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Starla vs Marceline
Starla vs Marceline
Season 1, Episode 4
Vital statistics
Air date November 16, 2014
Written by Awesome Betterhero
Directed by Awesome Betterhero
Episode guide
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Maxwell vs Kirby Cloudy Jay vs Flame Princess

Starla vs Marceline is a What-If? Death Battle. It pits Starla Gutsmandottir against Marceline Abadeer.

Description[]

Regular Show vs Adventure Time! This is a battle of the secondary love interests for one of the protagonists of the series. Which one is stronger?

Interlude[]

Wiz: Love interests are very key in fiction.

Boomstick: Some people have no love interests. But whoever does needs to grow up and find themself the one.

Wiz: And some people have many love interests.

Boomstick: Today, we will be looking at some secondary love interests that just didn't quite work out.

Wiz: Like Starla, Muscle Man's girlfriend, shortly the love interest for Mordecai.

Boomstick: And the vampiric Marceline, shortly the love interest for Finn. He's Wizard, and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Starla[]

Wiz: Starla is the girlfriend of Mordecai's fellow co-worker, Muscle Man.

Boomstick: However, when Starla dumped him, he got depressed and cried in the shower all day. He then became as wrinkly as a prune. A fat, old prune.

Wiz: When Muscle Man refused to do his work, the boss made Mordecai and Rigby do it for him.

Boomstick: They eventually decided that they'd had enough, and tried to find Muscle Man a new girlfriend. But during the first attempt, he ripped off his shirt and revealed that Starla was the only one for him. Man, this guy is SO entertaining.

Wiz: Mordecai and Rigby went to Starla's workplace, a girly jewelry store, and the jaybird tried to talk her into getting back together with Muscle Man.

Boomstick: The plan backfired as Mordecai's talking got Starla interested in him. Watch your beak next time, Mordecai.

Wiz: They went on only a few dates before Mordecai decided to break up with him at a coffee shop.

Boomstick: Starla then went berserk and chased Mordecai and Rigby back to the park, obliterating everything in her path. Wait, hold on. She's green, she's big, she can destroy anything she wants. Godzilla much?

Wiz: That's right. Creating explosions, stomping fissures of lava, hurtling boulders with enough force to knock down helicopters. Starla is truly an unstoppable force.

Boomstick: Then someone find an immovable object, and quickly!

Wiz: Starla once also punched the ground, creating a sonic boom of earthquake sorts.

Boomstick: A lot of force is needed to pull something like that off.

Wiz: Mordecai and Rigby managed to avoid Starla long enough to reach Muscle Man, who spoke to Starla about his feelings.

Boomstick: Starla got back with Muscle Man after a long, disturbing kiss, and they're actually engaged now.

Wiz: In one episode, Muscle Man and Starla were trying to keep away from each other for a weekend.

Boomstick: But they missed each other greatly. Their friends attempted to hold them back, but they were able to break free. Because you can't hold back love. Or me when my shows are on.

Wiz: Overblown with the emotion of love, Muscle Man and Starla were able to generate energy around themselves to increase their force. This has happened a couple other times in Regular Show.

Boomstick: So if someone makes me angry, will I be able to do that?

Wiz: Oh no, I think we've told him too much.

Boomstick: Hehehe.

Wiz: Her feats were mentioned earlier in the analysis. She is very strong and destructive.

Boomstick: However, as Mordecai and Rigby managed to avoid Starla, is there any reason why Marceline wouldn't be able to?

Wiz: Well, let's see here. The average speed of a golf cart is 15 miles per hour. That's also the average running speed of a person. However, Starla was capable of running faster than the cart, meaning that she is above the average human.

Boomstick: We should also remember that Starla stopped at certain points to hurl stuff and cause destruction. This is while Mordecai and Rigby were running.

Wiz: So theoretically, Starla would be able to catch the buddies while they're all on foot. That proves that her speed is around 20 miles per hour.

Boomstick: Seems pretty quick to me. The shockwave earthquake sonic boom thingy of awesomeness is also an attack that will allow her to reach a wide range for an attack.

Wiz: Starla has great stats and should not be underestimated.

Marceline[]

Wiz: Marceline is a good friend to Finn. And one day, she was trying to give dating advice to him.

Boomstick: Finn wanted his first love, Princess Bubblegum, to go out with him. It ultimately resulted him in getting thrown out by bananas. And now you know not to underestimate bananas.

Wiz: Finn retreated to Marceline and began expressing romance, which Marceline rejected, but they ended up going to the movies as friends.

Boomstick: They decided to leave when other watchers of the movie were showing their love with disturbing kisses. What is it with cartoons and disturbing kisses?

Wiz: Marceline is a vampiric girl.

Boomstick: She possesses vampiric powers such as flight, turning into a bat, bloodsucking, and...invisibility? What? That doesn't sound very vampiric to me. I wanna see vampiric. I like vampiric. And how does she fly without vampire wings?

Wiz: Woah, just calm down, Boomstick. It is likely that some of her powers come from her demon heritage.

Boomstick: Oh, yeah, her father is Hunson Abadeer, lord of all evil, and ruler of a dark and deadly dimension.

Wiz: Marceline often levitates around, and can go invisible to avoid being spotted by enemies.

Boomstick: In addition to a bat, Marceline can turn into other creatures. These include, but are not limited to, a bat monster, a wolf monster, and an octopus monster.

Wiz: Transforming allows her to become larger and stronger, making for some great offensive feats.

Boomstick: Marceline feeds off the color red. She can suck the color from anything, making it white.

Wiz: But it's not like that would help anything in this fight.

Boomstick: Yeah, the only color change that's going to happen here is making your opponent black and blue.

Wiz: Marceline can use telekinesis, and has done it a couple times to move picture frames and such.

Boomstick: Marceline can use necromancy to revive the dead with a special chant.

Wiz: In her first appearance, she kicked Finn and Jake out of their treehouse, as she had claimed it years before.

Boomstick: Finn and Jake found a cave to live in, but Marceline attempted to kick them out of it. By the bloodsucking method, she was able to nearly kill Jake.

Wiz: But Jake was able to use his stretching powers and survive.

Boomstick: However, this means that using bloodsucking on a non-elastic opponent should work very well.

Wiz: Like the typical vampire, Marceline is very weak to sunlight.

Boomstick: She typically wears a sunhat to prevent herself from getting burned to death.

Wiz: She'll sometimes utilize a parasol, too.

Boomstick: Really? Can she use it to glide?

Wiz: No.

Boomstick: Okay, phew. No cliches here.

Wiz: But she can use a guitar, and it doubles as an ax.

Boomstick: Musical weaponry. Nice.

Wiz: Marceline the Vampire Queen is capable of many abilities. Some of these derive from her being half-vampire.

Boomstick: And the rest derive from her being half-demon.

Wiz: Marceline is very versatile. She has skills that can get her through.

DEATH BATTLE![]

Awesome Betterhero[]

Mordecai was sitting on the couch in the house he lived in, looking in a scrapbook. He saw a picture and pulled it out. 

"Haha, gotta show this to Rigby, " he said, dashing out of the house. 

Meanwhile, Finn was sitting on the couch in the treehouse he lived in, looking in a scrapbook. He saw a picture and pulled it out. 

"Hey, gotta show this to Jake, " he said, sprinting out of the treehouse.

The two protagonists kept running until they crashed into each other, dropping their pictures. After apologizing, they got up and picked up the pictures, only to realize they both chose the wrong ones.

"I think this belongs to you," said Mordecai, returning the picture. "What is it, anyways?"

Finn retrieved his picture and returned Mordecai's. "Oh, just this girl I kinda sorta tinily minimally a little bit sorta used to date. What's your picture?"

"Same as yours. Except my girl could SO beat yours up."

"Whaaaat? No way. My girl could defeat yours in about a minute or so."

"Bring. It. On."

Later, Mordecai and Starla arrived at the same spot Mordecai and Finn had previously met, driving up in the golf cart. Finn walked up with Marceline levitating beside him. 

"Mordecai, why did you bring me here?" inquired Starla. 

"Dude, why am I here again?" wondered Marceline. 

"All you need to know is, beat up that other girl!"

FIGHT!

Starla started off by dashing and delivering a punch, that sent Marceline flying backwards until she crashed into a tree. Starla continued dashing, and performed a jumping tackle, which Marceline flew over.

Marceline swooped back downwards and attempted to bite Starla, but the green girl elbowed her in the chest, and stomped her knee.

"Ow!" Marceline pulled out her guitar axe and swung it at Starla twice, fabricating slash marks on her back. Starla jumped to the side and lifted the tree she had previously punched the vampire to, and whacked her with it. 

Marceline broke her fall by continuous flight. She landed and became a large monster, complete with numerous wrinkles, torn clothes, and vicious teeth. The girl swiftly progressed to her opponent, sending a variety of punches, kicks, and bites. 

In a Whack-a-Mole sense, Starla used her tree to try to hit Marceline, with each attempt failing. Marceline eventually smacked the tree to the side and stomped on Starla. Starla was not crushed, however. She was fighting back. Starla was preventing one appendage from defeating her. She was holding up the foot.

Starla began glowing pink. She flew forward in a zoom, pushing the vampire across the land. They crashed through Mordecai's house, and continued on the speedy flight to Marceline's house, which was completely demolished. 

"Hey, that was my house, idiot!" said Marceline, using telekinesis to lift a stone to attack Starla with. Marceline flew upwards out of Starla's grip and went invisible. 

"Where'd you go?" Starla wondered out loud. She then got attacked out of nowhere by a force. Starla attempted to punch the force, but failed. Unable to specifically target the attacker, she decided to attack all directions by punching the ground. This one punch created a massive sonic boom that reached the whole area. The debris from Marceline's house was swept aside. 

"AAAAAH!" called a voice, and a thud came from the wall. Marceline appeared, and dropped to the ground. Starla noticed a boulder, ran over to it, and hurled it onto the vampire. 

Marceline was crushed, but not dead yet. Starla believed she had won, but was surprised to see the boulder being lifted up by an octopus creature. The creature tossed the boulder to the side, and became normal Marceline once again. 

"Corpses buried in mud that's black, from death I command you to come back!" chanted Marcy. The green woman was confused at first, until seeing an army of skeletons come out of the walls and ground. The undead army lined up in front of their master, awaiting an order. 

"Attack!" And the skeletons did. They jumped on top of Starla, poking her with their weapons. Starla knocked a few away, before punching the ground again. Another boom was generated by the strike, destroying the warriors and sending Marceline to the side. 

Starla zipped to her vampire foe and prepared to finish her off. Starla got in one punch that was blocked by Marceline's parasol. Marceline leaned forward and bit Starla, sucking out her blood. The green woman dropped to the ground. 

KO!

Conclusion[]

Wiz: Starla's stats were greater than Marceline's. 

Boomstick: She was much faster and stronger.

Wiz: However, Marceline had too many abilities to lose. 

Boomstick: Flight, invisibility, telekinesis. And best of all, necromancy.

Wiz: In the end, Marceline's bloodsucking got her the ultimate, foolproof victory. 

Boomstick: Starla didn't have the resistant powers Jake did.

Wiz: The winner is Marceline. 

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