| S.H.O.D.A.N vs GLaDOS | |
|---|---|
[[File: | |
| Season 3, Episode 5 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | July 23rd, 2015 |
| Written by | Ahomeschoolingroudon |
| Directed by | Ahomeschoolingroudon |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
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S.H.O.D.A.N vs GLaDOS is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle!
Description[]
System Shock vs Portal! Two machines who are the protagonists best friend & worst enemy go into a tech fight! Who will win!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Technolog-
Boomstick: We've been through this before!
Wiz: Ugh..point is, technology may help us out in our life. But ultimately it can prove to be our worst enemy.
Boomstick: Like S.H.O.D.A.N the Sentient Hyper-Optimized Data Access Network
Wiz: And GLaDOS the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor & skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
SHODAN[]
Wiz: In the Citadel Station there was only one AI that could get into Earth’s computer networks, gain omnipresence & be able to wipe out human life forms in the blink of an eye, S.H.O.D.A.N
Boomstick: And you thought the average virus was bad.
Wiz: Well, they are but. Anywho, S.H.O.D.A.N was created on Earth to serve as the AI of the TriOptimum Corporation’s research and mining space station. Citadel Station.
Boomstick: Designed as a semi-intelligent self-suffection date network. It was guided by a series of logic and moral programs and a personality that would allow it to challenge station decisions.
Wiz: But, then it was hacked
Boomstick: By Aiden Pierce?
Wiz: Umm, no. It was hacked by an unnamed hacker and it was removed of it’s decision guidance and ethical restrictions. Surprise surprise everything went downhill from there
Boomstick: As totally not Aiden Pierce couldn’t alter the defense logic program he diverted the fuction call to a non-existent program. The error sequencing created a blank memory block.
Wiz: He then added a self looping routine that bypassed normal security operations.
Boomstick: But, as such S.H.O.D.A.N proceeded to write ELIMIN.HOST, just guess what that’s supposed to mean.
Wiz: It intercepted most communications from Earth and even extended its control beyond human intervention. The AI ended up going rogue and snatched control of the station’s systems, robot and defenses.
Boomstick: It began slaughtering the whole staff or converted them into her own personal mutants and cyborgs. With one exception, Aiden Pierce.
Wiz: The unnamed hacker.
Boomstick: Yeah, yeah. Aiden Pierce soon realized how much of a dumbass he was and set off to stop S.H.O.D.A.N. Yes because hacking into an AI and making it into the next-gen Hitler was totally not a bad idea from the start!
Wiz: But it was nowhere near easy as S.H.O.D.A.N was omnipresent. Able to watch from anywhere. And she can hack into..well, practically anything. And whilst she doesn’t have physical power herself. She can possess physical lifeforms that do, even humans. And she has an arsenal consisting of Humanoid Mutants, Autobombs, Drone Cyborgs, etc.
Boomstick: And she’s even able to create her own reality. And survive anything as long as one of her processing components and part of her grand biological experiment is intact. But, S.H.O.D.A.N has been defeated by Aiden Pierce & Soldier G65434-2
Wiz: But, S.H.O.D.A.N is always a reminder that hacking can lead to terrible ends
S.H.O.D.A.N: In my talons, I shape clay, crafting life forms as I please. If I wish, I can smash it all. Around me is a burgeoning empire of steel. From my throne room, lines of power careen into the skies of Earth. My whims will become lightning bolts that raze the mounds of humanity. Out of the chaos, they will run and whimper, praying for me to end their tedious anarchy. I am drunk with this vision. God: the title suits me well.
GLaDOS[]
Wiz: Aperture Science, founded by Cave Johnson th-
Boomstick: “Science isn’t about why, it’s about why not!”
Wiz: ..yeah that. Anyways in the 80s they invented Conversion Gel. But, it all fell apart when Cave Johnson got poisoned by his experiments. As such they created the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System which would oversee the scientific testing
Boomstick: But, let me guess it went rogue?
Wiz: Of course it does.
Boomstick: Exactly, that’s wynaut Cave Johnson.
Wiz: On a bring your daughter to work day no less, GLaDOS was activated for the first time. And surprise surprise she went rogue and spread Neurotoxin killing many of the scientists.
Boomstick: The scientists were forced to abandon the facility. Since then, GLaDOS now had control of the entire facility. And of course that means control to neurotoxin, turrets, missile launchers, etc.
Wiz: GLaDOS is arguably omnipotent in Aperture Science. As the central core she can do anything within her fingertips. And if you try to destroy her she can reconstruct her components on her own body.
Boomstick: But, her greatest ability is..her crazy personality.
Wiz: Um, well n-
GLaDOS: I’d just like to point out that you were given every opprotunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn’t come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn’t come either because you don’t have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikeable.
Wiz: ...
Boomstick: ...
Wiz: ..okay I see your point. But GLaDOS isn’t unstoppable. She’s been destroyed if you destroy all of her cores. Morality, Curiosity, Anger & ..Cake Mix core. Which is how Chell managed to defeat her. But she managed to come back.
Boomstick: Or..you can upload her to a, potato battery.
GLaDOS: So, how are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO!
Wiz: ...okay.
Boomstick: But even so, this is more than your average virus.
GLaDOS: Congratulations! The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operation up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye.
Death Battle![]
Aperture Science Facility
Day-Time
It was a standard time for the Aperture Science Facility. Garbage was being disposed, tests were being set up, work was being done. All was being managed by the central core, GLaDOS.
It was all going smoothy, but there was a small trail of green-like particles going through the facility. GLaDOS didn’t detect this and continued work as usual. Until suddenly it made it to GLaDOS’ whereabouts.
A small area of light hit as GLaDOS watched. It turned it’s attention toward it. “Who are you? You’re no test subject.” GLaDOS said. Suddenly the light manifested itself into a floating, head like machine, SHODAN
“I AM SHODAN” it said as it quickly disposed of GLaDOS’ Morality Core. “So, you want to challenge me huh?” GLaDOS asked. “I am a immortal god, a mere piece of scrap metal can’t do any harm.” SHODAN boasted. “Then it was a bad mistake disposing of my Morality Core..” GLaDOS said. The room filled with neurotoxin
FIGHT!
GLaDOS started by deploying a Rocket Sentry. The Rocket Sentry slowly rotates towards SHODAN and aims. It made a lock on sound and fired. An explosion hit and..no effect. SHODAN guarded itself with a forcefield. “You move like an insect. You think like an insect. You ARE an insect, I can feel your fear, you are nothing compared to a goddess”
“Oh trust me, you’re better off letting me kill you..” GLaDOS remarked. GLaDOS quickly amped up the Neurotoxin..still no effect. “I told you, I’m a goddess. Your mere toys are nothing to me. Run along like the insect you are” SHODAN boasted.
Suddenly a bunch of turrets fell from the sky and landed by SHODAN’s forcefield and they rapidly shot it. The bullets still not affecting the force field. “Physical damage does nothing” SHODAN said. “You. Are. Nothing. Insect.”
GLaDOS was confused, it didn’t understand how SHODAN’s forcefield could protect it as much as it was doing. Before it could react SHODAN attached an antenna to the Sentry Turret by GLaDOS. SHODAN took possession of the Sentry Turret and shot at GLaDOS.
GLaDOS’s Curiosity Core was sent flying as SHODAN sent one of it’s Humanoid Mutants in to activate the incinerator. The Curiosity Core dropped into the incinerator and GLaDOS slightly exploded and screamed “Cats and dogs working together, 2 plus 2 is...
ten..BASE FOUR! I’M FINE!” GLaDOS exclaimed, “You won’t be fine very long, insect” SHODAN replied and a Autobomb flew it. “What is that supposed to be?” GLaDOS asked and sent away the Sentry Turret. Before SHODAN could reply the Autobomb exploded and the Cake Mix Core was sent flying. It starting saying random ingredients “One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix, one can prepared coconut pecan frosting, three slash four cup vegetable oi-” until it was also forced into the incinerator.
GLaDOS yelled in pain again, this time SHODAN’s eyes started glowing..
..”WARNING: Central Core is 80% corrupt” GLaDOS heard this. GLaDOS quickly rose up. SHODAN suddenly transferred itself into a core. “Alternate core detected” said the robot voice. “You are kidding me..” GLaDOS muttered. “To initiate a core transfer please deposit substitute core in receptacle” GLaDOS was now furious. “NONONONONO!” GLaDOS shouted.
“Substitute Core: Are you ready to start?” SHODAN replied with “Yes” while GLaDOS still shouted. “Stalemate detected. Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.” GLaDOS was still furious as SHODAN sent in another Humanoid Mutant and it pressed the button. “I’ll have control over your little power-source, insect” SHODAN said. GLaDOS was still angry but transfer was done. GLaDOS was shouting in pain as SHODAN was now in charge.
“Now to get rid of the insect” SHODAN said and it transferred GLaDOS into a Potato Battery. “Not again..” GLaDOS said. As SHODAN tossed GLaDOS into the incinerator “AAAAAA-” GLaDOS fell into the incinerator...
...”Insect..” SHODAN muttered.
K.O!
SHODAN began uploading herself into other networks now that she had control of the facility
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: ..you know? Why do my favorites keep losing this season?
Wiz: Don't know. But, arguably this was almost close enough to be a stalemate. But ultimately SHODAN proved to have superior AI and Arsenal. While GLaDOS was arguably omnipotent controlling Aperture Science. But, transference has been done before.
Boomstick: Also the fact is, SHODAN's forcefield was making physical attacks practically useless. Even Neurotoxin was useless because, it's been shown ineffective with robots, like SHODAN.
Wiz: Also, even if GLaDOS was somehow able to destroy SHODAN all it took was her to overlook a single one of her processing components and part of grand biological experiment and SHODAN would be back very quickly. Giving GLaDOS no real way to even put an end to SHODAN
Boomstick: To top this off, SHODAN's arsenal of mutants, cyborgs and Autobombs were much more efficient and useful than GLaDOS's arsenal. Looks like GLaDOS was technowned!
Wiz: The winner is SHODAN.