sending Susan screaming and flying. She lands face down in the clearing, skidding in the dirt, burnt and bloody.

Katniss cries a little as she pulls the arrow out of her, then presses a leaf to the wound to slow the bleeding. Susan groans and slowly gets up, her face dirty and red. Katniss drops the leaf and jumps out just as Susan stands up. Katniss fires an incendiary arrow at a nearby tree, causing the base to catch fire. Susan fires at Katniss, but she dodges. The tree burns and creaks, and suddenly drops. Susan looks up to see the large truck headed down towards her, and jumps out of the way. As she lands, she turns to look at Katniss, who has another arrow drawn already.

As Susan reaches for another arrow, Katniss fires, and the arrow strikes Susan's hand. She screams as she is pulled, the arrow piercing her hand and into a tree, pinning it there. Katniss rushes forward with a knife. Susan drops her bow and reaches with her other hand and pulls an arrow out of her quiver. Susan and Katniss swing, the two weapons clashing together. However, Katniss cuts the arrow and stabs Susan's other hand, pinning it to the tree like the other one. Susan screams, and Katniss jumps away, grabs her bow and an arrow, and fires. The arrow strikes in Susan's open mouth and impales her, the bloody head of the arrow piercing the tree and pinning Susan's head to it.

Katniss pants and holds her shoulder, walking away as she tries to stop the bleeding.

K.O.!

Katniss turns and fires another explosive arrow at Susan's corpse as she walks, blowing it up.

Results[]

Boomstick: That was brutal! Almost too brutal! Show it again!

Wizard: Susan may have had more experience and a leveler head than Katniss, but Katniss' superior weapons, armor, and skills were able to give her the leg up she needed.

Boomstick: Now I know what you're thinking: "But Boomstick, I thought Susan couldn't miss!" Well, she can. The description of her bow says that it will not easily miss. She can still miss, especially is it's against someone like Katniss.

Wizard: It's true. Katniss' reflexes and speed gave her the ability to avoid Susan's shots. And even when those shots did hit, she's wearing bulletproof armor. It's still going to hurt, a lot, but it's enough to keep her alive. On top of that, despite Susan's decades of experience, she did not use all that time fighting. Fighting was always a last resort for her, and she usually kept out of fights when they came up.

Boomstick: And I don't even think we have to mention how explosive and incendiary arrows just make Katniss' firepower so much stronger. In the end, Katniss got her point across.

Wizard: The winner is Katniss Everdeen.