This is a What-If? Death Battle featuring the 4 Lords of Resident Evil Village.
Resident Evil Village: Four Lords Battle Royale | |
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Season 1-bonus, Episode 2 | |
Vital statistics
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Air date | 6/29/2021 |
Written by | RohgeKiller |
Directed by | RohgeKiller |
Episode guide
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RED (Creepypasta) vs GOLB (Adventure Time) | Vanny vs. Leenie Boog (FNAF vs. LB) |
Prelude[]
Boomstick: The Resident Evil series has its fair share of memorable and absolutely disturbing villains. And I love each and every one of them. Mr. X, Nemesis, Jack Baker: The list goes on and on.
Wiz: Resident Evil Village is the newest instalment in the horror game series. And today we’re taking the latest villains from Capcom's most recent release and striking the iron while it's hot to find out who is the most powerful among Mother Miranda's servants.
Boomstick: Lady Dimitrescu. The tall, brutal and beautiful vampire lord.
Wiz: Donna and Angie Beneviento. The Dollmaker and her porcelain friend.
Boomstick: Salvatore Moreau. The hideous and loyal fish man.
Wiz: And Karl Heisenberg. The brutal master of magnetism.
Wiz: Each of these ‘children’ have been implanted with a MOLD like creature known as ‘The Cadou’, giving them all different abilities and deformities. But only one can truly rule supreme, and today we’ll analyze the weapons, armor and abilities of the 4 lords of the Village to find out which one would win a Death Battle.
Alcina Dimitrescu[]
Wiz: High above a lowly European village lies the imposing Castle Dimitrescu. Home to the Dimitrescu family which had lasted for numerous generations even prior to the arrival of Mother Miranda, sometime before World War 1. And around that time, Alcina Dimitrescu was born.
Boomstick: But before she became the 9ft tall lady that broke every man on the internet, she was just a normal woman of noble birth. As normal as one can be with a debilitating blood disease. You know I'm starting to think that healthy people just don't exist in this universe.
Wiz: At some point after migrating to her homeland after World War 2, Dimitrescu was manipulated by Miranda and surgically implanted with a Cadou parasite. This process limited her mental capacity but physically enhanced her and grant her regenerative abilities to the point that she would grow to an astonishing 9ft 6.
Boomstick: Sshhhh… you hear that? That's the sound of thousands of fingers typing away, ready to defend their new waifu.
Background[]
- Age: Unknown. Likely born before 1950
- Height: 9'6"
- Monster Form Height: Roughly 14 feet tall
- Weight: Unknown
- Countess of Castle Dimitrescu
- The ultimate SIMP magnet
Boomstick: Anyway. The experiment worked like a charm. Not only did the Caudo prevent her from aging further, but she gained all sorts of new abilities. For starters, her regeneration is top notch and she barely reacts to any or all types of gunfire. Even grenades barely faze her and headshots just piss her off.
Wiz: Despite her (cough) massive size, she is surprisingly quick and silent and can appear behind Ethan Winters without being detected. And believe us, you don’t want to get caught in her grasp. Not only is she strong enough to lift humans with one arm and can throw heavy furniture with little effort, but hidden within her hands are deadly, retractable claws that can slice through steel bars.
Boomstick: Think of her as a Lady Mr. X... Lady X.
Weapons[]
- Retractable Claws
- Thunder Thighs
Abilities and Skills[]
- Full knowledge on creating life
- Created her three 'daughters'
- Spawning carnivorous flies
- Insane regenerative ability
- Barely reacts to explosions
- Gunfire doesn't affect her
- Surprisingly silent movements
- Superhuman Strength
- Can tear off human limbs
- Battered Ethan Winters through multiple floors
Mutated/Dragon Form[]
- Massive size
- Can break through stone structures with no effort
- Endure massive amounts of gunfire
- Flight
- Fast enough to dodge gunfire
- Teeth and claws
Wiz: And like most of her 'siblings' Alcina can manipulate her Cadou and its abilities, but since she is one of the more successful of Mirandas experiments, its grants her more control over her physiology. If she takes enough damage, like being stabbed with a dagger that contains the most lethal poisons in the world, she’ll transform into a massive Chimera-like creature. In this form she’s strong enough to tank most gunfire and break through solid stone structures, as well as fly around her castle within seconds. And its strength should be on par with Urias, who can dislodge and throw stone pillars.
Boomstick: She can even swallow people whole with her separate head. I bet that was a shock to all the dweebs who simped over her. Though you’d think this sudden transformation would make her even harder to damage, but like all bosses in Resident Evil, the weakness is usually obvious. In this case, her head and upper body which latches onto her dragon forms back is quite the target.
Wiz: And despite all the physical changes, her porphyria never went away and as a result, she and her ‘daughters’ must regularly feed off of human flesh in order to remain alive. This seemingly simple setback is actually one of her greatest weaknesses. If she doesn’t get enough blood and takes too much damage at once, her regenerative abilities slow down. Leaving her susceptible to all types of damage.
Boomstick: And when you’re name is Ethan Winters, you’ll probably take full advantage of that. Still, not bad for the first boss. Oh ya, the marketing team made her such a big deal, and then she’s dead within the first hour. What a rip.
Wiz: You call it a rip off, I call it clever marketing.
''You will know what it means to insult house Dimitrescu!''-Alcina to Ethan
Donna and Angie Beneviento[]
Wiz: The second lord of Resident Evil Village lies past a graveyard complete with a garden. Further ahead is a rather quant looking home that resides next to a waterfall. On first glance it appears to be no different than most homes and certainly not befitting for supposed royalty.
Boomstick: But as is protocol with every horror game: Things are never quite the way they seem. And in this case you’d better take that literally. The moment you walk past the front gate, some strange shit starts to occur.
Wiz: This is all due to the hallucinogenic plants located in the gardens, which cause people to have frightening illusions, usually revolving around personal issues like losing a loved one. And all of this is part of a sinister, warped game, masterminded by Donna and Angie Beneviento.
Background[]
- Age: Unknown.
- Donnas Height: 5'8"
- Angies Height: 13 inches
- Weight: Unknown
- Heir of the Beneviento house
- If Jeff Dunham was a woman
Boomstick: Otherwise known as that one girl you made fun of in school, and her creepy as fuck doll. Ugh. Something about porcelain dolls always creeped me out. I think its the eyes, and the hands, and everything else.
Wiz: Donna wasn’t always like this, however. She was born an average, fairly loved girl with an extremely caring father, who made Angie for her as a present.
Boomstick: Should have burned that damn thing.
Wiz: At some point, Donna acquired a thin scar that ran across her face, causing her to become a recluse in her own home. Afraid of what people might think of her. With the only people she ever talked to being her parents and...Angie.
Boomstick: So she spent most her time talking to herself like the average twitter user? Got it. But if that wasn’t enough, when her parents tragically passed away she receded even further and wouldn’t talk to anyone, except for Angie. And like a Jeff Dunham inspired horror movie: Angie started talking back.
Donnas Abilities and Skills[]
- Minor reality warping
- Can become invisible
- Can turn off and flicker lights
- Has control over other dolls she's infected
- Other dolls are equipped with blades
- Can swarm Ethan Winters
- Uses pheromones to create hallucinations
- Hallucinations can cause heart attacks
- Can make people hear things only they would know
Angies Abilities and Skills[]
- Can move on her own without Donna
- Presumably has her own sentient thoughts
- Levitation
Wiz: Sort of. Due to a possible case of Bipolar Personality Disorder and a little bit of Cadou experimentation thanks to Mother Miranda, Angie can move and talk on her own, and acts almost like Donna's mouthpiece. And the same goes for any other doll that lies around the house. Though you’re more likely to succumb to the hallucinations than anything else, which, while they don’t actually cause real harm like being eaten by a giant fetus...
Boomstick: Note to self: Don't have kids.
Wiz: …It's most likely that when someone is ‘killed’ it's the result of a heart attack or some form of aneurism. Its basically Donnas only real form of attack.
Boomstick: Aside from the other creepy dolls that'll dogpile you to death. As for Donna herself, she can turn invisible and warp her surroundings. But other than how creepy as hell everything looks, that's about the extent of it all.
Wiz: Of all the Lords, Donna and Angie are the weakest, physically. They are the only ones without a mutated form and rely solely on using their hallucinogenic powers to subdue their prey, and even all the dolls Donna possesses can be swatted away like flies. Compared to the others, she is rather tame and prefers to stay secluded in her abode, making dresses and talking to her dolls.
Boomstick: I’m still not taking any chances. Next doll I see is getting a hundred, 100 mm straight to the head!
''You better find me quick, before my friends murder you!''-Angie to Ethan.
Salvatore Moreau[]
Wiz: Our third lord waits within the ruins of what appeared to be an old medical lab, as well as a reservoir that once housed many villagers. There lived the Moreau family who, like the others, worshiped the pagan cult led by Mother Miranda. At one point or another, their patriarch and final lord, Salvatore Moreau was chosen for experimentation.
Boomstick: Great choice there, Miranda. Choose the guy who can’t think for himself and is clearly lagging in the mental department. I can’t see this going wrong.
Background[]
- Age: Unknown.
- Height: 6'1"
- Final form height: 8’10’’
- Weight: Unknown
- Heir of the Moreau Family
- U G L Y
Wiz: Yes, unfortunately for Salvatore, he does appear to have suffered from a late development, with Miranda noting his low brain activity even before the transformation. Though you could argue that this only made him even more loyal to Miranda and willing to do her bidding, especially if it means earning her praise.
Boomstick: So he’s even more of a simp than the guys who simp for Dimitrescu! I mean, he even has a ’mother’ tattoo on his arm. Speaking of his arm, its horrifying, as is the rest of him.
Wiz: Out of all the four lords, Moreau is well… he’s…
Boomstick: ‘’Ugly as fuck!’’ is the phrase you’re looking for.
Wiz: I was going to say the least human. While the others retain their humanity to an extent, Moreau's transformation has resulted in more than just a few defects. For starters his entire body is covered in viscous fluids and deformed boils...Ugh.
Boomstick: If the word Hunchback was a person, it would be him. Speaking of that ‘fluid’ it seems to just spread everywhere and form gooey walls… and with that I’m never going to eat canterbury eggs again. Thanks Resident Evil!
Wiz: Lets move on. As unappealing as he looks, Moreau also harbors a deep and bitter feeling of self envy. He prefers to lock himself away in his reservoir where he can live without being judged by the other lords. He doesn’t believe himself to be worthy and is constantly trying to impress Miranda, who he now believes is his own mother.
Boomstick: Ew.
Abilities and Skills[]
- Constantly vomits acid
- Somewhat physically imposing
- Can subdue Lycans, according to his journal
- Pretty slow
Final Form[]
- Mutated fish/salamander form
- Multiple eyes, giving him 360 vision
- Swims very fast
- Uses Orca like attacks to knock Ethan into the water
- Durable enough to withstand most gunfire
- Spits massive amounts of acid
- Can literally make it 'rain' acid
- If he doesn't expel it quick enough, it could harm him
Wiz: As for his combat prowess: It is said in his own journal that he can physically restrain Lycans, making him stronger than he appears. The rest of his arsenal revolves around his gross transformation into a giant fish that even the locals tend to fear. If he wasn’t already immensely disgusting, in this form he can swim unnaturally fast and swallow full grown adults, whole. He is also relatively resilient though explosive force can daze him and leave his ‘human’ form open to attacks.
Boomstick: And if he happens to find himself on land because some schmuck named Ethan drained his lake, he can still fight in a sorta salamander form. Crawling around on his legs and vomiting so much acid that you’d think that's all he’s made of. He can rain acid to the point that it covers an entire valley. But other than that, he’s kind of a failure.
Wiz: Moreau is clumsy, doesn’t think his ideas through, is very self-deprecating and has no real way to control his transformation. All of this and more would eventually spell his doom at the hands of Ethan Winters. It's almost sad in a way. Moreau lived his entire life wanting to be worthy of love and respect, and in the end he never truly got any of it from Miranda or the other lords.
Boomstick: Ya I guess it kind of is... still, U G L Y. So he probably deserved it.
''I'll make you proud mother. Watch me!''-Moreau while trying to kill Ethan.
Karl Heisenberg[]
Boomstick: Every family has that one kid whos just doesn't want to participate in anything. They'd rather sit in their room, play with their toys, smoke that stuff their friend got from behind a dennys, and yell at their parents when they don't get enough me time... What's this have to do our guy?
Wiz: Our final lord plots his never ending rebellion against the very woman who gave him his powers. Rarely straying from his factory and working tirelessly to build an army to eclipse Miranda is one Karl Heisenberg of the Heisenberg family.
Background[]
- Age: Unknown.
- Height: 5'11"
- Final form height: Roughly 16ft
- Weight: Unknown
- Heir of the Heisenberg Family
- Possibly compensating with the big hammer
Boomstick: Now this is a guy I can get behind. The hat, the hammer, the cigar and the magneto-like powers, and a wicked personality to boot. Though I draw the line with the whole human experimentation thing.
Wiz: Like the other families, the Heisenbergs once ruled over the small village and owned a massive metal factory. Treating its workers like cattle with little regard for their safety, and it seems Karl was pretty much the same, even before Miranda experimented on him. Speaking of, it was these cold hearted actions that gave him a deep and bitter resentment of Miranda.
Abilities and Skills[]
- Superhuman strength
- Wields a massive metal hammer with no effort
- Presumably stronger than most Lycans
- Control over magnetic fields
- Can catch/absorb bullets
- Can warp metal into almost any shape
- Extensive knowledge on cybernetics and human biology
Final Form[]
- Massive cybernetic creature
- Surprisingly fast as well
- Armed with buzz saws and blades
- Creates whirlwinds of metal
- Can pull in and throw large chunks of metal
- Like Moreaus Acid Rain, encompasses a large area
- Can withstand multiple cannon shots
- Though somehow handgun bullets can harm him?
Wiz: He began to see his 'siblings' as nothing more than puppets and was willing to do anything to break free from Mirandas control.
Boomstick: Again, props. If I was taken against my will and had some large parasite shoved into my stomach, I'd probably be a bit angry too. But hey, you can’t argue with the results. Karl's main form of offense is his control over the magnetic spectrum. It's how he made that big hammer of his which is perfect for bashing skulls.
Wiz: His superhuman strength allows him to lift and drag Ethan Winters while he's trapped within a metal coffin. And the Cadou within him gave Karl much more than just simple telekinesis. He can seemingly control the metal at a molecular level and bend it to his very will. So much so that he can even replace human organs and add robotic parts to his own experiments. This level of ingenuity gives him a dangerous edge as aside from Dimitrescu, he's the only one to have properly 'created' life.
Boomstick: And when it all boils over and he’s ready to start his rebellion with his terminator army, he does what every Resident Evil boss does and goes into phase 2. In this case he molds as much metal as he can and transforms into a Michael Bay Transformers styled monster. Complete with a giant Buzzsaw for a hand and full control over all types of metal.
Wiz: It's been stated by both the Duke and Miranda that Heisenberg is the most dangerous of the four lords, and its not hard to see why. His magnetism combined with his downright sadistic attitude make him a foil to even Ethan, who would have been killed by him had Chris Redfield not caused a distraction.
Boomstick: Heisenberg is a bit of a glass cannon, in that his weakness is a cannon. His metallic final form is durable but not indestructible and can be damaged by even simple firearms. He is also very arrogant and despite all his plotting and planning, his biggest mistake without a doubt was underestimating a fathers love, and every players will to beat the game in as least time as possible.
Wiz: He was nothing if not ambitious.
''Lets see what you're really made of. Ethan Winters.''-Heisenberg to Ethan.
Pre-Battle[]
A summoning by Mother Miranda was not to be denied.
For in this mountainscape surrounded by endless hills and snow and within that small village hidden from the world around them, there was only one law. Mother Miranda was order, peace, freedom and death all in one. She was the prophet of the Black God who freed the simple people of this land nearly a century ago, and has ruled over them with an iron hand ever since. Anyone who dared to deny her was never seen again.
Largely in part to her 'children'. Once mere humans who lived under her rule like the others, yet chosen by her for a higher purpose. The Four Lords who kept the villagers in line and took them in as subjects for their own twisted experiments. They, like Miranda, were to be respected and feared. Yet even they bent a knee to the powerful, all encompassing Mother Miranda. It was her ‘gifts’ that gave these lords their titles and powers to command over the blind servants of the village.
As such, they all soon left their abodes to make the journey to Mirandas sanctuary where they would no doubt discuss matters of great importance. The first to arrive was the noble Lady Dimitrescu. The imposing yet beautiful Lord of the castle that resided just north of the village. Her proximity to the temple meant that she always arrived first, even if she wasn’t as quick to respond to Miranda's calls.
That honor goes to Salvatore Moreau. The ever loyal hunchback and well renowned ugly duckling of the quartet was always ready to drop whatever failed experiment he was working on to meet with his ‘mother’. No matter what the others said about him, and believe us when we say he knows, he was always willing to do whatever Miranda asked of him.
Donna and Angie arrived soon after Dimitrescu. Quiet as a church mouse as she entered the large building, carrying her best friend in her arms. The dollmaker rarely if ever stepped outside her simple abode and wasn’t a fan of walking through the village. Still, it was better than being late and facing summary punishment.
And then there was Heisenberg. If being late was a profession, he’d have the lifetime achievement award. He made no secret of his distate for these meetings and it was incredible how often he wouldn’t face punishment for the disrespect he showed the others, but it was also a miracle he hadn’t lashed out at any of them...Yet. Though by the time he arrived, it was clear that something was amiss.
For starters: Mother Miranda was nowhere to be seen.
It was unlike her to ever be late to one of her ‘family’ meetings, let alone not already be at the ceremony site. It was out of character. So naturally it caught the attention of Heisenbergs theatrical flamboyance. ''Well where the Hell is she?'' He asks sharply. Being the only one to not take a seat as he stands in the center of the entryway. ''You're telling me I walked all the way here for absolutely zilch!''
''Oh, quit your clamoring, Heisenberg!'' Spat the Lady Dimitrescu who even while sitting still towered over everyone else in the room. Smoking her fancy cigar and doing her best to ignore the drones of her 'brother'. ''It won't kill you to get out of that rancid factory of yours every once in a while now would it? I'm sure Miranda i-''
''Not everyone has dozens of loyal servants to rub your feet and do menial tasks, Alcina. Some of us actually have to work to achieve success.'' Heisenberg interjected. Still not bothering to take a seat. As the incompatible siblings squabble over nonsense, the odd one out, Moreau, tries to hide his worry from the others. He and he alone was unquestionable in his loyalty to Mother. So much so that he couldn’t help but let out a fretful grunt upon seeing that Miranda wasn’t where she should be.
‘’Oh quit your crying, fish face.’’ Angie laughed at his expense from Donna's lap. Her own twisted face made subtle cracking noises every time she moved a ‘muscle’. She only continued to laugh as Alcina and Heisenberg were nearly at eachothers throats before...
''Enough!’’ Came a cry from above that would have shattered the eardrums of any normal person. And there were no normal people in this house.
From the large open cathedral windows came Mother Miranda, at last. Descending with her 6 wings like a twisted form of the messiah, melded into the shape of a crow. Her arrival brought the four Lords to their metaphorical knees: in that they stopped their bickering and gave her the attention she deserved.
‘’At least I know you are prepared.’’ Miranda said, uncharacteristically dull as she landed before her children. Though not folding in her wings like usual.
‘’Prepared?’’ Heisenberg muttered, his hammer on his shoulder. Keeping his eyes on Dimitrescu who fixed her hat and dress, unwilling to look improper. Moreau and Donna were still relatively quiet, waiting to be properly addressed by the pointed glare of their Mother.
‘’I have gathered you all to announce that something, spectacular, is about to occur.’’ Miranda continued. Ignoring the looks of confusion from her Lords. ‘’With the arrival of a proper vessel, I am now this close to bringing back my beloved daughter.’’ A small, almost unseen tear in her eye as she said this with more conviction than the Lords had previously heard from her.
Her words were taken differently depending on the Lord, though all of them shared a strange sense of worry. The return of Mirandas true child meant a lot of changes were about to take place. What would it mean for Dimitrescu and her own daughters? Would Donna and Angie be forgotten? Would Miranda no longer want Moreau around? And would she finally lash out against Heisenberg?
‘’Then let me be the first to congratulate you, Miranda.’’ Dimitrescu said. Playing off her inner worries as nothing but joy. Though if Miranda so much as cared, she didn't bother to make it known. Rather keeping her gaze in the center of the room with all of them within her peripherals.
‘’Your company has been nothing short of gracious and I must thank you all for remaining ever so loyal to me.’’ She continued. Keeping an extra eye on Heisenberg, who could sense something wasn't right in the slightest and kept his hammer close. And his swinging arm at the ready. ’But now I’m afraid I must make an impossibly crude, and heartless decision for the good of this mission. To make certain that nothing will stand in my way.’’
''M-mother?'' Moreau gurgled. His heart sinking as he realized that his worst fear was about to come true.
‘’As my final command. Kill one another! To the victor: the spoils.’’ Was the last thing she uttered before she raised all 6 of her wings and took her leave, rightfully so. She knew exactly what each was capable of and hypothesized that there would be no village by the time their battle was over.
Speaking of...
Fight![]
If there was an award for quickest response to a command then Heisenberg would have taken it and ran as he swung his metal hammer over his shoulders and smashed it right into the side of Dimitrescu. Using his power of magnetism to further dig the hammer into his ‘sisters’ side. Far too distracted by Mirandas order to see her brothers wicked intentions, her pained scream echoed off the walls before she was thrown through one of the wooden walls from the impact, disappearing in the dust.
‘’Oh, I’ve been waiting to do that.’’ said an elated Heisenberg. Gleefully placing his hammer on his shoulder. Turning and giving a stern yet cynical look to Donna and Moreau, who flinched as he mock-charged them before laughing it off. Stepping on his cigar before addressing them. ‘’Well… you heard Mother! Get to killing each other and if you’re still alive when I’m done with Lady Big Bitch, I’ll do it myself.’’
He then took his leave with the more or less bewildered pair of Lords, walking through the giant sized hole created by Dimitrescu’s form. His hammer dragging against the ground.
‘’Hello? Yoo-Hoo?’’ He called out to the dust, blowing some of it away and making it to presumably the center of the room which was barely lit from the extremely dirty windows. ‘’Come on out so I can teach YOU a lesson in respect, you gargantuan bit-’’
From the shadows came a massive hand to silence Karls liberal chatter by closing around his throat and lifting him from the ground. His eyes met the cold stare of Alcinas just as his stomach met the even colder blades of her fingertips. Cutting through him like butter and spilling his blood and causing him to drop his hammer.
‘’I’m going to enjoy this.’’ Dimitrescu said before tossing her brother to the floor. Her nails extended as she marched towards him like a lion would a wounded hyena. Raising her claws and bringing them down on the winded Heisenberg, who summoned his weapon back into his grasp, barely raising it in time to block the blow. Dodging one swipe that missed his eye by a mere centimeter, cutting his glasses in half.
The deadly digits of Alcina Dimitrescu sparked against his reinforced metal club. Any one of those fingers could slice a man's head off without effort and Heisenberg knew it. But he also knew that she wasn’t very fast in comparison with himself. He took full advantage of that and twisted around her claws and smashed his hammer into her knee, ducked another swipe and did the same to her other leg.
Though all it did was enrage the heir of castle Dimitrescu. Her healing factor all but negating Karl's desperate swings.
The frustrated Alcina grabbed the hammer by the middle in an attempt to pry it from Karl's hands. But as she lifted her brother once more, he smirked and flicked his off hand, calling upon nearby chunks of metal with his magnetism. ‘’Block this!’’ He shouted before hurling the metal slabs at the unaware Dimitrescu, colliding with her from behind and causing her to yelp as the metal pierced her skin.
‘’Is that all?’’ Shoving her brother away like a fly and brushing the metal from her dress. But Karls smirk never faltered even as Alcina closed in on him with malicious intent.
‘’Oh we’re just getting started!’’ He said before jumping back and out of his sisters range, before moonwalking up multiple pieces of metal. Raising him into the air until he was eye to eye with Alcina, who not since her transformation has had to look up to address anyone. ‘’You have no idea how much I’m going to enjoy this. Out of all my ‘siblings’, I despised you the most!’’ Karl spat from above.
‘’The feeling is mutual.’’ Alcina replied. Extending her claws and swiping upwards at her brother, who just barely got out of reach before retaliating with a flurry of airborne attacks, courtesy of his magnetism. Hurling whatever metal he could find at the vengeful mother of 3, who swung her claws to cut down anything that came her way.
Yet she couldn’t block everything as a particularly large slab went right for her legs. Coiling around her ankles like a metal snake and molding itself with the floor, trapping her for the moment as she struggled to stay upright. Which would prove all the more difficult as Heisenberg raised his hands and summoned a cluster of metal objects from around the area.
Roaring as he condensed the metal together, creating a spiked battering ram as large as the arm of a crane. Topped with a buzzsaw at the end for good measure. He laughed ‘’Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to take great care of your ‘daughters’ when you’re pushing up daisies!’’ before hurling the metal construct at the confined Alcina, who screamed as the jagged spikes pierced her skin and only continued to dig deeper.
The force of the impact also broke her free from the restraints, but even as she pushed and shoved with all her impressive might, the Magnetism of Karl Heisenberg was just too much. Soon enough, she found herself pinned to the floor, which began to crack under the pressure. Letting out one last hearty laugh to his sister, Heisenberg drew back his foreign appendage and crushed Alcina beneath it, finally breaking the floor underneath it and sending her to the depths below with a frightful scream. Her body disappeared under the rubble.
Karl gave another sizable laugh as he lowered himself to what remained of the floor and looked down the massive crevice with glee. Lifting a new cigar to his mouth and taking a big puff, dropping some of the ash into the hole. ‘’So long, ‘’sister’’. Ha!’’ Turning away from what he presumed was the resting place of his most hated sibling, second only to his dear ‘mother’, the last thing he expected to happen was a sudden blotting of the sun as something massive rose from the newly created crevice.
The second to last thing he expected was to see something equivalent to a dragon raising its mighty head up and above him. Splitting blood between its dozens of razor sharp teeth, its wings unfolded to block out whatever light made its way through the dusty windows. Atop the Dragons spine was a malformed Alcina who attached to the creature like a leech, laughing maniacally.
‘’I. WILL. DEVOUR YOU!’’ She screamed at the stunned Heisenberg. His cigar fell from his mouth as made a dash to get out of the way, but found himself flying through the air as he was swatted away like a common fly by the creature's massive claw. Sending him crashing through a wooden wall and skidding across the floor of the church. Once again dropping his hammer in the process.
‘’Well, that about fucking tears it!’’ coughed the dazed Heisenberg. Tasting blood on his lips as he rose to his hands and knees to what was an interesting sight.
It appears that Donna and Moreau had been rather busy since he last saw them, promising to kill them once he was done with Dimitrescu. During that time it appears that not much has really changed aside from a few scattered pools of acid, with a sobbing and stuttering Moreau huddled in one of his own puddles. Muttering something about Miranda, though it was mostly incomprehensible.
Nearby, still sitting in her usual spot was the black veiled Donna with Angie in her lap. The pair simply watched as the poor fishman withered in metal anguish as he battled demons only he could see. It was clear that there never was much of a battle as all Donna had to do was make sure Moreau was occupied by the hallucinations given off by her and her psychotic doll.
Speaking of: The white robed puppet turned its attention to Karl the moment he crashed through the wall. Giggling emphatically in her owner's lap.
‘’Oh goody! I was hoping you weren’t dead just yet. I’ll need a new playmate once I’m done with fish face!’’ Said the ear piercing voice of the porcelain doll, following with an equally annoying cackle that soon brought Karl to his knees. His brain felt like it was inside a pressure cooker as his stomach spinned violently. Feeling as though he was about to pass out in the middle of battle, which was never good.
Lucky for Donna that she always had a few of those hallucinogenic plants on hand, just in case something went wrong. And Angie was more than happy to accommodate for her new playmates. ‘’Now we can play forever, and ever!’’ She giggled.
Just before everything went wrong.
The only warning anyone received was a sudden shaking of the ground before the north end of the church's walls were destroyed entirely. A miniature explosion of wood and stone as the ugly maw of Dimitrescu’s dragon form reared its head, hissing. The collision caused Donna to break her concentration, releasing both Karl and Moreau from her mental hold before standing up and backing away from the erate beast. Using her illusions to make herself invisible for the time being.
‘’THERE’S NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!’’ The former Alcina shrieked. Hundreds of flesh eating flies expelled from her body.
Karl quickly snapped back to his senses and used his magnetism to lift a large slab of metal to hurl at the former lady D. Yet while she easily blocked it with her powerful wings, it was enough to distract her for a moment as he got to his feet and bolted away. Summoning more metal to use as platforms to make his way around the rubble. Using the same slabs of metal as a makeshift shield upon hearing Dimitrescu’s sickening laughter echo off what remained of the church’s walls.
Moreau was, as usual, a bit slower to come to grips with what was happening exactly. The impact of Mother Miranda leaving him behind was already enough that it didn’t take much effort on Donna's part to subdue him. By the time he realized what exactly he was looking at, his body was already giving up and he knew he couldn’t keep the Cadou at bay any longer.
And not a moment too soon as the large claw of Dimitrescu reached out and wrapped around his mucus covered body. Drawing him closer and closer to the monster's gaping maw. ‘’You might not be appetising, but I’ll enjoy crushing you!’’ Alcina growled, planning to pop the grotesque man like a water balloon.
But as Moreau's stomach reached its limit, he accidentally expelled his horrendous mucus onto the Dragons face. Blanketing and burning its skin as it reeled back, dropping him in the process. Shrieking ‘’YOU LITTLE FREAK!’’ as her skin rapidly repaired itself, all while Moreau continued to shudder below. His fish-like gills flooded with acid.
‘’I-I, I can’t HOLD it anymore!’’ Moreau gurgled and gagged as gallons of acidic mucus filled his body. His stomach expanding to ridiculous proportions before he once more erupted like a volcano, spewing acid into the sky to rain down on his former siblings. As well as further damaging what remained of the church's fragile structure.
Heisenburg was the luckiest as he noticed what was about to occur and began to envelop his body in metal. Creating a crude but water tight tent that protected him from the acid, and gave him plenty of time to make his next move.
Dimitrescu was less lucky. Despite her impressive durability, she found the liquid to not only smell as foul as it looked, but it burned her skin to the point of leaving welts. Having to use her wings like a shield to protect her vulnerable body, while all the flies that previously surrounded her dropped to the floor.
The same couldn’t be said for Donna and Angie. Protected from the wrath of the other two thanks to her invisibility, yet completely vulnerable to the acrid rain that threatened to pool the entire area. Her screams were barely noticeable to the others as her flesh melted from the bone, her veil dissipating to reveal her terrified face before it too was liquified.
The doll in her arms falling lifelessly into a pool of acid. Corroding and destroying it from within.
As Moreau seemingly emptied his stomach for the time being, the healing Dimitrescu took the opportunity and lunged for the bloated fishman. Grabbing him by both ends with her claws. His greasy form was difficult to hold onto, but her claws only dug deeper and began to stretch him beyond mortal limitations, like a bloody Stretch Armstrong.
‘’Help me! Mother! MOTHER!’’ He screamed. Dimitrescu’s laughter almost blocked out his cries of pain just before he was ripped in two with one final howl of pain. His liquid insides spilling out like a broken canterbury egg before being tossed aside by Dimitrescu, who found his foul form no more appetizing than an actual canterbury egg.
Upon finishing off the Salvatore patriarch, the monstrous dragon spun its head to where her final sibling last was. Secluded in a massive pile of metal that only continued to grow, cracking with electricity as it bent and molded in ways that no natural smith could ever hope to achieve. Creating a metallic apparatus that was equal in size to Dimitrescu, and loaded to the brim with blazing steel, buzz saws and drills.
Heisenbergs mechanical laughter echoed off of Dimitrescus more animalistic cackling as the two ‘stood’ face to face, surrounded by a broken church and puddles of acid and blood.
"No more distractions!" Karl proclaimed.
Alcina roared in response, raising her wings and taking flight while releasing a volley of flies at Heisenbergs mutated form. The metallic Karl summoned a wall of metal, catching the flies as they bounced off it, and bent it like a tin can, crushing them just as Alcina rushed him. Creating an enormous shock wave upon impact as steel and flesh collided.
"You puny, disrespectful Man-Thing!" Alcina grabbed the metal neck of Karl's mutated form with her monstrous jaws, trying to tear the appendage from its socket.
Karl raised his buzzsaw arm and dug it into the belly of the beast, so to speak, while using his other to clock the monster in the jaw. Due to his more ‘unnatural’ range of movement, Heisenberg was able to slip out of Alcinas grasp, reel his arm back beyond any mortal restriction and slice into the jugular of the Dragon, causing it to roar out in pain. ‘’Ah-haha. Bleed like the world's watching!’’ He laughed before using his metal chasse to ram the beast before him.
Alcinas body began repairing itself at a rapid pace, closing her wounds just as the deadly blades made a beeline for her jagged mouth. Using the strength to break castle walls, the dragon tanked the blow and tackled the metal monster, sending it on its back with a loud thud.
Now towering over her mutated brother, Alcina used her weight to pin his arms and latched her jaws around the left ‘shoulder’. Its many teeth tearing into the metal while her impressive strength ripped the appendage from its cavity. Hearing her brother roar in agony as she spat the arm away, laughing maniacally. ‘’YOU HAVE INSULTED HOUSE DIMITRESCU FOR THE LAST TIME, HEISENBERG!’’ She declared to the pinned Heisenberg, who squirmed around in his metal chassis, finally breaking his other arm free from her grasp.
"Finally! You said something that actually made sense!" Heisenberg bellowed in rage, challenging Alcina to do her absolute worst before pushing the back of his treads against the dragon's exposed belly. The metal further damaged her mutated form, which still managed to regenerate rather quickly.
‘’DIE! DIE DIE DIE!’’ She shrieked as she lunged forward. The pointed edge of Karls other arm dug into Alcinas neck, holding her at bay while his previously dismembered arm twitched before rising into the air. It flew back into its rightful place and immediately began slicing up the dragon's mouth, cutting up its frightening teeth.
As Dimitrescu roared and broke away from the assault, Heisenberg only laughed as a blue aura began to surround the mech, pulling in more and more metal, as well as pulling against Alcinas impressive strength. Unsure of what to do, the Lady D. took off and flew circles around the empowered Heisenberg, unknowingly making herself even more vulnerable.
‘’Time to end this!’’ Karls mechanical voice rang out as he planted himself into the ground. His back opened up to reveal a massive propeller that soon created what could best be described as a metal hurricane. Launching scrap and debris of all sizes into the air, a whirlwind of fury that also brought Alcina closer to her doom.
She screamed as dozens of shrapnel cut into her flesh, adding her poisoned blood into the mix of metal and dirt, as well as damaging her wings to such a degree that it became harder and harder to stay airborne. Yet she wouldn’t be in the air for long as she found herself fighting against the current, and losing. Heinsenbergs laughter reverberated in the air.
‘’It's time for the beautiful, bloodsoaked, grand finale!’’ He rattled as one particularly large piece of metal cut into the edge of Alcinas right wing, sending her tumbling through the air. Screaming all the way up until she felt Karls metal grasp against her arm, pulling her closer into the deadly garbage disposal on his back. Pulling her in and smiling gleefully as he felt her flesh tear against it.
‘’NooooOOOOO!’’ She screamed as the blades dug into her arms and chest, nearly severing her arm. But she had little time to even register the thought of being cut into mincemeat as one of Karls bladed arms rose up, taking aim at her actual body that sat atop the dragon's back. Spelling her doom as well as spilling her blood.
The buzzsaw dug right where she was rooted into the beast and didn’t stop, wouldn’t stop until she was as lifeless as her other siblings. Her screams died out under the sounds of metal grinding together before her body was completely severed, falling to the floor with a sickening thud, twitching.
But even as the dragon form above him went limp, Karl wasn’t satisfied. Tossing the larger body aside, he raised his saw and planted it upon Dimitrescu’s lifeless form and revved it until there was nothing left but a bloody hole in the ground. Whatever remained of the dragon soon calcified and turned to dust, leaving only one thing left standing.
The metal apparatus hunching over as it seemingly powered down. Its owner spent and ready to take a rest, if at least for the moment. ‘’Ah. That felt good!’’ Karl said from within his mech. Leaning back and taking out another cigar from his jacket, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time as his mission was finally over.
Years of plotting and planning all leading up to a broken fish man, a melted doll, and blood stained mech. Now there was really only one thing left to do as he took a long huff from his bouquet.
‘’Now...where’s that boulder punching asshole?’’
Results[]
Heisenberg (Winner)
- + Deadliest final form
- + Most durable final form
- + Most intelligent
- + In canon, has been preparing for this conflict
- - Easily the most arrogant
Dimitrescu
- + Strongest Physically
- + Most durable base form
- + Fastest final form
- - Requires blood to sustain her final form
- - Obvious weak point is obvious
Moreau
- + Range and Area of Effect
- - Slowest base form
- - Second weakest durability
- - Least intelligent overall
Donna and Angie
- + Best Stealth
- + Hallucinations
- - Weakest physically
- - No real offensive measures
- - Is the most human
Boomstick: What a shock, right? The one who’d been planning a rebellion against the other three is the one who came on top? Who’d have guessed?
Wiz: There is a bit more than just simple planning ahead, Boomstick, but it's no secret Heisenberg was the most dangerous of the Lords for many reasons. For starters, he had the most deadly final form that could easily wipe out the remaining three if given the chance. His metallic form was the most durable and unlike Dimitrescu or Moreau, he could just absorb more metal to replace damaged parts.
Boomstick: Dimitrescu was a close second in the categories where it counted. She had the most durable base form thanks to her regeneration and was easily the strongest. Her Dragon form did also give her the speed advantage, but her durability isn’t as impressive as Heisenbergs.
Wiz: Furthermore, her reliance on blood to sustain herself meant that the longer the battle went, the less it would be in her favor. Heisenberg could shield himself from her bloodlust, Moreaus blood is more mucus than anything else, and Donna alone wouldn’t be able to sustain her for long.
Boomstick: And if you need proof, Heinsenbergs final form could withstand shots from a makeshift cannon. Given the placement, time period and the fact that Chris Redfield himself made this tank, we can make the assumption that this is a 120 mm cannon. One of the most powerful guns ever mounted to a tank. I’d like to see Dimitrescu survive a single shot from that. And its also worth pointing out that the tank Ethan was driving was made of a metal that Heisenberg couldn’t control in the first place.
Wiz: In fairness, the only reason Ethan was able to damage Dimitrescu so well was because of the Dagger of Deaths Flowers. However, it is important to note that despite that, it doesn’t negate the fact that she still requires large amounts of blood to sustain her regeneration. As for the other pair, Moreau could fight well enough at a distance and had the best area of effect ability. But he is hampered by being the most specialized of the Lords and was little more than an extra target for Heisenberg and Dimitrescu, who could easily wipe him from the map. There's a reason you can beat him in under 1 minute in the game.
Boomstick: And that only leaves poor Donna and her creepy as fuck doll.
Wiz: The only thing the Dollmaker really had going for her were her hallucinogenic pheromones which could work on the others if she'd been given the chance, however the magnitude of destruction that any of the other Lords can cause is far too great and it was only a matter of time before she and her doll would be crushed or cut in half or melted under a pool of acid.
Boomstick: With those two out of the way, it really would come down to Alcinas strength and speed vs Karls durability and raw power. And sure, the Lady could dish out a lot of physical damage, but none if it would matter if she couldn’t get through Heisenbergs metal hide. It took a specialized tank made by Chris ‘Fucking’ Redfield to take him out. And as we said, Heisenberg has been plotting to take down Mother Miranda and the other Lords for years. And it's not like we’re using a ‘prep time’ cheat or anything, its just canon.
Wiz: And while Miranda may not be the most trustworthy of messiahs, both she and the Duke consent to the idea that Heisenberg was the most dangerous, even on his own. There was little that could harm Dimitrescu, but she just came up short where it counted.
Boomstick: For Karl, victory was on the Hor-isen.
The Winner is Karl Heisenberg.
Trivia[]
- This is Rohgekillers first Battle-Royale and second bonus battle
- All four of the Lords are the 'children' of Mother Miranda and featured in the latest Resident Evil game, Resident Evil Village
- Each of the Lords are of different backgrounds, with Dimitrescu being Romanian, Beneviento being Italian, Moreau being Spanish and Heisenberg being German/Austrian