Description[]
These two cloth crusaders can kick creepy creature can, but how will they fare against one another? Who will win- Sackboy or 7?
Prelude[]
Boomstick: No one would expect some cloth and a zipper to be so powerful. But that's definitely not the case for these two burlap badasses.
Wizard: Sackboy, the hero of Little Big Planet and the Craftverse,
Boomstick: And number 7, the defender of the nine creations.
Wizard: I'm Wizard and he's Boomstick. And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
Sackboy[]
Boomstick: The Craftverse is a universe of planets all made from craft materials. The central and most important planet is Little Big Planet, home of the adorably dangerous adventurer Sackboy or Sackgirl. Wait... Sackgirl?
Wizard: Yeah... the Sackperson is technically genderless, but the player can customize it to be whatever they want. However, Little Big Planet Karting calls it Sackboy, so that's what we're going with. I just hope the comments don't call us sexist.
Boomstick: Oh come on. Since when have YouTube comments been cruel or misunderstanding?
Wizard: Are you serious?
(Pause.)
Wizard: You're hopeless, Boomstick.
Boomstick: F*ck you too, Wiz.
Wizard: Anyway... Sackboy is really just a wanderer, but he will take it upon himself to protect the Craftverse if needed. He's a natural jumper and, because of his size, he is agile and can fit into small areas. He also uses many tools to fight enemies and traverse the hostile environments. First, there's the Boost Boots, which give him extra speed. The Brain Crane allows Sackboy to pick up certain objects telepathically, and the Grappling Hook grabs on to things from a long distance, allowing Sackboy to swing from place to place.
Boomstick: The Grabinators are powerful gloves that let Sackboy pick up and throw giant items, the Scuba Gear lets him dive under water deeper as well as breathe, and the Jetpack lets him fly through the air without interference. The Illuminator works as a highpowered flashlight, the Hook Hat lets him ride rails, the Paintinator is a powerful paintball gun that fires high-strength paint, the Pumpinator is a gun that can blow and suck, and the Creatinator is a head-mounted projectile cannon.
Wizard: Bit perhaps Sackboy's most powerful tool is his Popit, a balloon of pure imagination with more tools within, including the ability to change his appearance, place giant stickers and decorations, return to his home base The Pod, and create pretty much anything out of anything. But if it needs to be a functioning machine, he needs to take the time to put the necessary mechanics in it. There's also the Popit Cursor, which can grab and manipulate pretty much anything. Oh yeah, and he can also use Retry to kill himself.
Boomstick: Wow. That's... really dark.
Wizard: Well, in the game, a checkpoint provides him with four lives, and a mega checkpoint gives him eight. However, in DEATH BATTLE, we don't use the multiple life thing.
Boomstick: Well, yeah, but you don't see Sonic put a pistol to his head when he's overwhelmed. Or Mario commit hari-kari with a beam sword or some sh*t like that...
Wizard: Boomstick! Can we get off of the topic of video game mascot suicide?
Boomstick: Sorry. Where were we?
Wizard: Uh... I think it was the Popit...
Boomstick: Oh yeah. Despite this arsenal, Sackboy does have a few flaws. He is made of cloth and stuffing, so he is very fragile. He's also vulnerable to hazards ranging from fire and electricity to plasma and toxic gases.
Wizard: Still, for only being a few inches tall, he's accomplished a lot. He's saved the Craftverse on multiple occasions, defeated countless enemies, and destroyed villains like The Trash Monster, The Brainwave Machine, The Terrible Oni, and The Negativitron, the embodiment of negativity and evil.
Boomstick: He's one tough little sack.
7[]
Wizard: In the not-too-distant future, war broke out between man and machine, pioneered by the Binary Reactive Artificially Intelligent Neurocircuit, or B.R.A.I.N, which created killer robots out of pretty much anything. As the end of humanity drew nearer, B.R.A.I.N's inventor tried to preserve what remained of it by dividing his soul into nine sack creations that had a better chance of survival than humans did. Each of the nine was named 1,2,3, etc.
Boomstick: Believe me, that made research a pain in the ass.
Wizard: And arguably the most powerful of these nine was the one known as 7.
Boomstick: The weird thing is that 7 is female. How the h*ll did a female come from a male scientist?
Wizard: Remember when we were talking about sexism earlier? It's probably like that.
Boomstick: Anyway, 7 became the rebel of the group. 1 wanted to keep hiding until the machines died off, but she wanted to fight back. She saved numbers 3 and 4 and strived to combat the machines and B.R.A.I.N. When the ninth and final creation showed up, she got that chance. She is tough and acrobatic. She's basically a ninja.
Wizard: She uses a spear-like blade to cut and slice enemies, and she wears a bird skull as a helmet. She is kind, but also determined and not afraid to fight. However, she is just some metal and cloth, so she has limits in her durability. She is also vulnerable to B.R.A.I.N's talisman, which can suck out her soul.
Boomstick: She's survived out in the wasteland, killed the Beast, and helped take down B.R.A.I.N. On a scale of one to seven, she's a seven.
Wizard: That was horrible.
Boomstick: You're really pushing my buttons today, Wiz.
5: 7?
2: I don't believe it!
5: You came back!
7: I never left. You finally decided to join the fight.
Intermission[]
Wizard: All right, the combatants are set. It's time to settle this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
Fight[]
7 is seen scavenging through the wasteland. She digs through a pile of debris and finds a large bubble with a soft glow coming from inside. She raises the skull helmet to get a better look.
7: Ohhh. We might be able to use this.
Suddenly, Sackboy jumps out from behind a rock and collects the bubble, which adds to a score counter. He smiles at 7.
7: Hey! I could have used that!
7 pulls out her blade and lowers her helmet.
FIGHT!
7 jumps at Sackboy and swings her blade at him. Sackboy jumps out of the way and equips the Paintinator. He begins firing rapidly. 7 dodges most of the shots, but gets hit by one and flies back. She lands on her feet, sliding back a distance. Then she grabs a gear from a junk pile and chucks it at Sackboy. The gear hits the Paintinator out of Sackboy's hand. 7 lands a kick on Sackboy, knocking him back. Sackboy then equips the Grappling Hook. 7 charges with her blade again, and Sackboy grapples onto a nearby car seat and hoists himself to safety. As soon as Sackboy reaches the top, he removes the Grappling Hook and changes to the Grabinators. 7 jumps up and acrobatically climbs the seat. She flips and kicks, leading Sackboy back. She brings her blade down on him, but he grabs the blade with the Grabinators and pushes it back. He punches 7, who flies back and falls off the seat. Then Sackboy activates his Popit and selects the cursor. The cursor grabs various items in the junk piles (such as a pin, a light bulb, and a car bumper) and throws them all at 7. She dodges most of it, but is struck by a few objects. She shakes her head and lunges at Sackboy, throwing a hook at him. Sackboy tries to jump out of the way, but the hook grabs a loose string and pulls him back, causing him to fall down. 7 jumps and prepares to stab Sackboy, but he rolls out of the way, equips the Pumpinator, and blows her away, creating some distance. Then Sackboy opens his Goodies menu and select s a sponge material with a square shape. As 7 is dazed, he creates a sponge box around her. 7 clears up, then uses her blade to cut through the sponge and bursts out. As soon as she does, she sees a barrage of Little Big Planet Hazards and weapons all pointed at her. They activate, and there is a small explosion. 7 crawls out of the smoke, burnt and with her blade and helmet broken. She has tears in several places, and her right eye is gone. She struggles to stand up, but she eventually does. But as soon as she gets to her feet, a spiked metal block falls on top of her, simultaneously crushing and impaling her. Sackboy appears and smiles sheepishly before using his flame tool to set her on fire and jumping away.
K.O.!
Sackboy waves to the camera as 7's ashes blow away.
Results[]
Boomstick: Well, Sacks that.
Wizard: Ugh... Anyway, 7 was definitely more physically threatening than Sackboy, what with her blade and ninja skills and so forth, but compared to her, Sackboy's arsenal was enormous. His weapons could keep 7 at bay, and his creative abilities gave him pretty much every means to defeat her.
Boomstick: Even if we took away Sackboy's creative abilities, he could still defeat 7 just because of the sheer number of weapons and tools he had at his disposal. And while Sackboy is definitely more fragile than 7, he was able to keep safe for most of the fight, meaning he was dealing more damage than he was taking. Looks like 7 is gonna need more than just a patch.
Wizard: The winner is Sackboy.
Music Artwork[]
Next Time[]
Boomstick: Next time on DEATH BATTLE...
"The Batman Theme" by Danny Elfman plays as acid spills by, and a slow chuckle is heard in the background. It soon turns into maniacal laughter, drowning out the music as images of the combatant briefly flash on screen, ending with the screen "cracking" and the grinning face of The Joker fading in from the blackness.
The Joker.