Interlude[]
Wiz: Racing is one of the biggest sports of our time.
Boomstick: Like any sport, some competitors take it a bit too seriously.
Wiz: Like Spitfire, the cyborg Flame Spirit.
Boomstick: And Captain Falcon, the pilot of the Blue Falcon.
Wiz: It's our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skill, to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Spitfire[]
Wiz: With lightning-quick reflexes and nerves of steel, Spitfire was on pace to become the fastest racer in all of Skylands.
Boomstick: That was, of course, until an asshole goblin guy pulled a Sebulba on him and blew up his ride.
Wiz: Injured from the crash, everybody thought that Spitfire would never race again.
Boomstick: Boy, were they surprised when he was back on the track in just three weeks. THREE WEEKS! His bones wouldn't have even healed in three weeks!
Wiz: The writers of his backstory might have glossed over that little fact.
Boomstick: Anyways, his glorious return to the track was made slightly less glorious by the fact that Skylands fell under the control of the tyrant Kaos the same day. THE SAME DAY.
Wiz: Spitfire was determined to stop Kaos. Eventually, he was recruited by Eon, the leader of a group of warriors known as the Skylanders.
Boomstick: Upon joining the Skylanders, he got a brand new vehicle to use in battle. This new vehicle was known as Hot Streak.
Wiz: Hot Streak is made from elemental magma rock, and was forged in the depths of the Volcanic Vault. When it reaches maximum power, it can travel at insane speeds, although it is never stated how fast.
Boomstick: Hot Streak has Blue-Fire wheels, as well as the Blaze Boosters. It can also shoot fiery beam things
Wiz: While the Hot Streak is an extremely powerful vehicle, it can get even more powerful. When driver and vehicle have a special connection, the vehicle can change forms!
Boomstick: It's like Mega Evolution, with cars!
Wiz: Supercharged Hot Streak is faster, more powerful, and more awesome looking than the original.
Boomstick: It has larger vents, and covers on the wheels, for some reason. To keep the fire from the fire-tires contained? That wasn't an issue in the last form. Whatever.
Wiz: Now, onto his attacks.
Boomstick: Spitfire uses Flash Fire to make an explosive dash at enemies, and can summon fiery tornadoes that follow enemies around with Flamenado.
Wiz: He can have up to two Flamenadoes active at once, and an explosion happens every time he summons one.
Boomstick: With Volcanic Armour, Spitfire becomes almost completely invulnerable to attacks.
Wiz: Spitfire has saved Skylands many times over, even stopping Kaos and the Sky Eater machine.
Boomstick: He's even fought Spyro the Dragon once!
Spitfire: Fuel the Fire!
Captain Falcon[]
Wiz: Born as Douglas Jay Falcon in the city of Port Town, Captain Falcon is the champion of the F-Zero Racing Competition.
Boomstick: it is rumored that his 'Captain' title comes from his years in the Internova Police Force, but he has moved on since then. He is now an accomplished racer, as well as a bounty hunter.
Wiz: Residing in his private island chain off the coast of Port Town, Captain Falcon has trained himself to the peak of his power, physically and in in the race.
Boomstick: Captain Falcon pilots the Blue Falcon, a 1,260 kg, 457 km/h, 3,200 PS machine of awesomeness.
Wiz: The Blue Falcon is the most well-rounded, most adaptable vehicle in the history of the F-Zero tournaments, and it is incredibly fast as well.
Boomstick: But just because he's a great racer doesn't mean that he can't fight.
Wiz: That's right. Captain Falcon has pyrokinetic abilities, meaning that he can manipulate fire for his attacks.
Boomstick: He can perform a fiery dash kick with the Falcon Kick, uppercut you into oblivion with the Raptor Boost, and explodify you midair with the Falcon Dive.
Wiz: His most powerful attack, however, has to be his iconic move, the Falcon Punch.
Captain Falcon: FALCON PAWNCH!!!
Boomstick: With this move, Captain Falcon sets his fist on fire, projecting an image of a fiery eagle onto anybody unfortunate enough to be in his path.
Wiz: If we do the math, the Falcon Punch is more powerful than one of the world's most powerful weapons of mass destruction, M.O.A.B. All of the fire, sudden increase in temperature, shockwaves, sonic booms, etc., put into one punch. A punch, headed for your face.
Boomstick: Before there was Saitama, there was Captain Falcon.
Boomstick: Captain Falcon also has a gun on his belt, but he's only been shown to use it once . In the same page of the same comic, he is also shown to be fast enough to dodge a laser.
Wiz: This, of course, is physically impossible. Lasers are just light, and light is the fastest thing in the known universe. The concept of lightspeed breaks the laws of physics. As things that have had a regular speed increase begin to reach lightspeed, they actually begin to slow down. It is impossible for anything to move as fast as light, much less dodge it.
Boomstick: Captain Falcon breaks reality. He is actually infinitely times faster than Sonic, Ruby, The Flash, Quicksilver, and everyone else you can think of combined.
Wiz: It's funny because his vehicle, the Blue Falcon, is only 457 km/h, at max speed.
Boomstick: You're right! Why does he even need a car to race?
Wiz: He doesn't.
Captain Falcon: Show me your moves!!!
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
FIGHT![]
Lakitu was floating above a racetrack, holding a camera.
Two cars were right next to each other, trying to pass the other.
Suddenly, one of them shoots a fire beam out of the front, hitting the other.
Out of the crashed vehicle, Captain Falcon climbed out.
Spitfire jumped out of the car that attacked.
FIGHT!
Spitfire charged at Falcon with Flash Fire, slashing at him with his fiery claws.
Capt. Falcon dodged, countering with a Raptor Boost.
Spitfire was blasted upward, but simply dashed back down with Flash Fire, this time hitting Falcon.
As Falcon reeled, Spitfire summoned two Flamenadoes, blasting Falcon away with the explosion.
The Flamenadoes followed Falcon, and one successfully caught him inside.
As Falcon was blasted out of the Flamenado, Spitfire drove at him with the Hot Streak.
The Blue-Fire Tire tore right through Falcon's body armour, and he yelled in pain.
Before more damage could be done, he knocked the car away with a Falcon Kick.
He followed that up by grabbing Spitfire midair, exploding him with Falcon Dive.
YES!!!
He followed that up with a midair combo, finishing it with the Knee of Justice.
Right before the final hit, Spifire activated Volcanic Armour, unaffected by the attack.
As they were falling, Spifire racked up hits with a combo consisting of Flash Fires, Flamenadoes, and melee attacks.
They hit the ground, and Falcon was on his back, severely burnt.
Spitfire dashed with Flash Fire, but Falcon dodged in the blink of an eye, so fast that the movement itself wasn't seen.
While Spitfire was vulnerable with his back turned, Falcon's fist began to burn.
FALCON PAWNCH!!!
The camera position zoomed out to show the entire city in which the race track was a part of.
A massive mushroom explosion engulfed everything.
As the fire cleared, Captain Falcon was standing in the middle of a leveled race track.
Spitfire's body was nowhere to be seen, as well as Lakitu and everybody in the stands.
KO!
Show me your moves!
Conclusion[]
Wiz: While they seemed evenly matched, Captain Falcon excelled in speed and power because of the math we did.
Boomstick: Spitfire is definitely strong enough to keep up with Falcon, but once the MOAB Falcon Punch and High-Relativistic speeds came into play, it quickly became clear who won.
Wiz: The winner is Captain Falcon.