R.O.B vs Johnny 5 is a What-If Death Battle featuring R.O.B. from Nintendo Entertainment System, Gyromite and Super Smash Bros against Johnny 5 from the Short Circuits series.
Description[]
The Battle of the two looks a-like 1980s robots, can R.O.B. smash Johnny or is will Johnny cut R.O.B. like a short circuit
Intro[]
(*Cues Brandon Yates - Wiz and Boomstick*)
Wiz: In 1942, author Isaac Asimov introduced the Three Laws of Robotics, to protect man from their cybernetic creations
Boomstick: And thank god he didn't include anything against robot-on-robot violence, The world would just be way less fun
Wiz: Like these look-alikes two we got today, R.O.B. the Robotic Operating Buddy
Boomstick: And Johnny 5 the S.A.I.N.T. mobile weapons project, He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapon, armour and skills to see who would win a Death Battle!
R.O.B[]
(*Cues Gyromite - Super Smash Bros.*)
Wiz: In 1985, just 3 years after the devasting North Aremica video game crash, people had to abandon Nintendo, so what do they do...?
Boomstick: Make a game console that's... apparently not a game console... it was supposed to be a toy... that's a game console... but Nintendo said it wasn't... wait... what?... I'm confused now
Wiz: It was supposed to be a toy that helps you play certain games like Gyromite and Stack Up or Aftermarket, the game everyone forgot existed, but Nintendo decided it become game console that's not actually a game console, so it's more like an add-on or accessory than a game console
Boomstick: Well guess what it started off great with critics saying it was a genius idea and then after two short years nobody knew it even existed anymore...
Wiz: Until June 12th, 2018 where R.O.B. was brought back to life and this time much stronger, faster and as a playable character for Super Smash Bros.
Boomstick: Holy hell, is that a laser?
Wiz: Yes, Boomstick, that's a laser but not any kind of laser it's his Robo Beam which is basically a thin, crimson laser that comes out of his eyes, kinda like Superman's heat vision, and also it can be charged up too to fry the opponent longer
Boomstick: Not only that R.O.B. also learnt some martial arts because now he can throw you into the ground with Down Smash or break your opponent's combo with the Dash Attack
Wiz: With the Neutral Attack R.O.B. is able to perform serval quick strikes, with the Foward Tilt R.O.B. is able to an inward leaning hook to drag his opponent closer and with The Up, Tilt R.O.B. can send his opponent flying serval feet into the air
Boomstick: And also can perform some aerial attacks such as the Back, Foward, Up and Down Aerial which activates R.O.B.'s boosters to makes him perform serval combos in the air... wait he also has a jetpack!?!?
Wiz: Boosters... Not a jetpack
Boomstick: Well who gives a damn if you have a jetpack when you can grab an opponent literally like ten feet away and then throw them into oblivion with Foward or Up Throw, or just bury them in the ground with the Down Throw attack
Wiz: Moreover, R.O.B. also has serval special moves like the Robo Beam we mentioned above
Boomstick: Some other special moves include extra-spicy Robo-Burner which Suprise surprise isn't a flamethrower but it's his fricking Boosters that make the flames!
Wiz: The flames of the Robo-Burner appears to be light blue which means R.O.B.'s Robo-Burner is 1800K or 1500 °C but that's not all when charged up to the maximum the flames of R.O.B.'s Robo-Burner turns white which is 5,260K or 5,730 ° C, that's almost as hot as the surface of the sun
Boomstick: Remember Gyromite well now it's a fricking attack where R.O.B. summons the Gyromite Spin Toy and fire it like a saw blade
Wiz: But also their's different variants of Gyromite Spin Toys that R.O.B. can fire like the Fire Gyro which is the normal Gyro but does fire/burn damage and more on-hit damage though the range is shorter, and also he has the Slip Gyro which slides across the ground instead of bouncing and trips fighters who touch it
Boomstick: But when R.O.B. absorbs a Final Smash he's able to pull out his most powerful attack yet... The Guided Robo-Beam... holy crap that's a bad name
Wiz: When activated R.O.B. transforms into a laser cannon and fires a series of small lasers that home in on opponents that are close enough to him, He then unleashes a green laser that can be angled up or down. After a couple of seconds, the laser grows larger and it ends with a powerful blast
Boomstick: Truly the meaning of awesomeness
Wiz: But Guess What! That's not his most powerful attack
Boomstick: Wait, what?!?! What is it then?
Wiz: It's the Super Diffusion Beam where R.O.B. transforms into yet another laser cannon and fires an intense beam of energy at the opponent, The attack starts off as a large beam that can trap opponents in place, The large beam then splits into four smaller ones, each at a different angle, The attack ends with a final burst that sends opponents trapped in the large beam flying
Boomstick: Meh, a better name than The Guided Robo-Beam
Wiz: Over the years R.O.B. has accomplished feats nobody ever excepted... which is technically nothing since it's Super Smash Bros. and none of the feats like defeating Bowser, Ridely and Mario really counts
Boomstick: Sad but Hey Wall-E is more than a match than you thought
Wiz:...Wall-E?
Boomstick: Goddammit, I mean R.O.B.!
(*R.O.B. performs one his victory poses*)
Johnny 5[]
(*Cues David Shire: Short Circuit - The Quickening; Off the Bridge*)
Wiz: 1986...
Boomstick: Was a pretty shit year!!! You got Space Shuttles blowing up, Roller Coasters derailing and literally, nobody remembers that year
Wiz: But not in the universe of Short Circuit since it marked the creation of the United State's Strategic Artificially Intelligent Nuclear Transport Project or S.A.I.N.T for short
Boomstick: What's so special about... Woah! Holy Crap! Did he just blow up that Army van with that tiny laser on his back
Wiz: He did indeed, but the S.A.I.N.T Project didn't go as plan when S.A.I.N.T. Number 5, was struck by lightning arcing through the lab's power grid but this actually turned out to be good when Number 5 went sentient and escaped
Boomstick: How is that a good thing?
Wiz: You'd find out later why
Boomstick: Well anyways, the government realized he escaped so they sent out some men to recover him so the company who built him named NOVA could disassemble and rebuild him but of course Number 5 didn't want that so he decided to fight back and luckily he has the gear to do so
Wiz: As we mentioned earlier he has a Laser beam on his right shoulder which can blow up an army van with a single shot which would take roughly about 5 megajoules of TNT to blow up and also it's hot enough to make large rocks glow red which takes at minimum 1000°C or 1273.15K
Boomstick: Very powerful for such a small thing
Wiz: But that's all, Number 5's "brain" is fast enough to memorize and copy every quote, song and limerick he hears or read and memorize every word in a book or a script at inhumane speed
Boomstick: Also he can see through smoke and strong enough to bend pistols
Wiz: And with that, he was able to outrun Nova and make them bankrupt in the process
Boomstick: Until Short Circuit 2 came out and boy did he get a lot of upgrades and repairs, must have cost him millions of dollars
Wiz: To start he rename himself, Johnny instead of the crap name; Number and he got a brand new gold plating to replace his crappy Magnesium casing
Boomstick: Wait, Gold?!?!
Wiz: Well as impressive as it sounds Gold isn't all that strong or light yet it is incredibly flexible and quite durable as Johnny 5 has survived gunshots and laser blast with minor and sometimes no damage at all
Boomstick: Well who gives a damn when now you got brand new arms that can lift fricking car, Yes they weigh around 4009 pounds or 1818.452 KG and he can just lift it with a single hand! Yes! A single fricking skinny hand
Wiz: Also now he has a Swiss army knife-like toolbox which calls the "Utility Pack", which contains items like a Polaroid camera, an umbrella and a magnetic grappler on a length of steel cable that seem to stick onto anything ever stuff that's not made out of metal
Boomstick: And also he has a plasma torch
Wiz: By the looks of it, it looks like he carries a standard plasma torch which can be hot as 20 000°C or 20,273K on average! That's hotter than the surface of the sun
Boomstick: Johnny 5 also has a backpack now that can function either as a practical hang glider or a standard-issue parachute
Wiz: Also His original portable power source has been replaced with a lithium-argon liquid battery which can provide enough power for 500 hours of operation, This is supplemented with an emergency backup battery with an unknown capacity, but not much more than a couple of hours
Boomstick: That more than enough time to finish your opponent
Wiz: Also his memory capacity has been increased to 512 megabytes "online", implying that this is his RAM capacity, Whether he has any alternate data storage devices such as a hard drive is unknown
Boomstick: That's something you probably wouldn't find in your computer
Wiz: But probably one of Johnny 5's most powerful gadgets is his multi-frequency remote control which can operate almost any electrical device and can control several devices at once
Boomstick: Any?!?!
Wiz: Note that is said almost any
Boomstick: Ohhh, anyways above the years Johnny 5 has accomplished many feats such as defeating three clones of himself, outrunning a truck and defeating some high-classed thieves
Wiz: Johnny is shown to be incredibly adaptive to nearly any situation that he finds himself in, For example, after being attacked by Oscar's men, Johnny 5 manages to use his universal remote to take control over remote-controlled aeroplanes nearby, and to attack Oscar's men with them, allowing him to get away once they've fled
Boomstick: The city of New York can rest safe with Wall-E on their side
Wiz: ...Wall-E?
Boomstick: I mean Johnny 5! Dammit, I did it again!
Johnny 5: Number 5... is alive!
Intermission[]
Wiz: All right the combatants are set, we ran our data through all the possibilities
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLEEEEE!!!!
Death Battle[]
Location: Some random military base
A van slowly approaches the outside gates of the military base, the driver of the van hidden behind to car window gives his anonymous details to a guard inside a booth next to the gates, the guard nods after the driver finishes giving its details and press a button letting the van in. As the van drives through the base, the tent and living quarters inside the base all appear to be deserted. Suddenly the van arrives at a halt and the back door opens with a newly polished golden robot by the name of 'Johnny 5' descending out of the back
Johnny 5: What a beautiful view today
Johnny 5 activates his tracks and starts to close in a rusty aircraft hanger
Johnny 5: Hmmm there told me another Nova is in here
Johnny 5 pull a switch to enter the aircraft hanger and quickly approaches the middle... Suddenly out of nowhere a beam of the laser is shot barely missing Johnny 5, The S.A.I.N.T project looks up to see who shot the beam of laser, it was another robot named R.O.B.
FIGHT[]
Johnny 5: What the
R.O.B. starts continuous firing his Robo-beam towards Johnny's direction, seeing this Johnny picks up a nearby rock to block the beams of lasers and start to fire back with his own laser, the former military robot aims at an oil barrel next to R.O.B. which blows up sending R.O.B. towards Johnny
BOOM!
R.O.B. suddenly uses Foward Tilt which brings Johnny closer before delivering Airael attack which damages Johnny's frame
Johnny 5: Ah Ouch
The Strategic Artificially Intelligent Nuclear Transport Project starts firing more lasers at Nintendo's robot mascot which sets a small fire at R.O.B.'s torso, R.O.B. retaliates with an uppercut performing an aerial attack which sends Johnny 5 into some wooden crates
CRASH!
R.O.B. slowly rolls back up and opens his Swiss army knife-like toolbox pulling out his Plasma Torch and activating it. Seeing this R.O.B. switches on his Robo-burner and fires it towards Johnny
SWISH!
The Robo-burner knocks back Johnny 5 serval feet
Johhny 5: Need to... repair
Johnny 5 starts to roll behind a tree while R.O.B. recharges the Robo-burner, R.O.B. rolls towards the tree but then--
BAM!
Nintendo's robot gets knocked serval feet back, Johnny then fires his grappling hook to pull R.O.B. back to punch him with the plasma torch again
BAM!
Johnny 5 fire the grappling hook again
BAM!
This time R.O.B. lands further away near some oil barrel with one shot from Johnny 5's laser it all blows up along with R.O.B
Johnny 5: Phew, that was harder than I thought
But the fight isn't over yet, out of the fire comes to a very damaged R.O.B. charging up a Gyromite
Johnny 5: Ah, Gimme a break
R.O.B. launches the Gyromite towards Johnny's direction which knocks him down, R.O.B. sends two more normal Gyromites before charging up a fire Gyromite that almost breaks Johnny 5 in half, Johnny 5 not giving up fires his grappling hook towards R.O.B. again but misses and latches onto I-beam but when Johnny pulls it back the I-beam knocks R.O.B. onto the ground and Johnny fires another laser beam
BOOM!
Another explosion occurs but just like before R.O.B. comes out fine except this time he charges up The Guided Robo-Beam
Johnny 5: That looks bad
R.O.B. unleashes the beam straight at Johnny's direction, the beam of destruction hits and the ground, and with quick Johnny 5 fires his grappling hook to latch onto a crane just before he gets completely slaughtered by the Guided Robo-Beam, Johnny swings back knocks R.O.B. down which sends them both into the air before landing serval feet away from each other
Johnny 5: That was a rough landing
Suddenly Johnny gets launched up into the air by R.O.B.'s Robo-beams and sends higher up by an Up throw before performing serval Back, Foward, Up and Down Aerial
Johnny 5: Woah!
Johnny 5 activates his hang glider to swoop down and punch R.O.B. serval times before landing safely on the ground, Johnny turns around only to get a forward tilt dragging Johnny closer before R.O.B. performs activating his boosters to performing a combo on Johnny 5, Johnny 5 lands onto the ground and R.O.B. charges a Gyromite but before he can do so...
BAM!
An umbrella opens in R.O.B.'s face knocking him backwards
Johnny 5: Hehehe
R.O.B. unimpressed launches Johnny up with an up aerial before firing Robo-beams at Johnny 5's chest but misses all of them except the last one which sends Johnny a few feet back, R.O.B. charges a Flaming Gyromite but Johnny uses one last shot from his very broken laser the knock it out of its hands
BAM!
R.O.B. dashes toward Johnny 5 and tries to land a combo but again misses, Johnny 5 then takes the opportunity to pull out one of his most prized possessions the multi-frequency remote control
BAM!
A remote-controlled aeroplane suddenly hits R.O.B. on the side of his head, R.O.B. quickly shoots it down with his Robo-beams
Johnny 5: Awwww
Using his multi-frequency remote control again Johnny 5 summons his 4 other counterparts; Johnny 1-4, seeing this R.O.B. charges up a Gyromite
Johnny: 5| R.O.B.: 1
Johnny 1: BAM
Johnny 1 fires his laser but R.O.B. is able to dodge out of the way and sends his Gyromite inside Johnny 1 torso cutting him in half but he's not done yet a fire one last beam which hits R.O.B. on the left shoulder...
BAM!
...Before powering down
Johnny: 4| R.O.B.: 1
Birth Johnny 2 and Johnny 3 Sees this and J2 rushes towards R.O.B. with a log off the ground while J3 starts shooting from behind, meanwhile, J4 and J5 starts to build a little trap behind the trees, Meanwhile, J2 gets an uppercut thrown at him knocking him down while J3 comes rushing at him
BAM!
The blast for R.O.B.'s Robo-beams completely destroys Johnny 3,
Johnny: 3| R.O.B.: 1
Johnny 2 gets up and returns an uppercut to the back of R.O.B.'s head but R.O.B. grabs Johnny 2's hand and rips it off before sending a flurry of punches to J2/s face, completely destroying him
Johnny: 2| R.O.B.: 1
R.O.B. begins to approach the tree which J4 and J5 disappeared behind, As soon as he approaches the tree and log comes flying towards R.O.B., knocking him down to the ground and cracking his leases, Johhny 4 grabs R.O.B. from behind Johhny 5 sends a plasma torch into his face, blinding his right eye
SLAM!
R.O.B. tosses J4 over his head before ripping J4's arms out, Johnny 5 skids away while R.O.B. brutally punches J4's head over and over again until J4's head is just a pile of scrap metal and broken wires
Johnny: 1 R.O.B.: 1
R.O.B. sees Johnny 5 running and shoots a Robo-beam, the explosion knocks Johnny 5 backwards and then gets launched into the air by R.O.B.'s Up Throw while R.O.B. charges up a fire Gyromite
Johnny 5: Woahh
R.O.B. launches the Gyromite right as the S.A.I.N.T weapons project lands back onto the ground, completely decapitating Johnny 5's lower half from his upper half
Johnny 5: ๏ยςђ ՇђคՇ ђยгՇร
R.O.B. goes to punch Johnny 5's head but...
CLINK!
Johnny 5 opens his parachute which gets him out of the way of R.O.B.'s Down Throw attack but unfortunately for Johhny 5 this only gets R.O.B. more pissed which cause R.O.B. to charge up the Super Diffusion Beam, out of options Johnny 5 weakly pulls out his Multi-frequency remote control only to find it destroyed after R.O.B.'s fire from the Fire Gyromite
Johnny 5: Awฬฬ
Johnny 5's last resort is to charge up his shoulder-laser-beam, R.O.B. fires his Super Diffusion Beam at the same time Johnny 5 fires his laser beam
.
.
.
Johnny 5's laser beam completely get phased by R.O.B.'s Super Diffusion Beam, right before the beam hits the S.A.I.N.T weapons project, the manages to sigh and mumbles out his last words
Johnny 5: At... least I had a good run
BOOM!
The beam hits Johnny 5, completely obliterating him, vaporising him as a matter of a fact while creating a huge explosion, as the smoke clears all is left is a huge crater with small chunks of metal
R.O.B.: Hmph
R.O.B. begins to stroll away towards the sunset while Johnny 5's dust blows away in the wind
K.O[]
Aftermath[]
(*Cues Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Theme (E3 2018 Version)*)
Boomstick: Woah that was explosive but I thought R.O.B. would lose since being feat-less?
Wiz: While it's true that R.O.B. didn't have any feats and that Johnny 5 was much smarter, and has a larger arsenal compared to R.O.B., R.O.B. simply outclassed Johnny 5 in every other category
Boomstick: R.O.B. was much stronger, Johnny 5 can lift a car weighing 4009 pounds or 1818.452 KG but R.O.B. could potentially lift and toss Bowser and King K. Rool who both weigh heavier than a car
Wiz: R.O.B.'s reaction, versatility and movement speed definitely was much faster than Johnny 5's who only can rougher go around 23 mph
Boomstick: Pretty slow if you ask me
Wiz: Plus, Johnny 5's armour is made out of gold which has a melting of 1,064 °C and R.O.B.'s Robo-burner how a temperature of 5,730 °C easily enough to melt Johnny 5 while R.O.B. can potentially withstand Bowser's fire breath which can work underwater, which means R.O.B. can withstand temperatures up to 2204 °C which is funny since Johnny 5's plasma torch is much hotter as well... but he needs to get close to, use it, unlike R.O.B.
Boomstick: But what about the Multi-frequency remote control?
Wiz: Well, Multi-frequency remotes work by sending a combination of audible tones to active certain things, good for activating garage and car door, not for anything else and since R.O.B. is sentient it really didn't affect him
Boomstick: And also R.O.B. unlike Johnny 5 actually learned martial arts, pretty much put all of Johnny 5's experience to shame
Wiz: In the end, Johnny 5 put up a good fight but was outclassed by R.O.B.'s strength, speed and more effective weapons
Boomstick: Looks like Johnny 5's chances of victory were R.O.B.B.E.D
Wiz: The winner is R.O.B.
Next Time[]
For the Season Finale of Death Battle!
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We Have the Battle Royale of Colours!
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Battle of Wacky Overpowered Teens with Hoodies!
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Battle of...
*Tape cuts to black*
???: Well that was fun
Out of the shadows steps, a man with a red hoodie and a grin on his face
