| Super Smash Bros. 64 Battle Royale | |
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| Season 3, Episode 4 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | March 19th, 2015 |
| Written by | ParaGoomba348 |
| Directed by | Anonymous |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Dark Pit vs. Morrigan Aensland | Maka Albarn vs. Ruby Rose |
Description[]
SUDDEN DEATH! GO!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Super Smash Bros., one of the greatest and most beloved fighting games in existence.
Boomstick: Where you can take all your favorite Nintendo characters and have 'em beat the crap out of each other! Mario, the legendary plumber, Donkey Kong, the moon-punching gorilla, Link, the hero of Hyrule, Kirby, the world-eater, Pikachu, the electric rodent, Samus Aran, the galactic bounty-hunter-
Wiz: Fox McCloud, the space pilot, Yoshi, the hungry cute dinosaur, Jigglypuff, the sleep-inducing singer, Captain Falcon, the racing bounty hunter, Ness, the child prodigy, and Luigi, uh, Mario's brother.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Mario[]
Wiz: There is no video game character more famous, more iconic, more well-known than Mario.
Boomstick: A fat, dirty plumber who's high on shrooms all the time is more famous than any other video game character? Yeah, that makes sense.
Wiz: In Smash, Mario is often recommended as a beginner character because of his all-around stats. But if you think Mario is average, then you are wrong.
Boomstick: Mario's moves in Smash are the Fireball, the Super Jump Punch, and the Mario Tornado.
Wiz: All of these moves are useful in their own regards, and none of them do too much damage but are still solid attacks. Mario is also an excellent jumper, being able to jump over three times his own height. His physical strength is also far beyond anything average, being able to lift and throw stone castles, punch apart bricks, and even constantly swing Bowser by his tail.
Boomstick: But Mario is not perfect. For starters, he always seems to have his Princess get taken away, but that aside Mario's just kinda boring. He doesn't really get anything special.
Wiz: But between his sheer versatility and the wackiness of his games, Mr. Nintendo might just score himself a victory.
Mario: Let's-a go!
Donkey Kong[]
Boomstick: In the very first game Mario was in, Donkey Kong appeared alongside him as the main antagonist of the game Donkey Kon-
Wiz: Actually, Boomstick, that-
Boomstick: I get it! It's actually Cranky Kong! You've only told me like 10 times.
Wiz: Yes, that's true. Donkey Kong started out as Mario's rival, but now it seems like they're friends.
Boomstick: Now Donkey Kong prefers to go on quests to get his bananas back, employ young monkeys as sidekicks, and... punch the moon out of orbit.
Wiz: Yep, Donkey Kong actually did that. Donkey Kong's original Smash moveset was the Giant Punch, which at max power and velocity can punch the moon out of orbit like we just discussed, the Spinning Kong, which he can use to fly horizontally and suck in opponents like a tornado, and the Ground Smash, where he pounds the ground and creates shockwaves.
Boomstick: Also, Donkey Kong is capable of warping reality! And his moon-punching feat makes him a star-buster!
Wiz: Ugh, don't tell the audience THAT, Boomstick. Neither of those are true.
Boomstick: Oh. I read that somewhere online at 3AM while I was drunk and thought it was true.
Wiz: Anyway, Donkey Kong also possesses above-average speed and durability. Because he is a gorilla, his acrobatic ability is also very impressive. And he's pretty smart too.
Boomstick: However... DK's not perfect. He's of above-average speed and durability, but isn't exactly a speedster or a tank.
Wiz: But his sheer power may just be enough to crown him the victor.
Donkey Kong plays his bongos.
Link[]
Wiz: Throughout generations and generations of the mystical land known as Hyrule, there was always one hero being reincarnated as the one who'd save Hyrule-
Boomstick: And it's... Fairy-boy!
Wiz: What'd I tell you about Link being a fairy?
Boomstick: That he's not?
Wiz: Uh-huh. In Smash, Link is a bit on the slow-and-hard-hitting side. But not by much. The Master Sword allows him to have a longer range than most of the others, and his hookshot allows him to catch onto ledges and grip onto his opponents at a longer range.
Boomstick: His Boomerang hits opponents at mid-range, his spin-jump attack thingy is actually one of the worst aerial attacks in the game though. I mean seriously! He gets almost no air with it! Oh, and he can also throw bombs.
Wiz: Fortunately for Link, he has his saving graces. His Hylian Shield and Master Sword are unbreakable, his Golden Gauntlets allow him to withstand over 100 tons of force, and he's a very quick runner.
Boomstick: He's also a badass! Link's a good strategist too.
Wiz: Factor in his generations of experience, and you've got one combatant you don't want to mess with.
Link pulls the Master Sword.
Kirby[]
Wiz: The most terrifying thing you can think of. An eldritch horror capable of eating entire worlds. A master warrior of the galaxy. Someone that very few have beaten in a proper fight.
Boomstick: Uh... Kirby?
Wiz: Absolutely correct. We're talking the guy who can throw 3 tons into the sun at escape velocity, tank a planet-sized explosion, and punch a planet in half. Kirby is easily one of the strongest combatants we've ever had.
Boomstick: Kirby's moves are Inhale, which sucks up an opponent and lets Kirby take their powers, Final Cutter, where he jumps in the air and cuts 'em in half like the psycho he is, and stone, where he smokes weed.
Wiz: Actually, it's where he turns into a stone and lands on his enemies.
Boomstick: Oh yeah. Well, Kirby's Inhale this time around just has his enemies fall out of his stomach, somehow-
Wiz: That's just a gameplay mechanic. Unless you can distort reality, if you get trapped in Kirby's stomach, you're pretty much done.
Boomstick: That's the scariest way to die I can think of. And people say the Villager is a psychopath?! Have they even SEEN Kirby?!
Kirby: Hiiiiii!
Pikachu[]
Wiz: The very mascot of Pokemon itself, Pikachu had to be the cutest thing that the franchise could have to offer. So why not give it to the main character of the anime?
Boomstick: Man, fans today will never know that Pikachu was kinda a dick.
Wiz: Indeed he was. But Pikachu is much more powerful than he appears to be, being able to take down large entities using its electric bolts.
Boomstick: And it can take on Rhydon... by attacking the horn.
Wiz: Don't bring that up.
Boomstick: Pikachu's moves are ThunderShock, which is actually a really weak attack, Quick Attack, which is, well, quick, and... Thunder. AKA everyone's favorite spamming move.
Wiz: Pikachu, as a Pokemon, is actually rather weak. It has below-average offensive stats, and its defensive stats are absolutely terrible.
Boomstick: I feel like Pikachu's gonna lose.
Wiz: That seems very likely.
Pikachu: Pika pikaaaa~
Samus[]
Wiz: In the void of space, there is a warrior unlike any other. Trained on the Planet Zebes, Samus Aran is truly one of the most feared fighters in the galaxy.
Boomstick: Am I the ONLY one who didn't know she was a chick at first?
Wiz: No, that's a very common mistake. Samus purposely keeps her identity and even her gender hidden so that she can be a mystery to her enemies.
Boomstick: She did a pretty good job of it.
Wiz: Samus is easily one of the most prepared fighters in this battle royale. Her unearthly armor is extremely durable, and she has a wide variety of weapons for any opponent she may come across. In Smash 64, her moves are the Charge Shot, which is a powerful blast that gets stronger as she charges it, the Screw Attack-
Boomstick: Which is not only the name of a fuckin' awesome website, but also really fast. Sanic would be jealous.
Wiz: And the Power Bomb, which is a bomb only deployed in Morph Ball form, where she transforms into a tiny ball and rolls around, breaking physics completely.
Boomstick: And then there's the Grapple Beam, for some really kinky space S&M.
Wiz: Her home planet, Planet Zebes, has about 960 times Earth's gravity, meaning that her strength and speed are very far above average. She's strong enough to take a planet-sized explosion, fast enough to run on a ray of light, and also easily one of the smartest combatants in this ring.
Samus fires a charge shot at a target.
Fox[]
Wiz: After the expert pilot James McCloud met his end against the evil Andross, his son, Fox, was sent to take him on with his team - Star Fox.
Boomstick: He's a fox... named Fox. How clever.
Wiz: Fox makes an excellent pilot and team leader. He pilots a vehicle called the Arwing, and when he's not piloting that, he's controlling the Landmaster, invented by Slippy Toad-
Boomstick: AKA one of the most annoying characters EVER!
Wiz: And the Blue Marine, which he only used once... in Aquas.
Boomstick: Fox can also fight on foot, using a ton of cool weapons like his blaster, reflector, and the ability to light himself on fire. Awwwwwesooooome.
Wiz: In Smash, Fox is one of the fastest characters and has decent striking power, if a little lightweight.
Boomstick: He's also kinda an idiot. Come on, he almost got his whole team stuck in a black hole! Dumbest Fox ever. His other weakness? Voice actor changes.
Wiz: He's not team leader for nothing.
Fox: Come on!
Yoshi[]
Wiz: The evil Kamek was going around, spreading evil magic everywhere when Baby Mario was sent to a mysterious island inhabited by mysterious green dinosaurs.
Boomstick: These adorable, hungry monsters were known as... Yoshi.
Wiz: Yoshis are gentle, generally harmless creatures that take a liking to young children. However, they are also protective, and aren't afraid to attack their opponents when need be.
Boomstick: Yoshi has many different and absolutely strange attacks. He can ground-pound like Mario, eat stuff with his tongue, and... lay eggs? What gender is Yoshi, anyway?!
Wiz: Uh... I actually have no clue.
Boomstick: Explain that, Nintendo.
Wiz: But Yoshis are no slouches. They run very quickly, can be blitzed into islands and be completely okay, and can put up with hours and hours of Baby Mario screaming his head off.
Boomstick: MAKE IT STOP!
Wiz: However, Yoshi has little in the way of physical attacks. Most of his physical attacks aren't very powerful and generally has to fight someone with projectiles to win.
Boomstick: But I would never underestimate anyone who can endure the screams of Baby Mario for hours on end.
Yoshi: Yoshi!
Captain Falcon[]
Wiz: In easily the most sadistic and disgustingly-cruel race ever, F-Zero, there existed one racer who was more iconic-
Boomstick: And more AWESOME!
Wiz: -Than everyone else. That racer, Captain Douglas Falcon.
Boomstick: This guy is a badass! Look at him! He drives this badass car called the Blue Falcon, he's manlier than Chuck Norris and Segata Sanshiro combined, and just listen to this guy's voice!
Wiz: Yes, Captain Falcon is manly. I get it. While Falcon has never really had much in the way of his own games, Super Smash Brothers gave him a blessing he never knew he needed:
Boomstick: FALCON PAWNCH!
Wiz: His Falcon Punch and Falcon Kick are not only memetic, but Captain Falcon's Falcon Punch is enough to KILL ANOTHER PERSON. And himself.
Boomstick: Awesome...
Wiz: Captain Falcon is also the fastest runner in all of Smash. He is very physically fit, being around peak-human level, and has endured the death trap that is F-Zero.
Boomstick: This guy is awesome...
Captain Falcon: Yes!
Jigglypuff[]
Wiz: See this weird, cute puffball thingy? This is Jigglypuff, a Pokemon who can put you to sleep just by singing.
Boomstick: How the hell did this thing get in Smash?
Wiz: Jigglypuff is very popular in Japan. But, as our friend TVTropes would say it, American Kirby is Hardcore. So... American audiences don't really like Jigglypuff.
Boomstick: I sure as hell don't.
Wiz: But don't underestimate Jigglypuff for a second. It is a master hypnotist, being able to put others to sleep just by singing. It also can overpower grown men AND can curb-stomp an entire group of Clefairy.
Boomstick: And don't EVER fall asleep if Jigglypuff sings her song! She will draw on you with marker. Is it permanent ink?
Wiz: I hope not.
Boomstick: Jigglypuff's attacks seem kinda weak. Pound? Really? All that is hitting her opponents with her weak arms. Sing? Doesn't even do damage? How about Rest? Useless!
Wiz: Actually, Rest is easily one of Jigglypuff's best attacks. In Pokemon, all it does is let her regain health. But in Smash, it actually causes huge explosions.
Boomstick: ...What.
Wiz: I don't know either, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Well, Jigglypuff sure as hell isn't surviving this one. She isn't very fast, powerful, or durable.
Wiz: But... at least she can put her enemies to sleep.
Jigglypuff: Puff!
Ness[]
Wiz: In the year 199X, a boy named Ness was sleeping when a meteorite crashed right next to his house. He went to go inspect the mysterious crash, and suddenly he was informed by the mysterious Buzz Buzz-
Boomstick: That's just a bee.
Wiz: Actually, no, it's, uh, I don't know.
Boomstick: EarthBound has to be one of the most LSD-boosted games ever.
Wiz: Yeah, I think they were probably really high when they made that game. Anyway, in the creators' moment of drug intoxication, the extremely powerful Ness was created. He is gifted in the art of PSI, or PK in Japan. He can use his mind as a weapon and use it to create powerful attacks.
Boomstick: My favorites are PK Fire and PK Thunder!
Wiz: Yeah... actually, Ness doesn't canonically get those.
Boomstick: ...Nintendo, explain this bullshit.
Wiz: I don't think they can. But... since this is Smash... Ness gets PK Fire, which can burn his enemies to a crisp, PK Thunder, which he can either use to shock his enemies or turn him into a human rocket, and PSI Magnet, which he uses to absorb energy-based attacks.
Boomstick: Holy shit! Ness is also strong enough to break diamond with a baseball bat, fast enough to catch himself on fire, and durable enough to take hits from a universal being! See, when you're high, you create overpowered characters like Ness!
Wiz: I guess you do.
Ness: Okay!
Luigi[]
Wiz: Oh look, we almost forgot Luigi.
Boomstick: Yeah, that happens to this guy a lot.
Wiz: He's Mario's brother... and for whatever reason, he's always getting left in the dust.
Boomstick: Well look at him! He's extremely pale, all his attacks are just like Mario's, and he's kinda a loser!
Wiz: But don't underestimate him. Luigi is a better aerial fighter than Mario and a faster runner, if less powerful and durable.
Boomstick: Luigi's attacks are just like Mario's, except his fireballs are green and ignore gravity... somehow, his Super Jump Punch is more powerful but much harder to land, and his tornado... is pretty much the same.
Wiz: Luigi suffers from easily the laziest character design ever. No wonder Nintendo hates him so much.
Boomstick: Hey, he did get his big break during the Year of Luigi.
Wiz: Then he lost to Tails.
Boomstick: Oh, right.
Luigi: Leeet's-a gooo~!
DEATH BATTLE![]
ParaGoomba348[]
Master Hand reached into the Toy Box where all the toys of the Super Smash Bros. combatants were kept. He was thinking of a new gameplay mode - 12-player smash. It was like 8-player smash on Super Smash Bros. 4, but no one cared about that.
Master Hand pulled out Mario, Link, Pikachu, Samus, Donkey Kong, Fox, Kirby, Yoshi, Captain Falcon, Ness, Jigglypuff, and Luigi, then placed them all in the Final Destination stage. Each of the players came to life as the iconic announcer spoke.
3!
2!
1!
FIGHT!
Combatants remaining - 12
Captain Falcon was the first to attack. He opened up with a Falcon Punch into Luigi's chest, knocking him into his brother. Mario and Luigi rushed at Falcon, and Mario punched him in the face and Luigi kicked him in the chest.
Meanwhile, Pikachu had targeted Link. The electric rodent used ThunderShock to send a small spark of electricity at Link, which he blocked easily with the Hylian Shield. Link kicked Pikachu away and threw a bomb at him. The bomb exploded, sending Pikachu flying. While he was in mid-air, Link threw his boomerang at Pikachu, which pushed Pikachu off the edge of Final Destination. Pikachu used Quick Attack to attempt to get back up, but threw another bomb down to make sure that didn't happen. Upon contact, the bomb exploded, sending Pikachu to his doom off the edge of Final Destination.
Combatants remaining - 11
Samus picked her fight with Donkey Kong, firing a Charge Shot at the ape. Donkey Kong was sent flying as he landed on Falcon, Mario, and Luigi. Donkey Kong got back up and punched Falcon away, knocking him over towards Kirby, Ness, and Jigglypuff, all of whom had picked fights with each other.
Ness shot a PK Fire at Kirby, who ate PK Fire bolt and then suddenly was wearing a hat that looked just like Ness'. Kirby responded with a PK Fire at Ness, who similarly fired one at Kirby. The bolts burst into a wall of fire against each other, and they continued this for a few more attacks. Captain Falcon tumbled right into Jigglypuff, sending her right in the middle of the bursts, and was incinerated completely by the two blasts of PK Fire.
Combatants remaining - 10
Fox, watching the battle carefully, decided to target Yoshi. Fox kicked Yoshi in the face, then in the stomach. Yoshi slapped Fox in the face with his tail, then kicked Fox away. Yoshi threw an egg at Fox, but Fox pulled out his blaster and shot the egg out of the sky. Fox continued firing at Yoshi as Captain Falcon rushed by and used a Falcon Kick to send Yoshi flying towards Fox. Fox surrounded himself in a veil of fire, and Captain Falcon pulled his fist back.
"Falcon... Punch!"
"Fire!"
And Yoshi was right in the middle.
Yoshi's body burst as Fox and Falcon's attacks collided.
Combatants remaining - 9
Samus fired a Charge Shot at Fox, who saw the attack coming and put up his reflector. The Charge Shot went back at Samus, sending her at the Mario Bros. Samus landed on top of Luigi, and then Mario grabbed Samus by the legs and threw her back at Fox.
Captain Falcon got out and picked a fight with someone who wasn't fighting anyone at the moment - Donkey Kong. Falcon kicked Donkey Kong in the chest, then knocked him to the ground. Captain Falcon charged his fist with fire, and Donkey Kong got back up and began winding his fist up.
Then the two unleashed their most powerful punches - and they hit each other spot-on.
Donkey Kong emerged unharmed. His fist was a little singed, but he was alright.
But Captain Falcon? Dude was incinerated completely, and his arm had exploded.
Combatants remaining - 8
Luigi looked at Captain Falcon's mangled body, and was horrified. He ran off, trying to lay low while everyone else fought. The now-bloodthirsty Donkey Kong went after Luigi, who ran off screaming. In a fit of cowardice, Luigi ran to Kirby and Ness (Who were still trying to hit each other with PK Fire) and jumped inside of Kirby's mouth. Yes, he actually did that.
Well, turned out THAT was a bad idea. Luigi now found himself in Kirby's stomach dimension, unable to get out.
During all that, Link and Fox targeted each other. Fox shot at Link with his blaster, while Link blocked it all the Hylian Shield. Link slashed at Fox with the Master Sword, and cut his arm off. Link then proceeded to cut off Fox's other arm, then stabbed him through the chest.
Combatants remaining - 7
Kirby took a second away from Ness to spit out Luigi. Luigi went flying back at Donkey Kong, who grinned at the green-clad plumber. Luigi watched in horror as Mario came in to save Luigi. Donkey Kong growled at Mario and punched him in the stomach, and Mario picked up Donkey Kong by his foot and threw him at Samus. Samus fired a Charge Shot at Donkey Kong, which sent him flying at Luigi.
Luigi had a moment of bravery and spun around in his Luigi Cyclone. Donkey Kong got trapped in the cyclone as Luigi spun and spun around... and Samus took this time brilliantly. She fired a Charge Shot at Luigi, knocking him away from Donkey Kong. Samus then attacked Luigi in Screw Attack mode, and shredded Luigi to bits.
Combatants remaining - 6
Mario watched Samus kill his brother, and his eyes filled with anger. Mario approached Samus and fired several fireballs at her, which she dodged in the Morph Ball. She then dropped a bomb onto Mario, then the explosion knocked him into the air. Mario landed by jumping on Samus' head, and then he got back onto the ground and picked her up by the leg. But the space bounty hunter wasn't giving up! She fired a grapple beam at Mario, then fired a Charge Shot point-blank.
The blast blew a giant hole in Mario's stomach, and moreover sent him flying way over the edge of Final Destination. Just as Pikachu had done before, Mario plummeted to his doom.
Combatants remaining - 5
Donkey Kong, Link, and Samus attacked each other in a three-way brawl, with Donkey Kong punching Link, and Link blocking with his shield. Samus fired a Charge Shot at Donkey Kong, and sent him flying towards Kirby and Ness (who, by the way, were STILL trying to hit each other with their PK Fire attacks...). Ness took a break from attacking Kirby for a bit and charged up a PK Thunder attack. He directed the PK Thunder behind him and hurled himself as a rocket against Donkey Kong, which electrocuted the giant ape and sent him flying into the air.
Kirby ran towards Donkey Kong and used his Final Cutter attack, slicing Donkey Kong completely in half. Donkey Kong's two pieces both fell over the edge of Final Destination.
Combatants remaining - 4
Link slashed at Kirby, and then Kirby lost his Ness copy ability. Kirby inhaled Link, then spit him out at Samus. Link threw a bomb at Samus, which she quickly responded to by hitting Link with her gun arm. She picked Link up with her Grapple Beam and threw him at Ness, who pulled out his bat and swung it with all his might at Link. The force from the bat knocked Link up into the air.
Ness charged up a PK Thunder and sent himself skyrocketing towards Link. Link blocked the attack with the Hylian Shield as Ness fell back down to the ground. Link aimed his sword downward, attempting to impale Ness through the head...
As Kirby inhaled Link before he could do anything. Kirby spit Link out onto the ground, then jumped into the air. Kirby turned into a stone, and crushed Link's arm under his body. Ness then approached Link, and used PK Fire to roast him. Link had turned completely to ashes.
Combatants remaining - 3
Ness then saw that he had to make a choice - who was more of a threat? He had been watching Samus this entire time, and he deemed her as the bigger threat. Ness ran up to Samus and hit her with his bat, but her armor blocked the hit almost completely. Samus kicked Ness in the face then fired a charge shot.
But the Eaglelandian wasn't going to give up! Ness used his PSI Magnet to absorb Samus' Charge Shot, then used his PK Thunder on Samus. She got electrocuted by the attack and was rendered immobile, then Kirby took this opportunity to inhale Samus.
Samus found herself in Kirby's stomach dimension as a gigantic, astral Kirby approached her.
Combatants remaining - 2
Back in the battle, Kirby was now wearing Samus' helmet. Ness faced Kirby directly.
SUDDEN DEATH. GO!
On the screen, Ness and Kirby had their percentages completely at 999%. One more hit would certainly do the other in.
Kirby charged up a Charge Shot, and Ness ran at Kirby with his bat ready. Kirby quickly ran out of the way and continued charging. Ness fired a PK Thunder, and Kirby rolled out of the way again. Ness fired a PK Fire, and ducked under the attack.
Then, Kirby had the Charge Shot completely charged up. Kirby fired the Charge Shot at Ness, who turned around in horror to look at the pink puffball-
And was okay because of PSI Magnet. Dumbfounded, Kirby dropped his Samus power and inhaled Ness. Ness tried desperately to get away, but then he found himself in Kirby's stomach dimension too.
But Kirby didn't want Ness' powers this time. Kirby spit Ness out so quickly, that he flew all the way off of Final Destination and into Master Hand! Ness's body exploded upon contact.
GAME!
THE WINNER IS... KIRBY!
Kirby did his victory dance while all the losing Smashers appeared in the background, clapping.
K.O.!
Results[]
Boomstick: And you guys all called Kirby Bottom Tier!
Wiz: Actually, that's Melee. But anyway, despite what the tier list may say, when examining every character, the result becomes clear.
Boomstick: I don't think ANYONE thought Pikachu or Jigglypuff had a chance. Or Yoshi, for that matter.
Wiz: But after those three were out, it took a little bit more examination in order to figure it out. Captain Falcon, while strong, isn't nearly strong enough to compete with the likes of everyone else. Fox is a good fighter, but again just isn't on the same level.
Boomstick: And Luigi, despite being faster and smarter, was otherwise outclassed by Mario, so he was kinda screwed even if the two did team up. Poor guy. Mario didn't fare much better, and Donkey Kong may be powerful but isn't quite powerful enough to go head-to-head with the big four.
Wiz: Of the big four, Link was the best strategist but simply had nothing in the way of putting down any of the other 3. Samus, while stronger than any human, just wasn't on the same level as the others.
Boomstick: And Kirby and Ness? Well, those two were almost evenly matched. But Kirby's inhale ability meant that he had the advantage over Ness in terms of attacking. Damn, Kirby's a monster.
Wiz: It doesn't help anyone's case that there's very little way of killing Kirby, anyway.
Boomstick: This twelve-way battle was a Kirby-stomp.
Wiz: The winner is Kirby.
Trivia[]
Description[]
Oh yeah, everyone's here! Well, at least everyone from Smash 64.
Interlude[]
Mario[]
DK[]
Link[]
Samus[]
Yoshi[]
Kirby[]
Cues: Green Greens - Kirby Super Star (SNES)
Boomstick: Ahhh..Planet Popstar. A..star..shaped planet populated by cute creatures, Mexican swordfighters, and possibly the strongest penguin in fiction, King Dedede (aka my Smash main!)
Wiz: It was..relatively peaceful, until an unknown being crash landed on the planet. This being was the last of the legendary Star Warriors. A race of aliens who hold extraordinary power. A race thought all but extinct. In a great war, the Star Warriors fought against Nightmare, a being of evil. Eventually, the Star Warriors were able to seal away Nightmare in the Star Rod, but many lives were lost on both sides. However, there were a few who survived. Star Warriors that would protect the universe for centuries to come. And this one may as well be the strongest of them all. The legendary Pink Puffball, Kirby.
Boomstick: Right away, Kirby proved himself as the strongest guy around. When Dedede stole the entire kingdom's food, Kirby marched right up to his castle, kicked his ass, and has been defending Dream Land ever since. Talk about an entrance! And he's not even fully developed. Yeah, there was a problem. Kirby was supposed to be asleep for 200 more years so he could fully develop, but a malfunction in his spaceship woke him up, and Kirby stayed childish. But to his credit, Kirby still manages to get the job done well. He's a powerhouse! Plain and simple.
Wiz: Kirby has an incredibly unique physique. Like a balloon, Kirby can puff himself up to be able to float in the air. His body is also quite malleable, able to be flattened, stretched apart or even torn to pieces and he'd be relatively okay. His main source of transportation is the Warp Star, a..star shaped..thing that can move at faster than light speeds.
Boomstick: But what really makes Kirby versatile is his incredible ability to copy the moves of his opponents, allowing him to learn new techniques in seconds. And how does he do that? By eating them, of course!
Cues: Masked Dedede's Theme - Kirby Triple Deluxe (Nintendo 3DS)
Wiz: More specifically, Kirby's Inhale ability is his default ability. It sucks up enemies in a powerful vortex, but it cannot suck up very large enemies. Once Kirby sucks them up, his enemies don't actually die. They get transported to Kirby's stomach dimension, an endless plane of existence that is completely empty.
Boomstick: Now that's a fate worse then death. Least you'll never run out of food, though. Anyways, Kirby looks into his stomach dimension and can call upon the abilities of the opponents that he's eaten.
Wiz: Kirby has a Copy Ability for nearly every situation. They can range from physical attacks to utilizing the very elements to his will. Fire Kirby allows Kirby to spit out flames from his stomach, or envelop himself in a fiery circle, scorching anything near.
Boomstick: Pertaining to fire, Burning Kirby wraps Kirby in an aura of fire and charges straight at his opponent. Beam Kirby gives him a staff that shoots out magic projectiles that can even be charged up for a powerful blast.
Wiz: Mirror Kirby allows Kirby to shoot off small mirror-like projectiles, that can reflect attacks. It also (and more notably) splits Kirby in two. Cutter Kirby throws blades that come back as boomerangs. Sword Kirby summons a sword that can cut through solid stone and gives Kirby some incredible sword skills. Hammer Kirby gives him a mallet that can crush anything in its path.
Boomstick: Taking a page from Bomberman, Bomb Kirby allows Kirby to toss around bombs that detonate on impact. ESP Kirby channels his inner Ness and allows him to use telekinetics and psychic based attacks, able to call upon light bursts and meteors from the sky.
Wiz: Stone Kirby transforms Kirby into near indestructible stone that is also incredibly heavy. Needle Kirby allows Kirby to sprout quills from his body for maximum stabbing effect. Tornado Kirby allows Kirby to spin so fast that he envelops himself in a miniature whirlwind.
Boomstick: Water Kirby allows Kirby to manipulate water, able to shoot it like a spout or even surf on it. And Mike Kirby..well, basically he sings so terribly, nearly everything near Kirby spontaneously combusts! (It doesn't instakill bosses though).
Wiz: Obviously, we can't exactly list all of Kirby's abilities, but we have a few more things to mention. First thing, the Robobot Armor. This pink mech can scan opponents and gain their abilities. Yes, it is something Kirby can do on his own, but the Armor strengthens those abilities and even if the armor is destroyed, it allows Kirby to keep the ability previously scanned.
Boomstick: And when Kirby eats a super strong enemy, his normal abilities will be powered up to the max with the Super Abilities. Flare Beam is a massive ball of magic electricity that can be controlled at will. The Ultra Sword is a massive blade that cuts through nearly anything.
Wiz: Grand Hammer transforms his Hammer into a massive size. But by far, his three best abilities are the Hypernova Form, Ghost Kirby, and the Star Rod.
Cues: The World to Win - Kirby Triple Deluxe (Nintendo 3DS)
Boomstick: The Star Rod is a magical wand that repels evil, obtained by Kirby absorbing his own Warp Star. It can shoot star shaped energy blasts that sometimes can blow up some of the moon. Oops.
Wiz: But by far, Kirby's strongest ability is the Hypernova form. This form is amazingly powerful. Kirby's Inhale is increased and can now cover a massive distance that can suck in planets. But in Japan, Hypernova Kirby is referred to as "Big Bang Kirby", implying that it has universal power.
Boomstick: "But Boomstick, that's an incredibly vague statement that isn't supported!" Well, that's actually incorrect. Some biographies actually support this name, describing the Hypernova/Big Bang form as that, the Big Bang. In the Japanese version of Kirby Triple Deluxe, the text actually supports this claim. The first line roughly reads "Suddenly, light appeared, shining brightly."
Wiz: The second line roughly reads "the morning fruit", and the last line reads "It was captured in the real world". Thus, the official game supports the claim. Anyways, in the Hypernova form, Kirby was able to defeat a powered-up Queen Sectonia, who had the power of four Miracle Fruits!
Boomstick: That's like..the power of four Big Bangs! Wow. But, if all else fails, Kirby has one last resort. Ghost Kirby. This form can only be accessed after his body is destroyed. His soul basically floats around and is intangible to attacks. He only has one objective. Get back to life. So, how he basically does that is pretty terrifying. He wraps them in his little cloak, ABSORBS THEIR VERY SOUL, ERASES THEM FROM EXISTENCE AND BRINGS HIMSELF BACK TO LIFE! HOLY F***!! I take back everything I said about him being cute, because..goddamn, that is SO MESSED UP!! SAKURAI, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Wiz: Calm down, Kirby usually doesn't hurt anyone unless they deserve it (and by that I mean he gets mad if you take his food). Because Kirby for the most part is a pretty happy guy. He has friends and he'll protect them from evil.
Boomstick: Okay..still doesn't excuse him from cannibalizing thousands. Semi-terrifying things aside, after all of Kirby's adventures across Happy Land and fighting weird eyeball things that give me nightmares, Kirby has done some incredibly powerful things for someone who looks like cotton candy.
Cues: Fountain of Dreams (Kirby's Adventure Remix) - Super Smash Bros. Melee (Nintendo GameCube)
Wiz: Kirby's defeated dozens of foes threatening his planet. Even in his second outing, he fought and defeated Nightmare, who's death explosion blew up most of the moon. But that feat is nothing compared to the enemies he fights now. As mentioned before, Kirby was able to defeat a powered-up Queen Sectonia, who had the power of four Miracle Fruits. This puts Queen Sectonia (and subsequently Kirby, because he beat her) at Low Multiversal levels of power.
Boomstick: Want more? Okay! Dark Mind was able to conquer the Mirror Dimension, and nearly conquered Dream Land. The Mirror Dimension is an alternate universe, and Dark Mind was not only able to corrupt it, but manipulate it in its entirety!!
Wiz: Magolor was able to create a universe that included countless stars. After Magolor was defeated (by Kirby), the universe itself began to crumble and the very fabric of it began to tear. Afterwards, Kirby was able to hold back the wave that was going to destroy the universe!
Boomstick: But don't think Kirby's all about power. Remember, he was able to take blows from all of those guys! And, Kirby's also really fast as well. At one point, he outpaced Marx and NOVA, the latter of whom was able to move from one part of the Galaxy to the next in seconds! Kirby's also comparable to Meta Knight, who accomplished something similar.
Wiz: Kirby is absolutely no slouch when it comes to anything, but there are a few weaknesses that he has.
Boomstick: Since he was supposed to be asleep for another 200+ years, he hasn't fully developed. While he is capable combat wise, he's quite naive and that often leads to him falling for his opponent's traps.
Wiz: His Copy Abilities, while useful, only last so long. They can actually be lost if Kirby gets hit hard enough. Also, while the Hypernova form and the Robobot armor, while very powerful are not invincible. And there's the fact that the Hypernova form only lasts for a short while.
Boomstick: Don't discredit him, though. As small as he is, this iconic alien continues to inspire fun - and fear - into everyone around him.
(Kirby does his victory dance after completing a stage)
Kirby: Hii!!
Fox McCloud[]
Pikachu[]
Luigi[]
Ness[]
Captain Falcon[]
Jigglypuff[]
Pre-Battle![]
Fight![]
Post-Analysis[]
Advantages and Disadvantages[]
If There Was A ScrewAttack Score..[]
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