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Star-Lord VS Pandora
Star-Lord VS Pandora
Season 2, Episode 3
Vital statistics
Air date March 15th, 2015
Written by AgentHoxton
Directed by AgentHoxton
Episode guide
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Star-Lord VS Pandora is a What-If? episode of Death Battle, and the thirteenth episode of AgentHoxton's Death Battles. It features Star-Lord of Marvel Comics and Pandora of DC Comics.

Description[]

Marvel VS DC! Star-Lord, founder of the Guardians of the Galaxy, has to take on one of his toughest opponents yet - the mystical anti-hero Pandora! Will his human-Spartoid physique overcome the unleasher of the Deadly Sins?

Interlude[]

Wiz: Some comic book characters become who they are in sometimes very mysterious ways. And these two characters are prime examples of this.

Boomstick: Star-Lord, guardian of the galaxy...

Wiz: And Pandora, harbinger of the Deadly Sins.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

Star-Lord[]

Wiz: On the fateful day of February 4th, 1962, many planets in the galaxy perfectly aligned. And on this day, under this very phenomenon, young Peter Quill was born. However, the man who claimed to be his father saw no connection between these two things, accused his own wife of infidelity and tried to kill him at a young age. But his life was abruptly cut short by a heart attack.

Boomstick: That's... oddly convenient.

Wiz: It only seems to get worse from here. After returning home following a run-in with a bully, aliens arrived and killed his mother and attempted to kill him in an attempt to end the Spartoi bloodline. However, Peter was able to kill these homicidal aliens before retrieving a strange device and running from his home, just seconds before an alien ship destroyed it.

Boomstick: Aliens are dicks, folks. Remember that. Anyway, after that strange little run-in with aliens, he escaped an orphanage he was put into and became a trainee astronaut at NASA themselves, where he encountered yet ANOTHER alien! Yet this one wasn't particularly interesting in clawing his guts out and said that the role of Star-Lord was open to a worthy candidate. And for those out of the loop... it's essentially being a cop. Except you're the cop of the FUCKING GALAXY!

Wiz: Peter signed up for the spot, but was rejected in favour of a colleague of his whom he treated badly in the past.

Boomstick: Karma strikes at the worst possible time...

Wiz: Enraged at being left out of this role, Quill disobeyed NASA's orders to return to Earth and stole a scoutship, where he returned to the space station under his colleague's position, and became Star-Lord from that moment onward. As a hybrid between a human and what is known as a Spartoi, his attributes are incredibly high. His strength is equal to the limit of the human body, and his durability allows him to take most blows and remain standing.

Boomstick: His enhanced agility makes athletes look lazy and his stamina is at superhuman levels, since his body removes all the fatigue-building crap. And he also has increased learning capabilities, meaning he has quicker mental information processing. Does this mean he can, y'know... SEE FASTER?

Wiz: ...No.

Boomstick: Figures.

Wiz: Anyway, his human-Spartoid physique works well in conjunction with his skills. He is a great martial artist, pilot and marksman, able to use all kinds of firearms from across the galaxy, which also helps as he has universal knowledge on such things as well as various alien customs. He is also a very good tactician and even holds a healing factor and a force field.

Boomstick: He wears the Kree Heat Dampening Espionage Battle Suit - God DAMN that is a mouthful - which comes with his iconic suit, a battle helmet and a translator device.

Wiz: The helmet in particular analyses strategy data for Star-Lord as well as improving vision and regulating a field of oxygen around him. Even while in space.

Boomstick: He also carries twin Kree Submachine Guns that use all kinds of ammunition, including EXPLOSIVE ROUNDS! Dude's ballin'!

Wiz: But his greatest weapon is the indestructible Element Gun. This weapon generates Water, Fire, Earth and Wind generated from teleported materials from the planet R'Ralmis, and cannot be fired by anyone else except for Star-Lord. However, its power is limited to that of Star-Lord's willpower. This gun can gain massive destructive potential, particularly if Star-Lord amps it up.

Boomstick: Captain Planet would be proud. Or mortified. Maybe both.

Wiz: Star-Lord has racked up incredible achievements over his career. He has achieved being able to hold off Thanos with only the assistance of Nova, and had formed the team of the Guardians of the Galaxy. And with his Element Gun he blew away an Ariguan warship and melted through highly advanced Meylan Construct robots. And that's just with the fire ability!

Boomstick: Having said that, though, he does often abuse his power as the leader of the team. He forced Mantis into manipulating the other members to join his cause and has committed over 350,000 counts of murder, which I'm PRETTY sure would get you sentenced for life. But maybe he's still out there because no-one wants to cross a galactic badass like Star-Lord, as he will save the day, whatever it takes to get there.

Star-Lord: I come from Earth, a planet of outlaws. My name is Peter Quill. There's one other name you may know me by. Star-Lord. 

Pandora[]

Wiz: Ancient Macedonia, circa 8000 BCE - yes, "BCE". A young woman was foraging for berries in an attempt to aid her sickly son. She didn't find the berries in her search. But what she did find was a strange skull-like structure. And after opening this structure, her life would never be the same.

Boomstick: Literally.

Pandora has opened the box, releasing the Deadly Sins. Screaming is heard in the background.

Wiz: What she found was what could essentially be called Pandora's Box, as the Deadly Sins were unleashed into the world and infested her village, also knocking her unconscious.

Boomstick: And people say DRUGS are powerful things!

Wiz: Upon waking back up, she found that her village was ravaged by the spirits inside the box, and her ill son in particular had been taken over by the spirit of Wrath. Everyone was murdering one another senselessly.

Boomstick: It's like Super Smash Bros with more violence... and without the use of thought.

Wiz: This woman then was transported to the Circle of Eternity, where she found herself alongside The Question and The Phantom Stranger, being presented before the wizards of the Rock of Eternity to be punished. Pandora was the last to gain her punishment, forced to wander the world for eternity to watch the pain that she had unleashed onto the world - becoming Pandora.

Boomstick: She was then brought back to her village where the spirits had left the village behind, but the damage had been done - her people had been killed off. She buried her tribe and sat by their graves until trees grew over them... oooookaaaay... and then began her eternal walking of the Earth.

Wiz: The spirits of sin hung around her wherever she went, occasionally mocking her and calling her "Mother", trying to manipulate her into supporting them. No matter hard she tried to save people from these spirits, many died in the process. So in order to combat these spirits, Pandora learned various forms of magic and martial arts. She also gained superhuman durability and stamina, as well as self-sustainability and the ability to teleport.

Boomstick: Then she gained some guns - her twin M1911 pistols. She learned how to focus her magic through these things and even got some special polymers and shock buffers from Wayne Industries to give her absolutely no recoil! Yep - she got her guns upgraded by the god-damn Batman!

Wiz: She also uses throwing knives which hold Semtex charges in the hilts, which essentially means she has explosive throwing knives, and also uses her Kusamigara - basically a chain sickle - made from Depleted Promethium. She is also adept in swordplay, archery and advanced hand-to-hand combat, and has incredible marksmanship.

Boomstick: So not only can she cut open a bitch, she can BLOW 'EM UP, TOO!

Wiz: ...Yes.

Boomstick: Nice.

Wiz: Anyway, her magic combined with her martial arts skills makes Pandora one formidable opponent. She has been able to resist the spirits of sin for years and even bested the Phantom Stranger in a one-on-one duel. She is also also very elusive, being able to avoid capture by Steven Trevor and escaping with Pandora's Box.

Boomstick: She even teamed up with The Flash to help bring together the DC, Vertigo and Wildstorm timelines. Now THAT must take a lot of work.

Wiz: However, this does not come without drawbacks. She is very stubborn, wanting to do things her way regardless of what other people may think. She even betrayed the Phantom Stranger in an attempt to reach her goal. And, for some bizarre reason, she cannot open Pandora's Box, nor has she found the individual who could have the power to open it.

Boomstick: Now that is irony if ever I saw it.

Wiz: But with her magical powers and deadly skills, Pandora is prepared for anything.

A frame of Pandora is shown pointing one of her pistols forward. A gunshot is heard as the frame suddenly cuts to black.

DEATH BATTLE![]

AgentHoxton[]

Star-Lord was walking along the plains of what seemed to be an empty planet back towards his Ship, ready to continue travelling the galaxy. However, he noticed a figure was stood there in front of the ship, as if she was waiting for him. A purple cloak, a mysterious glow in her eyes... what could she want?

Star-Lord: Uh... can I help you?

Pandora tightened her gaze.

Pandora: I was told to look for an individual to help me with my task of reshaping the universe. For the benefit of everyone else.

Star-Lord: Uh... yeah. Like I'm gonna believe that.

Pandora frowned, her eyebrows furrowing.

Pandora: Well, if you cannot help me with my task...

She draws her pistols...

Pandora: Then you will only be useful if you're dead.

Star-Lord jumps back.

Star-Lord: What, you think you can take me down? Don't think so!

And with these words, Star-Lord draws his twin Kree submachine guns. Both are now ready to fire at one another.

FIGHT!

Pandora begins by opening fire on Star-Lord, who ducks behind a rock structure. After a few seconds of waiting, he jumps back out and fires his submachine guns at Pandora. Pandora runs away from the bullets before teleporting out of the line of fire and teleporting onto the top of a rocky structure. Pandora shoots at Star-Lord again, who runs out into the line of fire, tanking some of the shots before leaping up onto the rocks and pulling her down by her cloak. Pandora hits the ground as Star-Lord lands back on the surface. She gets up and dusts herself off.

Pandora: Is that all you wish to do?

Star-Lord: Far from it.

Star-Lord puts away his guns as Pandora withdraws hers. Both rush at each other and exchange blows with one another at close range, with Pandora seemingly taking the edge. However, Star-Lord ducks under one of Pandora's punches and sends one of his own to her gut before pulling out the Element Gun and firing a blast of wind at Pandora, launching her into the sky. After getting tossed, Pandora teleports back to the fight, draws a throwing knife and tosses it as Star-Lord's feet. Star-Lord stares at the knife, then looks to Pandora.

Star-Lord: Wow, that was a lame thro--

Star-Lord is cut off as the Semtex charge explodes, knocking Star-Lord off of his feet and spilling him onto the ground. Pandora approaches and draws one of her pistols, takes aim at his head, and fires...

...the bullet doesn't hit.

Star-Lord had activated a force field of some kind. Pandora tries again twice more with no success. Star-Lord cracks his knuckles as he readies up.

Star-Lord: Time to heat things up around here!

Star-Lord whips out his Element Gun and blasts flames at Pandora, who teleports before the flames hit her. She teleports right behind Star-Lord and takes out her Kusamigara. Pandora blasts Star-Lord away with a barrage of pistol shots before swinging her Kusamigara around over her head and then whipping it in Star-Lord's direction, slicing into him with the blade. She then pulls, dragging him further in as she connects with a pistol shot directly into his chest before swinging the Kusamigara again, and continuing to do so, continuously slicing through Star-Lord until he falls just out of range of the blade. Star-Lord gets down on his knees as he analyses the data in his helmet.

Star-Lord: So she can teleport like that, and she's got a fair bit of endurance and agility... what can I do...?

Pandora once again swing her Kusamigara over her head and whips it in Star-Lord's direction. This time, however, Star-Lord catches it, and pulls, sending Pandora flying towards him. Star-Lord attempts to punch Pandora upon contact, but she teleports behind him again. She punches him twice, but Star-Lord quickly turns around and parries her punches afterwards. After a few failed attempts to punch him, Pandora teleports away, back onto the same rock structure from earlier. She draws another knife.

Pandora: You people are all the same... always wanting to make things so difficult for yourselves...

Pandora throws the knife directly at Star-Lord. Star-Lord, having learned from his first experience with this knife, rolls under it and jumps into the air after it detonates, sending him launching towards Pandora with a hail of Kree Submachine Gun fire. Pandora raises her arms to shield herself from her bullets, but gets kicked by Star-Lord, sending her crashing to the ground again. Star-Lord jumps off of the structure again and prepares to shoot Pandora. However, Pandora shoots hers once, causing Star-Lord to stagger back and allowing Pandora to teleport away from him again.

Star-Lord: Look who's... making things... difficult for themselves...?

Pandora: You know... nothing about my power!

Pandora tries her Kusamigara one last time, swinging it at high speed and launching the blade at Star-Lord. However, Star-Lord takes out his Element Gun and blasts fire at the weapon, causing it to melt completely. Star-Lord then sprints towards Pandora, who attempts to shoot Star-Lord down with her pistols. However, he reaches her with incredible speed and blasts flames at her, causing her pistols to melt as well as blinding Pandora. Star-Lord, seeing the opportunity, pulls out the Element Gun once more and points it at Pandora, blasting flames at her. After a few seconds, Star-Lord was standing over Pandora, who was reduced to ashes by the Element Gun's flame. All that was left was fragments of Pandora's burning cloak.

Star-Lord: That was some battle. Now don't you threaten the galaxy with your ideas again, you hear me?

K.O!

Star-Lord's ship takes off as fragments of Pandora's burning cloak begins to blow in the breeze.

Results[]

Boomstick: *whistle* Talk about being lit up!

Wiz: While Pandora was definitely elusive and more superior at close-range, when it came to overall combat ability, Star-Lord had her almost completely outclassed.

Boomstick: His Human-Spartoi build makes him stronger and gained him matched agility, and he can go much longer with endurance than Pandora, as his body actively removes fatigue toxins in his body, not to mention his healing factor helped with damage reduction!

Wiz: While Pandora also had superhuman durability, stamina and self-sustenance, Star-Lord's superior technology and physical build trumped over her, particularly his Element Gun. Remember that the Fire ability blew away an Ariguan warship as well as melted highly advanced robots, meaning Pandora's arsenal was mostly useless against that one weapon alone. With reduced options, Star-Lord could easily take the advantage.

Boomstick: Star-Lord sure turned up the heat!

Wiz: The winner is Star-Lord.

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