| Squidward Tentacles vs Meg Griffin | |
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| Season 5, Episode 17 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | December 27, 2016 |
| Written by | Maxevil |
| Directed by | Maxevil |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Ruby Rose vs Will Vandom | Neo vs Arachnid |
Squidward Tentacles vs Meg Griffin is a What-If? Death Battle.
Description[]
SpongeBob SquarePants vs Family Guy! Which of these two iconic victims of torture porns can survive in this fight?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Torture Porns, the media genre best known for copious amounts of pain and suffering.
Boomstick: Which is the opposite of regular porn, and I still can't more of those with my ex-wife in them.
Wiz: And these two cartoon victims come to mind the most often.
Boomstick: Squidward Tentacles, the grouchy squid of Bikini Bottom...
Wiz: ...and Meg Griffin, the unpopular teenage girl from Quahog.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And no matter how much physical abuse these two can take, it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Squidward Tentacles[]
Wiz: In Bikini Bottom, Squidward Tentacles is the grumpy octopus who works at the Krusty Krab as a cashier, and is a neighbor to SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star.
Boomstick: Two of the most prickiest pricks ever to exist on the planet, ranging from this...
SpongeBob: Almost done with the... (Patrick uses SpongeBob as a gun to fire paint shots in Squidward's face)
Squidward: AHH! MY EYES!
Boomstick: ...to even that.
Squidward: Fi-ga-AHHHHHHH!
Wiz: Which are the many reasons why he would try and get away from SpongeBob and Patrick as quick as possible via moving out.
Boomstick: His clarinet has been known for being his best musical instrument, despite the fact that he cannot play so good on it.
(Squidward plays his clarinet music on Astrology with Squidward)
Wiz: Though it is used for certain other properties, like when SpongeBob admitted that he used it to unclog his toilet.
Boomstick: Too much info on that, Wiz. Anyhow, he also knows certain karate after some tutoring from SpongeBob and Sandy.
Wiz: Speaking of, currently Squidward and Sandy, alongside Plankton and Gary are known to be the only wise characters of the show, due to the rest of the show's characters being idiots. He also has some surprisingly good stamina at times, like when he survived some crashing falls that also included explosions at the end.
Boomstick: Plus, like SpongeBob, Patrick and Sandy, Squidward has two superhero egos.
Wiz: That's right, the first is Captain Magma, one ego from Mermaid Man's group of underwater superheroes whose power is to spew out very hot magma from the top of his head by saying a magic word.
Boomstick: And it is not 'Please', either.
Squidward: KRAKATOA!
Wiz: His other superhero form is the most popular one from Squidward's costumes, the Sour Note, a superhero with a clarinet that he can summon and when he plays it, the instrument emits loud enough music that can shatter glasse and make anyone who can hear it go deaf, leaving him open for an attack.
Boomstick: Too bad it won't get rid of that G1 Strawberr...
Wiz: Enough, Boomstick, we get it, SpongeBob is ripping off the first generation version of Strawberry Shortcake, you do not need to keep telling us that! (sigh) anyways, WWhile Squidward is known for being beaten upon the world these days, he has accomplished certain. Such as, despite hating to go Jellyfishing with SpongeBob and Patrick, he actually invented the activity back in the prehistoric days of Bikini Bottom when he was time traveling.
Boomstick: And when he went into crazy mode at the end of his day as an art teacher, he made an absolute replica of a naked man with a conch shell covering his testicles for censorship.
Wiz: He also made an musical number for a symphony orchestra to play while being nearly distracted by SpongeBob doing a medical operation on Patrick's back side.
Boomstick: If he can do all that, there will be a chance that he will be victorious, and maybe move from the two pricks he hates the most.
Squidward: SpongeBob, the remotes broken. Get over here and fix it.
SpongeBob: I have a better idea. Why don't I get someone whose *job* it is to fix it. See cause when I need a *job* done, I get somebody with a *job* to do that *job*.
Squidward: What are you saying?
SpongeBob: Aaaaah!
(screams loudly and pushes Squidward's bed to the Krusty Krab)
Meg Griffin[]
Wiz: Meg Griffin is the daughter and only child of the Griffin household.
Boomstick: Too bad for her that she is never accepted in the family a lot, even that bitch for a mom herself, Lois, didn't want anything to do with her. Hell, her father, Peter Griffin, repeatedly farts in her face via putting her face in his ass.
Wiz: And if that wasn't bad enough, she gets more abuse ranging from punches in the face, hit with baseball bats, and even shot in the back by native South Americans.
Boomstick: Holy shit, that is some hardcore stuff.
Wiz: But she is no stranger to fighting though, as she is quite the capable fighter in her rights, ranging from punches and kicks to even wrestling moves.
Boomstick: And she can also wield a gun at one point and even have retractable fingernails that are like wimpy rip-offs of Wolverine's claws, and her ego that is mixed with the Exogorth from Star Wars when the Family Guy gang take on their rendition of the famous trilogy.
Wiz: And unfortunately that is about it. But She can still be a good person if her folks and the other Family Guy characters show her at least some certain respect for once in their lives.
Meg: From the moment you gave birth to me, I had to trust you. I had no choice. I needed you to protect me from the world to, to be my guide, to help me navigate the difficult, confusing, and vulnerable journey to becoming a person. You have done NONE of those things! You're my mother and you took a child's trust and smashed it into bits in a seventeen-year long mission to destroy something that you killed a long time ago! And honestly, when I turn eighteen, I... I don't know that I ever want to see you again!
Intermission[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
Fight[]
We open up at a beach to where we see the unpopular girl from Quahog herself, Meg Griffin, who is fed up with being neglected by the characters from her show, that decides to take her time off to head over to a beach, and when she got there, she noticed a light green cephalopod in a brown shirt named Squidward Tentacle who is playing his clarinet badly. Meg could not take much more of the sound that she snatches Squidward's clarinet and breaks it in half and tosses it into the Trash. Squidward was very mad about that, Meg read Squidward's emotions and the two get to their fighting poses.
FIGHT!
Squidwsard starts by Spinning around to give Meg some whacks across the face, but Meg grabs one of his tentacles to force him into a stop, and slams him from side to side until Squidward squirts some ink into Meg's face and it blinds her for a while; he then goes to put on his Captain Magma out fitand launchesmagma at Meg, who then screams in pain untilshe gets in the ocean, then decides to go turn herself into an Exogorth, and tries to inhale Squidward in her mouth like a vaccum cleaner; of cousre the Captain Magma suit does slip off of him in the process, as well as various things hit Squidward on the way, including a recycle truck filled with broken glass, giving him some certain slashes as well as entering in Meg's mouth which would cause her to cough and roar in pain. Squidward then takes the chance to pull out a magical book page to write and become the Sour Note, even summoning a new clarinet to replace the one Meg destroyed earlier. And when he blew into it, the sound sent the Star Wars Monster version of Meg so powerful that she landed in the crater of an active volcano burning her up for good.
K.O.!
Squidward/Sour Note then returns to the ocean to confront the obnoxious neighbors of his.
Results[]
Boomstick: Damn!
Wiz: This was nowhere a close call of a match, as even though both combatants did come from 2 of today's most hated cartoons, let's face it, Squidward was superior compared to Meg.
Boomstick: It was enough torture of a porn for this battle.
Wiz: The winner is Squidward Tentacles.
Trivia[]
- This is Maxevil's ninety seventh Death Battle.
- This is Maxevil's fifteenth 'Battle of the Genders themed Death Battle, the first fourteen are Lucas vs Blaze (a crossover with SuperSaiyan2Link), Leonardo vs Sam, Greninja vs Mai Shiranui, Knuckles the Echidna vs Erza Scarlet, King K. Rool vs Gruntilda, Yoshi vs Kazooie, Blastoise vs. Katara, Rattlesnake Jake vs Scarlet Overkill, Morrigan Aensland vs Autistic Prince, Tai and Agumon vs Lucy Heartfilia, Dark Pit vs Jeanne, Majin Buu vs Sailor Moon, SpongeBob SquarePants vs Ariel, and Ash Ketchum vs Nia; and the next one is Neo vs Arachnid.