| Strongest, Sexiest Rivals | |
|---|---|
| Season | 2 |
| Season Episode | 3 |
| Air date | July 15, 2020 |
| Written by | Professor Mewtwo |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous SpongeBob SquarePants vs Fishy Boopkins |
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Satsuki Kiryuin vs Jeanne is a What-If? Death Battle created by Professor Mewtwo it features Satsuki Kiryuin from the anime Kill la Kill pitted against Jeanne from the video game series Bayonetta.
Description[]
Kill la Kill vs Bayonetta! It's an epic battle between two prideful rivals turned close allies to heroines with similar abilities. Does the Student Council President of Honnōji Academy have what it take to bring down the heiress to the Umbra Witches?
Poll[]
Got any roots or bets? Make sure to vote in the discussion poll!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Whether a person is good or evil can never truly be determined. Even the most hated of enemies could be a potential friend with a common goal.
Boomstick: But one thing is easy to determine, and that's how godd*** sexy a woman can be.
Wiz: Satsuki Kiryuin, the leader of Honnōji Academy and rival to Ryuko Matoi.
Boomstick: And Jeanne, heiress to the Umbra Witches and rival to Bayonetta. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Satsuki Kiryuin[]
Wiz: As your typical juvenile delinquent, Ryuko Matoi was often getting into fights.
Boomstick: If anyone tried to bully, mug, or stare at her hot body, she would kick their a** in a heartbeat, and when Ryuko found her father impaled by half a pair of scissors you better believe she set out on a quest to find her old man’s killer.
Wiz: Ryuko’s search eventually led her to Honnōji Academy, where she met the woman she needed to beat in order to get answers: Satsuki Kiryuin.
Boomstick: D***, in only a few seconds you can tell she’s better than you in every way, and with good reason. Satsuki is the daughter of Ragyo Kiryuin, CEO of the Revocs Corporation, yet another evil Walmart that wants to take over the world. Under Ragyo’s care, Satsuki grew up in a life of luxury with more money than she knew what to do with.
Wiz: All thanks to the Revocs Corporation dominating apparel sales with a special line of clothing infused with Life Fibers, an alien parasite that feeds off the energy of whoever wears them.
Boomstick: Good thing Revocs never mentioned that last part otherwise they would lose customers faster than you can say “the nudists were right.”
Wiz: In order to ensure her global domination, Ragyo planned to use Life Fibers to create clothing that grant superhumans abilities called Goku Uniforms, and founded Honnōji Academy to act as the testing grounds. She left Satsuki in charge as the Student Council President who quickly turned the school into a hierarchy and ruled with an iron fist.
Boomstick: And by iron fist we mean a giant black sword. This katana named Bakuzan is made from a special material that can cut through anything and is practically unbreakable, except for the one time it did break, but it was quickly rebuilt into the wakizashi sword Bakuzan Kōryū and the knife-like tanto sword Bakuzan Gako to double the cutting power of her original blade.
Wiz: Despite her pampered upbringing, Satsuki is far from a spoiled princess. She is a master swordsman, a genius tactician, and thanks to the Kiryuin bloodline, her physical abilities far exceed that of the average human. With these abilities Satsuki had the other students bowing before her, effectively creating her personal army, but things started to get complicated when Ryuko showed up with her own Goku Uniform: Senketsu.
Boomstick: That angry-looking sailor uniform helped Ryuko power through the rival students, so Satsuki decided to join in on the Honnōji hype, and went to get a Goku Uniform of her own, and chose one that Revocs sealed away for being completely uncontrollable… to anyone but Satsuki that is. She managed to take the Goku Uniform for herself and gave it a name: Junketsu. Of course, naming her uniform similar to Ryuko’s proves that Satsuki really isn’t the creative type.
Wiz: Like Senketsu, Junketsu is a special type of Goku Uniform known as a Kamui. To compare, a Goku Uniform with 10 percent Life Fibers is enough to turn an ordinary man into a superhuman, and increasing the percentage of Life Fibers increases the Uniform’s power in turn. A Kamui is the pinnacle of all Goku Uniforms as it’s composed of 100 percent Life Fibers, so just imagine the insane power this clothing possesses. Whenever Satsuki needs to utilize this power, she activates Life Fiber Override to unleash Junketsu’s true form.
Boomstick: What the f***!? You can’t be serious. Was Junketsu really a stripper outfit this whole time?
Wiz: Don’t misinterpret this. While Junketsu’s true form is a bit more revealing than expected, it allows Satsuki to utilize her outfit’s power to its full extent.
Boomstick: Unless that “power” is to distract people with her sexiness, I don’t think that really makes sense. Regardless, Junketsu turns Satsuki into an unstoppable monster who can send people flying with just a tap of her sword. She also becomes super durable and can propel herself forward with a couple kick-a** jet boosters.
Wiz: In addition, Junketsu can alter its shape for more combat applications like grappling hook or drills, and after adding pieces of Senketsu, Satsuki gained access to new forms only Ryuko could originally achieve. With Zenkan mode Satsuki covers herself in blades and Senpu mode allows her to take flight at mach speeds.
Boomstick: Or she can just combine them into Senpu Zenkan, because why settle for one mode when you can both. You know with all those cool powers, I might actually want a Kamui myself.
Wiz: Really? I just so happen to have one right here.
Wiz pulls out an outfit that looks similar to Junketsu.
Boomstick: Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!
Before Boomstick can grab the Kamui, it jumps at his face and tackles him to the floor.
Boomstick: OH GOD THE PAIN! GET IT OFF!
Wiz: Unfortunately Goku Uniforms have a major drawback. When active, the Life Fibers within consume the wearer’s blood with no restraint. Wearing one for too long can drive a person insane or even kill them. So only someone with a high Life Fiber resistance like Satsuki is capable of wearing a Kamui long enough to use it effectively in battle.
Boomstick: And it’s on. That wasn’t too bad.
Boomstick looks down to see that the outfit he’s wearing is a women’s outfit. One that makes him look like a pretty princess (complete with makeup).
Boomstick: You son of a b****. I’ll get you back for this.
Wiz: With Junketsu’s power, Satsuki proved to be a formidable rival to Ryuko. Despite beating the students of Honnōji Academy one by one and becoming stronger along the way, Ryuko never managed to dethrone the Student Council President, but she did manage to find some answers.
Boomstick: Turns out Ragyo ordered a creepy little girl to pull the plug on dear old daddy making her the new target of Ryuko’s revenge. In a classic anime protagonist confrontation, Ryuko prepared to stab Ragyo’s heart out, but Satsuki ended up beating her to the punch. Hey, I understand teenage rebellion, but this seems to be taking things too far.
Wiz: This is a lot more complicated than a teenage rebellion. Years ago, Satsuki learned that the Life Fibers had evolved humanity over the years so they could devour them along with the entire the planet. Ragyo’s goal was to carry out the Life Fiber’s will at all costs, even going as far as performing Life Fiber experiments on Satsuki’s younger sister until she died. Once she learned the truth, Satsuki dedicated her entire life to stopping Ragyo’s plan, and secretly trained Honnōji Academy to become a fighting force to counter the Revocs Corporation.
Boomstick: And she almost succeeded, only to lose by a thread. Literally! She decapitated her mother, and her head reattached because it was connected to her body by a single frickin thread! Things were looking pretty bad, but fortunately Satsuki wasn’t the only Kiryuin after Ragyo’s head because as it turns out Ryuko was Satsuki’s supposedly dead sister all along.
Wiz: This was a lot to take in, but Ryuko and Satsuki eventually gained respect for one another and put their sibling rivalry aside to kill their mother and save the world. Now that the two were working together, the Life Fibers didn’t stand a chance against their combined might.
Boomstick: Honestly it’s a lot better to have Satsuki fighting alongside you instead of against you. Even without a Goku Uniform she’s strong enough to piece steel armour with a scabbard and knock out 500 thugs with fighting spirit alone. When she does have her Kamui on, her strength can create large craters with mere shockwaves and during a fight with Ryuko, she swung so hard that it toppled part of a golden tower.
Wiz: Satsuki is also considered superior to Nui Harime, who can dodge point-blank machine gun fire. However, her most impressive feat was that she fought Ryuko to a stalemate, meaning we can scale Satsuki to her younger sister. Ryuko herself is fast enough to create afterimages, shrug off blasts from missiles, and once cleaved a couple distant buildings without using a Kamui.
Boomstick: Let’s face it, anyone who can keep up with that kind of power has some serious guts, and Satsuki is the gutsiest of them all. So gutsy in fact that when Ragyo beat her senseless and stole Junketsu, she retaliated with an explosion that covered Honnōji Academy, and she survived it.
Wiz: Even after Ragyo captured and tortured her for a month, Satsuki refused to go down. She eventually escaped and fought her way through Life Fibers while confined and using nothing but modified toenails as weapons. If there is anything to take from this, it’s that once Satsuki has a goal in mind there is nothing that will stop her from accomplishing it.
Boomstick: Her determination is so strong it makes it hard for others to believe she’s human. Though Satsuki sometimes forgets that too, and ends up pushing herself to limits she can’t even handle.
Wiz: Because of this, she wasn’t able to beat Ragyo on her own, but thanks to Ryuko’s help they managed to take down their corrupt mother and end the Life Fiber threat once and for all. With everything said and done, Satsuki could finally head towards the future and perhaps make up for lost time with the younger sister she lost all those years ago.
Ryuko: Ready si… si… sii
Ryuko looks down, embarrassed to call Satsuki her sister. Satsuki smiles and reassures Ryuko.
Satsuki: You don’t have to acknowledge the bond between us. I can feel your blood flowing through Junketsu. I know what you mean.
Ryuko: Really?
Satsuki: Yes.
Jeanne[]
Wiz: After being sealed away for 500 years, the witch Bayonetta awoke with no memory of her past. In order to regain her lost memories she went on a journey to find answers, but after 20 years of searching she couldn’t find a single clue.
Boomstick: Normally this is the point where most people would give up, but as luck would have it Bayonetta’s memories started coming back when she ran into a familiar face with the same powers as her. This person just so happened to be another witch by the name of Jaune. Wait, that blond guy from RWBY is a witch?
Wiz: It’s “Jeanne”, not “Jaune”.
Boomstick: Oh. My bad.
Wiz: Anyways, the history between Bayonetta and Jeanne goes way back to the days of the Umbra Witch clan. The two were on opposite ends of the hierarchy. Bayonetta being an outcast due to her father being from the rival Lumen Sage clan, and Jeanne was at the top as heiress to the clan.
Boomstick: All Jeanne had to do to go from heiress to leader was beat another Umbra Witch to prove her worth, and despite being told not to, she chose the reject Bayonetta as her opponent.
Wiz: Don’t mistake this as bullying or holding a grudge. Jeanne specifically fought Bayonetta on multiple occasions because she was the one person who had more potential than her.
Boomstick: She didn’t want to become the witch queen the easy way, she wanted to earn that title. Too bad a bunch of angels showed up during the fight and killed the Umbra Witches as part of a plan to resurrect their god Jubileus and conquer the universe. Jeanne managed to escape and spent the next 500 years killing angels, but when Bayonetta showed up again she became determined to finish the centuries-old fight with her rival.
Wiz: Jeanne proved to be quite the challenge, ambushing Bayonetta every step of the way and pushing her to her limit. As the heiress to the clan, Jeanne is one of the strongest Umbra Witches specializing in traditional and tested tactics to create a methodical fighting style.
Boomstick: And the Umbra Witches aren’t your typical hocus pocus girls. These people are superhuman god-slayers who draw power from hell itself. Jeanne backs up this insane power with a demonic arsenal forged by the master weaponsmith Rodin. He may be an ex-angel, but the stuff he’s crafted makes him a godd*** saint in my book.
Wiz: Jeanne’s signature weapon is her quartet of pistols All 4 One. Each gun possesses incredible speed and power capable of killing angles in a single blow. If that’s not enough she can use her magic to enhance the bullet’s power or redirect it in midair.
Boomstick: You’re probably wondering how she manages to use four guns at once. Well Jeanne is a master of the Bullet Arts which involves using every available limb to hold and fire a gun. Four words: BEST MARTIAL ART EVER!
Wiz: And Jeanne has much more weapons up her sleeve. When her guns don’t cut it she busts out Angel Slayer, a legendary katana that, as the name suggests, has slayed angels for centuries even before it was upgraded by Rodin.
Boomstick: Her gauntlets Kali strike with fire and electricity, Inferno Slayer is triple-bladed scythe designed to kill demons and angels alike, Yugyu is a massive hammer strong enough to cause earthquakes, Col. Slade is a set of grenade launchers she can wear as heels, and this isn’t half of her arsenal.
Wiz: She even has a motorcycle that can be summoned out of thin air to brutally run over enemies and a whip named Alruna, which was made from and named after a demon that tried to eat her soul.
Boomstick: Reminds me of my bear rug back at home. Poor b****** never should have bit down on the shotgun leg. However, all these murder weapons wouldn’t be enough to fight the supernatural without some magical abilities to even the odds. And in case you forgot, Jeanne is a f***ing witch.
Wiz: With Witch Walk Jeanne can defy gravity by walking up walls. She can transform herself using the Beast Within to become a panther than runs at high speeds, a flurry of moths to avoid attacks, or take flight by growing a pair of wings. However, her most reliable technique is Witch Time where she drastically slows down time to the point that nobody can keep up with her.
Boomstick: That's some serious Za Warudo s*** right there. But her time warping pales in comparison to the wonders of her hair. It can grow in length to form portals for the Wicked Weaves technique. Jeanne can summon demonic spiders, centipedes, dragons, or the limbs of her favorite demon Madama Styx. Plus, if anything ever happens to her sexy outfit Jeanne can make a new one out of her hair and nobody would know she's fighting nude. This actually isn’t too hard to pull off. Allow me to demonstrate.
Boomstick grabs his clothes and rips them off
Wiz: OH GOD MY EYES! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?
Boomstick concentrates really hard and his chest hair grows to form a hairy tuxedo, thus replacing his previous outfit
Wiz: Wow… how is that even possible?
Boomstick: It’s called being a man, Wiz. Check out what else I can do with my chest hair.
Boomstick concentrates again and a hairy fist emerges from the tuxedo and punches Wiz in the face
Boomstick: Ha! I told you I’d get you back!
Wiz: (*groans*) Of course, if Jeanne needs to get serious she activates Umbran Climax which enhances her physical abilities and provides a minor healing ability. Her magic also becomes so strong that she can summon Madama Styx in its entirety. At its full power, Madama Styx is a nearly unstoppable force causing mass destruction with every punch.
Boomstick: This giant demon lady is in the same league as the angel Temperantia who makes F5 tornadoes with his mere presence. D***, don’t f*** with a witch when she hits her (*chuckles*) climax. Actually, it makes you wonder how Bayonetta ever managed to beat someone this powerful.
Wiz: Well Bayonetta needed to unlock her full potential in order to stand a chance. Fortunately, her memories came back during each run in with Jeanne, helping recover her lost abilities and making her strong enough to defeat the Umbra Witch heiress. But after defeating her rival, Bayonetta regained a memory with a shocking revelation: that she and Jeanne were never enemies to begin with.
Boomstick: Oh don’t you dare say Jeanne is her long lost sister or something like that.
Wiz: Nope, the two have actually been friends since childhood and shared a deep bond. In fact it was Jeanne who sealed Bayonetta away all those years ago to protect her after the memory of her mother being killed by angels stripped her of the will to fight.
Boomstick: It was a good plan, except the angels needed Bayonetta since she had the power to resurrect Jubileus, so they captured and brainwashed Jeanne to help them lure Bayonetta into their hands. But, if Black Widow taught Hawkeye anything in The Avengers it's that beating the s*** out your friend is the best way to undo any kind of brainwashing.
Wiz: Now that she was back to her old self, Jeanne was ready to fight alongside her “Umbran Sister” once again, and with the feats she’s accomplished Jeanne proves to be the perfect partner for Bayonetta. She’s fast enough to casually smack bullets out of the air, strong enough to knock a giant angel out of the sky with a few kicks to the head, and once broke Shuraba, a sword that contains the power of a war god.
Boomstick: And no matter how hard you try to kill her, Jeanne always manages to come back. Bombarded by missiles? She’ll be fine. Stranded in space? No problem. Being murdered and having your soul dragged to hell? Well she needed help with that last one, but she still came back.
Wiz: Jeanne is undoubtedly resilient, capable of surviving blasts from missiles, atmospheric reentry, and a massive explosion caused by two buildings collapsing. Not to mention she’s fought Bayonetta so many times that the two are on par with each other.
Boomstick: That’s impressive considering that Bayonetta can move satellites with her legs and headbutt skyscrapers across a city. Even without Witch Time she can dodge lightning and bullets that were placed instantly behind her. It doesn't matter that Jeanne lost the fight, the fact that she could keep up with her in the first place is a miracle on its own.
Wiz: Her accomplishments are incredible, but Jeanne is far from perfect. She is known to push herself to the limit and will go to any extent to get what she wants even if it means death. Still it did help her free Bayonetta from the resurrected Jubileus so that the two could take down the god and save the world from the angels’ dominion.
Boomstick: It didn't stop the angels from wrecking havoc, but Jeanne and Bayonetta were still ready to keep fighting together and protect humanity from all sorts of supernatural forces. So if you’re some holy monster from above, look out because this silver-haired witch has a bullet with your name on it.
Jeanne: Come now. You’re one of a kind. If you die here, who is going to save the world? I’ll send you home, even if it kills me… Now let’s finish this.
Bayonetta: You and I are going home together! Jeanne, we’re both one of a kind!
Jeanne: Now those are the eyes I’ve been waiting to see.
DEATH BATTLE![]
In the large school grounds of Honnōji Academy, countless students charge towards a mysterious figure in the center. A bunch of them manage to tackle the figure and cover it completely, but their efforts are in vain as they are blown away by incredible force. The figure becomes visible once again, revealing to be a tall woman with silver hair in a red biker suit. This figure is Jeanne, who had wandered into Honnōji Academy to investigate some rumors, but was immediately identified as an intruder and attacked on spot.
Five more students charged at Jeanne, but she quickly subdued them one at a time. She kicked one student and sent him flying, then turned around to knock out another student with a few punches. Next, she uppercutted a student into the air then jumped up to kick him into a nearby student, taking them both out. The last student ran towards Jeanne and unleashed a battle cry with all his might, but Jeanne extends her hair to form a portal that summons a giant fist to punch the student and launch him into a group of students, knocking them over like bowling pins. With the academy’s students either unconscious or too scared to fight, Jeanne turns her attention to a distant figure watching from the top of the building.
Jeanne: Your men certainly know how to throw a welcoming party, but shouldn’t the host be the one to entertain her guest?
Watching from on top of Honnōji Academy was a blue-haired woman in a white sailor uniform, Satsuki Kiryuin. She had sent her one-star students to take care of the intruder, but apparently it wasn’t enough. To make matters worse, the Elite Four and club presidents were in the middle of an important meeting, so she couldn’t call them for help. Not that it mattered of course; given the strength of the opposing woman, only she would be able to take her down.
Satsuki: Very well then…
A flight of stairs appears, allowing Satsuki to walk towards the ground as she finishes her sentence.
Satsuki: I’ll “entertain” you and have you grovel at my feet once this is over. Life Fiber Override!
Once Satsuki reached the end of the stairs, she reached for a metal band on her left arm and pressed down on it. This activated the blood-drawing device, causing her uniform Junketsu to transform. After an epic transformation sequence (that will not be described in detail to save time), Junketsu took a new form containing massive pointed shoulder pads, long white gloves, and a very revealing torso. Despite the awkwardly sexy appearance, Jeanne recognizes Satsuki as a worthy opponent, gets into her fighting stance, and shakes her gun in a “come on” gesture.
Jeanne: Then you better not disappoint. Now, come at me!
Satsuki draws out her sword Bakuzan and propels herself forward using her uniform's thrusters. She prepares to swing her blade at the Umbra Witch, and Jeanne responds with a powerful kick backed up by the gun on her heel. The two attacks collide, creating a shockwave that sends the unconscious students to the ends of the academy thus clearing the area for an intense brawl.
FIGHT!
The two continue to clash, Satsuki swinging her sword and Jeanne kicking with her gun heel. Shockwaves continue to fill the arena until the fighters push each other back. Both fighters land on their feet and Jeanne takes the guns in her hands and starts firing at her opponent. Satsuki uses her sword to deflect the incoming bullets, but one of them manages to get through albeit it still missed its target. Jeanne takes notice of the stray bullet and makes a gesture with her eyes as they glow red. Suddenly, the bullet glows red as well and redirects itself to hit Satsuki in the face. Though she almost fell over, Satsuki was hardly fazed and got up to run towards Jeanne.
The Umbra Witch continued her onslaught of bullets, but Satsuki effortlessly deflected the shots. When she got close, Satsuki tried to sink her blade into Jeanne, but whenever she swung her opponent would either dodge the attack or block it with a gun. Jeanne also tried to land some hits only for the blue-haired girl to dodge or deflect it with her sword.
Satsuki then lets out a powerful slash that breaks through Jeanne’s defenses, pushing her back a few feet. Jeanne uses one of her guns to shoot Satsuki’s sword which knocks the blue-haired girl’s arm out of the way and leaving an opening. The Umbra Witch takes the opportunity to land a powerful punch, but Satsuki uses her free arm to grab her smaller blade Bakuzan Gako (don’t ask where she was keeping that) and uses it to deflect the punch with enough force to lift Jeanne off the ground. After parrying her opponent, Satsuki unleashes a flurry of slashes from her two blades before lightly tapping Jeanne with the handle of the larger blade which sends her flying into a wall.
Satsuki gives a smug look believing she has won, but her moment of glory is interrupted by a red vine reaching out to wrap around her leg. The vine lifts her into the air and slams her into the ground before retracting itself. When the vine finished retracting, it is revealed to be the whip Alruna in the hands of it’s owner Jeanne.
Jeanne: I never thought I’d use this wretched thing.
Jeanne continues swinging her whip, starting with a few lashes on Satsuki before grabbing the blue-haired girl and slamming her into wall after wall. Eventually, Jeanne throws Satsuki into the air and starts making a massive portal while chanting in Enochian.
Jeanne: OXEX RACLIR!
The dragon-like demon Gomorrah emerges from the portal and lets out a mighty roar. As Satsuki begins to descend, Gomorrah opens his mouth and devours the blue-haired girl in a single bite.
Jeanne: Good boy. Now don’t forget to-
Before Jeanne could finish, Gomorrah’s head is unexpectedly split horizontally and it’s top half flies off. On top of the slain demon’s tongue is Satsuki with blades in hand and arms stretched out indicating that she was the source of the fatality.
Jeanne: ...swallow.
Satsuki: Is that all you got? You can’t beat me with that kind of power.
Jeanne: How amusing, I was just about to say the same thing.
A magic circle appears on Jeanne’s back and sprouts a pair of white wings. The Umbra Witch uses her wings to take to the air and flies towards her opponent. In response, Satsuki commands Junketsu to change form.
Satsuki: Junketsu Senpu!
Satsuki’s legs become enveloped in Life Fibers and transform into two massive thrusters that she uses to charge at the silver-haired woman. Jeanne switches out her whip for her guns and clashes with Satsuki and her blades. The two trade blows, having their attacks collide and force themselves backwards only to fly towards each other and repeat the process over and over. After a few collisions, Jeanne turns up the heat by making portals to summon massive arms and legs to strike Satsuki. The blue-haired girl maneuvers away from the giant limbs and decides to up her game as well.
Satsuki: Junketsu Senpu Zenkan!
Satsuki covers herself in blades and performs a hedgehog-style spin attack at her opponent. Jeanne tries to hit her with more giant punches, but Satsuki speeds past them and tackles the Umbra Witch into Honnōji Academy’s interior. The blue-haired girl continues shredding her opponent throughout the halls until Jeanne manages to kick her heels into the ground to stop herself and push Satsuki away. She then puts away her guns and equips four gauntlets with fire and electric claws to her arms and legs.
Jeanne swings a giant electrical slash, but Satsuki blocks it with her sword and changes Junketsu back to its original form so she could fight better indoors. The silver-haired woman keeps at it with a combo of elemental slashes from her punches and kicks while Satsuki meets the attacks using her two blades. As the two girls fight they run across the hallway, tearing it apart with each swing leaving nothing but rubble covered in slash marks along the way. Satsuki then delivers a devastating kick to Jeanne’s chest, sending her flying dozens of feet into the rubble, and proceeds to use her thrusters to reach her opponent before she recovers.
However, Jeanne gets up in time and brings out a massive hammer to strike the ground creating a powerful earthquake that makes Satsuki lose balance. Despite being stunned, the thrusters still cause Satsuki to zoom towards Jeanne who readies her weapon like a baseball bat.
Jeanne: F*** off!
Jeanne hits Satsuki into a nearby wall with her hammer causing it to burst open as the blue-haired girl is sent flying into the hallway on the other side of the school grounds. The damage done to the wall left huge chunks of stone in the air and Jeanne sees it as an opportunity to get to the other side. She releases a purple ripple that causes time to slow down and jumps onto the stone chunks one by one to reach the other side. Upon reaching the other end, Jeanne sees her opponent and prepares to swing her hammer once again.
Time begins to flow normally and Satsuki takes notice of her opponent approaching her. She grips her blades with all her might and crosses her arms, waiting for her opponent to get close. Jeanne gets into range and swings her hammer while Satsuki swings her blades, aiming for where the hammer’s handle meets the head. Satsuki’s attack overpowers Jeanne’s, breaking the hammer by causing the head to fly off and crater the ground upon landing. Jeanne is shocked that her weapon has been shattered and fails to realize that Satsuki is right behind her intending to land a lethal blow. Satsuki strikes Jeanne with a few powerful slashes then holds the larger blade back to charge up the finishing blow.
Satsuki: You’re through!
Satsuki puts all her power into her blade and slashes through Jeanne causing her to become airborne with all four limbs stretched out. While Satsuki is looking away, Jeanne suffers major damage from the blow and her biker outfit rips apart leaving her completely naked. The blue-haired girl then hit her nude opponent with the handle of her blade, thus sending her out the giant hole in the hallway as Satsuki watches her opponent fall towards the ground.
Satsuki: It is done.
Unbeknownst to Satsuki, Jeanne was still alive and ready to fight. As she got up, her hair extended to cover her naked body creating a new pure white outfit. She even began to give off a purple glow indicating that she has activated her Umbran Climax.
Jeanne: You’re pretty good, but it is time I show you REAL strength. PDEE BARMA!
Jeanne extends her hair further to create a huge portal that summons a gargantuan demon with butterfly wings and a ring-shaped headpiece. The demon, Madama Styx, towers over the academy she stands in and glares at the woman who had been fighting her master.
Satsuki: No way…
Satsuki didn’t stay shocked for long as Madama Styx began throwing punches at her. The blue-haired girl could only block the punches due to their size, but still managed to hold on; barely moving as the blows destroyed the walls of the academy. Madama Styx then charges up an extra-powerful punch and swings it. This time the force of the punch was too strong for Satsuki who was blown away along with about one-third of Honnōji Academy.
The demon thought she had won, but suddenly a small spike rams into her arm. It is revealed to be one of Junketsu’s shoulder pads that has been fired like a grappling hook and attached to Satsuki who had stopped herself from falling. Satsuki uses the momentum from her fall to swing onto Madama Styx’s arm and begins running towards her head intending to decapitate the demon.
Satsuki: I’m not done yet! I, Satsuki Kiryuin, will not be defeated by an enemy of Honnōji Academy! I will be victorious!
Madama Styx attempts to swat Satsuki off her arm, but the blue-haired girl activates her thrusters and narrowly dodges the attack. Satsuki almost reaches the neck and gets ready to swing her blade, but she sees a motorcycle emerge from the demon’s back. On top of the motorcycle was Jeanne who had scaled up the Madama Styx's back to prevent Satsuki from harming her favorite demon.
Jeanne: Don’t think I’m going to make this easy for you.
Jeanne races down Madama Styx’s arm a bit before performing a trick to lift the front end then kicking her vehicle towards Satsuki and landing with a backflip. Satsuki effortlessly cleaves the motorcycle in half with her larger blade and changes her focus to finishing the Umbra Witch off. Jeanne brings out her guns again and creates a magic circle which she shoots a bullet through. The bullet is enveloped in a strong purple energy as it passes through the circle, and Satsuki tries to deflect it with the smaller blade. However, the bullet completely shatters the blade leaving Satsuki with only the larger blade.
Down to a single weapon, Satsuki grabs Bakuzan with both hands and charges at Jeanne while unleashing ferocious slashes. The Umbra Witch is able to match the attacks for a brief moment, but eventually Satsuki’s attack breaks a gun in her hand. Jeanne tries to pull out the gun in her other hand, but Satsuki quickly swings again and destroys the other gun before knocking Jeanne back with a powerful slash. The silver-haired woman quickly requips herself by pulling out her beloved katana Angel Slayer and starts gazing at her opponent intensely.
Jeanne: It’s time this is brought to an end.
Satsuki: Then let’s end it!
The two clash by swinging their blades at each other all while Madama Styx watches them, refusing to take action due to the risk of harming her master. Not a single attack missed, but no matter how much speed or power one of them put into their sword, the other would match it with the same speed and power. Satsuki then attacked with an upward swing, parrying Jeanne’s sword and leaving her open. The blue-haired girl then thrust her sword into Jeanne’s chest and red chunks flew out of the Umbra Witch’s body.
Jeanne: Too slow.
What Satsuki did not realize was that the red chunks were not blood, but moths that were part of Jeanne’s transformation meaning that she had avoided the fatal blow. Jeanne quickly turned her entire body into moths then flew behind her opponent and transformed back. Before Satsuki could figure out what was going on, Jeanne activated Witch Time causing another purple ripple to come out, slowing Satsuki down and leaving her unable to take action. Jeanne slashed Satsuki dozens of times followed by a flurry of kicks before launching the blue-haired girl into the air. She then threw Angel Slayer at her airbound opponent and it began to slow down due to Witch Time. Finally, Jeanne jumped into the air, positioning herself right above Satsuki and prepared for a final attack.
Once time went back to normal, Angel Slayer flew into Satsuki and impaled her. She coughed up blood and tried to endure the pain, but was not prepared for Jeanne who gave a wink before kicking her into the ground causing a massive crater upon impact. The blow was powerful enough to subdue Satsuki out as the hits see took and sword in her chest gave her no energy left to fight nor keep wearing Junketsu which reverted back to its original form. Jeanne also landed on the ground and started walking away, but was interrupted by her opponent's final words.
Satsuki: You… b****...
Jeanne: Now, now…
Jeanne gave a gesture with her hand signaling the still present Madama Styx to stomp on Satsuki, thus crushing the remaining life out of the blue-haired girl.
Jeanne: That’s no way to talk to a lady.
K.O!
The Elite Four arrive on scene after hearing the commotion outside and are devastated to see Satsuki’s corpse in front of them. Meanwhile, Jeanne walks away from Honnōji Academy with her new weapon Bakuzan in hand. Nui Harime watches Jeanne from a distance and prepares to kill the silver-haired woman, but suddenly feels the presence of two figures behind her. One of them is a young girl in a sailor uniform glaring in anger and the other is a tall woman in glasses giving a sadistic smile.
Results[]
Boomstick: First her father, then her mother, and now her sister. D***, Ryuko just can’t seem to catch a break.
Wiz: Satsuki proved to be a challenging opponent to Jeanne. She was certainly more tenacious and surviving Honnōji Academy exploding without Junketsu proved she had the durability advantage. However, Jeanne’s Umbran abilities were much more than Satsuki could handle.
Boomstick: There’s no doubt that Satsuki excels at kicking a**, but Jeanne was top witch for a good reason. She outlasted her entire clan in a war against the angels, and kept slaying God’s messengers for centuries. So in terms of experience, Jeanne has been in a lot more battles than Satsuki and could easily beat her in skill.
Wiz: And with Jeanne’s far greater versatility in powers and weaponry, there wasn’t much Satsuki could do that the Umbra Witch couldn’t match. Though if Jeanne wanted to take the Student Council President down, she had to surpass her in speed and strength. While Satsuki technically had movement speed, Jeanne’s incredible reaction time was enough to keep up, and she could simply use Witch Time to slow Satsuki down and put the speed advantage in her favor.
Boomstick: Of course Jeanne hasn’t demonstrated a lot of strength feats, but she’s evenly matched with Bayonetta whose pulled off some insane s*** when it comes to power. That golden tower Satsuki broke was ridiculously heavy, but she barely moved it with her own strength. On the other hand Bayonetta could launch satellites and skyscrapers for miles. It’s possible that the gold tower may have been heavier, but the difference in distance traveled proves that Bayonetta, and by extension Jeanne, had a lot more striking power. Besides, even if Satsuki could overpower Jeanne, she wasn’t going to have that same luck with Madama Styx.
Wiz: The same demon that is on par with Temperantia. The F5 tornadoes the angel casually creates were impressive, but it's full power is absolutely devastating. It fought the demon Madama Butterfly, who can destroy giant meteors with a headbutt, to a draw and according to the Hierarchy of Laguna, basically an encyclopedia for angels, Temperantia’s full power is enough to destroy an entire country.
Boomstick: And if Madama Styx has that same kind of power, then she’s definitely stronger than anyone Satsuki ever fought. Those Life Fibers Satsuki wears may make her one hell of a superhuman, but the time-warping and demon summoning powers put the Umbra Witches is in a completely different league.
Wiz: Granted, their feats of strength and speed made this a very close match, but in the end Satsuki was overwhelmed by Jeanne’s superior experience, abilities, and raw power.
Boomstick: No matter “witch” way you look at it, Jeanne had Satsuki “stomped”.
Wiz: The winner is Jeanne.
Soundtrack Cover[]
Next Time[]
Masquerade/Alice: Hydranoid Stand!
Zen-Aku/Merrick: Predazord Awaken!
Next Time: Hydranoid vs Predazord