Description
Killer Instinct vs. VainGlory! When two undead sword-wielding combatants enter the arena, only one will walk out with their nonexistent life!
Interlude
Boomstick: Y'know what's cool? Zombies.
Wiz: You know what else is cool? Swords.
Boomstick: Man, if only we had a way to put the two together... Wait, what episode is this?
Wiz: Why, it's the episode for zombies with swords, of course!
Boomstick: OH MAH FUCKING GOD REALLY!?
Wiz: Indeed. Today we have two undead blade-wielders entering the ring today to see who is superior.
Boomstick: Spinal, the badass pirate skeleton of Killer Instinct...
Wiz: ...And Krul, the cursed undead viking of VainGlory.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick...
Wiz: ...And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE.
Spinal (Rex's Part)
*Mick Gordon - The Instinct (Killer Instinct)*
Boomstick: BONE RATTLING INTENSIFIES!
Wiz: Ugh, anyways. A long time ago lived a scurvy crew of pirates and one of those crew members, was Spinal.
Boomstick: Wait he didn't have a real name? We only know him by a body part? Fucking dumb.
Wiz: Can you stop? One day Spinal's time came and he well died. And his scurvy crew died along with him. Skip 600 years in the future, Ultratech was now a thriving company. They were making money, fast. But underneath this was not a company, but a war zone.
Boomstick: Yeah when you have the Human Torch, Cyborgs, and Cybernetic Raptors and say you are a good company and you do the better good for the world? Ya know something is wrong. So they said, "HEY WE HAVE A SHIT LOAD OF KILLING MACHINES, WHY NOT GET ANOTHER ONE I KNOW LET'S SUMMON A IMMORTAL PIRATE DEMON THING AND MAKE IT OUR SLAVE!" great idea right Wiz?
Wiz: Riiiiiiiight. Anyways they summoned the spirit and "asked" him to join them in their mission for power? Spinal's answer, was a yes. But under one cost, he had to fight for them. Which is why he carries his vast powers and weaponry.
Boomstick: He carries a cutlass a sword meant for stabbing and slashing, the sword alone is as long has his upper torso. Spinal also carries a shield which can block long ranged and short ranged attacks.
Wiz: Spinal has strange powers he was granted by a magic mask called the "Mask of the Ancients" with this mask alive and helping him be revived he gained new powers. Spinal can summon bones from the ground-
Boomstick: Summoning bones from the ground. Hmm?
Wiz: Don't you fucking dar-
Boomstick: I'M SORRY DON'T FIRE ME PLEASE I AM SO SORRY!
*Music Stops*
Wiz: My god...
*Cue Spinal's Komplete Dynamic Theme - Killer Instinct Soundtrack*
Wiz: As I was saying. Spinal has control over some strange power given to him by the Mask of the Ancients. He can control different skeleton body parts from the ground. He is allowed to summon, giant skeletal hands to either grab you and slam you against ground or shoot giant green skulls, can shoot said green skulls from his shield, and can light his cutlass ablaze with green fire and deal extra damage. His skulls can vary from size, they can go from the size of a normal human skull to size even bigger than a human body!
Boomstick: Spinal is also good in sword and shield combat, mostly going for stabbing and slashing while using his shield for defense at the same time. His shield also can be used for a blunt object weaponry.
Wiz: Spinal is a monster using his green skulls long range and up close. His former pirate self was mentioned as a famous pirate probably granted by his vast skills. But what makes Spinal so amazing is his Instinct Mode, Agent of Chaos.
Boomstick: Aw yeah! He summons 3 purple skulls to protect up close. He can still shoots skull and they bounce around until they hit for the 5th time, unlike his normal ones which explode on impact. He also can absorb his own projectiles to add to his skull collection to shoot more at you.
Wiz: Spinal has been around for centuries granting him a loads of experience. He has taken on Jago, Sabrewulf, Glacius, and Cinder. He can scale to their Supersonic speed and is extremely unpredictable. Spinal can take on anyone on the same level with ease at, most likely battled other pirates due to being one in his old life. But sadly, he isn't even close to the best fighter in Killer Instinct.
Boomstick: The guys is bat shit insane, and we don't mean like he is smart but insane. We mean so crazy he will rush into battle swinging and blocking.
Wiz: He is also known for being weak in a way which allows his foes to get a better advantage if they are faster and more powerful. Spinal still has the competition of cyborgs, warrior monks, cyber dinosaurs, and much more. If you see him coming your way, consider yourself very lucky if you leave unscathed.
"Yaahahahahahahaha!"
Krul (GA's Part)
Wiz: Centuries ago, an unfortunate soul was cursed by a mysterious power to bear a flaming blue sword called Hellrazor in his chest for all of eternity.
Boomstick: Was Pepto-Bizmal not around back then? Well, I don't think it woulda done much help anyway...
Wiz: No matter how hard the poor man tried, nothing he touched seemed capable of bringing his suffering and misery to a close. Set a timer for a few centuries and you get Krul, the withered monster of the brush.
Boomstick: With the wound festering, his body rotting away like the sandwich I left in Wiz's office ten months ago -
Wiz: Wait, what?
Boomstick: - and the sword staying right where it was placed, Krul's pain has only gotten worse, if anything. The constant agony has driven him off-the-wall bonkers, leaving him pretty savage in the head.
Wiz: Eventually, Krul heard tell of the Halcyon Well, a source of immense power hidden in the Halcyon Fold and protected by turrets, monsters, and warriors gathered to keep anyone from getting to it. Normally, this would deter most people, but for Krul...?
Boomstick: He jumped on the nearest boat and set sail straight toward that bitch!
Wiz: And upon arriving, he was an instant terror to the inhabitants of the Fold. Coupling his cursed blade with his undead abilities makes Krul a master of one-on-one combat situations, regenerating health lost with lifesteal and dishing out heavy damage with his abilities, which can leave an isolated foe struggling to fight back.
Boomstick: Like any emo kid or multi-billionaire bat vigilante I know, Krul is most at home in the darkness, which you can see with his Heroic Perk: Shadows Empower Me! When Krul stays in the shadows for a few seconds, he gets a burst of movement speed and his next attack greatly slows the target enemy!
Wiz: Krul's first Ability is Dead Man's Rush, a sort of homing attack that allows Krul to dash up to a target and strike them viciously. Not only does this deal decent damage on its own, but Krul gains a health barrier that becomes stronger the more this ability is upgraded. The health barrier allows Krul to tank attacks without them affecting his base health for a short time, either until it's time limit runs out or the health barrier is depleted.
Boomstick: But it's his second Ability that's what an enemy really has to fear: Spectral Smite, Krul's bread and butter! Spectral Smite allows Krul to apply stacks of Weakness to a target with his attacks, gaining one stack per successful attack. There can be up to eight stacks of Weakness on a single foe, and having more of them means more life steal for Krul and less movement speed for the guy on the receiving end!
Wiz: But that's not all Spectral Smite has to offer. Upon activating the Ability, Krul slams Hellrazor onto the enemy he's focused on, which deals a sizeable chunk of damage to the enemy and a good amount of life steal back to Krul. Naturally, the damage dealt and health restored by the attack increase the more stacks of Weakness the foe has on them. Weakness stacks can fade if Krul does not attack the enemy within a few seconds, however.
Boomstick: And his Ultimate is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen: he rips the sword from his chest and throws it like a fucking boomerang! Maybe Krul was an Australian viking!
Wiz: ...There are no Australian vikings, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Whatever, let me dream. This attack is lovingly named From Hell's Heart, and it is AWESOME.
Wiz: When thrown with this ability, Hellrazor travels in a straight line when going outwards from Krul but curves on the return path to renter Krul's eternal laceration. Any enemy struck by the sword takes a large amount of damage and is briefly stunned, rendering them incapable of moving or attacking for a few seconds.
Boomstick: Speaking of the stun, it lasts longer the further Hellrazor has travelled, meaning that if Krul throws it out and runs behind an enemy they can be stunned for even longer than if he just straight-up chucked it at them like a baseball.
Wiz: Not only is Krul strong, but he's also smarter than your average undead. He is indeed insane, but his insanity is more collected than others'. He can form rational thought, speak just fine despite his vocal cords and lungs probably having wasted away, and can come up with strategies in the heat of battle.
Boomstick: And as you might expect from what we've said about this guy, he's pretty freakin' tough! He can tank turret blasts without blinking, endure massive explosions, and has even fought and won against the Kraken, a giant monster that can level an entire city in its wrath!
Wiz: And being around for countless centuries means Krul is also very experienced as well. He's even taken the time to learn his blade, becoming a master of wielding it despite his twiggy stature.
Boomstick: But that aside, he's not what you'd call flawless. Being a shambling zombie, Krul is slower than other heroes in the Fold, meaning he can struggle to keep up with slippery opponents or to catch up to ranged attackers!
Wiz: Speaking of ranged, aside from his Ultimate Krul is very lacking in the ranged department, having no projectiles to his name. This forces him to rely completely on keeping his enemies within range, which can be a struggle if they turn out to be faster than him.
Boomstick: But when you can take shit like this guy can and dish out even worse, you know you're doing something right! If you see this guy, the best advice I can give you is to run way the fuck away!
Krul: Your soul... Will be EMPTIED...
Pre Death Battle
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
DEATH BATTLE!!!
Setting: Shipwreck Shore
(Cue GaMetal: Monty on the Run)
A cold, empty breeze swept past the line of skulls decorating the bleak sand of the shore, gusting a wind into the shredded and torn sails of the destroyed ships in the bay. The cawing of crows in the distance was the only sound that the air current carried, a haunting silence hanging over the row of dead, motionless bones.
*Ker-runch.*
Dropping from a short cliff over the row of deceased heads came an equally dead but more in motion set of bones. The undead skeletal pirate known as Spinal landed with great force due to the equipment he carried, his left foot smashing into a decaying skull and shattering it apart. Spinal cackled at the broken skull with an insane dement to his voice.
Spinal: Yaahahahahahahaha!
After he'd had his fill of disrespecting the departed, Spinal continued his solemn march down the empty coastline. His revivers, UltraTech, had noticed some strange paranormal activity occurring there, and they had sent him to investigate and find the source, if possible.
Cutlass and shield firmly in his boney grasp, the resurrected pirate scanned the beach for life. Finding none upon immediate searching, Spinal grunted to himself. This place was completely deserted; what kind of threat had UltraTech expected him to find out here?
A sudden noise from behind a rock formation made Spinal's senses jump. His hold on his weapons tightened and he stepped back, readying himself for an attack..
All that appeared before him, however, was a tiny brown-furred rat. It hopped along the dirt path, stopping every once in a while to sniff the ground curiously. With a sigh of both relief and slight disappointment, Spinal lowered his weapons.
Out of nowhere, the rat squealed in pain as a massive flaming blade came out of the blue and crushed it mercilessly.
Spinal: Yahaaa!?
Spinal's eyes snapped up at the sound of bloodshed. His glowing red orbs beholded a disheveled man with long twin beard tails draping from his chin and a viking helmet topping his wrinkled, rotten dome. In his hand he held the bloodstained blue blade, and in an unexpected move rammed it into an already rotten, festering wound in his abdomen. The beast known as Krul released his hands from the hilt of his blade and snatched up the corpse of the rat, dismissively tossing the two halves of hemorraging, dead flesh to his left and right.
Spinal raised his weapons again, grinning maniacally. Perhaps this sudden foe would be something of a match for him. Swinging his cutlass from one side of his body to the other, he loosened a challenging laugh.
Spinal: Haaahahahahahaha!
Krul's blue eyes fastened on Spinal, sizing up the challenger. Something of a faint smile traced Krul's rotten, chapped lips. Finally, someone who might rid him of his curse... But he remembered his reason for being here: a ship. He couldn't let this buffoon stand in the way of his release.
Krul: Out of my way, maggot. You are of no interest to me.
Oh, that was the tearing point. Spinal didn't care if this man - rather, this thing, was the source of his being here. He would rip it limb from limb.
Spinal: Graaaahahahaha!
Krul spread his arms wide, hunching over and growling like a wild animal. The bag of bones before him would fall, just as everyone else in his way had.
Krul: You have made your last mistake.
(Music should be at :41)
FIGHT!
A battle cry escaped Spinal’s mouth as he charged recklessly towards Krul, cutlass raised over his head to strike. Easily predicting the attack, Krul dislodged Hellrazor from his chest cavity and crashed its sharp edge against the pirate blade. With a shove against his blade, Krul forced Spinal backwards, UltraTech’s warrior stumbling away as he tried to regain his balance.
Before he could reach equilibrium in his footing again, however, Krul lashed at Spinal with Hellrazor. Spinal flung his shield up and blocked the sword swing soundly, the sharp side of the hellish weapon leaving an indented slash mark in the wood. Before Krul could pull himself away Spinal slammed his shield into Krul’s face, the metal bulb in the very center connecting with his absence of a nose.
Krul: Ahgg!
The zombie warrior flew into the air and landed painfully on his back, Hellrazor skittering across the sand away from him. Krul shakily stood back up just as Spinal came screaming back toward him, swinging his cutlass with a total lack of mercy. The rusty, weathered blade sliced into Krul’s rotten flesh, black and blue blood spewing forth from the gaping wounds inflicted.
Spinal: Yaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!
After a flurry of brutal lacerations, Spinal channeled the power of the undead as he sent Krul skyward with a strike of his shield. The earth beneath them trembled, and a skeletal hand emerged from the sandy depths of the land, grabbing the Halcyon zombie and slamming his body to and fro against the loose soil. Several strikes were endured by Krul’s frail figure before the hand clenched down and squeezed him tightly within its bony grasp. After a snap was heard, Spinal threw Krul away with the large hand, and it sank back into the ground.
Announcer: KILLER COMBO!
Krul slowly got up one again and, looking to his left, noticed the corresponding arm was bent horribly out of shape. Spinal was grinning and laughing like a madman, assuming he had done Krul a great harm by snapping the limb in two. However, a loud CRUNCH drew his attention back to his enemy, and he couldn’t believe what he saw.
Spinal: Hahahahaaaaaa!?
Krul had just broken his arm back in place without a care to be seen. With blood still seeping from his injuries at the edge of Spinal’s cutlass, he reassumed his combat stance. Hellrazor glowed a stark blue and flew from the ground, relodging itself in his chest.
Krul: Oh, t’is but a flesh wound.
With a growl of rage, Krul activated Dead Man’s Rush and barreled toward his opponent. Spinal, in response, frantically summoned some skulls that orbited around him with a green aura. With a wave of his hand, they flew towards their target with sinister cackles. Krul, however, was unfazed by the projectiles.. They crashed against him and shattered into shards of green, but failed to stop Krul’s charge. With a triumphant exhale of dead breath, Krul slammed his hands into Spinal, coursing undead energy against him.
Spinal resisted and tried to slice Krul again with his cutlass. Not falling for another basic attack like that, Krul stepped to the side and dodged before throwing a slew of strikes against Spinal’s exposed body, flinging his withered arms and fists into the skeleton’s rib cage. Dull-sounding thumps of hand against bone rang out as Krul’s attacks connected.
Spinal continued to slash at Krul, managing to score a few cuts in the skin of his foe. However, the lifesteal effect of Krul’s attacks healed the wounds over faster than Spinal could inflict them, and before he knew it Krul had eight stacks of Weakness built up. The thought of ending this early struck Krul’s fancy, and he cast Hellrazor down towards Spinal.
Krul: Begone with you, skeleton.
Spinal managed to see the attack coming and, in a moment of necessity, called upon the Mask of the Ancients’s power and enacted his Instinct Mode, Agent of Chaos. He blocked the sword with his shield easily, skulls appearing and floating around him.
Announcer: C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Spinal laughed again and released a flood of skulls the size of watermelons at the vulnerable Krul. Each slammed into him with great power, and Krul staggered backwards. Hellrazor flew back into him, and Krul looked up to see how he should regain the offensive.
He would get no opportunity to do such a thing at the present time, however, as the flash of steel from Spinal's cutlass glinted in front of his face just as it carved a nasty gash between his eyes. More of Krul’s unnaturally colored blood oozed from the cut, and Krul staggered away, blinded momentarily by his own blood.
Krul: Aaaahh!
Spinal relentlessly pursued his enemy, slashing around the wound Hellrazor rested in while Krul clawed at his eyes. Sickening rips of flesh emitted grotesque noises of infliction. When enough slash marks had been inflicted by Spinal’s blade to satisfy the bloodthirsty UltraTech warrior, he slammed his shield into Krul, sending him up into the air.
Spinal: Waaaahahahahaha!!
Another massive skeletal hand blasted out of the ground at Spinal’s command, snatching Krul’s limp frame from the air and tossing him further away. The VainGlorious zombie hit the ground and slid across the sand weakly. Finally wiping his blood out of his sight, Krul regained footing and looked up.
...Right as a massive green skull larger than his entire body opened its cackling maw and clamped its glowing emerald teeth shut around him.
Announcer: INSANE COMBO!
As Krul was seemingly smashed to a pulp inside the skull, Spinal began to howl with victorious, insane laughter.
Spinal: Haa.. Hahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
His laughter was so strong that he did not even come close to hearing the sudden declaration loudly proclaimed from inside the skull’s mouth.
Krul: I… Have suffered ENOUGH!
The massive green skill shattered as Krul slashed its jaw off with Hellrazor. Then, roaring in a frenzy, Krul hurled his cursed blue blade directly at his laughing foe.
Spinal’s laughing quickly gave way to agonized screeching as the tip of Hellrazor punctured his sternum and slid easily through it, sliding into and through his backbone. The hellish blade sent tremors of agony through the marrow of his bones, and he collapsed to his knees in pain. Agent of Chaos’s power rapidly left him.
Krul, on the other hand, was in a sheer bloodlust, and charged forward as his eyes blazed a bright cyan. He grabbed the handle of the blade and tore it from Spinal’s chest, steel grinding against bone with a loud screeching noise.
Spinal: Haaa… Haaa…
Krul snarled and swung his blade in from the side, chopping through Spinal’s spine at the waist. His hips and lower slumped to the floor motionlessly, and Spinal’s top half popped into the air.
Leaving the UltraTech soldier there to die would have done the job sufficiently enough. However, Krul’s rage and thirst for killing were now at an all-time high. He wouldn't be letting his opponent off with that peaceful a death.
Krul: Enjoy your last living moments.
Sprinting up to Spinal’s midair upper half, Krul lifted his foot high and stomped down on his dying foe’s chest, immediately crushing him against the dirt below. Then, planting his boot there for an anchoring point, his clawed hands grabbed Spinal’s arms. And with a great yank, the appendages came loose from their hinges in Spinal’s shoulders.
Spinal: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
As Spinal bellowed in torture, Krul flung his arms aside, cutlass and shield clattering to the sand as the hands that once held them tight fell slack. The light in Spinal’s eyes dimmed as death reapproached him. Krul screeched like a wild beast and unleashed a torrent of strikes to Spinal’s chest, leaving his ribs shattered and splintered. He then vanished from view, and Spinal struggled to move his limbless, broken body.
From the darkness behind Spinal, a dark blue fire lit from an obscured source. Krul had managed to sneak into the pitch-blackness behind his fallen foe and activate his Heroic Perk, Shadows Empower Me. His eyes poured with the ghastly blue flame, and when Spinal was within arm’s reach he grabbed his skull, sliding thumbs into his eye sockets and yanking ferociously. As Spinal released a final scream of discomfort, Krul poured his strength into his arms.
With a loud, sickening snap of bone, Spinal’s head was forcefully ripped in two, skull now divided. The glow of his eyes faded out finally, indicating that UltraTech’s undead soldier was now at rest.
Announcer: ULTRAAAAAAA COMBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Krul grunted and dropped him, letting the body hit the floor dismissively. Then, he crawled up the face of the closest ship in the port to him and found it to be in usable condition. Recalling the lost memories of a man forgotten by time, a man he might have been in another life, he hoisted the sails up and forced the ship into motion. As his craft began its cruising, Krul commanded only one thing of it.
Krul: Lead me to the living.
And so, in search of the Halcyon Well that could finally rid him of his curse…
...He sailed.
Results
Boomstick: Ouch.
Wiz: Now at first glance these two seemed even. Hellrazor was much better than your ordinary cutlass, both were about even on experience.
Boomstick: Sadly the pirate was a bit outclassed in everything. Krul had more destructive capability, and a slight speed advantage.
Wiz: Spinal was able to keep the zombie viking on his toes with his projectiles and was a match for Krul, but as Boomstick said, pretty much outclassed. Agent of Chaos did make Krul a bit more challenged but Spinal was still outclassed.
Boomstick: But hey, at least for most of this battle, Spinal was Bad to the Bone!
Wiz: ...The Winner is Krul.
