Interlude[]
Wiz: It's human nature to try to conquer, dominate, and exploit the natural world.
Boomstick: But when dinosaurs get involved, well let's just say... life, uh, finds a way. Like with Rexy, the King of Jurassic Park.
Wiz: and Gwangi, the king of Forbidden Valley.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Rexy[]
Wiz: John Hammond had a dream. He wanted to create a park where dinosaurs still roamed, and where humans could come to be entertained. With the help of Henry Wu, he created many dinosaurs on the island of Isla Nublar, and invited several scientists to come and witness the park firsthand.
Boomstick: And... we all know how that turned out. The dinosaurs got loose and chaos ensued. So much for a theme park.
Wiz: There was one dinosaur in particular that was the star of the show, Rexy the Tyrannosaurus rex. A vicious carnivore weighing 12,000 pounds, Rexy is nearly unstoppable.
Boomstick: He‘s fought and killed many other dinosaurs, ranging from small fry like Gallimimuses and Velociraptors to titans like Triceratops and even the Indominus rex!
Wiz: He can break through fallen trees with ease, and pushed the Indominus rex through buildings. He can easily push around 4,000-pound trucks, and took down a Carnotaurus with a single attack.
Boomstick: His top speed is stated to be thirty-two miles per hour, but he can keep up with a speeding jeep, so he must be considerably faster. He also survived many bites and swipes from the Indominus rex, who could easily pierce bulletproof glass with its claws.
Wiz: As a T. rex, Rexy has jaws with the most powerful bite force of any animal that ever lived. His jaws can puncture with 8,000 pounds of force. That's like having three cars crush you with razor sharp blades!
Boomstick: With these jaws she can tear through metal, bone, and vehicles. He even broke the horn off of Lady Margaret the Triceratops!
Wiz: He also has an incredible sense of smell, and can track down anything. However, he has terrible eyesight, and struggles to see anything that doesn't move.
Boomstick: Rexy is surprisingly stealthy, and he can seemingly appear out of nowhere to ambush his prey. I'm not sure how he does it since his footsteps make so much noise sometimes, but he can!
Wiz: He has never lost a fight against any dinosaur, although it has gotten close. He would have lost against the Indominus rex and the Giganotosaurus if it weren't for other dinosaurs helping him.
Boomstick: He does have weaknesses, though. Notably, his eyesight sucks, and he can be distracted by bright lights and flairs. Plus, his tiny arms are completely useless.
Wiz: Whatever the case, Rexy is nearly unstoppable, and there has never been anyone able to stand in his way.
Gwangi[]
Wiz: In the heart of Mexico there lies a cursed valley lost to time. Home to all sorts of prehistoric animals such as dinosaurs and pterosaurs, the valley remained untouched for millions of years.
Boomstick: This was the Forbidden Valley, home to a giant purple dinosaur named Gwangi, who totally isn't related to Barney. Gwangi was an Allosaurus, the king of his ecosystem, the most powerful dinosaur in the valley.
Wiz: This unfortunately made him a target for some cowboys who sought to capture him for their rodeo. As expected, Gwangi broke free, rampaging through a town and killing several people.
Boomstick: In the end, he was trapped in a cathedral that burned to the ground with him inside of it. He died in the flames that day, but his legacy lives on as the terror of the Forbidden Valley.
Wiz: Gwangi was able to take on a Styracosaurus, and easily fought and killed a fully-grown elephant.
Boomstick: He had incredible durability, as he could shrug off bullets from rifles. He was also able to survive a landslide of boulders, although it did knock him out. Plus, when an elephant and Styracosaurus tried to stab him, it had no effect on him.
Wiz: His speed was superhuman, as he was able to outpace and catch Ornithomimuses and horses running at full speed.
Boomstick: He could push open the doors to a cathedral, even though it was being held closed by several people. Plus he has super high stamina, and didn't get tired after fighting a Styracosaurus and went on a rampage right after killing and elephant.
Wiz: Although he wasn't without fault. He was impaled by a makeshift spear made from a flagpole, and he was knocked out by a landslide. Plus, he was killed when enough burning rubble fell on top of him.
Boomstick: Not to mention, he isn't very smart. He has simple animalistic instincts and doesn't know how to strategize beyond simply attacking, and even allowed himself to get caught in the burning cathedral.
Wiz: Even with those flaws though, he's still incredibly powerful, and the most powerful beast in the Forbidden Valley.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
Death Battle[]
It was a bright and shiny day on Isla Nublar. The island, and Jurassic Park with it, had long been abandoned, left to return to nature after the dinosaurs had broken loose and terrorized the humans. Years later, all was peaceful. Dinosaurs lived in a perfect ecosystem with no human intervention, and on a day like this, all was quiet.
In a verdant pasture lied an adult female Tyrannosaurus, her snores shaking the ground around him. This was Rexy, and all dinosaurs on the island knew to steer clear of him. All except one, that was.
A terrible roar shook the tree line and Rexy's eyes snapped open. He scanned his surroundings, looking for anything that moved. As he turned, he saw another dinosaur, just as large as his and bright purple. It dragged its tail on the ground, and it slowly began to approach Rexy. This was none other than Gwangi.
Rexy rose to his feet and let out a roar as a warning, but Gwangi ignored the threat, responding with a roar of his own. The two dinosaurs got close and began to circle each other slowly, eyeing each other and sizing their opponent up and down. Finally, Gwangi made the first strike. He lunged forward, snapping at Rexy, but the Tyrannosaurus dodged just in time, responding with a quick slap of the tail to Gwangi's jaw.
Gwangi snarled as Rexy headbutted him, knocking him back and making him stagger slightly. He made another bite, this time connecting and digging into Rexy's tail. Rexy roared with anger, and swung his tail again, shaking Gwangi off. This time, he snapped back, grabbing a hold of Gwangi's neck.
The two theropods grappled for a moment, their footsteps shaking the ground around them. Rexy gripped Gwangi tight in his jaw and shook him, but the purple dinosaur kicked him with his clawed foot and broke out from his grasp. He then tackled into his foe, sending them both sprawling to the ground.
As they rose to their feet, Gwangi swung his tail and slapped Rexy in the face, knocking him back down. He then jumped onto her and began biting at his side, trying to rip off a chunk of flesh. Rexy struggled, and eventually shook Gwangi off of his before headbutting him in the face and snapping at his arm. He ripped the arm off with ease, and Gwangi released a terrible roar of pain.
Gwangi began to bleed profusely from his missing arm wound, but that didn't stop him. In fact, it just made him angrier. He screamed and charged at Rexy, biting his face and shaking. He used his remaining arm to scratch at him, and he ripped out one of his eyes.
Rexy roared in a mix of rage and pain. Both dinosaurs were hurting badly, but only one could leave this fight alive. Rexy grabbed Gwangi by the neck and dragged him through some trees, crashing through the foliage and causing much destruction. He then shoved him into a large rock before slamming him back.
Gwangi ran forward again and snapped, but Rexy dodged with expert timing. He grabbed him by the neck, and began to struggle against him. He was slowly twisting his neck. Gwangi swung his remaining arm wildly, but couldn't escape the grasp of the Tyrannosaurus. Eventually, he twisted far enough that a loud crack was heard, and Gwangi's body went limp. His neck had been broken.
When Rexy let go of the body, it collapsed to the ground like a ragdoll. On his neck were various puncture holes from where Rexy had bitten down hard. Rexy put a foot on top of Gwangi's corpse, stood tall, and released a mighty roar.
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: Rest in peace Barney, you won't be missed.
Wiz: This matchup was quite close, but Rexy had a few advantages that gave him a bit of an advantage.
Boomstick: First, let's talk speed. While Gwangi could easily keep up with horses, Rexy was able to keep up with a jeep, which is considerably faster.
Wiz: Second, let's look at defense. While Gwangi did have some considerable durability feats, he was able to be pierced by a flagpole. Meanwhile Rexy survived hits from the Indominus rex, who could break bulletproof glass. I don't think it's a stretch to say that Rexy had the advantage in this case.
Boomstick: While the two were mostly matched in raw strength, both being able to fight against other large animals, Rexy just had way more experience. He's fought countless other theropod dinosaurs, while Gwangi had pretty much gone uncontested in his reign as apex predator.
Wiz: In the end, Rexy's superior speed, durability, and experience gave him the victory.
Boomstick: Looks like Gwangi is out of the job!
Wiz: Don't you mean extinct?
Both: The winner is Rexy.