| Prince Derek vs. Princess Merida | |
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| Season 6, Episode 10 | |
| Air date | December 10, 2021 |
| Written by | I'm Lynda |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Mighty Mouse vs. Underdog |
Next Dark Helmet vs. Darth Vader |
Prince Derek vs. Princess Merida is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Prince Derek from the Swan Princess series of movies, and Princess Merida from the Disney movie, Brave.
Description[]
Two masters of the bow, archers who rarely miss what they are aiming at. But, what if their targets are...each other?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Confucius once said that, "In archery we have something like the way of the superior man."
Boomstick: Confucius, isn't that the guy who wrote all those quotes for fortune cookies?
Wiz: No. Anyway, great archers are few and far between, and in this battle, we bring two of them together.
Boomstick: The first of them is Prince Derek, the expert archer of the Swan Princess series of movies.
Wiz: And the second of them is Princess Merida, the expert archer Disney/Pixar's 2012 movie, Brave.
Boomstick: I'm Boomstick, and he's Wiz.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Prince Derek[]
Boomstick: Prince Derek was born in the Kingdom of Chamberg, and his dad died when he was just a little guy, leaving him to be raised by his mother, Queen Uberta. Yeah, yeah, I know, there isn’t a hero out there that’s not missing at least one parent!
Wiz: When William, the king of a neighboring kingdom had a daughter, he and Queen Uberta decided that it would a great idea to arrange things so that the children would eventually marry, uniting the two kingdoms. So, they started arranging for the kids to spend time together, so that they would come to love each other.
Boomstick: Love? I thought that back then royals were married off in arranged marriages, at about the age of three, rather than picking their own spouses.
Wiz: Well, generally you are right, but William and Uberta were particularly enlightened parents, who let their children pick for themselves. I know, not terribly realistic, but that’s the story.
Boomstick: Anyway, the whole plan went from one backfire to another, until Derek found that he did indeed love Princess Odette. Unfortunately, being a rather typical young man, he opened his yap, and sank the whole deal with one flap of his gums.
Wiz: On their final journey home, William and Odette’s cavalcade was waylaid, and by the time Derek arrived, King William only survived long enough to tell him that they were attacked by a “great animal,” and that it was “not what it seemed.” Odette was nowhere to be found, having been taken by the Great Animal.
Boomstick: At that point, Derek committed himself to ceaseless training as a hunter, so that he could hunt down and kill the Great Animal, and free Odette. As time passed, everyone else gave up hope that Odette was even still alive, but Derek kept training, and studying, and hunting.
Wiz: While studying, Derek came to the conclusion that the Great Animal must be some sort of a shape-shifter. That it could come up to its target unsuspected, and then turn into a monster.
Boomstick: Well, Derek was only half right. It seems that many years earlier King William had declared war on an evil wizard named Rothbart, and one of the spells that Rothbart had mastered was transformation. You got it, Rothbart was the “Great Animal” that was “not what it seemed.”
Wiz: Anyway, in the course of time, Derek became a master hunter, an expert archer and a more than proficient swordsman.
Boomstick: Let’s start with some of the usual categories. Derek is a normal human being. He is not particularly strong, or quick, and he does not have any sort of magical healing. He’s also not a renowned martial artist or anything like that.
Wiz: But, let’s go back to what I said before. He is a master huntsman. That is to say that he is expert at tracking animals in the forest and on the plains. When tracking a swan, which was actually a magically transformed Odette, he had no problem following her flight, whether she flew high or low.
Boomstick: He’s also rather good with a sword. He fought multiple opponents with it, and generally acquitted himself quite well.
Wiz: But, his greatest ability lies in his skill as an archer. He has won numerous archery contests, and he has developed some extra skills. Most noticeably, he has developed a trick that he calls, “Catch-and-fire.” With this neat trick, he can take an arrow that was fired *at* him, snag it out of the air, nock it, and fire it at a target of his choosing, almost instantaneously.
Boomstick: He has really turned this into an art. At one time, an evil hunter set a trap for Derek with eight or so crossbows set to all fire at him simultaneously. When they went off, Derek spun, and snagged all of their arrows out of the air at once!
Wiz: Truly, Derek is a master with bows and arrows, and not a man to be trifled with.
Boomstick: Hey, Wiz, let’s see if you can master that catch-and-fire business. [He raises his shotgun leg.]
Wiz: Don’t you dare!
Princess Merida[]
Boomstick: Once upon a time in the mythical kingdom of Scotland...
Wiz: Wait a minute...Scotland isn’t mythical. There really is a Scotland.
Boomstick: Oh, Wiz, you are SOOOOOO gullible! Anyway, there was a king of this Scotland place named, Fergus, who had a wife named Elinor, a daughter named Merida, and triplet sons named Hamish, Hubert and Harris.
Wiz: Queen Elinor wanted to make Merida into the perfect princess. But, Merida was more interested in learning what her father had to teach her, mostly archery and swordsmanship.
Boomstick: When Merida learned that she was to be married off to cement her clan’s relationship with her father’s allies she was furious. It seemed that there is to be competition among the firstborn sons of the allies, so Merida declared that the contest would be an archery competition. Not only that, she declared that as the firstborn of her clan’s leader, she was also able to compete.
Wiz: In a not very surprising turn of events, Merida easily beat the suitors, humiliating them, and enraging Queen Elinor. After a rather fiery confrontation between the two, Merida ran off, and tripped over the house of a witch.
Boomstick: Which, surprisingly, was not made out of gingerbread, but was apparently made out of wood and mud and cow pies. Go figure.
Wiz: Anyway, Merida bargained with the witch for a spell that would change her fate, and the witch gave her an enchanted cake, She then, gave her mother the cake, but was appalled when it changed her fate by turning her mother into a bear!
Boomstick: You know, a big, hairy, growling thing...which actually sounds like my ex-wife...Hmmm.
Wiz: Well, to cut a long story short, Merida succeeded in breaking the spell, and rescuing her mother. But let’s talk about Merida herself. She has trained herself in woodlore, learning about the nature and animals.
Boomstick: Merida has trained herself in to be an archery master. She has won numerous archery contests, and she has developed some extra skills. Most notably, she has trained herself as an expert in firing her bow while riding on a horse at full gallop; firing at targets in front of her and even behind her.
Wiz: She has also a real marksman with the bow, once shooting a swinging sword out of her father’s hand.
Boomstick: But, she’s not a bow-cripple, she is also very good in hand-to-hand combat. Once when she was retrained by a man with a spear, she grabbed the spear and threw the man over her back.
Wiz: And, she’s certainly no stranger to the sword. Once time she used one to block an overhand blow from her father, and then she used the sword to flip him onto his back.
Boomstick: And last, but not least, she is an expert rock-climber, which considering that she does it in an ankle-length skirt, that’s really saying something!
Wiz: She’s a formidable opponent, with a well-rounded suite of skills, so if you take this young woman lightly, you do it at your own peril!
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: Its time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE![]
Pre-Fight []
Prince Derek ran through the forest, his bow held ready in his left hand with an arrow nocked and ready to fire.
He leaped from a rock, to a fallen tree trunk, to the forest floor, his eyes scanning the trees around him. He knew the forest and its flora and fauna like he knew the back of his hand. He saw nothing unusual around him, but he kept scanning the area nonetheless. He was now more convinced than ever that the Great Animal was a shape-changer. So, presumably, it would leave inconsistencies in its trail. He just needed to be ever watchful, and spot the inconsistencies, no matter how subtle.
He looked at the bed of a small stream that trickled past him and spotted two sets of tracks moving through it as if in tandem. One was made by a person in low-heeled boots; the boot-prints were somewhat small, suggesting they belonged to a woman or a youth. But, the other tracks were much more interesting, as they were the paw-prints of an enormous bear!
Derek’s pulse raced. A person travelling through the forest with a ferocious bear? This was definitely the kind of inconsistency that he was looking for!
He followed the tracks through the forest, when suddenly he heard voices coming from over the next rise. He crept up, and peered over the top. Below him was the bear and a flame-headed young woman...and they were talking to each other! Well, the young woman was talking, while the bear seemed to be answering in grunts and growls.
This was no ordinary bear, it was the Great Animal!
Derek leaped to his feet, drew back bow, and sighted on the bear.
Princess Merida spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned, and saw a hunter raise his bow. He was going to shoot her mother!
Without thinking, Merida nocked an arrow, aimed at the hunter, and fired!
FIGHT! []
Princess Merida’s arrow whistled through the air, and struck Prince Derek’s bow. The impact shoved his bow to the side, and snapped the string out of his fingers. The arrow flew wide of Queen Elinor, and embedded itself in a tree.
“No!” Derek snarled.
“Mom, run!” Merida yelled. Queen Elinor, had been staring in disbelief at Derek, but at her daughter’s shout, she turned and ran into the forest.
Derek raised his bow, and prepared to fire at the retreating bear, when he suddenly spotted Merida preparing to fire another arrow at him. He leaped forward and down, into a summersault. He could hear the young woman’s arrow whistle over his head, as he rolled.
Merida could not believe that she had missed her target a second time. She reached into her quiver and drew another arrow.
Prince Derek rolled to his feet, and fired his arrow at Merida. She uttered a small scream, and rolled backwards, causing the arrow to miss its mark.
Immediately, Merida was up, and fired another arrow. At the exact same instance, Derek also fired. The two arrows whistled through the forest’s air, intersected, and shattered.
The two archers drew their arrows, fired a second time, and again the arrows hit and shattered.
A third pull of the bows resulted in the same result a third time.
Princess Merida screamed in frustration, dropped her bow, and drew her sword. With a mighty shout, she charged.
Prince Derek backpedaled as Merida closed on him. His feet hit a fallen tree, and he fell backwards onto his back.
Merida was on him in a moment. She raised her sword, and brought it down with a shout.
Thinking quickly, the prince grabbed a handful of leaves and sticks, and threw it at his opponent’s face, causing her to recoil and close her eyes. Her aim spoiled, Derek rolled to the left, and leaped to his feet, drawing his own sword.
Merida closed and thrust at her opponent. Derek parried the attack, and then the next, and the next. Then, he raised his sword, and brought it swinging down. The princess blocked the move, and Derek brought it down again and again, hoping to overpower his smaller opponent,
Suddenly, Merida stepped in, under her opponent’s arms, and brought her knee up into his groin.
The breath exploded out of Derek’s lungs, as pain spread through out his body. Merida pivoted 180 degrees, and thrust her elbow back, and into the Prince’s diaphragm. It was a trick that her dad had taught her...one of her favorite tricks!
The two combatants exploded apart, when the bear Queen Elinor charged into them, practically sending them flying.
Derek leaped to his feet, but found that his hand was empty. Where had his sword gone? He looked around the forest floor, but didn’t see it.
Queen Elinor roared at the man, snapping his attention back to her. Derek turned, and ran past a small tree. He put his hand out, and grabbed the trunk, using it to turn in a very tight circle.
The bear continued off into the woods, and Derek looked down to see his bow lying on the ground. He dove towards it, grabbed it in both hands, as he turned his dive into a summersault.
He came up with bow in his left hand, and he reached his right hand into his quiver. His hand closed on...nothing. The quiver was empty!
Suddenly, he heard the snap of a bow being released. Moving more by instinct than thought, he spun on his heel and grabbed the arrow out of the air!
Moving like lightning, he nocked the arrow, drew the arrow, sighted on his attacker, and fired.
Princess Merida threw her hands into the air, and dropped from sight.
K.O.! []
Where had the bear gone? Derek wondered. Nearby, an arrow protruded from a tree. It was the first one that he had fired. He wrenched the arrow from the tree, nocked it, and took off running after the bear.
Merida lay in the grass, gazing at the sky as her lifeblood flowed out around the arrow lodged in her chest.
Words seemed to echo in her head, “Do you believe in destiny?”
Results[]
Boomstick: Ouch! That’s gotta hurt!
Wiz: These two combatants were very well balanced. They were both expert archers, and both seemed to be skilled in the use of the sword.
Boomstick: Neither one had any particular feat that seemed to suggest that they could tank more damage than the average person. And, neither one had any particular feat that made them stick out in terms of doing damage. EXCEPT...
Wiz: Except for Prince Derek’s “Catch-and-fire” trick. His ability to track multiple incoming arrows, grab them all out of the air, and then re-fire them on, gave him a real advantage when it came to a lethal archery contest.
Boomstick: Heck, even if he ran out of arrows, as long as his opponent would keep firing at him, he was never truly out of ammo.
Wiz: And while Princess Merida was an expert archer herself, she simply never demonstrated the ability to deal with incoming arrows the way her opponent did.
Boomstick: That battle held me transfixed, and it left Merida the same way.
Wiz: The winner is Prince Derek of Chamberg!
Next Time[]
Next time on Death Battle it’s dark lord versus dark lord...goofy dark lord versus deadly serious dark lord, it’s Dark Helmet vs. Darth Vader!