Description[]
Nickelodeon vs Nintendo, which of these two childish, cute and lighthearted powerhouses with a malleable body will win in a battle to the death?
Interlude[]
Boomstick: Life tip number one: Don't judge a book by it's cover. People might look cute on the outside, but inside they could be your doom.
Wiz: Such is the case with Kirby, Nintendo's pink puffball of happiness and dreams.
Boomstick: And SpongeBob SquarePants, Bikini Bottom's annoying and childish resident, and savior of the world!
Wiz: Just to be clear, SpongeBob will have access to his magical page.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's out job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
SpongeBob[]
(SpongeBob Closing Theme - SpongeBob SquarePants)
Boomstick: Are we out of ideas? Why are we doing SpongeBob again?
Wiz: Because it's a good match for him, Boomstick!
Boomstick: Well, regardless. Down under the sea, at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, lives a weird kitchen sponge with a dumb starfish and a mean squid.
Wiz: SpongeBob SquarePants is a naïve worker at the Krusty Krab where he makes Krabby Patties and foils Plankton's plan to steal the formula.
Boomstick: Where he doesn't know how to drive.
Wiz: Well, yes.
Boomstick: Is SpongeBob actually a fighter, at all?
Wiz: If you paid attention in our last SpongeBob fight, you'd know, but yes, SpongeBob is a fighter, and a pretty capable one at that.
Boomstick: Oh, yeah? Dazzle me.
Wiz: Well, starting off...kind of weak. SpongeBob's strength varies from being strained by pushing buttons on a TV remote to dragging around a huge anchor in the 'Employee of the Month' episode.
Boomstick: Wait, he was strained by pushing TV remote buttons?!
Wiz: Actually, his arm fell off
Boomstick: Jesus Christ....
Wiz: However, he was able to drag around anchors, and his strength really is inconsistent. Sometimes he can't lift a glass of juice, and sometimes he can lift up a crab with a huge stone rock in his pocket.
Boomstick: But...hang on, he's fast enough to tag a pelican flying right by him? Holy crap, for a guy who's only 10 centimeters tall, catching a pelican flying at around 32 kilometers per hour is insane!
Wiz: And while in the Quickster suit, he was able to run to a mountain and back in less than a single frame, or about 1/24 of a second.
Boomstick: Woah.
Wiz: And being a sponge and a cartoon character, he is super absorbent to liquids like water and tears. There's actually never been a cap on how much SpongeBob can absorb.
(Ocean Man Instrumental - The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie)
Boomstick: But he's also super absorbent to damage. He literally didn't feel being beaten up by Flats the Flounder for days, wherever he went! He only really noticed Flats was there when he collapsed from exhaustion a few days later.
Wiz: What SpongeBob lacks in strength and speed he makes up for in sheer toughness. Scientists like Boomstick and I that analyse these characters for battles have come up with a theory that might explain why SpongeBob can do all sorts of crazy things: Toonforce.
Boomstick: Essentially, toonforce allows characters like the Mask, SpongeBob and Bugs Bunny to do anything they want, as long as they find it even the littlest bit funny. With toonforce, SpongeBob can split into smaller versions of himself, survive being turned to ash and dust, stretch his limbs and more!
Wiz: SpongeBob has done a lot with toonforce. He has shapeshifted multiple times, survived being out of water (which will be important later), removed and replaced his limbs, even eating his arms like popcorn and regenerating from almost any amount of damage.
Boomstick: Like when he survived that large explosion at the end of Dying For Pie.
Wiz: Using the depth of the Pacific Ocean (10.91 kilometers deep) and scaling to the size of the Tsar Bomba, the largest nuclear explosion on Earth, we can tell that the explosion at the very least, had to be almost 8 megatons of TNT.
Boomstick: Fun fact: the Tsar Bomba was tested at a 50 megaton explosion, and it could've been tested for a 100 megaton explosion, which could've boosted the numbers.
Wiz: And with his toonforce, SpongeBob can pull almost anything out of his pocket he wants, no matter how big it is with an ability known as hammerspace.
Boomstick: With hammerspace, SpongeBob never needs a backpack and uses his hammerspace to help him achieve almost anything with his special tools.
Wiz: SpongeBob's best melee weapon is his sentient spatula named Spat. He uses it like a makeshift blade, and it has port and starboard attachments on its side and a turbodrive feature.
Boomstick: But SpongeBob has much more than that. Being...basically a child in a sponge's body, he has an abundance of bubbles! Using his special technique, SpongeBob can use many different bubbles in battle. He can use them to trap his opponents, blow different animals and weapons to fight with and even sentient bubble people! He once even created a bubble bomb that destroyed a brick wall!
Wiz: His bubbles were even powerful enough to lift up a large rock like Patrick's house as a form of air travel.
Boomstick: Ha, ha! Let me try that.
Wiz: Don't...Anyway, SpongeBob is also highly proficient in karate, being almost as good as Sandy. In the episode Karate Choppers, they were literally equal in power. He can even manipulate sand, creating things like tanks, explosives, castles and sentient beings that can help attack his opponent in battle.
Boomstick: SpongeBob can do some weird things, okay? He can even drive freaking rocks! Take that Squidward! You cynical son of a bi-
Wiz: Woah, woah, woah, woah!
Boomstick: ...Sorry.
Wiz: There ya go. While trying to rebuild his house, he was able to resist gravity and float through the air while nailing planks together. Also, while twisting a bolt in with a wrench, he TURNED THE EARTH OVER and changed the gravity around! He was able to resist this as well, as shown when Patrick Star is affected by the gravity and falls through the sky.
Boomstick: SpongeBob, with toonforce, can enter people's dreams and change them, and is completely unaffected by usual mind-control things. SpongeBob once ate a fruitcake that supposedly turned people into jerks and it had no effect.
Wiz: Using toonforce/hammerspace, he can use the Magic Pencil, something that can create, manipulate and erase objects from existence. This is what spawned the infamous DoodleBob, who used the Magic Pencil to terrorise SpongeBob and Patrick, it can create bowling balls, holes and erase things. It can almost warp reality.
Boomstick: Oh, you wanna talk about warping reality? Take a look at the magical page. With this magical page which is lodged in his mind, SpongeBob can erase things from existence, warp reality, control the plot of the story, create anything and change anyone in whatever way he feels like, even granting him and his friends superpowers!
Wiz: Being lodged in his mind, SpongeBob can telepathically use the magical page in any way he wants. Speaking of telepathy, he can read people's mind, as he did when Patrick was copying him.
Boomstick: Using the magical page, he can become the Invincibubble, he's much stronger, tougher and faster than his base form, and can create almost invincible bubbles. He has unlimited stamina and a bubble-creating antenna.
Wiz: He can even create a huge wave of bubbles to knock over, disorient and damage opponents.
Boomstick: But he has some weaknesses which are both big and small. He's absurdly weak physically, as we've discussed previously.
Wiz: He's also a bit of an idiot. He's able to be easily tricked and manipulated, such as when he was unable to say 'no' to people, got an abrasive side and was then possessed, was tricked into driving everyone away by Plankton, and was tricked by, you guessed it, Plankton that he was nice.
Boomstick: He's pretty naïve, innocent and optimistic, so he doesn't really get serious for a fight unless the battle really calls for it. He can get easily distracted and is childish and is easily excited.
Wiz: And still has somehow never passed his driving test.
Boomstick: Ah well. As long as he has enough to stand up to Kirby.
(Kevin: Punch yourself in the face.
SpongeBob does so with a boxing glove.
Kevin: Doesn't that hurt you?
SpongeBob: (holds up a spiked boxing glove) Do you...want it to hurt me, Kevin?)
Kirby[]
(Green Greens - Kirby Super Star Ultra)
Wiz: When you think of Kirby, what is the first thing you think of?
Boomstick: A pink puffball of cheer and dreams who spreads joy to everyone! Right, Wiz?
Wiz: Exactly, but what people probably don't know that Kirby is one of the only survivors of a large battle between the evil Nightmare and the Star Warriors, at the cost of many, many lives. Kirby was sent off to a distant planet where he would eventually wake up and save the universe.
Boomstick: But he's such a kind and powerful hero, no-one could possibly try and take over his planet, right?
Wiz: Well, they shouldn't try to take over Popstar, Kirby's home planet, as this pink puffball is much more than meets the eye. Kirby is a mass murderer and cannibal who thrives off the consumption of others.
Boomstick: What?!
Wiz: Yes, just watch him...devouring everything...just for being there...once he even went on one of these mass murders because someone stole a piece of his food.
Boomstick: Woooooow. Mean.
Wiz: What? To who?
Boomstick: Both of them. I mean, I understand, I would go on a mass murder if someone stole my beer, but-
Wiz: OKAY! Moving on!
Boomstick: Kirby's main ability you probably all know him for is his Inhale and Copy ability. Kirby can create a GINORMOUS vortex with his mouth, able to wrap his mouth around and eat huge things like a forest...or a big dinner table.
Wiz: But it gets pretty bad. The creatures Kirby inhales don't die in the general sense, instead, they go to a different dimension. You heard me right. Kirby's stomach is a whole DIMENSION by itself.
Boomstick: And while enemies are in there, Kirby can copy their abilities and use it to his advantage. He can even call upon this power later, as long as the enemy is still in his stomach.
Wiz: And there are so many different copy abilities to mention, so we'll go through the most common ones.
Boomstick: I mean, he has copy abilities like Yo-Yo and UFO...Yeah...Let's go through the main ones!
Wiz: Fire Kirby allows Kirby to utilize pyrokinetic abilities like creating and manipulating fire however he wants. He can even survive intense heat while in this form.
Boomstick: Ice Kirby is the same, but with Ice instead of fire. He can freeze just about anything in a matter of seconds. With Hammer Kirby he becomes a beast with a hammer and can crush just about anything under his might.
Wi: Sword Kirby is a master with a blade. He can even fire beams of energy out of his sword like Link, which can cut through almost anything.
Boomstick: Say, why don't we put Link and Kirby in a battle to the death.
Wiz: Boomstick...(whispering)
Boomstick: Whaddya mean Kirby'll win!?
Wiz: Ah! Moving on!
Boomstick: Wheel Kirby is fast enough to roll around the whole of Popstar in under 2 seconds. With Mike Kirby, he can sing so terribly that everything dies and with Stone Kirby, he is almost indestructible and can crush just about anything.
Wiz: With Fighter Kirby, he becomes a black-belt martial artist. You could put Fighter Kirby vs Ryu and Kirby would probably win most of the time.
Boomstick: But the real question is...who would win between us, Wiz?
Wiz: What?
Boomstick: Stick 'em up, come on!
Wiz: Boomstick...
Boomstick: FIGHT!
(There's a loud bang along with yelling and the sound of someone falling on the floor.)
Boomstick: Ugh...No fair! You had your robot arm!
Wiz: Heh, heh, heh. Anyway, Water Kirby can manipulate the water around him, even being able to survive underwater without aid.
Boomstick: I thought he could already do that...
Wiz: Just don't get it mixed with Electricity. Speaking of, Spark Kirby is able to shoot electricity and create an electrical shield around him, able to get any machine up and running.
Boomstick: But the thing with Kirby's Copy Abilities is that they don't last. One good hit and it's gone but he can also catch is quickly before it disappears and use it again.
Wiz: The strangest thing about Kirby is that he can enter his own stomach dimension and hand-pick a Copy Ability to use, so he never really needs to swallow his enemies, he can just go into his stomach and use one.
Boomstick: But we're forgetting one more. His ultimate Copy Ability, Hypernova Kirby. With Hypernova, Kirby can swallow enemies he couldn't before, even going so far as to eating whole bosses, the freaking health bar and even planets, if he tries hard enough.
(Boss Music - Kirby's Return to Dreamland)
Wiz: But sometimes Kirby just needs to go fast and what better way to go fast than with the Warp Star, his personal vehicle. The Warp Star can travel at light speeds and is quite delicate, and even though it's made of Kirby's own energy, he uses a phone to call one.
Boomstick: EVEN THOUGH HE CAN CALL IT WITH HIS BRAIN! Ahem, excuse me.
Wiz: It's alright.
Boomstick: But he can do one more thing with the Warp Star. If he eats it, he can create the Star Rod, his ultimate weapon. The Star Rod is powered by dreams and can destroy evil, kinda like Zelda's Light Arrow. Hey! Maybe we sho-
Wiz: NO! What did I just say?!
Boomstick: Uh...
Wiz: Don't answer that. Anyway, the Star Rod can obliterate most of the moon. However, even without items, Kirby is one tough son of a gun. He is strong enough to crack a planet in half, fast enough to run on water and...
Boomstick: Is tough enough to survive a planet exploding without a scratch, survive being crushed by almost any amount of weight and can even throw half of his body away as a weapon or something and he can even survive being shattered into pieces, which then formed into smaller Kirbys!
Wiz: He's even strong enough to bat a meteor 9999 light years away from him, a light year, if you didn't know, is about 9.46 trillion kilometres long, or about 5.88 trillion miles.
Boomstick: Holy hell!
Wiz: Even without taking this into account, Kirby is able to throw a monster on a frying pan through a castle roof, fly towards the Sun, circle it, and then fall back down to Earth with a cooked Monster, which King Dedede decided to taste.
Boomstick: That's got to be one of the weirdest things I've ever seen.
Wiz: But even with all this power, Kirby has one big weakness: He's a baby and has yet to mature. He's a little unintelligent, so he won't be making any genius strategies mid fight.
Boomstick: He's also 8 inches tall. But holy hell, does this baby have a lot of power on his side!
(Kirby does his famous ending dance.)
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
Poll[]
Death Battle[]
It was a normal day for SpongeBob. It was midday, he was in the Krusty Krab making Krabby Patties. He was in bliss, unaware of the new arrival into the shop. Mr. Krabs was in his office, counting money like any regular day, he savoured the feel and the metallic smell of the coins, the scent of the bills. Squidward was ignoring the customers, reading a magazine about music or a beauty magazine or something. Patrick Star was also there, chomping down on one of many Krabby Patties at his table.
They were all unaware of the new arrival. The bell for the door opened and a pink puffball stepped inside the Krusty Krab. This arrival had been exploring the ocean, looking for food to satisfy the hunger in his belly. He had heard of a restaurant that made the most delicious burgers in the town. Squidward looked up as the bell dinged, but he didn't see anything. It was only when a noise that sounded suspiciously like 'Poyo!' sang from his post. Squidward looked around, seeing nothing. The 'Poyo!' sound rang out again. Squidward looked down.
He saw the puffball there, unbeknownst to him, the puffball's name was Kirby. Kirby pointed up at the sign, intelligible gibberish issuing from his mouth. Squidward sighed.
"We serve food here, sir." He muttered sarcastically. Kirby frowned. He pointed at the sign again, speaking a language only he must've understood. Squidward stared at Kirby, eyelids half closed.
"We don't serve that here. Get out, please don't come back." He guessed. Kirby stamped his foot before jumping up and punching the sign that said 'Krabby Patties' shattering it into a gazillion pieces. Squidward let out a small noise of surprise as a chunk of wood with the word 'Krabby Patty - $2.99' engraved on it. Kirby jumped up and pointed at it. Squidward sighed and pulled out a notebook, wrote down the order and placed it on a yellow sponge's forehead forcefully.
"SpongeBob! Krabby Patty. Make it snappy." He yelled. SpongeBob pried the paper off of his forehead and looked at it for a second.
"OKAY! Squidward! One Krabby Patty coming up!" SpongeBob screamed. Squidward recoiled as the sound entered his ears.
"Yeah...HURRY UP!"
"Here you go, Squidward." SpongeBob said quickly, holding up a plate with the burger on it. Squidward sighed and snatched the plate off of him, handing it to Kirby.
"One Krabby Patty, served with a smile." Squidward sighed, not smiling in the slightest. Kirby took the plate and ran over to an empty table. He placed the burger on the table and opened his mouth wide. A large vortex sucked the burger into his mouth. Kirby swallowed it in one bite. The taste was delicious. It was like a carnival in his mouth.
"Wow!" Kirby exclaimed, holding his hands to his face in surprise. He looked over at Squidward and pointed at the plate, then back at SpongeBob. Squidward sighed deeply and turned to the yellow sponge.
"That cotton candy ball wants more." He said. SpongeBob saluted and created another in the blink of an eye. Kirby shook his head and pointed at the plate.
"He wants more."
"Comin' UP!" SpongeBob yelled. He made more and more, Kirby never being happy with the number of burgers on his table. SpongeBob made more Krabby Patties and only stopped when they reached the roof. SpongeBob wiped his forehead and turned to Kirby.
"Heh. Enjoy. Service with a smile!" SpongeBob said to Kirby, grinning from ear to ear. Kirby opened his mouth and the vortex that issued from it sucked them all in. Kirby gulped...and they were gone. He sighed contently nd got up to leave. SpongeBob happily strode over and handed Kirby the bill.
"1200 dollars!" SpongeBob said happily as he gave Kirby the bill. Inside Mr. Krabs' office, the crustacean had just finished counting money as he heard SpongeBob say '1200 dollars'. Mr. Krabs gasped and stars appeared in his eyes. He whooped at the top of his lungs and burst through the window on the door. He landed in front of Kirby and held him in a tight embrace.
"Now, PAY UP." Mr. Krabs yelled happily. Kirby stared at them blankly, not understanding the fact that he needed to pay for his food. He simply turned and walked out. Mr. Krabs stared at him leaving the building and his eyes cracked, SpongeBob turned to Mr. Krabs and yelled in fear. The crustacean's eyes had just shattered.
"FREE...FOOD?!" Mr. Krabs screamed, he was furious. Steam was bellowing from his mouth and nose. SpongeBob got a jug of water and poured it down Mr. Krabs' mouth. The smoke turned to steam as Mr. Krabs rounded on SpongeBob.
"SPONGEBOB!" He yelled. "GET THAT CUSTOMER, HE'S LEAVING WITH ME MONEY!" SpongeBob looked between Mr. Krabs and the door that Kirby just exited from.
"But Mr. Krabs!" He responded fearfully, "I might be gone the whole day-"
"What a shame." Squidward said sarcastically.
"Who's going to make the Krabby Patties?" SpongeBob asked. Mr. Krabs simply approached him.
"Get that customer...or you're FIRED!" Mr. Krabs screamed. SpongeBob gasped fearfully and zipped out the door, as fast as the wind.
"And when you get the money...don't come back. Ever." Squidward muttered below his breath. SpongeBob was panting while running. Kirby was in the distance, on the road in front of his home. Kirby turned when he heard SpongeBob's squeaky shoes.
"WAIT! STOP!" SpongeBob yelled. Kirby stopped. SpongeBob ran into him, knocking them backwards. SpongeBob panted.
"Sorry sir, but you need to pay for those Krabby Patties." SpongeBob said, still happy, but a hint of frustration in his voice. Kirby stared at him blankly. SpongeBob put a finger to his mouth, considering the fact that Kirby may not understand. SpongeBob reached into his pocket and pulled out a dollar.
"See this? This is a dollar. You need 1200 of these to pay for your food." SpongeBob explained. Kirby looked at the dollar. Green...clams on it...a fish in the middle...this must be food! Kirby inhaled deeply. The dollar flew out of SpongeBob's hand and into Kirby's mouth, who swallowed it in one.
"Uh...You ate...my dollar..." SpongeBob said quietly. Kirby started to walk off. SpongeBob ran up to him again.
"Sir? You need-"
WHAM!
Kirby released his hand and punched SpongeBob away, annoyed with his constant, high-pitched, annoying voice. SpongeBob hit the ground and splatted on the ground, before quickly reforming.
"Sir?" SpongeBob asked, quietly. Kirby turned to SpongeBob. He was so...annoying! Kirby stared at SpongeBob, ready to fight.
"Uh..." SpongeBob began. Kirby took a step back and looked at SpongeBob.
"I don't want to use force to get you to pay..." SpongeBob said. Kirby took a step back. Was he going to use force? Kirby thought for a second...If this yellow sponge was going to use force, then Kirby needed to get him first.
FIGHT!
Kirby rushes to SpongeBob and released a flurry of punches to the sea sponge, who doesn't feel anything. He smiles slightly. Kirby continues to punch him. SpongeBob starts to giggle from the attacks, Kirby continues. SpongeBob then breaks into a fit of laughter. Kirby stops punching and holds his head where his ears would be. The noise grates into his ears. SpongeBob continues laughing. Kirby screams and runs away. SpongeBob stops laughing and wipes a tear from his eye.
Kirby runs back and sucks in a lot of air. SpongeBob looks at him as he speeds towards him. SpongeBob raises his fists and gets ready for an attack, but Kirby stops. SpongeBob is taken aback and moves backwards. Kirby spits out a large yellow star towards SpongeBob. The star smacks into SpongeBob's chest and sends him skidding across the floor. SpongeBob gets to his feet and spins around, suddenly putting on karate gloves.
"Wanna spar? I love to spar!" SpongeBob says brightly. He holds his hands up towards Kirby, who simply stares at him. SpongeBob's arms stretch, blasting towards Kirby. His arms both smack Kirby in the face before they wrap around him and tie Kirby in a knot. SpongeBob then bites off his own arms. Kirby exclaims in shock as SpongeBob's arms quickly regrow. SpongeBob pulls out a packet of bubbles and dips the wand into the bottle. SpongeBob's arms and mouth stretch until they're right in front of Kirby's eyes. SpongeBob drifts the wand in front of his mouth, takes a deep breath...and blows.
At once, a stream of bubbles fly out of the wand and float right into Kirby's eyes. Kirby yells in pain and uses a burst of adrenaline to free himself from SpongeBob's arm knot and punch him away. SpongeBob rolls across the floor. Kirby celebrates before quickly closing his eyes, projecting his body into his stomach dimension. Kirby spots a mallet-wielding enemy and his astral form sucks it up. Immediately, Kirby in Bikini Bottom holds a mallet and is now wearing a headband.
"Ouch. You know, violence is never the answer!" SpongeBob yelled. Kirby glares at SpongeBob and rushes towards him. SpongeBob gasps heavily and watches helplessly as Kirby jumps in the air and slams the mallet on top of SpongeBob. Sand and dust kicks in the air from the impact SpongeBob yells out and Kirby grunts in happiness. He lifts the hammer off of the now puddle that once was SpongeBob.
Kirby sighs in satisfaction and starts to walk away. SpongeBob starts laughing again. Kirby turns, surprised. SpongeBob is just standing there, MENACINGLY.
"Bahahahahaa! Oh, that was fun!" SpongeBob laughs, inadvertently taunting Kirby. He takes a step back to look at SpongeBob, just standing there as though nothing happened to him.
"Hey! Wanna see my technique?" SpongeBob asks, as though he was a kid of the school playground. Kirby stands his ground, but is confused and, being honest, slightly intrigued. SpongeBob smiles.
"Great! First you go like this..." He explains, while lifting his leg up behind him. "Then this..." He spins around for about a second.
"Stop! Then double take three times! One, two, three!" He yells while double-taking. SpongeBob grins.
"Then...PELVIC THRUST!" SpongeBob screams. He pelvic thrusts to his left, then to his right again, landing on his right foot afterwards.
"Stop on your right foot! Don't forget it!" SpongeBob assures Kirby. Then, he stands and moves his torso around in a circle in the air.
"Now it's time to...bring it around town! Bri-ing it around TOOOWN!" He says while doing so. SpongeBob then starts to jump around for 6 seconds randomly, making stupid poses while doing so.
"Then you do this, and that, and this, and that, this and that, this and that, and then..." SpongeBob says quickly before lightly blowing into his bubble wand. A bubble the size of buildings blow up from the wand before it breaks from the wand and floats towards Kirby, who stares in awe. The bubble starts to envelop Kirby, whose still just staring, mesmerized.
The bubble starts to lift off the floor, carrying Kirby with him. SpongeBob waves at him as Kirby rises past the houses. He starts to panic and punches the bubble, which doesn't budge. Kirby beats on the bubble until he gets tired. He starts to panic. SpongeBob starts to laugh rather uncharacteristically.
"Now pay for the burgers!" SpongeBob yells. Kirby continues to panic, before closing his eyes and focusing. Suddenly, a sword appears in Kirby's hand.
"Huh?!" SpongeBob exclaims. Kirby slices downwards. A beam of energy erupts from the sword and cuts through the bubble like it was nothing. SpongeBob's mouth gapes, hitting the floor. The sword beam flies through the water, straight for SpongeBob. The sword beam slices through the yellow sponge, splitting him in half. Kirby smiles and rushes towards SpongeBob before constantly slicing at him from all different angles. SpongeBob's two halves blink. before suddenly crumpling into many tiny SpongeBob squares.
"You know what's better than 1 SpongeBob?" SpongeBob's mouth, which was lying near the pieces, all by itself.
"50!" The mouth yells, before the little SpongeBob cubes all pop onto little SpongeBob's. They each all pull out a spatula and press a button on its handle. Two more spatula heads pop out from the side and spin rapidly. Kirby turns to run, but the tiny SpongeBob's have already formed a circle around him.
"FOR THE KRUSTY KRAAAAAB!" The SpongeBob's all scream, it was unmistakably a battle cry. The SpongeBob's all leap in the air on top of Kirby, slicing and dicing him with the spatula. The spinning spatula heads whack as Kirby, some SpongeBob's even biting Kirby. the 50 SpongeBob's quickly get off of Kirby and form back into one SpongeBob, who pulls out a jellyfish net.
The discombobulated Kirby doesn't react to the net swishing towards him and is caught in the net. SpongeBob's free hand rummages through his pockets before pulling out a jar, and inside the jar? A jellyfish. SpongeBob twists the lid off of the jar. The jellyfish swims slowly towards Kirby and rubs two stingers together. SpongeBob watches silently as the jellyfish grabs onto Kirby, stinging Kirby.
Kirby lets out a scream of pain and jumps upwards, breaking through the net. SpongeBob quickly blows up a bubble-bomb and rests it underneath Kirby. When Kirby lands on it, the bomb explodes, blasting Kirby into the air once more. Kirby quickly adapts to this and holds his sword downwards, aiming to slam it on SpongeBob's head. SpongeBob quickly pulls out his spatula to parry the attack.
The two weapons let out a metallic CLANG! as they slam into each other. SpongeBob and Kirby both try and outlast each other in this sword clash, but Kirby gets the better of SpongeBob as he punches SpongeBob in the chest and slices SpongeBob in half horizontally. SpongeBob's top half flips over and lands back on his body perfectly. Kirby grunts and throws his sword at SpongeBob. He lets out a scream and holds up his spatula, which hits the sword, bouncing it up into the air. Kirby rushes forward and jumps in the air, catching the sword. He swings it downwards towards SpongeBob...
CLANG! SWISH!
The two halves of SpongeBob's faithful spatula fall on the ground. SpongeBob looks at Kirby and chuckles, cheeks red. Kirby grunts in concentration and lands a mean uppercut on SpongeBob, blasting him towards the surface. Kirby jumps up to meet him an uppercuts him again. SpongeBob flies up further. Kirby drops his sword and another hammer appears in his hand. He winds up his shot. SpongeBob yelps in fear.
Kirby yells and swings the mallet upwards, smacking SpongeBob in the backside. SpongeBob flies upwards and breaks through the surface of the water, landing on the island that's oh so similar to the one at the start of every SpongeBob episode.
SpongeBob holds a hand up to block out the sun. He looks around, confused.
"Hm. I don't see that guy any-" Is all SpongeBob gets out before his arm snaps off and hits the ground. SpongeBob freezes. A faint sizzling noise enters his ears. SpongeBob looks at his other arm, which also snaps off.
"AH! I'm on land!" SpongeBob groans. He falls on his back, his legs curling up, dried out. He panics for ideas. Kirby jumps out of the water and looks at the dying sponge.
"You...come closer..." SpongeBob whispers to Kirby. Kirby walks up closer to SpongeBob, who smiles slightly.
"I guess this is the end of my story." He says, chuckling slightly. Just then, SpongeBob's eyes light up and a lightbulb appears above his head.
"Story...Page...story page...My page!" SpongeBob blurts out, suddenly full of energy. SpongeBob closes his eyes and focuses on the Magic Page inside his mind.
SpongeBob's mind.
A little SpongeBob walks up to the Magic Page, holding a feather dipped in ink. He holds a finger to his mouth, thinking. Suddenly, another SpongeBob walks in and yells, making the other SpongeBob yell and drop the feather.
"The boss wants us to make him breathe on land! Quit standing around, what do I pay you for?!" The Boss SpongeBob yells. The other SpongeBob picks up the feather and turns on the boss.
"You don't pay me at all. We're just a clever image used to portray the abstract idea of thought." The Worker SpongeBob says bluntly. The Boss SpongeBob looks at him, angry.
"One more crack like that and you're out of here!" The Worker SpongeBob falls on his knees and holds his hands out, clasped together.
"No, please! I have three kids!"
"Then get back to work!" The Boss SpongeBob replies before leaving. The Worker SpongeBob sighs and wipes his forehead. He moves the feather closer to the page.
"What am I supposed to write...Hm...Maybe land breathing? No. Uh...OH! Not-water breathing! No...Oh! Air-breathing! There we go..."
The Worker SpongeBob writes the words 'Air-Breathing' and sighs in relief. The Boss SpongeBob claps him on the back.
"Job well done!"
Back on the Island.
SpongeBob opens his eyes and takes in a deep breath of fresh air. He breaths deeply, his chest inflating like a balloon every time he inhales. Kirby looks at him as he gets up and brushes himself off.
"Whoo, close one!" He says to himself, happy once more. Kirby takes a step backwards and grunts angrily. He closes his eyes again. In a second, his head ignites into flames. SpongeBob, surprised, jumps into the air. Fire Kirby grins at SpongeBob menacingly. SpongeBob starts to run away, but Fire Kirby runs after him, spewing flame his way. Fire Kirby shoots a gust of fire towards SpongeBob, who jumps to the left. Fire Kirby blasts fire to the right, SpongeBob jumps to the left.
SpongeBob quickly morphs himself into a giant fan and blows wind at high speeds, which blow the fire back towards Kirby. Kirby envelops himself in fire, protecting himself. The flames just become one with the crowd. Fan-SpongeBob slowly stops spinning as Kirby blasts more fire at him. This time, however, the fire hits. SpongeBob screams like a little girl and runs around hysterically. Kirby stares at him, slightly amused. Kirby stops smiling when SpongeBob runs into a tree. SpongeBob falls onto his back, the flames finally extinguishing. SpongeBob breathes heavily, but stops when he notices the tree catch fire.
"Oh no! What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?!" SpongeBob screams. Kirby sighs and pushed SpongeBob to the side. He closes his eyes and now, instead of Fire, Kirby now has a head with a vortex of water. SpongeBob stares as Kirby blasts water at the tree, slowly extinguishing it. SpongeBob gets an idea and dips his finger in the water. At once, SpongeBob starts to absorb the water, becoming bloated and soaked. He waddles over to the tree and expels the water from his holes, putting out the last of the fire.
SpongeBob and Kirby both start to dance in celebration. They dance to imaginary music and even high-five, before reality hits them again. Kirby suddenly stops dancing and glares at SpongeBob. He blasts water at SpongeBob, who absorbs it and blasts it back at Kirby, ultimately doing nothing. Kirby facepalm and quickly places himself in the stomach dimension. He floats around until he finds an enemy with a microphone. He quickly sucks it up.
Kirby opens his eyes once more. SpongeBob spots and points to the microphone now in Kirby's hand.
"Oh, are we going to sing now? I'll go first! Mr. Sun came up and he-" SpongeBob said, but Kirby punched him to get him to sing. Kirby then held the mic up to his mouth and basically screamed in it. SpongeBob's heard loud sounds before but wow, that is something. SpongeBob holds a hand to his stomach.
"I don't feel-"
BOOM!
Kirby stops singing and looks around for SpongeBob, finding nothing but a crater and a bit of smoke. He starts to turn around when he spots SpongeBob's bright blue eyes pop out of the smoke. A mouth quickly follows.
"What smells?" He asks innocently as his nose pops up from the smoke. Kirby yelps and with a POP, SpongeBob returns to normal. SpongeBob puts his karate gloves back on and winds up his arm.
"I love karat-e!" He yells happily before landing a heavy punch on Kirby. He screams as his Mike ability disappears from the hit. Kirby's eyes tear up and he falls on the sand and smacks the ground angrily. SpongeBob smiles and pulls out a pie, the pie from Dying For Pie, in fact. He walks over to Kirby and places the pie next to him.
"Here." Kirby looks at the pie and immediately regains a good mood. He happily sucks up the pie as SpongeBob watches giddily. Kirby sighs before they both hear a faint boom in Kirby's stomach. Kirby yells and SpongeBob gasps happily. Kirby looks at SpongeBob angrily and opens his mouth and starts to suck. A large vortex starts pulling SpongeBob towards Kirby's outstretched mouth.
"No..." SpongeBob grunts. He quickly spins in a circle and dons his Quickster outfit. SpongeBob, now the Quickster, runs as fast as he can, slowly escaping the vortex. Kirby sucks harder, but it is in vain, as SpongeBob breaks free from the vortex and runs around the island three times, hitting Kirby with an outstretched arm every time he ran past him. Kirby grew more and more angry and eventually called in the Warp Star, which crashed in front of him. Kirby hopped on it.
The Quickster ran towards Kirby again, who quickly started up the Warp Star. As the Quickster ran past Kirby once more, Kirby sped with him on the Warp Star. The Quickster expected Kirby to be long behind him, so he was incredibly surprised when he saw Kirby flying past him, the Warp Star faster than the Quickster. Kirby jumps off of the Warp Star and punches SpongeBob, tripping him up. The Warp Star fell to the ground and got stuck in the sand. SpongeBob pries his head from the sand and saw the Warp Star right in front of him.
SpongeBob quickly pulled out his bubbles and blew another bubble-bomb. He placed it next to the Warp Star and ran away. The bomb explodes, sending it flying, broken, towards Kirby's feet. Kirby looks at it and instead of reacting, sucks it into his mouth and eats it. SpongeBob runs back and looks at Kirby as he pulls out his ultimate weapon: The Star Rod.
Inside the Krusty Krab
Mr. Krabs is pacing along the floor in front of the door. Squidward is sitting at the cash register, still reading the magazine and Patrick sitting in the corner, eating another Krabby Patty.
"Where is that boy and me money?!" Mr. Krabs shouts to no-one in particular. Squidward looks up and sighs, exasperated.
"Mr. Krabs, maybe he's gone to Atlantis, chasing that guy...missing out on a whole day of work...Lucky duck."
Patrick looks up and chimes in the conversation. "Maybe SpongeBob and that pink guy are in a destructive battle to the death on the island above the water."
Mr. Krabs and Squidward stare at Patrick, surprised. Patrick sees their reaction and deflates. "Or...maybe he's gone to Atlantis!" He yells. Mr. Krabs stares at Patrick before continuing his pace. He's already changed the sign from 'Open' to 'Closed', something that tore at his heart a bit.
"Well, this is on his time. I'm taking this time out of his paycheck..." Mr. Krabs mutters.
Back on the Island.
Kirby points the Star Rod at SpongeBob and charges up his Star Rod. SpongeBob pulls out a guitar and strums a tune, energy charging at the tuning area in the shape of two G's. Kirby yells and releases the beam of energy as SpongeBob does the same. The yellow and blue beams of energy collide and clash together. SpongeBob strums faster as Kirby blasts more energy from the wand. The beams seem to be at a standstill...
"I'm...A...GOOFY...GOOBER!" SpongeBob yells, strumming as fast as his fingers would move. A bead of sweat forms on Kirby's head as the blue beam starts to overpower the yellow. SpongeBob strums harder and harder...
SNAP!
SpongeBob's fingers snap off from the speed at which he was strumming. The blue energy beam immediately dissipates. The yellow beam of energy blasts forward. SpongeBob holds his fingers as the beam blasts right through his chest. SpongeBob screams as a yellow glow shines through his holes. In a flash of yellow light, SpongeBob blasts into a million tiny, yellow globs of sea sponge. Kirby sighs. There's no way he could regenerate from that...right?
Wrong. The clumps of sponge slowly move towards each other and smoosh together until SpongeBob reforms with a pop. Kirby grunts in anger. He's tried everything! He blasted him apart, squashed him, sliced him, burnt him, what else is there to do?
But Kirby knows. SpongeBob sighs in relief. Kirby yells and runs up to SpongeBob. He grabs SpongeBob by the shirt and throws him back into the water. Kirby jumps on top of him and blasts him downwards with a punch. SpongeBob zooms towards the ground and hits it with a SPLAT! But he quickly reforms. Kirby lands in front of SpongeBob and holds his hands up. He's ready, but so is SpongeBob. SpongeBob uses the Magic Page inside his head one last time...Kirby takes a step back. SpongeBob isn't the weird square thing he knew, SpongeBob was now wearing a superhero costume, he was muscly and had a bubble wand on top of his head. This was the Invincibubble.
"Now I'm serious!" The Invincibubble yells. He takes a deep breath as Kirby runs towards him. Bubbles fly out of the bubble wand on the Invincibubble's head, out of his mouth and holes. Thousands of bubbles. They form a large tsunami like wave of soap. Kirby grunts and enters his stomach dimension one last time.
The Miracle Berry inside Kirby's mouth glows. The glow eclipses the whole screen...
Now Kirby is rainbow. He's filled with power. As the bubbles bear down on him, Kirby starts to Inhale like he's never inhaled before. The bubbles stand no chance and are swallowed up by Kirby. SpongeBob continues blowing bubbles, but sweat is forming on his head, he's losing his energy.
The attacks stop as both SpongeBob and Kirby revert to normal. Kirby takes the advantage of SpongeBob being tired and delivers one punch that sends the sponge flying through the water, landing in front of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs quickly slams the door open and runs to SpongeBob, pulling him up off the ground.
"SpongeBob, me boy! Did you get me money?!" He said, relieved.
"No. Listen, Mr. Krabs! That puffball!"
"Yes?"
"Well, he-"
"Go on..."
"He...He...HE'S TOO STRONG! I CAN'T GET THE MONEY!" SpongeBob screams before bursting into tears. Mr. Krabs pats him on the shoulder.
"It's okay, boy." Mr. Krabs mutters to SpongeBob. Kirby flies in on his Warp Star and stares at the blubbering SpongeBob evilly. He jumps up in the air and slams his fist into the ground. He hops on his Warp Star as cracks appear in the ground. The camera zooms out.
The Earth slowly splits into two and rumbles. The force of Kirby's punch causes the Earth to explode. In a flash of blinding light, the Earth detonates and time stops.
SpongeBob is sitting on the ground, crying.
Mr. Krabs is patting him on the back.
Squidward is midway through turning his page of the magazine.
Patrick is chewing on a burger.
Kirby is flying away.
The camera zooms out to the Earth again and time resumes. The flash of light in accompanied by a large BOOM! and the contents of the Earth bursting. With the flash of light, everything that SpongeBob has ever held dear is reduced to nothing. SpongeBob, his friends, jellyfish fields, his house, everything. Deleted. Not even ash. Just...gone. If there is something good to say about this it's that they died a painless death. They didn't feel anything.
A tiny yellow speck flies away from the exploding Earth, the only survivor in the battle between SpongeBob and Kirby.
K.O!
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: Woah! That was explosive!
Wiz: This fight is actually closer than you might first expect. In physical feats, Kirby blew SpongeBob out of the water. He can survive a planet exploding in his face, can crack a planet in half and with the Warp Star, can move at light speeds.
Boomstick: Yeah, if it was a physical contest, this would've been over in like, 10 seconds, but there's more to a Death battle than physicality.
Wiz: Specifically, SpongeBob's toonforce made this a closer battle. He was nearly impossible to put down due to his malleable body and toonforce abilities like stretching arms and hammerspace.
Boomstick: Hammerspace was especially tricky for Kirby to deal with, since SpongeBob could pull out anything as much as he wants to, meaning that if his weapons break, he could easily get another.
Wiz: But the Magical Page is also one of Kirby's tallest hurdles to overcome, with the Page's reality warping and power bestowal abilities, Kirby had no control over the fight...right? Wrong.
Boomstick: See, you might be thinking that SpongeBob could just wish Kirby out of existence, right? Well, not quite. For a couple of reasons, actually.
Wiz: The simplest explanation is that Kirby is so much more powerful than SpongeBob so he could just beat him before he had a chance to use it, but the second and third are much more obscure.
Boomstick: Which is that Kirby has actually kind of survived this before. When fighting a handicapped Drawcia, who sent a deletion wave across the world that Kirby was fine standing in.
Wiz: However, this might not even be Existence Erasure, so it's kind of silly to completely base it on that. However, SpongeBob is the nicest guy on Earth, and thinking to erase someone from existence is not the first thing that would jump to his mind, even if he was on the brink of death.
Boomstick: Yeah, and also, he barely has any experience with it in the first place.
Wiz: Exactly. Kirby is also more skilled and experienced in a duel will help him beat SpongeBob in a Death Battle.
Boomstick: Buuuut SpongeBob might be smarter than Kirby, who is a baby. You got one, buddy. You got one.
Wiz: Kirby can even stop time, which is another reason why SpongeBob wouldn't be able to erase him from existence.
Boomstick: Ouch.
Wiz: SpongeBob may have been a tricky opponent thanks to his toonforce abilities, but Kirby's greater strength, speed, durability, skill and experienced won this bout in the end.
Boomstick: Looks like SpongeBob wasn't the star warrior in this fight!
Wiz: The winner is Kirby.
