Death Battle Fanon Wiki

Shrek vs Sulley
Shrek vs sully
Season 3, Episode 14
Vital statistics
Air date April 8, 2015
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Donald Duck vs Daffy Duck Lex Luthor vs Kingpin (Crossover with Blippeeddeeblah)

Shrek vs Sulley is a What-if Death Battle.


DreamWorks vs Pixar! Which of these scarers is the deadliest?


Wiz: Man-sized monsters, they come in various sizes and colors.

Boomstick: Whether it's the famous folklore monsters or monsters that the kids imagine coming out of the closets or under the beds!

Wiz: Today, we are pitting the 2 famous computer animated monsters against each other.

Boomstick: Shrek, the big green ogre from the swamp...

Wiz: ...and Sulley, the current CEO of the laugh factory, Monsters, Inc.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.


(Cue All Star from Smash Mouth)

Wiz: Shrek is the big green ogre that the world has known and loved.

Boomstick: He once lived happily alone in his swamp, until he meet a talking jack-ass named Donkey, and his life was changed forever.

Wiz; He embarked on an epic quest to save Fiona from a dragon and married her, thus turning her into an ogre.

Boomstick: Then they went on a honeymoon, visited Fiona's parents' kingdom, befriended a feline ripoff of Zorro, made Artie king, and even saved all of reality from Rumpelstiltskin, and they live ugly ever after with their three kids.

(Cue instrumental version of Monsieur Hood fight)

Wiz: Shrek is quite the wrestler when he needs to be, and he can make fists to punch anyone who is dimwitted to get in his way.

Boomstick: But he can use weapons when available ranging from staffs, swords, and even chairs.

Old woman: The Chair! Give him the Chair! (Shrek uses a chair on a knight)

Wiz: And believe it or not, his bodily fluids can serve as a weapon, when it builds up, he either burps or farts them out.

Boomstick: Just like Wario.

Wiz: Shrek has accomplished certain such as what we discussed earlier.

Boomstick: Shrek is one lucky ogre, marrying a very hot ogre, much hotter than my ex-wife.

Wiz: This is one ogre you don't want to cross.

"Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-Bye! (whispers) See ya later!"


(Cue Monsters University intro)

Wiz: James P. Sullivan, better known to his friends as "Sulley", is Monstopolis' current CEO of Monsters, Inc.

Boomstick: But long before that, he wasn't always like that. He's was kind of a party animal when he attended at Monsters University. But he learns to be a little smarter when he started a friendship with his former rival, Mike Wazowski, and the two of them got kicked out of the entire university, but landed a job at Monsters, Inc. as mailroom clerks, then eventually became the scarer and scare assistant team, then befriended a little girl they call boo, discover that laughter is more powerful than scream, and the rest is history.

(Cue the scare floor in action theme)

Wiz: When Sulley does some fighting, he can be an occasional wrestler, like when he wrestled with his arch-rival Randall to save Boo. He can also use his fists to deliver some punches.

Boomstick: And he would occasionally use balls from the Nintendo Gamecube game of Monsters, Inc. Scream Arena. Like the slime ball, the chicken ball, the tickle ball, the black pepper ball, and even the disco ball.

Wiz: He also wields some weapons with him like a paint gun, a launcher that launches rolls of toilet paper, Sludge balloons that contain sludge, and even the glowing urchins that when they hit someone, they can swell up the certain part of the body within a matter of seconds.

Boomstick: So don't eat any of those bitches.

Wiz: Sulley has accomplished the certain that we mentioned earlier.

Boomstick: So it pays to not mess with the Sullster.

"Ha, Ha, She's not scared of you anymore!'

(Boo roars)

"Looks like you're out of a job."

(Randall gulps in terror)



Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, let's end the debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!


Sulley enters through a village closet door from the Monster world to find some new laugh material, until he hears screaming of villagers running for their lives from Shrek. Sulley decides to confront Shrek to make him stop his scaring. They both get in their fighting poses.


Sulley and Shrek charge at each other and trade each other punches and blocks, until Shrek punches Sulley in the face, and gabs Sulley by the tail and twirls him around, and tosses him to a toy shoppe, Shrek follows only to be hit in the face with a dodge ball, then by series of slime balls and a pepper ball to make Shrek sneeze, and then by a chicken who repeatedly pecks Shrek in defense until Shrek takes a torch and burps the flame to cook the chicken to its demise. Sulley then proceeds to use from his old backpack like his paintball gun, but Shrek then uses a staff to block the paintball shots until it was used up, then Sulley uses a sludge bomb to hit Shrek in the face, but Shrek uses a chain to make Sulley trip on the floor, then Shrek tries to use his fart to finish off Sulley, but Sulley moves out of the way in the nick of time before Shrek cuts the cheese, then Sulley launches a toilet paper roll to hit Shrek in his valuables, then launches a glowing urchin, then Shrek tries to est the urchin thinking it was another sludge bomb, but then Shrek's throat gets swelled up from the urchin's spikes, causing Shrek to suffocate and die. The villagers appear out of hiding, and cheer for Sulley as victor as Sulley himself returns to the monster world through a closet door.



(Cue the Monsters, Inc. intro theme)

Boomstick: Shrek is love, Shrek is life? I don't think so.

Wiz: Both combatants are equal on strength, but Sulley surpassed Shrek on speed, weaponry, and durability.

Boomstick: And brains despite Sulley being low-I.Q.'d.

Wiz: And even if Shrek's gasses made contact to Sulley's face, Sulley does put on sprayable odorants like in the first Monsters, Inc. movie, which may have been worse to Shrek's gasses.

Boomstick: Shrek should not have eaten the urchin, but he did and now it's all ogre.

Wiz: The winner is James P. Sullivan.


  • This is Maxevil's thirty-second Death Battle episode.


Pixar vs Dremworks It's the battle of the Scarers which strong, large but friendly monster will win?!


(Cue:Invader - Jim Johnson)*

Wiz: Monsters, Big Creatures that are good at scaring people.

Boomstick: And although these two strong monsters may look scary their actually quite friendly like Shrek husband of Princess Fiona and father of the Ogre Triplets.

Wiz: And Sulley CEO of Monsters Incorporated.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!


(Cue:All Star - Smash Mouth)*

Boomstick: Shrek is love Shrek is lif..."is interrupted by Wiz"


Boomstick: Wiz you know that's another line associated with Shrek right?

Wiz: Ugh...anyway as a child Shrek the Ogre lived with his parents, but on his Seventh Birthday he was forced to leave home as it was the "ogre rules".

Boomstick: Shrek would eventually find his swamp and live there happily chasing away any villagers that came near to it, until one day he met a talking donkey and his life changed forever.

Wiz: He got involved in this quest to rescue the beautiful Princess Fiona from a terrifying dragon with the donkey and managed to pull it off Shrek and Fiona eventually developed Feelings for one another eventhough Fiona was scheduled to marry Lord Farquaad the Lord of the town of DuLoc.

Boomstick: Turns out Farquaad was only interested in marrying Fiona as by marrying a princess he would become King, luckily Donkey turned up with the Dragon and Farquaad became it's Evening Snack.

Wiz: Fiona also had an Ogre form which she would transform into at night and since Shrek kissed her in this form she became an Ogre permanently and the two were married, after many adventures they would eventually have three children named Fergus, Farkle and Felicila and they would all live happily together as a family.

Boomstick: And Shrek would become a Meme!

Wiz: Will you stop talking about Shrek Memes!...Uh Shrek is a fierce fighter who has many attributes and abilities, he is strong enough to lift and throw armoured knights with no difficulty, cut a man with a sword when he was trying to Knight him, break part of a ship by throwing a beer bottle at it and was able to grab a massive decorative ball whilst flying on a broom stick and pull it around with ease.

Boomstick: He's also fast enough to dodge rapid crossbow fire, outrun a massive dragon and catch a witch's broomstick while she was flying past him at a considerable speed causing the witch to the fly off the broomstick and crash into a tree. He's also pretty tough being to shrug off multiple hits to the balls and still be able to have children, able to survive falling from a considerable height and managing to shrug it off with no noticeable injuries and was shot in the butt with an arrow and didn't even notice!

Wiz: And despite not being trained in any fighting style he uses many techniques similar to techniques professional wrestlers use, such as being able to piledrive opponents, tackle them to the ground and also being able to bellyflop onto his foes. When he uses this technique he hits the ground with such force that it creates a mini shockwave that is able to stun opponents.

Boomstick: Shrek is also pretty smart, managing to trick the Villian Rumplestiltskin into freeing all of the ogres he had captured so that they could break into his palace and capture him and came up with the idea of creating a massive gingerbread man that he could use to get into the city of Far Far Away so that he could stop Fiona falling in love with the evil Prince Charming.

Wiz: Shrek also is skilled at using nearby objects to aid him when in a combative situation, he's used logs, beer kegs and chains to get to the upper hand on his opponents and is able to wield weapons such as swords, spears, halbeards and maces with considerable skill, despite not having any experience using these weapons beforehand.

Boomstick: He can use a variety of potions to his advantage during combat if he drinks a red potion he will able to heal himself from injuries, drinking a blue potion makes him invincible for a short period of time and the orange potion briefly increases his strength.

Wiz: Shrek can also roar at opponents to scare and intimidate them his roars are powerful enough to move tables, people and fairytale creatures simultaneously but Shrek most peculiar abilities by far are his Superhuman burps and farts his burps are extremely smelly but if Shrek has a torch he can burp towards the flame essentially creating a flamethrower with his burps and his farts are strong enough to kill opponents at close range but Shrek can also fart towards the flame of a torch and create flamethrower effect. Even if Shrek isn't close enough to his foe for his farts to be fatal they are still really stinky which can be used to distract his opponents.

Boomstick: Shrek has defeated the likes of Lord Farquaad, Fairy Godmother, her son Prince Charming and Rumpelstiltskin, ridden a giant Gingerbread man into Far Far Away and was able to escape an alternate reality where he had never been born by falling in love with Fiona again, managing to accomplish this feat in a single day!

Wiz: While Shrek maybe quite resilient to physical attacks, he is especially vulnerable to sharp objects. Shrek can easily get angry if he is provoked enough which can allow his opponents to take advantage of him, he can also be manipulated by more intelligent foes which has enabled his foes to best him on multiple occasions and lastly Shrek has a low level of confidence which has stemmed from multiple people judging and persecuting him for being an ogre and this can prevent him from putting his full effort into a particular task.

Boomstick: However if Shrek really puts his mind to something, he can prove to be a truly unstoppable force!

Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.

Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.


Wiz: Born the son of accomplished Scarer Bill Sullivan, James P. Sullivan was a cocky, arrogant and lazy student who began to attend Monsters University at the age of 18 where he would learn how to become a professional Scarer

Boomstick: He would develop a competivitive rivarly with fellow student Mike Wazowski who was extremely bright and intelligent but just wasn't...really...scary. Sulley was invited to join the Roar Omega Roar Fraternity for his natural scaring talent but was thrown out of it after falling an exam.

Wiz: However things took a turn for the worse when Sulley and Mike were kicked out of the Scare program after they broke Dean Hardscrabble's prized scream canister. They both found out that the only way that they could get back into the Scare Program was if the competed in the Scare Games, a deadly completion where students would face challenges similar to ones actual scarers would face when scaring children. The two then joined the Oozma Kappa Fraternity and began to compete in the games.

Boomstick: Despite the challenges they had to face, the group eventually made it to the final challenge where they had to Scare a dummy of a child to fill up scream canisters. However Sulley rigged the settings of the dummy so that it would easily get scared of Mike which caused him to escape into the human world so that he could prove he was scary enough to Scare actual children.

Wiz: However Sulley confronted Mike before he managed to do this, saying that while he acted extremely confident on the outside, he was terrified by the expectations he had to live up to as a Sullivan and didn't know what his family would think of him if he didn't live to them.

Boomstick: The two would return to the University where Hardscrabble encouraged them to work at Monsters Incorporated because of their good friendship and teamwork. The two would begin working as Mailman in the company, before being premoted to become a Scare team.

Wiz: The two would work together faithfully for a while as a Scare team but one day a girl that Sulley named Boo wandered into the Monster world causing lots of problems for the duo, however they eventually grew fond of her and foiled their old rival, Randell's plan of using Boo to harness screams in order to prevent the company from collapsing due to the lack of screams being produced to power the Monster world.

Boomstick: Sulley would return Boo to the human world and after the current CEO of Monsters Inc., Mr Waternoose was arrested for saying that he would kidnap children to harness their scream energy, Sulley became the new CEO and decided that the company could produce a lot more energy if their employees focused on making children laugh rather than scaring them which solved the Monster world's energy crisis.

Pre-Death Battle[]

Death Battle[]


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These two are Monstrous All-Stars!
Season 3
Season Episode 7
Air date 12/31/22
Written by HyperSsonic
Episode guide
Sailor Moon VS Madoka Kaname

Shrek VS Monsters Inc.! It's a battle between two monsters with truly kind hearts! Will Shrek get this ogre with quickly? Or will this just be another Tuesday for Sulley?


(Cue: Invader)

Boomstick: Finally, season 3 is almost over! After a lot of time of us just sitting on our asses and not working!

Wiz: Yeah, we did procrastinate a good bit this season, but it doesn't matter for we are in the season finale! Now, for our combatants, we have two monsters, who, at first, seemed like true monsters, but underneath all of the screams they caused, they truly had a good heart.

Boomstick: Shrek, the mean, great, fighting machine of an ogre.

Wiz: And Sulley, one of Monsters Inc. most famous monsters turned CEO.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

Shrek takes ogre Death Battle!:[]

(Cue: All Star)


Wiz: Boomstick, we can barely allow that song to play as the background for this analysis, the last thing we need is a copyright strike from the almighty god that is Smash Mouth, so don’t continue singing that song.

Boomstick: Alright, I won’t do the song, but hey! We’re talking about Shrek!

Wiz: Ugh, I’m going to guess you’re going to make a reference to a lot of the memes and more aren’t you?

Boomstick: You know it, Wiz! Now, Shrek was born into a family of ogres, which isn’t surprising, but besides that, at the age of 7, his mum and dad kicked his ass out of the house! Though, what makes it so much better is that his dad wanted to just fucking eat him by bathing him in barbecue sauce and making him sleep with an apple in his mouth!

Pop-Up: There isn’t any true source in the movies or shows about Shrek’s parents, but from the musical of Shrek. Which is where the information about Shrek’s parents and childhood come from, and given it is the same story and such, it is safe to assume that it can be considered canon.

Wiz: After this, Shrek lived on his own in his swamp, and that was only his swamp, no one else, just his swamp. However, there were many who tried coming to his swamp, but he merely scared them off. Though, one fateful night after scaring away a group, one of them had a paper that said fairy tail creatures were wanted.

Boomstick: But Shrek just ignored it like it was nothing, but little did he know that just a good bit away from his swamp was where there was a group of people taking the fairy tail creatures. However, one got away, that was a donkey named... Donkey. So, Donkey ran into Shrek, and at first got onto Shrek’s nerves, don’t blame him, so he made the jackass stay outside for the night to at least be somewhat nice. Then as it turned out, the fairy tail creatures had been placed at his swamp by a man known as Lord Farquaad.

Wiz: So, reluctantly, Shrek had Donkey show him the way where he is, and after fighting off all of Farquaad’s finest men, Farquaad had Shrek get a princess for him from a dragon-guarded castle. Which Shrek was able to do! However, in the end, it turned out that the Princess, named Fiona, had a curse that made her turn into an ogre every night. In which, Farquaad didn’t want to marry her, so he tried killing her, but ended up getting killed by the dragon that guarded Fiona’s castle who was now Donkey’s girlfriend... somehow.

Boomstick: It makes it so much better that when Shrek and Donkey were at the castle, the dragon was going after Donkey’s “personal tail.” Basically meaning: The dragon was giving Donkey a bl-

Wiz: MOVING ON FROM THAT! After that, Shrek and Fiona got married and then had to go to the land of Far Far Away, which was where Fiona’s parents were, and at first, her parents weren’t the biggest on it. Though her mother didn’t mind by the end of the day, her dad still hated it. Including the Fairy Godmother who’s son was the infamous Prince Charming.

Boomstick: Who had just returned after he had endured blistering winds, scorching desert, in which he climbed to the highest bloody room of the highest bloody tower, and what did he find? A gender confused wolf, that’s what! So, King Harold tried getting a Spanish cat in boots to kill Shrek, but instead the cat became friends with Shrek weirdly enough. And what is funnier is that his name is Puss in Boots, which means that it is a refere-

Wiz: Stop.

Boomstick: Ok.

Wiz: After this though, they killed the Fairy Godmother, the king died, Shrek was meant to take over as the new one, but he didn’t want to so he got his cousin-in-law to do it while also finding out his wife was pregnant. Then eventually he got sent to another universe after making a deal with Rumpel Stiltskin

Pop-Up: There are two with similar names in the Shrek franchise. Rumpelstiltskin, the one seen in Shrek 3 and Rumpel Stiltskin the main antagonist of Shrek 4. Although, many times Rumpel Stiltskin has been spelt like Rumpelstiltskin, but do note they are different characters.

Boomstick: Well, that’s all for his story, let’s get into these abilities for Shrek! Firstly, I just got to ask: HOW THE HELL DID HE LEARN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING?!? Is there cable there that he can watch? Is there a magical verison of John Cena? Where the hell did he figure this stuff out!?

Wiz: Honestly, I am also wondering how he was able to learn stuff like that. Even besides that, somehow his farts are poisionous because it can actually cause animals to die.

Boomstick: Yeah! Shrek is even basically immune to fire!

Pop-Up: Shrek isn't truly immune to fire, but he can withstand it for the most part. Besides that, he is also immune to pain to a degree as he took an arrow to the rear and didn’t even notice it.

Wiz: Yeah, I don’t see how though. Well, he has demonstrated things like merely putting the fire of a torch out with his bare hand, one of Donkey and Dragon’s children breathing fire on him, he is somehow able to handle stuff like that like it is nothing. But it doesn’t really make any sense.

Boomstick: It’s the layers, Wiz. Ogres have layers. Not like cakes. Not like parfaits. Ogres are like onions. You got that?

Wiz: Yes, I know, you made me watch the same movies over and over again.

Boomstick: Good. Now, after that, Shrek also breaks the damn fourth wall. Yeah, Shrek broke the fourth wall in the first damn movie when he was about to kiss Fiona finally. Then you got him with the whole scary part of him. Yeah, his roars are so loud that they can literally move heavy objects!

Wiz: Then finally, he has some really enhanced senses with things like being able to detect brimstone before Donkey could and hearing an angry mob that was pretty far away from his house. However, even like others, he has a weakness being that he has a short temper and tends to fool around a bit.

Boomstick: Even with those things, we all know one simple thing. Shrek is love, and Shrek is life.

Shrek: Oh, hello there! Shrek here, and I'm ticked off!

Sulley is Death Battle's new monster!:[]

(Cue: Monsters, Inc.)

About 5 seconds of silence later.

Boomstick: Just got to say it feels weird hearing the background music without having my ears bleed like no tomorrow.

Wiz: Yeah, I have to admit, it does feel weird.

Boomstick: Ok, ignoring the meme, que the actual intro!

The camera glitches like it's an old VHS tape as the last few lines are in reverse before the sound of a button can be heard.

(Reque: Monsters, Inc.)

Wiz: Welcome to Monsters Incorporated, a company full of, well, monsters, where screaming children is how they get their power!

Boomstick: And through it all, they have one famous scarer among them all by the name of James Patrick Sullivan, or many simply know him as Sulley.

Wiz: Son of Bill Sullivan, one of the top monsters of his time, Sulley grew up with his dad having big expectations to continue the family’s reputation, So, given his status, he found his way into Monsters University, sort of like Harvard University is to us.

Boomstick: Man, I remember going there back in the day.

Wiz: H- How did you even get in?

Boomstick: I simply walked through the doors and had parties with a lot of the people there! But I got kicked out for trespassing and a bunch of other crap that doesn’t make any sense.

Wiz: I... Ok, ignoring that, Sulley was cocky during his time at Monsters University given he believed his family name would carry him through the Scaring Program, the program that gets one to be a scarer. However, he started having a rivalry with fellow student Michael Wazowski. At first, Sulley looked down on Mike as he believed Mike had no chance at being a scarer.

Boomstick: Still, I just love how Sulley kicked Mike’s hopes and dreams down the drain when he told him that, but that merely motivated Mike to try even harder.

Wiz: After this, the two were truly rivals trying to one-up the other. However, after an incident with breaking a famous artificact in their class, they were removed from the Scaring Program. This only made things even more bitter between the two as they continued on. But then Mike remembered a thing called the Scare Games, and Mike found an admittedly bad team to choose and made a deal with Dean Hardscrabble, who was the one that the artifact from earlier belonged to, for that if his team won, he’d be allowed back in. Which Dean accepted, but if his team lost, then he’d be kicked from campas. But they needed one more teammate, and that is when Sulley busted in to take advantage of this opportunity that was at hand.

Boomstick: So, at first, the two of them continued their rivalry leaving their team in the dust, figuratively and literally. In which they were almost automatically removed from the thing in the first game! Yet, due to plot they were able to stay due to another team having cheated. However, as it went on, the two eventually started working together almost as if they were brothers. In which they got into the final event. Where Mike just blew everyone out of the water with how scary he was! But in actuality, Sulley had changed the things after he went and resulted in him actually being kicked out of the University by Dean Hardscrabble herself!

Wiz: Though, while that happened, Mike entered a door that connected the monster world with the human world to try and scare someone. In which he learned the truth. He. Isn’t. Scary. Sulley then, after getting through security, went through the door to get Mike. Yet, when he got there, Mike was gone, so he had to sneak around, which he failed at, resulting in rangers to go after him. He did eventually get away and found Mike sulking near a lake, and after some motivation for both, they were found by the rangers and while Mike hid, Sulley ran. Yet, the two did eventually get back to the door that was now deactivated, but after scaring those said rangers, the two got enough energy to get through. After this though, they were kicked, but their team did get into the Scaring Program. So, while they did that, Mike and Sulley then found work in the mailroom at Monsters Inc.

Boomstick: Where they climbed the ranks like it was nothing until they went pro. Sulley himself got a new rival in Randall, the former college roommate of Mike who had lost to Sulley during the final games of the Scaring Games. After this, Sulley had gotten to a point of almost breaking the all-time scare record.

Wiz: However, while doing a favor for Mike, Sulley found a lone door left activated on the Scare Floor. He investigated and found a small child that he nicknamed Boo. Sulley then found that Randall was trying to become leader of the company with the new Scream Extractor. Sulley juggled a lot of different things including work and his friendship with Mike. Then accidentally scares Boo after his boss Henry J. Waternoose made him show some students what goes down for a person like him, Henry banished him and Mike to the Himalayas.

Boomstick: Yet, Sulley rushed down to a human village so he could find a door and return to the monster world. He defeated Randall, saved Boo, and found Mike who also found his way back. They go through the Door Warehouse, and they go through all kinds of locations. In the end of it, Randall is thrown into a trailer home. As for Waternoose confesses his plan to save his company at the expense of morality, and he is arrested by the CDA after being tricked into a camera-filled room. Sulley gets Boo back to her door before it is shredded.

Wiz: After these events, Sulley became the new CEO with now knowing how laughter is a better source of energy for them to use. Where he eventually got to see Boo one more time.

Boomstick: Ok, we’re running out of time, let’s get on with this already! Firstly, we got the fact that this monster is also a skilled fighter! Ok, I wouldn’t say skilled, but this guy can fight! Oh, and because he is a monster and all, this man can kinda just passively scare people! This monster was even able to break the fourth wall! That is something to scream about as he roars! Speaking of which, he is able to roar so loud that it can shake two scare simulation rooms at the same time. Even being able to just Solid Snake his way through rooms given his profession as a scarer!

Wiz: Then finally, like always, he has a weakness given that he is quite a bit arrogant and can be fooled. Despite this, Sulley shows us that even the biggest of monsters can have an even bigger heart.

Sulley: We're working for a better tomorrow, today!


Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, we've run the data through all possibilities.



The sky is a dark color as the night sky gleems with stars as clouds slowly roll in. The camera pans into a room that has a closet that is glowing. Why is it glowing you might ask, that is because the door is a busy building filled with monsters. Yet, monsters that don’t scare, but monsters that make children laugh and be happy. There are multiple doors leading the walk as a blue with purple dotted monster walks through alongside a small green one-eyed monster. “Alright, Sulley, this new door just came in and I thought that maybe you’d want to try it out!” The little green one asks as his big blue friend looks down at him and smiles. “Alright, Mike, I’ll give it a go.” Sulley tells his former college rival. “Oh, and just so you know, this door doesn’t go directly to a human, this one is a test door to a house that actually doesn’t have any children in it or anyone really. This door is just a test to get into this new village that was found. So, go sneak around the village to see the placements of buildings and such.” “Alright, that seems easy enough.” Sulley responds to his friend's comment about the door as he then stretches and walks into it. The door creaks open as Sulley walks through it. He closes the door behind him as he walks around the house. He then looks out and sees the rest of a village.

“Alright, this seems easy enough to tell the placements of each home. Just got to find a closet in each for more exact coordinates. This shouldn’t take more than an hour” Sulley thinks to himself as he opens the backdoor of the house and sees that behind him is a forest. He quickly but quietly walks into it to get a better view of the village. However, as he walks through, he hears someone scream. Then another one, until he looks and sees multiple people running. “What the?” He questions as he then sees a giant shadow loom over one person as they wave a torch in front of the thing that he can’t see due to a building being in the way. “BACK! BACK BEAST!” The man yells as Sulley then sees a giant hand come out from behind the building and just puts the fire on the torch out. The man backs away and falls to the ground as the monster walks out from behind the building. It was an ogre. The ogre walks towards the man as it snarles, resulting in the man to wimper. The monster then got down on one knee and whispered something to the man. “This is the part where you run away.” The ogre tells the man as he quickly runs off. The ogre then laughs at what he has done. “It sure does feel great to be an ogre.” The ogre tells himself. However, from the forest, Sulley walks out and confronts him. “Why are you doing this? Monsters don’t scare anymore, we make them laugh now! Even then, what even is your name?” Sulley asks as the ogre is suprised by this monster he sees in front of him.

“You try and keep your scariness after hearing that you were so cool when you were a ‘real ogre.’ And my name is Shrek.” He tells Sulley while picking up the torch that he had just put out and throws it behind him. “Even then, that’s why I decided to take a vacation to somewhere no one knows who I am to just feel like a real ogre again.” He continues as Sulley ponders for a moment. “So, you’re not from the monster world, Shrek?” Sulley asks as Shrek looks confused. “The only monster world I know of is my swamp.” Shrek explains in a joking manner. “His parents must have been banished and he must’ve been raised in the human world.” Sulley thinks as he then looks at Shrek. “Listen, I am sorry, but monsters don’t scare anymore, so you have to stop.” He tries to explain to Shrek. “And what are you going to do about it? I am just trying to have a few days to myself, is that so bad?” The ogre sighs as he then stretches. “If I have to, I will stop the terror you brought these people by force.” Sullivan says as he raises his arms and fists as he is ready if he needs to be. “Oh? Do you really want to try this? I don’t mean to be rude, but this won’t end well for you.” “Even if it doesn’t end well for me, as long as you are stopped, I don’t care.” The former monster quickly responds as he takes a deep breath in and out. Shrek then puts up his fists as he cracks his knuckles.


(Cue: Monstrous All-Stars)

Shrek runs at Sulley and goes for a punch, but Sulley ducks under it and throws one of his own. Shrek chuckles at this as he continues to put the pressure on Sulley, pushing him back. Sulley then starts fighting back, throwing punches at Shrek until the two lock hands to hands trying to push the other down. “Ya know, we could have settled this over a pint, but this is honestly more fun.” Shrek jokes as he starts overpowering Sulley. However, Sulley then uses his own strength to turn around and just throw Shrek into a nearby tree. “Oh, now we’re getting somewhere!” The ogre laughs as he grabs hold of the tree and takes it out of the ground before trying to hit Sulley with said tree. Despite this, Sulley catches the tree as the two then fight over who shall be holding the tree. Shrek then lets go of it and grabs a different one as the two continue to trade blows using their trees until Shrek then throws his at Sulley who lets go of his so that he can dodge the incoming attack. Sulley quickly gets up just to find himself being grabbed by Shrek and then getting suplexed by him. Shrek then tries doing it again, but fails as Sulley had grabbed some dirt and thrown it into Shrek’s eyes. Shrek stumbles for a moment as he wipes the dirt from his eyes.

Shrek quickly regains his eyesight, just to see that Sulley had run into the nearby forest. He chuckles at this, “Really now? Trying to sneak around?” Shrek then walks into the forest as well. Around this time, the clouds were causing more of a fog than anything, making things much harder to see. Shrek, however, continues to walk through it like nothing until he suddenly gets punched in the back. He quickly turns around to try and punch back, but there was nothing there. Then once more, it happens again. Shrek tried once more to attack, but to no avail. “He’s hiding, but where?” Shrek thinks to himself. He gets attacked once more, this time he feels claws run into his back which causes him to groan in pain for a split second. But, Shrek didn’t try to fight this time. Instead, he just stood there and took a deep breath in through his nose. Then, he smelt something. The smell of more damp leaves that results in him also hearing a step being taken behind him, as well as the smell of body odor or a deodorant of some kind. And before Sulley could land another blow, Shrek turns around and decks Sulley right in the face. “Got ya!” Shrek yells before sweeping Sulley’s leg and then getting him stuck in an ankle lock. He continues to put pressure onto the ankle of his opponent who desperately tries to get away, but as he tries, he then grabs a large branch and throws it at Shrek who just tanked it like it was nothing.

“What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?” James thinks to himself until he then remembers that he was able to injure the ogre by using his claws. So, he turned himself around the best he could and clawed at Shrek’s shins. Shrek’s grip losened which gave Sulley the chance to get away. However, Shrek was right behind Sulley so he had to act fast or else Shrek was going to get him. He then quickly climbed up a thick tree to then jump onto a semi-low cliff to give him a chance to catch his breath. Even then, this was hard to do due to the sounds of the leaves crunching around him kept getting louder and louder. Sulley was ready for Shrek to come from any angle. Then, it all got quiet suddenly. All Sulley could hear now was the slight wind blowing. Sulley then hears something heavy falling towards him because as he looked up, Shrek had climbed a tree and just jumped down from it. He lands right on top of Sulley as the two tumble down the small cliff with Sulley landing on top of Shrek. So, he quickly took the chance and started attacking like no tomorrow. Punching, scratching, and even using some rocks to attack his opponent who was trying to defend from all of it. Then, suddenly, a gurgling noise can be heard as Sulley questioned what it was. That was till Shrek belched right in his face, resulting in Sulley to become dazed a little due to the amount of stench that just came at him. “Better out than in, I always say” Shrek laughs to himself. Despite being dazed, he continued to attack, but with less accuracy this time. Shrek then took his oppertunity and got Sulley off of him and tried walking away.

“You aren’t going anywhere.” Sulley threatens as Shrek turns around, “Oh really? You and what army?” Just then, voices can be heard coming towards them as Shrek turns to see torches coming towards them. He gives an annoyed look as he turns back to try and go after Sulley once more, but he wasn’t there anymore. “Alright, there are supposedly TWO monsters we are on the look for. So, be sharp.” A man says as another next to him is shaking like no tomorrow until Shrek appears behind them all. “Actually, there is only one true monster here.” The group tries turning around, but before they can even process what is happening, Shrek roars at them, resulting in all of their torches to be blown out as they then scatter away. “Ahahaha!” He laughs as all of the humans run, but as that happens, he then feels Sulley’s claws dig deep into his back. He then quickly grabs Sulley from behind himself and throws him down in front of him. “Really? Getting the villlagers to come get me?” He asks as Sulley gets up. “I admit, I didn’t plan for that.” Sulley responds as Shrek puts his hand onto his back and then brings it towards his face, revealing that he was now bleeding. Even though he was now bleeding, he just scofts at it and picks Sulley up, who then punches Shrek again resulting in Shrek to stumble and fall to a knee.

Sulley then runs a bit back, uses a tree to turn himself around once more, and shoulder tackles Shrek before he could try and get back up again. He then tried clawing at Shrek once more, but he rolled out of the way causing Sulley to land on the ground as Shrek then chuckled, “Ok, my turn.” He then ran into the forest once more resulting in Sulley to look around as he heard faint footsteps in every direction around him. Yet, this time he was focused, and he was able to barely notice Shrek in the fog as he rose up a tree once more. He then waited as Shrek tried to bodyslam him, just to grab him and spin him a little before tossing him through a few trees, resulting in them to sorta land on top of Shrek. Sulley catches his breath as he then sees Shrek break through the trees on him, and now he looks pissed. “Ya know what? This is just a load of shit. It’s time you go down for good!” Shrek angerly says as he runs at Sulley once again, just for Sulley to run away from him. While running, the fog clears, but it starts raining heavily. Sulley slips on some mud and ends up tumbling down a hill, landing right back into the now empty village. He then walks around so slowly, but then bumps into a torch that was on the side of a building, causing it to fall as the building itself starts catching fire, and before he knew it, the entire village was on fire as well. Then, he heard the sound of someone walking towards him. He turns around to see Shrek walk through the flames as he holds onto his shoulder and makes it pop.

“H- How are you not dead?” Sulley questions, honestly wondering how Shrek could just walk through the fire like it was nothing. “Layers. Lots of layers.” Shrek says as he then grabs an onion from a burning cart of food that was next to him. He then takes that onion, and eats it. Sulley just takes another deep breath in as he just looks up at the raining sky as lightning flashes as thunder booms above. “I can tell you’re a good guy, but given what has been caused by this, I can’t let you live.” Sulley says in a saddnened tone. “You know, I was thinking the same thing.” Shrek responds as he notices a small flame near him as it was put out by the rain. Sulley looks at Shrek as the latter does the same. “It’s time we finish this.” Sulley tells as Shrek nods his head. The two then run at one another and lock up once more, but Sulley gains the upperhand after kicking the shin of Shrek’s that he had clawed earlier. He then tries laying Shrek on the ground to claw him, but Shrek quickly loads him onto his shoulder at a speed that Sulley didn’t expect and does a tombstone piledriver to the CEO of Monsters Inc. while then putting his thumb across his throat as if he was saying "off with his head" or something. Sulley quickly recovers and lowblows Shrek. His eyes widen as he covers his area while stumbling around a small bit till he slipped on some mud himself, resulting in him falling to his knees. “Stubborn... jackass.” Shrek musters out as Sulley walks up to him, ready to attack once more, but then he gets a chair to the side of his head as Shrek had found it.

Shrek slowly gets up as he tries hitting Sulley with it again, but Sulley throws mud at Shrek’s eyes, resulting in him to drop the chair and have to wipe the mud out of them. Sulley quickly grabs the chair himself and hits Shrek in the stomach with it, but that didn’t knock him down, so he does it again. That time however, Shrek barely caught it as it was able to return to Sulley so that he could use it once more. Shrek holds onto it with one hand as he wipes the mud out of his eyes as he looks directly at Sulley. “Not this time.” He tries pulling onto the chair to get it out of Sulley’s hands but Sulley pulls back resulting in a game of tug-of-war between the two on who would get the chair. The two continued until Sulley let go, resulting in Shrek to hit himself square on the forehead. Sulley quickly tackles Shrek once more and grabs the chair next to him before standing atop of Shrek’s arms so he can’t move as he raises the chair above his head. Then, he smells something, something that was truly diabolical in smell. So much that he had to cover his mouth and nose as he felt as if he was going to throw up due to the smell. Shrek then gets up as he dusts himself off a little. “Silent but deadly, am I right?” He jokes as Sulley catches his breath after walking away for a moment and onto his knees. He then gets up and turns around just to be punched in the face by Shrek as he stumbled and landed near a wall holding pitchforks that nearly fell on him. Sulley quickly got up trying to tackle Shrek once more, but due to the amount of mud, all that happened was that it made Shrek slide backwards some. Shrek then grabbed Sulley by the throat and chokeslammed him.

Sulley tries getting up once more, but doesn’t as he then notices Shrek start taking in a deep breath as if he was going to roar. Sulley sits there for a moment as he then remembers what he told Mike all those years ago at the university. “COME ON! DIG DEEEEEEEP!” His own words race through his mind as his eyes open wide with determination. He gets up and takes a deep breath in himself as the two roar with all they got, resulting in the rain that was falling on them to literally not even touch them due to the sheer force the roars were causing, but Shrek’s roar overpowered Sulley’s as he fell back onto a pitchfork that goes through the back of his skull, killing him. Shrek huffs and puffs. “I think I’m going to cut my vacation a little bit short and just go home now,” Shrek tells himself as he starts walking away into the night while at Monsters Inc., Mike was trying to open the now broken door due to the fire that surrounded it, not knowing the horrors that was laying on the other side of the door.



(Cue: All Star)

Boomstick: Talk about an ending that can get the crowd roaring! Or screaming, they’re close enough to be considered the same thing. Now, why did Shrek win this fight?

Wiz: Well, he just edged out in almost all categories by a very slight margin. Starting with strength and durability, both can roar so loud that they can cause things to move or shake. However, Shrek’s roar was something we found more impressive as he was able to roar to where he was able to cause an entire room filled with people and heavy objects all went back a few feet.

Boomstick: While the best Sulley’s roar got to be was causing the double scare simulators to shake. Now, some might think this makes Sulley roar stronger, but you have to remember that those scare simulators were hollow and barely had any actual things for it to truly be considered an actual building.

Wiz: Even ignoring roars, the both of them have shown similar feats in strength with them both being able to deal with metal doors. But, Shrek has torn down metal doors, while Sulley ripped off one. So, Shrek slightly held the edge in regards to this.

Pop-Up: Both have dealt with others at a similar level of themselves, meaning that in both strength and durability, Shrek held a slight edge in both.

Another Pop-Up: This is also only including things from the actual movies and nothing more. If we included things like commercials and shorts, Shrek would have had an even larger advantage.

Boomstick: Even in speed Shrek held an advantage. Sulley could outrun multiple security guards and outrun a bus which goes at an average speed of between 28 to 34 MPH. While Shrek can keep up and outrun Donkey, who is an adult male donkey which can run up to 40 mph.

Pop-Up: We know Shrek can outrun Donkey going at full speed as in the fourth movie when he did so, Donkey didn’t know him and was scared for his life. So it is safe to say he was running at top speed.

Wiz: That isn’t even including Shrek’s ability to react to arrows shot by a skilled archer. Meaning that at minimum, Shrek can react to things going at about 121 MPH, or about 3-4 faster than anything Sulley can physically do.

Boomstick: Yeah, though, Sulley does have an upperhand in stealth at least. He is a literal pro at it! Though, Shrek isn’t far behind as he can hide from multiple men as he is right behind them, and could possibly smell Sulley if anything.

Wiz: In intelligence, this is once more a thing that goes for Shrek. He has far better tactics and is way better skilled in his surroundings compared to Sulley. Not to say Sulley is dumb, but Shrek just overtakes him.

Pop-Up: This also means that Shrek is more experienced than Sulley.

Boomstick: Then finally, Shrek had something that Sulley didn’t: Abilities. I mean, yeah, Sulley can break the fourth wall to a degree like Shrek, but Shrek had things like his breath and actually having farts as a wincon as they could possibly even just kill Sulley on the spot!

Wiz: Sulley tried his best, but he was unable to actually take out his opponent in a way that mattered.

Boomstick: Even though it wasn’t as a monstrous different as many would think, it’s all ogre for Sulley as he can no longer be the all star in this fight.

Wiz: The winner is Shrek.