South Park Boys VS Crystal Gems is a what-if episode of Death Battle between Stan Marsh,Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman,Kenny McCormick from South Park vs Steven Universe,Garnet,Amethyst,and Pearl from Steven Universe.
Description[]
The leaders,the brains,the powerhouse,and the fatasses of each of these teams clash against each other. But which team comes out on top?
Interlude[]
Wiz:Whether they're related or not,friends are often there for each other when it really counts,whether they be biological or not and sometimes act as a second family.
Boomstick:Like Stan Marsh,Kyle Broflovski,Eric Cartman,and Kenny McCormick, the quartet from South Park...
Wiz:And Steven Universe,Garnet,Amethyst,and Pearl,the Crystal Gems of Beach City.
Boomstick:He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz:And it's our job to analyze their weapons,armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
South Park Boys[]
Stan Marsh
Wiz:Starting off with the default leader of the Boys is Stan Marsh,who's in the 4th Grade and lives in South Park. While looks can be deceiving,Stan is anything but your typical normal 10 year old.
Boomstick:Starting things off with strength,he's capable of harming his best friend Kyle,who consistently proves he's stronger than Eric Cartman everytime they fight,who can survive a lightning strike,a bus running him over,and a vicious beatings from PC Principal and can kick an entire planetarium projector with a single kick.
Wiz:He's also quick enough to dodge automatic gunfire,plasma shots,and can outrun a group of police officers on foot,and as we stated earlier,scales off of Eric Cartman,who can keep up with an airplane before it takes off.
Boomstick:Are we entirely sure these kids aren't aliens? Because whatever milk they're drinking,I want it. But that's not all! If brute strength doesn't cut it,he's packing some heavy firearms and weapons such as...
•Handgun
•Shotgun
•Flare Gun
•Molotov Cocktail
•M16 Rifle
•Uzi
•Knife
•Taser
•Tonfa
•Chainsaw
•Baseball Bat
•Iphone
Wiz:He can also undergo several aliases when he needs to as shown primarily in the Stick of Truth and Fractured but Whole. Starting off with his Stan Marshwalker persona,he uses a longsword that can block bullets and decapitate Nazi Zombie heads and can summon his dog Sparky to fight alongside him with several moves he can use...
•Marked for Death
•Whirlwind Sand
•Discus of Might
•Way of the Sword
Boomstick:He can also transform into Toolshed,his Gadgeteer identity from Fractured but Whole. Think of Handy Manny but if his toolset was made for kicking ass! As Toolshed,Stan has mental control over almost any type of power tool as his disposal.He can use screwdrivers,a measuring tape as a grappling hook,power drills,a sandblaster, His other four moves as Toolshed include...
•Spiral Power
•Revitotron 9000
•Full Bore
•Drillslinger
Wiz:During the events of both of these games,he's shown to be strong enough to fight on equal footing or on par with his other friends in Stick of Truth and Fractured but Whole like Fastpass,who ran around the world in less than a second,which would need around 57,219,771 miles a second and with the energy Fastpass was generating during his Ultimate,that must round up to 6.1 Megatons of TNT!
Boomstick:But Stan isn't exactly flawless or even close to invincible. He can be immature like any kid his age usually is and can still be put down with enough force. He's also not immune to mind control or possession,as shown when Satan took over his body meaning someone with those abilities can easily take control of his body if they wanted. Even with those flaws,you should never STANd in his way.
Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
Kyle Broflovski
Wiz:Like his best friend Stan Marsh,Kyle Broflovski is in 4th Grade and is a fellow resident in the town of South Park. Unlike the other four characters,Kyle is apart of a Jewish family and is usually the most logical out of all of them.
Boomstick:Like Wiz said earlier,Kyle is stronger than Eric Cartman and it's been shown throughout South Park through their fights they usually get into. He's beaten Cartman so many times,you'd think by now he would back off the guy given he's kicked his ass on multiple occasions. Guess not.
Wiz:Kyle's also very intelligent among his friends and is very skilled hacker,even being a straight A student at school and is smarter than most of the adults in South Park,and has found information before the government could figure it out. He's also comes prepared sometimes with...
•Knife
•Chainsaw
•Shotgun
•Nunchucks
•Golf Club (As High Jew Elf King)
•Leaf Blower (As High Jew Elf King)
Boomstick:It's also possible that Kyle has the ability to use telekinesis however it's only been shown once and never mentioned again so it's very unlikely he has good control over this power. Speaking of powers,he like the rest of the boys has two alternate aliases he can use as long as he's wearing the costumes,with his High Jew Elf King wielding a Golf Club as his main weapon and a Leaf Blower that can briefly match the New Kid's farts,which can rotate the Earth at 180° degrees! His four moves include...
•Rally
•Windstorm
•Summon Elemental
•Rain of Arrows
Wiz:His Human Kite alter ego is also probably the fastest out of all the boys,since he can fly to the moon at sub-relativistic speeds and grants him the ability to shoot lasers from his eyes and his kite can act as a shield along with of course...flight.
•Jetstream
•Kite Shield
•Laser Burn
•Wrath of Kite
Boomstick:But oh boy does he have issues. For starters,he's still a 10 year old child and as such,can still be put down with enough force like any human. Not to mention,he can be somewhat hot-headed in certain situations,whether it be the cause of Eric Cartman or Clyde making fun of his start up company,we won't deny there's definitely some anger management isn't his strongest suit. Still,this is one Jew you don't want to mess with.
Kyle:Get out of my way or I'll kick your ass!
Eric Cartman
Wiz:We then move on to the sadistic and overweight Eric Cartman of South Park. Unlike the other two we just mentioned,Cartman has little to no redeeming qualities such as being a sociopathic to downright...
Boomstick:A SPOILED LITTLE SHIT! God,I just want to punch him.
Wiz:Anyway...like we've covered beforehand,Eric is strong enough to kick over a planetarium projector with a single kick,keep up with an airplane before take off,and even beat the crap out of Mintberry Crunch,who defeated Cthulu! Although I wouldn't exactly say Cartman himself is as strong as Cthulu as it's likely more of a stretch if anything. But one of Eric Cartman's biggest and most important assets is his strategic thinking and ability to plan.
Boomstick:Like that time he grounded up Scott Tenorman's parents into chili and fed them to him,or that time he almost got his hand's alter ego,Mitch Connor to be elected into office,made a psychiatrist's wife commit suicide after sending a text on his phone and even manipulated Bart Simpson. Yeah...that kid definitely has problems and that's not even scratching the surface of what he can do.
Wiz:He also comes prepared with a plethora of weapons and items to carry out his dirty schemes or whenever he's back into a corner...
•Baseball Bat
•Bear Mace
•Blaster
•Chainsaw
•Dagger
•Flute
•Hand Gun
•Mallet
•P.29 Stun baton
•Sai
•Taser
•Taser Gun
•TNT Stick
•V-Chip
Boomstick:But whenever he feels in the mood for larping,he'll become his Grand Wizard identity. As the Grand Wizard,his weapon of choice is a wooden staff plus other moves including one that incorporates his V-Chip.
•Magic Missile
•Flame Strike
•Burning Cloud
•Curse
•Shower of Ice
•Gluttony
Wiz:His Fractured but Whole identity,classified as a "Ninja Manimal",is the Coon,who comes equipped with some coon claws can cause serious damage along with four other attacks he can use...
•Prime-Time Coon
•Coon Claws
•Coon Lunge
•Coon Pounce
Boomstick:Alas,despite all of this,Eric's terrible when it comes to hand to hand combat,as shown when Wendy and Kyle have defeated before without much effort,only winning a fight against a midget. Not to mention,he's very immature and egotistical and can be somewhat of a coward at times. Though never let it be said that Eric Cartman is someone you want to fuck with.
Eric Cartman:Screw you guys,I'm going home!
Kenny McCormick
Wiz:Finally,we move on to Kenny McCormick,but contrast to the other three,due to his parents going to a Cthulu cult,he unable to die,granting him some form of Immortality.
Boomstick:And that's not all! He can also apparently give others bad luck with his parka,fly and possess people as a ghost,teleport,and much more as shown in Stick of Truth and Fractured but Whole. He's also the strongest of the fourth boys,meaning he's comparable to what they've preformed and done. And he has a plenty of weapons to use at his disposal...
•Explosives
•Guns
•Firecrackers
•Bow and Arrow
•Shuriken
•Go-Go-Action Bronco
•Nazi Zombie Virus
•Flute
SHARED
•Dodgeballs
•Toilet Plunger Launcher
•Sponge Dart Launcher
•Warpo Ray
•Super Sniper Chicken
•Alien Dancing Gizmo
•Cow Launcher
•Crow Bar
•Bubble Gun
•Dark Matter Gun
•Zipp Cola!
•Snacky Cakes
•Double Firing Rate
•Double Damage
•Time Manipulation Device
•Tome of Teleportation
•Antidotes
•Shield
Wiz:Like Boomstick mentioned earlier,Kenny's immortality gets more crazier once we factor in Stick of Truth and Fractured but Whole because as Princess Kenny,he can summon the Grim Reaper and turn people into Nazi Zombies by biting them after consuming the Nazi Zombie Virus...
•Charm
•Royal Kiss
•Furry Friends
•Unicorn Stampede
•Summon Death
Boomstick:And in Fractured but Whole,he can become Mysterion,who's basically Kenny's Batman superhero identity with him being able to actually use shadows and darkness in his attacks as well as being able to still fight even as a ghost...
•Demonic Fury
•Dread Rush
•Dark Whisper
•Cruel Fate
Wiz:However,Kenny is far from unkillable. While his immortality is impressive,it still has it's limits and if his soul were to be trapped or if he were to be killed by another immortal,he could die permanently. On top of that,his parka makes it difficult for anyone to understand him,well besides the other boys. With all that being said,you should not mess with this Immortal Fourth Grader.
Kenny:Goodbye,you guys.
Crystal Gems[]
Steven Universe
Wiz:Steven Universe is currently a 16 year old teenager born in Beach City and is the son of Rose Quartz aka formerly known as Pink Diamond.
Boomstick:And although Steven usually likes to talk things out rather than get his hands dirty,he's not afraid to engage into combat when he needs to. He can summon shields for defense and even throw them like Captain America. His shields are so durable,they can even take attacks from Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond themselves,who are superior to regular gems and should be above Lapis Lazuli,who can steal all of the Earth's ocean water with a cracked gem which would require 35.2223617872 petatons of TNT! But that's just scratching the surface of his abilities...
•Shields
•Bubbling
•Shapeshifting
•Healing
•Phytokinesis
•Mental powers
°Empathic telepathy
°Mind transference
°Mind linking
°Astral projection
•Pink State
°Hexagonal Shields
°Sound Manipulation
°Flight
°Super Speed
°Monster Steven
•Fusion
°Smokey Quartz
°Rainbow Quartz 2.0.
°Sunstone
°Obsidian
Wiz:Steven's also very agile as well,being able to react to and dodge lasers along with the Crystal Gems and is quite smart for his own right,even stated by Pearl that Steven education in caring for other gems was greater than that of other schools. He's also equipped with some items from the Save the Light games and their spinoffs as well as some items in the show...
•Cheeseburger Backpack
•Ukulele
•Cookie Cats
•Rose's Tears
•Lucky Crown
•Beefy Sweatband
•Glass of Time
•Laser Light Cannon
•Fire Salt
•Feelgood Tea
Boomstick:However,he's not flawless,not even close. If his gem were to be removed,he could possibly die as shown when White Diamond seperate it from his body,he gets sleep deprived if he overuses his dream powers,and his Pink State sometimes makes it difficult for him to control some of his abilities,with his Monster form acting more out of animalistic instincts,and his shields and bubbles can still be broken with enough damage done.
Wiz:But of course,Steven Universe is one Crystal Gem who would rather talk and make peace with others instead of resorting to violence.
Steven Universe:Here we are in the future. Here we are in the future and it's bright... Nothing to fear. No one to fight. I can't believe we've come so far. Happily ever after, here we are!
Garnet
Wiz:After Rose Quartz gave up her physical form to create Steven,someone had to step up to the current role of leading the Crystal Gems and who better than the fusion of Ruby and Sapphire,Garnet.
Boomstick:Unlike other the gems that we'll be covering,Garnet is unique in that she's a fusion and has Future Vision,which lets her see into the future and multiple outcomes and possibilities as well as other gem abilities...
•Shapeshifting
•Electrokinesis
•Future Vision
•Photokinesis
•Heat Resistance
•Electricity Resistance
•Fusion
°Sunstone
°Sardonyx
°Sugilite
°Alexandrite
°Obsidian
•Bubbling
•Weapon Creation
Wiz:Garnet is also quick enough to block a bolt of lightning,punch hundreds of times in a couple of seconds,and is smart and capable enough to lead the Crystal Gems while Rose isn't present. Her main weapon of choice is her Gauntlets,which enhance the power of her strikes and can be upgraded to have brass knuckles thanks to Bismuth...
•Can create sonic waves
•Gauntlets can be increased in size for more power but at the cost of speed
•Gauntlets can be shot like projectiles like rockets
•Garnet can also her gauntlets to create an earthquake that can knock enemies back by smashing the ground
Boomstick:Yet despite all of her power,Garnet still has her limits. Just like any other gem,if she takes too much damage,Garnet will poof and have to wait until he reforms,making her vulnerable to shatter and worse,she would reform back to Ruby and Sapphire first before becoming Garnet again. Also,Garnet's Future Vision isn't 100% perfect and has shown to fail at times. Still,this is one..or two gems that can't easily be cracked.
Garnet:I will fight for the place where I'm free! To live together and exist as me!
Amethyst
Wiz:Being the last gem manufactured on Earth as apart of the Gem's Homeworld Kindergarten project and not coming from Homeworld like Garnet and Pearl,Amethyst is a Quartz Soldier but unlike a normal Quartz Soldier,came out a bit undercooked.
Boomstick:But don't let her size fool you for a minute! Because Amethyst is no slouch when it comes to strength and speed,even keeping up with Garnet and Pearl in battle at times,as well being the most skilled at using Shapeshifting and all sorts of neat attacks such as the Spin Dash,which was not totally stolen from Sonic the Hedgehog...
•Shapeshifting
°Can turn into Purple Puma,her wrestling alter ego
°Amethyst can also shapeshift into other people however she does not gain their abilities,just their appearance
°Amethyst can also turn into objects such as a helicopter and animals
•Wrestling
•Enhanced Digestion
•Spin Dash
°Homing Attack
°Whiplash Spin Dash
•Hair Blade
•Bubbling
•Fusion
°Smokey Quartz
°Opal
°Sugilite
°Alexandrite
°Obsidian
•Photokinesis
•Weapon Creation
Wiz:Amethyst's main weapon of choice during a fight is her Whip,which she uses as her primary weapon and has since been upgraded to a flail thanks to Bismuth. She can also dual wield and make another one if the off chance it breaks...
•Amethyst can send waves of purple energy along her whip or whips to create an immense explosion.
•Has electric properties and shock enemies if they're restrained by Amethyst's whip.
•Amethyst's is also strong enough to cut through solid metal
Boomstick:But sometimes,this alone doesn't let Amethyst win all of her fights as she tends to be reckless and impulsive at times and doesn't really rely on strategy,insteading preferring brute force. And if Amethyst gets poofed,she'll revert back to gemstone to reform,which makes her vulnerable to being shattered,which can ultimately kill her. Amethyst is also the least serious of the Crystal Gems,goofing off and suffers from low-esteem when brought up. Despite those faults,Amethyst is one gem you don't want to take lightly.
Amethyst:I will fight for the world I was made in! The Earth is everything I've ever known!
Pearl
Wiz:Originally one of the first of Rose Quartz aka Pink Diamond's recruits in the Crystal Gems and implied used to be in a close relationship,Pearl is the brains behind the Crystal Gems.
Boomstick:She's also the most skilled when it comes to fighting,focusing on grace in her fighting style unlike Garnet and Amethyst,hence the early tutu she had. She's also the smartest,being able to build spaceships and robots with nothing but scraps along with some other skills...
•Bubbling
•Shapeshifting
•Weapon Creation
•Nephelokinesis
•Photokinesis
•Water-Walking
•Holographic Projection
°Self-Duplication
•Swordsmanship
•Engineering
•Fusion
°Rainbow Quartz 2.0
°Opal
°Sardonyx
°Alexandrite
°Obsidian
Wiz:And that's not all! Pearl is also quick enough to pilot a spaceship through asteroids and dodge several metoers,meaning her reaction speed must be around a third the speed of light. And Pearl is also the most resourceful and skilled,being able to wield her trusty Spear that can shoot laser bits,be dual wielded and thrown. And if that breaks,she can just summon another one. This Spear,like the other previous weapons was later upgraded by Bismuth to be a Trident. She also wields...
•Swords
•Axes
•Replicator Wand
•Pearlbot
Boomstick:But being a Pearl or just Pearl has it's drawbacks. Most Pearls aren't exactly made for fighting,more or less being servants to other Diamonds. Not that Pearl can't kick ass,she just wasn't made to initially and she also is quick to get distressed in certain situations and is possibly a glass cannon,being poofed by a stab to the chest by a sword. Also,like the other Crystal Gems,if she takes too much damage or her gem is destroyed,she can permanently be killed through that way. However,whether it be through the Crystal Gems or on her own,Pearl is still one tough war veteran you do not take lightly.
Pearl:I will fight in the name of Rose Quartz, and everything that she believed in!
Fight[]
(Note: This is gonna be a bit long)
At Beach City,Stan,Kyle,Cartman,and Kenny are seen in the middle of the beach,each using metal detectors to look for gems since they heard this place was filled with them and wanted to get rich. Eventually,Eric found a shiny yellow gemstone within the sand and dug it out.
Cartman:Guys,look! I finally found one of these babies! Now I'm going to be filthy rich!
Kyle:Hey! We were the ones who were doing all the work,we deserve our split and share of the money too. You were just sitting on your ass most of the time unlike the rest of us!
Cartman:Hey! Don't boss me around,you fucking Jew! I will kick your ass!
Stan then got in between the both of them before they could begin fighting.
Stan:Guys! Guys! We can all split it 50/50/50/50 so that we receive a fair amount of the money when we pawn this gem,alright?
Kenny:Mmph Mmph Mmph (That's sounds cool!)
After that discussion was dealt with,the Crystal Gems had came back from the Warp Pad noticing some children talking about and holding a gem in their hand and ran towards them before Garnet quickly bubbled the gem before it reformed.
Kyle:Hey,what gives?!
Stan:Yeah! Hand us back our rock,we found it fair and square!
Steven then held his hand behind head,sheepishly as from his angle,the South Park gang seemed like a group of normal kids and he would explain this with much difficulty.
Steven:Yeah,sorry guys...that rock you just found was actually a living being,not just some normal-
Stan:Dude,we don't care. Just give us back our gem or else!
Amethyst:Or else what? You'll go crying to your mommies and daddies? Amethyst joked.
Garnet simply sent the bubble gem back to the temple,ensuring that the gem the Boys found was practically unable to be retrieved easily.
Steven:Well...I guess that takes care of that. Come on,guys let's go back inside.
As the Crystal Gems were walking away,Cartman was still pissed and decided to chuck a dodgeball at the back of Pearl's head,knocking her to the ground.
Pearl:Ow! You tiny twerp!
Kyle:Cartman!
Amethyst:Oh no,he didn't! Come on guys! Amethyst encouraged.
Stan:Goddamnit,guess we're fighting that fat kid's super nannies then.
Kenny then launched himself towards Garnet with a flying headbutt towards her torso,meanwhile Amethyst and Cartman tackled at each other while Kyle grabbed a Crow bar and ran towards Pearl,with Steven and Stan squaring off each other.
FIGHT!
Stan started shooting at Steven with his Handgun but Steven easily blocked the bullets with his shield before throwing it at him,with Stan barely ducking and jumping at Steven punching him multiple times before Steven kicked Stan away,causing him to slide across the sand before Steven used his Bubble Boxing Gloves as Stan used his Tonfa,as both each get several punches on each other before Steven rammed into Stan using his shield,throwing him back.
Kyle then began trying to bludgeon Pearl with his Crow Bar but Pearl was way too quick for the Jewish kid and elegantly kick him across the mouth,causing him to lose some teeth.
Pearl then swung her Spear at Kyle and Kyle went to clash weapons but Pearl's Spear easily cut the weapon in half and Kyle then drank some Zipp Cola! and started landing some cuts with his Knife on Pearl,moving quickly and actually slowly hurting her.
Pearl:What kind of human are you? Pearl asked.
Kyle:The one that's gonna kick your ass! That who! Kyle angrily replied.
Pearl:No...I won't let you hurt Steven!
Amethyst was currently blitzing Eric with her Spin Dash as he was desperately trying to shoot her with his Blaster but she was too quick for the boy and Amethyst restrained Eric in her Whip before throwing him into a boulder,with Eric screaming while being thrown.
Cartman:Ow! Fuck! Shit! Ass!
Eric's V-Chip then activated as he blasted electricity at Amethyst,who was shocked violently before shapeshifting into a bird,pecking Cartman several times before shapeshifting into Purple Puma and throwing a powerful punch towards the fatty's direction,only for her to punch the ground as he swung his mallet at her head and then a second time into her torso,slightly pushing her back.
Amethyst:Grr,you're cramping up my style!
Garnet:Little boy,I don't think you understand what I'm made of.
Garnet then began to run towards the Kid that always dies with several rapid punches but Kenny reacted to a few before a few of Garnet's punches causing visible damage before Kenny fired the Cow Launcher,shooting exploding cows at Garnet,who blocked using her Gauntlets for defense before firing them like rockets,destroying Kenny's weapon and using her electrokinesis on Kenny,causing him to scream in pain before his head exploded,killing him.
Stan:Oh my God,she killed Kenny!
Kyle:You bastard!
Garnet's Future Vision then found something interesting and she looked confused as what would happen next. She saw that the boy she killed would return.
Pearl then began using her Nephelokinesis,channeling clouds to mess with Kyle's vision but Kyle transformed into the High Jew Elf King and used his Leaf Blower to blow away the clouds as Pearl then was wielding a sword and thrusted forward until Kyle blocked with his Golf Club and parried as several holo Pearls came to assist the real Pearl.
Kyle:What kind of bullshit is this?!
Pearl:You need to watch your mouth!
Pearl then parried and clashed several times with Kyle's Golf Club before Kyle used the Warpo Ray to fire a devasting purple ray that easily destroyed all the holo pearls as the real Pearl was blasted next to Amethyst. All the other boys noticed Kyle and began changing into their Stick of Truth attire,with Kenny returning as Princess Kenny.
Cartman:You're about to get pwned!
Amethyst:Hey Pearl,we should fuse!
Pearl:I agree with you.
Amethyst and Pearl then began dancing until they fused into Opal,leaving the kids in shock as Opal combined Pearl's spear and Amethyst's whip into a bow and began charging up into multi-shot light arrows.
Kyle:I don't think so! FIRE!
Kyle then used his Rain of Arrows attack as Opal let out several light arrows clashed as the elven army took fire,causing arrows to be hit on each side of the battlefield while Steven blocked the arrows using his Bubble before spitting out some Watermelon seeds as Watermelon Stevens began attacking.
Princess Kenny then began summoning a horde of rats with his Furry Friends attack while a Unicorn stampede came to impale the watermelons as Stan sliced and cut any Watermelon soldiers with his sword before Steven pulled out the Laser Light Cannon,obliterating the boys army with a giant blast as their army was gone and Opal was unfused back to Amethyst and Pearl.
Garnet then ran towards Kenny with her Gauntlets for a strike but Kenny then used his Shield to block the attack before using Charm to lower Garnet's attack power and shoot several rainbows,disorienting the fusion for a bit.
Garnet then equipped her Gauntlets with Brass Knuckles for extra punch but Kenny quickly slipped out of the way before shooting several arrows which Garnet easily destroyed by punching.
Kenny:Mmph Mmph Mmph (Come the fuck on!)
Garnet:Really?
Stan tried hitting Steven with his sword several times but the son of Rose Quartz avoided before making another shield to block Stan's Whirlwind Sand before throwing Fire Salt into Stan's mouth,causing the level 10 Ranger to shoot fire from his mouth,burning himself.
Stan then quickly drank an Antidote,healing his burning mouth and status before using his Mark of Death by summoning Sparky to bite Steven before Steven used his bubbling to threw Sparky into a boulder,angering Stan.
Stan:Sparky! Oh,you messed up big time,fatass!
Steven:Who brings their pet into the middle of battle...
Stan then used his Way of the Sword special,attacking Steven with a flurry of sword slashes,which actually broke through Steven's shield defenses as the final slash created a giant cut on Steven's chest before causing him to burn and bleed. Stan then walked towards Steven in an attempt to decapitate but Amethyst quickly wrapped Stan in her whip before throwing him into the water,checking if Steven was ok.
Amethyst:Steven,are ok?!
Steven got back up and ate a Cookie Cat,healing himself a bit but his clothes still damaged.
Steven:Yeah...I'm alright. We need more firepower.
Amethyst:Way ahead of you!
Amethyst then started dancing which baffled Steven before he started getting her drift and followed along as they fused into Smokey Quartz as Cartman came running after his brief battle with Amethyst and noticed Smokey.
Cartman:Is fusing the only thing you pussies are good at?!
Kyle:Yeah,you guys are just one trick ponies!
Smokey:Oh please! I got plenty of tricks. Ever see 'sink the dink'?
Smokey then struck Cartman in his face,gut,and then upward with her Yo-yo,throwing him to the ground. Kyle then activated his Double Firing Rate and began shooting Smoky several times with his Shotgun but Smoky quickly spinned like a torpedo,making the bullets bounce off before kicking Kyle in the chin and hitting him two times with her Yo-Yo using a nearby boulder to hit Kyle back and forth.
Using the fact Kenny was occupied with Garnet,Pearl threw her spear at Kenny but Stan made a comeback from the water,soaked and deflect the spear away with his sword before Stan used his Iphone to shoot an electric shockwave,zapping Pearl into the sand,struggling to get up.
After Cartman was briefly knocked out,he decided to team up with Kyle and began sending several Magic Missiles rapidly with Smoky dodging them with her reflexes before sending her Yo-yo but Cartman leaped before it hit him and began using a Flame Strike,burning Smoky a bit before Kyle struck her front and backside with his Golf Club,throwing the fusion back.
Kyle:STRIKE!
Smokey:Oh,I'll give you two a strike alright! Prepared to be blown away!
Suddenly,three Yo-yos were summoned from Smokey's gemstones,creating a large tornado that lifted both Kyle and Cartman in the air but Cartman and Kyle combined their attacks to repel the fusion's wind with a Whirlwind from Kyle's Leaf Blower and Burning Cloud from Cartman blasting a mighty fart,pushing both of them back hard with their windy attacks creating a small explosion,throwing both boys at one side and unfusing Smokey back to Steven and Amethyst.
Garnet was dodging most of Kenny's attack before uppercutting him away with,leaving his bruised and battered corpse on the ground to try and recover. Kenny then weakily threw a half-assed Shuriken toward the Crystal Gem's leader but she easily crushed it and Stan noticed Kenny getting stomped.
Stan:Guys! Superheroes! Remember?
Quickly,Kyle and Cartman jumped away from the camera view and came back as the Human Kite and the Coon meanwhile Stan and Kenny became Toolshed and Mysterion. Before Mysterion got back to fighting,Toolshed made sure to use his Revitotron 9000 to heal him,restoring his health.
Stan:Everyone quick! Whoever you're fighting,focus on someone else!
Kenny:Good thinking,Toolshed!
Cartman:Coon coming through!
Cartman then used his Coon Claws and began slashing at Steven,who tried bashing into the Ninja Manimal with his shield,only for it to be bypass as Steven was then bleeding before healing himself with his spit and throwing several shields towards Cartman,who ran like an actual raccoon and leaped from the three shields before sending Steven back with a kick to the face.
Kenny(Mysterion):You won't see me coming.
Mysterion then preformed a Dread Rush on Pearl,punching Pearl twice before delivering some knockback. Pearl then jumped before firing several arrow-like blasts of energy from her Trident,which Kenny managed to outrun before throwing a firecracker at her,which threw her back and damaged her as she stabbed the ground with her trident,only for Mysterion to deliver a punishing melee attack with Demonic Fury,who was battle damaged badly
Pearl:Garnet! A little help here? These rugrats are tougher than we anticipated.
Meanwhile,Garnet was handling Stan,who was using Spiral Power to keep her at bay,before Garnet rushed at him with a powerful punch only for Stan to escape using his measuring tape as a grappling hook,before throwing a Molotov Cocktail at the Crystal Gem's leader,who was pushed back by the fiery explosion before hearing Pearl. They then began fusing into Sardonyx,keeping Stan and Kenny distracted as they then pulled out their hammer,smacking the two Freedom Pals away,as they were critically bruised from the damage of Sardonyx' War Hammer.
Sardonyx:Good evening everybody!
Stan:Aw shit,they fused again!
Sardonyx:Young man! Where did you inherit such a colorful vocabulary?
Stan then ignored Sardonyx' reply before they Sardonyx swung their War Hammer at the both of them before they quickly jumped out of as Mysterion then landed a spinning headbutt on Sardonyx,who was slightly pushed at most before Stan began using his Drillslinger attack,pushing Sardonyx once more.
Sardonyx:Oh please,you call that a power tool? Let me show you how to actually use a real drill!
Sardonyx then transformed her War Hammer into a drill by spinning the top of it,before Toolshed clashed with his Full Bore attack,creating a seemingly equal stalemate until Stan's Full Bore overpowered Sardonyx,making them unfuse once more before Kenny made sure to shoot one of the gems with his Shotgun in the head,and unfortunately Pearl was the unlucky one as the bullet hit her gemstone,causing her form to disappear as she was shattered.
Stan:Hell yeah! Teamwork!
As Amethyst and Steven were fending off Human Kite and Coon,they noticed Pearl's fragments laying on the ground and quickly got angry.
Both:NOOOOOO!
Steven then began to glow pink in anger before tears began rolling down his cheeks before his jacket ripped as he transformed into his larger Pink State as he began rushing at Kenny in the air,punching him rapidly and making him bleed from his mouth while Garnet and Amethyst began to gang up on Stan before he used his Drillslinger attack by taking out two screwdrivers and throwing them at opposite directions, dealing both damage and knockback to both gems.
Kyle:Stan,grab on!
Kyle noticed Stan's disadvantage since he was being outnumbered and grabbed on Kyle's legs before he flew into the sky with him blasting Garnet with his laser eyes,sending the visor-wearing gem back as Amethyst began trying to hit both of them with her whip but no luck since Kyle was flying and Cartman took this opportunity to land a Coon Pounce,jumping on Amethyst.
Cartman:Respect my authoritah,bitch!
Amethyst grew furious and decided to get both of her whips out,flails added and did a Whiplash Spin Dash,igniting them with purple fiery energy, and then spin dash on top of them, giving her spin dash a purple aura before Cartman preformed his Prime-Time Coon attack,clawing at the spindash before a purple explosion went off,and all that was remaining was Cartman's burnt coon mask,signifying Amethyst's ultimate attack killed Cartman for good.
Kyle:Holy shit! They got Cartman!
Kenny was still getting wailed on by Steven in his Pink State before he pulled out the Bubble Gun and encased Steven in a bubble,before he used spikes to easily break out. He then increased the size of his right arm and punched Mysterion before sending some hexagons at the Immortal,pushing him into the sand.
Kenny(Mysterion):Ow! That fucking hurts!
Amethyst:I sure showed that turd...huh?
Amethyst was exhausted from all the energy she put into her final attack. Weird,usually gems only get tired whenever their gemstones were cracked or damaged until she realized her body started glitching. Cartman's Coon claws must've scratched her gemstone before he died and thus her gemstone was damaged badly.
Kyle:From the sky...comes a kite!
The Human Kite then swooped and blitzed Amethyst left and right by landing several airborne punches before Amethyst created a whiplash with both of her whips by catching Kyle,damaging the Jewish boy. Kyle then got up,bleeding before using his Kite Shield to give Mysterion protection with his Kite Shield.
Garnet:That's enough!
Garnet then threw several lighting fast punches towards Stan but he used his Laser Drills to continually pierce at Garnet and for defense until one connected and shattered his goggles. Stan furiously then pulled out a Chainsaw and ran up to Garnet until both of them were caught in a clash,sparks flying between his weapon and her rock hard gauntlets.
Kyle:Now I'm pissed off!
Kyle then quickly flew up into outerspace after he was tossed around by Amethyst and did his Wrath of Kite Ultimate,shooting three giant lasers from his kite,which hit Steven,Garnet,and Amethyst,doing severe damage to their side. Amethyst was then poofed as her body couldn't take much more punishment and Kyle vaporized her gem,killing Amethyst and reducing her gemstone to ash.
Steven:AMETHYST!
Kenny(Mysterion):Human Kite! Behind you!
Kenny's warning was too late as Garnet used her electrokinesis to send a shockwave that paralyzed the boy and threw him several yards into some boulders,crushing him as blood spilled out and Steven began sending several more hexagons toward Kyle's path as he swiftly past them and pushed a few back with his eye until Steven used the ground as momentum to leap towards the Coon Friend and spiked him downward with a powerful kick,creating a massive crater and Kyle was battered and weakened,with blood coming out of his body as several more hexagons restrained him,unable to break free.
Kyle:Hey! LET ME GO,YOU PINK BASTARD!
Steven:Whatever you say!
Steven then flew high into the air before creating a hexagonal wall with spikes towards Kyle's directions as he tried breaking out of the hexagons that held him but it was no use as Steven then squashed him with his hexagonal spiked wall,as Kyle was killed,reducing him to nothing but a puddle of blood. Stan noticed his best friend's brutally squished blood as tears form in his eyes before he wiped them and grew angry with Steven.
Stan:NO,KYLE! YOU'RE DEAD,PINKY! DEAD! Stan shouted.
Kenny was then revived once again due to his immortality as he teleported right where Stan was and wanted to avenge their friends' deaths. However,Garnet stood in between their path and unleashed a Quake attack towards Toolshed and Mysterion,sending a earthquake that knocked both back and damaged them.
Stan then used the Time Manipulation Device to slow down time for 10 seconds before pulling out his Dark Matter Gun that created a wormhole/black hole-like vortex before kicking Garnet into it,as time unfroze and Garnet was sent into the parallel universe,taking her out of the fight entirely as her body couldn't handle the gravitational pull,reducing her to gemstones as time unfroze,Garnet was gone and the portal vanished.
Steven:Where did Garnet go? What did you do?!
Stan:I sent her to alternate universe with the Dark Matter Gun. You're next!
Stan aimed the Dark Matter Gun at Steven until he bubbled the weapon and sent it to the temple before Kenny played the Brown Note,making Steven defecate himself which only made him angrier as Steven sent more and more hexagonal spiked walls at their path as Stan continued to use his Spiral Power to send more laser drills to destroy the walls.
Stan:Any wall you send my way is no match for MY DRILL!
Kenny then got out the Toilet Plunger Launcher and started shooting several Toilet Plungers his direction,distracting Steven and confusing him until Mysterion roundhouse kicked him into the water,sending him crashing down.
However,a pink burst of light erupted as waves of water were forcefully beginning to be pushed as a loud roar could be heard and pink kaiju in the form of Monster Steven appeared in front of the superpowered children to their horror. Monster Steven then clawed toward where Stan and Kenny were before they dodged at the last second.
Stan:I'll hold him off,you try distracting him!
Kenny(Mysterion):Sounds like a plan,Toolshed.
Monster Steven then tried stepping on Toolshed but he set up some laser drills with his Spiral Power,making the pink beast stumble back clumsily before Kenny used a Tome of Teleportation to appear on top of the Steven's shoulder as fired the Alien Dancing Gizmo,making the beast dance for 10 seconds at most long enough for Mysterion to toss some Explosives down his throat,making the corrupted cough up smoke before he leaped off,more pissed as his spikes began glowing and water was blown back.
Stan:Let's him with everything we got!
Stan then pulled out his Flare Gun and fired several flares at the beast in an attempt to cook him,which actually started to work at first,burn marks appearing on his body until the monster screeched in rage and stomped towards him until Stan used his measuring tape to grapple unto a nearby boulder and unleashed a second Full Bore attack,pushing the kaiju down for a bit with a visible chest wound from his drill and Mysterion landed some powerful combos on his face,doing minor damage before doing a superhero landing.
However,the damage they inflicted was strong,it was not enough to kill Steven's Monster State as it then slammed his fists,creating a shockwave that paralyzed the two boys until Kenny jumped out of the way only for him to hear Stan screaming as his blood splattered beneath Steven's foot,signifying Stan wasn't fast enough.
Kenny(Mysterion):STAN!
Kenny's teeth gritted in frustration as he was the only one left that could stop this pink abomination. Kenny then quickly started activating the Double Damage powerup,making his weapons twice as powerful and began using the Super Sniper Chicken,hurting Monster Steven with several harmful eggs and then using his Guns to shoot multiple bullet wounds,causing the Monster Steven to howl in pain.
Kenny(Mysterion):THIS IS FOR KILLING ALL OF MY FRIENDS,YOU PINK AND SPIKY JACKASS!
The pink kaiju then sent a powerful shockwave across the ground before Kenny climbed up his arm and unleashing a devasting and powerful combo across his face,dealing some pain before Steven finally grabbed the kid that always die before unleashing a powerful sonic scream that was overpowering and ripping his hood,revealing his face before using Cruel Fate,knowing this was a last resort attack.
Kenny(Mysterion):Oh no,you don't! If I'm going to Hell,I'M BRINGING YOU WITH ME!!
Suddenly,Mysterion pulled out a bomb and unleashed it's full power,creating an explosion so huge it surrounded the entire area,leaving nothing left from that attack as the smoke cleared off,a pink bubble was all that remained as Steven walked out,turned back to normal due to the damage he took and quickly pulled out the Glass of Time as he began coughing.
Steven:I'll make sure this never happens.
Steven then transported away,hoping he could save the Crystal Gems and not have this battle,knowing they would die if this were to happen again.
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick:Oh my God! The Crystal Gems killed South Park! Those bastards!
Wiz:While South Park may have had the edge in intelligence given Cartman is well known for being a strategic mastermind and Kenny being able to command the armies of Heaven,and possibly arsenal given the fact their powerups and wider array of weapons were much more dangerous,the Gems took every other category.
Boomstick:While both teams have a lot of expierence and skill when it comes to fighting other threats but the Crystal Gems are actually much more proficient and skilled at,being alive for over thousands of years,with Steven being an exception meanwhile the Boys are still only 10 years old. But wait,couldn't the Boys scale to the New Kid since they fought him before in both of the games,who can rotate the Earth at 180 degrees?
Wiz:While that feat may seem impressive on paper,don't let it fool you as the New Kid fart was done so to rewind and speed up time,not out of raw power. The Crystal Gems also had the edge in teamwork as they're more organized and bicker less,unlike the Boys who yell at each other sometimes,especially Kyle and Cartman. Sure,the Crystal Gems have argued before but it's only on small occasions.
Boomstick:They could also fuse to become powerful,which could provide the Boys a much harder time for them to permanently damage or even poof them as the largest opponent they've ever fought was the Human Kite 2,and that was mostly due to the New Kid's 180 degrees fart he used to weaken him. But Wiz,how could the Crystal Gems bypass Kenny's immortality? Don't they need to trap his soul or be another immortal to permanently kill him?
Wiz:While Kenny's immortality is impressive and nothing to scoff at,this didn't mean Kenny was invulnerable to harm. And although the Nazi Zombie Virus meant he could possibly corrupt the other Gems into becoming Nazi Zombies themselves,he still needs to bite them in order for that to work which given their speed and range along with Steven's defenses,that would be a high demand. And even so,Steven could likely use the Glass of Time to prevent any mistakes to begin with. And even if the Crystal Gems couldn't permanently take down Kenny,they could still likely just bubble him as bubbles have shown to work on people such the case when Garnet bubbled Steven to the temple.
Boomstick:And to add insult to injury,we could've included Alexandrite and Obsidian into the fight which would've ended the South Park Boys a lot quicker due to their increased firepower but since we were nice,we only added three instead. Looks like the Boys could've won in a different Universe if this fight didn't go South.
Wiz:The winners are the Crystal Gems.
Battle Track[]
