| Who's Fighting To The Death Under The Sea? | |
|---|---|
| Season | 2 |
| Season Episode | 2 |
| Air date | May 24, 2020 |
| Written by | Professor Mewtwo |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Trafalgar Law vs Overhaul |
Next Satsuki Kiryuin vs Jeanne |
SpongeBob SquarePants vs Fishy Boopkins is a What-If? Death Battle created by Professor Mewtwo it features SpongeBob SquarePants from the TV show of the same name pitted against Fishy Boopkins from the web series SMG4.
Description[]
SpongeBob Squarepants vs SMG4! These two happy-go-lucky residents of the sea have had many crazy adventures, but they've never been in a fight to the death until now. Though they might appear puny, their nonsensical abilities are sure to make this a clash to remember.
Poll[]
Got any roots or bets? Make sure to vote in the discussion poll!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Friends can be found far and wide, whether they be from beyond the stars, distant lands, or even the depths of the sea.
Boomstick: But don't expect those friends to be super bada**, some of them are complete softies.
Wiz: Like SpongeBob SquarePants, Nickelodeon's super-absorbent golden boy.
Boomstick: And Fishy Boopkins, the rarest fish in the seas of SMG4. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
SpongeBob SquarePants[]
Wiz: Deep below the sea, in the small town of Bikini Bottom, legend tells of a hero hailed as the destroyer of evil with power that the gods bow before him.
Boomstick: With a bio like that, you would be expecting some sort of underwater Superman, but no. This hero is a fun-loving sponge that lives in a pineapple, and unless you’ve never watched TV before, you would recognize this goofy character as the one and only: SpongeBob SquarePants.
Wiz: Even before he was born, SpongeBob has had one goal in his life: to work at an infamous restaurant called the Krusty Krab and make Krabby Patties. He trained himself to become a master fry cook, and at a young age, he could effortlessly make his own patties, eventually getting him the job as the Krusty Krab’s one and only fry cook.
Boomstick: ...And that's about it for the little guy’s backstory. What, were you expecting some sort of deep character development or something? Don't worry, SpongeBob isn’t all about cooking wet burgers. He enjoys catching jellyfish, practicing karate, and causing all sorts of trouble with his endless hijinks.
Wiz: To the citizens of Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob is kind of a double-edged sword. On one hand, they rely on his compassion to help them with any problem big or small, but on the other hand, all it takes is this seemingly scrawny sponge to throw the town into chaos.
Boomstick: Like the multiple times SpongeBob accidentally destroyed the town trying to pass his boating test, and he’s failed it over a million times. I know that feeling, I kept failing my driving test until I learned that the secret to passing was to not drink beer while driving.
Wiz: And yet you wonder why I never trust you behind the wheel.
Boomstick: Hey, my driving skills are a lot better than you think. Remember that time I drove us to work blindfolded. You said we would die immediately, and yet here we are… can’t say the same for the Boomstick-mobile.
Wiz: Moving on, there is a reason SpongeBob has so much destructive potential. As a cartoon character, he has access to Toon Force, a supernatural phenomenon that allows its user to defy the laws of physics as long as it is done in a comedic fashion.
Boomstick: Like any Toon Force user, SpongeBob can shapeshift however he likes, allowing him to stretch his limbs, squeeze through objects, and shrink his whole body. Plus given how malleable he is, he can absorb all sorts of physical blows like he’s made of some sort of spongy material. On the off chance, SpongeBob is harmed, his body can heal REALLY fast, even regenerating whole limbs in an instant.
Wiz: Spongebob’s regeneration isn’t entirely based on his Toon Force abilities. Real-life sea sponges can regenerate any part of their body that has been lost or damaged. As for the aforementioned lost parts, they can regenerate too, creating another sponge in the process. SpongeBob can utilize this ability to create clones of himself whenever he wills it.
Boomstick: And like the sponge in my kitchen sink, SpongeBob is absorbent and yellow and porous, allowing him to absorb water and blast it out like a godd*** canno-Hey wait a minute! Is he absorbing water that’s underwater? How the hell does that work!?
Wiz: Honestly, this paradox should be the least of your concerns, especially since SpongeBob has physics-breaking abilities that prove to be more absurd. Such as how he can defy the laws of gravity and even alter them unintentionally. In addition, he has various means of teleportation, including one that rides transitions in-between scenes.
Boomstick: So he’s capable of breaking the fourth wall just like-
Wiz: SHHHHHHHHH! Don’t say “his” name. You know what will happen.
Boomstick: Oh yeah. That was a close one. Anyways, if SpongeBob’s natural abilities aren’t enough, he’s got one last Toon Force power up his sleeve: Hammerspace. This allows him to carry any kind of object in his pockets, even if the size won’t allow it, and while his arsenal is basically infinite, SpongeBob does have his personal favorite tools.
Wiz: His trusty spatula is primarily used for flipping Krabby Patties, but it also makes for a surprisingly effective weapon. It's incredibly durable, heat-resistant, and sharp enough to be used as a sword.
Boomstick: If that’s not enough, SpongeBob has a hydro-dynamic spatula with three blades for three times the action, and it lets him fly. As for SpongeBob’s other improvised weapons, his jellyfishing net Ol’ Reliable captures his prey in its ever-expanding mesh and his bubble blower is a tool of endless mayhem. With a single breath, SpongeBob can make anything out of bubbles like bombs or a “definitely not a JoJo reference” bubble giant.
Wiz: And yet that isn’t the strongest weapon in the sea sponge’s arsenal. When SpongeBob needs to get serious, he busts out a gun that fires rounds of condiments, and his trump card is the Goofy Goober Guitar. By strumming this instrument, SpongeBob can create a level of rock and roll so intense that it generates destructive electrical blasts with enough power to spread through all of Bikini Bottom.
Boomstick: Those guitar solos would look so frickin awesome if he wasn’t wearing a D&D costume. Still, for a simple sponge trying to have fun, SpongeBob has quite a lot of feats under his belt… not that he’s wearing one.
Wiz: He’s been to many insane places including Shell City and RandomLand, both of which were considered impossible to escape from, but SpongeBob managed to do so in the usual eleven minutes. SpongeBob has also washed his hands so fast they disintegrated from friction, evaded lightning blasts from a giant jellyfish robot, and intercepted cannonballs from only a few feet away.
Boomstick: As a fan of cannons, I have to give the little guy credit. The fastest cannonball can move almost 560 miles per hour, and he casually caught each cannonball like a boss. And despite how SpongeBob normally appears too weak to lift anything, he’s actually strong enough to move an anchor four times his size and topple buildings just by running into them.
Wiz: And most notably, SpongeBob’s Toon Force makes him almost indestructible. SpongeBob can survive cutting himself to pieces, being punched hard enough to turn into liquid, complete disintegration, and yet he comes back unharmed moments later.
Boomstick: Plus he survived this:
Boomstick: Ah the classic pie to the face. It never loses its comedic touch.
Wiz: The resulting explosion of this pie was enough to reach the clouds on the surface and resembles the nuclear explosions from the post-World War II experiment known as Operation Crossroads. The detonations from that experiment each had a yield of 23 kilotons of TNT, and SpongeBob survived an explosion with the same amount of power.
Boomstick: D***, endurance alone is enough to let SpongeBob stand up to just about anyone. Just one small problem, he’s 4 inches tall and can’t breathe on land, there’s no way he would win with that disadvantage.
Wiz: That may be true, but SpongeBob was later given the ability to breathe on land thanks to a god-like dolphin, and after acquiring a page from a magic book, he used it to turn himself into the superhero: Invincibubble.
Boomstick: Now much larger than his old self, Invincibubble is a force to be reckoned with. Not only is he way more powerful in this form, but he can generate an infinite amount of bubbles from his body like a living-bubble wand of doom. It’s surprisingly effective for what may just be the lamest superpower I ever heard of.
Wiz: All this proves SpongeBob is willing to go the extra mile to help his friends and pursue his passions. He’s protected the Krusty Krab from the evil genius Plankton, became a fry cook worthy of Neptune’s praise, and has even saved Bikini Bottom from ruin time and time again, but that doesn't make him perfect.
Boomstick: Like any hilarious cartoon character, SpongeBob is an idiot and never bothers with thinking, usually the source of the trouble he causes. And because of how nice he is, the yellow sponge is extremely gullible making it easy to deceive and manipulate him.
Wiz: Sure Toon Force can ensure that he will survive whatever is thrown his way, but this ability has a habit of being rather inconsistent. For example, he once got severely injured by slipping on an ice cube despite his pain absorption and regeneration normally being able to undo the damage, implying that Toon Force can’t protect him from everything.
Boomstick: Still, no amount of flaws could keep everyone’s favorite sea sponge down. As long as there are Krabby Patties to be made and grumpy neighbors to annoy, SpongeBob will never stop doing what he does best. There's a reason he's been a childhood icon for over 20 years.
SpongeBob: I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
Phil: What?
SpongeBob: Say “cheese”.
SpongeBob then proceeds to dramatically place a slice of cheese on a Krabby Patty. A brief moment later, he exits the Krusty Krab 2 holding Phil, who now has a satisfied smile on his face and a Krabby Patty with cheese.
SpongeBob: Order up.
Everyone outside the building cheers as SpongeBob managed to save the day from the horrors of an unsatisfied customer.
Fishy Boopkins[]
Wiz: The ocean, so vast and beautiful, and home to 20,000 different species of fish. Among those fish, none are more fascinating than the one and only Fishy Boopkins.
Boomstick: Wait, are you talking about that green potato you told me those other scientists called: “a pathetic piece of aquatic sh*t”?
Wiz: Yes, that’s him. This little guy is the last of the boopkin race and has been sought after by all kinds of collectors despite knowing how useless he is.
Boomstick: And trust us, he’s definitely useless. Boopkins spends most of his time like any other otaku, by watching anime non-stop with his favorite body pillows. I would say he’s living the binge watcher’s dream, but not even the most dedicated Crunchyroll fan can tolerate the kind of anime Boopkins watches.
Wiz: Boopkins’ love of anime is absolutely disturbing. He is known for treating his body pillows like actual people and watching the worst known anime such as: “My Gym Teacher Is A Sexy Rhinoceros!!!”
Boomstick: Don’t worry, that's not a real anime. Japan’s dignity is safe.
Wiz: However, unlike most otaku, Boopkins didn’t want to be alone and desired to make friends. As luck would have it, he came across SMG4 and his friends who were in need of help after they accidentally sank their cruise ship.
Boomstick: So Boopkins helped the multi-colored Marios get back to land, and after a brief run-in with some pirates, he joined the SMG4-gang on all their crazy adventures. Unfortunately, the little guy may have gotten more than he bargained for because as it turns out the world is full of all sorts of danger including murderous Teletubbies, rejection gods, and an endless supply of the internet’s deadliest weapon: Memes.
Wiz: But no matter how weird it gets, Boopkins is always prepared thanks to his natural biology. His most notable trait is his huge mouth that lets him carry and consume objects or if necessary, launch them as a high-speed projectile.
Boomstick: If he really needs to put that mouth to use, Boopkins can sing so horribly that it will break the eardrums of everyone nearby. Theories are still being tested on whether this is due to sheer volume or even pure cringe.
Wiz: Probably the former of the two. Whenever Boopkins hits a high note, it blasts people away with destructive shockwaves, and he can even concentrate it into a more condensed projectile. Boopkins also possesses heightened senses that allow him to hear from really far away and detect anime by picking up on its scent, which makes no sense whatsoever.
Boomstick: Speaking of things that don’t make sense, Boopkins can shoot magic lightning from his hands to give people the ability to breathe underwater, and occasionally pulling a reverse Little Mermaid. Once he takes the fight underwater, he’s a much deadlier adversary. Not only is he an incredible swimmer, but with his Boopkins Sonar, he can telepathically call other fish to aid him in battle.
Wiz: Though with the Boopkins Sonar, there is only one fish Boopkins needs to summon. One that will rush to his aid when he’s in danger and can end a fight with a single blow. This being is none other than Fishy’s Boopkins’ dad.
Boomstick: Lucky little guy, I wish I had a dad like tha- WHAT THE F***!!! That’s his dad!? How can this Cthulhuian God possibly be related to that green turd?
Wiz: Putting aside the questionable boopkin biology, Boopkins’ dad is not to be trifled with. Should anyone dare bully Boopkins, they will suffer the wrath of the giant octopus, who is strong enough to destroy a ship with a single swing and destroy a clone of Godzilla.
Boomstick: Yeah, that just makes it harder to believe someone as puny as Boopkins came from the big guy. But don’t underestimate Fishy Boopkins, he’s got a bit more power up his sleeve thanks to a little bit of Toon Force magic. With it, Boopkins’ physical abilities become much greater than you can imagine, especially his durability which lets him take all kinds of damage and come back seconds later without a scratch.
Wiz: And his love of anime is so great, he can draw from its power to use various techniques including ninja substitution to teleport away from danger. Boopkins even possesses an awareness of the fourth-wall like Deadpool. OH S*** I SAID HIS NAME!
Boomstick: NONONONONONONO!!!
Deadpool: Here’s Deadpool!
Boomstick: Godd***it!
Deadpool: Aww, I’m glad you missed me. Wait… why can I only see my text? Am I on the f***ing fanon? This isn’t even canon, is it?
Wiz: What are you talking about?
Deadpool: You know what, this cameo isn’t even worth it. This is for a fight between a sponge and a Spike from Mario. I bet the readers have never read something so ridiculous... aside from those shipping fanfics.
Boomstick: Will you just get out of here already!
Deadpool: Fine. I’ll see you guys later. (It is implied that I am leaving)
Boomstick: Finally, he’s gone.
Wiz: Should we be worried when he said “he will see us later”.
Boomstick: Uhhhhhh…. Back to Boopkins, his Toon Force gives him access to Hammerspace, perfect for storing his endless collection of anime and body pillows. In fact, his body pillows are surprisingly effective weapons that can make anime haters burst into flames, and if he needs to up the weeaboo factor, Boopkins can summon a giant body pillow powerful enough to send someone flying across the world.
Wiz: Boopkins also has guns, knives, spiked balls, a tank that spawns during fits of rage, and the Boopkinmobile, a parodied Batmobile that can drive on both land and water with the only limit being Boopkins refusal to break simple traffic laws. But the strangest weapon in the green frog’s arsenal is his rocket launcher which he learned to make using nothing but a rock and stick.
Boomstick: There’s nothing strange about it. I actually learned the same technique Boopkins uses to make these glorious weapons. I believe the song goes “First you take a rock, and then a stick. Then you do this one simple trick.”
During his singing, Boomstick takes out a rock and stick and mashes them together, somehow creating a massive explosion leaving Wiz and Boomstick covered in ashes.
Boomstick: Oops, must have been holding the stick at the wrong angle.
Wiz: (*coughs up ashes*) Obviously with these absurd abilities, Fishy Boopkins has accomplished more than you would think. He performed a tap dance so fast that he caught fire, one-shot Bowser, and once lifted Mario and used him as a tennis racket. Mario’s weight has been inconsistent throughout the show, but the most creditable measurement comes from “New Year, New Mario” where he weighs 12,988 pounds or nearly 6.5 tons, but most claims suggest that Mario is much, MUCH heavier.
Boomstick: Makes sense, that man is heavy enough to body slam the Earth to death, and to think Boopkins can lift that much fat. Not to mention, he can beat Bob who moves faster than the eye can track and once devoured a whole wall of Teletubbies. Really makes you wonder what Teletubbies taste like, I bet they're delicious.
Wiz: Of course Boopkins’s best quality is that he can endure anything the SMG4 universe can offer. He’s been electrocuted, crushed under buildings, being filled with snowballs until he exploded, and survived the wrath of his ex-girlfriend who is literally named “Saiko Bichitaru”.
Boomstick: Looks like someone forgot to translate the Japanese text. However, not even yandere-incarnate can scale to the time he survived a Spirit Bomb of Memes that Peach claimed could destroy the entire Mushroom Kingdom. And remember when I said Boopkins’ signing is bad enough to destroy your eardrums? I lied, it can do much worse.
Wiz: During a talent contest, Boopkins once sang so loud that it blew up the Earth. We're not kidding, he actually destroyed the planet through sheer vocal power and just casually walked away from it.
Boomstick: And the Earth has been destroyed for much dumber reasons like Bowser exerting his fabulousness, so death by signing isn’t too hard to believe. Now that I think about it, how does the Earth keep coming back from all that? Does the planet have its own Toon Force or something?
Wiz: Despite this incredible power, Fishy Boopkins can still come out as a huge pushover. His kind nature often prevents him from resorting to violence, preferring to call people mean and hope it stops them.
Boomstick: Which worked once on Tari, and no one else.
Wiz: And the green potato’s anime obsession can get dangerous if taken too far. Like the time he and his friends held an anime-themed contest so intense that ended up destroying Peach’s castle and got anime banned from the Mushroom Kingdom.
Boomstick: But thanks to a magic manga artist and Disney plagiarism, Boopkins managed to save anime, and then he helped save the world… from anime.
Wiz: Just one of the many adventures Boopkins has been on. They were all wild and came with many challenges, but he never had to face them alone. Boopkins always has his friends to get him through thick and thin, and like the anime protagonists, he admires he will always be there to help his friends when they need him.
Boopkins: You can do it! Protect your friends Boopkins! Stand back Meggy, things are going to get ugly.
Boopkins faces Swagmaster and Chris with a serious look, before unleashing his epic counterattack.
Boopkins: You guys need to stop right now, you’re being very mean!
Deadpool: I still think he’s a pathetic piece of aquatic sh*t.
Boomstick: Why won’t you leave us alone!?
DEATH BATTLE![]
Narrator: Ahh, another beautiful day in Bikini Bottom and another beautiful day means another busy shift at the Krusty Krab. Everyone is inside blissfully enjoying their Krabby Patties, except for this fellow passing by, but this is no ordinary fellow for he is Fishy Boopkins, the rarest, but the most useless creature of the sea.
Boopkins: Lalalalala...going home to watch anime.
Narrator: It seems that Fishy Boopkins has returned from the anime store, and is about to go into a special ritual where he will spend two months watching utter trash while surrounded by sexy-looking pillows… because he is a loser.
Boopkins: Hey that’s not very nice, take that back!
Narrator: Oh sorry, I didn’t know you could hear me.
With his introduction finished, the Narrator disappears and Boopkins continues to walk home while carrying a bag filled with anime merchandise. The green potato feels discouraged about what the offscreen voice said and fails to notice a small rock blocking his path. Boopkins trips over the rock causing the anime bag to fly out of his hands and towards the Krusty Krab. At the same time, a Bomb-omb walks out of the restaurant, having just finished his lunch, and is hit in the head by the bag. Suddenly, the bomb’s instincts kick in preceding an unfortunate event, and the nautical nonsense that will follow.
Bomb-omb: My main goal is to blow up.
The Bomb-omb explodes, completely destroying the front half of the Krusty Krab and leaving the other half covered with wreckage. Among the damage, a yellow sponge, who was somehow unharmed, looked at the damage before him and was completely in shock.
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab! It’s ruined! Who could have done this?
SpongeBob felt something touch his feet and looked down to see what appeared to be a DVD labeled “Super Sexy Meme Highschool”. He picked up the book, and before he could question what he was looking at, the sponge heard a voice coming from a small fish picking up comics with equally absurd titles.
Boopkins: Aw man, I think I lost one of my anime.
SpongeBob: So you’re the monster who destroyed the Krusty Krab!
Boopkins: What? No, I didn’t mean to-
SpongeBob: I hope you’re ready because this fry cook is about to serve you some justice! For the Krusty Krab!!!
FIGHT!
SpongeBob put the disc into his pocket and charged towards Boopkins. The green turd was given little time to react as the sponge immediately got in close and punched Boopkins in the face, sending him flying into a conveniently placed pile of rocks. Boopkins emerged from the pile with a huge rock stuck in his mouth, and while he normally liked the taste of rocks, this one was nearly crammed down his throat and choking Boopkins so he tried to cough it out.
SpongeBob: Have you learned your lesson yet?
Unfortunately, Boopkins did not hear SpongeBob’s question as he was still trying to dislodge the rock in his mouth. Eventually, Boopkins managed to spit out the rock and launch it into his attacker’s face, ironically leaving SpongeBob with the rock stuck on his face. After recovering from the assault, Boopkins tries to end the fight with the best technique he knows.
Boopkins: Go away, you’re being very mean!
The rock falls off SpongeBob’s face, revealing a scrunched up face full of tears.
SpongeBob: Mean?
The sponge felt insulted by Boopkins’ words, but quickly got his act together and got angry when he remembered that the meaner guy before him destroyed his favorite restaurant.
SpongeBob: I’ll show you mean. The gloves are off now.
SpongeBob grabbed his own arm and pulled it off like an actual glove. From beneath the glove emerged another arm holding a sharp-looking spatula. The sponge once again charged towards his opponent intending to use his spatula as a sword, and Boopkins began to panic. In an act of desperation, Boopkins took out a body pillow of Hatsune Miku and used it to block the incoming swing from the fry cook’s spatula.
Boopkins: I’m so sorry, Miku-chan, I didn't mean to hurt you.
The two continued to swing their unconventional weapons at each other, somehow sounding like real swords clashing with each other. Boopkins swings his body pillow as hard as he can, and SpongeBob is barely able to block it and starts to move backward. For a second it seems like Boopkins is overpowering SpongeBob, but the sponge manages to get his footing and parries the body pillow out of the green potato’s hand.
SpongeBob: I’ve got you now. You can’t run from me.
Fishy Boopkins briefly stares at his enemy in horror before running away screaming.
SpongeBob: Or maybe you can… Get back here!
SpongeBob chases Boopkins into the city. The latter had become too scared to fight and started calling out to the nearby citizens for help.
Boopkins: Somebody help! He’s going to kick my butt!
The citizens turn around to look for the person trying to kick the small fish’s butt. When they see the supposed bully, they become enraged and prepare to strike back.
Blue Fish: After all these years, you still won’t learn? Let’s get him!
SpongeBob sees the crowd coming towards him and suddenly stops. He thinks that everyone is about to attack him, but surprisingly they walk right past him and towards an elderly fish, who has no idea what is going on.
Old Fish: Hello again young people.
The crowd starts beating the old fish mercilessly as SpongeBob watches in confusion. He gives a quick shrug and continues chasing Boopkins, slowly gaining on the green turd. Boopkins takes notice and realizes that he needs to fight back somehow.
Boopkins: This is bad, what would Naruto do in this situation?
(*flashback to a totally legit episode of Naruto*)
Naruto: Shadow Clone Jutsu!
Naruto performs a bunch of hand signs so quickly that his hands start to become invisible, but he eventually screws up and breaks his fingers in the process. The pain causes Naruto to collapse onto the ground and roll around screaming.
(*end of flashback*)
Boopkins: Of course! That’s it!
While Boopkins was thinking of a counterattack, SpongeBob was closing the distance between the two. He jumps off a diving board (yet another conveniently placed object) and dives towards Boopkins, attempting to impale the green turd with his spatula. Upon making an impact, the ground explodes, causing dust to fly everywhere. Though SpongeBob cannot see anything, he can feel his spatula stabbing something.
SpongeBob: Gotcha!
The dust clears, and the sponge starts to look surprised, as what he hit wasn’t Boopkins but a ninja log that took his place.
SpongeBob: What the scallop!?
Before he could figure out what happened SpongeBob hears someone yelling from a distance. The fry cook turns around to see Boopkins flying towards him, delivering an anime-powered kick to his face. The sponge is sent flying into a building, causing the structure to explode. SpongeBob gets up covered in ash and bruises, but then shakes his body to shrug off the damage.
SpongeBob: That was a neat trick, but now you leave me no choice but to use my karate moves.
Boopkins: Oh yeah? Your karate is no match for my Fishy Kung-Fu.
The two unleash a war cry and run towards each other. Both of them raise their hand as they get near each other and proceed to engage in a slap fight. At first, the two appear evenly matched until SpongeBob manages to slap Boopkins, but Boopkins slaps SpongeBob back, then SpongeBob slaps Boopkins again, and Boopkins retaliates by slapping SpongeBob who recovers immediately to slap Boopkins another time, but Boopkins does not waver and sla- Ok you get the point, this is just going back and forth. The tedious slap fight comes to an end when SpongeBob slaps Boopkins really hard, causing the green fish to yell at the sponge.
Boopkins: Ow! That hurt you big MEANIEEEEEEEEEE!
Boopkins yells “meanie” so loud that it creates a powerful shockwave that knocks SpongeBob back dozens of feet. The blow was strong enough to significantly injure the sponge who was having trouble getting up. Upon seeing the state of his opponent, Boopkins gets an idea about how he can win the fight.
Boopkins: You’re so MEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAN! You keep hurting MEEEEEEEEE! Please STOOOOOP! Go AWAAAAAAAAAY!
With each shout, Boopkins fires massive shockwaves at the fry cook. SpongeBob finishes recovering from the previous blow and sees the shockwaves coming towards him. He extends his legs to force his body upwards and let the first shockwave pass right under him. The sponge continues to stretch and morph his body in comedic ways to dodge each of the incoming attacks. Of course, that didn't stop the shockwaves from hitting the innocent bystanders right behind him, but they're expendable so nobody really cared.
Boopkins finally stops yelling and tries to catch his breath. Unfortunately, that gave SpongeBob the opportunity he needed to stretch his arm back and launch a Gum-Gum Pistol long-ranged punch at Boopkins, sending the green turd into an automobile repair shop.
Random Fish: Ah Mr. Boopkins, what perfect timing, we just finished the maintenance on your vehicle.
Back outside, SpongeBob waits for his opponent to come out of the building. He hears an engine starting and gets a bit confused. Suddenly, a big black vehicle with Boopkins’ face bursts out of the repair shop and attempts to run over the sponge. SpongeBob realizes that the green turd is driving the vehicle and becomes jealous.
SpongeBob: He has a boating license too!?
Boopkins: Ah-ha, you’re no match for the Boopkinmobile!
Boopkins hits the gas pedal as hard as he can with his stubby feet and the Boopkinmobile speeds up as it prepares to ram the fry cook. SpongeBob thought he was about to become roadkill, but luck was on his side as he just so happened to be standing behind a stop sign. Boopkins sees the sign and hits the brake, forcing the Boopkinmobile to stop before it touches the sponge.
Boopkins: Aw man, I don’t want to run that stop sign. That would be illegal.
Boopkins gets ready to hit the gas pedal again but is distracted by an odd-looking bubble in front of his windshield.
Boopkins: Hey that bubble looks like a bo-
Before Boopkins could finish, the bubble explodes and destroys the Boopkinmobile. The green potato survived the explosion and looked up to see SpongeBob holding a bubble container and wand.
SpongeBob: I hate to burst your bubble, but this battle is about to get explosive.
SpongeBob blows into his bubble wand, creating more bubble bombs floating towards Boopkins. The green turd dodges the explosion but starts feeling cornered by all the bubbles. Deciding that he needs to kick things up a notch, SpongeBob places the container upside down on one of the holes in his head and starts rapid firing bubbles into the sky from his other holes. Meanwhile, Boopkins had finished dodging the last of the bombs and wondered why they had stopped. He notices that a huge shadow is covering him and sees a cluster of bubble pianos, bubble anvils, bubble Snorlax, and other heaving objects above him.
Boopkins: OH MY GOOOOOOOD!
Boopkins’ jaw drops and expands to unreasonable proportions before the heavy bubbles begin to drop on him. However, this time luck was on the green fish’s side as his jaw had become big enough to catch all the bubbles which Boopkins then swallowed and smiled from the surprisingly good taste.
Boopkins: Eyy that’s pretty good.
SpongeBob: That’s some appetite… but let’s see you eat this!
SpongeBob uses the last of the bubble containers to make an angry giant that towers over Boopkins. The giant grabs Boopkins by his forehead and prepares to deliver a brutal punch to his face with his other hand. Boopkins became terrified by the giant started crying while calling out to the one person who could comfort him.
Boopkins: WAAAAAHHHHHH! Daddy, help me!
The ground began to rumble as a giant octopus person emerged out of nowhere and glared at the two figures picking on his son. The bubble giant was in so much shock from seeing a guy much bigger than him that he dropped Boopkins and miraculously gained the gift of speech.
Bubble Giant: Oh hell no, I’m out of here.
The giant ran away screaming with his arms flailing in the air, leaving only SpongeBob to be targeted by the wrath of Boopkins’ dad who raises his arm to smash the sponge.
SpongeBob: Oh barnacles.
Boopkins’ dad smacks SpongeBob so hard that it creates an explosion. The giant octopus thinks that he has dealt with the problem, but when he lifted his tentacle he saw a flattened sponge that expanded and compressed his body like an accordion before regaining his shape with no signs of injuries.
SpongeBob: Hey what do you know, I’m still alive.
SpongeBob continues to gaze at his undamaged body, failing to notice that the giant octopus had gotten angrier and continued to smack the sponge over and over only to get the same results each time. After a while, Boopkins’ dad got tired of hitting SpongeBob and grabbed him before preparing to throw the nuisance over the horizon.
SpongeBob: This isn’t good.
Boopkins: Yeah, get him dad! Wait… my anime senses are tingling… he has something irresistible in his pants.
Boopkins looked at SpongeBob’s pants and he was surprised by what he saw. The anime DVD he thought he lost earlier was in the sponge’s pocket and he had to get it back. Without thinking Boopkins latched onto SpongeBob, attempting to grab the disc.
Boopkins: My anime! Give it back!
Before Boopkins could retrieve his anime, his dad made the throw causing SpongeBob and Boopkins to scream as they were launched to the surface. Boopkins’ dad noticed that he accidentally threw his own son and scratched the back of his head to give a “whoops” expression.
The two landed in a big city on land. Boopkins was still dazed from the impact, but SpongeBob got up almost immediately. After all the absurdities he had endured during the fight, the sponge was getting exhausted.
SpongeBob: (*heavy breathing*) I don’t think I can do this for much longer… but if I stop now, who will avenge the Krusty Krab… all the Krabby Patties that could have been made… the people that will go hungry without them. I can’t give up! I must stop this villain because I am a hero!
SpongeBob reaches into his pants and pulls out an old piece of paper and a pen. He writes something onto the paper causing his body to glow and cover the surrounding area in a blinding flash.
Boopkins: Ohhh, what happened? Did I get my anime back?
As Fishy Boopkins regains his senses, he hears something approaching him from behind. He turns around, expecting to see the small yellow sponge, but once he gets a good look, the green potato is forced to adjust his view upwards to make eye contact. His opponent was now significantly larger, donning a shirt, blue mask with antenna, and one hell of a six-pack.
SpongeBob: You might have underestimated this sponge before, but now you face the Invincibubble! Order up!
The now super-powered sponge kicks Boopkins into the air before making a huge jump and spiking him in midair like a volleyball. Boopkins tumbles across the street but gets up quickly to see SpongeBob making a dramatic pose and dashing towards him with lightning-fast speed.
Boopkins: Oh no you don’t! I call upon you waifu gods! I HAVE THE POWER!
Lightning forms above Boopkins and manifests into a giant body pillow of "insert name of your waifu" (don't lie, I know you have one). He swings the gigantic pillow at SpongeBob, sending the sponge flying so fast he catches fire. The fry cook ends up flying around the entire world before crashing back into the city, creating a huge crater in the process. Boopkins sees where SpongeBob landed and chases after him.
Boopkins: Hold still, I’m coming to smack you again!
SpongeBob: Uh oh. Quick SpongeBob, you need to hit him with something bigger.
SpongeBob looks around and sees a building right next to him. He gets an idea, though it is a really stupid idea.
SpongeBob: That’s it! I’ll throw the building at him.
The sponge grabs one of the corners of the building and attempts to lift it. The building does appear to budge at first, but SpongeBob finally starts to feel it moving as he tries to lift it over his head. Meanwhile, Boopkins was closing in, until he noticed the ground was beginning to tilt, causing him to lose balance and drop his pillow. What neither of the two realizes is that SpongeBob was inadvertently inverting gravity in his lifting attempt.
Boopkins: Wait, what's going on? NONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Before Boopkins could react accordingly, the reversed gravity sent him flying upwards making him fly helplessly into the sky and towards an unfortunate airplane.
Pilot: Attention passengers, we have just arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom, and if you look out the window you can see a screaming bird flying towards us.
Passenger: Make a wish honey.
Boopkins crashes into the plane, knocking it off course and upwards further into the air. Elsewhere, SpongeBob feels the building finally gets over his head and prepares to throw it but then realizes that his lifting attempt made the world go upside down.
SpongeBob: Oops. I better fix this.
SpongeBob pushes on the building to flip gravity back in the right direction. All the people and objects that were sent upwards by his antics violently crash down, including Boopkins who lands on the local anime store which just so happens to be next to Smokavich’s Rocket Launcher Crafting Store.
Boopkins: That hurt real bad, but at least it’s over… is that the plane from earlier, OH MY GOD IT IS!
The plane that Boopkins hit was still spiraling out of control and crashed right into Boopkins, thus making a massive explosion that destroyed the two buildings. While everything was in ruins, Boopkins was still alive, albeit with barely enough energy to go on.
Boopkins: My ovaries.
SpongeBob: It’s over! Now you will pay for your crimes against patties!
Boopkins: Aw man, I don’t want to die.
Accepting his fate, Boopkins looks down in despair and sees a poster of the greatest anime character of all time: Ultra Instinct Shaggy. Suddenly, the poster seemed to come to life and whether it was due to Boopkins’ imagination or concussion-based hallucinations, Shaggy called out to him and gave the green turd two thumbs up.
Shaggy: Like, you can do it, man! You have the power of anime on your side!
Boopkins: Your right Shaggy-senpai! I can still fight, and I won’t let this meanie push me around anymore!
Now filled with determination, Boopkins notices piles of rocks and sticks in the remains of the store next to him. He runs over to the pile just in time to dodge one of SpongeBob’s punches before grabbing a rock and stick. SpongeBob watched Boopkins perform a trick with the two objects as they merged to form a fully-operational rocket launcher. The green potato fires a rocket at his opponent, but it goes through the bubble wand on the Invincibubble’s head, making it float helplessly into the air.
SpongeBob: Oh how I love this part.
Boopkins continues to fire rockets, but the sponge easily catches them all in a playful manner. All the rockets become trapped in bubbles, and Boopkins quickly realizes he has run out of ammo. As a last resort, Boopkins throws the launcher and SpongeBob smiles while preparing to catch it with his bubbles, but the launcher goes right over the sponge’s head and hits one of the bubbles containing a rocket. The fry cook then sees that the other rocket bubbles are nearby the one that was struck, and are surrounding him, putting the superhero in danger.
SpongeBob: ...All of a sudden, I miss the cannonballs.
The rockets blow up, and the individual explosions merge together to form a massive mushroom cloud. Boopkins watched the explosion with complete joy as he was certain the blast was enough to finish his opponent.
Boopkins: Hey, I did it. I actually beat him.
Boopkins’ moment of joy became short-lived when he heard a guitar solo coming from the explosion-induced smoke. The level of rock n roll was so intense that Boopkins knew something bad was about to happen.
Boopkins: Why do I hear boss music?
The smoke cleared to reveal SpongeBob, who had survived the explosion and was now wearing a wizard outfit and holding a nut-shaped guitar. He flies into the air while continuing to play his guitar as it starts glowing at its head.
SpongeBob: Are you ready for the encore performance, because it will be your last.
SpongeBob points his guitar at Boopkins and fires a blast of electricity at him. The blast hits and starts electrocuting the green turd, slowly frying his insides and putting him on the verge of death. The green turd barely hangs in there and decides to put everything into one last attack.
Boopkins: Aagh! I guess... I have... no choice! You forced me to do this! Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin’ Alive, Stayin’ Alive. Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin’ AAALLLIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE!
Boopkins closes his eyes, fights through the pain, and sings as loud (and terribly) as he can. The singing is so powerful that it creates a massive shockwave that blows the guitar out of SpongeBob’s hands and sends him flying back, but Boopkins’ attack does not stop there. The shockwave grows stronger and turns into a gargantuan explosion that quickly envelops the city. SpongeBob tries to endure the attack as best he can, but the raw power is too much and overwhelms him.
SpongeBob: I am so FFFFFIIIIIIIRRRRREEEEDDDD!
The sponge’s last words echo into the distance as the explosion disintegrates him completely. Even with SpongeBob gone, the explosion continues to grow until the Earth can no longer handle its power, causing the planet to explode into trillions of tiny pieces. Despite what just happened, the Earth went back to normal a second later and Boopkins opened his eyes to see what happened.
Boopkins: Di-Did I win?
The green turd saw that everything around him had been ravaged. All the buildings were destroyed, there was fire everywhere, and not a single citizen was left unharmed. One particular citizen had gotten his leg stuck under a huge piece of rubble and could only moan in pain.
Citizen: My leg!
It doesn't take long for Boopkins to realize that the damage was all his fault. He decided to awkwardly walk away from the situation, not wanting to cause more trouble.
Boopkins: ...I-I’m just going to leave and watch anime…bye.
The green potato did keep one positive thing in mind: the sponge that was chasing him was gone, so he could finally go home and relax.
K.O!
Back at his home, Fishy Boopkins is setting up his TV to watch anime. A news program was being shown giving a report about the Krusty Krab exploding and it’s fry cook missing in action, but Boopkins ignores this as he simply changes the channel before sitting on his couch to watch Pokemon with an assortment of waifus.
Results[]
Deadpool: Well that is bound to p*** off many people. If you would like to address your complaints please contact your local Deadpool for torches, pitchforks, and directions to Professor Mewtwo’s house.
Boomstick: All right, that’s it!
Boomstick pulls out a shotgun and blasts Deadpool’s head off.
Wiz: You know he’ll be back, right?
Boomstick: Not before we finish this episode. SpongeBob was a tough one to take down, especially his unpredictable Toon Force abilities, but Boopkins has seen plenty of weird s*** in the SMG4-verse and the anime he watches, so he could easily handle anything the sponge threw at him.
Wiz: Boopkins was also physically stronger, and his arsenal was more efficient in terms of long-range and power. The strongest weapon in SpongeBob’s arsenal was the bubble giant which once pushed a giant goo ball into orbit. In comparison, Boopkins’ giant body pillow could launch someone with enough force to circle the planet, clearly surpassing the giant in brute force. SpongeBob’s malleable body and regeneration could keep him in the fight, but he could only last for so long.
Boomstick: Yeah, taking non-stop punches from a bully was impressive, but SpongeBob can still be harmed by much stronger attacks. He’s been brutally injured on multiple occasions, and even the superior Invincibubble was taken out by a weaponized food truck. But the most surprising part was that SpongeBob didn’t come close to securing the durability advantage.
Wiz: The meme bomb Boopkins survived was strong enough to destroy an entire country. While this was only a claim, the aftermath of the explosion was shown in a leveled city rather than the castle it detonated from, justifying the given potential of the explosion. Boopkins can even be compared to his younger brother Jub Jub, who can take the force of ten atomic bombs at once.
Boomstick: Those feats were impressive, but let's address the elephant in the room and talk about the time Boopkins BLEW UP THE EARTH BY SINGING! It takes at least 63 sextillion tons of TNT to blow up the Earth, that's over 2.5 quintillion times greater than the 23 kiloton bomb SpongeBob took, and the KCA champion can’t be tougher than that since Mr. Krabs said that the same bomb could kill him.
Wiz: Sure it’s hard to believe that Boopkins can destroy the Earth, but the explosion is similar to ones made by other planet busting feats in SMG4, some of those feats boasted this insane level of power and Mario has once seen the results of him destroying the planet. Even if the Earth kept coming back, it's clear Boopkins’ apocalyptic singing can’t be called an outlier, and because he survived the same explosion he caused, SpongeBob didn’t have any reliable options for killing Boopkins.
Boomstick: And I know what you SpongeBob fans are about to say in the comments: “Isn’t SpongeBob faster than Patrick who ran to the sun and back in seconds? Shouldn't that insane speed be enough to overpower Boopkins?”
Wiz: Well speed alone wouldn’t change the outcome, and there were several factors that state this feat as an outlier. If we did consider this a fact and applied it to SpongeBob, under the same logic we would consider how Boopkins has kept up with Mario on some occasions.
Boomstick: And the fat Italian once flew to the sun in mere seconds just like Patrick. Sure SpongeBob was faster regardless, but Boopkins was never too far behind.
Wiz: SpongeBob had several advantages in this fight including speed, versatility, and combat experience, but Boopkins had the cartoon hero outclassed with his greater arsenal, superior durability, and unbelievable power.
Deadpool: Looks like that piece of sh*t had the “sponge on the run”.
Boomstick: D***it! He stole my pun!
Wiz: The winner is Fishy Boopkins.
Soundtrack Cover[]
Next Time[]
Next Time: Satsuki Kiryuin vs Jeanne