Red Guardian (MCU) vs. Ursus (Guardians 2017) is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Red Guardian from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Ursus from the 2017 movie, Guardians.
Description
Two stronk Russian superheroes battle it out to determine who is the most dangerous.
Interlude
Wiz: The Red Guardian, super-strong, Soviet super soldier.
Boomstick: And Ursus, the mighty Russian bear created to fight for the Soviet Union.
Wiz: They're both super-powerful, super-enhanced, Soviet-created super-heroes.
Boomstick: Commies!
Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick.
Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Red Guardian
Wiz: Alexei Alanovich Shostakov, was born and raised in the mid-20th century Soviet Union. The Soviets attempted to create their own version of the Super Soldier Serum that created Captain America, and that serum was given to Alexei. The serum was a mixed success, and he became a superhero of the USSR called the Red Guardian.
Boomstick: He was famous over there in Mother Russia, with many fans and even an action figure made in his likeness. After the fall of the Soviet Union, his uniform was taken from him, but he still worked for the defense of the Motherland. In 1992, he went undercover in the United States in order to infiltrate and destroy the North Institute in Ohio, which was secretly a front for S.H.I.E.L.D., which was itself already deeply infiltrated by the terrorist organization, HYDRA.
Wiz: To support his cover, Alexei was assigned a false-family in the form of Melina Vostokoff, a veteran Black Widow to act as his wife, and the Black Widows-in-training, Natasha Romanoff and Yelena Belova to act as his daughters.
Boomstick: Yeah, *that* Natasha Romanoff.
Wiz: Anyway, after some two years, Alexei had finally gotten the information that he needed, and set fire to the North Institute. At that point, he and his "family" fled the U.S., taking a small plane to Cuba. The mission over, the various members of the team went their separate ways, with Natasha and Yelena returning to their Black Widow training and indoctrination.
Boomstick: Alexei expected to return to Russia as a conquering hero, but instead he was arrested and imprisoned in a super-secure Russian prison named the Seventh Circle. In Dante Alighieri's landmark 14th-century narrative poem, The Divine Comedy, the seventh circle of Hell was reserved for those whose lives were marked by violence. Anyway, old Alexei languished there for years in anger and self-pity, buoyed only by his ever-growing memories of his glory days as the Red Guardian.
Wiz: One day in 2016, Alexei was called to receive some mail, which included a Red Guardian action figure. While playing with the figure, its head popped off, revealing a contraband ear-com. When Alexei put the com in his ear, he was surprised to hear the voice of Natasha Romanoff telling him to casually go to the south door and not attract attention.
Boomstick: Well, realizing that a rescue attempt was in the works, Alexei began assaulting guards and succeeded in starting a full-blown prison riot. Yep, Natasha and Yelena had come to rescue dear old pseudo-dad, and during the commotion a massive avalanche was sparked and Alexei was finally free at last.
Wiz: Surprised at the cold reception of his rescuers, Alexei found out that he was rescued because the women needed to use him to get at General Dreykov, the man in charge of the Red Room, where all Black Widows were trained. The cold reception got even colder, when Alexei informed them that Dreykov was the one who had used and betrayed him. All that Alexei had was where to find Melina Vostokoff.
Boomstick: Eventually, the three found Melina Vostokoff, reuniting the erstwhile happy family. Melina was friendly enough to Alexei, but the younger women were far from pleased with him. A further shock came when he found out that Melina had a pet pig that she had named Alexei.
Wiz: And then, to make matters worse, it turned out that Melina had alerted General Dreykov, the overseer of the Red Room and past commander of the Red Guardian, of their presence. Dreykov's men showed up and quickly user dart guns to sedate the Guardian, easily taking him into custody.
Boomstick: Well, it turned out the Melina had a plan. When she broke herself and Alexei out of the containment cells that they had been put in, Dreykov sent his chief enforcer, the Taskmaster, to deal with them. She left it up to Alexei to delay the villain, while she moved to sabotage Dreykov lair.
Wiz: The Taskmaster was a creation of General Dreykov. She was his own daughter, with special implants that allowed her to mimic the movements of another fighter, once she had watch the person in action. He then had her study the movement of the Avengers and even the Winter Soldier.
Boomstick: Alexei fought the Taskmaster for a considerable time, and just when the Taskmaster had finally gotten the upper hand, Melina returned and helped Alexei to lock her in a holding cell.
Wiz: After that, the two commandeered an airplane, and tried to rescue Natasha and Yelena, but the plane was damaged in the attempt and crashed.
Boomstick: With their issues worked out, Alexei said goodbye to Natasha Romanoff, and flew away with Melina and Yelena, and a group of rescued Black Widows, while Natasha waited to stop Thaddeus Ross, who would arrest them as being in violation of the Sokovia Accords.
Wiz: Anyway, all of Alexei's powers and abilities come from the enhancements that he gained through the Super Soldier Serum that he was given. The most noticeable of these was his enhanced strength. He used it to throw a large metal dumpster out of his way, he kicked a locked and barred steel door right out of its frame, and he was able to easily out-arm-wrestle every other prisoner in the Seventh Circle prison.
Boomstick: Also, as you might expect from a Super Soldier, Alexei has an enhanced durability and healing ability. He took a terrible beating from the Taskmaster, and he not only didn't suffer any serious injuries, he did not even seem to show any minor damage from it. He also was able to laugh off being shot with one tranquilizer, forcing Dreykov's men to use more than a dozen more to take him down, and even then he was the first to wake up on the transport to the Red Room.
Wiz: He also has enhanced speed, which allowed him to catch up, on foot, to an accelerating airplane. He was even able to leap onto an upper level of the Seventh Circle, with just a short run.
Boomstick: He has enhanced agility, which helped with the leap, allowed him to evade the gunfire of SHIELD agents when he was fleeing Ohio, and allowed him to dodge some of Taskmaster's attacks.
Wiz: And this goes along with the fact that Alexei is a formidable fighter. He was able to go hand-to-hand with Taskmaster, and did very well. He was also able to use a number of weapons with great skill, including shooting out the tires of several moving SUVs, all while laying on the wing of an airplane that was in the process of taking off. He also was able to use Taskmaster's shield like a pro.
Boomstick: So, the Red Guardian of today maybe a lot less impressive looking than his 1980s self, but nonetheless he is a strong and capable fighter, and one funny guy!
Ursus
Wiz: During the later years of the Cold War, the Soviet government formed a secret organization known as "Patriot." At the core of Patriot was a scientific genius by the name of Professor Avgust Kuratov. Kuratov's plan was to take a group of individuals from the different nationalities within the Soviet Union and to alter their DNA, creating a select team of super-powered individuals to protect the nation.
Boomstick: Among the agents of Patrtiot that were given the dubious gift of superpowers was a young Russian man named Arseniy. Arseniy, codenamed Arsus, became something of a were-bear. Under most circumstances, he looked like an entirely normal, if large young man. However, whenever he chose he could transform into a hybrid bear/man, and if he wanted to he could further transform into a very large and powerful bear.
Wiz: Eventually, the Soviet government decided to shut down the Patriot program, but Professor Kuratov retaliated by blowing the laboratory up, with himself inside. With that the Patriot program was done, all the agents of the organization went their separate way, with Arsus retreating to a cabin in the depths of Northern Siberia, where he could live in peace and solitude.
Boomstick: After the fall of the Soviet Union, the Patriot organization was forgotten about, and the Russian military moved on to a newer, more controllable project: walking killer robots. Awesome! I like how that rolls off the tongue - "walking killer robots!"
Wiz: Well, they seemed pretty awesome, until a training exercise, during which the robots turned and killed all of the humans around them. It turned out that Professor Kuratov had not been killed in the explosion, but had rebuilt himself as a cyborg. In his new form, he could use electricity as a weapon and control machines with his mind.
Boomstick: Knowing that they could not defeat old Prof Kuratov with tanks and airplanes, the Ministry of Defense turned to the greatest non-mechanical force they had at their disposal, the men and women of the Patriot organization. Well, Arsus was not thrilled with the idea of going back to work for the same people who had mistreated him in the past, so the responded by beating the crap out of the agents that entered his cabin without permission.
Wiz: But, among those who did not enter his cabin were several of his Patriot compatriots. They convinced Arsus to join them, and together they set out to raid Kuratov's laboratory.
Boomstick: Well, that didn't go all that well, and the whole lot of them ended up being captured by the mad scientist…every good villain is also a mad scientist, right Wiz?
Wiz: That's Scientophobia, Boomstick, so don't even go there.
Boomstick: Nonetheless, the Prof tried to convince them to join him in his scheme to use the satellites orbiting the Earth to gain control of all technology everywhere, but they refused. They were later rescued by the Ministry of Defense, and then given some training and new weapons. In Ursus's case it's a special mini-gun that he can either fire from the hip in hybrid shape, or from his back in bear shape.
Wiz: They then set out to confront Kuratov, but he was able to overcome all of them again, in fairly short order. They considered going back for another probably useless attempt, but they were informed that they could actually pool their energy and release it in one big blast.
Boomstick: Using this new power, that none of them had ever known was a thing before, they succeeded in bringing Kuratov down, killing him, and ending his threat.
Wiz: Ursus's powers seem to be linked to his form. In his human form, it appears that he is likely pretty normal for a large and extremely-in-shape normal man. However, in his hybrid bear/man form, he is extremely strong and durable.
Boomstick: While in hybrid form, he knocked a soldier right through roof of his cabin, and knocked another through one of its log walls. He one-shotted some other soldiers, and even hit a car hard enough to send it into two soldiers, sending them flying.
Wiz: Even more, he punched a barrel, which flew about thirty feet into a soldier hard enough to send him flying, and shoulder-checked a car hard enough to knock it into two soldiers, sending them flying as well.
Boomstick: When it comes to durability, he's kind of all over the place. I mean, he took a lot of small arms fire, without seeming to notice. He took what was likely an anti-tank missile from a spider tank, and got somewhat stunned by it, but he showed no real damage. But, even in full-bear mode, he was one-shotted by the cyborg Kuratov, and was laid out cold.
Wiz: In terms of speed and ability, Ursus appears to be good. He threw an enemy into the air, and then drew his mini-gun and shot him before he hit the ground. Other than that, he did not really appear to demonstrate any great speed of agility.
Boomstick: When it comes to weapons, his main weapon is his mini-gun. It's got a lot of power in the attack, and he is strong enough to take it with him, without it slowing him down.
Wiz: He is a formidable fighter…
Boomstick: A real beast of an opponent. Beware this guy, he can bring a lot of strength and firepower to…bear.
Intermission
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE!
Pre-Fight
In a forest in Siberia, a small log cabin sat quietly among the leaves and greenery, smoke drifting lazily up from its chimney.
A group of camouflaged Russian soldiers slipped silently through the trees and approached the cabin's lone door. While one soldier stood guard, the other two stealthily opened the door and slipped inside, guns at the ready.
They had not been in for more than seconds when suddenly one soldier exploded out of the roof of the cabin, flying through the air like an autumn seed borne on the wind. Immediately, the second soldier exploded through a wall and bounced across the ground.
Before the third soldier could react, a large, half-man/half-bear exploded through the door and backhanded him, sending him flying away as well.
The bear-man looked to the left and to the right and roared his defiance.
Then a voice started to laugh, while the sound of someone clapping filled the glade around the cabin.
The Red Guardian stepped forward, a big smile crossing his masked face.
"Well done, Ursus!" he yelled. "You've still got it!"
Ursus tilted his head to the side, looking at the intruder, and then he began to collapse in on himself, his form and features returning to that of a normal human.
He looked at the Red Guardian.
"Alexei, is that you?" he asked. "My god, you've gotten fat!"
The smile disappeared from Alexei's face, and he quickly looked down at his belly. Then, he laughed and looked back at Ursus.
"Always the kidder!" he answered. "Anyway, your retirement is over. Gather your things and come with us!"
Ursus's face turned hard, and he barked back, "I've had enough of that with the Zashchitniki, I have no more to give!"
Alexei walked up to him, and slapped him hard on the back, causing the other man to stagger forward. Then, he placed his hand on his shoulder.
"You just need some vodka to fortify your courage. Come, drink with me, and we will talk about the good old days!"
Ursus knocked the Red Guardian's hand away.
"You were always a fool, Alexei!" he snarled. "We were used like lab rats, living weapons to be modified and then expended. I'm never going back!"
The smile ran away from the Red Guardian's face, and he said with deadly seriousness, "You are needed, Ursus, and one way or another, you are coming back with me."
FIGHT!
Suddenly, Ursus began to contort, as he resumed his hybrid form. He roared at the Red Guardian and began to charge at him.
Alexei looked to his right and spotted a barrel lying in the grass. Stepping over to it, he lifted his leg and kicked it as hard as he could, sending it flying towards his opponent.
The barrel impacted on the bear-man's head, stopping his forward momentum, and causing him to fall into a sitting position.
Alexie laughed and shouted, "Ha! You never did know when to duck!"
Then, he crossed his arms over his barrel chest and added, "We can do this the easy way or the hard way, it's up to you."
Ursus roared and charged forward again.
Alexie shrugged. "The hard way it is," he said. Then he also charged forward.
The two combatants collided. Ursus's mighty claws slashed through the air, looking to take the other man's head off. Alexie bobbed and weaved, avoiding each slash, and trying to land a punch on the other.
Finally, a frustrated Ursus pulled back his arm, and unleashed his most powerful swipe at Alexie. Instead of moving backward, though, the Red Guardian ducked under the swinging arm, and stepped forward. His fist shot out, delivering a titanic blow to the werebear's muzzle.
Ursus staggered, and then brought his arm back around. The massive arm connected with Alexie's smiling face, sending the hero flying across the clearing. Alexie smashed through the wall of a wooden shed and disappeared from view.
Laughing loudly, Alexie charged out through the hole on the shed's wall, prepared to continue the fight. But the smile ran away from his face as he looked around and saw no one.
"Ursus! Where are you?" he called.
Suddenly, Ursus stepped out of his cabin, donning some sort of bulky backpack. A look of shock blossomed on Alexie's face when he realized that it was his minigun. He dove to the side, just as Ursus opened fire, spraying the clearing with bullets.
Alexie dove behind a trailer, grabbed one corner of it and heaved, throwing the trailer up and onto its side. He tried to hunker down behind it, but the bear-man's bullets simply punched right through the thin metal of the trailer.
"Blyat!" he exclaimed.
The Red Guardian leaped behind a tree, but he could hear the bullets slapping into it. He couldn't help but wonder how long the mighty pine tree would protect him.
Looking around the clearing, he spotted a nearby steel barrel, with its lid askew.
Taking a deep breath, Alexie leaped up and over the barrel, grabbing the lid as he passed. When he hit the ground, he threw the lid like his old shield. The lid flew and bounced off of one tree, then bounced off of another, and finally it hit Ursus' gun, the metal jamming the mechanism and stopping the rotating battels in mid-operation.
Ursus looked down at the minigun and gave it a shake, trying unsuccessfully to dislodge the barrel lid. Then, he shook the weapon strenuously. But the lid still did not come out.
Suddenly, Alexie leaped in from the side, delivering a titanic punch. The force of the blow sent the bear-man rolling to the side.
With a fierce growl, he leaped to his feet and shrugged off the pack. Roaring in frustration, he began to transform again. His body contorted and shifted as he turned into a giant bear.
Ursus gave a titanic roar that echoed and reechoed around the forest, sending deer running and birds flying into the safety of the sky. Then, he took off running at his opponent.
The Red Guardian looked to the left and the right, trying to spot something that he could use as a weapon, but he saw nothing.
"Of course," he said to himself.
And suddenly Ursus slammed into him, knocking Alexei backward. The Red Guardian opened his eyes just in time to see the giant bear leap towards him. He rolled to the side, causing the bear to miss and land where he was.
Ursus lifted a paw and slammed it at Alexie, so the Red Guardian kept rolling, trying to keep the blows from connecting. Finally, he rolled to where his feet were up against a tree stump that had once been a pine tree. He kicked off against the trunk, and propelled himself under the werebear.