| Renji Abarai vs. Kyoko Sakura | |
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| Season 2, Episode 5 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | January 27th, 2015 |
| Written by | ParaGoomba348 |
| Directed by | Me, Kyoko! What, are you stupid?! (Real answer: Anonymous) |
Episode guide
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| Arceus vs. Tabuu | Paige vs. Freddy Krueger |
Renji Abarai vs. Kyoko Sakura is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle, pitting Renji Abarai from Bleach against Kyoko Sakura from Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
Description[]
Bleach VS Puella Magi Madoka Magica! Fiery red hair, combat pragmatism, badass weapons, and more in this thrilling battle!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Combat pragmatism, red hair, lots of battle experience, and a weapon that extends itself. What two combatants do you think we're talking about today?
Boomstick: Well, there can only be two. Like Renji, lieutenant of the 6th division-
Wiz: And Kyoko, the veteran Magical Girl.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Renji[]
Wiz: As a Soul Reaper and lieutenant of the sixth division, Renji Abarai is easily one of the strongest characters in the Bleach universe.
Boomstick: His head looks like a red pineapple.
Wiz: Actually, that's a nickname that he goes by among the creators.
Boomstick: Don't ruin the joke, Wiz! I want to think that I came up with it first!
Wiz: Renji's story starts at the Soul Society, where he and Rukia Kuchiki trained to become Shinigami. If you don't know what a Shinigami is, then just think of a cross between a fallen angel and a grim reaper.
Boomstick: And a pineapple.
Wiz: *Sigh* Renji did become a Shinigami, and then he became one of the strongest members of Soul Society along with Rukia. But then Renji met his match in form of Ichigo Kurosaki, who gave him a fight he would never forget.
Boomstick: While he looks like a silly pineapple-head, Renji is actually very powerful. You see that sword, or as they call it, Zanpakuto? It's called Zabimaru, and it's both a whip and a sword. Yep, Renji's into some kinky shit.
Wiz: At first glance, Zabimaru is just a serrated sword. However, it can also extend itself to great lengths. In fact, Renji considers Zabimaru to just be an extension of his body-
Boomstick: Wait! I think Zabimaru is actually Renji's di-
Wiz: No it isn't! Anyway, Renji can control Zabimaru to strike an opponent from behind, or from the side. One of his most brutal attacks involves surrounding his opponents with it, and then crushing them with it.
Boomstick: Holy crap that's brutal.
Wiz: Yes it is, Boomstick. In addition to being a master swordsman, Renji also has many other tricks up his sleeve. You see, Renji is well aware of how wide-open he's left if he misses an attack. To counter that, he has become adept at Shunpo, which is a skill that allows him to dodge an attack with the speed of light.
Boomstick: Ever since learning Bankai, which we will get to later, Renji has been able to control his spiritual power. This can actually make him ten times stronger than he was before! Hell, even Rukia couldn't recognize his power until after it weakened!
Wiz: Renji is also strong enough to create a crater in the ground just by elbowing Mask De Masculine, durable enough to take several sword-strikes and not waiver in strength, and is able to take an earth-shattering blow directly and be unfazed. But even this does not compare to the strongest of his abilities.
Boomstick: Remember that Bankai thing I was talking about? Yeah, there's that. Bankai is the full extent of Renji's power, turning Zabimaru into a weapon powerful enough to crush bones. His most powerful ability creates a giant snake head behind him, and then it bites his opponent while he fires an energy blast. If his opponent isn't strong enough, it can turn them into ashes. Yep, Renji's one pineapple-head sex maniac you DON'T want to mess with.
Wiz: While Renji seems like the type of fighter who could beat just about anyone, Renji does come with his own flaws. He may be one of the strongest fighters in the entire Bleach universe, but he has still lost many fights. Granted, his strength improved every time, but his win-loss record is very far from perfect. And while he is certainly a force to be reckoned with, he has failed to surpass his rival, Rukia Kuchiki, at every turn.
Boomstick: But I still wouldn't wanna mess with this pineapple.
Renji: Have faith that our blades will not shatter. Have faith that our hearts will not waiver.
Kyoko[]
Wiz: Kyoko Sakura was a young girl living with her very religious family, when her father was excommunicated from the church for deviating from the doctrine.
Boomstick: That escalated quickly.
Wiz: As such, Kyoko and her family nearly starved. Fortunately, a space-ferr-
Boomstick: We've only done this like 3 times now. We get it! It's Kyubey!
Wiz: -Kyubey visited her and offered to grant a wish in exchange for her to become a Magical Girl. She accepted, and wished for people to accept her father's teachings. Suddenly, everyone wanted to hear him preach. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for him to realize that the people were pretty much mind-controlled - and he went crazy as a result, killing off his entire family and himself, except for Kyoko.
Boomstick: And then Kyoko just sorta decided to live in a 'kill-or-be-killed' world. She started killing witches on a day-to-day basis for their Grief Seeds, and didn't really care who she was hurting. Man, Kyoko's such a bitch sometimes.
Wiz: It gets worse. She decided to go to Mitakihara Town, shortly after Mami Tomoe bit the dust and Sayaka Miki became a Magical Girl.
Boomstick: Unfortunately for Sayaka, these two had opposing views and they fought. And they fought. And they didn't stop fighting until Homura stepped in. Luckily though, Kyoko changed her mind and decided Sayaka was a good person. Too bad Sayaka was too far-gone before she could help her, and Sayaka turned into a witch.
Wiz: Then Kyoko killed this witch and herself with a suicide attack.
Boomstick: That poor girl. Oh well, at least she's hot!
Wiz: She's fourt- oh whatever it's not like you're going to get it this time. Anyway, Kyoko is a very talented fighter. Day after day, she kills very powerful witches, sometimes with a single attack. Her weapon, a giant spear, can be manipulated to grow or expand, and sometimes even extend itself to huge lengths.
Boomstick: I'm just lookin' at her, and... you know what else is extending itself to huge lengths?
Wiz: Oh my- Boomstick. Stop. Kyoko usually prefers to fight mid-range, but with her spear's extension, she can go long-range or close-range if she really needs to.
Boomstick: And Kyoko is fast. She can strike multiple times in a second, dodge attacks quickly, and is the fastest Magical Girl. Oh, and did I already say that Magical Girls run at superhuman speeds? And she's also a master of Dance Dance Revolution. I'm not even kidding.
Wiz: And she does it all with a Pocky in her mouth.
Boomstick: Yeah, why is she always eating?
Wiz: Remember what I said about Kyoko nearly starving? Well now she eats all the time.
Boomstick: Also, NEVER waste food around her.
Kyoko: Don't waste food. I will kill you.
Wiz: Yikes.
Boomstick: Not only that, but Kyoko is smart. She figures out how to beat witches with no problem whatsoever, and she was the first to realize that Soul Gems contain a Magical Girls' soul. Oh look, we almost forgot to talk about those.
Wiz: You're absolutely correct. You see, Kyoko is pretty much a zombie. Her body is little more than just a vessel for the Soul Gem, which contains her soul. If this Gem is to be broken, she dies. Also, even if it's hit but not broken, she feels a lot of pain through it.
Boomstick: And... she wears it on her chest. Isn't she supposed to be smart?!
Wiz: Well at least it looks like a decoration. It's very well-hidden. Finally, when Kyoko really wants to get serious, she uses her suicide attack. This attack puts pressure on her Soul Gem but gives her spear extreme striking power. The problem? If her opponent is too strong, it can also kill her.
Boomstick: Kyoko also seems to believe that she's untouchable. While she is very fast, and she's very powerful, she's hardly invincible. Doesn't stop her from thinking she's better than everyone else.
Wiz: That also means that she's very prone to underestimating her opponents. But whatever the case, Kyoko is easily one of the strongest Magical Girls, having killed countless witches and even being able to hold her own against Walpurgisnacht and Kriemhild Gretchen.
Kyoko: Who cares what anyone else thinks? It's your life - do whatever you want to do. That's the right way to live.
DEATH BATTLE[]
ParaGoomba348[]
It was another regular day in Karakura town. The Soul Reaper Renji Abarai was waiting for his friend and rival Rukia Kuchiki, because he figured today was the day that he would finally surpass her. Even though she'd been superior to him his whole life, he knew that one day he would be better.
Then, a figure became apparent to him in the distance. Is that Rukia? Renji thought. After a few seconds, it became clear that this was not Rukia. It was Kyoko Sakura. She had a huge bag of food with her, and she had a Pocky in her mouth.
While Renji was suspicious of the food that the girl had, he couldn't deny that he was slightly hungry. Maybe she would be willing to share? "Hey you!" Renji called to Kyoko. She looked at him and tilted his head. "Can you share some food? I'm kinda hungry."
Kyoko knew that she could not deny a hungry person in need. After all, she'd been through a very similar experience. "Yeah, sure." she said with a shrug. She reached into her bag and pulled out an apple, then tossed it to Renji.
"Thanks, I'm starving!" Renji replied. He took one bite of the apple, but then he looked into it. It was starting to rot, and it really didn't taste very good. "Never mind, I wasn't actually hungry anyway." He then tossed the apple onto the ground.
Kyoko saw this, and then suddenly her face turned into an angry glare. "Don't waste food! I will kill you!" Kyoko threatened Renji. She transformed into her Magical Girl form, and wielded her spear.
Renji drew his sword in defense. "You don't know who you're messing with."
FIGHT!
Kyoko was the first to strike. She slashed with her spear at Renji, who dodged the attack using Shunpo.
"Hm... she's faster than she looks." Renji analyzed. He similarly slashed with Zabimaru, and Kyoko blocked the hit easily.
"Ha! You suck at this!" Kyoko quipped to Renji. She jumped up and delivered another strike at Renji using her spear, and Renji dodged with Shunpo again. Renji delivered his own strike, and Kyoko quickly dodged it using her fast reflexes. The two continued to strike at each other, only for them to block each other's attacks.
Renji stepped back with Shunpo, then took a quick look at Kyoko. Suddenly, he sensed something on her chest: Her soul. "Is that rock... her soul?" He mumbled. He did not know how this could be, but he kept it in mind. Before he could make up his mind about what was going on, he took a slash from Kyoko's spear. It grazed his chest, but it didn't accomplish much more than that.
Kyoko then jumped up onto the rooftop of a building. "What the hell do you think you're doing? If you think you're gonna win, you have some really messed-up ideas."
The Soul Reaper didn't take Kyoko's words too kindly. She was clearly taunting him, tormenting him. But he would eventually surpass Rukia! He didn't think that the Magical Girl knew quite what she was talking about. Renji gave a cocky grin. "Ever wanted to know what death is like? Well today's your lucky day." Zabimaru extended itself towards Kyoko, who was still on the rooftop of the building.
The Magical Girl watched as Zabimaru extended towards her. "Oh... shit." She had no idea that Renji could do that. She dodged the strike easily, but then Zabimaru literally went behind her and struck her from behind. The edge of the sword cut her back, and sent chunks of skin and blood flying. "Ow!" Kyoko got up and gritted her teeth. "Alright, so you can inflict damage on me. How nice." Then, Kyoko decided to play the game the same way: She extended her spear towards Renji.
"What?!" Renji similarly could not believe Kyoko's weapon. How could anyone else have a weapon that extends itself like his? With Shunpo, he dodged a strike. But then Kyoko's spear wrapped itself around Renji, trapping him.
"Huh. Maybe you ARE as weak as I thought." Kyoko insulted. She then threw Renji into a building using her spear, sending Renji straight into a wall and breaking it. "And don't you waste food anymore!"
But Kyoko had spoken too soon. While she thought she had put down Renji for good, he then got up and began radiating extreme amounts of spiritual energy. "Bankai!" Renji shouted. His black cloak got even darker, and Zabimaru looked even more powerful than usual. All Kyoko could do was watch in disbelief.
Renji slashed with Zabimaru at Kyoko again, which she blocked. She jumped down from the rooftop and slashed at Renji, which he blocked as well. Renji quickly slashed at Kyoko's chest, and hit her in the last place she wanted to be hit.
The Soul Gem.
Fortunately for everyone's favorite red-headed Magical Girl, her Soul Gem wasn't broken. But she had felt a large amount of pain from it, and she was sent down to her knees. "You... asshole! You're not gonna kill me! You don't even know how to fight!"
Renji grinned at Kyoko in her weak state. "You're not going anywhere. And I'm pretty sure I know how to fight." He replied with confidence. He raised Zabimaru again, and behind him was the face of a snake. Kyoko watched this, and had a plan. She would dodge the strike as if she was playing a game of Dance Dance Revolution. Then, while he was open, she'd take her strike.
Renji then sent the snake head at Kyoko, and he grinned as he knew that her demise would come of it. She'd just be turned into ashes. Kyoko grinned too as she saw the attack...
...And easily dodged it. Renji was left wide open. "What?" Renji could not believe what had just happened. Didn't Kyoko just suffer from horrible pain.
"Hey douchebag!" Kyoko was suddenly behind Renji. "I'm over here!" She slashed at Renji from behind, then he turned to see her. The two both jumped back and extended their weapons at each other.
They both exchanged blows for a good while, but then Kyoko's spear extended farther than Zabimaru. She struck Renji on his shoulder. "Now!" Kyoko excitedly prepared her attack. She grabbed her Soul Gem, then kissed it and recited a scripture. Then her spear took a scorpion-tail shape and impaled Renji through the stomach and sent him flying into a nearby building. He was bleeding heavily, and things didn't look too good for him.
"You... why are you so strong?" Renji asked in disbelief. He was bleeding from the mouth as Kyoko put her Soul Gem back on her chest. She grinned and held her spear to Renji.
"I told you." Kyoko raised her spear and cut Renji straight in half. "Don't waste food. I will kill you."
K.O.!
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: Whoa that was close! But wait, how did pineapple-head here lose?
Kyoko: Easy! *crunch* That prick just sucked at fighting! *munch*
Boomstick: What?
Kyoko: Oh come on! *slurp* I just wanted to drop in on the people writing this. *munch*
Wiz: Oh... great. Anyway, while Renji has more experience and has superior physical strength, the last thing he can keep up with is someone who's just a better fighter. Yes, Renji has Shunpo, but he's still not quite a master of it. Kyoko, on the other hand, has mastered her quick reflexes and very, very few opponents have ever gotten around that.
Kyoko: Damn straight! *crunch*
Boomstick: And even though Renji's hair is clearly superior, all of his best attacks leave him wide open. Hell, Renji even had the perfect move for putting down Kyoko! His snake-head thing that turns people to ashes! But Kyoko don't play that way.
Kyoko: *crunch* Why the hell would I?
Wiz: That, and Kyoko's spear actually has better reach than Zabimaru. The final nail in the coffin was their win-loss records.
Boomstick: Renji constantly gets his ass handed to him by stronger foes, but Kyoko fights super-strong witches every day and isn't even fazed. Renji may be dead, but he lives on in Spear-it.
Wiz: The winner is Kyoko.
Kyoko: Hell yeah I am!
Trivia[]
- This is ParaGoomba348's first battle to have a character interact with the hosts, before Dante vs. Homura Akemi, Sasuke Uchiha vs. Kyoko Sakura, Excalibur vs. Nightmare, Magneto vs. Silver the Hedgehog, and Shao Kahn vs. Gilgamesh.
- This is also the first battle to feature Kyoko interacting with the hosts.
- This battle is what started ParaGoomba348's usage of Kyoko as a sub-host.