Description[]
The Boys vs The Falcon and The Winter Soldier! When these two botched patriotic super soldiers fight it out, who will win and who will die?
Introduction[]
(Cue: Wiz and Boomstick!)
Boomstick: AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!
(Wiz and Boomstick stops, Cue: America, Fuck Yeah!)
Wiz: The United States of America. While it can easily considered one of the world's greatest nations, and is well known for it's intense value of patriotism, has sometimes taken things a bit too far. Especially in the case of these two all-American "heroes".
Boomstick: SOLDIER BOY, VOUGHT'S FIRST GREATEST SUPER HERO!
Wiz: And-
Boomstick: AND U.S. AGENT, THE NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA!
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick-
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win-
Boomstick: AN ALL AMERICAN DEATH BATTLE!!!!
Soldier Boy Enlists for a DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: The year is 1944. America is at war, and they really need a break through. Oppenheimer offers a solution, but needs time. rather than being forced to play the waiting game, America brings in Dr. Fredrick Vought, who offers a drug that creates super soldiers. The best part? They were already ready to use. Enter, Soldier Boy, one of the first super humans.
Boomstick: Dispatched among many other new Supes, Soldier Boy stood out, because he could slaughter dozens of those Nazi bastards as one time! Man, you can just feel the patriotism bleeding from that!
Wiz: Born in 1919, Ben was just another soldier who happened to be lucky, or perhaps unfortunate enough, to become a Super, or Supe, for short. By 1945, Soldier Boy had even earned himself an national holiday, one which he managed to get turned into a national holiday for all the American supes. Even after the war, he remained in the spotlight as one of Vought's (which was now a company) greatest heroes. He rubbed shoulders with the first hero, Stormfront, during her time as Liberty. And he even got his own superhero team, Payback.
Boomstick: He's a badass and a great guy!
Wiz: Not exactly. For with great power, comes great corruption. After years of practically being worshipped by the public, Soldier Boy was as cocky as one could be. In the early '80's, Solider Boy and one of his teammates, Swatto, got into a bit of hot water over beating up a homeless man in a park. And then some time between '80 and '84, Soldier Boy stepped in to stop a robbery preformed by the Milk family, and accidently killed all three of them in the process, leaving their youngest child orphaned and alone. Further more, despite being publicly against drugs, Soldier Boy and his team were recruited by the US Government to back the right-wing Nicaraguan Contras against the Soviet backed Sandinistas. Those same Contras trafficked cocaine to the minority neighborhoods to destabilize them and keep them out of white neighborhoods.
Boomstick: ...What? America would never do that!
Wiz: Yes, they would. However, things get worse. One of the members of Payback, Swatto, was careless and took an unauthorized flight and accidently revealed the location of the operations base, leading to the Sandinistas to attack and due to some foul play by the other members of Payback, who had grown to hate Solider Boy and his arrogance, allowed the Russians to capture him. Oh, and as it would turn out, he never actually fought in any wars, only ever "fighting" on a film set for propaganda films.
Boomstick: NNNOOO!! Stop ruining this! He was a brave man, and he had to have escaped, right?! ...Right?
Wiz: Not exactly. For decades, Soldier Boy was subjected to brutal experiments that gave him new powers, far beyond the superhuman physique and hard skin that he already had. Now, Soldier Boy could fire Radiation Enhanced Energy Beams from his chest, and generated the stuff just by living. Just under forty years later, Billy Butcher, the leader of The Boys supe killing group set him free in hopes of him being powerful enough to take down the current most powerful Supe. Homelander.
Boomstick: Now that's what I'm talking about! Soldier Boy is an absolute badass on the battle field, and is easily the most competent member of Payback. He can smack grown men hundreds of feet into the air, block bullets with his shield, as previously mentioned slaughter Nazi's by the dozen, and even trade blows with Homelander himself on near equal footing!
Wiz: Soldier Boy is a master of hand to hand combat, being skilled in Karate, Boxing, Judo, Wrestling, Krav Maga and Muay Thai. He's also quite skilled with his knife and is a master marksman with firearms.
Boomstick: And his shield isn't just for show. He's quite adept at using it as both a defensive option and a blunt weapon, as he's used it to block bullets and then immediately rush his opponents for a powerful bash.
Wiz: When it comes to super powers, Soldier Boy has quite a few. While he lacks the flight of Homelander or the sheer speed of A-Train, He can easily punch on par with Homelander, and has displayed the ability to toss around a car like a children's toy. What's more impressive is that he can break out of Homelander's grip. The same Homelander who can easily restrain Queen Maeve, who caught a falling bus earlier in her career. The Boys takes place in New York City, and the average city bus there can weigh up to 40,000 pounds, or 20 U.S. Tons. He's also shown immunity to toxins and his own radiation.
Boomstick: When it comes to speed, while he may not be able to run as fast as A-Train, he should be super fast in close quarters, as he was able to react to Homelander's attacks. Remember, Homelander can out speed a C4 Explosion. Wiz, run the numbers.
Wiz: C4 has an explosive velocity of 26,550 ft/s. Given that Homelander was right next to the explosion when it went off, and that he was able to grab and take Butcher from the house, it's safe to say he's a good bit faster. But how much faster? Well, it seems that Stillwell was wearing roughly 20 pounds of TNT, which has an effective range of 0.650 meters. given the distance Homelander already was from Butcher, which seems to around 1 meter, added to the effective range of the blast, Homelander would have had to move 1.65 meters in 7 milliseconds, or the time it would have taken the blast to reach Butcher. This means Homelander had to have been moving at roughly 24,000 m/s, or seventy times the speed of sound. That's Mach 70, or twenty-one times faster than the Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird, which is the fastest military jet in the world! Homelander wasn't even trying! And Soldier Boy's fast enough to get the better of Homelander in close combat!
Boomstick: Hell Yeah! That's the power of America, Baby!
Wiz: Actually, Soldier Boy possess a power that could actually kill Homelander. That being, his Radiation Chest Beam. After the Russian's experiments, Soldier Boy gained the ability to fire nuclear blasts from his chest. The blasts are powerful enough to create massive explosions that can blast entire buildings to nothing but rubble, and disintegrate and char anything in their path. But that's not all. After blasting Kimiko with his chest beam, she lost her powers, which had been gained through an injection of Compound-V. This means that even If the blast doesn't kill you, you're still up a creek.
Boomstick: He's unstoppable!
Wiz: Once again, not exactly. Soldier Boy is far from perfect, even now. His chest beam takes a long time to charge up, and it would seem that he has to remain stationary while using it. Next, the traumas from Soldier Boy's past just won't leave him alone, as merely hearing Russian music is enough to make him black out and lose control over his powers. Soldier Boy is also rather behind the times, and is still adjusting to the world around him. Finally, Soldier Boy is just as manufactured as anything else to come from Vought, meaning he doesn't have as much experience as much as he'd like you to think. Despite this, Soldier Boy's time in Russia changed him. Though still egotistical, Soldier Boy is one of the few powered people with enough bite behind his bark to face down with Homelander, despite being the older model.
Boomstick: That just goes to show just how badass this All-America Hero is!
Wiz: ... Never change, Boomstick.
| “ | Buddy? You think you look strong? You're wearing a cape. You're just a cheap fucking knock-off. | „ |
U.S. Agent Liberates DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: Thanos, the greatest threat the world had ever seen had been defeated, brought down by Captain America and the Avengers. Years later, Captain America would retire, leaving the job to Sam Wilson, The Falcon.
Boomstick: But Sammy didn't feel that he could do the job, so he gave the shield to the Smithsonian Institute, where it was quickly taken away by the Department of Defense, who wanted a new Captain America. A few weeks later, they gave it John Walker. God, now that's an American name. Anyway, a while after that, John was revealed to the public, who loved him.
Wiz: Graduating from the military academy in 2010, John Walker had a normal life before his time in the military. He attended Custer's Grove High School, and met his best friend, Lemar Hoskins, and his future wife, Olivia. He was the captain of the football team, and married Olivia shortly after high school. Then he went into the military with Lemar, and won three medals of honor for his many acts of valor.
Boomstick: What a badass! Anyway, John and Lemar, who was now known as Battlestar, ended up following Flacon and Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier to Munich to take on the anti-nationalist group known as the Flag-Smashers. There they fought with the leader of the organization, Karli Morgenthau and one of her teammates, who were enhanced with a super soldier serum. After a short battle on top of two speeding trucks, the Flag-Smashers escaped after laying a beat down on our boy in blue, the bastards.
Wiz: Afterwards, Walker offered to join forces with Wilson and Bucky, who refused his offer. he was taken aback, but still did his best to help take down the Flag-Smashers. Eventually, his investigation led back to Munich. After failing to find the Flag-Smashers, Walker was left with no leads until Helmut Zemo escaped from jail in Berlin. After seeing Sam and Bucky in the security camera footage, Walker went against his orders and managed to track them down to Latvia, where he arrested Zemo and let Sam try and talk Karli down. John was impatient, and broke into the room where Sam and Karli were talking and tried to arrest her. She knocked him down and escaped. She was caught by Barnes and Zemo, and while she was fighting with them, Zemo began to destroy her supply of the serum. Walker knocked Zemo out and found an undestroyed vial and hid it before anyone else saw it.
Boomstick: Later, he tried arresting Zemo again, only to get his ass kicked by the Dora Milaje, Wakanda's police force. They took Zemo, and left him there. But this didn't keep John down for long, because he took the serum a few days later and became way stronger than ever before! He tried to hunt down the Flag-Smashers, but they got to him first, attacking him and even managing to get the upper hand. But just before they killed him, Battlestar stepped in and saved him, but was killed by Karli in the process. What a guy.
Wiz: John snapped and attacked Karli, who ran away. Her comrade, Nico, also tried to escape, but wasn't so lucky. John attacked him and after a long pursuit, pinned him down and beat him to death, with Captain America's shield, even though he'd surrendered. After snapping out of his rage, John fled the scene in terror of what he'd just done. Falcon and Bucky tracked him down and after a failed attempt at negotiations, he fought with both of them. After a long and hard fought battle, John was defeated. Later he would be be stripped of the title of Captain America, and of all his medals and rank. In his lowest moment, he was made an offer he couldn't refuse by one Contessa Fontaine. She offered him a place in her secret organization. John didn't answer at the time, and went to visit Lamar's family. He gave them closure about their son's death, and then went home and made a new shield. Later on, John would help bring about the ultimate defeat of the Flag-Smashers.
Boomstick: But to do that, he'd need some power. And oh, boy, John's got that power. He's strong enough to over power and out match Bucky, who was able to evenly trade blows with the OG Captain, who was strong enough to smash robots to pieces, break stone columns and even trade blows with Iron Man!
Wiz: It should be noted that this armor was the Mark 46, which is specifically noted to be a "noncombat" armor. But even then, the Mark 46 is powerful enough to match Bucky's vibranium bionic arm, which can smash concrete walls and metal doors like cardboard, and vibranium weapons of the same caliber as Bucky's arm can deal damage to villains like Ultron Prime, who can tank hits from Iron Man's combat armors, which are able to easily create explosions that are equivalent to well over a ton of TNT.
Boomstick: Soldier Boy is a master of hand to hand combat, and is a master marksman and is skilled with his shield, and can use it almost as well as the original Captain America. He's also juiced up with the same serum as Cap, and should on his level in pretty much every way, and above other inferior serum users like Deathlok, who can toss a bulldozer with ease.
Wiz: When it comes to gear, John wields an STI Perfect 10, a common side arm for military men such as himself. His suit itself is pretty tough, and it helps protect him from attacks from other super soldiers. On top of that, his helmet is tough enough to contain a grenade's explosion. The average hand grenades explodes with an explosive force of 1,000,000 Joules, which is enough energy to destroy the interior of a room.
Boomstick: And after Cap's shield was taken away from him, John built a new shield. It's not as good as the original, but it's still an awesome weapon, and was a massive help to John during the final battle with the Flag Smashers.
Wiz: Speaking of the Flag Smashers, after John's final battle with them, he took Fontaine's offer and rebranded himself, had a new suit made, and changed his code name. Captain America was no more, having been replaced by U.S. Agent, a hero for every united states citizen. But even with all of John's accomplishments, he's far from perfect.
Boomstick: Yeah, John's a great tactician and all, but that's only when he's thinking clearly, which is not as often as you'd hope.
Wiz: Indeed. John is mentally unstable, and makes drastic and often harmful decisions when he's distressed. He is also extremally impulsive, and has been known to act without thinking. These tendencies of his got Lemar killed, and have been enhanced by the super serum that he took. In a sense, John's most deadly opponent is himself.
Boomstick: But no matter what, U.S. Agent's an All American fighting machine who stands for all our ideals and is more than willing to defend them to his last breath!
| “ | Look, here's the thing, uh, I'm not Tony Stark, I'm not Dr. Banner, okay? I don't have the flashiest gadgets, I don't have super strength. But what I do have is guts. Something Captain America always had, always needs to have, and I'm gonna need every ounce of it. Because I got big shoes to fill. | „ |
Intermission[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for an ALL-AMERICAN DEATH BATTLE!
All American Boys- DEATH BATTLE![]
New York City, Manhattan, 1:00 am
A black van pulled into the parking lot of a large warehouse. The head lights illuminated the old, drab stone wall. there were no windows, just cracked concrete which had been weathered into a nearly smooth surface.
"This is Agent Walker. I'm at the drop site. May I proceed?"
A well built man, no older than his thirties sat in the back of the car. He kept his index and middle fingers on his ear piece, awaiting a response from his handler. He didn't have to wait long.
"Agent Walker, this is Barret. You are to proceed and neutralize B.C.L Red. Bring him in if you can. Watch for his chest. If it begins to glow, get out of there." A gruff voice said from over the ear piece.
A week ago, project B.C.L Red, formerly known as Soldier Boy had escaped from Russian containment after William Butcher released him. Since then, thirty seven people had died. Three were confirmed to have superpowers, while the rest were civilians. While he had been a great asset in the past, B.C.L Red was too dangerous to be left uncontained.
"Roger that." John Walker, currently operating under the code name of U.S. Agent, took his fingers from his ear piece. He then grabbed a rounded metal shield from the car seat next to him, and set about checking his gear. Once he was fully secured, he unbuckled his seat belt and saluted the van's driver. The van's door slid open silently, and Agent jumped out, landing semi-silently.
Walker drew his handgun, a STI Perfect 10, and pointed it ahead of him with the safety off. He doubted the gun would do much of anything to B.C.L Red, but it was worth a shot or two. Gravel crunched under his feet as he crept around the building, looking around every few seconds, just in case Red tried an ambush. He rounded the corner, and now found himself at the front door. It was a heavy metal one, and would have been at least slightly difficult to get through in it's prime, but now it was far too rusted to pose any threat to the super soldier.
After a deep breath and a prayer to steel himself for the inevitable fight, U.S. Agent kicked the door in.
Earlier
Butcher couldn't be trusted. Of this, Soldier Boy was sure. Yes, they'd freed him from Russia and had helped him track down his traitorous team, but Ben felt used. He knew that he was only a means to an end, that end being killing Homelander. But after what Mindstorm had told him, he wasn't so sure he even wanted to do that any more.
It was for this reason that Soldier Boy sat alone in an old warehouse, a line of cocaine drawn on the surface of his shield. He chuckled, remembering when he'd had to do that stupid anti-drug PSA in the 80's. What a hypocrite he'd been.
Just as he leaned down to snort the line, the rusty doors of the warehouse exploded inwards. A large could of dust billowed through the room, and Soldier Boy's head snapped towards the door, peering into the dust, the cocaine forgotten for the moment.
"Soldier Boy! You're under arrest for thirty-seven counts of murder!" A large man, likely in his thirties stepped from the dust. He wore a tight suit of black kevlar, as well as a black helmet with a built in half mask. In his hands, he held a hand gun and a rounded shield, painted red, white and blue with a five pointed star in the middle.
"The hell are you supposed to be? You sure as hell aren't Captain America." Ben said slowly, picking up his shield with one hand, reaching for his side arm with the other. The cocaine slid off of the shield and onto the floor, entirely unnoticed.
"No, I'm not Steve. I'm the U.S. Agent! And like I said before, I'm bringing you in. You can come along quietly, or I can convince you." Walker responded, leveling his pistol at Soldier Boy.
"Kid, you'd better walk away. You seem to know who I am, and you'd be smart to back the fuck off." Soldier Boy raised his pistol, and glared at Agent, who simply glared back.
"A soldier never backs down." Was all the government operative said.
"Kid, I've seen soldiers. Being stupid isn't one of our defining traits." Vought's former number one said dryly.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Soldier Boy and U.S. Agent opened fire on one another with their side arms, both raising their shields in unison and blocking the other's shot. Sparks flew as the bullet bounced off, and both super soldiers advanced a few steps, discharging their weapons at each other with each step.
Now with a mere ten feet between the two, Soldier Boy dashed forwards suddenly, and slammed his shield in to Agent's. who barely had enough time to brace himself for the oncoming attack. Vought's super soldier hit harder than Walker had anticipated, and lost his footing for a split second. Ben noticed this, and capitalized on it by swinging his shield away from his body, thus tearing it away from it's previous deadlock and knocking the former super hero even further off balance.
Bang! Bang!
Two gunshots rung out as B.C.L Red emptied his pistol into John's chest, fully knocking him to the ground. John shouted in pain as the bullets hit him, but didn't break through his suit. Less than a second later, Soldier Boy was attacking again, thrusting his shield at Walker's head! Agent rolled out of the way, an explosion of concrete shards peppering him as the shield struck the ground.
John spun around, and kicked Soldier Boy's leg out from under him, bringing the other super soldier down to his level, literally. Without wasting any time, both fighters jumped back up, shield in hand and bashed their shields together again. Soldier Boy smirked and swung his shield out again, attempting to replicate his earlier attack.
However, Walker had learned from his previous mistake and stepped back, knocking Soldier Boy off balance. Without a second's hesitation, John smacked Soldier Boy with his shield, and followed up with a right hook, knocking B.C.L Red sprawling backwards.
Ben slammed into a crate, and broke through it. He landed hard, but launched himself back onto his feet and at his advancing opponent a mere second later. Soldier Boy rammed U.S. Agent with his shield, this time knocking Agent's weapon from his hands. In retaliation, John ducked under Soldier Boy's next strike and tackled him to the ground.
The two landed with a heavy thud, and crashed through a couple of crates. John rolled off of Ben, and the two laid there for a second, catching their breath.
"Not bad, kid." Soldier Boy said between breaths.
"Are you going to come along now?" John responded
"No way in hell." With that, Soldier Boy swung his arm at Agent's head, smacking him in the chin and knocking him a few feet away. He pushed himself up, and wiped his lip and observed his downed foe.
"That was a cheap shot!" John growled as he wrangled himself to his feet, yanking his now battered and broken helmet off and threw it to the ground, where it struck the concrete floor with such force that both the helmet and floor cracked.
"I fought in the Bulge. That wasn't a cheap shot..." Soldier Boy said coolly, hefting a crate from next to him with absolute ease.
"This is a cheap shot." He continued, hurling the crate at his still recovering opponent, who dove to the left. The crate shattered against the ground, barely missing Agent by a few inches. He felt several splinters shatter against his suit, but none of them came anywhere close to breaking through.
"Dammit!" Agent exclaimed, as he hit the ground and rolled into a crouching position. Soldier Boy advanced on him, only for Agent to come up swinging, hitting the super solider with a right hook, which was closely followed by a left hook. It felt like he was punching a brick wall each time his fist made contact, but that wasn't enough to stop John, who threw an uppercut at the stunned soldier.
Ben leaned back in the nick of time, dodging the uppercut. He quickly responded with a left hook of his own, one which Agent blocked with his right arm. Ben grabbed Agent's arm and yanked him in close, slamming his forehead into his opponent's face. John reeled away from his opponent, who kicked him back towards the door. Walker hit the ground hard, but recovered quickly and grabbed his shield, which was near by.
With a rageful shout, Agent hurled his shield at Soldier Boy, who had come much too close to avoid it. He took the blow the face and chest, and was knocked to the ground. The shield bounced off of Soldier Boy, and back towards John, who caught it and snagged Soldier Boy's own shield from the ground and rushed him.
Soldier Boy was still recovering, so he soon found himself flat on his back, with Agent on top of him. A mere fraction of a second later, the beat down started. John slammed Soldier Boy with both shields ruthlessly, pounding his face and chest with his flurry of attacks. Soldier Boy's shield was heavier than Walker had anticipated, so John tossed it away and kept whaling on him with his round shield, the metal starting to dent from the shear force he was exerting with each strike.
With a scream of absolute rage, Ben's chest began to glow. At first, John didn't notice and kept smashing him with his shield, which was looking more like an oval now then it did a circle. But then the air began to get hot. This snapped Walker out of his blind rage, and the super soldier leapt off and began to run away as fast as he could. With another scream, red energy exploded from Ben's chest! John turned to see a wave of excess energy flying at him, much faster than he could run, so he raised what was left of his shield and braced himself.
The heat wave hit John like a truck, searing his shield in two and knocking him back onto the ground. Ben stopped screaming, and the beam stopped. After laying there panting for a few seconds, Soldier Boy got up and felt liquid running down his face. He touched two fingers to his face, and when he looked at them, he saw blood. That kid was stronger than he'd given him credit for.
Soldier Boy walked over and reclaimed his shield and began to stalk over to John, who was just now stirring.
"How much longer are we gonna do this? Walk. Away." Soldier Boy said for the final time. If the kid wanted to fight again, it wouldn't turn out well for him.
How much longer could he do this? This was the question John Walker asked himself as he looked up at Soldier Boy, who despite the savage beating he'd dished out, only had a few small cuts on his face and a light bruise forming around his eye. He looked down. His suit was charred, and his legs felt like jelly. He looked at his shield, and saw his medals and a picture of Lemar, his best friend. He had a country to fight for. He had a wife to come home to. He had a friend to remember. Besides, he jumped on a grenade many times. So an injury like this was nothing. John Walker forced himself onto his hands and knees. He could fight as long as he had to to protect his country, his wife, his memories.
"I can do this all day." John said, as he struggled to his feet and raised the halves of his shield.
Soldier Boy frowned, and raised his own shield. This kid was something else, perhaps even a real hero, not like those fakers up in Vought tower, and not like he'd been. Ben took a deep breath. Hero or not, he would never return to captivity.
Without another word, Soldier Boy and U.S. Agent rushed each other, neither intent on backing down. Soldier Boy struck first, punching John's shield out of his hands, only for John to grab his arm and flip him over his shoulder. While he was on the ground, Walker kicked him in the face and then went for another strike, but was stopped by Soldier Boy, who blocked his next attack and shoved him back.
Soldier Boy, still holding priority, grabbed half of Agent's shield from the ground and hurled it at him, aiming for his head, just like he'd seen (and felt) John do earlier. Agent was dazed, and didn't see the shield coming until it was too late, the twisted metal spinning at him at dizzying speed.
Luckily for Walker, the shield's torn shape caused it to deviate from it's path, hacking into John's shoulder rather than his head. John screamed as the shield chopped into his shoulder, and the force of the attack knocked him back into a concrete wall, the shield cutting into the wall and holding fast, Walker screamed again as Ben advanced, and ripped himself off of the wall.
U.S. Agent rushed at Soldier Boy, practically feral from his pain and rage. B.C.L Red steeled his gaze, and kicked John in the chest, shooting him backwards at the speed of a cannon ball. He smashed into and through the wall with an ear shattering crash, a massive cloud of dust and a wave of concrete shards exploding from the wreckage. Soldier Boy sprinted forwards, his grip tightening around his shield's handle as he came closer.
John tried to stand up one final time, attempting to push himself up, only to find that his left arm had been ripped off during his crash. Walker fell into shocked silence as Soldier Boy arrived. Vought's former number one tackled him back to the ground, and grabbed him by the throat. Their eyes met as Soldier Boy raised his shield. Ben's grip tightened, and he bashed John's head with the shield.
Blood spurted from the massive cut opened on his forehead, and Walker screamed again, but the shield came down again. And again. And again. With each strike, a little more of John's skull caved in, until his brain was splattered and he felt nothing. Soldier Boy stopped striking when U.S. Agent stopped screaming.
Hero or not, the U.S. Agent was dead.
Soldier Boy stood up and began to walk away, until something occurred to him. Ben turned on his heel, in an about face he hadn't done in years. He snapped a salute in the corpse's direction. Then, he walked away, leaving only these words for his fallen foe.
"Sorry, Soldier."
K.O.
Verdict[]
(Resume: America, Fuck Yeah!)
Boomstick: (sniff) Aw, man. That was beautiful. USA!
Wiz: This was a fascinating match. On paper, these two would be a perfect match, what with their abilities and fighting skills and all. But when you really got down to it, The U.S. Agent just wasn't cut out for this match at all.
Boomstick: While both Soldier Boy and U.S. Agent were excellent fighters, we're certain that Soldier Boy's wider array of martial arts and techniques would give him the edge. Despite... not having the same amount of experience, he's shown himself to be able to effortlessly beat down Russian soldiers. And when it came to weapons, John was at a loss as well, as while his STI was a great hand gun, it didn't have the power to Soldier Boy down. And his shield was just made of steel, which is really strong, but not against a super human like Soldier Boy, who is far more deadly then the Flag Smashers. On the other hand, Soldier Boy had a gun himself, as well as his knife, and a far heavier and tougher shield that can survive being used to bludgeon someone to death unlike John's shield.
Wiz: Indeed. U.S. Agent fighting with The Winter Soldier and Falcon made him a formidable foe, but neither of those two had anything that could come anywhere close to Homelander. For example, the Winter Soldier can survive and punch on level with Iron Man's casual blasts, which can create massive explosions. Such an attack would be worth 2 tons of TNT at most, which is further supported by his non combat armors generating 10 gigajoules of energy per second.
Boomstick: Meanwhile, Homelander survived a chemical plant exploding in his face, and given the size of the explosion, Homelander would have had to have survived 775 tons of TNT. That's 387.5 times more powerful, and Homelander barely had a scratch on him! How's this apply to Soldier Boy? Well, only in the way that he bruised Homelander, meaning he'd have to at least punch on par with that explosion. Yeah, nothing John could do was gonna stick for too long.
Wiz: Now that's not to say this was an effortless battle for Soldier Boy, as John was faster and could lift more than him, and thus could keep him in holds and such. As previously mentioned, Soldier Boy scales to Homelander, who can out speed C4 explosions, meaning he has to be able to move at Mach 70 at the very least. Meanwhile, serum users like the Winter Soldier and Captain America himself can keep up with Spider man, who can react to meteors. Given how far he moved in relation to the meteors, we found his speed to be some where around Mach 177, which makes John about 3 times faster than Soldier Boy.
Boomstick: As for lifting strength, John was injected with the same serum as Captain America, so he should be superior to Deathlok, who was able to launch a bulldozer across a field. The average bulldozer weighs 105,000 pounds, or 52.5 tons! That's over twice what Soldier Boy's capable of. Granted, Soldier Boy and Homelander were low balled in this case, as we have no idea how much stronger they are than Queen Maeve.
Wiz: And the final nail in U.S. Agent's coffin came in the form of Soldier Boy's depowerment ray. While the long charge time would allow John to react to it, if he were caught anywhere near it, the shear heat of the blast could have killed him. And John would have had no chance of avoiding it after it was fired, as the slowest radiation particles move at 10 percent of the speed of light, or just under 500 times faster than anything U.S. Agent could possibly react to.
Boomstick: Yeah, and there's still a chance John could be depowered if he's near enough to the explosion, which would screw him over entirely. And John's irrational choices when under pressure wouldn't help him in the slightest,
Wiz: Exactly. The U.S. Agent had the heart for the battle, and perhaps in a battle of patriotism he could have matched him, but Soldier Boy was too strong, too tough, level headed and accomplished to go down.
Boomstick: Looks like U.S. Agent got beaten Red, White and Blue!
Wiz: The Winner is Soldier Boy.
Fan Made Track Cover[]
Next Time[]
Trivia[]
- The connections between Soldier Boy and U.S. Agent are that both are super soldiers created from super drugs that were war heroes, both mainly use shields as their weapon of choice, neither have anything against killing, are extremally patriotic, and have accidently killed people in the field. And despite both of their exceedingly violent actions, both seem to genuinely want to save people, even if Soldier Boy does to a much lesser extent. Both are also references to Captain America, even if U.S. Agent is from the same universe.