Sans vs Phil Eggtree

Introduction[]

Pop-up: Congratulations to Notsussybaka900 for figuring out who was too fight.

Carl: Intelligence is a skill that some of us would like more. Not me, as I have plenty of intelligence.

Yazo: But sometimes, they sacrifice hair for technology...unless your name is Saitama.

Yazo: And Phil Eggtree, the student with a bad tendency of getting into bad situations. He's Carl and I'm Yazo.

Carl: And it's our job to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Sans gives Death Battle a bad time![]

Carl: Long ago, monsters and humans lived in harmony.

Yazo: But, one day, the humans decided they were sick of the monster's sh*t and trapped the monsters underground, beneath a mountain called Mount Ebbot.

Carl: There were several towns that the monsters created, with the Ruins, Snowdin, Waterfall, Hotlands, and the main kingdom.

Yazo: But in Snowdin, a certain pair of skeletons brother appeared in the town of Snowdin, named Papyrus and Sans.

Carl: Sans is a skeleton that loves hotdogs and puns. Heck, he'd probably break the 4th wall to make a pun-

sans: heya

Yazo: GOD D*MNIT!

sans: i guess you could say that you have a 'bone' to pick with me?

Carl: That was horrible. Anyways, Sans is a lazy skeleton, that somehow got a job as a sentry (before he was a sentry, it's hinted he was a scientist), meaning he scans the area for humans. Thankfully for the human that was passing by, Sans was more then willing to let them go by, and even help them from being found by his brother, Papyrus.

sans: yeah, paps wants to join the royal guard, but he has to capture a human in order to join. i support him, but hey, who knows? maybe paps will make friends with the human.

Yazo: Ya see, the human had three paths they could take. Pacifist, Neutral, and Genocide. Pacifist was essentially sparing everyone and becoming friends with the monsters, Neutral was some sparing and some killing, and Genocide? Well, you can guess from the package name.

Carl: If the human decides to kill everyone, including Papyrus. They get a whole new demon from Sans. While his position in the Judgement Hall is unknown, he will judge you, no matter how ruthless or kind you are.

sans: but, hey, it's a beautiful day outside, birds are singing, flowers are blooming, on days like these, kids like you....should be thanking our sponsor, raid shadow-

Yazo: NOOOOO!-

PLEASE STAND BY

Carl: *ahem* Sans judges you in the Genocide, seeing your LV and EXP.

sans: what's lv and exp i hear you ask? oh, it just stands for levels of violence and execution points.

Yazo: Whoever said that Undertale wasn't that dark doesn't know what they're talking about.

Carl: Sans becomes extremely angry and disappointed in you when you do Genocide, so he gives you a piece of his mind. Figuratively.

Yazo: After about 3000 lines of dialogue have gone by, you can finally fight him.

Carl: Sans has three main ways of attacking. Summing bones to fire at you, using Gaster Blasters to shoot lasers at you, and telekinesis to throw you around.

Yazo: My question is WHERE THE HECK IS ALL OF THIS COMING FROM? The bones pop out of the ground, and the Gaster Blasters just appear.

Carl: Well, to answer the question, you need to look at Undertale's Monster and Human Soul Cosmology.

sans: you make that sound like a class at a university.

Carl: Because it is. I have a major in it.

Yazo: Why is there a major for a video game's lore?

sans: that kind of education sounds like a 'class' of itself.

Carl: You see, a human's soul represent an emotion, but they are also really powerful. Monster souls don't represent emotions. They represent magic, as a monster's body is also made of magic. And unlike Human souls, Monster souls are rather weak, so much so that it would take all the monster souls to match one human soul, but they can absorb human souls to become more powerful, but the soul needs to be on the brink of breaking.

sans: not something i would do, but that's good to know regardless.

Yazo: Huh. So, the bones and Gaster Blasters are just magic, so Sans is a magic user?

sans: essentially

Yazo: That clears it up. Anyways, he can use his bones and Gaster Blasters in unique patterns, like his infamous "strongest attack" which is this BS:

Yazo: How people do this without being hit confuses me to no end.

Carl: Dedication and insanity. Probably more of the former then latter.

sans: pretty much

Carl: And with that, we get into feats. When it comes to physical stuff, Sans did once smash a tree branch. That's about 11 kilojoules, or 740 pounds, considering that this is a Black Ash Wood branch. When it comes to Sans' magic power, that's where he begins to shine. He could kill Frisk over and over again, who scales to Chara, who could survive a 130 meter long drop. Considering the height of the fall, and the weight of Chara (about 32kg), this fall should be 7 tons of force. And Chara had no cushioning, unlike Frisk. And Sans killed Frisk, who scales to Chara, a lot of times.

Yazo: When it comes to speed, he should once again scale to Frisk, who dodged beams of light. His telekinesis should also scale to Frisk, who moved 6 ton rocks just by walking into them. And Durability?...What's that?

sans: that's a pretty good segway into my faults, so let's "roll",

Yazo: I hate you with every fiber of my being.

Carl: Despite Sans' rather clever pun-

Yazo: DON'T ENCOURAGE IT!

Carl: -Sans does have quite a few flaws. Despite his amazing power and speed, he has lackluster defense, only having 1 HP and 1 defense. Sure, he can still live for awhile, even after taking nearly a million damage, it only lasted a few seconds. And his stamina leaves a lot to be desired, as he could only dodge and fight for 22 turns during his fight with the human.

Yazo: But Sans will make sure that judgement is served...as well as hot dogs.

"you can't understand how this feels. knowing that one day, without any warning... it's all going to be reset. look. i gave up trying to go back a long time ago. and getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore, either. 'cause even if we do... we'll just end up right back here, without any memory of it, right? to be blunt... it makes it kind of hard to give it my all. ... or is that just a poor excuse for being lazy...? hell if i know."

Phil Eggtree is as free as a bird in a birdcage in Death Battle![]

Carl: Most students would agree that school sucks.

Yazo: Don't you have like, 50 PhD's?

Carl: Well, technically I have 53, but yeah. I didn't say school sucks, I said that most students agree that school sucks. Difference. Anyways, Phil Eggtree is one of those students, who decided one day, after being sent to a special class who had a dumb teacher (seriously, that guy makes Yazo look like the smartest guy alive), he decided he had enough, that he would escape the school.

Yazo: After escaping the first time, he stepped on a brick and went to sleep for awhile.

Carl: That's...not a bad way of representing it, but you are still undermining it. An alien dictator named Viz had a vision. Vizion.

Yazo: Is that like, a pun?

Carl: Likely. He and his henchman, named Diz and Quiz, put a time stopping bomb that when stepped on, caused the world to be frozen in time. The next few years, Phil dreams of going to Middle School, then High School, then College rolled around, and something interesting happens. An alien appeared as one of the students, along with his teacher being a murderous psychopath that built the school above a volcano, along with a button that can released one of the floor panels, leading to the volcano. The reason was that Mr. Munch had divorced his wife, and wanted to kill everyone she knew. Including Phil.

Yazo: But turns out, death is the best medicine! When he died, he awoke on the real world, inside the alien base. He freed his friends, and them escaped. But guess what? They were captured again!

Carl: That's when Phil met Viz, and teamed up with Diz to destroy Vizion. They used his own freeze ray that was supposed to freeze planet Earth against him, and caused him to freeze and then crash into an asteroid. Diz rigged up the spaceship to go home, but they were pulled off course by Area 5.1, which is totally not inspired by another certain area with a similar name.

Yazo: Phil frees his friends and escapes, but Diz ditches them. Great friend, that gut. I'm sure he'll come back for them! ...Eventually...

Carl: Is that what you said after your dad-

Yazo: SHUT. UP.

Carl: Fine. Phil and his friends escaped Area 5.1 with a teleporter and returned to his school, before it was taken over by another alien named Quiz. Who probably asks a lot of questions. Quiz put high power alien rifles in the school, yet Phil managed to get by them, and make it to Quiz, and convince him with a monologue to take down the "saftey" precautions. Quiz was going to leave, but then a spark was seen in the distance, or was it a star? It was neither. It was Diz, using the ship, and fueling on comets and other sources of ice to re-fuel the ice beam.

Yazo: In one of video game's saddest scenes, Phil and Quiz went up there to stop Diz, and Phil unlocked the self-destruct mecahnism. Quiz pressed and told Phil to get the ебать оттуда. He did, and Quiz died, bringing his alien friend along with him...supposedly. It doesn't look like he should've died, but that's where the series ended, so I guess he did die.

Carl: And with that out of the way, we get into his arsenal. Phil's greatest weapon is his mind and wit. He's very manipulative, convincing aliens who can make an ice beam that can entirely freeze the Earth. That takes some insane minds to make that.

Yazo: Didn't you make Cybertrap in like, less than a week?

Carl: Yes, but that's besides the point.

Yazo: When it comes to actual weaponry, he can pick up anything and use it to solve a problem. Ruler? Combine that with some gum and a bookmark. Have a whistle? Play it and knock out everyone in the room. Got toilet paper? Throw it to the kid who doesn't have any, and watch as DanTDM gets over 120,777 likes in the span of three days. No seriously, back then, that was insane, before he got like, 26 million views averagely. Internet is a bit weird.

Carl: That's an understatement. Anyways, Phil can use pretty much anything to his advantage. Not to mention, his inhumane knack for solving puzzles. He can take the smallest hint and use it to solve a puzzle.

Yazo: Yet he couldn't take the hint that Smiley liked him.

Carl: I'm fairly certain neither of them knew their true feelings for each other.

Yazo: Eh...still a better love story than Twilight.

Carl: At this point, everything is a better love story than Twilight. Anyways, he also has coffee that allows him to move as a blur and allow him to supposedly cut through some material that is like stone, a device that allows him to speak to animals, and a cookie (assuming the machine isn't broken or unplugged). But still, it does not compare to Phil's intelligence and sharp wit. We might as well not cover any real arsenal.

Yazo: So let's just get into feats. Physically, he's not that strong.

Carl: Let's calculate the force of the ruler and bookmark combination. A ruler weighs 60 grams, while a bookmark weighs 198.5 grams. Combining that gives us a weight of 258.5 grams. Let's assume that Phil can punch with the average punch speed. Multiplying that gives us a force of 14 pounds. His whistle was also enough to knock several people out at the same time. Turning 150 dB's (the amount of sound to knock someone out) in kilotons, gives us 240 kilotons.

Yazo: He can also scale to Smiley and Phred react to lasers, which we're gonna say they can fully dodge for the sake of fairness. He can also tank hits from Chubb's mere weight. He was rumored to cause the world's most powerful earthquakes, which is 467 megatons. And scaling to the average kindergartener, he should be able to lift 25 pounds.

Carl: And now we get to weaknesses. He is a normal human with normal human weaknesses, along with not being that strong, and does not have many actual unique superhuman abilities, besides his intelligence. But his intelligence and speed make up for that.

Yazo: Hey, I was kinda expecting Phil to break the 4th Wall.

Carl: Eh, Phil's not the kinda character to-

Phil: Hi.

Yazo and Carl: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

"Now that was sharp! (I can't believe I said that)"

Pre-Death Battle![]

Carl: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities. Let's end this debate once and for all!

Yazo: And right now, it's time for a DEEAATTHH BAATTLLEE!

Death Battle![]

Phil held the back of his head, walking down the path.

"Man, that's the last time I take a dare from Zack." He muttered as he walked. Eventually, he came upon a snowy forest.

"Wait, if this is a big underground cave, how is it snowing?" Phil asked himself. "There aren't any clouds to produce the snow."

"because the way to the top is really high." A voice behind Phil said. Phil spun around at top speed. A skeleton wearing a blue hoodie stood there. "It's so high that the there are clouds forming at the top." Sans finished.

"Uh, thanks for the answer." Phil replied.

"no problem. although, i was asked to take any humans to the royal guard. so how about you come with me and i don't have to get my hands dirty." sans said.

"Yeah, how about no?" Phil replied. Sans sighed.

"welp, don't say i didn't warn you. it's a beautiful day outside, birds are singing, flowers are blooming, on days like these, kids like you..." Sans' eyes disappear. "S H O U L D B E B U R N I N G I N H E L L ."

The screen fades to black, before returning to normal, but this time, Phil and Sans are standing on opposite ends of the snowy forest. Phil takes out a ruler, as Sans summons a few bones.

FIGHT![]

Phil runs at Sans, dodging the first few bone attacks. Before Phil can reach Sans, he dissapears, only to be replaced with a Gaster Blaster. Phil darted to the side, avoiding the laser. He turned around, only to see a bone right in front of him. The bone was too quick and close for Phil to dodge, launching him through the snow.

"i gotta say, you're looking pretty 'cracked'." Sans joked. Phil got up and brushed the snow off his body.

"And you are really bad to the 'bone' if you think that was funny." Phil said. The two chuckled for a moment, before Sans launched several more bones, one of them being a blue bone. Phil dodged all of them, but he couldn't avoid the blue bone, so he stood still, bracing himself. To Phil's surprise, the bone passed him harmlessly. He suddenly thought of something.

'That blue bone. It doesn't seem to hurt me, maybe it's a decoy to throw me off? I have a feeling that isn't the case.' Phil thought. More blue bones came his way. Phil tried to move through them, but he was bounced back.

'Nevermind. They only hurt me if I move through them.' Phil thought again. Sans released a large pattern of bones. Phil looked at the different bones. He calculated the area the bones would hit. Phil got a running head start and jumped, managing to avoid the bones, but also land safely. A Gaster Blaster appears above Phil, who barely scrambles out of the way, though he is hit with bits of rubble. He pushed the rocks off of him, and then got back up.

'heh, this kid's smarter then he looks.' Sans thinks. He unleashes another pattern of bones and blue bones. Phil calculated a little and dodged the bones again. Sans raised his arm, and slammed Phil into the ground, before summoning bones under him. Phil was launched into the air. A bone knocked him back into the Earth. He slowly got back up.

"Y'know, I didn't really want to harm you, but you haven't given me a choice." Phil said, taking out his ruler/bookmark combination. Phil rushed Sans, swinging the tool multiple times, but Sans nonchalantly dodges.

Phil dodged several more bones fired from Sans, before being launched through several trees by Sans' telekinesis.

"Ow, ow, ow." Phil muttered as he got up. Phil looked around the dark forest. He saw a blue light shifting around the trees, moving all around him.

'Alright, if this guy is smart, he'll probably try to catch me off guard.' Phil thought. He quickly turned to see several bones flying at him. He dodged them. The final one managed to get too close, so Phil swung the ruler-bookmark combination, causing the bone to fly off course and the weapon to break. Phil looked at the shattered ruler-bookmark.

"You just had to break." Phil chastised. The broken heap did not respond, sadly. Phil sighed. Several bones flew at Phil again, which he ducked under. He then rolled away to dodge a bone that popped from the ground.

Sans walked in from the woods. "y'know, you're pretty good. If you manage to survive this attack, i'll show you my special attack." Sans said, his pupil's disappearing when he said "special attack." Phil braced himself. Sans lifted Phil into the air and slammed him back down. Bones began to pop out of the ground, but Phil jumped up and dodged them. A large bone pattern, with a large hole in the middle was then launched at Phil. The student hesitated for a moment, before jumping through.

Several Gaster Blasters appeared around Phil, who hit the dirt. The blasts were an inch away from his face. Once the blasts disappeared, Phil got back up.

A bone came up from the ground, catching Phil's hood and hoisting him into the air. Several Gaster Blasters appeared around Phil and aimed, but didn't fire. Phil tried to free himself, but the bone pierced through his hood.

Sans walked onto the scene.

"looking a little scrambled." Sans said.

"Hey, that was pretty humerus." Phil said.

"heh, you got taste. i might not hand you over to the royal guard, and give you a chance to survive. you'll die anyway." Sans said.

"Thanks for the reassurance." Phil said.

K.O!!!

The Gaster Blasters disappeared, as the bone lowered Phil onto the ground. Sans teleported away, as Phil walked away. He put his hands in his pocket, and felt a piece of paper. He took it out, and on it read:

"call me maybe - sans"

Below was a phone number. Phil sighed and put it away. He continued on his way.

Results[]

Yazo: Great. Now I get to hear BOTH OF THEM MAKE PUNS.

Sans and Phil: Yup.

Yazo: Didn't think a battle would make two fictional characters from entirely different franchises BFFs.

Phil: I don't know about BFFs, but yeah, pretty much.

Carl: You guys done?

Yazo, Sans, and Phil: No.

Carl: Naturally. Anyways, this matchup was surprising in more ways than one. Both were on par reaction-wise, and Phil could potentially keep up with Sans' predictable patterns, especially with his keen intelligence, but Sans had too many advantages.

Yazo: While Phil was comparable to Sans speed-wise, and was better at coming up with plans to get past Sans' attacks, Sans was much stronger. Sure, Phil could've potential won with the whistle, but Sans was too fast and too smart to let Phil blow a whistle. He could easily knock it away from Phil or just yeeted him away, causing him to drop the whistle.

Carl: And Phil's feat of 14 pounds may beat out Sans' 11 kilojoule feat, since that's only about half a pound, Sans' magic makes him vastly stronger, able to dish out 7 tons. And while Phil technically had a durability advantage, it would be cancelled out thanks to Sans' durability negation, because of Monster and Soul Cosmolgy.

Yazo: In normal terms, Sans' magic can target Phil's soul directly, meaning his insane durability doesn't mean much. Which meant that Sans' could easily kill Phil.

Carl: While Phil was smart, fast, and durable, Sans was just too strong and could counter Phil in every way.

Yazo: Looks like Phil cracked under the pressure. Hope we got it through your skull.

Carl: The winner is Sans. For once in the entire DBF's history.

Soundtrack Concept[]

Next time on Death Battle![]

Killers come in all shapes and sizes...

???: *Siren Noises*

...But these ones come with horrible noises.

???: *Broken Radio Noises*

Nightmare Mangle vs Siren Head!!!